


Caramel Skin Under A Vanilla Sky

by Ashratherose



Series: Caramel Sundae [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Alpha Keith, Blood, Body Dysphoria, Bottom Lance, But Allura's gift came with more side effects than he knows that to do with, Drug Use, Edited, F/F, F/M, First few chapters world building, First we get Keith's POV, Gore, He's not a conventional omega as such, Hurt Lance, Important Tags First - Omega Lance, Lance whump, Langst, M/M, Mental Illness, Mpreg, Murder, Not really for Allura or Lotor stans... season 8 rubbed me all kinds of dirty, PINING KEITH, Prostitution, Sick Lance, Soft soft Keith, Then we get Lance's, Top Keith, Tw for selfharm, Zac is Zak... the new running joke, from Allura's gift. Seriously... why is no one jumping on Lance getting his omega this way?, klangst, noncon, post canon 8, secretly BAMF Lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-05-19 13:06:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 50
Words: 296,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19357633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashratherose/pseuds/Ashratherose
Summary: After being brought back by Allura, Lance never really felt right, no matter how hard he tried. Then Allura went and gave him the marks he's come to loathe so much as she abandoned him, and entirely ruined his body. Falling into all the wrong and unhealthy coping mechanisms he's in over his head with no idea.Lance falls apart. Keith stalks because he cares.Ft.Softest Keith. Traumatised Lance. A long arse road to recovery. And, some hijinks along the way.





	1. Chapter 1 -Keith

**Author's Note:**

> CSUAVS world build -  
> Lance takes a bodyguard/security job. He feels Allura brought him back wrong, the marks on his cheeks a constant reminder that he's no longer just a boy from Cuba. Once Red leaves, his world shatters completely. He leaves because his family is worried and words aren't having enough of an effect.
> 
> Curtis is Adam's brother and they bonded over Adams death.
> 
> Set 6 months after the lions leave and before Curtis and Shiro wed.
> 
> Initially takes place on Etharus. Earth 2. After Earth opened up to everyone, Earth became cool, so Etharus was modelled on old Earth as a luxury planet.
> 
> Tw for self-harm. Drug use. Body dysphoria. Murder. Blood. Gore. Mental illness. Prostitution. Noncon. Alcohol abuse. Abuse.

Daibazaal, the planet of purple and black that seemed designed to keep Keith constantly off guard and directionally misplaced. Living in what was once Zarkon's residence still refused to sit well with him, even a year and a half after the fall of Honerva and the return of the planet he now called home with his mixed-up family. Woken from his first real night's sleep in a phoeb by Acxa's persistent knocking, he held his temper as he dressed. They were all exhausted. His team at any rate. Running relief missions was fulfilling in its own ways, but since had started to spread through the known universe he'd felt himself pining for the glory days of Voltron. The thrill of the fight. The feel of his lion beneath his hands. The constant bickering of his adopted castle family. It was all gone now. They'd all started to go to their separate ways yet despite swearing to be friends forever. It wasn't like they didn't regularly catch up, weekly phone calls were very much a thing, and when the Atlas was close enough, he'd take the time to swing by to catch up with Shiro and Curtis personally, as well as Hunk and Shay, sometimes Pidge if she happened to be on board too. Dressed casually, Keith whistled at Kosmo to follow, his hands jammed into the front pocket of his black jeans as he wandered through the busy halls, a step behind Acxa the whole way. Working with Acxa, Zethrid and Ezor was rewarding, yet it failed to thrill him the way Voltron did, then there was the whole crush thing Acxa had been nursing for him, which he'd been blind too until she'd asked him out and he'd known at the moment she was absolutely not the one for him.

No. He'd fucked things right up with the one person he'd liked back on Earth and learned his lesson from his mistake. He didn't need to love anyone outside the weird collection of friends he'd made over the past few years in space. Sighing to himself, Acxa turned to smile at him  
"You would think they'd let us rest"  
"Yeah. But you know mum and Kolivan. If you're breathing, you can take a mission"  
His mother dating Kolivan was another reason not to come back home as often as he did. It wasn't that he had anything against Kolivan at all, he didn't know how to act when they were holding hands or leaning into each other. Kolivan was still the same hard taskmaster he'd always been, and his boss... who was now dating his mother, which lead to mental images he definitely didn't need.

Following Acxa into the control room, Kolivan and Krolia were waiting for him. Kolivan frowning deeply as he approached with Kosmo, earning him a nudge in the ribs from Krolia  
"Keith! I'm sorry to wake you, but we need you for a mission immediately"  
He'd already deduced as much. Following the pair over to one of the tables, his mother started pulling up files on its holotop  
"We have a missing operative. He was on his way to an arms deal when we lost contact with him. He's now over a movement late reporting in, and no sign of him has been seen at any of the rebel camps in the Ghazex quadrant"  
Reaching down, Keith manipulated the files with his fingertips. It seemed all above board, the sellers of the goods honestly not caring where their clientele came from provided they paid upfront and collected the goods from the designated coordinates  
"You want me to head out there and check for signs of life?"  
"We've been in contact with rebel forces and they found nothing. The weapons themselves aren't so important as the intel that could be gained through interrogations. There've been a number of odd occurrences in the sector space, that's why the meet was arranged there. Guile felt sure there was a link there between these occurrences and the gun runners"  
Guile barely looked older than Shiro, despite being four times his age. Nodding, Keith transferred the files to his wrist communicator  
"I'll leave immediately"  
Looking up from the table, his mother and Kolivan shared a long look at each other as they silently communicated, Kolivan giving a small nod of his head, granting his mother permission to continue  
"Keith. We're sending you alone on this one. You'll need to stay below the radar. If it proves to be nothing, then take your time coming back. You're supposed to be on standby as it"  
"I'm fine. You worry too much"  
"I'm your mother, it's my job"  
He was already 23, practically 24, he didn't need his mother's constant worry. He ran his own team, had fought in countless scuffles before their lions had left, and afterwards. He really didn't need his handheld. Quiznak, he'd even been nominated to rule the whole damn planet... Crossing his arms, he frowned at his parental figures  
"I'll be fine"  
"Why don't you give Shiro a call once you've checked things out? It's been a while since you saw any of the others"  
"Mum. If there's something you're trying to say, say it already"  
"I'm not trying to say anything. It's simply been a while since you spent some quality time with them"  
"I talk to them every weekend by video call. They're all fine"  
"But when is the last time you saw them?"  
"A few weeks ago? Before the last mission?"  
"You've only seen them once since Allura's memorial. Curtis is driving Shiro crazy"  
Keith raised an eyebrow. That couldn't be right. He distinctly remembered dinner with Hunk and Shay, with Curtis and Shiro casting enough sideways glances at each other to make Hunk blush in second-hand shame. After the death of Adam, Keith knew his adoptive brother was capable of moving on, despite how deep the wound ran. It'd only been a matter of weeks between Adam's death and their return. As Adam's brother, Curtis understood Shiro's pain in a way Keith couldn't. Curtis had been there for Adam, he'd been there as Adam had fallen apart over their broken engagement, Shiro's disappearance, the reappearance of Sam Holt... and somehow along the way they'd bonded deeply yet both were hesitant to take the next step so as to not tarnish Adam's memory. Keith personally thought Adam was a dick for breaking off the engagement when all Shiro wanted was one last trip to space. They'd both hidden from him how much Shiro had suffered with his condition, Keith not noticing the subtle small ways Adam would check how Shiro was fairing with just a touch or a look. Now Curtis was the one to cast Shiro those subtle looks, his people skills having sharpened drastically since he'd first left Earth. That's what happened when you had a loudmouth like Lance for a best friend and right-hand man. Out of all of them, Lance was the one who'd constantly surprised him, such as his choice to say goodbye to space to be a farmer  
"How do you know about Curtis and Shiro?"  
"Because unlike you, I've spoken with him. Take some time off after this mission and go see him. It'll be good for both of them, and for you"  
"I was going to take some time off now that we've returned"  
"Excellent. Look into the disappearance then take your break"  
Right. The mission. His thoughts definitely shouldn't be shifting towards Hunk's fine dining skills which left everything he'd eaten since lacking. There was a whole planet out there, yet food goo still seemed to make up the basis of most long term supplies for the Blades  
"Keith?"  
Huffing at his mother, Krolia continued to stare at him  
"I'm going already. I'll call you when I find a lead"

Acxa fell in behind him as Keith left to pack  
"I could come with you if you need an extra set of hands"  
"You heard Krolia. I need to stay below the radar"  
"You have a habit of getting into trouble when left alone"  
You fly the ship in the wrong direction once and they never let you forget it  
"I'll be fine Acxa. Take your time to relax. We've been working nonstop this last phoeb. Maybe you could take some time to check in with Veronica?"  
"She's busy"  
Keith could hear the pout in her voice. Acxa had formed a firm friendship with Veronica during their time on Earth. Despite having confessed her feelings for him, Keith was sure that Acxa was harbouring a crush on his so-called rival's elder sister. With Zethrid and Ezor in a long term relationship, he wasn't sure what was stopping Acxa from seeking out the same happiness  
"Then call her again"  
"I have. Twice. I don't think she's accepting my calls"  
"Have you tried since we returned?"  
"No"  
"There we go then. Kosmo, take us to my room"  
Grabbing a fistful of his wolf's fur, the jump across the palace was instant, saving him from dishing out more bad relationship advice. He'd had plenty of stupid crushes that had never amounted to anything more than a momentary fixation that served to confuse him even more. The highlight of his nonexistent dating life had been receiving the sex talk from Shiro who'd been just as red as Keith was by the end of it. Unfortunately, he'd had to suffer through the same talk with his mother... with Kolivan present. A two phoeb relief mission hadn't eased his embarrassment over the whole thing, as he'd found himself unable to meet Kolivan's eyes for longer than he'd cared to admit. Grabbing out his go bag, he packed light. Most of his things were already aboard his private ship on the off chance he'd be randomly evicted like he was currently being. His ship was nothing like Black. There was no magical mental bond to keep him distracted or reassure him when things went wrong, but it had been a gift from his mother so held some sentimental value  
"Ok, boy. Let's go before I give in to the urge to crawl back into bed. Can you believe they're sending me out again so soon?"  
Yipping and teleporting across his room, Kosmo had far too much energy. Or maybe he was getting too old for all of this shit. His bed was a crumbled, yet inviting mess, that almost begged for him to crawl back beneath the covers for at least another 6 to 12 vargas of sleep. Catching hold of Kosmo as he teleported again, his wolf teleported him straight into the cockpit of his ship  
"Good boy. Let's get this show on the road"

*  
With 9 vargas between him and his destination, Keith took his mother's advice. Pulling up his com's list, he thumbed through his contacts where he accidentally hit Lance's name. Each time he'd talked to his friend had been hard. Keith unable to forgive Allura for hurting Lance as she did, despite understanding her sacrifice had been necessary. Her death had shaken Lance to his very core and had left him shaken for months after the fact. Being Lance he'd cried, cracked jokes, then announced he was staying on Earth. His best friend's parents relieved to see their son not leaving again, and the term Voltron was spoken in hushed tones right up until the day they'd left him behind. Lance hadn't even come to see them off.

"Yo! Leandro, turn that thing off"  
Catching sight of bright neon lights, what looked like some kind of club, then an awkward downward angle of two sets of legs, Keith rushed to apologise for the misdial, only Lance cut him off first  
"Hey. Sorry man. Now isn't good. Talk later"  
With that, the call was dropped. Keith frowning down at his communicator as his brain kicked into gear. That was definitely Lance's voice... but who the fuck was "Leandro"? And that city... it didn't look like it was on Earth, though it had been some time since his last visit. Earth was recovering and rebuilding, it didn't make sense to concentrate all their resources on the planet when other smaller planets were in greater need. Besides, Pidge was there, her family having taken over training and building the next generation of space fighter jets. If they needed the help, they could always recall the Atlas. Shaking off the weird call, he was extra careful not to click Lance's name as he scrolled back through his contacts, first thinking of calling Shiro, then remembering he'd probably wish to talk about Curtis and that he'd be no real help there, scrolling back up, he tapped Hunk's name as he pulled the call up onto the ship's screen. It was only a few short tick's before the former Yellow Paladin's face filled his screen  
"Keith! Hey man, is it that time already?"  
That time being their preorganised once a movement call  
"No. I was going to call Shiro, but Krolia filled me in on the Curtis situation"  
Sighing deeply, Hunk nodded  
"It's driving all of us mad. Anyway. What's up?"  
Hunk was clearly in the kitchen, Keith could hear the soft sounds of a blade against a chopping board. His communicator must have been placed on a shelf or something so he could take the call  
"If you're busy, I can call back?"  
"No! No, man. It feels like its been ages"  
"You know what it's like, one mission after the next. Acxa's been trying to contact Veronica, but she hasn't been taking her calls"  
"Things have been crazy here. That and she's been dodging calls from home"  
"That sounds like something Lance would do"  
Hunk nodded  
"That's exactly what he's been doing. His mother wants her to go check in with him in person, but Veronica insists Lance is doing what he needs to do"  
What now?"  
"I thought he was on Earth?"  
"No? Didn't he tell you? He took a job on Erathus not long after Allura's memorial. Being his best friend, I thought he would have told you"  
No. Lance hadn't said anything... that was what... at least 5 phoebs in space and he'd said nothing. Forcing a smile the best he could, Keith nodded back at Hunk  
"It slipped my mind. Have you heard from him?"  
"No. He took a job working security, and apparently, he's been having a blast. He can't call all the time, but I know he keeps in contact with Veronica"  
"You're not worried?"  
Looking into the camera, Hunk gestured with his knife  
"We both know how messed up he was after Allura. I feared he'd given up his dream of space completely. If he's enjoying his new line of work, then good for him"  
Messed up... was one way to put it  
"Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to sign off, you know a Blade's work is never done. Krolia's insisting I take a vacation after this mission, so we might be catching up sooner than you think"  
"Please come talk some sense into Shiro over this Curtis thing"  
Snorting, Keith shook his head  
"I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice to anyone"  
"Don't sell yourself short, man. You're the number one bachelor in the universe"  
"Now you sound like Lance"  
"What can I say, he rubs off on you. Take care of yourself, and I'll let Shiro know you called"  
"Thanks, Hunk. You too"

Signing off, Keith slumped back in his pilot's chair. Lance was in space and he seemed to be the only one who had no idea. Did Pidge know? Probably. Leaving Earth required notifying the Garrison. If Pidge and Hunk knew, then Shiro would have to. Did Acxa know? If she didn't before, she would now. And why was Lance on Erathus? Erathus was the playground for the rich. Kind of like the Hollywood of old reborn with the boom in interest when it came to all things Earth related. Earth wasn't exactly the closest of planets, so a barren planet had been cultivated then gifted the name Erathus in reference to their Earth. None of this should be bothering him as much as it was. Lance had made it clear where they stood. Attempting to make his best friend feel better after the loss of his girlfriend, they'd gotten wasted on Nunvil and fallen into bed together. It was sloppy, they hadn't even had sex, just some awkward alcohol-driven mutual masturbation as they made out then passed out drunk without cleaning up. The following morning Lance was gone. Keith knew that for Lance it was an ugly mistake that never should have happened, his own heartfelt as if it'd broken when Lance acted like nothing had happened, then admitted that the whole night was a blank when Shiro had teased them over drinking. So rejected by his crush, Keith had pushed his pain down to be there for Lance, only for Lance to decide he wasn't coming back to space. Coran had coaxed him as far as Altea by requesting his help in erecting Allura's monument and speaking of her to the people of Altea, but if it wasn't Allura related it seemed to mean nothing to the Cuban now. Whining softly at him, Kosmo nosed at him with his wet nose  
"I know. I'm being pathetic. He already rejected me, yet here I am thinking of him all over again. Come on, let's get some sleep?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up pretty people? I know world building isn't the most fun, but we all need a little context

Lance plagued his dreams, his name on Keith's lips as he woke momentarily disoriented before realising just why he'd woken. Clumsily stumbling off his thin cot, he yawned widely as he moved to the cockpit deal with the ringing noise emanating from the area. Dropping down heavily into the pilot's seat, he pulled up the call that had been chiming for his attention  
"Keith?"  
Using a hand to wipe at his eyes, he had no idea why his mother was interrupting his sleep  
"Hey, mum. What's going on?"  
"I hadn't heard from you and was just checking in"  
"I was sleeping. It's a long flight"  
"You left 8 vargas ago, I thought you would have checked in once you were close"  
8 vargas? It felt like he'd only just closed his eyes  
"Yeah. Sorry. Everything's ok here..."  
Dragging the call to one side, he opened up the ship's navigation  
"... and we're still about a varga out"  
"Good. As long as you're ok"  
"I'm fine. You don't need to worry so much"  
"We have an operative missing from the same coordinates we've sent you to, I think I have a right to worry"  
Rolling his eyes at his mother, Lance came back to the front of his mind. Tapping on the navigation screen he pulled up Erathus on the screen, the planet only a hop skip and a jump away from the Ghazex quadrant... maybe he could...  
"Keith?"  
"I'm here. I'm just looking at the planets surrounding those quadrants. Erathus seems to be the closest with the biggest trading centre"  
"There were no signs that Guile made it to Erathus"  
"There were no signs of him making it anywhere"  
Keith regretted the words the moment they slipped from his mouth  
"I mean, I'm just thinking here, but it does seem to be the main trade hub for its quadrant"  
"It's also highly populated with those less than desirable. I doubt he would have landed there, not unless it was a dire emergency"  
Erathus was that bad? Then what the hell was Lance doing there? It didn't sound like the kind of place he should be  
"What if the seller moved the meeting place?"  
Now he was simply manipulating facts to suit his curiosity. Lance didn't wish to see him, so why was he deviating from his original mission and slightly praying that his mother would agree that he should in fact head to Erathus?  
"He would have notified us"  
"Not if he wanted to keep a low profile... You said the rebel camps had received no word from him..."  
"Keith..."  
"Look. I'm approaching the coordinates. I'll scan for any traces of his signature, but it could potentially be a lead. You mentioned this quadrant had seen a lot of activity, is it possible a new faction has arisen?"  
"From the intel we have, it is possible. A number of ships have been attacked or simply gone missing..."  
"Is there a salvage moon near here?"  
"On Thatus. It's two quadrants over. With Erathus being marketed as a tourist planet, the main source of income comes from the tourists making it there alive and in one piece"  
It sounded like a fucked-up rich playground. The perfect place for less than legal things. So again, why the quiznak was Lance there?  
"Keith, something is obviously on your mind. What is it?"  
Biting the inside of his cheek uncharacteristically, he knew there was no escaping his mother's prying  
"I called Hunk earlier. Lance's family on Earth are worried about him"  
"You're thinking about Lance?"  
His mother knew something had transpired between the two of them, but not the details. She seemed to like Lance well enough, but they had barely interacted before she decided to return to the Blades rather than to Earth  
"Hunk said Lance is on Erathus"  
"Oh..."  
"Yeah"  
"Keith..."  
"I know. The mission comes first, but he..."  
"He's your friend"  
"Yeah. Don't worry, the mission comes first"  
"I trust you'll get it done. I also trust you'll make use of all the resources available to you"  
Wait. What?  
"Mum..."  
"Erathus is a tough place to make a life. It's not suited to long term living and draws in all kind of transients. If you think he can help, or if he can shed light on what's been happening in the area... We don't currently have any operatives in the area who can provide fresh intel on Erathus, so you'll be going in blind"  
Kolivan must not have been in the room. He'd damn near have a heart attack if he heard Krolia giving Keith permission to deviate on his original mission plan  
"I... I don't even know if he'll speak to me. He didn't even tell me he was in space. I thought he was still back on Earth spreading Allura's message"  
His mother's face softened  
"I can't tell you what to do. I trust you'll complete your mission, but I also know how much you miss your old team. If your scans come up with nothing, then... Lance may be able to help. I'll leave it your discretion"  
"Kolivan's going to be pissed"  
"Leave him to me"  
Feeling a smile tug on his lips, it was interrupted by another yawn. Shaking himself in an attempt to wake up, he pushed the smile to his lips  
"I always do"  
"Be safe"  
"You too, mum"

Signing off the conversation meant having to get ready for action. Showering and dressing left him feeling somewhat human as he pulled his hair back into his usual ponytail. Did he really want to see Lance? That was a no brainer. He missed fighting alongside him. The constant attempts to one-up each other, and knowing Lance had his back completely. But would Lance even see him? Placing a hand on Kosmo's head, he ruffled his fur affectionately  
"What am I supposed to do? Maybe I should have brought Acxa along after all? But if Lance is working on finding himself again, then should I be interrupting him out of nowhere?"  
Kosmo looked at him like he was an idiot. His wolf forced to sit through many a long night of self angsting over how things had played out  
"Ok. We'll scan the area, check-in with the rebels, then hit up Thatus. Then... He didn't want to take my call, but he can't turn me away if I show up... right?"  
His wolf definitely thought him an idiot. He was acting enough of an idiot for Kosmo to be justified...  
"I'm the freakin' Black Paladin of Voltron. It's just Lance. Why am I making such a big deal about this? I'm just checking to make sure he's alright. That's all..."  
Kosmo huffed, not convinced. Done with his wolf, he turned his attention back to his mission. Guile needed to come before his laughable love life.

*  
Thatus was a complete bust. The junk moon negative for any residual radiation signature left by Guile's ship. None of the rebel camps had any new information for him, nor did several smaller planets he stopped by during his investigation, though they had also been affected by whatever was happening in the sector of space. Calling this through to his mother, he was given the lecture of watching his back on Erathus, and to notify her if anything at all should happen, which she felt likely it would be given his status as the Black Paladin and his human appearance. Forced to leave his ship at the docking station, setting foot on Erathus was a trip and a half. It was just like the images of Earth from before the Third World War. The architecture right out of one of the Garrisons boring history books, while the vehicles were even modelled to match the era with a touch of space in the fact that they all hovered. Making his way into the city past the station, Kosmo started pulling against his hold, his wolf excited by all the noise and colour, but none of it was close to what he'd seen in those few snippets of the phone call with Lance. Wracking his memory, he could vaguely remember catching what seemed to be the letters "GE", which meant nothing. After spending so long in space, having English brandied everywhere was like a slap in the face. Even time seemed to be measured by Earth standards. Keeping his hand firmly on Kosmo, he pulled up how communicator's browser, trying to think of how to search for what he wanted before realising he was making things far more complicated than he needed. He was looking for a club on Erathus that ended with "GE". The device taking a fraction of moment before loading the results. Swapping to image view, he had more success. The thousands of results dropping down to a more manageable number. Only a few ticks later, he was looking at the same "GE" he was sure he'd seen glowing in the background. "The Gilded Cage". Listed as a club, it fitted the bill and wasn't as far from the station as he'd expected. Bringing up the directions, he steeled himself as he started moving with the ever-steady flow of tourists.

Reaching the club, Keith had had to avoid more people than he'd like to have. While each store was set up individually, it didn't mean that they didn't have all sorts of employees out the front trying to peddle business or stopping him for an autograph. Unfortunately wearing his Blade hood would have only served to draw more attention to himself, leaving him to grin and bear it all. Lance would have howled with laughter had he been there to witness Keith's failure with his people skills, and now he'd come this far, his hand shook as he pushed on the golden door handle and entered the club.

Being early in the morning, he'd thought trade would have died down as patrons nursed their hangovers from the night before. Instead, he was submerged into the thick of the club where the music was deadened by a shimmering forcefield that allowed the ongoing light show above the dance floor to cast its glow over what seemed to be some kind of entrance. With no real idea where to move next, he walked over to what he took to be the reception, manned by a rather annoyed looking alien who sat before a wall of keys. The description only listed the club as a club, yet the keys led him to believe that the place may also double as a hotel. If it was a hotel, it would explain why Lance had opted to stay here rather than finding himself an apartment or such... though if he was working, shouldn't his employer have provided accommodation?  
"Can I help you?"  
Clearing his throat, Keith hoped he could  
"I hope so. I'm looking for a friend"  
Sighing, the alien lowered his dataslate  
"Does this friend have a name? Or am I supposed to guess"  
"His name's La..."  
No. One of the people he was with called him "Leandro", not "Lance"  
"His name's Leandro"  
Picking the dataslate back up, the alien lent back in his chair  
"Leandro isn't taking customers at the moment"  
Customers?! Why would Lance be taking customers?  
"I'm not a customer, I'm his friend"  
"Look, if I let everyone in claiming to be his friend, it'd never end"  
Anger prickled under Keith's skin, the man implying more than Keith was comfortable with  
"Just what are you trying to say?"  
"That he's a popular guy. Real heartbreaker"  
"I'm his friend from Earth. I just want to talk to him"  
"In that case give him a call. Until then, why don't do you what every other broken heart does and drink your sorrows"  
This couldn't be right. Lance wasn't that kind of guy. He was a ridiculous flirt, but faithful to a fault. Biting down an annoyed growl, he looked towards the bar doors. When the alien failed to say anything else, he figured he might as well check the club out in hopes of finding Lance inside, however, slim the chance.

Kosmo wasn't a fan of the music, and Keith wasn't a fan of the scene. Suspended in cages just above the dance floor, dancers of all races bared almost everything they had. Ordering the first drink off the list, Keith skulked his way over to the corner of the room, spying a staircase that seemed to lead to an upper level. The only problem was the two huge bouncers at the foot of it... and the fact he didn't know if Lance was actually up there. Having come this far, the logical thing to do would be to call Lance, but the thought of being rejected again cut a little too close to home  
"Can you get me up there?"  
Looking to the stairs, Keith wasn't quite ready when his wolf decided to teleport right off the bat. The second level of the club was like stepping into another world with its plush red carpeting and black walls. The doors almost hidden along the hall by the lack of light  
"Ok... let's see if Pidge's hacking program works here"  
Moving into the shadows with Kosmo, Keith pulled up the program, letting it run its course as it sought out the clubs security system. He had intended to run the program downstairs while blending in, but Kosmo's enthusiasm at seeing Lance again had ruined the mission before it'd even begun. Softly urging the loading green bar to hurry up, there was a soft ding as it completed and his device was filled with the clubs information. Nothing beat Pidge. Even on the other side of the universe, she was still just as formidable as if she'd been by his side. He totally owed her big time for this. Scrolling through the excess of information, he found a room booked under the letters "Lea" which had to be Lance. Room 727... looking for a number on the closest door, he realised it was bare. His small victory not quite as victorious as he'd hoped, leaving him to rely on Kosmo again  
"Can you track Lance down? No teleporting you big doof"

Kosmo led him to the very end of the hall before sitting in front of another annoyingly plain door. Raising his hand to knock, panic once again struck. They hadn't left things on the greatest of terms. Phone calls were one thing, but it was nothing like speaking face to face... and god his sad pining arse wanted to. Whether responding to his presence outside the door or a sensor he couldn't see, Lance's door slid open silently. Maybe there was no need for security with the two bouncers looking like they could easily snap a mere human in two without breaking a sweat  
"Lance?"  
Cautiously entering the space, he knew he had the right room when he sighted the photo of Allura on the rooms small kitchenette counter. The whole place had a pay as you go kind of vibe, yet still held traces that this wasn't that kind of space for Lance  
"Lance? Are you here?"  
Receiving no answer, Keith wasn't sure what to do next. If Lance was working, it could be vargas before he returned...  
"Lance, its Keith..."

With a whoosh, a door opened to the left of him, Keith nearly jumping out of his skin as Lance walked out what appeared to be a bathroom and promptly froze mid ruffle of his wet hair  
"Keith?!"  
Almost shrieking his name, it was nice to know he wasn't the only one shocked  
"Hey, man"  
"Wha... how... wha... How did you get here?"  
Spluttering, Lance was just as handsome as he remembered him... then it hit him... his friend's marks were absent from his face. The marks that Keith hadn't been able to look at initially now gone, leaving behind Lance's beautiful face  
"I was in the area and thought I'd drop by"  
"But... what... why? How did you even know where to find me?"  
This wasn't quite the reunion he'd planned in his head, even though he hadn't actually planned out what he'd say or do. Lance seemed annoyed by his presence  
"I called you the other night and happened to see this place in the background"  
Facepalming, Lance groaned  
"That's right. Look, I'm sorry I hung up on you. You called in the middle of work. I'm actually on my way to my job..."  
Was Lance politely trying to throw him out? After all, he'd gone through to find him  
"I actually need your help. I'm looking for someone and thought you might know them. I mean, you have been here for the last 5 phoebs"  
His tone held far too much accusation to be comfortable. Lance looking pretty damned uncomfortable as he draped his towel over his shoulders  
"Keith..."  
"A Blade member has gone missing. He was supposed to meet with an arms dealer so we could trace the source, but he failed to check in"  
"Man, I'd really like to help you, but work..."  
Was Lance hurt? The light in his eyes seemed to have dimmed  
"Can you just take a quick look?"  
Closing his eyes, the Cuban took a deep breath before exhaling as he opened them  
"Keith, I'm sorry you came all this way, but I really need to get to work. Why don't you send me the files and I'll take a look for you"  
"Or you could look now"  
Walking further into the space, Lance walked right past him and over to what seemed to be a walk-in robe, the wall sliding away with another soft hiss  
"I can't"  
"Lance"  
"Keith"  
"Drop the bullshit. What are you doing here? Here in space? And why didn't you tell me you were here? Your family's been calling Veronica nonstop. Hunk says not to worry, then I find you in a what? A strip club? Where you're not taking clients? What's going on? This isn't like you"  
Turning on him, Lance glared  
"Isn't like me? What do you even know?"  
"I know..."  
"What?! We haven't spoken in months. Phoebs! Now you show up asking for a favour. No. I have to get to work"  
"Lance"  
"Don't even bother Keith. I'm sorry your friend is missing, and I hope you find him. But you need to leave"  
Where was all this coming from? The Lance he knew would talk it out before leaping to anger. Snatching a jacket out his walk-in robe, Lance went about getting ready in front of him  
"Lance, I came here because I missed my friend"  
"Right. Sure you did"  
"You didn't even tell me you'd left Earth! I would have..."  
"You would have what? Dropped everything to come to visit me?"  
"I thought you were with your family on Earth. You made it pretty clear you intended to stay there"  
Giving a dry laugh, Lance picked his communicator up and moved towards the door  
"Lance..."  
"Earth... Earth isn't home anymore. It's not the same planet we left. When we left, no one knew about all the races out there. And now... it's changed too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy all those people are safe, but Earth isn't the same. Besides. The Holt's have already started training the next generation of Paladins. They're even working on their own versions of the Lions. Coran and Romelle are happy on Altea. Hunk is always travelling across the universe with Shay. Shiro's retired to find his happy ever with Curtis. You're running Daibazol with your mum, and Kolivan... All I had left was Earth, but it's not home anymore. I don't recognise the streets. The beaches. The people. Nothing can ever be like it was before. In the castle, all I had were my dreams of going home... and now I have nothing. So thanks for stopping by, but you need to go"  
Grabbing him by the sleeve, Lance forced him over to the door, opening it than pushing him forcibly into the hall. Whether by accident or not, his friend's communicator slipped from Lance's hand as he withdrew his grip  
"I haven't seen your friend. Go home, Keith. I know what I'm doing"  
Kosmo teleported out just as the door was closing, the pair of them left standing in the hall shocked at what had transpired. This wasn't the Lance he knew... but did he even really know him anymore?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I have no set schedule... but here is three

Returning to his ship in an angry daze, Kosmo had tried to climb into his lap feeling dejected from Lance's lack of attention. Keith... he just couldn't understand. Sitting on his thin bed, he glared down at Lance's communicator in annoyance as replayed their conversation in his mind. Maybe entering Lance's room had been a touch too far, but the anger he'd shown was way out of proportion. And what did he even mean that Earth wasn't his home anymore? From the moment they first reached the castle, Lance had been dying to return to his family... And what did he mean Shiro had already retired to be with Curtis? None of it made any sense. He'd wanted to see his best friend again, but said best friend seemed to genuinely hate him... And what was with his lack of marks? Was it make up? The more he thought about it, the more his mood worsened, the communicator in his hands threatened to break if he applied any more pressure to the thin device. Fuck it. Fuck Lance. It wasn't like he didn't have enough on his mind as it was. He still had no leads over Guile. He'd found his best friend and longtime crush living in a fucking brothel, getting up to gods know what and he has the nerve to get mad when Keith makes the effort?!

Not caring he was invading Lance's privacy, Keith thumbed over the communicators surface. If Lance wasn't going to tell him what the quiznak was going on, he'd have to investigate himself. He had to know... he had to know if it was personal, or if Lance had snubbed the rest of the team in the same manner as he'd done him. Opening his call logs, he scrolled through the list. Each Earth Sunday, he called Veronica. In fact, Veronica seemed to be the most called person on his phone. Next was his mother, listed under "Mama", presumably a blanket name for his family, phone calls home seemed to happen once every two movements lasting for at least a varga each time, though they were also the most missed calls on the device. If Lance was phoning home, then why were his parents so worried? It didn't make sense. Closing his call log, he opened Lance's messages. Veronica's name popping up first, marked with 5 unread messages. Next was his mother again... then Hunk, Pidge, and Shiro, but the dates on these messages were far older, three or so phoebs ago. Frowning, this wasn't the Lance he knew. Lance always liked to check-in. He always liked to know everyone was alright. Opening Shiro's message thread, his heart fell when he read what was there. Four times Lance had tried to reach out to Shiro, each time asking "how he was" or "what he'd been up to", only for Shiro to reply each time that he was "sorry, but couldn't talk at the moment". Growling slightly, he closed the thread to open Pidge's, only to find it reading more or less the same thing. The cherry on the top was Hunk's thread. Lance had been encouraging him and Shay, telling Hunk to "go for it", and that he was "an amazing catch anyone would be lucky to have", only, the messages had tapered off to exactly the same thing as what had happened with Shiro and Pidge. Closing out of the thread, he scrolled down further to find he hadn't messaged Lance or replied to his messages either in over four phoebs. They'd spoken via calls, but the messages thing... He honestly hadn't realised it'd been so long. Flicking back to the call log, he felt sick when he did the maths, Lance had hardly been involved in any of the team's movemently calls. By trying to give Lance space, he'd inadvertently shut the man out completely. If he was Lance, he'd be pretty pissed too, especially when they'd gone through all of this before on their return journey back to Earth. None of them meant it maliciously. People simply got busy with life, but for Lance, Voltron had always been a cruel test of self-worth when the Red Paladin had absolutely nothing to prove to any of them. He was the one Keith trusted to watch his back. To question his judgement and to pull him back into line when he fucked up as the leader of the group. He'd thought he was doing better. He knew he was doing better. He'd been able to work through so many things when stranded on the space whale with his mother, but the one person who deserved his attention, who'd always tried to make him feel welcome in his own stupid ways, had slipped right through the cracks. It was a bitter pill to swallow. He had to see Lance again. He had to let him know he was quiznakking idiot and that he was sorry. That... even if Lance didn't have those kinds of feelings for him, he still wanted him in his life. Flopping back on his bed, Kosmo crawled up to drop his head down Keith's chest with a sad whine  
"Sorry, boy. It's me he's mad at. He's been out here for months, and none of seem to care. He didn't want to come back out here. He was happy back on Earth and I thought I could live with that... but he's not ok... I know I'm supposed to be concentrating on Guile... but how do I leave him like this? How do I leave him when he's hurting? He goes above and beyond for all of us, and what do we do? We don't even bother to reply to his messages. I must have seemed like the biggest arsehole in the universe turning up out of nowhere and asking his help like I haven't been ignoring him"  
Whining at him, he took it to mean Kosmo agreed  
"We should go apologise. I need to return his communicator too... He's going to be pissed when he realises I have it... Maybe I should return it before he comes back from work? That way he won't know... Why wouldn't he talk to me?"  
A drunken unremembered night wasn't enough to ruin the bond they'd formed was it? Or was something else weighing on Lance's mind? When his own communicator started ringing, he jumped violently enough for Kosmo to teleport away in fear. Pulling up his mother's call, he sighed as she saw right through his unhappy expression  
"What happened?"  
"Erathus"  
"Hold on a tick"  
Catching sight of Acxa and Kolivan, the last thing he wanted was an audience to his stupidity. Leaving the control room, his mother was soon back with the same concerned look on her face  
"Is something wrong?"  
"I fucked up"  
"Language"  
"Fine. I stuffed up so quiznakking royally, I don't know how to fix it"  
"Explain"  
"None of have been talking to Lance. I didn't even realise how much time had passed and he wasn't exactly happy to see me"  
"Did he say so?"  
"Pretty much. I don't think he meant to force his communicator on me, but he tried talking to all of us, only for us to brush him off. Each time. Finally, he stopped and none of us realised"  
"Keith, there's still so much to clean up. Ten thousand years of tyranny cannot be fixed in a few short years"  
"But... this is Lance. He literally got himself blown up like the first day he met Coran protecting him. He'd do the same for any of us, and we... Especially with Allura. Now I've shown up asking for a favour. No wonder he's so mad"  
"Did you try explaining how busy you've been?"  
"I didn't get the chance, he was on his way to work and I don't think he appreciated me letting myself into his room"  
"Keith"  
"It wasn't my fault. Kosmo had to sniff him out because he wasn't listed on the guest registry of the..."  
He couldn't say brothel, that'd only make things worse  
"... hotel he's been staying at. The door opened before I could knock, and when I called I got no answer"  
Sighing heavily, his mother shook her head  
"Alright. What about Guile?"  
"Nothing. Nothing on Thatus. Nothing from the rebel camps, or the planets I stopped by"  
"I'll speak to Kolivan over how he wants to proceed. I can already tell what you want to do next"  
"Even if it's just for a quintant, I want to talk to him. Make sure he's doing better than it seems"  
"I know you care deeply for him, but you need to be prepared to accept that he might not feel the same way about you, as you do about him"  
Keith's face reddened  
"Mum!"  
"I'm just saying..."  
"I know exactly what you're saying. I've already accepted it, I just want to know he's ok and apologise for ignoring him without intending to"  
"Alright. Call me. You might be worried about him, but I'm worried about you"  
"I know, mum. I'll check in tomorrow"  
"Be safe"  
"Yeah, yeah. I love you too"  
Ending the call, Keith closed his eyes. This wasn't how his vacation was supposed to be going at all.

*  
Leaving Kosmo in his ship Keith found something more appropriate to wear back to the club in the form of a plain black shirt, black skinny jeans, and his black boots. Highly unoriginal, yet enough that looked more touristy than he had previously. With Lance's communicator in his pocket, Keith was armed with an apology and the hope Lance would let him get everything off his chest without yelling again. He'd had feelings for Lance so long that it'd been honestly painful to give his best friend the support and push he'd needed to pursue Allura, despite how she'd treated his best friend. Lance had worshipped the ground the princess had walked on. He'd been brushed aside over and over again, forced to watch her fall in love with Lotor, the forced to watch as Lotor tore her heart out. He wasn't naive enough to believe that Allura was incapable of getting over her feelings for him, it was just... on Earth all she'd been preoccupied with was spending every waking moment waiting for the robeast pilot to awaken, then suddenly she was as keen on Lance as he'd been on her since day one. Lance had worried himself sick over their date, coming to him of all people for reassurance. Watching the sunset, he'd desperately wanted to tell Lance not to go through with it all, lying to himself that as long as Lance was happy he could be too.

Making his way back to the club, the never-ending tide of people streaming through the streets hadn't seemed to abate in the slightest, even 12 vargas later. The city illuminated in every colour rainbow as adverts played on massive screens for things he'd never even heard of. Small walkways he'd never noticed that morning now lit up, advertising casinos or clubs, and all manner of entertainment. A person really could find something here to satisfy that itch of perversion each tourist seemed to carry silently on their shoulders. He hated it all. Clubbing wasn't his scene, or maybe clubbing alone wasn't his scene. He hadn't had the most practical of childhoods, or atypical teenager life. The years most spent experimenting were lost to him on the space whale, yet he couldn't bring himself to regret a single moment of the time spent getting to know his mother. The time has softened his sharp edges, giving him a whole new perspective on life.

Letting himself into the club, he skipped the front desk as he headed for the main dance floor, aliens of every race all dancing and mingling as unidentifiable music played over the speaker system. Whatever it was, the atmosphere was soaked with sex in the air. Ordering himself a drink really didn't seem worth it, yet without Kosmo to teleport him up to the second level, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. The building clearly had more than two levels, the roof not visible from street height at all, yet if he did attempt to enter at a higher level it might eventuate in him causing a scene that could cost Lance his precious job. Positioning himself at the end of the counter, he ignored the way his drink glowed a soft green as he opened his communicator to pull up the buildings security data.

"Is this seat taken?"  
In his own world, Keith didn't realise he was being talked to. He'd found the schematics to the buildings air duct system, the main turbines on the 95th floor... There were smaller outlet shafts at ground level around the back of the building, but they tapered down to a size that he'd have to be a mouse to get through, completely ruining all chances of using the ducts to reach Lance's room. For someone who loved space and the starts, he was surprised Lance didn't want to be closer to them. Feeling a tug on his arm, he was pulled back reality. A young female alien with four arms and far too much make up was staring down at him  
"Sorry?"  
"I asked if this seat was taken?"  
"No?"  
Turning back to his communicator, his arm was tugged on again  
"You're not very good at flirting, are you?"  
He was being flirted with?  
"Sorry, I'm..."  
"What? You think you're going to sit there and act like you're too good for me?!"  
"No, it's..."  
"It's what? Is there something wrong with me?"  
Other than the fact she wasn't Lance? Or the fact she looked as if she'd bathed in her makeup before leaving her room?  
"No. I..."  
Yelling something at him in something that must have been her native tongue, Keith sat there in shock as stormed off. He hadn't even done anything, and it wasn't like he'd asked for any of that to happen. Fuck it. He was on a mission to find a way up to Lance's room while bypassing the bouncers that guarded the second floor. It was time for diversionary tactics. If he couldn't awkwardly people his way through this, then he'd have to Blade of Marmora his way through instead. Pulling up the building schematics again, he pulled up the power grid, thanking Pidge yet again that her program made everything far too easy. With a few taps, there was a smirk on his lips as the lighting behind the bar went out, the bartenders visibly confused as customers grew angry over their inability to drink themselves even stupider. The first punch thrown with the offender then hurled over the bar, from the way the staff simply sidestepped the commotion Keith was left wondering how many times brawls had resulted in the same thing happening. As the two bouncers moved to break up the fight, he restored power to the bar before draining his drink and slipping through the warm bodies on the dance floor. He hadn't intended on a brawl, but damn it'd been effective.

The second floor was illuminated differently as Keith walked the passage. Some doors lit with an aqua light above sensor strips to the right of them, some lit with red. Given he didn't know what the aqua or red lights were about he wasn't even going to speculate what the yellow or light green ones meant, despite the fact the light above the sensor strip to Lance's room was glowing yellow. Lifting his hand, he waited like he had that morning, hoping that when the door opened Lance wouldn't be there and he'd be able to return the communicator without him noticing. After that, he'd slip back down into the club and message Lance over catching up. It wasn't like he didn't have time to waste now that his mother had Kolivan preoccupied. Taking a few moments, the door slid open silently to reveal the brightly lit interior of Lance's room. The lights from the street spilling in to cast patterns across the ceiling which were pretty in their own way, yet left him with a kind of hollow feeling in his chest. All this life was going on around Lance, so why was his room so devoid of it all? Shaking his head, he scolded himself. He'd already snooped enough by going through Lance's phone. Anything else he wanted to know had to come from Lance himself. It was only right, and he wasn't hearing the full story with the sideways stalking of him. Striding across the room he fished out lance's communicator from his pocket, so he could carefully place it back down from where Lance had retrieved it earlier. Turning back towards the door he knew he had to leave, but... if he did, would Lance answer him when he messaged? In all likelihood, he probably wouldn't. They'd moved past that in their relationship. But maybe he would? It'd been vargas since he'd turned up on Lance's doorstep, enough time for Lance to process that he was there and wanted to talk... Quiznak. Why was it that Lance turned him into such a bundle of uncertainty? 

Crossing back towards the door, there was a solid thud against it from the other side, followed by a soft laugh that could have only been Lance's. Keith's heart leapt at the sound, only for it to fall when a gruff voice joined it. Lance was laughing with someone else... and he was about to be sprung in Lance's room all over again. Slightly panicked, he did the only thing he could and threw himself at the bathroom door, it sliding back with a soft whoosh as he drew his blade and darted inside, hitting the door panel to close it as the main door to the apartment opened, wedging his blade between the door and the frame, his stalkerish ways hitting a whole new level as he watched through the gap. 

Laughing and giggling, Lance had his legs wrapped around a Galra, a second one crowding from behind, the mood between the three of them flirtatious enough for Keith to step back. He didn't want to see this, but he couldn't look away.

"Slow down... mmm, just like that"  
Watching both Galra mouth at Lance's neck, Lance moaned for more, the one behind him ripping off the man's shirt causing Lance to giggle even more  
"Did no ever teach you patience?"  
"No"  
Laughing like it was the most hilarious thing he'd ever heard, Lance was cut short as he carried over to his bed and dropped down. Crawling up the covers he soon disappeared from view, yet his voice carried well  
"Come here, Papi. I haven't had a Galra in a while..."  
Lance was... he was... no...  
"We're going to fuck you until you can't walk"  
"Just the way I like it"  
He could hear the wink in Lance's voice, followed by a rustling of cloth. Moving out of the way to undo their pants, Lance was down to his boxer briefs, long caramel legs spread as he reached out for both Galra...  
"That's right... come here... I'm going to make you both feel so good..."  
Covering his mouth to stifle his breathing, Keith was murderous. Lance shouldn't be... not with... it was stupidly romantic, just like Lance was, but Lance should only be having sex with the person he loved. Someone to treasure him. Someone who wouldn't pay him and leave him. Closing his eyes, he willed his breathing to calm, opening them as Lance let out a particularly loud moan. He was going to die right here. Lance would casually walk into the bathroom and find him dead right there. Keith. Killed by his embarrassment caused by stalkerish ways because he couldn't simply grow a pair and ask Lance out properly. What a way to die.

"Slow down, Papi... we have all night and this little pup is going to be such a good boy for you both"

Drawing both Galra close, Lance traded kisses between the pair, before reaching under his pillow with both hands. The pair of Galra growling as he did  
"It's ok. We humans need a little help to loosen up down there..."  
The next moment brought a flurry of action on Lance's end. One moment he was moaning, the next he was tearing two black tranquilliser guns out from under his pillows, both finding their marks against the necks of the two Galra hovering over Lance. It was only a tick before the purple liquid in both had been depressed into the Galra's necks and the pair were scrambling backwards off him Lance, holding the wound site as they glared down at him  
"Have a nice nap, boys"  
Collapsing down the bigger of the pair cursed "Leandro", promising to "tear his throat out of if he ever saw him again". Lance wasn't phased at all. Climbing from his bed, he made his way to his kitchen where he opened the top drawer to withdraw another communicator. This one black in comparison to the orange one Keith had snooped through before  
"LEA. 2D. NMTN. NCN. RTN. PHNPHS. TS"  
What was that supposed to mean? Why was Lance listing off a bunch of weird letters and looking so bored about it all as he did? Whatever it meant, that was all there was to the call. Pausing to retrieve a gown from his walk-in-robe, Lance moved to his bedside table where he retrieved two pairs of cuffs. Cuffing both Galra with a sigh, he gave each of them a kick to the side for good measure before dropping back down on the side of his bed. There were plenty of times in Keith's life where he couldn't find the words to say what he wanted, but right now, he wasn't even sure he knew what words were. Through the crack in the door, he was forced to watch as Lance pulled the tranquilliser vial from the gun, then slid a softly glowing yellow one into place and held it to his thigh, openly injecting himself with whatever was in there. Placing the gun back down, he then rose to walk over to the kitchen. Keith couldn't...

Sinking down onto the toilet, Keith buried his face in his hands. None of this made any sense in any way, shape or form. Lance didn't do drugs. He didn't go around luring Galra back to his bed only to drug them. And who was on the other end of that call? Left to stew a few doboshes passed before there was knock at lance's door and he found himself back on his feet spying all over again. Nodding at Lance, the man in charge of what seemed to be five aliens of the same species as the bouncers downstairs passed Lance a package silently while his goons gathered up the two unconscious Galra. The exchange silent. The group walking out of the room like it was an everyday occurrence...  
"You're welcome! Jodido policia..."  
Policia... was police. He enough Spanish to know that. That was the police? They didn't look terribly police like, and with all the run-ins he had, he really well and truly knew what police officers looked like. The police wanted those two Galra and what... Lance was working with them? Hadn't he been working as a bodyguard? Or had Hunk got it all wrong and assumed a job in security had meant bodyguard? Absolutely every single of one his questions could be answered if he simply burst from the bathroom right now to ask. Instead, he sank back down on the toilet. What the Quiznak was all of this?!

*  
Still trapped in the bathroom, Keith waited with bated breath. Lance was grumbling over something, drawing his attention back to sliver in the door. Obviously oblivious to the fact he was being watched, Lance went about getting changed into an outfit that could barely be called an outfit. He was covered, but that was about it. His outfit skintight leaving nothing to the imagination. Settling down on his sofa, he tapped away on his black communicator, pulling up a holocall with someone he didn't recognise, talking for a few ticks, Lance was all smiles, grabbing his jacket and making for the door as he promised: "he'd be right down". Now would have been the time to say something, Lance passing within millimetres of the bathroom door before disappearing out the main door like he hadn't just assisted in the capture of two over handsy Galra that Keith wouldn't mind spending 5 minutes unsupervised and alone with. Now that the apartment was cleared of Lance's presence, he was going to get some damn answers.

Starting in the bathroom, he didn't like what he saw. Bloodied bandages. Bottles of red and blue pills. A small black box filled with those same yellow vials. If he was going to stalk Lance, he might as well go all out. He couldn't help Lance if he didn't understand what he was looking at, and what was a little stealing between friends? Popping the covers on both bottles of pills, he shook two of each out, then replaced them carefully. A quick check of the draw beneath revealed another one of those black boxes, this one half-empty making it easier to steal a few tubes without Lance noticing. Pausing as he slipped the "borrowed" items into his pocket, he took a deep breath. Was he going to do this? And was it really... what if he... what if whatever this was, was exactly what he was thinking it was? The drugs. Throwing himself at random strangers? Drugging them? Living in a club... that was actually a brothel... Did Veronica know? No. Veronica couldn't. She would have dragged Lance out of here the moment she'd heard. Something he too should be doing... But with all Lance had been through, he deserved the benefit of the doubt.

Slipping out of Lance's room, the man in question was walking back along the hall with a male he didn't recognise. Attempting to appear casual, Keith went to lean on the door, only to remember at the last moment that the doors here opened automatically, leaving him cringing internally as his shoulder his the wall. Whatever Lance was saying was broken off when he realised Keith was standing there, a frown passing over his lips before being replaced with a clearly fake smile. The "friend" he was with didn't look too happy that whatever had been about to happen had been waylaid  
"Keith? What are you doing in front of my room?"  
The weight of the pills in his pocket seemed to grow exponentially  
"Hey, man..."  
His internal flinching growing at the slighter higher pitch of his voice  
"... I just came by to... uh... apologise about earlier. It came across wrong. I mean, I do need your help, but that was secondary"  
Lance brightened up. His posture taller and his smile less fake  
"It's fine. It wasn't a good time, work and all that..."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah, man. It's all good. I'm actually in the middle of something... but we should talk?"  
In the middle of what? And who was this person... Was Lance sleeping with him? Or was he another "client"? Why was his mouth moving again? And what was he saying?  
"That would be nice. I'm heading off again tonight, but I'll call you?"  
Lance nodded, though that tinge of real smile was gone again. Quiznak... No. He wanted to stay. He wanted to shove the stranger away and drag Lance back into his apartment, then shake him until he admitted everything and Keith could finally take a deep breath knowing that all of this was some tragic misunderstanding caused by his stalking  
"Sounds good. If you remember to send me those files, I'll take a look"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Can't let down the former leader of Voltron, can I?"  
If it was Hunk, Lance would have been joking how he couldn't let down his "best bud". The comment hurt just as bad as any gut punch he'd ever had  
"Yeah. I'll let you get back to it"  
"Thanks. I'll be waiting for that call"  
"I've actually got some time off, so I promise not to forget"  
Forcing himself off the wall and to walk past Lance, the sweet scent of flowers met his nose the moment their shoulders brushed. Lance had always taken care of himself, so no doubt he was reading everything wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me posting and telling myself I will edit when I get home...

Having messaged Lance through the files on their missing operative, Keith followed up with an inviting for drinks on Daibazaal, or on Erathus if Lance felt more comfortable there. The Blades could live without him for a quintants, and honestly, with how concerned he was for Lance, he'd be completely useless until they'd reconciled. Not receiving an immediate reply was disheartening, but given he'd already stated he was leaving, he had no other choice to do just that. If he returns to Daibazaal, he'd only be nagged to death by his mother until he'd finally admit what had transpired on Erathus and ultimately cause things to be blown way out of proportion. There were a few rebel planets he could take refuge on, yet his mother's words lingered in his ears. He really should visit Shiro. Hunk had practically begged him to visit... And Shiro had always been there for him. Shiro was also the one who'd understood Lance's pain the most. The pain of losing the one you'd planned forever with. Keith could only understand what he had experienced. Lance was still alive. He was still alive, and though he'd seen him twice face to face, it felt as if his friend had died and left some new stranger in his body. Those thoughts hitting far too close to home for comfort, especially when he considered the fact that Lance's marks truly seemed to be gone. Calling through to Hunk, Hunk was confused yet ecstatic when he mentioned he planned to visit, agreeing to help hide things from Shiro until they rendezvoused in the region of space that the Atlas was currently patrolling. Requesting permission for a wormhole from Erathus, he was left waiting half a varga before receiving permission. Not wanting to give the Atlas away, he jumped through to a few quadrants away from the ship, where his navigation system informed him that he'd be upon the ship within the varga, possibly sooner if the Atlas was moving in his direction. Keith had hoped the distance would be closer as now he was left to let his mind roam back to the medication sitting on his bed with his Blades uniform. Even if it felt like he was lying to himself, he still wanted to believe that there was no way Lance was taking illicit substances, that he'd abuse that beautiful body of his in such a way. Once he reached the Atlas, he intended to have the samples screened, which may have also been his reason for visiting even if he couldn't state as much to Hunk. It'd break Hunk to know Lance wasn't ok, that he wasn't enjoying his job, and that he'd let himself fall into whatever situation he was now stuck in. Whining softly at him, Kosmo dropped his head down in the half-Galra's lap. His dopey wolf still hurt from being shunned by Lance when they'd grown so close during the flight back to Earth. Ruffling Kosmo's thick fur, Keith silently promised he was going to save Lance from himself, if not for his sake then for Kosmo's.

*  
Dressing in his Blade uniform made asking for help from Shiro all that much easier. Explaining that there was missing Blade member and that he samples that needed to be tested, there was a small twinge of guilt as Shiro leapt the conclusion he'd hoped he would, that both cases were related. Turning over the samples, Shiro was quick to pass command over to Veronica before spiriting him away to the dining hall to surprise Hunk. Glowing with genuine happiness, he didn't have the heart to admit that Hunk had helped planned everything. Veronica seemed to know he was coming, which made sense given she and Hunk had known each other before the whole "Voltron" thing had gone down.

"Keith! Man, it's so good to see you!"  
Swept off his feet, Keith snorted as he was treated to one of Hunk's trademark hugs. His former teammate quick to release him  
"Sorry, man. It's just... is it really you?"  
Laughing at Hunk, Keith nodded slowly  
"It's been too long. Sorry, even with the fall of the empire work never seems to end. Most of the previous generals were dealt with by Haggar, which is nice and all, but she failed to deal with the ones who had their eyes on that role and have now struck out on there own"  
"I feel you, man. It's like, why can't we all eat and be friends!?"  
Trust it all to be food-related. Crossing his arms, Shiro frowned his infamous dad frown at both of them  
"Hunk knew you were coming, didn't he?"  
"Maybe?"  
"I can't believe you two conspired against me"  
Spluttering Hunk held his hands up as if telling Shiro to stop  
"I didn't conspire against you. Keith was the one who called me, and I thought with how busy you've been, it'd be a nice surprise. Man, if only Pidge and Lance were here, it'd be like old times"  
Uncrossing his arms, Shiro pulled up a screen on his communicator as he spoke  
"Pidge has had great success with Rover, you know she barely steps out her lab these days"  
"And Lance has to work. We should call them though"  
"Yes! I mean. Yeah, it's been ages"  
Fuck. He couldn't have sounded any more eager if he'd tried  
"Ooooh. Is someone missing Lance?"  
Jabbing Shiro in the ribs with his elbow, Shiro yelped  
"Don't give me that. You and Lance were always close, whether because of your rivalry or not"  
Moving to pat his back with enough force that he was nearly knocked off his feet, Hunk kept his hand there as he started leading the pair of them towards the kitchen  
"Yep! Shiro's right. It's not weird if you miss him. I miss him. Shay got tired of me turning around and expecting Lance to be there to taste test whatever was on the stove"  
"Have either of you talked to him lately?"  
Hunk shook his head and looked to Shiro who also gave a shake of his head, Hunk then sighing deeply before replying  
"I haven't talked to him since he arrived on Erathus. Veronica's always telling me he says "Hi", but he hasn't messaged in phoebs. And the few times when we have talked, it's been on Veronica's coms, so it's never for long"  
"What about you? Has he been talking to you?"  
Keith could hear the starts of the cogs turning over in Shiro's brain as he started to worry for Lance. He wanted to yell at both of them for neglecting Lance, but he'd done the exact same thing  
"Actually, I talked to him, the missing Blade member vanished near Erathus, so I reached out to him on the off chance he'd happen to have heard something. He promised to take a look at the file and keep an eye out"  
"Let me guess "As long as it doesn't get in the way of his job"? Veronica said he's happy working as a bodyguard"  
"Hunk, he's in security. The first job was as a bodyguard, then he was hired to do some kind of planet security..."  
Shiro's sentence stalled  
"See, you know about as much as we do. Did he... say how he is? If he's ok?"  
Other than yelling at him because their friends had no time for him, Lance was totally fine... He hated lying. The atmosphere between the three of them was good. Like... being reconnected with missing limbs he didn't know were missing  
"He seemed ok. You know Lance though. Surrounded by all the beautiful aliens he could ask for"  
"I don't know about that. Rachel said he was still upset about Allura when he left. I know he loved her, but he needed to move on"  
Rachel... He knew the name...  
"His sister. Don't worry, man. He has enough family that even I get confused and I've known them for years"  
Thank god for Hunk  
"I doubt he even remembered her name"  
"Hey! I do too. He's got a crazy amount of family though. Hunk just said so"  
Ruffling his hair, in the same manner, Keith was always ruffling Kosmo's, Shiro was all smiles  
"I know. I have to get all my teasing in before you leave again. They grow up so fast"  
Pretending to wipe fake tears away, Hunk bit his lip. Pushing Shiro away, Keith laughed as he dodged his brother's mechanical arm  
"I remember why I don't come back now. It's this!"  
"Aw, Keith. Don't be like that. We've all missed you"  
"Shiro hasn't. He's been too busy pining over Curtis. Isn't that what you said?"  
Shiro gaped at Hunk, Hunk blushing red  
"I told you that in confidence!"  
"If you're both going to tease me, I'm going to tease right back. You're lucky I'm mad at Shiro, or I'd be teasing you over Shay"  
"You wouldn't!"  
Pretending to be angered for a moment longer, Keith couldn't hold down his smile  
"No, man. She's great for you. I'm happy you're happy"  
Catching him in a headlock, Shiro held him playfully  
"You're right, Hunk. I think this might be an imposter. Who are you? And where's the real Keith?"  
Rolling his eyes, Keith huffed  
"Ha ha. You're hilarious. I don't know what Curtis sees in you. It's not your sense of humour"  
"You're not about to let his go, are you?"  
"Not at all"  
"Quiznak. Right. I guess there's no avoiding it, we're dating"  
Hunk let out a joyous whoop. Shiro released him half a tick before they were both swept into his arms  
"See Keith! This is why you need to visit more often! I'm going to make you a celebratory lunch. Keith, make sure he doesn't leave!"  
"I will"

Choosing a table towards the back of the dining hall, Keith steadied himself for the coming lecture. It was all over Shiro's face as he sat across from him. Eyeing each other for a long moment, Shiro checked to double make sure no one was within earshot  
"Spit it out already"  
Laughing lightly, Shiro leaned in, placing both elbows on the table as he did  
"Am I that transparent?"  
"Just a little. What's wrong?"  
"I could ask the same of you. Don't think I'm not happy to see you, but this surprise visit feels rather sudden"  
"Can't I simply want to see my brother?"  
"Not when you look like your mind's back on Daibazaal. What's wrong? Is it Lance?"  
"You know I hate it when you do that. Not everything going on in my life is Lance related"  
"So you've talked to him about how you feel?"  
What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn't even tease him over Curtis given he'd bitten the bullet and they were now dating  
"Keith..."  
"It's not that easy. He was busy with work and stuff... besides, he's made it clear enough"  
"Did he? Or did you just assume?"  
"Shiro, he didn't even tell me he was back in space. Everyone else knew. It was Hunk who told me he was on Erathus"  
There was a degree of saltiness in his tone that couldn't go ignored. Shiro pinching the bridge of his nose  
"Are you he didn't tell you?"  
"Do you think me that much of an idiot? He... I..."  
He'd nearly slipped and admitted he was sure Lance wasn't as alright as he seemed  
"He seemed so distant. He was right there, but it didn't feel like it all"  
"That doesn't sound like him. He seemed to be doing better at Allura's memorial"  
"But that's the thing, isn't it?! He's always been good at hiding how hurt he is..."  
"You think he's in trouble?"  
"No. Maybe. I don't know..."  
"We can take a trip..."  
"No! No... he wouldn't like that... This job of his is obviously important to him..."  
"You've grown Keith, yet when it comes to Lance, you revert back to that moody little teenager"  
Scowling at his brother, Keith glared  
"Like you don't when you're with Curtis"  
"I was never a "moody little teenager". Seriously, if you think Lance needs a hand, it's nothing to redirect the Atlas"  
"I'm pretty sure Earth would think it a big something if you stole the Atlas because I'm worried about Lance"  
"Ha! So you admit you're worried!"  
Shiro sounded so much like Coran that a shiver ran down Keith's spine. Had Coran been there, he would be demanding they head out to check on Lance, even if Lance protested it. Out of everyone in the team, it'd always been clear that Lance was Coran's favourite after Allura  
"So what if I am! He wasn't acting like himself and the place he's living in..."  
Keith cut himself off. He'd said too much  
"Is like what? Where's he living?"  
Shaking his head, Keith sighed  
"I don't even know where to begin. Krolia's been forced to have Kolivan reassess the mission because I can't get my shit together"  
"Keith, literally no one in the whole universe can make Krolia do anything. She's a force to be reckoned with"  
"She's covering up the fact that I can't think of anything but him"  
Groaning, Keith's hands went to his hair  
"Why does he do this to me? I was fine. Maybe not perfect, but I could go on a simple mission perfectly fine. Now I'm lying to my mother, throwing off a mission when we have a missing Blade member, who should be my priority, because Lance is in my head"  
Whisper yelling at Shiro was now the highlight of this saga, and why the quiznak was he getting teary  
"Was... he that bad?"  
"I felt like I didn't even know him. We neglected him. I know life happens. I know we're all going our separate ways, but... Don't you miss it? Fighting as a team, bringing down the Galra and helping people? Feeling like you're part of something incredible. When Lance said he wanted to remain on Earth forever, I thought maybe one day... he'd be ready and we'd all be there for him. But he's been living off Earth, on Erathus, doing god knows what on his own"  
"I thought you liked doing humanitarian aid work through the Blade?"  
"I do. It's just..."  
It wasn't the same. Axca, Zethrid, and Ezor weren't Hunk, Lance, and Pidge  
"You miss Lance"  
"Yeah. I know we fought, but he always had my back. He was the first to jump into battle, and the first to call me out on my shit. He..."  
"He is your best friend. It's ok to miss him"  
"He didn't even realise I had a crush on him. Then Allura broke his heart like that... So many times I've wished I'd told him how I felt. That he wasn't a second choice. That despite his irritating flirting and horrendous jokes, he was his best self when he wasn't pretending"  
Keith's cheeks were dusted pink with embarrassment. He'd known Shiro would pull his "Space Dad" magic tricks and draw all of this out of him  
"What's stopping you now?"  
"Haven't you been listening? We all abandoned him. He would never have done that to us"  
"He's been busy with his job"  
Keith was sick of it. Lance didn't spend every moment of every single quintant working, and he'd seen those damn messages  
"When is the last time you messaged him? Just to catch up?"  
"We have our team calls..."  
"And we're all on that chat. It's not us taking the time to actually ask him personally how he is, or what he's up to. I'm as guilty as everyone else. No wonder nobody bothered to tell me he was off-world"

Slumping back in his seat, Kosmo licked at his hand. Closing his eyes, Keith felt like yelling at the universe for all of this  
"I'll message him tonight"  
"You can't"  
"Why not?"  
"Because the moment he hears I'm here, he's going to think I'm forcing you to make an effort"  
"Ah..."  
"Pretty much. I wonder if mum's found out anything about Guile"  
"Your missing Blade member, right? Why don't we go through everything again? Those test results will probably take a few more vargas, so we have time to figure things out"  
"There's nothing to figure out. It's like he dropped off the face of the... quadrant"  
"And space is infinite. If he really wanted to hide, it isn't hard to disappear entirely"  
"Kolivan doesn't seem to think that's the case. There have been ships attacked and other people have gone missing in the same area"  
"It might distract you from Lance long enough for you to work out what to do next..."  
Keith wasn't past saying no to a distraction  
"... besides, patience yields focus"  
Groaning at his brother's trademark saying, Keith found himself nodding. There was no good panicking further until the results came back and knew there was nothing wrong with Lance.

*  
Hearing he was onboard Curtis welcomed him happily, his arm sliding around Shiro's waist as Shiro blushed much as Keith had before. Opening his mouth to comment, he was silenced by a glare. How was he supposed to welcome his new brother-in-law if he wasn't allowed to speak to him? Thankfully, Curtis suggested showing him to the quarters he'd be using while on the ship, which meant they could discuss the Atlas and not the fact Lance was still on his mind.

Separating from the pair at his room due to some kind of no-urgent emergency, if there was such a thing, Keith showered before throwing himself down on the bed, enjoying the fact they'd fitted the Atlas with descent mattresses. Maybe he should steal one? Or two if he could convince to join him working for the Blades rather than for the "police" on Erathus. Despite feeling like he'd betrayed Lance's trust, he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders by confining in Shiro. Shiro knew what to do far better than him, and he said wait, then he'd wait.

And wait he did. Passing out atop his bed, he was woken by his name being called over the Atlas's speaker system, ruining a particularly nice dream of him between Lance's long caramel legs. Forced into a cold shower to collect his thoughts and redirect his blood flow, he entered the dining hall 20 doboshes later to find he was the last of the group to arrive. Sitting on the end of the joined table was a holopad, Pidge waving happily as she noticed him, before starting to gush over the progress she'd made with Rover, bouncing ideas off Hunk as she did. Keith had honestly thought the pair of them would end up together given their closeness, yet Hunk seemed genuinely happy with Shay and that was the main thing. Sliding into the empty seat beside Shiro, a folder was placed in front of him  
"Hey! No work at my dining table!"  
Making to take the file, Keith snatched it up before Hunk could, skimming through the contents with his brow scrunched. The yellow vials were a highly advanced painkiller comparable to morphine. The red pills were filled with an unknown agent which at best guess seemed to be a kind of party drug designed to work all the way down to a person's quintessence. The blue pills were a mood stabiliser designed on some remote planet whose name he couldn't pronounce to help victims of war deaden their senses. There were traces of other drugs on the pills capsules, birth control and testosterone, which made absolutely no sense to Keith given the didn't see any other pills in the bathroom cabinet, nor did he see any reason for Lance to be self-medicating like he was. His heart was hammering in his chest over the fact Lance was doing drugs and shooting up alien morphine  
"I said no files at the table"  
Brushing Hunk off, he halfheartedly apologised with his full attention on Shiro  
"Sorry, Hunk. Shiro, have you guys come across any of these before?"  
"The first one, the pain killer. I've seen it used when we've transferred alien refugees"  
"And?"  
"And what?"  
"What's it like?"  
"It's hardly legal, but that was under Galra rule. It's supposedly being redistributed, but still costs a pretty GAC"  
That wasn't what he was asking  
"I mean, how does it work?"  
"It deadens pain receptors in the brain. It's only used on the most severe of cases, generally when other pain killers in the field have failed, or a limb is lost, burns victims, etc. It's also highly addictive with prolonged use, which was another reason it was banned. The Galra knew they could make more money selling it privately to select people. Once addicted, they'd seek them out for more. That's how Coran described it. I had no idea either until we first ran across it shortly before Allura's memorial"

Keith felt sick to his stomach. The banquet Hunk had prepared no longer looked appealing, it was all he could do to keep his lunch down. Did Lance know what he was taking was addictive? Did he care? Keith had been in more than his fair share of bad foster homes. Older kids popping pills to forget the pain of no one wanting to adopt them, it'd scared the shit out of him and ever since he'd avoided drugs like the plague  
"What's wrong? You've gone pale"  
What was wrong was that every molecule of his being wanted Kosmo to teleport him across the universe back to Lance's side and he was being forced to sit there, play calm, and act like the man he loved wasn't some kind of drug-addicted hit man  
"Sorry. Just thinking"  
Letting the file be tugged from his grip, Hunk sighed at him  
"That's enough about work. You're on vacation, so start acting like it"  
"You're right, Hunk. All of this looks amazing. Way better than purple food goo"  
Hunk pulled a face at him, looking as if he'd been highly insulted  
"You guys are still using goo?"  
Shrugging, Keith had no excuse. He simply followed orders from Kolivan, plus the Galra had been living on purple goo for thousands of years, it took time for change to set in  
"It lasts"  
"But what about real food? With spices and textures, and you know, the most important part known as flavour"  
"Hunk, if you can change Kolivan's mind, we'd all love you for it. But man, they've been living on it for thousands of years and he doesn't have a problem with it"  
Hunk scrunched his nose up  
"Can't you just ask Krolia to talk to him"  
"Yeah. No. No such luck. She's already tried"  
"Tough luck man. I'll pack you extra when you leave"  
"Thanks, Hunk"  
When he left he was going back to drag Lance's arse off Erathus, even if he had to do so by his hair. Lance was probably dying for some proper food too... provided he wasn't high out of his quiznakking mind. Sitting there eating dinner with everyone laughing and smiling wasn't right.

Picking at his meal, Keith listened on as everyone else grew progressively louder Shiro the only one to notice him drawing further and further from the conversation as the others grew more and more excited over the fact that Shiro had finally ballsed up and asked Curtis out  
"Lance is fine. He's a smart kid, and he's been on Erathus this long without incident"  
"How do you know I'm even thinking about him?"  
"Because we talked about this before. He's a good kid, who's grown into a good man. Whatever Guile got caught up in, I'm sure it has nothing to do with Lance"  
"And if it did?"  
Shiro frowned at him, Keith unable to meet his eyes  
"Then he knows he can ask us for help"  
No. Lance didn't. Whatever Lance was up to, Keith was certain that his friend thought the only option he had was to handle it alone  
"I think I'm going to call him later. Just to... to make sure"  
"Keith, the offer still stands. I don't mind calling Lance"  
That was the problem too. Shiro didn't "mind calling Lance". It hardly sounded like he wanted to actually call him, or at least to Keith's low mood that's how it came across. Pushing his chair back, he knew he was making a bit of a scene, but his anger couldn't take it. He needed to walk it off, or risk yelling at everyone for being such shit friends towards his future boyfriend... his best friend. Quiznak. Fuck this  
"Keith?"  
"Sorry, Hunk. I have to go make a call. I'll see you later"

The moment he was out of the dining room, Keith's fingers were tapping away on his communicator, praying that Lance wasn't going to make things even harder by brushing him off with his seemingly standard "work" response, but first, he needed to call his mother. If he was going to get Lance out of whatever he was in, he needed to know more about these drugs. About the drug trade in general, and if there was anything at all he could do to shut down these pieces of filth for good.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has had this casually chilling in my notes for the last 5 days. Far too tired to edit it tonight... but yay for tomorrow

Lance didn't answer his first call. He didn't answer Keith's second or third call. Keith's hands were hovering over the control of his ship, torn between vanishing from the Atlas which would lead to upsetting Shiro, and, his need to fly back across the universe to make sure Lance hadn't overdosed and wasn't dead in his bathroom. Kosmo was already pacing the small cockpit space, emanating enough nervous energy for the both of them. Krolia had told Keith to stay out of whatever drug deals were happening on Erathus as they didn't have the manpower to bring down what was sure to be a multi-sector criminal organisation. While she highly doubted Guile would have been swept in such an incident, the lack of leads was just what could be expected from the cartels. But above all was her concern for him, telling him she was reassigning the assignment and pissing him off royally by doing so. She was his mother, who seemed to think it perfectly fine to throw her own life away. There was no way he was giving up on Lance, even if it meant a few small lies he'd be forced to deal with at a later time. 

Taking a deep breath, Keith closed his eyes. Without a wormhole, it'd take at least a full quintant to reach Erathus, possibly a quintant and a half. Opening his eyes again, he pulled up Lance's name. If he didn't answer this time, he was leaving. He was going to find his pert Cuban arse and drag him home to Daibazaal. Tapping his name, one tick passed into two, then into three, before finally, Lance answered, his face popping up on the tiny screen of Keith's communicator  
"Keith?!"  
Looking from the screen to whatever was in front of him, Lance seemed to jolt sideways as he swore softly, yelling something then to someone else in the background  
"Lance?!"  
"Shit. Sorry man... Quiznak!"  
"Lance?! What's happening?! Are you ok?"  
"Sorry, Keith... yeah. Yeah, just... shit"  
Lance wasn't ok. His vague attempting at seeming reassuring wasn't working. He needed to get there, the bangs in the background now sounding suspiciously like explosions  
"Where are you?! Are you still on Erathus?! I can have Shiro..."  
"No! No. It's fine. We're fine..."  
"Lance, you're not fine. What's going on there?"  
"It's nothing... or rather, it'll soon be nothing"  
"Lance..."  
"Stop saying my name like that. We're fine. We don't need Shiro and his magical ship showing up and making things worse!"  
Frowning at Lance, Lance slumped back in his seat with a sigh  
"Sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I asked about your missing Galra agent, the police don't know anything"  
He couldn't give two quiznaks about Guile when Lance was obviously not ok  
"Lance. What's going on? Is something happening on Erathus? You keep saying it's work, but you look like shit"  
Blinking at him, Lance gave him a half-smile that sent Keith's stupid heart fluttering  
"That right there is why you're still single. Look. Things are happening here. My team's fine. Our mission just went a little sideways, but we're fine. I'm sorry I can't be more help with your agent"  
Looking away from the camera, Lance seemed to be begging him not to question him further  
"You know you can talk to me, don't you? All of us? Shiro and Curtis are dating now, it's only a matter of time before they get married... probably right here on the At..."  
Lance's eyes widened, shaking his head as he leaned forward in his chair, a light tapping in the background  
"Don't. It's fine. I'm sorry your agent's missing. But like I said, we're all fine here"  
Keith's communicator vibrated softly, an unknown com had sent him a message. Ignoring it, he looked to Lance who was giving him a strange look, looking from Keith down to the corner of the screen and back again  
"Keith. We're all fine. Now that you've got the message, I'm going to sign off"  
Emphasising message slightly, Keith remembered Lance had a secondary communicator. Opening the message, the first three words were "All calls recorded". Right. No wonder Lance didn't want to talk to him... forcing himself to ignore the rest of the message, he smiled the best he could, trying to appear normal  
"Yeah. Alright. It's your shout for drinks, right?"  
"Totally. I've got your back man. Good luck"  
"You too"  
Ending the call, Keith slumped back in his chair as he moved his arm up to read Lance's message  
"All calls recorded. Police said they don't know anything. Don't believe them. Don't bring the Atlas. Meet one movement. Don't tell V"  
The rest of the message was a set of coordinates. Punching them in, Keith was sure he'd never passed through that quadrant before, or even the sector the quadrant was located in. As for "V" it could only be Veronica. Lance was lying to Veronica and his family, but maybe she could give me some answers on just how Lance ended up on Erathus... with his own team?

Having Kosmo teleport him back into the main ship, Keith felt like he'd walked the entire length and every single damn deck before finding Veronica in the weights room Griffin and Kinkade. Kinkade he could handle, Griffin not to so much. It may have been a decade since their initial feud had begun, there may have been apologies issued on both sides, but Keith simply didn't wish to deal with Jame's know it all attitude. The man managed to rub him all the wrong ways, and still seemed to think Keith had stiffed him on some amazing adventure by being there when Blue had been discovered. It was tempting to walk away, but Veronica was right there...  
"Keith!"  
Fucking James. For a full moment, Keith stood there like a quiznakking idiot  
"Hey man. Uh, Veronica, can we talk?"  
If awkward could be personified into the very example of the word, it was Keith. His mouth part open as he waved stupidly, then wished he could take it all back. Pushing herself off the floor mats, Veronica saved him from making a future fool of himself. Taking him by the arm, she led him from the training room and back into the corridor. Pulling him to a stop, Veronica pushed him up against the wall, staring him straight in the eyes  
"Spill"  
"Wha..."  
"I know you've seen that idiot brother of mine. Now he says he's fine, but I've known him since he was born. He might think he's lying to all of us successfully, but we're not idiots. What's going on with him?"  
"I... what?"  
Fuck she was intimidating. He'd forgotten how fierce Veronica was. She looked far too much like Lance, and unintentionally he'd let his guard drop  
"Spill it. What's going on with Lance?"  
"I don't know?"  
"Keith. I don't know what happened between you and Lance, but you were the only one who could get through to him after Allura died. Please, tell me how my brother really is"  
Yeah. He took him out, got him drunk, then... yeah... on top of abandoning him for phoebs. Some amazing friend he was  
"I didn't even know he was back in space"  
Veronica frowned at him, before letting out a sigh and pinching the bridge of her nose. She'd been spending far too much time with Shiro  
"I didn't know about it either at first. Our mother called me up the day before Lance left Earth to let me know. Apparently, he had a fight with Rachel... None of us have really been there for him. Our parents were just happy to have him back home... She really messed him up"  
"Lance loved her from day one. Yet it wasn't until after Lotor that she finally gave him the time of day... He was so happy to finally have her, only for her to throw her life away right in front of him"  
"Wow, Keith. Tell me what you really think? Lance made it sound like you were all one big family"  
"We both know it was far from that. Lance was the one who kept everyone together, even after I left, he continued to try his hardest"  
"That's because he's an idiot. That's why I need to know how he is. He's always more concerned with everyone else's feelings, yet he wears his heart on his sleeve like the idiot he is"  
Veronica was lucky he could hear the fondness in her voice, as he certainly didn't appreciate Lance being called an "idiot" repeatedly  
"He missed you the most. Out of everyone, you were the only one he actually said he missed. I guess I was hoping you knew what was going on with him. That he'd chosen to finally let someone in. Heavens knows we all tried..."  
"Look, Veronica. I don't know what's going on with him. He said he's fine. He seems to be enjoying his job, and we're planning on catching up soon. Now that I know he's in space, I can look out for him"  
God. Please let Veronica believe his lies... It wasn't like he was lying to be vindictive, he simply needed more information. Lance had lasted this long on his own, he only needed to last one more movement with his team. Then Keith would be there... just one more movement then he'd be taking Lance away from whatever he was trapped in. Letting out a breath, Veronica smiled at him  
"Thanks, Keith. I have no real idea what he's been through before Allura, but he's still my baby brother. I still love the lanky idiot to death"  
"Whatever's going on, I'll talk to him when I see him"  
"I've been thinking about requesting some downtime, heading to Erathus to check things out myself, but every time I tell Lance, he tells me not to come"  
"His apartment is pretty nice..."  
Nice sounded strained but Veronica didn't seem to pick up on it  
"Is it clean? He can be such a slob"  
Lance was hardly ever a slob when they lived on the castle. His self-care routine was in a whole other universe  
"From what I saw. He's got friends too"  
And customers that ended up drugged before being dragged out by the police... who weren't to be trusted  
"Yeah? I mean, he said he had a team, but I've never met them"  
"He had a friend over while I was there. He seemed pretty happy"  
"That's good... Thanks, Keith. I better go call my mother before she worries herself into an early grave. And sorry for the big sister act, he's the only idiot little brother I have"  
"He's not an idiot. He doesn't always think things through, but he's one of the smartest people I know"  
Snorting in a very Lance way, Veronica nodded quickly  
"You're right. It's hard to think of him as anything other than my little brother who was always so far behind at the Garrison. Sometimes it hard to remember he's grown into a man. If you hear from him again, let me know? I don't need to know everything, but I do need to know he's ok"  
"Yeah. I will"

Watching his future sister in law walk away, he supposed that wasn't the best way to cement his relationship with the woman. She was very likely to shoot him for each of his lies, than once more all over again because she felt like it. Honestly, he was feeling slightly more scared of Veronica than he was confronting Lance over his drug problems. Maybe he didn't even know what he was taking was as bad as it was? Maybe he simply thought them painkillers? Lance was trusting enough to believe a lie like that... but what could have hurt him so badly he needed daily doses?

*  
Keith was never a patient person. Sitting and waiting around for a movement to pass didn't agree with him. Not when Lance was back to ignoring his messages again, and not when he didn't know what Lance was up to. There were only so many hours he could pass working out without the castle's training system to keep him busy. It was by some small miracle that he managed to keep himself busy for the next three quintants before the lies and the weight of worry became too much for him. Shiro's constant pestering hadn't helped either. His adoptive brother repeatedly assuring him that both Lance and Guile were alright, and that he didn't need to stalk the Atlas with a perpetual scowl upon his face. So finally as the fourth quintant began, he found himself overloaded with baked goods from Hunk all of which were used to hide the stolen blankets, medical supplies and water rations he'd squirrelled away in case Lance was hurt. His dreams deciding that he needed to relive every conceivable way for him to be too late to save his crush. Setting course for the coordinates Lance had supplied, he hoped Lance wouldn't mind his being early. He also hoped that Shiro wouldn't pry any further into his crush on the fellow ex-paladin because honestly he knew he was at the stage where he needed a firm answer one way or the other. He knew he'd long since passed the stage where fantasy was simply fantasy, and that his recent behaviour hadn't exactly been within character. He'd skipped concerned friend, hit obsessed stalker and now was finding it hard to remember that Lance wasn't going to rush into his arms and admit his addiction like it was no big deal. Lance was probably going to go straight onto the defensive, throwing up all his walls and denying anything was wrong simply because he hated feeling like he was burdening anyone. It wasn't going to be a fun conversation, no matter how he approached it, leaving him praying that they could come through it and still at least be friends. He couldn't lose Lance from his life. Lance was his stability. He didn't need to look over his shoulder to know Lance had his back, no matter how crazy shit got. The kid he'd once thought a total flake was now the one person he longed to spend every single day doing flaky things with. He wanted a true and proper relationship with Lance, through all the bad shit as well as the good. He wanted to wake up every morning beside him. To sit by him when he wasn't having a good night. To talk about all the random crap Lance loved to talk about back when they were teenagers on the castle. He wanted all that pathetic loved up stuff that he'd gagged at in his youth. The loving home he'd had ripped away from him when his father had died. Shiro had been his family, but Lance was what had made Voltron his family and his home. He was doing the best he could based on Diabaazal, but it wasn't enough to fill the hollowness that the breaking apart of Voltron had caused. The lions leaving ripping every ounce of abandonment he'd ever felt right back up to the surface and leaving his whole world of kilter without the constant presence of Black in the corner of his mind.

With the course set, his navigation system informed him it'd take the better part of two quintants to reach his destination, even with Shiro opening a wormhole on the pretence that Keith was heading out to meet up with a Galra rebel group. It was kind of true. Lance had once been part of a rebellion against the Galra. But the burden of all the lies he'd told in the past few quintants was now at the point where he was feeling constantly jumpy and queasy. One lie leads to another, then another to cover the previous one in a chain that seemed to have no end. It was exhausting. He was exhausted, even with the feeling that the worse was still yet to come before the truth could finally be revealed. It wasn't even his truth to reveal. Admitting to being a drug addict was something most people would shy away from, especially with a best friend like Hunk who'd be horrified that he'd missed all the signs. Lance would most probably wish to keep the secret to his grave rather than see his families faces when they found out. If that was what he wanted, Keith would have to find a way to make that happen. Withdrawal wasn't easy. He'd seen that too. The mood swings. The nausea and vomiting. Picking at the skin, even screaming for help when nothing could be done. It wasn't something he was anxious to see again, but he wasn't going to walk away. It was them all walking away which had probably caused this all along. How he wished he could go back in time and do everything over. Tell Lance he loved him. Begged him not to go on that date with Allura. Watched the sunset with him, then gone to dinner in her place. All of it pointless dreams now.

Two quintants was more than enough time for him to chew his nails down to stumps as the same thoughts played on repeat. Going stir crazy, they'd stopped on a small planet overnight where Kosmo had gone crazy for the planets variant of a firefly. His poor wolf coming out of the battle with a swollen nose and new phobia of glowing flying bugs. He knew he really shouldn't have laughed, but when Kosmo looked up at him with his swollen mouth and nose, looking completely dopey and miserable, he couldn't help but laugh over how adorable his mutt was. Lance already loved Kosmo, but maybe he'd want to get another dog? Or a wolf? He was definitely an animal person so they'd probably end up with a whole farm full. Maybe Kalternecker had had a calf by now? They could rear her offspring... Or maybe he was completely wrong and Lance would want to adopt a dozen kittens. He'd seemed to get a kick out the fur and ears of the Galra... Keith was pained to admit that head rubs did feel especially good, but that might just have been thanks to years of being touch starved when it came to affection... or it might be from his heightened senses that had only grown more acute as he'd aged. It was yet another question that set its self up to fester during the flight.

All of that failed to matter as the planet that Lance had designated their rendezvous point came into view. It was surprisingly uninhabited according to the ship's scanners, with the only thing being picked up being another ship of a similar size to his own. Locking onto the coordinates, his heart was racing with a sickening kind of exhilaration. He couldn't wait to see Lance. He couldn't wait to see him whole and in one piece. But the conversation they needed to have... that's what dropped his heart and stomach down somewhere into his boots. Guiding his ship down through the atmosphere and thick clouds, he wasn't prepared for the sight waiting for him.

Black smoke rose from the impact site, debris-strewn along the sides of the long trench dug by the crashes ship. Its body twisted and mangled as if chewed by some kind of giant animal then spat free in time to crash. Landing his ship with shaking hands, Keith didn't wait to scream at Kosmo to get them down there, lucky that air was breathable as his wolf teleported him down beside the wreck. Stumbling and cutting himself on the molten glass that had formed from the ship crashing, the sound of his racing heart was deafening. Up close to the ship he could see various blast sites, the crumpling not so bad up close but bad enough that he couldn't remember how to calm down. With the cockpit buried, he threw himself down to scrape armfuls of sand away until finally, the glass became visible. If he'd known what kind of condition Lance was in, he could have sent Kosmo straight in to get him, but that led to Kosmo teleporting him out and for all he knew Lance could impaled, suffering from neck or spine damage, or even worse... which he didn't want to think about. He hadn't even considered the fact that there could be anyone but Lance in the ship. His cold Blade training was gone, leaving behind a youth shitting himself in fear that he'd lost Lance forever as he sincerely regretted every lie he'd told. If the powers who be would just spare Lance, he'd do anything. He'd work every single day for the rest of his life on every horrible mission in existence if it meant hearing Lance's voice again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I tell myself I need to edit this. Once again I'm cursing winter and don't want to venture over to my computer where it's cold...

It took vargas to scrape away enough sand to see into the cockpit properly. Lance's form slumped over the controls as Keith smashed through the cracked glass with the handle of his luxite blade. The overpowering stench of blood momentarily bringing tears to his eyes until he realised that there was blood all over the cockpit and in places that couldn't possibly have come from Lance during the crash. In the state he was, he didn't consider the fact it could have been Lance's blood from prior to crashing. All he cared about was the rise and fall of Lance's chest, and the throbbing of a steady pulse beneath his fingers as he gently took Lance's hand into his to check his wrist.

Finding a pulse, Keith moved on to check for major injuries. There was a nasty gash hidden in Lance's hairline, various small cuts and bruises from the crash, and a long painful-looking tear along his upper left leg where it'd been partially pinned by the crumpled dash on the ship. Without the proper tools, Keith couldn't hope to lift the dash enough to free Lance, forcing him to make the call to have Kosmo teleport them over to Keith's ship without being able to assess Lance's right leg. Sending Kosmo back to find anything Lance had had on his ship with him, Keith carried his unconscious friend to his bed, laying Lance down with the utmost care, having moved him had caused his wounds to open again, sending fresh blood seeping through Lance's thin clothes. For a man who knew the value of a good suit in battle, his current clothing left much to be desired. Teleporting back, Kosmo had a backpack in his mouth as he wagged his tail enthusiastically  
"Put that down, you don't know what's in it"  
Keith had a pretty good idea of what would be inside. If it was the only thing Lance had brought with him, it'd have to have the drugs in it. Drugs and most probably clothes. It was almost as sickening as seeing Lance so bloodied and broken. His friend had lost weight, deep bags hanging under his eyes leaving him looking sickly and gaunt. This wasn't the Lance that had been at Allura's Memorial Day. This wasn't the Lance that lived for his daily skincare regime, or insisted he needed his beauty sleep. This was his best friend against the universe, forced to do whatever it took to survive without them there to provide back up and support.

Cutting Lance's shirt off, things only got worse. Scars he couldn't remember seeing before, that had long since started to fade, littered Lance's chest and arms. A long bruise ran along the bottom of his stomach where he'd hit the dash. Nothing felt overly swollen, though he was certain Lance wouldn't be fighting any intergalactic battles any time soon without major discomfort.  
Realising he'd been staring far too long at his crushes soft caramel skin, Keith's face burned bright red as he ripped his hand away from Lance's stomach. Lance was seriously injured and there he was, eyeing him off as if he'd never seen him half-naked before. He needed to clean the wounds then stitch them... followed by giving some serious thought to what he was going to say Lance woke.

*  
Falling asleep bent over the side of his bed, Keith was woken by a scream. The sheets beneath him torn away by a flailing of limbs that nearly hit him in the face as he rushed to soothe Lance. The last thing needed to be was so active. The gash on Lance's thigh was ugly, but the swelling of Lance's right ankle was far more concerning. The area was warm to the touch, so swollen that he'd had to cut Lance's boot off because there was no other way to get it off. Feeling as if he was only adding to Lance's drug addiction, Keith had sedated him with an injection of his own. The pain killer only as strong as panadol, probably not even putting a dent in Lance's pain, but at least it didn't affect his friend's quintessence. Screaming at him to let him go, Lance fought hard against Keith's hands on his shoulders, his screams growing louder as he grew more agitated. Keith had had his own share of screaming nightmares in the past. The disorientation of waking while his mind was still trapped in his dreams. Releasing Lance's shoulders as his blunt fingernails cut into Keith's arms, Lance tried to scramble back from him, Keith catching a moments break before Lance broke down sobbing, quietly repeating "no... por favor no mas... por favor... por favor no me toques...", as he curled into himself. Keith had no idea what he meant. He'd barely gotten the handle of Galra, and that was because his mother insisted upon it. The "no" part was pretty obvious... but that was where it ended.

Unable to let Lance continue crying, Keith sank down on the edge of his bed, placing his hand on Lance's leg. The moment he did Lance's breath hitched, Keith knocked backwards off the bed as Lance launched himself on to him with a growl. It wasn't until Lance was straddling his lap with his fist raised that he finally came back to himself. Red-rimmed blue eyes blinking away the tears with a look that broke Keith's heart. Lance looked lost. Just staring into his eyes was throwing Keith's world into enough confusion that he felt as if he kept staring he'd be swept away in Lance's pain  
"K-Keith?"  
"The one and only?"  
Climbing off him less than gracefully Lance groaned as he clutched at his stomach. Keith waiting for a few ticks before drawing himself to sit. He knew he needed to say something, but where to begin?  
"F... sorry, man. Nightmares... are shit"  
With a strained smile, Lance stared down at where his hands held his stomach  
"I feel like a building fell on me. What happened?"  
"You don't remember? We arranged to meet..."  
"It's already been a movement? Fuck..."  
Moving a hand from his stomach to his head, Lance grimaced  
"You should lay back down, you probably have a concussion and while I don't think you broke a rib, you've probably bruised them. You busted yourself up when you crashed your ship. Should I...?"  
Lance waved him off, flopping sideways like a fish with a whimper. Ignoring his friends wishes Keith gathered himself up off the floor, before moving to cover Lance with his blankets again. Bundled up, his love interest looked adorable as he nuzzled into the pillow beneath his head  
"That... that makes sense... am I in shorts? God. Buy a guy dinner first"  
Keith struggled not to stutter. Lance's shorts were a tad too short, but stripping Lance to his underwear was asking for trouble. Given how he'd woken, he had the feeling Lance would have melted down further if he'd found himself just in his underwear  
"I had to cut your pants down. The dash... was... uh... crumpled"  
"Ah... That explains the pain... I think you're right about that concussion. My head hurts worse than when I went drink for drink with Coran... never go drinking with Coran"  
When did Lance have time to go drinking with Coran? And why? Over the loss of Allura?  
"I'll try to keep that in mind. How do you feel?"  
He asked without thinking, grasping at straws for how to continue the conversation when Lance was still suffering the after-effects of his nightmare  
"Like quiznakked hit me, drove over me, then chucked it in reverse, but I know that's not what you want to ask. You want to know about my nightmare"  
Yes. God yes. It was like some switch had been flicked inside Lance. His tears turned to rage so suddenly, then dropped in the next instant  
"Not if you don't want to tell me about it"  
Groaning as he wriggled down on the thin mattress, Lance pulled the blankets up to his chin  
"Good. Thanks for the hand man, but I think I need to nap this off. Did you find my communicator? I need to contact my team"  
A nap. A nap?! Lance was lucky Keith had been early and now he wanted to nap?! The half-Galra swore he could feel his hair turning grey. And his team...  
"It wasn't on you when Kosmo teleported you out. If it's on your ship, it's probably shot to hell"  
Swearing softly, Lance started struggling back up. Placing his hand on his shoulder to push him back down, Lance flinched back at the contact. Keith swore he could smell something like rotten fruit the moment his hand met Lance's warm skin, but when he sniffed the air again all he could smell was something like the spray of seawater "I need to call my team. They'll... worry"  
"You're not going anywhere like this. You need your rest"  
"I need to..."  
"Lance. I didn't see your communicator. I can go take a look in the wreck, but only if you promise to stay here and rest"  
"You'll look, right? And my backpack?"  
"Your backpacks here..."  
Lance looked ready to shoot out of bed to retrieve his back, only settling back when Keith continued  
"... I forgot I dragged it out. I haven't looked in it"  
"Good... and you're going to look right for my communicator right? My team will worry"  
The concussion was probably leaving Lance muddled  
"Yes. Now rest. Kosmo will stay with you"  
"I don't need a baby sitter"  
Having peaked in Lance's backpack, Lance definitely needed a babysitter. Clothes and drugs. More pills than the original two types he'd seen in his friend's bathroom, as well as a mostly full box of those yellow vials. All of which he'd wanted to throw back into the wreck of Lance's ship before blowing it up  
"Don't think of him as a babysitter. He was excited when I told him we were flying out to meet you"  
"For all his excitement, I don't see him here"

Teleporting himself in like he knew he was being talked about Kosmo jumped up on the thin cot where he started licking at Lance's face, Lance screeching from the sudden attack  
"God! Dog breath! What is he feeding you?!"  
Kosmo's whole body was wiggling with excitement. Dropping his full weight down on Lance, Lance was completely pinned, all traces of the deep sadness gone from his blue eyes as he looked to Keith. It wasn't like Keith was jealous, but Lance seemed a billion times happier to see Kosmo than he had him  
"Keith... help?"  
"Nope. You wanted affection and here he is. Kosmo, make sure Lance stays in bed. He needs to rest"  
Whining, Kosmo then yipped in agreement  
"Good boy. I'll be back soon. Make sure he doesn't get up to too much trouble"  
Craning his head up to look past Kosmo's paw as Keith moved towards the bedroom door, Lance scowled at him  
"Who? Me or the wolf?"  
"If you have to ask, then you know the answer"  
"Rude. You're lucky I'm too injured to kick your arse, Mullet"  
If Lance was well enough to joke tiredly, he should be fine under Kosmo's care while Keith went to find this stupid communicator. The black one he'd seen him using to contact the police? wasn't in the wreck from what he could see, which meant he actually had to make the effort to climb back into the crushed ship and pray it wouldn't explode, despite his anger over not being able to see the bigger picture here. Lance was lucky he was injured, as Keith drew the line at threatening injured friends.

*  
Finding Lance's communicator was a pain. The small device had slipped under the mangled dash leaving him to attempt to fish it out with his blade while the cold wind of the strange planet was on seemed to seep into his very being. His breaths falling in condensed puffs as he hurried back to his own ship to escape the sub-zero temperatures. Who the hell sets up a meeting on a planet where it was this damn cold?

Stumbling into his ship, Lance wasn't where he'd left him. Sitting in the cockpit, Lance was talking to Kosmo as he dragged files across the screen of Keith's navigator system. Now dressed in a shirt and a pair of jeans, it was like the Cuban idiot didn't know outside was freezing  
"I thought I left you resting"  
Jumping visibly, Lance shot up. A hand going to his hip despite the lack of weaponry there  
"Keith! Don't sneak up on a man like that! I could have shot you!"  
Rolling his eyes at him, Keith tossed the small black communicator to Lance who clumsily caught it  
"I'm terrified. What are you going awake and out of bed?"  
"I couldn't sleep... I felt bad about sending you out to find my communicator"  
"You're too much. You've only just woken up and now I find you at the control of my ship. What's going on with you?"  
"I'm fine. I was resting until you decided you needed to give me a heart attack"  
God. He was frustrating. Lance's pupils were blown so wide his eyes were practically black  
"Are you high right now?"  
Huffing at him, Lance sank back down without so much as a grimace, his fingers back to tapping away at whatever he was up to  
"I was disabling your tracking system. You've already landed me in enough trouble as it is. The last thing we need is more trouble raining down on us while you're flying this tin can"  
"Lance"  
"I mean, what kind of idiot hacks a security system installed by police. Did Pidge know you were using her program?"  
"Lance"  
"First you show up. Then you hack the clubs security. Then you break into our rooms. Seriously...."  
"Lance"  
"Now I'm stuck on this planet with my ship pulp. Keith. When I told you you need to show your dates a good time..."  
"Lance!"  
Stopping his rambling, Lance looked up at him  
"What?"  
"I have no idea what you're talking about, but all of this can wait. What happened to you?"  
Blinking at him Lance leaned back in the pilot chair, crossing his arms as he did  
"That's a long story no one wants to hear. Basically, you got me in trouble with my bosses and I needed to get Erathus off for a bit. They're the kind of people you don't want pissed and on your trail. Hence why I disabled your ship's tracker"  
"I got you in trouble?"  
"Yep. Don't worry it wasn't just you. Erathus was starting to feel a bit too small. Now that I have my communicator I can contact my team"  
"You have a team?"  
"Yes, Keith. I have a team"  
Replying sarcastically, Lance was doing his head in  
"How am I supposed to know that?"  
"Because I told you?"  
"You told me? You haven't told me anything! You didn't even tell me you were in space. Now you're what? Running around the universe doing what? Shooting people? Getting into fights with who? Your ship was wrecked, and you crashed. You could have died in the crash! You're lucky I came earlier than we arranged!"  
"Damn, Keith. Calm down, man. Stress isn't good for you"  
Calm down?! How could calm down? Lance seemed like he couldn't care less for the situation they were in  
"Stress isn't good for me!? I didn't have this stress until you came back into my life!"

Looking like a kicked puppy, Lance slowly rose from the pilot's chair  
"You're right. I'm sorry man. I never should have let you been dragged into this. I stupidly let myself think it could be like old times, but those times are gone. My team should be here within the next quintant or so. So I'll stay out your way until then"  
Ah quiznak. He'd let his anger flare, then pushed too hard. Why couldn't he say the right thing? Lance was right there. The man he'd stalked the fuck out of because he cared, was now walking back towards the bedroom area looking thoroughly dejected  
"Lance, wait. It's not that... I mean... I wanted that too. Us. You know. Against the universe"  
Lance had once called him the "future", now he felt like his future self was just as much as an arse as his previous self. He'd chosen Lance because he wanted Lance to return to Earth and be free. He wanted Lance to be happy... yet had been too embarrassed to say anything like that when it'd really mattered  
"Don't worry about it, man. It's fine. I'll go call my team"  
"You don't have to do that. You called me out here for a reason, can't we put all this aside? Why did you call me out here? I've never even heard of this planet..."  
Pausing in the doorway Lance sighed, not looking at him as he fiddled with the door frame  
"Oh... right. I think I know where your missing agent ended up. I was going to bring you with me, but now I'm thinking it's safer if you just wait here. My team can handle it"  
"You know where Guile is?"  
"Maybe. You can't get in without the right clearance, even if you are Daibazaal's favourite prince. I'm sorry. But like you said... you weren't the only one hoping that things could be how they used to be"  
Leaving him standing there Keith didn't know what to do. He was still frozen from his trip outside the ship, but that was nothing compared to the icy atmosphere that was left in Lance's wake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo. I updated the tags. Basically we'll be getting all of Lance's backstory from leaving Earth and why, from his point of view in a few more chapters...
> 
> In my head the Telula is a junker ship. She was originally a mine haulage ship, before being turned into a floating armory by space pirates.

The Telula Day was not what Keith expected. Lance had been out cold when the massive ship suddenly appeared, seemingly shaking the Earth around them and sending Keith into panic mode as he had no idea that they weren't hostile due to Lance being conveniently unconscious when he needed him. Needless to say, his first impressions of Lance's new team wasn't exactly great. They thought he'd caused the damage to Lance's ship, while Keith thought they'd down the same and come to finish the job. Kosmo proved himself smarter than all of them, as they continued to bicker over how they were both there for Lance's sake while not listening to each other, by teleporting outside the door of Keith's ship with a barely conscious Lance leaning against him. Waving at his team, the strangers joyously cried out for "Leandro", leaving Keith to be pushed to the background. He'd barely done anything other than save Lance's life, then cared for him while he'd been come down sick with fever that morning... no big deal or anything at all. Lance, who couldn't even be bothered to cooperate when Keith had wiped his sweat-soaked body down, was acting like he hadn't thrown his guts up and spent most of the day rambling to himself in broken Spanish.

Having left his crush to cool down the previous night, after the small incident in the cockpit of his ship, Keith changed his tactics, pulling out an assortment of rations Hunk had bestowed upon him. Lance was ending his call to his team, plastering a smile on his face as he apologised for his moodiness. The conversation following had been awkward and slow, Lance not his usual self as barely three words came out at a time before all chance of actually talking was interrupted by Krolia demanding to know why his tracker signal had suddenly gone offline. Explaining it was his mother, Lance had waved him out the room to continue the conversation in private. Not that it was a real conversation. It was his mother insisting on knowing how his tracking system could suddenly go offline and not buying his lie that he'd been distracted by an over-enthusiastic Kosmo. Swearing black and blue that he was perfectly fine, not in trouble, and not courting danger in any form, half a vargas had still passed by the time he was finally freed from the call. Lance had drifted off by the time he got off the call, not surprising given he was probably coming down off his painkiller induced high. Clearing away Lance's barely picked at meal, Keith went about pulling up the blankets, shifting Lance into a more comfortable position as he did. The way Lance mumbled in his sleep as he sought his hand felt oddly domestic in a way that made him smile. Things might be shaky between them. Lance might be hiding a hundred and one things, but when he slept he looked so peaceful that none of that seemed to matter anymore. Furthermore, he'd reached for him. He couldn't leave him when he was being that vulnerable. Throwing caution to the wind, and leaving Kosmo to finish Lance's dinner, Keith slid under the covers with Lance. Pulling the gorgeous Cuban closer, he rested Lance's head on his chest. Knowing he was flirting with fire, Keith couldn't help himself as he breathed in Lance's soft sea salt scent, face buried in his short chocolate locks as his own body relaxed beneath the comforting weight. It wasn't like they'd never shared a bed before, yet this felt different. Lance curled into him, hand clutching Keith's loosely as he mumbled softly. That was the Lance he knew. Lance who didn't know how to shut up. Mumbling slightly louder in his sleep, Keith's heart broke a little more as his ears caught what he wasn't supposed to hear  
"I'll be good. No more... I'll be good...". Whatever had happened to Lance they'd get through together. Provided Lance finally let him in. Maybe when his "team" arrived, Lance would be willing to talk more, or come morning they'd be so close that Lance wouldn't be able to run from him anymore.

The following morning was a tangle of limbs and flurry of action as Lance half vaulted over him before throwing up spectacularly over the bedroom floor as he tripped on his own feet. The sound of Lance's knees smacking against the ship floor was loud enough for Keith to cringe. Climbing from the bed up at a much lower speed, Keith caught Lance as he slumped sideways his whole body burning in the half-Galra's hold. Groaning in pain, Lance's blue eyes fluttered open as his Altean marks pulsed for in and out of view. For some reason, the smell of juniper berries seemed to swirl around them as their eyes met  
"Another bonding moment?"  
Keith nodded forcing a slight smile for Lance's sake as his palm went to sweaty forehead. Vomiting and fever could both be signs of internal bleeding or an infection... but Lance seemed too far out of it for Keith to ask how pained he was or where. He'd cleaned and dressed all of Lance's wounds that he could see... but with no way of knowing how long Lance had been trapped infection could have set in before he got to his friend  
"I thought you didn't remember the first one?"  
Slurring his words, Lance shot him an opened mouth grin of sorts  
"I don't... and I don't think I'm going to remember this one either... I think I'm sick"  
Stroking Lance's hair back from his forehead, Lance sighed into his touch as he sought out the coolness of Keith's large hand  
"Yeah buddy, I think you might be too. You've got a pretty bad fever here, and your marks are showing"  
With a trembling hand, Lance moved to trace his mark on the left side, his already ragged breathing turning into a soft sob  
"Don't... don't look... don't look at them"  
"Why not?"  
"A-Allura..."  
Allura? Did he think Keith was Allura? Or did Lance not want him to think of Allura when he saw his marks?  
"She's not here. It's you, me, Kosmo. How about we get you back into bed?"  
"... don't look at me... Don't... wrong... I'm wrong... Allura... Allura... don't... touch me..."  
Slurring out the end of his rambling, Lance turned to mumbling random words that made no sense. Too far out of it to take care of himself, Keith tilted him up to wipe a thin trail of drooly vomit from his chin before pressing a kiss to Lance's forehead. Everything Lance did was far too extreme for his heart to keep up, yet he wouldn't have him any other way. Lifting his friend from the floor, he laid him back down on the bed pausing to watch those stupid flickering blue marks. The interval of the pulsing of Lance's marks slowly growing slower until they remained upon his cheeks. It was like a constant reminder that Lance had loved and lost. Those stupid marks were nothing but a cruel burden she'd saddled Lance with for life.

*  
When Lance had said he had a team, Keith had thought maybe two people... three on the very outer, and a ship the size of the Black lion. He was very much wrong on all accounts. The Telula Day was easily the size of Voltron when formed, probably twice over when width was included, and it seemed to be Lance's pride and joy once everyone had settled down enough to make it inside the larger ship. Teleporting Lance to his side, the former Red Paladin's team seemed shocked as Keith lifted Lance into his hold. Keith not really thinking anything of it until after Lance was laying in the Telula Day's med bay with a drip in his arm. Each of Lance's team members had seemed ready to rush to the man to hug him at their reunion, yet none of them had moved to touch him. Like it was some kind of unwritten rule. Even the alien woman who'd inserted the drip into Lance's arm had done the absolute bare minimum when it came to touching. She seemed genuinely confused, and maybe a little hurt, that Lance had reached for Keith's hand after he'd laid him on the examination table, despite not being conscious. Keith still holding his hand as a warm yellow light bathed his unconscious friend while said woman looked on. It may have only been doboshes, but it didn't make it feel any less than an eternity as he prayed to whoever was out there that Lance would wake up soon.

The few extremely long moments of peace between the four them, Kosmo included, was shattered by a man rushing into the medbay, his eyes widening at the sight of Keith holding Lance's hand as he stumbled to a stop  
"Who the Quiznak is this?!"  
Despite the question being directed at Keith, Keith ignored it for the time being. His mind recalling that it was the same strange alien who'd been at Lance's side after he'd sedated the two Galra and had them removed from his room on Erathus  
"This is Keith. The former Black Paladin of Voltron"  
So she knew who he was. And the stranger should too given they'd briefly met... but was anyone going to clue him in?  
"I know that. I mean, what is he doing, Daehra?"

The woman must be named Daehra, as she sighed at the man like she was far too familiar with his shit. His tone alone was enough to set Keith on edge to the point he felt the weird sensation to bare his teeth as he growled softly  
"Leandro reached for his hand. He was the one who carried him into the ship when he collapsed"  
"For all we know, he's the reason Leandro was hurt"  
"Lucteal. Leandro contacted us. He told us to rendezvous with him here. It was you who perceived Keith's ship as a threat and caused that scene. Think of how Leandro will feel knowing what nearly happened"  
Lucteal could Quiznak the hell off. Keith wasn't sure why, but he was certain that the stranger was far too close to Lance for his heart's liking. And there was that name "Leandro" again. Now that this whole team dynamic was in the picture, Keith could only assume it was his code name... but why did Lance need a code name? All their faces had been splashed across the universe. Everyone knew them by name... So having a code name for Lance seemed kind of... pointless?  
"I was thinking of him. You know as well as I that he doesn't care for physical contact. Yet he sits there holding his hand!"  
"Lucteal, it was Leandro's choice. Please. They're old friends from long before we met him"

"You both realise I am right here?"  
Jealousy drove the words from Keith's mouth as Lucteal moved to the other side of the examination table. The stranger's hand hovering as if he wished to take Lance's other hand in his, before awkwardly moving to rest on the thin blanket beneath Lance instead  
"I am sorry former Black Paladin. And I am sorry you were met with hostility. I don't know whether or not you know but there have recently been incidents that have lead to... unfavourable conditions for the team. As such, we are operating on heightened security. For Leandro to first leave Erathus, then to have been in a crash is an issue that troubles all of us. I am Daehra, this is my brother Lucteal. He is the closest to Leandro and cares very deeply for him. All those upon the Telula care deeply for Leandro. He brought us all together, and now leads our team"  
It wasn't surprising for Lance to be in a leadership role. Before Allura had died, Lance had seemed to shed his past worries of worthlessness. Proving himself invaluable again and again. Looking back to Lance's flushed face, Keith squeezed his hand in silent support  
"We didn't have a chance to talk after the crash. Not about everything happening, or what led to it..."  
"You led to it. Your interference on Erathus meant he had to leave. He took the punishment for your actions and it nearly led to his death but you wouldn't care about such a thing would you? You would simply use him up and throw him away. I've heard about you Black Paladin. I've heard what you've done. I won't let you come here and force him back into a situation like..."  
"Lucteal! That's enough. He cared for Leandro after the crash..."  
"A crash that wouldn't have happened if he didn't decide he needed to hack the clubs security! What happened to Lance is on his shoulders!"  
"Leandro wouldn't like you using that name. You know that he likes to keep his work life and personal life separate"  
"Daehra! You know what they did to him! How can you..."

"Will you both stop fighting?"  
Groaning as he shielded his eyes from the light above the table, Lance brought the argument to an end before Keith could learn anything further. Ignoring the way Lucteal glared daggers at him, Keith rose to his feet in order to cover more of the light blinding Lance  
"Hey, Sleeping Beauty. It's about time you woke up"  
Giving a dopey smile, Keith's heart skipped a beat at Lance's genuine affection  
"You know me... gotta get my beauty sleep"  
Lucteal let out a huff as he crossed his arms, Keith smug in the knowledge he'd cut off whatever the man was mentally planning upon Lance's waking  
"I do. I remember quite a few late mornings because of it. How do you feel?"  
"Like I got hit by a lion"  
"Daehra here, has only just started her scans. Do you remember them landing?"  
"I remember yelling... and you yelling. There was a lot of yelling... Aunty Em"  
"Then you remember everything"  
Letting his hand drop away, Lance's eyes were glassy as they sought out Keith's  
"Great. Guys, this is Keith. Keith... these are the guys. Keith's a friend. Keith, these guys are friends..."  
"We did the introductions while you sleep. How do you feel?"  
"I'm fine. Daehra rivals Coran on weird medical knowledge. I bet she could even cure his slipperies"  
Coran with the slipperies was not something he ever wanted to experience again... once had just... no  
"That's good. You still need to rest. You could have internal bleeding"  
"Awww. You worried, Mullet?"  
"Yes"  
Lance's cheeks reddened slightly further with a blush meant only for him  
"You're making it all sappy. Aren't you supposed to play it cool?"  
"I seem to lose all my cool when it comes to you"  
Lance rolled his eyes at him. Quiznak. He'd missed all this...  
"Cough. Cough. Gay"  
"You know it"  
Groaning at him, Keith was enjoying riling Lance up. He definitely preferred Lance awake and confined to bed, when compared to continually attempting to do things while drifting in and out  
"God. Remind me why I'm doing you a favour again?"  
"Because Guile is missing? And you missed me?"  
"Maybe... Lucteal. We're headed to sector 15. We need to bypass 31 and 47. 19 is kind of dicey, but if we don't fire first we should be fine"  
Lucteal lit up as he leaned down to invade Keith's space. He was clearly smitten by Lance, leaving Keith wondering where the nearest airlock was. It wouldn't be that hard to make it look like an accident. No, he shouldn't make assumptions until it was confirmed  
"You were scheduled to pass through 19, instead you went and got yourself in a damn fight again in 22. You know you're not supposed to take on trade ships without support"  
"I didn't mean to. They recognised my pod from that job we did on Baihzyl. I'm lucky Keith was at the meet early"  
Ending his sentence with a cough, Lance spluttered hard enough to choke on his own spit  
"Sit him up"  
Keith didn't need Daehra to tell him what he already knew. Lance's wet coughs sent a shiver of fear down his spine in fear the infection could have spread to his lungs. Lance waved both he and Lucteal off as he pushed himself up  
"He has cracked ribs, but the scanner isn't picking up internal bleeding. Despite the impact taken across the lower abdomen. The infection is radiating from his left leg laceration. Severe spraining of the right ankle, no dislocation shown. The medication is stimulating..."  
"Daehra. I get it"  
Coughing out the words, Lance winced as he did. Keith tempted to smack him for being so stubborn over it all, and then smack him again for hiding his symptoms with his own personal drug supply  
"Good. You will be free to move once the drip line has finished. That means no sneaking out of my medway in the mean time"  
Laughing and coughing, Lance wound up groaning miserably as Daehra left her scanner to move to the end of the examination bed  
"It's medbay. You're gonna make Keith think I've been teaching you all the wrong words. Why don't you show him around? Or at least to somewhere he can shower and call his mother"  
"Leandro..."  
"I'm ok, Dae. Take Luc too. Also assign Keith to BBK on the board and scramble the comms. We can't sit here and we're not fit for a fight. The grav hooks should have connected with Keith's ship by now? If not see to it. My pod's wrecked. Have Zak burn it. Anything that survived was collected by Keith"  
Daehra didn't argue. Keith wanted too, but was torn. A tour of the ship might lead to an explanation of what was going on, but leaving a vulnerable Lance alone was fucking with everything that made him him. Especially when Lance was still coughing up a storm  
"I know that look. Leandro often wears the same one. No harm will come to him. Your wolf may stay if that will help ease your worries"  
"Daehra, we can't just show the prince of Daibazaal our ship. What's to stop him from..."  
"Lucteal, Leandro trusts him. We owe him a debt we can never hope to repay. So please, brother, let us listen to his wishes. Keith, would you please join us?"  
"Are you sure you're going to be ok?"  
Rolling his eyes at him, Lance seemed annoyed. Whatever Lance was up to was most definitely not a bodyguard or security guard kind of job... if anything, he was starting to sound more like some kind of space pirate which was almost laughable if he hadn't seen with his own eyes that Lance was a chronic drug user and most certainly not the friend he'd left on Earth  
"I'll be fine. I've survived this long without Voltron and Shiro swooping in to magically clean up my mess. Call Krolia and let her know you'll be out of contact for the next movement. We can't make or receive calls where we're going. Magnetic fields fuck with the comms"  
His mother wouldn't like it. She'd probably already called Shiro to enquire about his every move on the Atlas. He really wouldn't be surprised if Axca showed up with Ezor and Zethrid in tow to bring him back home right about now, or if they were placing the pieces of everything together on their own...  
"Alright. Thank you. Kosmo, you stay with Lance. You heard Daehra. No letting Lance boss you around because you love him too much"  
Kosmo looked insulted, though they both knew he was a giant push over. He was supposed to have supervised Lance back on their ship, yet Kosmo had let him do whatever he'd wanted because he'd missed Lance  
"It's for his own good. If he tries to leave, come get me"  
Ruffling between Kosmo's ears, his wolf yipped. The traitor was probably already forgetting everything Keith had said in favour for pats from Lance. The pair of them were loveable idiots that drove him crazy, yet he couldn't do without. The fact Lance had been hiding cracked ribs weighed heavily on Keith as he hesitantly followed Daehra from the med bay, Lucteal following after the pair then taking off immediately. Shaking her head at her brother's retreating figure, Daehra sighed softly  
"I'm sorry. He... takes time to trust. Our species is... a little different. We tend to smell, sense, and feel things people may wish we don't. That's tethered him to Leandro's side, and blinds him to his own foolishness. Let me officially welcome you to the "Telula Day". Leandro named her after we captured her in a skirmish out of sector 6. Normally no one would risk the asteroid belt there, but Leandro..."  
That sounded just like Lance. Lance "The Tailor" who could thread any needle... Quiznak... that took him back...  
"He isn't exactly "normal", but that's what makes him special"  
Daehra smiled prettily, her demeanour picking up as she seem d to realise he wasn't about to bite her head off for making a joke  
"Yes. But he brought us together. Here, I will show you to your quarters first. The only spare rooms we have are on the same floor as Leandro's. Normally they're used for storage as he likes his space... but you are his personal guest..."  
Pausing in his stride, Keith was starting to believe this was some kind of alternate reality. Lance didn't like being touched. He didn't like people around him or in his space. He wasn't acting like the loveable goof he was...  
"Can I ask you a question...?"  
"You want to know what's going on? Leandro has not explained anything to you, has he? Not about his job or what we do?"  
Scratching the back of his head, Keith wondered if mind reading was part of Daehra's racial skills  
"Exactly"  
"We will walk and talk. You see, Leandro came into our lives around 3 phoebs ago. The daughter of the ruling family of our home planet had been taken. Lucteal and I had devised a plan to retrieve her, but Leandro was already mid mission to free her and the others. He saved her by taking her place, allowing us to take her safety. We couldn't leave him. So when it was over, we took him from that place. Since then, we've followed him. He... cares far more than others than himself"  
And now there were more questions... That... sounded ominous  
"He took her place?"  
"That's not my story to tell. Leandro's job is tough, but necessary. He had been hurt so badly before, but he has never looked as happy as he does when he looks at you"  
Daehra had said she'd give him answers, Keith wasn't sure he had answers to anything. Lance has traded himself to save another princess? He was drugging himself up like crazy. Not wanting to be touched. Insisting on keeping his personal life personal... And was happy to see him? He'd been a horrible friend who'd neglected him  
"What is that he does?"  
"He's what you would call a Bounty Hunter? That's the term he used? Your language was hard to learn. We intercept supplies and appropriate them? I'm sorry. We don't generally explain our jobs. We have 3 Bounty Hunters, and try to facilitate all hunts from here. Leandro wished to bring everyone together to make missions easier, and to prevent us killing each other trying to take down the same bounty. Not everyone agreed, we... had a few close calls. With those he's black listed? You humans have so many words"

Keith was momentarily floored. Yes, the Atlas did what they could to keep the peace. Yes, the Blades did to... but there were always rules to this sort of thing. A facade they had to show the public. By being a "Bounty Hunter" Lance was walking a line neither faction could. He could help those smaller people who had worries that others would overstep, and it explained the drugging of both Galra in his room then handing them over to the police... It explained a lot of things... but not the most important thing of all, who'd hurt Lance? He wanted to smile out of pride over his friend's life choice to help those he could, yet wanted to scream blue murder and demand to know every moment of Lance being hurt in order to slaughter them. Taking a breath, he calmed himself back down. His rage wasn't with Daehra, but himself for not being by Lance's side for all of this. He should have made the time. He should have pushed harder. Made his feelings known... then maybe...

"I... didn't know"  
Daehra nodded, placing her hand on Keith's arm  
"That much was obvious. He will be fine. You aren't responsible for the infection forming. The wound care you applied to his scalp should result in minimal scarring. Once the drip has run clean he'll be back on his feet"  
"So soon?"  
"Leandro heals fast... Is that not common with your species?"  
Right. He didn't need to frown for her to know he mentally was, Daehra echoing the internal response on her face  
"No. Not usually. His injuries would keep him on very light-duty and bed rest for the next movement or so. Without the use of an Altean Healing Pod"  
"A movement? Leandro has never been down for a moment before..."  
Everyone needs rest. It was something that Lance had drummed into him... All of this was wrong...  
"No. There was once. He was down for his cycle, but we sorted that out with some fine-tuning. He knows he must take his medication and monitor his body carefully"  
"You drugged him?!"  
Keith's anger caused Daehra to reel back, her hands up as if surrendering  
"No! Not like that! Please. He asked for something to help remove his marks!"  
"His marks?"  
"Yes. You saw them, those blue marks. He hates those more than anything on his body. Maybe more than himself..."  
Lance had struggled with his marks at first, but he'd thought he'd made peace with them and what they meant  
"Did he say why?"  
"Only that it was a reminder he came back wrong and would never be the person he once was. Lucteal would know more. He's been there for him at his lows. He wouldn't be happy to know that I told you, but he's fighting something alone that none of us have been allowed to see. He really looks up to you. Your who he talks of most when asked over Voltron. You are really quite popular with some planets in our routes"  
"I am?"  
"Yes. The "Handsome Black Paladin""  
"Are you sure they don't mean Shiro?"  
"Shiro? Oh. Your white-haired commander. No. Not him. Leandro designated him "Silver Fox", though I don't know what that means"  
Keith let out an overly loud snort. Shiro wouldn't be happy to be accepting the title "Silver Fox" so young. Daehra stopped walking in order to stare at him. For an alien who'd only been learning their language an assumedly short time, she was quite fluid. Though he didn't know if she really needed to know what "Silver Fox" meant  
"It's an Earth term for someone older than you"  
"So you would be a "Silver Fox"? As you're older than Leandro"  
Damned if he hadn't walked into that one. It sobered him up in a heartbeat  
"Not quite. Anyway, how much further until we reach the guest quarters?"  
Daehra didn't look pleased that she didn't get the answer she wanted, yet started walking again  
"They are at the back of the ship. Near the rear thrusters. He says he likes the noise"  
"The noise?"  
"Yes. You will see"

*  
Keith had had his fair share of trips on noisy ships, but as to why Lance would choose to sleep so close the rear thrusters had no logical explanation. The sound wasn't harsh as such, just a constant kind of dull buzzing that seemed inclined to be headache-inducing when exposed to prolonged exposure, and counter-intuitive to sleep. The only time the noise was interrupted when was when a loud rattling thud from the pipes in the walls surrounding the small rooms that could barely be called guest quarters as if trying to burst through the walls to be fed. The cherry on top of the lacklustre quarters was the fact they were only reachable by a rather shaky gangway that swayed alarmingly under each step. Lance clearly didn't want any visitors near his end of the ship. Not at all like the Paladin who couldn't sleep in his own room when no one was close. Though that may have been because the castle could feel like a graveyard in the lonely morning hours. Or at least it'd felt that way to Keith during the nights that his insomnia had decided he didn't need to function the following morning. Still, that loneliness could be remedied by sleeping closer to the team quarters.

From the quarters they moved back towards the medbay, taking a set of stairs up that were only accessible once activated by a positive reading on a palm scanner, rather continuing straight forward to the medbay. Otherwise, they moulded into the wall so seamlessly that Keith was impressed. The Telula was past her prime days, but he could see why Lance was so fond of her. She was still running despite her age and shortcomings. Others may have scrapped her, yet Lance would have seen the beauty in her. He was always like that, looking past what everyone else could see. 

Following Daehra up to the bridge of the Telula, Keith found himself very nearly gaping. Across the back "wall" of the area was a large older styled map. Various coloured dots flashing seemed to align with a handwritten table pinned to the right of the map. The Atlas. Keith's ship. Krolia and Kolivan. They topped the table list as "Allies not to be approached". Under came a series of abbreviations that could only be Lance's code names for everyone  
"It's impressive, isn't it? Leandro likes everything organised. You are going up there too while you are travelling with us. BBK"  
"I'm on the board?"  
"We all are. If there is a crash or an incident we need to know who is here. Lea is him. Lucteal is under "Electric", as your Earth has something called an "Electric Eel". I'm under "Star", as..."  
"The sun is a star, and the sun is out during the day?"  
The words came out in a mumble, Keith impressed that everything was so very Lance. His friend was right there on the board... meaning Lance was still in there somewhere  
"Yes! He said you were incredibly intelligent, even when you didn't give yourself enough credit. But I must admit, I am not too sure on "BBK""  
"I'm not too sure either. "K" for Keith... "BP" would be "Black Paladin", not "BB""  
Daehra deflated, Keith sure she was going to continue nutting this out  
"Ah, well. Perhaps he will inform us. You'll have a code name on here, but then be referred to something different in the field. Leandro... There was an incident. You have bad timing in that respect. None the less, "BBK". I'll list you under an agent. You'll be travelling with us for the next few movements"

Right. Wait. Movements? Lance said movement...? He'd barely had Lance back in his life for two and that had been murder on his poor heart. How was he supposed to survive movements on a ship with all of these questions and unspoken whatever it was between them?

"Travelling where? He said we need his clearance or something?"  
"It's an outer prison satellite. It's where the police from Erathus have their criminals transferred to..."  
Keith and satellites didn't get along together too well. No wonder Lance hadn't told him. He probably thought Keith was run for the hills if he knew  
"... the prisoners are held in status until their trial dates unless their clear involvement has been proven. After that, they are either sentenced to hard labour on mining planets or ethically euthanised. The later has been slowly phased out in favour for simply leaving them in status. Yet to access the facility you need someone affiliated with the police system. Still. It is going to be quite a trip out there. Lucteal will more than likely attempt to drive you from Leandro's side. Since... well..."  
Keith's heart began to race again, needing confirmation that it'd all amount to personal jealousy and nothing racial  
"Since he's in love with him?"  
"Ahh. Yes. You could say that. No. I was going to say we recently had an incident where one of the comrades attempted to double-cross us. I believe you were actually on a call to him at the time. Leandro was shot, Lucteal took it hard. He blamed himself and hasn't settled since"  
"He was shot?!"  
Why was he only now hearing about this?! His angry growl brought the bridge to silence. The conversation between the 5 team members there had already dipped since they entered  
"Keith. Please. He is healed. Leandro knows what he's doing"  
"He was shot! I'm going to strangle him"  
Daehra grabbed his arm, looking alarmed  
"It's a joke. An Earth joke. He would laugh if I said such in front of him"  
Replaying his words in his mind, Keith sighed to himself. Daehra was wearing off on him, as was the adrenaline that came with being "attacked" by these strangers. He wanted to grab Lance by the hand, drag him down to his quarters and curl up with him where they wouldn't be bothered by anyone  
"You Earth creatures are rather strange. We are all prepared to do everything we can to protect him. Such jokes are best left between you and him"  
Alright then. Message received. No jokes over Lance's health and wellbeing, no matter what...  
"Understood. How long before he's up and moving around?"  
"Within the next varga to two. I can sense you are anxious to return to him, but before you do we need to add you into our system, or you will not be able to access most of the ship"  
"Thank you. After that, I need to contact my mother"  
"Yes. No offence to your ruling mother and your Kolivan, but Galra ships still make a lot of us nervous. Lance assures us that she and Kolivan are not likely to attack..."  
"Not on purpose. We all know the Galra empire has been cruel for thousands of years and that those scars won't fade so easily"  
"Thank you for understanding. Leandro said you would. But words are just words. It is actions that count. Let us get you set up. I'll allow Leandro to give the rest of the tour. It is not much, but you are welcome to what we have"  
"Thank you, Daehra. I have some food provisions on my ship that were given to me by the former Yellow Paladin. I can have Kosmo go collect them if you're running low?"  
"I shall keep that in mind. Leandro is the only one here with any culinary skills, but it is hard to flavour ration packs. Some variety may be nice"  
"I'll send Kosmo once I've checked back in with Lance. Hunk tends to over cater for everything, so there'll be plenty for everyone"  
Daehra's cheeks dusted pink, before she coughed to clear her throat  
"Yes. Well. Yes. Let's get you onto our system"  
Keith was no expert in women or love, but the look Daehra gave him as they moved over to where a team member was typing away left him wondering if the strange alien women had developed the slightest of a crush on him... He couldn't help it if she had good taste, but she knew damn well he was in love with Lance, so how the quiznak was he supposed to handle whatever this was. He needed Lance. He needed him up and moving so he could fall behind and let Lance lead him wherever they were going, even if it turned out to be the very pits of hell.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meows loudly for attention and affection

It took two nights on the Telula for Keith to finally adapt to the sound of the rear thrusters. Two restless nights of fitful sleep just three doors down from Lance who'd been slightly standoffish since his trip to the medbay. At first, Keith had thought it was simply his presence affecting the actions of his friend. He knew now that it was a lot for Keith to be meeting his new team, and to be learning the day to day ship routines while on the move, leaving Lance fretting that every interaction could send sparks flying. Especially when it came to Lucteal. Lucteal had gone out of his way to make Keith know he wasn't welcome upon the Telula. From refusing the rations supplied by Hunk, to lying to his face over Lance's whereabouts when Daehra had asked him to fetch him back to the medbay for a follow-up examination. Lance wasn't blind or stupid to what was happening, yet seemed more than happy to ignore the situation leading to him hurting Keith's feelings in the process. Lance had invited him up on the ship, so shouldn't that mean concessions were to be made given he was out of his depths?

Woken to Kosmo's wet nose poking into his eye, Keith pushed his stupid wolf back, before attempting to snuggle down into the warmth of the blankets taken from the Atlas. His original assessment of the room being lacking had changed the moment he'd felt the mattress beneath him. It was heavenly compared to his ship's own thin one. It was its comfort alone that had allowed him those brief moments of sleep. Whining at him, Kosmo's claws tore into his arm as he tried harder to rouse him from his bed  
"Kosmo. No. No claws! Go back to sleep"  
Pulling his bleeding arm under the covers, Keith was on the verge of falling back to sleep when heard a scream. Pawing at him frantically, Kosmo yipped at him  
"Is it Lance? Is that why you were trying to wake me?"  
Yipping again, Kosmo teleported around the room as Keith climbed from his bed. Before he could pull his boots on there was the sound of something thudding that didn't seem related to the wall's piping, followed by another scream. Rushing out his room, the cold metal grating of the floor bit into his feet as he walk-jogged down to Lance's door. Pressing an ear against the door, he could hear the sound of sobbing beyond the plated metal  
"Was Lance having a nightmare?"  
Kosmo yipped, teleporting away after he did. Presumably into Lance's room to make sure he was alright. Keith had known his wolf was sneaking out at night to visit Lance. He could smell the former Red Paladin on Kosmo's fur as his wolf slunk into bed with him in the morning. Placing his hand on the palm reader, it lingered red long enough for Keith to question if he had access to Lance's room, before finally flicking green to allow him access.

The scent of blood was thick in the air, as was another scent that caused his stomach to clench. If he had to describe it, it'd be the smell of every bad memory rolled into one then concentrated down to its purest form. Goosebumps erupted across his skin as his hand felt for the light switch on the wall, fumbling slightly as he pressed down on the antiquated switch which clicked on. Bathing the room in a warm light glow, Keith needed a moment to process. Thin lines of blood ran across Lance's legs and side, the cause of which was the knife in Lance's hands. His friend was huddled in the corner of his room, sobbing his heart out as he begged in Spanish. Even from the doorway, Keith could see how badly Lance was shaking. With all they'd been through, he'd had his own share of flashbacks and nightmares. Waking up disorientated and reaching for his blade before his brain could kick in. There was also dealing with Shiro's nightmares and PTSD on their flight home to Earth and the months after  
"Kosmo, back up a bit"  
Whining at him, Kosmo vanished and reappeared at his side with a pill bottle in his mouth. Dropping it to the floor, red, yellow, white and blue pills spilt across the surface  
"Did he take these?"  
Nodding his head, Kosmo pawed at them sadly, not understanding why his second favourite human would do such a thing  
"Ok. Good boy. You know the drill, hang back until he's calmed down"  
Kosmo knew the drill from helping Shiro the same way he was helping Lance now. The dopey wolf was far smarter than liked to let on, probably out of fear of having to do real work instead of being basking in belly rubs, and Keith knew sometimes it was easier to talk to Kosmo than anyone else in the known universe.

Approaching Lance with his hands open, Lance gasped as he came closer, trying to push himself up against the wall of the ship  
"Get back!"  
"I can't do that, buddy. Not while you have that knife"  
Lance's wide eyes darted from Keith to the knife, raising it to his throats and bringing Keith's careful steps to a stop  
"Ok! Ok... I'm not coming any closer. I'm... I'm just going to sit here. Ok, Lance? I won't touch you. Look... just sitting"  
"Get away from me!"  
Slowly sitting, Keith held his hands up for Lance to see that they were empty. The feral look in Lance's eyes only grew as the hand holding the knife to his throat shook harder  
"Lance, its Keith. Do you know who I am?"  
"You're not him! He left!"  
"Lance..."  
"Stop it! You're fake! Like she is!"  
Like who? They were the only ones in the room, bar Kosmo  
"Lance, it's me. I promise I'm right here"  
"Liar! Allura... Allura... says you're not here..."  
Dropping the knife, Lance's hands went to his hair as he let out a wail. Lunging forward, Keith snatched the blade from Lance's lap, hurling it blindly across the room as he gathered Lance against him. Fighting his hold, his friend screamed at him to let him go. The overwhelming stench of rotten citrus rolled from Lance's skin as he manhandled him into his lap. Starting to rock him slowly, Keith hushed Lance until his wailing turned to a torrent to tears and his friend went limp in his hold. Moving a hand up, Keith carded his crushes oily hand softly as he nuzzled into the spot just below Lance's ear. This wasn't the first time Lance had broken down, or seemed scared of physical contact, giving Keith the horrible idea that he knew what had happened, though the small voice in the back of his brain told him it couldn't possibly be  
"Shhh... You're alright. You're ok... I've got you"

Long moments passed, Lance finally weakly croaking out  
"Keith?"  
"Hey, Buddy"  
"Wha..."  
"Nightmare. Pretty bad one"  
"I..."  
"It's ok. Kosmo woke me"  
"Kosmo?"  
"Big blue wolf that's too affectionate for his own good"  
"Sorry. Head's fuzzy..."  
"Yeah. Nightmares will do that. Why don't we get you up and cleaned up?"  
"I can..."  
"Lance, I know how exhausting a panic attack can be. You. Me. Shiro. We all get them. It's nothing to be ashamed of"  
"Stupid..."  
"You're not stupid. You're an idiot. A selfless idiot, but not stupid. You've never been stupid"  
"I... am..."  
"No. Here, let me help you"  
"I can do it. She didn't make me that useless"  
Allura again? Wasn't enough she left him? Now she haunted Lance's dreams too  
"I know you can. We don't have to talk about it, but I'm here for you"  
"I can't... I can't tell you... anyone but you..."  
Keith frowned at Lance's mumbled words  
"Why not? Nothing you could do would ever make me hate you"  
"Because you're the only friend I have left... I don't want to lose you too... and... we have our mission. We have to go get Guile..."  
Stupid Lance and his stupid moral compass. Keith couldn't care less for Guile. Not when Lance was imploding  
"Lance..."  
"Please. Just... until after the mission?"  
"Then we'll talk? You and me?"  
"I... will... I... can't..."  
Mumbling, Lance shivered in his hold. Keith felt as if he was holding onto an iceberg and not a living person  
"Alright. Let's get you into bed? Kosmo can spend the night, I know he does anyway"

Lance was way too light. Carrying him back to his bed, Keith laid him down with care. He wanted to kiss away all his crushes pain, but Lance turned his back towards him. His skin blemished with a crisscross of scars he hadn't had before. Running his fingertips over the risen lines, Lance let out a sob at his touch. Letting him know he'd gone too far in his upset state. God. If he'd just followed his heart and stayed for Lance, Lance wouldn't be suffering like this right now. Apologising softly, the half-Galra climbed from Lance's bed before patting the spot to let Kosmo know it was time for him to do what he did best. If someone had... if they'd... tortured him, Lance was most likely at his limit for physical contact. Climbing up next to Lance, Kosmo stretched the full length of the bed, whining contently as Keith drew the covers up to cover them both as Lance rolled back to cuddle into Kosmo. How could Lance ever think he was stupid? He could understand when they were Paladins, they were younger then. He'd left to find his mother, and so Lance could continue his own personal growth... Lance made a better Red Paladin then he had for Shiro. Lance was much more than he thought he was. So much more than everyone thought he was.

Not quite prepared to leave Lance, Keith stayed long enough to clean the spilt pills off the floor and retrieve the bloodied knife. For too long those damn pills had shouldered Lance's pain, but now he was here. Even if Lance came to hate him, he wasn't leaving things how they were, so took both offending items with him. The pills flushed down the small toilet in the bathroom quarters and knife stowed under the mattress of Keith's bed to prevent Lance from doing any more harm to himself. The hopeless look in his love's eyes still haunting him as Keith finally threw himself down into his own bed. He was over his head in all of this. Shiro would be the one to call, but if he went to Shiro he could lose the thin thread of trust he still held with Lance. After hours of tossing and turning, all chance of finding sleep was lost on him that night as he kept an ear out for any signs of distress coming from Lance's room.

*  
Lance didn't speak of what had happened the following morning, nor for the few following days. Instead, the Cuban through himself into running his ship, and coordinating missions before their comms went down. All of it still seemed foreign to Keith as Lance prattled off strings of numbers and letters that made sense to everyone but him. With Lance sitting in the pilot's chair, he seemed to grown. He ran the ship with a confidence that rivalled Shiro at the helm of the Atlas. 

Sitting at one of the terminals in the bridge, Keith was bored. Lucteal was hovering by Lance's side with a dataslate in his hand, filling Lance in on the transmissions they'd picked up during the night. Taking the dataslate from Lucteal's hands, Keith wondered if it was bad that he'd perked up so visibly over the possibility something had happened  
"Hey, BBK. Can you c..."  
"Yes"  
"You don't even..."  
"Yes"  
Lance snorted, Lucteal looking murderous at the sound as he turned to scowl at Keith. A hand creeping to rest on the shoulder of the pilot's chair but before it could make contact with Lance, Lance was out of the chair and walking towards him  
"You never could sit still, could you Mullet?"  
Rolling his eyes at him, Lance's smile grew into something more fond and genuine  
"Not really. What's going on?"  
"We picked up a distress signal during the night. We don't usually patrol the area, so it wasn't logged properly. I'm looking at you, Zak!"  
Zak whipped around from the control panel they were currently dismantling. Keith was still unsure whether Zak was male or female, so had opted simply for calling them Zak and praying he wasn't being offensive. Brushing their violet shoulder-length hair back, silver eyes glared at Lance  
"Leandro, you know I wasn't supposed to be on night shift. You're the one who designed the rosters"  
"Sorry, Zak. I know. I was joking and would be lost without you. It's my fault for scrambling the comms. Keep tinkering away there. You're doing a great job"  
Lance shot Zak a double thumbs-up that only intensified their scowling  
"Of course I am. Next trash moon, I expect a full 9 hours there. It's getting ridiculous down here"  
"You can have a full quintant if you get those guns back online"  
"They're already back online. Who do you think I am? You?"  
Poking his tongue at Zak, Lance waved him off. Keith was sure the comment had stung more than Lance was showing.

Turning back to him, Lance sighed  
"Can you imagine if Zak ever got together with Pidge? I think Zak may just be a worse tinkerer if you can imagine it. Anyyyyway. We need to take a tiny trip down to make sure things are ok there. Can you watch the Telula while we're gone?"  
Keith's eyes widened before he visibly deflated. Why did he have to watch the ship?!? It wasn't his ship. Didn't Lance think him bored enough? People watching had grown old within the first quintant upon the Telula... and now he had to sit here and wait while Lance got to play hero?! This was his ship! Wrapping an arm around his waist, Lance let out a howl of laughter that startled his team into staring  
"You should have seen your face! I know how bored you are. I saw your lips moving as you counted the rivets in the ceiling"  
Keith huffed, crossing his arms as he tried to look annoyed while failing miserably. Lance's stupid smile had his hearts doing backflips  
"I wasn't that bored"  
"Sure you weren't. We received a distress signal from a planet about 3 vargas from where we are now. Do you want to come down with me? Or do you want to stay here and continue counting?"  
"Oh, so I get to see the famous Leandro in action?"  
"Yep. New suit and a new gun. Pretty razzle-dazzle, if I do say so myself"  
"They let you dress yourself here? I'm surprised"  
Lucteal moved to Lance's side  
"Are you trying to say something about Leandro's capabilities?! You are a guest upon his ship. You should be bowing down before him"  
Passing the dataslate to the alien, Lance sighed  
"Lucteal, we've discussed this. He is my guest upon our ship. He also happens to be the best hand to hand fighter I know. Plus, he has a teleporting space wolf that even the most cold-hearted dictators in the universe would love. It's a simple mission"  
"Erathus was supposed to be a simple mission!"  
Pain crossed Lance's features before he set his face in a deep frown  
"You're talking about things you don't even know about. He didn't mean to cause as much trouble as he did. He's just an idiot who is better at actions than he is with words. While we're planetside, Daehra will take command. We'll take Keith's ship, and rendezvous with you on moon 15 on this sector. I've already input the coordinates into my comms, and set course for it. You know the drill. 12 vargas of radio silence. If you don't hear from us by then, you call me, and I will decide if we need an extraction or not. The information on the planet shows that it is still recovering from Galra occupation. Depending on the circumstances, they made need either aid or an evacuation. Be on standby for either of those calls. Zak, you run comms. Electric, you'll assist both him and Star. I know Th'al has a mission, make sure she's fully briefed on the situation, though I expect she'll be taking her pod as it is. BBK is now being designated Meteor for this mission. No names on comms. Meteor, you're with me"

God. Even with the stupid nickname, Keith nearly popped a boner listening to Lance go into command mode. Lucteal looked lived as Keith fell in behind Lance who strode over to the staircase leading down to the next level without looking back. Fuck... He wanted to push Lance up against the nearest wall, or drag him to bed and experience first hand how commanding he could be. After nearly falling from the first step, Keith managed to get his shit together as he followed Lance down the stairs at a much slower pace, the Cuban waiting for him with an amused look upon his face as Keith stepped down onto the mesh flooring  
"Everything ok there?"  
"I... yeah"  
Pushing off the wall Lance started towards the front of the ship, the same direction as the infirmary  
"Lucteal... he reminds me so much of you when we were first blasted out here. He's not great at words, but those he cares about... he tends to lose his cool. Kind of like how you were over Shiro. Normally he isn't like this..."  
"You do know he's like this because he likes you?"  
Lance shook his head  
"It's that and it's not at the same time. Feelings are stupid like that, and what he feels isn't love. It's misplaced loyalty. I wanted Electric and Star to return home after we met, but as weird as it sounds, tagging around with me is actually better than what they've got waiting at home. I was thinking about introducing them to Shiro, but didn't think the Galaxy Garrison would be the right fit..."  
"There's nothing wrong with "tagging around with you". Star mentioned something about a princess being taken? Or something to that effect?"  
Lance stumbled slightly  
"She did?"  
"Yeah. While you were all banged up"  
"Wow. They don't usually like to talk about it. She must have sensed something within you that she liked"  
"That's nice. There's plenty within me to like"  
Pausing, Lance took a step back before turning to face him. Keith's heart was hammering like a jackhammer. His crush was suddenly far too close for him to think  
"There really is. However, you need to move your nice self because I need to get to that access panel behind you"  
"Oh... right"  
Squeaking like a moron, Keith's cheeks felt red as he moved aside so Lance could access yet another of the Telula's hidden panels. Placing his palm down on the scanner, the wall right between them slid back to expose an arsenal that left Keith momentarily speechless. No one needed the kind of firepower contained in here  
"Like it? We kind of picked up a few things along the way. I'm thinking you need a gun. Even if you're not the greatest sharpshooter, we never know..."  
Lance... and weapons. Lance and more weapons then Keith's own ship held. Hell. More weapons than what the freakin' Atlas held  
"Where did they all come from?"  
Walking over to a purple crate, Lance popped the two clips open  
"We are a Bounty Hunter ship, but we also take on missions for... others. Sometimes a government will need someone to step in and end something they can't be seen as part of. We take the weapons the destroy them most of the time. These have just accumulated because Jarpel messed up. Sometimes we barter with them, like when one of our team messes up and needs out of a jam. But yeah. For the most part, they get jettisoned into the nearest star. They're better destroyed than in the hands of innocent kids who know no better"  
It was all so matter of fact that Keith didn't know what to say. Pulling out a small black gun, Lance held it out to him  
"They fire a burst of energy that temporarily paralyses the target. Most of these weapons are actually like that. We've got EMP grenades. Gas grenades. Net guns. We've got this one gun that shoots this goo stuff that looks just like the goo from the castle... but it basically hardens to form this really shape crystal stuff. I'm so glad Coran didn't have that on the castle. His Paladin meals were bad enough"  
"I... you're like... a big deal out here, aren't you?"

Closing the purple crate, Lance popped the locks back into place. Turning his back towards the half-Galra, Lance walked over to the back of the room  
"Thanks for that. I was a Paladin too, you know"  
"That's not... I didn't mean it like that"  
Pressing a button hidden on the wall, a small drawer popped open. Taking its contents out, it was a plain black bodysuit like the one Keith wore as a blade  
"It's fine"  
It wasn't fine. His words had hurt Lance, even if he was trying to shrug it off  
"It's not fine. It's also not what I meant to say. What I meant was, I'm proud of you. All of this would have taken so much time and effort. You command your ship like Shiro on the Atlas. It's like... it's like you should have been the Black Paladin all along"  
"Thanks, but we all know that isn't true. It was all I could do to pilot Blue then Red. You've got your blade on you right?"  
That was a load of shit. Lance had saved them all a hundred times over... They were all just so caught up in their own little lives that they'd never really shown how he kept the team going  
"Yeah... I mean, it's in my room. La..."  
"It's Leandro while we're on a mission, Meteor"  
Closing the drawer, Lance moved back towards him as Keith stood there with the gun in his hand, having not moved since Lance handed it to him  
"Leandro, then. Why Meteor?"  
"Because the reinforcement plating for The Telula came from a meteor close to Zak's home planet, and you were the one admiring the roof so intently"  
That was it? He cast one glance up at the roof and now he was stuck with this stupid call sign?!  
"I wasn't even looking at the roof!"  
"Sure you weren't. Let's get you changed. Star will want to drop the grav hooks soon, and I'm not too keen on jumping from ship to ship in this sector"  
"Something I should know about?"  
Patting his shoulder as he passed, Lance failed to reassure him as he casually stated  
"Think intergalactic space locus the size of Kalternecker"  
"Th... what? Space bugs?"  
"Locus. They've got the same sinister eyes and hoppy back legs. The only difference is that their blood can burn through a suit in seconds"  
What? Then why the Quiznak did anyone call this sector home?!  
"You're kidding me, right?"  
Exiting the armoury, Lance shrugged  
"Leandro, you better be joking"  
"Why? Is Meteor afraid of bugs?!"  
"Afraid of bugs, no, worried that some kind of Kalternecker-Locus hybrid could take out the front windshield of my ship, yes"  
"What happened to your sense of adventure?"  
Joining Lance outside the armoury, the wall slid into place to hide the treasure trove seamlessly  
"There's adventure and then there's the need for a giant can of bug spray. I like my ship"  
"Your ship will be fiiiine"  
"Lance!"  
"Shhh... it's Leandro. There's only like a 30 per cent chance of seeing one, let alone hitting a swarm of them. Go ahead and change into your Blade clothes, or you can change after Kosmo jumps us down. I still need to get the rest of my gear from my room"  
"You mean that black suit isn't the famous "razzle-dazzle"?"  
"This is an undersuit. My other one was on my pod that Zak blew. Normally I wouldn't need one, but you have a way of courting danger even when there shouldn't be any"  
"I do not"  
"Mhmm. How many times did you jump in headfirst and nearly get yourself killed while we were running around with Voltron? Hmmm?"  
"That was ages ago. It's not like I died. It's not like any of us died, apart from Shiro... the most careful of us all"  
Lance made a kind of silent "oh" with his lips, Keith needing a full tick to realise what he'd said  
"I didn't mean it like that. Allura's sacrifice is what saved all of us..."  
"I know. I'm going on ahead"  
"Leandro..."  
"Just... not now, Keith... I'll come get you when I'm done"  
Stalking away, Keith was left kicking himself as he watched Lance go. The words had slipped from his lips before he'd known what was happening. Shiro and Allura... Shiro had only been saved due to Allura. Not only in bringing him back from the astral plane, then the use of the gem from her tiara to stabilise him when they started losing him all over again. Shiro got to live, while Allura was lost to Lance forever. Why was he an idiot? At this rate he was likely to destroy things between them completely, then they'd be left in limbo again with Keith unable to confess and Lance probably thinking it was all just about the mission and not the fact he'd been harbouring this stupid crush on him for years.

*  
Lance's "razzle-dazzle" suit was a simple black suit and mask set like those of the Blade's, yet it was set apart by the thin silver threads weaving their way across the fabric like spiderwebs. The flight to the planet Lance called Q2-10, was quiet. Lance spending most of his time sitting with Kosmo's head resting in his lap. It'd only been for a fraction of a tick, but Keith swore he'd smelt blood when Lance came to retrieve him and Kosmo from their quarters.

Flying over the planet, the reason behind the distress call wasn't apparent. There were no rogue Galra ships, or great burning creators in the grey-toned world's surface. Tapping on his wrist communicator, Lance flicked coordinates of call up on to the screen before resuming staring out the window. The whole time Keith felt as if he should say something, yet had no idea what to say. "Sorry I brought up your dead ex-girlfriend"? Didn't seem like it would go over too well, and he wasn't sure he could stop himself from sounding every bit as pissed as he was at her over how it'd all gone down. He knew her sacrifice was necessary, but the jury was still out on the leading up to of said sacrifice. Allura should have known better than to have accessed the black entity. They could have found another way. At this point, any other way would have been preferable to Lance having his heart ripped out and the pieces ground into dust. Following the Nav system, they landed on the outskirts of a small city. Lance instantly stiffening as he surveyed the sight in front of them. There was no one there. No kids in the street. No animals. No adults... it was frightfully quiet.

"What do you want to do?"

Jumping at Lance's voice, Keith turned to him  
"We're supposed to be checking the signal, right?"  
"Mhmm. But this doesn't feel right"  
"You feel it too?"  
Nodding, Lance went back to tapping on his wrist comms  
"It's too quiet"  
"Yeah..."  
"The signal definitely originated from here, but we have no way of knowing how long it's been playing. We should at least disable it if there's no one left to help"  
"Right"  
It was a solid plan. They'd seen a few other villages dotted across the planet's surface. Though unlikely, perhaps the original occupants had moved on? Pulling his mask into place, Lance stood  
"Kosmo should be safe. Atmosphere is mostly oxygen. No signs of contamination"  
Pulling his own mask down, Keith gave a nod  
"Let's head out"

Kosmo teleported them out of the ship and into the eerie silence of the empty city. From the scorch marks on the wall, and the dust across the buildings, the Galra had once swept through here. A sense of dread welled in both of them as they wondered if this had happened during the period where Voltron had disappeared. To know you missed three years of your life had been a slap to the face of all of them. Lance initially having trouble reconnecting with his family over it all  
"I don't think anyone's here. The signal is coming from that churchy looking building ahead"  
Where Lance saw "church" in the cold soaring black building, Keith would never know  
"How do you want to play this? Should I sweep it first?"  
"I'm not picking up life signs on my scanner. There still could be sentinels"  
"I'll go first, you've got my back"  
Activating his weapon, the silver gun was about the same shape and size as Lance's bayard had been. Flicking the switch beneath the grip, the whole thing grew outwards as the main barrel split into four, emitting a soft blue light as it did  
"Of course I do. If you're a good boy, I'll get you one of these"  
"Pfft. What am I going to do with a gun that big?"  
"It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it. Now hurry up. I want to get back to the Telula"  
"Afraid Star and Electric are going to damage your precious ship?"  
"No. I'm afraid this is a trap and the Telula is taking damage. She might be a rust bucket, but she's our home"  
"I'm sure whoever's onboard can handle it. Didn't you mention someone called "Jarpel"? They're the one who brought the guns?"  
Lance shifted, dropping his gaze to his gun  
"Jarpel died. He got into a skirmish... and... he died. He wasn't with us long... but enough about that"  
"I'm sorry to hear that. It never gets easier"  
"Yeah. You can say that again. He banged the wrong woman's husband. She put a bounty on his head. They killed him first, then tried to come after the rest of us..."  
"Wow..."  
"Yep. Now go ahead and open the damn door already"

Lance had unintentionally called it. They'd reached the distress beacon, but the moment it was deactivated swarms of Galra sentries came pouring up from where they must have been detained below. Their mechanical bodies were an ugly reminder that the cinders of war still swirled, bursting into conflagration without need or prompt. Firing indiscriminately, Lance swapped his guns form to a smaller handgun, recklessly firing as Keith lunged and hacked his way through the crowd. He'd missed this. He'd missed fighting with Lance by his side... Lance who was now way better at hand to hand combat than he'd been when part of Voltron. Every movement of sharp limbs fluid as he hit his mark repeatedly. Keith would have liked to watch the deadly dance longer, mesmerised and swept away in the action, but an unforeseen blow knocked him off his feet where he hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. Winded for the moment, he blinked away tears caused by the force of the impact as Kosmo tore apart the sentry that had tripped him up. Above him came a snarl, Lance vaulting over Kosmo to shoot the three sentries coming at them with no regard for the blast being fired his way. Forcing himself up, Keith parried a blow meant for Kosmo as he swallowed down the discomfort of his fall. He could rest once the sentries were eliminated. Once the threat was neutralised.

Finding his own rhythm again, Keith grabbed Kosmo's fur, letting him teleport him between Lance and the end of the hall where the staircase down lay. Engaging in another sentry, his target was torn away from him, Lance. Growling like an animal, Lance's teeth were bared as he shot the sentry, before starting to kick the ever-living shit out of the hunk of now space trash  
"Leandro!"  
Lance's eyes were like ice as they rose to meet Keith's. Keith didn't know that Lance was even capable of looking at someone or something with such loathing. If he didn't know it was Lance, he'd have been sure it wasn't. Pulling back from the sentry, Lance rushed forward, Keith raising his blade in preparation for an attack, only for Lance to charge right past him and leap at the closet sentry. Blasting a hole through its head, he rode the crumbled body down. His left hand holstering his gun as his right pulled a long nasty blade from his suit. Holding it like a sword, Keith recognised all the signs of anger controlling Lance's movements. It wasn't to say Lance wasn't getting the job done. He was. He was also replaying almost every sword battle Keith had had before he'd left the team and found his mother. He knew the kind of anger that fuelled Lance's moves as he hit the walls over and over in an attempt to hold his ground. The hopelessness behind each parry and thrust... and that he was going to burn himself out far too soon trying to keep the pace  
"Kosmo!"

Yelling Kosmo's name, Lance dove for him as the pair teleported over to him. Grabbing onto his thick blue fur, Keith barely had time to realise what had happened before he found himself back in his ship. Crouched beside Kosmo, Lance tapped on his wrist comms  
"Meteor, get us up. The place is going to blow in about 30 ticks"  
It was what now? Releasing Kosmo, Lance dragged him over the pilot's chair  
"Get it together! The blades aren't the only one who those cool explosive discs. Meteor, get us out of here!"  
When did he have time to set the discs up? And why?! Dumping himself down in his pilot's chair, Keith firing up his ship as Lance bounced up and down with his hands on the back of the chair  
"Come on..."  
"I'm going as fast as I can..."  
"Get us out of here before..."  
"I know! How long's on the time?!"  
"Any tick now"

Cursing under his breath, Keith kicked the engines into overdrive, managing to move them back as the top floor of the building exploded. Lifting up enough to hover over the burning building, Keith stared at the sight below him  
"When did you...?"  
"You think I was bouncing into those walls on purpose? Plus, I managed to get a few on downed sentries. Man! That got the blood going! Leandro and Meteor, just like old times!"  
"I did wonder..."  
Lance's happiness crumbled as Keith failed to find the happiness his crush did. In the moment had been exhilarating, until Lance had started losing... intentionally. He hadn't mentioned anything at all about blast discs  
"... what the hell you were thinking"  
"What..."  
"We were completely overwhelmed. I saw you there. You lost control when you thought I was hurt..."  
"I..."  
"Why? If you'd told me, we could have teleported out sooner..."  
"I..."  
"You could have been hurt!"

Taking a step back, Lance wrapped his arms around his waist  
"You're right. You're right. I stuffed it all up again. I thought you'd been hit... I thought I'd killed you too... then you got up again..."  
"Lance..."  
Taking another few steps back, Lance slid down the side of the cockpit wall. Ripping off his mask and flinging it across the space before burying his hands in his hair  
"Lance?"  
"I fucked it up. I was excited to be in the field with you again... but when they hurt you..."  
Pulling up the Nav system, Keith tapped the first bit of empty space above the planet that came up on the screen. Flicking to autopilot, he climbed out from his chair, then moved to squat down in front of Lance who seemed to be spiralling  
"Hey..."  
"I..."  
"Lance. I'm alright. Slightly embarrassed I fell, but I'm fine"  
"When you fell... I wanted..."  
"You wanted them dead?"  
Looking up at him, Lance mumbled  
"I started thinking about all the people they would have killed. And that by bringing you along I'd gotten you... I didn't stop to think... I was just so happy that... it's stupid. Can you go ahead and call this through to Star? Tell her to tag this planet as RX8. She'll know what to do"  
"RX8?"  
"Sentries. Their guns are pretty hardy. They were a real problem out here while we were celebrating peace. Parts from the sentries too. Allura and Haggar may have cleansed all the purple quintessence, but the power supplies seem to last... I'd bet that those sentries were left there intentionally for harvesting"  
Keith had never heard anything like it. The cleanup process had been huge, and they hadn't been able to be everywhere at once. They'd dealt with split fractions within the empire, generals and commanders who thought they deserved to take Lotor's place... so why hadn't he thought about the sentries? And those people left to clean them up?  
"Are you ok? You got hit, didn't you?"  
Lance blinked at him, letting out a shaky breath he took the out  
"I'm fine. The suit took the damage. What about you? They knocked you down"  
"I'm fine. We were Paladins, what're a few bots between friends?"  
"Friends?"  
The almost shy way Lance asked tugged at his heart  
"Yeah, Lance. Now, how many of those things do you think we took down?"  
"I took down more than you did"  
"I don't know about that"  
Lance pouted at him  
"I blew up the floor"  
"That's cheating"  
"How is that cheating?"  
"Because... it is. You're still just as sharp with that gun of yours"  
"Of course I am. You're just as sharp with those blades of yours"  
"Of course. We both know not all relief work is supplying aid"  
"God. How I wish it was. Sorry... I kind of..."  
"It's fine. We all have things that set us off. I was worried watching you fight. I didn't even notice the discs"

Planting the discs hardly explained every step of the fight. Lance was dripping with bloodlust once Keith had gone down. Goosebumps erupted over Keith's skin as his heart finally began to slow. Lance had wanted blood. He'd wanted to kill. Had he killed? While he was out running around alone? They'd been forced to take lives as Paladin's, Keith suffering his own share of nightmares over it all. The constant death and the loss Allura were the main reasons Lance had stayed up on Earth. He now knew he lost a team member of sorts, but why did it have to keep happening to Lance? The man who had so much love to give for everyone.

"When I saw the sentries, I knew we were pretty screwed. I mean, I'm great, and you're not too bad yourself, but damn did they keep coming. Why should you Blades get all the cool weapons?"  
"I think you've got us beat in the weapons department. That armoury of yours is something else"  
"You should have seen my set up on Erathus then. You would have loved it"  
"Maybe you can show me?"  
Lance shook his head  
"I can't go back for a while, and I'm not sure I want to"  
"You could come back to Daibazaal?"  
Lance slumped back, not answering Keith's question leaving him awkwardly trying to cover himself  
"Or you could come on missions with us? Acxa would love to pick your mind over Veronica. Kosmo's really missed you... and well... despite the numbers, it felt nice being on a mission with you again"  
Standing up, Keith offered Lance his hand. Taking it, Keith didn't want to let go as he pulled Lance up so he was standing mere centimetres from him. It would be so easy to lean forward and press his lips to Lance's slightly dry pink ones  
"Nice until I fucked up..."  
"One little hiccup doesn't mean you fucked up. You've always been too hard on yourself"  
"When did you get so wise?"  
"Space does that. So does Shiro..."  
Lance released his hand at "Shiro"  
"Yeah. Space Dad is like that. Can you call Star now? I'm going to get changed"  
They were done? Lance would normally be insisting they check in with other villages. Making sure everyone is safe and sound, even if it messed with the mission  
"Shouldn't we check in with the other villages here?"  
"Yeah. Give me a few ticks. My people skills are a little rusty"  
Keith snorted. Lance loved people, and people loved Lance  
"They day your people skills are "rusty" is the day the Shiro paints the Atlas fluorescent pink"  
"I don't know... I kind of want to see that now"  
"Do you think Curtis would let him get away with it?"  
"I supposed not. It was a nice dream. I'll be back in a dobosh"  
As Lance turned to walk away, Keith reached for his hand again. His mood had slipped again. Keith wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Lance and hold him close. Whatever was going on in that mind of his, Keith wanted to know it all  
"Lance..."  
"It's ok Keith. I'll be right back"

*  
It wasn't like Keith hadn't expected the villages to be empty, still, seeing the crumbling walls of the long-dead village, then being actively shunned by the only populated village had been hard. Lance had expected it. The visit had been to humour him. The former Red Paladin's eyes filled with unspilled tears as Kosmo teleported them back aboard Keith's ship. Star had been confused over why they were calling so soon until Keith had explained the sentries. Thanking him, the call had been brief. Keith not mentioning Lance's mini panic attack, and Star promising to see them soon. Now he knew why. They weren't welcome or wanted. That beacon had attracted far too much attention, meaning it was somewhat miraculous that any of the planet's population had survived. They might not have wanted aid, but Keith was already planning an aid drop to them. It wasn't fair that they had to rebuild due to the selfishness of Zarkon and those who's bloodline ran in his. 

Disappearing back towards the bedroom quarters the moment they'd arrived back on the ship, Keith making sure the ship was set to the rendezvous point before leaving the cockpit to find the missing man. Hearing water running in the showers, Keith cracked the door to check Lance was alright. Having not noticed him Lance was standing in front of the mirror, dragging his blade across the smooth skin of his upper thighs. Slicing through half a dozen times in rapid succession, let threw the blade into the sink with an angry growl  
"Stop looking at me like that!"  
Jerking back, Keith didn't know he'd been sprung spying. Grabbing a cloth off the sink, Lance wiped the wounds over  
"Allura, enough. Why are you even back? You were finally gone. Finally... I know. Ok... Don't you think I know how he'd react? You're in my head. I can't tell him that. Not Keith"  
Allura? He was talking to Allura?  
"I can't tell him! He showed up out of nowhere! God... you were gone. I... thought I was getting somewhere... You know I came back wrong. You brought me back wrong. None of them knows I died for you. Or what you did... is that why you're here? You're here because he brought it up? I was never meant to be a Paladin, Allura. I was never good enough. I'm standing in his bathroom hallucinating that my dead girlfriend is watching me. How do I even tell him that? Fuck... How do I tell him any of this? Rachel was right. You were out of my league. You didn't even love me for me, only for the part of your soul, you called me back with. That's the only reason someone like you would look at an average guy from Cuba like me. Stop it. You don't get to say those things. You don't get to be mad. You're dead. You're gone and my life has gone to shit. Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't need you... I don't need anyone..."

Covering his mouth his hand, Keith stepped back to press his back against the wall. Lance had died?! Lance had fucking died?! When had Lance died!? Why had no one told him? How... Tears rolled down Keith's cheeks as he pushed off the wall to sneak back to the cockpit. No wonder Lance was hurting. He'd died. Why hadn't the team told him Lance had been hurt so severely? He didn't understand. He didn't understand why Lance was seeing Allura either. She was gone. Long gone. Did those marks do something more than serve as a reminder? And again Lance was saying he'd been brought back wrong. Did that mean Shiro had been too? Was his alter ego still hiding in that clone's body? Was the body Shiro was using when crashed back to Earth even his real body? He was out of his depth. If he called his mother, she'd demand he return immediately. If he called Shiro, Shiro would want to help. He'd bring down the full weight of the Atlas on anyone who'd hurt Lance, regardless of what Lance wanted. It'd only cause more complications if Shiro was to step in. Earth technology had been uploaded onto the clubs security system. Erathus police could look upon this as an act of war or sabotage. If Lance had been on his own, Keith could have simply stolen him away from all of this, but now he has Lance's team to consider. Daehra and Lucteal weren't fit to run a crew alone. If their sister was a royal, then they'd be royal brats too. Maybe that's why they'd stayed away? To rebel against mummy and daddy? With an agitated growl, Keith let himself back into the cockpit where Kosmo was still waiting. Dropping down into the pilot's chair, he turned off the Nav systems autopilot, then kicked the engines up a gear. The trip back to the Telula would take vargas. Vargas filled with silence as he tried to process everything. Seeing Lance in his bathroom, breaking apart like that, how did even begin to start helping? How did he push aside his desires to hold Lance constantly, when he didn't want to be touched? How did he break down the walls so that they could have that conversation Lance didn't want to have, without admitting all his own wrongdoing? How did look at Lance, and know that he intentionally hurt himself repeatedly because they'd all fucked up and let him down? How did even start helping his best friend get back on his feet? He didn't want to, but he was too far over his head. Opening his communicator, he thumbed down to Shiro's name. Lance would be so mad at him... He didn't want Lance to be mad at him, still, he'd take Lance alive and mad over him dead because Keith hadn't done everything he could to pull him back from his poor attempts to cope. With Lance possibly returning at any moment Keith messaged his adopted brother, asking him to call him in a few vargas. They should be back at the Telula by the time Shiro did... even if he didn't, Keith was hopeful enough time would have passed that Lance wouldn't be suspicious over him taking a call from the man. Maybe if Shiro did call, he could get Lance talking to him? Shiro knew what it was like to die and come back. Keith didn't. He'd had a few too many close calls. A few too many days stuffed in a healing pod from his own stupidity, but he'd never had to be revived by Allura. God. It explained so much.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more Keith chapter then we be switching to the hard stuff with Lance's pov

Shiro didn't wait the asked vargas, calling him back within doboshes of Keith sending the message. Filling the screen on the cockpit, Shiro looked as if he'd been sleeping. His white hair sticking up in every conceivable direction, with drool crust to the left side of his lips  
"Keith? What's up?"  
"I didn't mean to wake you"  
Blinking away his tears, Shiro moved from where he'd been in bed with Curtis. The man's sleeping form visible in the background as Keith's vision cleared. It felt incredibly wrong to be betraying Lance, yet the image of the blade slicing through Lance's skin so easily refused to leave his mind. He felt sick to the very depths of his boots for walking away. For not tackling Lance down tearing that damned blade away from him. He knew Lance hurt himself. He knew it. He could have done something about it. He could have done something about it back before this. Back before Lance broke down further. Sniffling, more tears leaked from his shimmering purple eyes  
"No. It's fine. What's going on? Did something happen? You've been crying"  
"It's... do you remember what it was like to die?"  
Shiro wrinkled his brow, then winced as a bright light came down from above with the whirl of a fan faintly coming through. Great. Now Shiro was hiding in the bathroom, while Keith was fighting to bring his tears and emotions back under his control. He hadn't meant to disturb him. God. He was an adult. He'd seen so much. He should know how to help Lance  
"Keith... are you ok? Did you have a nightmare?"  
Shaking his head, Keith scrubbed at his eyes with right hand  
"No. No... Just a shaky day"  
"Wanna tell me about it?"  
"I... can't..."  
Shiro sighed softly  
"I'm fine, kiddo. I don't remember much from dying. I was dead before I knew what had happened, then onto the astral plane"  
Keith had had nightmares of fighting Kuron and losing. Of Shiro never coming back. Or them never knowing Kuron wasn't Shiro. They'd spent far too many nights reassuring each other over the experience  
"What was that like?"  
"Keith, I've told you all of this before..."  
"I know. I... Lance had..."  
"Lance had" what? It slipped out his mouth, and now there was no going back  
"Did Lance have a nightmare?"  
A waking nightmare that was called a hallucination of Allura  
"Yeah. Something like that..."  
"Is that why you're upset? Was it to do with Allura?"  
"I don't know how to help him. I keep stuffing it all up"  
Drawing his knees up, Keith felt more like a moody teen than half way through his 20's. The action far too comforting and familiar  
"I'm sure you're not. How is he? Have you two been talking? Have you told him how you feel?"  
"I... Shiro... it's... I don't think I can"  
"Keith, he's your best friend"  
"Then why did I fail him?! You haven't seen it, Shiro. He's... different"  
"Of course he's different, people grow and change. We grow closer together and we drift apart. It's a fact of life, Keith"  
Shaking his head, Shiro wasn't giving him the magic answers he needed  
"That's not it"  
"Then what is?"  
"I... he... God. Shiro. It's a mess"  
"Keith, if you need me to fly out to where you are..."  
"No. No. That would make it worse. I got him into trouble with his boss, so we're not on Erathus. We went on a mission together today..."  
Shiro perked up like Keith wasn't depressed  
"How did that go?"  
"Not great. No one died, but only because the Galra had been there first. They wouldn't talk to us. Hey, Shiro. Did you know people intentionally go after remaining sentries for their parts and their guns?"  
Shiro hummed for a moment  
"I've heard of it"  
"I hadn't really thought of it. There are so many planets out here. How many slipped through our fingers and were destroyed while Voltron was missing. It was three years"  
"Keith, you can't think like that"  
"Can't I? Lance does. He had a member of his team killed"  
"Shit. When was that?"  
"I don't know. I don't know if I can help him. I don't even know if he wants me to help him"  
"He wouldn't have asked you to be there with him if he didn't"  
"He's doing me a favour"  
"You're still there. Sometimes that's all it takes"  
"I think all I've done is make things worse"  
"You're his best friend. You're also the only one he's opened up to. None of us knows what he's doing, and now you say he has a team?"  
"Yeah. He's a bounty hunter. Can you believe it?"  
The frown on Shiro's lips was severe  
"I thought Veronica said he was working in security?"  
"He works with the police on Erathus, or he did until I messed things up with one of Pidge's programs"  
"I'm sure it's not all that bad..."  
"People have tried to kill him. How do I fix any of this for him?"  
"It's not your job to fix things"  
"But I want to help him!"  
"Then tell him how you feel... Oh hey, Lance"

Jumping up, Keith rose to stand in a kind of half-stand half-blot kind of pose. His heart hammering over Lance interrupting the conversation. He'd slightly forgotten Lance was paranoid over their communications being intercepted  
"Hey, Shiro. How are you?"  
"Good. Good. How are you? Keith was just telling me the two of you were hanging out"  
Lance nodded, his arms wrapping around his waist in a self hug as he cautiously moved closer to the screen. His face was covered in a green face mask, that clashed with the jacket and jeans he was wearing  
"Yeah. You know how it is. Heard you and Curtis finally got together. Congratulations"  
"Thanks. It hasn't been easy, but Adam would want us to be happy"  
"You deserve to be. I didn't mean to interrupt..."  
Lance couldn't meet Shiro's eyes, talking to the corner of the screen rather than to Shiro's face. Sinking down in his chair, Keith was mentally worrying how much Lance had heard before walking in  
"You're not interrupting. We missed you when Keith came to visit. You definitely need to come with him next time. Hunk's been talking about you both non-stop"  
Thank god for Shiro. He made everything sound so natural  
"Yeah, man. That sounds good. We're a little busy at the moment, but I've missed his cooking"  
"Did Keith share the supplies Hunk sent him off with?"  
"Yep. Erathus tries, but they just can't get those spice ratios right like Hunk can"  
"We could call Pidge back and make a day of it..."  
"Uh. Yeah. I don't know what my schedule is like, but that sounds good. I might leave you too it..."  
"It's a date"  
Keith blushed at "date", shooting a glare at his adopted brother  
"Sure. Sure. See ya, Shiro. Keith, I'm going to take a nap. We're still a few vargas out, right?"  
"Yeah. Want me to wake you when we arrive?"  
"Sounds good. Bye Shiro"

Lance gave Shiro a wave before disappearing back out the cockpit. Shiro giving it a few long moments before sighing  
"That was awkward"  
"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that. I thought he was going to start yelling when he came in. I'm not supposed to be on the comms"  
"Why not?"  
"Bounty Hunter security and stuff. Already had to call back to the ship as it was, so maybe it's alright?"  
"The ship?"  
"Oh, Lance has his own ship. You should see him, it's like he knows exactly who he is and what's he doing when he stands at the helm"  
"He deserves it. He always did his best to keep the team together, even after you left and Kuron was there. Coran said it was quite a rough time for him"  
"Coran said?"  
"Lance became quiet and withdrawn. Initially, Lance wanted to hand the Red lion over when we returned to Earth. I'm glad he's found something he likes doing. I'm not so happy that it's bounty hunting on his own. Anything could happen to him"  
"I think it already has..."  
"What do you mean by that? Did someone hurt him? Keith, if someone's hurt him, I'll bring the full force of the Atlas down there..."  
There was the space dad that everyone knew and loved. He'd known Shiro would react like this. He knew how much Shiro cared for Lance. He was tired of going around in circles in his mind. Shiro hadn't given him the magical cure for Lance, and Lance already knew they were talking about him.

"It's his nightmares. He... Shiro, I swear to god I will never talk to you again if you breathe a word of this to anyone"  
"Keith..."  
"Swear it. I won't tell you until you do"  
"Keith, we're not kids"  
"Shiro, I need you to promise. Lance has made me a promise to explain things, but he won't if I break his trust"  
Shiro gave a grim nod  
"How bad is it?"  
"I think he's been tortured. I think something happened on Erathus and that he was tortured"  
"Tortured?"  
"He doesn't want to be touched. This is Lance. Since when does Lance not like hugs? His room is as far away from everyone else's as it can get... and his nightmares. He wakes up screaming. He looks like he's barely sleeping or eating. Today, a sentry landed a lucky blow and knocked me down. He lost it. He threw himself in recklessly, then had Kosmo teleported us out before blowing up the top floor of the building. The slightest thing sets him off... I'm scared for him, Shiro. Something really bad happened to him..."  
"Has he told you himself?"  
"No. I mean, I didn't think he looked like himself when I saw him. What he's doing out here isn't safe. But he's really helping people..."  
"Keith, if he's been tortured, then we should let Veronica..."  
"No! Weren't you listening to me? He doesn't want anyone to know. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's worse or better because I'm here. I can't stand to think of what he's gone through alone, and I won't leave him again... but... I don't want him to hate me"  
"Keith. It's not your job to..."  
"I know I can't take the pain away. What I want to know is how I can help him when he's having a panic attack or he's scared. What I know isn't working, and it seems like they're getting worse"  
"Then you need to talk to him. Help identify his triggers and help him see you're not going anywhere"  
"He's scared I'll hate him"  
"If he didn't care for you, he wouldn't be scared. Do you think he's a danger to himself?"  
Keith bit down the bitter laughter that welled in his chest  
"Maybe? I don't know"  
"If he is, then you really should talk about whatever's wrong. If he doesn't open up to you, see if you can get him talking to his family? Veronica can take leave"  
Bringing more people into this was only going to make Lance shut down more. His crush always automatically jumped to thinking himself a burden. Bringing his family in was only going to make his anxieties worse  
"No. I better go. I still need to take a shower and change"  
"Alright then. Call me if anything changes. No matter what the time is. I'll try and get some information out of Hunk about how Lance was when we were gone, and how he was on Earth. Lance's family adores him"  
"Don't make too much fuss. Lance isn't going to like any of this"  
"Keith, I know how to be discrete"  
"Right. Do I need to bring up that time you and Adam were in the tea-"  
"Nope. It's fine. Goodnight, Keith!"  
"'night, Shiro"

Keith wasn't sure if he felt better for having talked to Shiro. He'd betrayed Lance and still wasn't sure that Shiro had given him advice worth using. Rising out his chair, he clicked his fingers for Kosmo to follow him. His left hand moving to rest of his wolf's head as they made their way through his ship and to his quarters. Keith's own anxieties were starting to flare. The voices in his mind dreaming up all kinds of horrible ways things could go if Lance was still awake. He could leave things until they reached the Telula, but he knew he'd be a mess if he did. He needed to know what Lance had heard, and to make sure Lance wasn't crying his eyes out secretly while Keith left him to suffer alone. Opening the door to his room, he found Lance sitting upon his bed, his communicator laying in front of him as he read some document that it was projecting. Smiling slightly, Lance closed the document  
"We can't be there yet"  
"We've barely left the planet, so no. I just wanted to make sure everything was ok back here"  
"It's fine. What did Shiro want?"  
There it was. Lance was jumping right into the conversation. It took less than a tick for the white lie to begin rolling off his tongue  
"Oh, he had a nightmare. He wanted to make sure I was actually alright"  
Lance visibly relaxed at the idea of Shiro reaching out to him, rather him running crying to Shiro  
"Nightmares suck. Is that why you were crying?"  
Lance had noticed he'd been crying? A small part of his pride felt wounded for having been caught  
"Old memories. We all suffer with the memories of what we went through fighting as Voltron. Shiro still gets, though I think they've gotten better as he has Curtis now. He's been able to open up about it all"  
Nudging the subject, Lance sidestepped it effortlessly  
"They're good together. That's good..."  
"Yeah. I'm happy for him. Adam would be too. They always got on really well, but when Shiro wanted to go to Pluto, Adam had a hard time. He was sure by the time Shiro came back, his disease would have progressed so far that Shiro would barely be the man he loved. He'd have stayed with him to the very end. Curtis said he regretted the way it ended. Adam let his jealousy over Shiro choosing to spend the last few quality months in space instead of with him, get the better of him in the moment. Curtis really helped. He talked him through everything that happened with Adam. And of course, that whole family loves him"  
"It must be nice to be loved like that... to have someone who has faith in you until the very end"  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."  
He didn't mean to make Lance think of Allura leaving. He just wanted Lance to know that it was ok to reach out to him  
"You did nothing wrong, Mullet. What else did he have to say? I heard you yelling"  
"Oh. He wanted to know what we were up to and how you were. I... ugh said I wish I could stay and help you..."  
Lance snorted. Moving his comms, he started making a show of settling down for his nap  
"I believe Shiro said to "tell me how you feel". What does that have to do with sticking around?"  
So Lance had been listening... had he heard more than that?  
"There's the Blades and that to think of. But I'm tired of relief missions. You're out here making a difference, and I was thinking its time for a change..."  
Waving a hand at him, Lance climbed under the thin blankets  
"In the scheme of things we're barely making a difference. Space is too big to help everyone, and not everyone wants help"  
"Lance..."  
"It's still Leandro. We still need to be careful, especially with comm signals. You never know who's listening"  
No one was quiznakking listening. He'd called Shiro on his Blade's comm. The signal was encrypted.  
"Leandro. I'm serious"  
"So am I. Remember what I told Bob? You're the future. You can do more things by being on Daibazaal than you can out here"  
"But we could pool our resources. We could take on more missions..."  
"Keith, there are planets that actually hate Voltron. Did you know that? People blame us for disappearing. People died when we went to Earth, and during those seven months. We fought so hard, yet they hate us. I like working without a face. Without people knowing I used to be a Paladin. Most people see Voltron and Earth as this holy beacon of hope, but then there are those on tiny little planets who curse our names. They'd never take aid from the Red Paladin, but they will from a rebel faction. They will from Leandro. Can you stop being a Blade? You can't, can you? You need to keep moving, that's just the kind of person you are. I'm not going to ask you to stay and hold my hand. I don't need it held. I don't want it held. I like what I do, and I'm going to keep doing it. I also like napping, and I'm going to do that now"  
"Leandro... what if I want to stay?"  
"Then you have rocks in your head. No one would stay if they knew anything. Go clean your knives or something. Maybe take a nap? You didn't show me the other quarters so you'll have to suffer losing your bed"  
Keith balled his fists  
"I've missed you. I've missed this. Us. Being a team"  
"We made a great team. But I don't know if we can ever work together like that on a permanent basis again"  
Why not? It'd been fun creeping through the giant black building, elbowing each other and whispering as they did  
"I..."  
"You don't have to say anything. It's how things are now. Wake me when get to the Telula"  
"No. You don't get to say all of that without listening to me"  
Lance raised an eyebrow at him  
"What you did today was reckless. You could have been hurt. We could have been hurt. Then you act like it's all ok because we survived. It's not ok Lance. I don't know what's going on with you, and you keep coming close then pushing me out. I know I messed up as your friend. But you messed up too. Do you know how much it hurt that you didn't tell me you were out here? I was the only one thinking you were finally free and happy back on Earth with your family! You were my best friend. The one person I could trust to have my back. Now you're hurting yourself. You're lying. You have nightmares and won't let me help you. Why can't you just let me in? If it was me, you'd be saying the exact same thing, so stop looking at me like I've grown an extra head!"

Well. That happened. Lance glared coldly at him  
"What do you know? What do you know about what happened? You don't know anything because you left!"  
"What? Voltron? I left to find my mother"  
"And I was happy for you, but..."  
"Are you seriously holding onto that? I thought we were ok?"  
"Gargh! You're not getting it. You don't know..."  
"I don't know anything, because you won't tell me anything! I care about you! I want to know what's going on! I want to help you"  
"You can't, Meteor. So just drop it. I told you I would explain after we visit the prison"  
"Meteor. My name is Keith. And you're Lance. I know... I know you were tortured"  
Lance gaped at him, before shaking his head as he echoed Keith's earlier move by drawing his knees to his chest. Resting his head on his knees, Lance sighed softly  
"I wasn't tortured"  
"Lance"  
"I wasn't tortured!"  
"Then..."  
"A lot of stuff happened ok. Between you, me and Allura. I can't tell you, but... whatever you have in mind, isn't what happened"  
"Then tell me"  
"I can't. Not yet"  
"Why not?"  
"Because I can't... why do you have to be so goddamn smart? Why did you even have to come find me to begin with? Things weren't great, but I... I didn't feel like a child with a babysitter"  
"I'm not trying to babysit you"  
"Really? You suddenly want to stay. You want to work here. You think we can do things better with you and your team around. Our ways aren't perfect, but we get the job done"  
"That's not it at all... I've missed you"  
"You might have missed me, but I was finally free. Free of Earth. Free of my family. Free of you and Shiro always being better than I am. Free of being the stupid, useless, unwanted Paladin who was only ever a place holder for you. I was free of all of that. And now you're back, and I don't know what to do. You've been trying so hard not to blurt out everything you just did, and now we're like this. I was... ok"

"You were never useless"  
"You weren't there"  
"Then tell me!"  
"I had no one when you left! Kuron wasn't exactly the nicest of people you know. I wasn't what he wanted. Every single thing I did was never ever good enough for him. I spent months thinking that Shiro hated me. Months with him telling me how I fail in comparison to you. I spent months being pushed away by all of them! Even Coran was over me. I was so excited you were coming back, then you came back with your awesome space mum and Kosmo. I worked my arse off trying to reach your level, only for you to be in a whole other league, and for me to be once again in your shadow. I was only promoted because left the Garrison. I was only promoted in Voltron because Shiro was missing. Red should have been yours. And when I tried to point this out, you tell me to leave the maths to Pidge. I never felt enough when we were in Voltron. I simply got better at hiding it. So forgive me if I want something for myself for a change. If I like my job. If I like my team. But between you all treating me differently because Allura was dead, Earth no longer being the place I held dear, and everyone at home giving me shit because they couldn't believe a fuck-up like me actually did any of the things the others did, I needed out. And I found out that even without the Galra forces, the universe is a pretty shit fucking place to exist in. I really thought it would be different with you. That you wouldn't push. You wouldn't force my hand. That maybe you could see past all my failures and be my friend. But you can't, can you?"

"I am your friend. You're my best friend. You're everything, Lance. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see how much you mean to me? Why do you think it hurt so badly to know you didn't tell me you were out here? I..."  
"Then where were you? Would you have come to Erathus just to visit me for me? Or would you all have kept talking about me behind my back?"  
"I would have..."  
Stray tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn't want to hear any of this. That tiny thread of trust had snapped so loudly that it'd taken his breath away. Lance... Lance could never love him the way he loved the Cuban. Not when he was still grieving over the loss of his childhood being stolen away. Not when he couldn't see how amazing of a person he was. All of these fears, he'd thought them gone. Lance had been good. He thought he was alright. Now he found he'd been stupidly blind to Lance's pain all along. He loved the stupid bastard with all his heart, but Lance... he hated him  
"You would have had a mission. Then another mission. Then another. That's how it works. It's how it works for everyone. None of us have time. We never had time when we were in the castle. We were simply stuck there. I missed my family so much. I used to daydream of returning to find Earth how we left it. I'd daydream we'd all sit around having drinks on Varadero beach. My family would have cooked up a massive feast. All my aunts and uncles, and cousins, and my nieces and nephews would be there. All of this would be left out here. We'd joke and talk about our time up here, and we'd all be happy. I was so stupid. I believed it. I believed we were doing the right thing, but since Red left, I don't know anymore"  
"I didn't... Lance..."  
"It's fine, Keith. You didn't know. No one knew. No one bothered to know. I was never a great Paladin, but I felt good doing this. You should probably go. Before I make things even worse"  
"I don't want to... I... you're my best friend"  
"Things change Keith. I've changed. You need to move on. Now, I'll help you with Guile, but after that, I don't think we should keep in contact. You're asking something from me that I can't give anymore"  
"How do you know?"  
"Because I'm not the same person I was before Allura died. I'm... different from the rest of you"  
"You're still Lance"  
"Somedays I wonder about that"  
The mumbled reply was low enough that it might have gone unnoticed by human ears  
"You're still Lance to me. My right-hand man. The guy who wasn't afraid to pull me into line when I messed up. The guy who loves garlic knots, standing in the rain and being dopey with Kosmo. When I look at you, I can still see all of that"  
"Then stop looking at me. Stop making this all so hard... I can't... I can't deal with this with you here"  
"So you really want me to go?"  
Keith's heart was breaking with each passing tick of this conversation. Lance knew what he felt for him. The way he looked at him, with such pity. He knew he held Keith's heart in his hands, and he knew just hard to squeeze to leave him broken but not dead  
"It's not what I want. It's what I need. Maybe out there somewhere, in all those alternate universes, things are different. But right here. This is me. I need to do what I need to do, for me"  
That heartbreak bloomed to anger. Keith unable to take it  
"You're a fucking hypocrite! You would throw yourself into any situation if you thought it could help! I want to help you! I want to be there for you! Even if all it is, is to listen to you talk about your nightmares or give you a hug when you want to cry. You mean too much to me for me to walk away! You're cruel, Lance..."  
"I'd rather you hate me than waste your life on something like me"  
"Isn't that for me to decide?"  
"Not when I know the price of what you're asking. I think we need a break. I can't keep doing this. I heard you and Shiro... I'm not a project for both of you to fix"  
A project. Lance wasn't a fucking project. He was goddamn work of art  
"Doing this?! You're not doing anything! You're over there, acting like I'm not capable of knowing what I think or feel! Fine. Fuck you. I'm sorry I gave two fucks about you, and how you're feeling. I'm sorry I fucking cared about you when you obviously don't care for me. Fuck you! I don't need your deadbeat arse! Go swallow down those pills and see who cares about you when you end up dead!"

It wasn't Keith's finest moment. The words flying out before he could stop them. Fucking smiling at him, Lance just... just went about turning away from him like Keith hadn't said anything at all. He wanted to shake him by the fucking collar. Shaking his head, Keith turned to kick the closest wall before storming out the room. Why hadn't he dropped it? Why had he kept pushing? He'd been keeping his tongue. He'd been trying to keep it all together. Lance had promised after the mission... he'd promised. And then... screaming "Fuck" as loud as he possibly could didn't make him feel any better. He shouldn't have called Shiro. He shouldn't have pushed. Lance didn't love him. Lance knew he loved him and he didn't want him. He preferred hallucinations of Allura and drugs that were ruining every part of that stupidly perfect Cuban package... Fuck Lance. He was going to fucking help him whether he liked it or not. He already hated him, so it wasn't like things could get any worse.

*  
Returning to the Telula, Daehra and Lucteal were waiting for them. Lance was off towards the bridge the moment Kosmo teleported them aboard, leaving Keith standing there in silent determination. Good. If Lance was busy, he wouldn't be down their end of the ship. Shooting him a glare, Lucteal began to jog after Lance, while Daehra looked to him with wide eyes  
"What happened? You are both upset?"  
"We talked"  
"Keith. It has been a long time since I felt that level of pain from Leandro. You did not simply talk, did you?"  
"Fine. We fought. Which I don't want to talk about right now"  
"It is not healthy to keep it all inside"  
Keith barked out a harsh laugh  
"Tell that to him. Wait. He won't listen. He'd rather shoot himself up with all those fucking drugs"  
"BBK... What has he told you?"  
"BBK" he was sick of it. Why couldn't they call him Keith? His name was Keith. Daehra was only serving to worsen his mood  
"Nothing. He won't tell me anything. Oh! He wasn't tortured... He said that much. But I suppose you all are having a good laugh at my cluelessness. Clueless Keith who's been in love with Lance for years, and Lance who knows all this but doesn't want him"  
"It's not like that. Leandro..."  
"His name is Lance! He's always going to be Lance. I don't care what he's calling himself. He's Lance..."  
"You do not understand. Not when it is so clear you wish to help and he does not know how to trust any longer. Lance was not only tortured. My brother and I, were born to the king's concubines. And not of Royal bloodline. He told us to wait as he went in to retrieve her. He got our sister for us. When we recovered him, he was covered in blood. He was bloodied and they were dead. The pain in his heart was nothing compared to the physical suffering he went through. A few movements later he fell ill, for only a few quintants. His cycle started again and scared him. I know you disapprove of the way he copes, but he holds so much pain. He is willing to throw himself away for everyone else. The police came and employed him to catch those they couldn't. The money he makes he sends to his home. Or he buys supplies for those in need. To help those hurt by those we hunt down. The money we make, we don't take a big amount. We are self-sufficient and help who we can. I... I have over spoken. When he is ready, he will come to you. He cares for you deeply. Many nights he carried for you in his nightmares. You and this Allura. Begging for you and begging for her to go. Whatever you are planning, please consider this"  
"Carried"? Daehra must have meant "crying". The thought of Lance's tears in the lonely small hours of the night was like a cold shower over his burning anger. Lance said he hadn't been "tortured", while Daehra had said he hadn't "only been tortured". He did want him... Daehra didn't seem the type to lie  
"I don't know what to do anymore"  
"I will speak with Leandro"  
"I don't think he's going to be too happy talking about me. He heard me over talking with the captain of the Atlas. I think he thinks I've betrayed him..."  
"We shall speak. It's best, for now, you go rest. You are exhausted, yes? I can feel it coming from you. Do not worry for him tonight"  
"Thanks, but it's not like I can turn off how I feel"  
"I will speak to him. Now go rest. Welcome back to us, Keith, and you Kosmo"  
Kosmo wagged his tail, before dropping down to expose his belly and wriggling on his back. Daehra stepped away from the idiot mutt, looking unsure as she did  
"It's fine. He wants pats. He loves love"  
"He's... so big"  
"You don't have large animals where you come from?"  
"We have... small animals. They were mostly wiped out when our planet was invaded thousands of years ago"  
Keith nodded, hating that he understood  
"You can pat him as much as you like. He's Lance in dog form"  
"Leandro does not like to be touched"  
"When I knew him, he loved it. He loved physical contact. He always loved hugs the most"  
"Maybe you could hug him?"  
Lance would probably kill him if he tried to hug him after their fight. He'd at least be as confused as Quiznak over it  
"I don't think he'd be receptive. Can I ask you one more question before I go? You referred to La-Leandro's cycle. What do you mean like that?"  
Daehra wrinkled her brow  
"His cycle? Bleeding when conception does not occur. He said it wasn't uncommon for some males of your species to do so. I believe his cycle took him by surprise. His medication now prevents such bleeds"  
His what now...? Lance was bisexual, but he knew for a fact he didn't have the reproductive system of a female. They'd messed around with the castle's scanners enough to know that. Coran would have insisted on talking about non-stop, or having Lance down in the med room for a million scans  
"Ah. Right. Ok. Thanks, Daehra"  
"Have a good rest, Keith"

Keith's head was spinning as he made his way to his quarters. Lance had been tortured. He'd looked at him lied. No. He hadn't told the full truth. No wonder Lance was so jaded about everything. He'd been hurt. Hurt and bleeding. Convinced he'd come back wrong, and had no one to talk about the changes happening within his body. Given their earlier fight, he couldn't ask him. What was he going to say anyway? He'd have to leave it to Daehra. She was female. Softer than he was. And she knew if Lance was lying or not, with her special senses. She'd cleaned him up and cared for him, from the sounds of it. Why would Lance be bleeding down there? No. He couldn't remember it happening ever while they'd been Paladins. He was suffering from an information overload. He needed to work all of this out from the start. He needed to write it all down and start from the start. He'd honestly been prepared to punch Lance for the shit he pulled, the Daehra had pulled the rug out from under his feet and now he was getting swept away all over again. He could never really leave Lance. Not again. Lance might think differently, so until he realised otherwise, Keith was going to awkwardly shove his affections on his friend. Starting once their mission was over. He was going to take him away from this all, and they were really going to talk about it all. Not as whatever weird code name Lance came up with. Not as Paladins. As friends where one had been so sickeningly in love with for years, and the other needed someone who was prepared to take the good with the bad.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insert foreboding music.
> 
> Actually, there were three different ways I wanted this to play out... so we got option b and c combined.
> 
> All the previous chapters have now also been edited and should read better.
> 
> On a third point, I'm sorry I upset whoever deleted their bookmark... But thank you to those still here and who have made it this far. Next we're gonna get some Lance POV from probably after Allura day and how he ended up in space...

Lance didn't mention their fight, if anything he acted like it never happened. Lucteal had been less civil, taking a swing at him when Keith had gone to the dining area for breakfast the following morning. Taking hold of the thrown fist, Keith had flipped Lucteal down to the floor with such ease that it was laughable. The few team members in the space all seemed to suddenly have elsewhere to be, while Keith calmly collected two servings of goo and found a seat towards the back of the space. Lucteal rose to brush himself off, his face reddened with embarrassment. Stalking from the space to leave he and Kosmo alone, Keith failed to see how he was to blame for Lucteal's bad mood, or whatever had happened between him and Lance. He knew feelings were irrational. He knew it all too well. He'd written down everything he'd seen and learned since being reunited with Lance, and now had a strong idea of all he'd been through. He could understand why Lance would be hesitant to ask for any kind of help. Why he'd be struggling with those voices of anxiety and those nightmares. Now, he held his tongue. Watching Lance's every move upon the Telula. A few more quintants and they'd be at the prison. Then Lance would finally let him in.

Those quintants seemed to take forever to pass. Lance was making plans that he wasn't part of. Daehra spent her time casting glances between them, attempting to silently encourage either of them to make a move. Lucteal had glued himself to Lance's side. He'd gone far enough as to sneak into Lance's room in the middle of the night. Lance had rather loudly thrown him out. Lucteal begging to be let in, or to send Keith away. Neither happened. Lucteal still not taking the hint that "no" actually meant "not now, not ever". It wasn't like Keith enjoyed watching Lucteal fall apart due to his unrequited love, buuuut, it did make him wonder if Daehra was right. That Lance actually did care for him and wanted him like Keith loved him. Making it through to the morning of the mission, Keith found himself dressed rather ridiculously. As the "prince" of Daibazaal, Lance had sent Daehra to help him dress in something more fitting of the role. His blade uniform replaced by one of the Telula's black bodysuits, then by another bodysuit that felt like overkill but was allegedly fireproof. Finally was a black earth styled suit, with a white formal shirt. Keith drawing the line at the black tie provided. He didn't love suits. They reminded him too much of funerals and being left behind. As it was, he was struggling with the overwhelming scent of Lance on the fabric. That same salty ocean spray was doing all sorts of things to him inside. Thankfully the bodysuit prevented him from popping a boner the moment he was surrounded by Lance's scent, though it was still awkward when the alien helping you dress was blushing red as she knew exactly what he wanted to do to Lance. The last part of his outfit was a small camera that Zak had designed not to be detectable. Keith wasn't as sure as Daehra was as she tucked it under his collar. It was closed circuit, so anything recorded would only exist upon the device. 

Dressed from head to toe like someone who was definitely not him, he wasn't happy to find he was the only one looking like a moron. Lance was dressed in his own uniform, with his face already hidden behind his mask. In his hold was a ridiculously large gun and a thick white comms sat on his wrist. Keith hadn't been allowed anything that could be detected. Even his precious blades were left behind. Letting out a long whistle, Lance looked to Daehra  
"You did a good job. Now, is he ready?"  
"Yes. Are you sure you wish to proceed with only the two of you?"  
Keith kept his displeasure hidden. Wasn't Daehra supposed to be on his side here when it came to Lance?  
"I called ahead to notify them that the "Heir of Daibazaal" and his personal bodyguard would be arriving. They're only expecting the two of us. All weapons and comms need to be left with them, but they'd expect me to be armed anyway"  
When did Lance have the time to call ahead? He'd definitely missed that  
"His camera is under his collar. It's set to start filming the moment you're through the magnetic fields"  
"Thanks, Star. And the pod?"  
"All set. I've uploaded the extrapolation for crossing the fields. You have a three dobosh window between the fifth and sixth wave. It's the longest time you'll have"  
What now?  
"Yeah. I looked over the data last night. Once we're in, time will move differently"  
"Leandro, we have discussed this. The rendezvous coordinates have been input already. The only thing left is for you both to leave. Kosmo is awaiting you"  
"Do I not get to know what's happening?"  
Lance rolled his eyes. Even with his face covered, Keith could tell  
"Yes, Mullet. You've made the request to inquire if Guile has been brought in, and if so, on what charges. Well, you came to me with the request and I've filed for permission to visit the facility. You've been granted access to meet with facilitators on the main outpost of the facility. I've already had a copy of Guile's file printed, as well as forwarded what was relevant to the commander of the outpost"  
Why was he only now hearing about this outpost? And why hadn't Lance shown him what he was up to? Explained things to him, so he didn't seem like an idiot in front of everyone  
"I thought we were going to a prison satellite"  
"You need to go through the outpost to get to the satellite. It's not that complicated. We'll be leaving now. Keep an eye on Telula for me"  
Daehra nodded, Lucteal kept scowling at the world  
"We shall"  
"Right then. Keith let's go before we miss our opening"

Instead of taking Keith's ship, and given Lance's pod had been blown up, Lance led them down to another pod on the right side of the ship. Ignoring the fact Lance had to slam the airlock between the Telula and the ship four times for it to close properly, then hold it closed with his foot as it locked into place, the small pod was kind of nice in its own way... was what he would have liked to have been able to say. It looked like a flying death trap, and Lance was way too happy about it all. Plopping himself down in the pilot's seat, he fussed over Kosmo like he hadn't seen him in years. Kosmo yipping and jumping around happily, his whole body wagging as he tail went flat out  
"Uh, not to nitpick, but is this ship going to make it?"  
"This is Daehra's pod. It's been through a lot, but she's still going"  
Patting the dash, the whole pod seemed to shudder as the engines whirled to life. Keith grabbing the pilot's chair before throwing himself down in the chair beside it  
"That doesn't mean it'll make it through these magnetic fields"  
"It's not overabundant in tech. So the fields won't be messing with the systems like it would if we took the Telula"  
"I'm not sure if I understand what we're going to be flying through"  
Climbing into his lap, Kosmo whined at him as the pod was disengaged with a shudder  
"Do you remember how the original Blade headquarters were hidden. The opening only available at certain times, on certain quintants? Think of what we're going to like that. Time moves differently in there, and between the magnetic interference, the asteroid belt and the weird rotation of the planets around here, it all comes together to act as added security in case of something going wrong on the other side"  
"Oh... so we only have to get through all of that, then that's ok then. Have at it..."  
Lance snorted, moving to take the controls into his hands  
"We sent a sensor ahead. It's been monitoring variables while we were sleeping. Ren'at worked with Zak overnight to perfect things"  
Keith nodded, with no idea who that was  
"Ren'at is the AI Zak wrote. Seriously, if he and Pidge ever got together... the universe would be a hell of a lot scarier than it is now"  
"Worse than when Hunk and Pidge would nerd out?"  
"Think of that on steroids. He's part Olkarion or something. He can interface with like anything. Not that he brags about it. I really lucked out when we busted him out"  
"Busted him out?"  
"Mmm... got himself into a scrape that would have seen him locked up. I was supposed to apprehend him and bring him in"  
Lance offered the comment offhandedly, his focus now on piloting as they moved from the Telula  
"What did he do?"  
"What you did. Kind of. Uploaded software where he really shouldn't have. Nothing malicious. He just helped out a rebel group who'd got themselves in trouble. It deleted photos and locations of other rebels. Not like you who downloaded the clubs specifications for no good reason"  
"Hey, it wasn't for no good reason"  
"Mhmm. And what good reason did you have for starting a bar fight?"  
Keith opened and closed his mouth, pouting as he leaned back  
"I wanted to see you but didn't know your room number"  
"That makes everything ok then"  
"Maybe if you'd told me you were on Erathus, I could have come by without the need to use Kosmo"  
"Or maybe I would have been working"

Awkwardness kicked in when Keith failed to reply. He liked this side of Lance's job. He didn't like the side that had strangers between Lance's long caramel legs where they didn't belong  
"I don't want to fight. It's a long enough trip out there as it is"  
"Have you been out here before?"  
"Yep. Well. Once. Once as a passenger in the back of a police ship. Usually, the police take care of it. Depends how close we are, though I haven't taken Daehra's pod through it before"  
"I don't know if this ship is going to make it"  
"It survived Lucteal and Daehra in here. As well as their sister, and myself. If it can survive Luc and Dae, it can survive anything"  
"They're... an interesting pair"  
"That's what happens when you come from a large family"  
"Daehra mentioned they were "illegitimate""  
"Oh. She told you that? Her father is the king of the planet she comes from. He has a whole harem there. When the Galra hit, they lost a lot. Not just their people and homes, but their animals and forests, the Galra even poisoned some of their water supplies. It messed with his head and he pretty much went about having as many children as he could to ensure his bloodline. They have 17 half-brothers and sisters. That they know of. Dae used to work in the palace taking care of the "proper" kids. Lucteal was raised in the royal household. The males were until the queen gave birth to a boy and they were all sent away. It's a messy situation. Lucteal and Daehra never really had anything for themselves. I did tell them I had no idea how things would play out and that they'd be safer at home, but they'd both dreamed of seeing more"  
"A bit like you? How you dreamed of space?"  
"Something like that. It's not what I ever thought it would be. I know we don't have much, but we make it work"  
"They're lucky to have you. You should have been Black Paladin, not me"  
Lance let out a sigh  
"That's not true"  
"It is"  
"No. Shiro had Black, but you stepped up. You didn't think you could do it, but you stepped up"  
"Then Kuron came back in Shiro's place. I can't believe Black didn't tell me"  
"Black didn't tell any of us. Neither did the other lions. All of Coran's scans failed to show it. We all thought he was Shiro"  
"You thought something was off, but we dismissed you"  
"I'm used to it. I come from a big family"  
"You should never have had to be used to it"  
"It's fine. Seriously. Big family and all that"  
"It's not fine, Lance. You're what kept us all together. You took care of all of us. Your team is lucky to have you"  
"Can we not do this again? We can talk about something else, but I need to concentrate"  
"Fine. But it's still true. They're lucky to have you. Anyone is lucky to have you"  
"You're making me blush, Mullet"  
"Doesn't make it any less true. And it's been a long time since I've had a mullet"  
"You'll always be "mullet" to me. With that red and white jacket, and that perpetual scowl. I get it now. We were all doing all we could to stay alive. I... uh... shouldn't have snapped at you over it all. Turned out I have more issues with Kuron than I thought" Keith sat up a little straighter in his chair, cautiously asking  
"Have you talked to Shiro about it?"  
"Nah. He wasn't him. I don't want to remember, really. So I don't know why I keep bringing it up. I probably look really lame right now"  
"I don't think you're lame"  
Keith knew exactly why Lance kept bringing it up. Whatever had transpired, Lance was comparing himself to Shiro mentally. He'd probably replayed what had happened to him, wondering how Shiro would have handled all of it as he too had been tortured  
"Thanks... you, uh, you look good in that suit"  
"Oh! Thank you. I'm not used to wearing one"  
"That's kind of obvious. Still, you'll have to get used to it"  
"Why? What for?"  
"For Shiro's wedding. I would bet GAC that you're going to be his best man, but it's not really a bet when it's a sure thing"  
"Don't remind me. At least it'll be a whole before he gets married"  
"Still. A suit really suits you. You've got the height for them"  
"Because I'm cooler and more grizzled?"  
Lance groaned at him  
"Why do you always have to ruin our bonding moments?"  
"Me? You said you don't even remember the first one"  
"I was blown up!"  
"You still managed to wake up and take that shot when we needed you the most"  
"Anyone could have made that shot"  
"Not after being in an explosion like that. You saved Coran without thinking"  
"And how many times have you nearly blown up?"  
"A fair few... some days I wonder how I'm still alive. I wonder how many of us came back... I couldn't have made it this far without the team. Without you. I wouldn't know how to live it with it if you hadn't survived"  
"Keith... I..."  
"You don't have to tell me. I keep fucking things up between us. You're my best friend. And I have so many things I want to talk to you about, but it's like, the words don't come out right when it comes to you"  
"Keith..."  
"I keep making a fool of myself. I know... I mean... I know that fear. You don't think you're ever going to open your eyes again. I... I'm just grateful you're still here. You're... you're like really important to me"  
Lance took a moment, Keith wondering what kind of expression his crush was making under his mask  
"Thank you. I need to concentrate..."  
"Alright. Let me know how I can help"  
"I will"

*  
Keith had thought they were going to die. First were the magnetic waves that had the pop groaning like it was being torn apart, then came the asteroid field, then stronger magnetic waves that left him feeling physically ill? before Lance guided them into a pocket of space that sent them hurtling towards the nearest moon so fast he'd torn the padding on the chair he was seated in, in shameful fear. Guiding them out of the dive, Lance released the controls in order to pull up a map on his screen  
"We're nearly there"  
"Nearly?"  
His voice came out as a squeak. Keith's stomach still doing flips as Lance tapped away on his comms to zoom in  
"The worst is over. Though, we get to do all that on the way back again"  
"Are you smiling?!"  
"You didn't have fun?"  
"Fun? I thought we were going to die"  
"Pfft. Like I would go to all this effort then let you die"  
"How should I know"  
"You could have at least said, I don't know, "good job not hitting those meteorites, especially when they started splitting up as we passed". Or something like that"  
"Something like that"  
Turning his direction, Lance clutched at his chance  
"As I live and breathe? Keith making a joke. I wish I recorded that"  
"You're an arse"  
"And the moment's over. You better get ready, 15 doboshes and we'll be there"  
"You used to like my jokes"  
"I didn't say I didn't like it. I said... you know what, nope. I congratulate you on your joke"  
"You're an arse"  
Lance laughed softly at him  
"Maybe. But I'm the arse who's your bodyguard. Don't forget that"  
"What are you going to do, shoot me?"  
"Don't tempt me. You're the most unarmed I've ever seen you"  
Biting back, Keith grasped the first thing that came to mind  
"I could kill you with my shoelaces"  
"Ooooh. Shoelaces. I'm so scared!"  
"You should be"  
"This I'd like to see"  
"I'm a Blade remember. Highly trained and all that"  
"Mhmm. I'll keep this in the back of my mind then"  
"Yeah. You do that"

Landing near the outpost, it was clearly of Galra origins. Hailed the moment they touched down. Opening comms on their end, Lance neatly rattled off his identification in a string of weird numbers and letters. Keith deciding he needed to have Daehra teach him what it all meant, especially when the voice on the other ends of the comms laughed. Granting them clearance, Lance thanked the faceless voice before ending the call. Climbing from his seat, he walked over to the middle of the as Keith followed at a slower pace. Rolling back a thin rug thing, Lance opened the hatch beneath to reveal a rusty looking box. Popping it open, he pulled out half a dozen small devices  
"Turn that camera of yours on. If we get separated, we'll meet back here"  
"What are you doing?"  
"They expect certain things to be on me when I'm scanned"  
"They do?"  
"Identification and stuff"  
"That looked like more than identification"  
"I said, "and stuff". Right. Don't fuck this up"  
Keith scoffed. How was he going to fuck things up? He barely knew what was going on. Covering the trap door back up, Lance moved to pat Kosmo  
"You need to stay here for me. Make sure that no one takes our ride. Daehra is rather attached to her pod"  
Kosmo yipped at him. His wolf far too happy to listen to Lance  
"Something to say, Keith?"  
"Not really. He's a traitor"  
"Awww. Kosmo. I'll still love you. You can come join my team. We have space for the bestest boy in the universe"  
"This is why he never listens to me. You spoil him too much"  
"You can't spoil him too much. What kind of heartless monster are you? Look at that face"  
Flopping down, Kosmo's tongue lolled out his mouth as he gazed up at Keith expectantly  
"You broke him"  
"I didn't break him. Now come on already. Tell him he's a good boy and to wait here"  
"Yeah. Yeah. Kosmo you're a good boy. Stay here for us"

Nudging Keith with his elbow, Lance was downright playful as they began the walk along the causeway from where they'd landed. Standing half a step behind him, Lance kept prodding him with the tip of his gun. Each time he jumped, Lance would hiss at him to "be the proper prince of Daibazaal" like that was his actual title. He'd already turned down leading Daibazaal. It Krolia and Kolivan managed to have a kid, he was more than happy to pass the role over to it. 

Reaching the doors to the facility, they were greeted by a tall slender Galra, and an alien of a race Keith didn't know  
"Welcome, Black Paladin Keith. Agent Leandro. My name is For, this is Niv. I understand you are enquiring over a missing operative?"  
Lance cleared his throat  
"Indeed. We are looking for information on an operative named "Guile". He was posing as a weapons buyer when he was taken. We believe he was wrongly detained due to the nature of his mission in Ghazex"  
"Before we can allow you further into this facility, we will need you to surrender all communication devices, trackers and weaponry"  
There was something about the Galra that was rubbing Keith the wrong way. He knew that this was an outpost, but if it was an international posting, where were the rest of the staff? Why was it just one plain Galra and one milky-grey alien with strange yellow slitted eyes? Keith wouldn't be surprised if the alien had a forked tongue to go with his whole reptilian appearance  
"Of course. Does Kre'el still work here?"  
The pair of aliens exchanged a glance  
"Not to our knowledge. They may be at the satellite. We had a rather problematic prisoner transfer in"  
Lance nodded slowly, Keith tried to catch his eyes but Lance continued to stare ahead at the pair  
"And the rest of the staff?"  
"Here and there. Let's get you logged in, then we can discuss your missing operative"

Moving into the facility, both of them had to pass through a scanner where Lance was relieved of his weaponry. It seemed to Keith that Lance could sense whatever he felt. This didn't feel right. The whole place was too silent, the only noise was the humming of the air filtration systems that seemed to Keith like they were barely working. Sweat had started to form under his bodysuit, beads rolling uncomfortably down his back as they continued on. Having barely spoken a word outside of pleasantries, Keith cleared his throat, trying to move the lump of uncomfortableness  
"Where are we headed?"  
"To the main control room of the facility. Prisoner lists are only accessible there"  
"Oh. Right... see much action here?"  
For snorted, Niv glaring at his companion  
"Not particularly. Unless there is a new prisoner, this is as interesting as it gets. Nothing like the days of Voltron, am I right?"  
"It wasn't all action"  
"Still. To hold that much power... and now you reside on Daibazaal?"  
"Yes. For the most part"  
The conversation dissolved again. Keith moving close enough for his arm to brush Lance's as they walked. Giving a tiny shake of his head, Keith wasn't sure how he was supposed to interpret the action. Was Lance telling him to behave? Or silently yelling at him to be on guard? Opting for option b, he straightened his posture, shifting his weight in preparation for whatever came next.

Reaching the control room, there were several other people there. A tall, commanding Galra with a nasty scar down the right side of his face, was standing behind a long control panel with a series of feeds pulled up on a holoscreen  
"Commander. We have brought the agent and the Paladin"  
Rounding the panel, the Galra seemed even larger as he came closer. Beside him, Lance swore softly in Spanish  
"I am Theore. Welcome"  
"I am Keith, former Black Paladin of Voltron. I am searching for a missing agent from Daibazaal"  
"I have reviewed the file. We have dozens of Galra held in our facility. It may take vargas to identify your agent"  
Rocking back on his heels, Lance's voice held a tone of forced friendliness  
"Then we should get started. Have you had many picked up in Ghazex?"  
"That information is classified. Even to such an agent. Leandro. Also known by LEA. 47 arrests. 11 assists. 16 deaths. 9 scheduled for rehabilitation"  
47 arrests... damn. He was falling for Lance all over again. His crush was far more bad arse than he gave himself credit for... wait... deaths? Lance had killed? 16 seemed far too high... that had to be team kills. Yeah. That was what it was... Scratching the back of his head, Lance shifted his weight  
"I didn't think we were up to 47..."  
Leaning in, the huge Galra growled  
"Are you suggesting our system is wrong?"  
Taking half a step back, Lance waved his hands  
"What? No. No. Nothing like that. I just get paid. I don't keep track of the numbers. Anyway... don't mind me"  
"We have made space for you to wait until the shuttle between the base and satellite returns. Niv. Please show our guests to where they can wait"

Leading them from the room, Niv showed them to an unremarkable grey and purple room. A camera facing the door, a solid-looking black chair, and an aura of unwelcomeness was all that waited for them. Leaving them to their own devices, Lance moved to sit, beckoning him over when Keith didn't move from near the doorway. Opening his mouth, Lance silenced him by bringing his finger up in front of his own. Forcing Keith to give in and go to sit beside him  
"Lan..."  
"Everything we say and do is being recorded in accordance with the station's order of operations"  
So it was best he held his tongue  
"Is it how you remember?"  
"Exactly"  
Shifting closer, Lance was shaking like a leaf. Placing his hand on his friend's knee, Lance jumped violently  
"Are you ok?"  
"Fine. I'm fine..."  
"Leandro... I can feel it"  
Lifting his hand off his knee, Lance held it firmly as he leaned into Keith's shoulder. Keith freezing like a statue at such an intimate touch from his skittish friend. Whispering, Lance spoke fast  
"This feels wrong"  
"If this is the prison for the area, why aren't more people working here?"  
"We passed through the magnetic fields... shouldn't the scanners have picked up if another ship had passed through? They would have left a radiation signature, right? The Telula has long-range scanners too. Zak would have notified me if something had passed by"  
"So this is a trap?"  
"I don't know. We can't act now. They wouldn't hold Guile here. He would have been processed and moved to the satellite movements ago"  
"Have you actually been in here before?"  
"No. Not inside. I was in the back last time. Someone had to sit there with the gun and look scary. They don't need to know that"  
"What do we do?"  
"Wait? We can't just be like "sorry guys, changed our minds, gotta get Keith home for dinner with his family""  
"We aren't armed. You gave them your weapons"  
"I gave them bad weapons. My blaster was the only thing worth having"  
"You suspected something?"  
"No. I suspected they'd want to check our weapons. What should it matter if they aren't great, if there's nothing to hide?"  
Keith drew his brow, trying to remember what Lance had taken from Daehra's ship  
"Just how far ahead did you plan this?"  
"It's kind of my job to be suspicious"  
"I heard. 47 arrests?"  
"Not all individually. When you catch 12 or so bad guys on a ship, that doesn't count as one"  
In theory that meant Lance could have simply dropped one ship off and been up to 47 in one go  
"Oh, you secretly got lucky?"  
"Real fucking lucky. They were supposed to have processed Guile's information by now"  
"Yeah. Well. This is all we can do for now. Though, I'm not completely sure why we're cuddling"  
"This isn't cuddling. This is me being close enough to whisper without being overly suspicious about it"  
"How do you know they can't pick up your whispers?"  
"I don't"  
"That doesn't fill me with faith"  
"What would you do then?"  
"Hole up and wait. We could get into the vents"  
"I've had enough of vents. Beside, camera"  
"Don't you have some fancy tech you knock it out with?"  
"And tip them off? That's being reckless, Keith. Honestly, I expected better of you"  
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"  
"Not particularly. But what else can we do? Neither of us has been in here. For all we know, we could be feeding off each other's anxieties over the whole thing"  
"If we are, we're not telling anyone"  
Laughing softly, the sound was music to Keith's ears. What he wouldn't give to pin Lance down and tickle him into fits of laughter... and what the hell was thinking a thing like that for right now?! Nudging him with his knee, Lance playfully replied  
"Deal. You can have your hand back now"  
Glancing down to where Lance's smaller covered hand sat in his, Keith didn't particularly want to let go  
"It's fine"  
"Aww. Do you like holding my hand?"  
"Yes"  
Lance groaned at him, suddenly tensing  
"Keith..."  
"I feel like something bad is happening in your head right now. I don't mind holding your hand"  
"You're so weird"  
"Maybe. Consider it payback for not telling me how bad arse you are"  
"I'm not a bad arse"  
"You are too"  
Forcibly removing his hand from Keith's, Lance moved away  
"No. I'm not"  
"No need to pout"  
"I'm not pouting"  
"Of course you're not"  
"Just sit there your royal pain in the arse"  
"I'll give you a pain in the arse"

Moving further away from him, Lance crossed his legs. Clearly, he'd gone too far... and now he didn't know what to say. At least whoever was listening had been forced to listen to him fucking things up further. Opening his mouth and praying something smart would come out, the door to the room they were in opened instead. Niv and For both standing there. Niv holding a blaster of his own, For wielding a scowl  
"Agent Leandro, we require you to come with us. There is an issue with your credentials. The Erathian government has requested we hold you until a representative can arrive"  
Keith looked to Lance, who had the nerve to shrug. They'd literally just been discussing this being a trap  
"Lance..."  
"It's fine"  
"Are you serious right now?"  
"Well. I kind of thought this might happen"  
"What?! Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because I'm your bodyguard. Not your friend"  
Brushing his hands free of invisible dust, Lance held his hands up he moved towards the pair. Leaping up, Keith grabbed his arm  
"Don't do this"  
"They're just doing their jobs. It'll be fine"  
Shaking the hold-off, Lance moved closer to Niv  
"What is he being accused of?! Isn't he one of you?"  
"Keith. You're not helping"  
"You're not seriously going with them, are you?"  
"It's fine"  
"How is this fine?!"  
"It's fine"  
Jerking his head slightly, Keith didn't get the message Lance was giving him. Sighing loudly, Lance stomped down on Niv's foot at he grabbed at the blaster, smacking him squarely in the nose then booting him in the crotch. When For when for him, Lance calmly shot the top of the Galra's boot off. Taking his toes with it. Howling in pain, Lance brought the butt of the gun down hard into For's temple, knocking him out. Recovering enough to go for him, Lance took the creepy alien out with a well-delivered blow to the back of the neck. Gaping at Lance, Lance sighed at him  
"Thanks for the help"  
"What happened to not tipping them off?"  
"Erathus can't come after me. I know too much... though they might have been slightly mad... that I didn't die and stuff"  
What the quiznak had he done?  
"If we were going to start trouble, why didn't you give me a weapon from the start?"  
"Because we weren't. If that camera's hooked up, they saw all of that"  
"Why can't we have simple missions? Go here. Do this. Come home?"  
Lance moved to pass the blaster to him  
"This was supposed to be simple. This is an official government facility"  
"Which we're hijacking?"  
"Not "hijacking", bypassing""  
"We're already here"  
Lance started jogging down the hall in the direction they'd come. Kicking both unconscious aliens lightly to ensure they were out cold, Keith started after Lance  
"In a place where something hinky is going on"  
"Did you really just say "hinky"?"  
"Yep. I stand by it"  
"Do you have any kind of plan?"  
"We knock these guys out, hop the pod to the satellite. Pretend everything is all good, then get the hell out of here"  
"Lance, that's a terrible plan. You don't even have a weapon. And, there's cameras"  
"Which we'll disable when we get to the control room. This place is way too quiet"  
"Who the hell are you?"  
"Just a guy in a bit of trouble?"  
"A bit?"  
"I didn't exactly know there was a warrant out"  
"Isn't that the kind of thing your team monitors?"  
"When we're in the area"

"There they are!"  
Standing at the end of the hall, the Galra commander whose name Keith may have already forgotten was coming at them. Grabbing Lance by the arm, he pulled him into the first room to their left. Stumbling over each other, Lance slipped on something. Letting out a moan, Keith slammed the door closed behind them before turning. What he saw took his breath away. People. Or what was left of them. Pieces were everywhere... with blood coating the floor. This was beyond "hinky". Trying to climb up, Lance slipped again, his hand leaving a bloody print along the metal table as he let out a miserable cry. With Theore yelling as he pounded on the door behind them, Keith grabbed Lance, pulling him down behind the table  
"Lance?"  
Taking Lance by the shoulders, Keith shook him lightly. He could understand the shock his crush was suffering. It felt as if the blood in the room was infecting ever fibre of the flimsy suit he was wearing  
"Lance?!"  
"No! Don't touch me!"  
They had about two seconds before whatever staff was on base came bursting through the door. Lance was out of it, now reduced to Spanish. He was in one piece, but they weren't going to stay that way if he didn't do something about the fact Lance had pissed everyone off.

Shooting Theore through the door, solved the immediate issue. How the Galra couldn't calm down enough to open the door, Keith didn't know, and holding a blaster didn't feel right. Lance was far better with the blaster than he was. Darting back down beside the Cuban, he found Lance had fled from the safety of the table to stand near one of the tanks of remains. The body inside kept alive by various wires. The exposed heart beating steadily as Lance reached towards the glass. The idiot had pulled his mask off, as he stood staring at the body. His eyes fixed on something Keith couldn't see  
"Lance!"

As tanks around them began to "pop" from blaster hits, Keith threw himself at Lance as he fired blindly  
"Lance, what's going on?"  
"Keith..."  
That was a start  
"Yeah, Buddy. Talk to me"  
"I'm going to be sick"  
And that was a problem. Pitching sideways, Lance threw up, as threatened  
"I need you to stay here. No moving. No wandering. Ok?"  
Shaking his head at him, Lance was being a stubborn shit  
"I don't have time to babysit you. They're coming for us! We can't help these people!"  
Death was the only end or release the mangled remains  
"You need to man up!"  
"I can't!"  
"Why not?! We're about three ticks away from joining them!"  
Waving a hand towards the tanks, Lance's anger flared up  
"Because I put them here! I put them here!"  
Moaning miserably in the next moment, Lance clutched his hair as he tried to draw his knees up. Well. Fuck. Just... Fuck. Quiznak didn't come close to summing up how Keith felt about that  
"How do you know for sure? It could be anyone"  
"I know them"  
"How"  
"I..."  
"Lance, they're gone. Dead!"  
Screaming at him, the marks on Lance's cheeks flared to life  
"I know!"  
"How?!"  
Bellowing in his face, Lance continued his screaming before tapering down to soft sobs  
"Because he fucking raped me! He fucking raped me... he raped me... there's a tattoo on his arm... I thought he died before... they said he was dead"  
Keith literally saw red. Raising the blaster, he fired half a dozen shots into the tank. Covered in blood, Lance looked broken. Somehow he'd smeared it across his face, and down his suit, as he tried to huddle into himself  
"Lance... I..."  
"Don't touch me... please don't touch me... I'm sorry... Keith... I'm sorry"  
Raising his hands, Keith nodded. Lance had no reason to be sorry  
"I won't, but we need to keep moving"  
"I don't want to"  
"Lance, they're probably going to kill both of us"  
"Then go without me"  
"Don't be stupid"  
"I can't help it! I am stupid! Erathus was a fucking trap! Allura brought me back wrong! All of this is wrong! I'm wrong! I'm a freak! They should have fucking killed me! Why... don't you get this?"  
Because there was nothing to get?  
"Fuck this. Don't move"

Keith's heart was racing faster than his mind. His teeth bared as he ran through the tables. That thing had dared lay hands on his Lance. His Lance who wouldn't hurt anyone who didn't have it coming. His Lance, who'd they tortured and raped... He didn't even need his blade or the blaster as he threw himself on the first enemy he met. Grabbing both sides of aliens head, he twisted hard, snapping their neck before they knew what was happening. It felt as if his whole body was on fire as his anger consumed him. They'd hurt Lance. He never should have left him alone. He should have told him he loved him before all of this. It'd probably killed Lance inside each time he was touched. Each flirty joke. He... He couldn't process.

By the time Keith came back to his right mind, the small group of base workers that had come after them were all dead. Picking his way through the room to where he'd left Lance, Lance was staring at the drained tank. An alarm buzzing as a red light flashed above the broken tanks. Shivering hard enough for his teeth to chatter, Keith stripped off the bloodied suit jacket drape it around Lance's shoulders  
"Shhh. It's ok now. Don't look at it. Look at me"  
Wrapping an arm around Lance to pull him up, Lance pushed against him  
"Don't..."  
"I'm sorry. Please try to bear with it a little longer"  
"I'm d-dirty"  
"It's just a little blood. Some soap and water will clean that right up"  
He knew Lance meant he was dirty, but that was a load of shit. What had been done to Lance was revolting, but it was done to him without his consent. He was raped, and even if he felt dirty, he wasn't. Not to Keith. He did wish that the responsible parties were still alive, to dissect them himself. No. Dissection was too good. When Lance was unable to keep his legs up under him, Keith lifted him over his shoulder. Whimpering at being manhandled, Keith hushed him  
"Watch our backs, Sharpshooter"  
It didn't matter what Keith felt. Lance was terrified. And more than likely terrified Keith was going to treat him differently. Even if he wanted to wrap him up in cotton wool and kiss away his pain, treating him differently was his biggest fear. It fucking hurt to act like this was another small secret to squirrel away. Carrying Lance down the hall, he made the mistake of opening a door too soon, another room filled with parts met his eyes. These ones neatly stacked in row after row of glass drawers, floating in some kind of blue liquid. Closing the door, this place was all kinds of fucked-up. Hiking Lance up, his crush whined softly at him  
"I know. I'm sorry. Wrong door"

Two more wrong doors finally led to the right one. Carrying Lance into the control room, he showed no mercy to those still inside. He didn't even think about where his shots hit, only that the victims were too incapacitated to go after Lance. Lowering him down against the control panel, Lance started sobbing again. Dropping a kiss on his sweaty brown hair, Keith cursed himself when Lance let out a strangled kind of scream  
"I'm sorry. Shhh... I'm going to take care of things"  
Preferably by finding the bases self-destruction sequence. Placing his hand on the panels keyboard, Keith was locked out of the system. He didn't have any of his Blade tech on him, and Lance wasn't in any actual condition to help. Keith supposed it was the natural way to be when you come face to face with the man who'd raped you and found the people you were arresting and sending for imprisonment were instead being chopped up into pieces and forced to stay alive with mechanical intervention. It was quiznakkingly revolting. Keith unable to comprehend what Lance was thinking. He'd believed they were being shipped off to be frozen in pods. They weren't off and walking around like living beings, but his targets weren't dead either. The job he'd been so proud of had left him as little more than an intergalactic farmer, with humanoid beings the meat being sent to the butchers waiting.

Tapping the control panel turned to him slamming his hands down on the machine repeatedly. With an added kick for good measure when it continued to deny him access. Screaming at the house of Keith's shoe against the panel, Lance's knuckles were white as he clutched his hair. Long threads clinging to his fingers were chunks had been pulled out. Staying here was only serving to hurt Lance more. Squatting down, a jolt of blue shot from Lance's hand as he moved to take it. Snatching it back with a startled cry, Keith stared at the fresh blistered electrical burn scar on his hand, branching across his palm like a tree. Tearing off a strip of the thin not-so-white dress shirt, Keith carefully bandaged his palm. Hesitantly, he placed his hand on Lance's, relaxing minutely as when he wasn't zapped again  
"Lance, I can't get into the system. I can't do anything from here. We need to pull out and contact Daibazaal"  
"I can't, Keith"  
"Yes, you can"  
"I can't..."  
"Lance"  
"Leave me here"  
"Not going to happen"  
"Leave me alone"  
"Nope. Can't do it"  
"I don't want to"  
"Lance, it's only a little further"  
"I don't want to"  
"Don't" was grating on his nerves as badly as "can't" had  
"Lance"  
"I don't want to!"  
"I don't care! We're getting out of here"  
"I don't want to go"  
Hefting Lance up, Keith was prepared for the protesting arms as he smacked at him  
"Stop it"  
"Then put me down"  
"Not going to happen"  
"Don't you get it? I don't want to be alive. I don't want to. I don't want to be like this... I'm so tired of it all, Keith"  
"I know you're tired, but I refuse to leave you here"  
"I don't want to..."  
"Big grizzly Keith isn't going to leave you behind"  
Lance didn't laugh. Probably because there wasn't anything to laugh about  
"por favor... estoy sucio... muy sucio...  
"I don't know what you're saying, but I'm going to assume you're saying something stupid again. You're my best friend. I'm not leaving you in a place like this"  
Falling silent, Lance stopped his futile struggles, as he fell lax in Keith's arms. Tears continued to roll down Lance's ashen face as Keith picked the blaster up and cursed himself for not returning Lance to his shoulder. Blasters weren't made for firing when you had your hands full. Keith having to force Lance to an awkward hunched drag as they encountered more station soldiers as they left the control room.

"Estúpido... por favor... Mami..."  
Snippets of broken Spanish seemed to lodge themselves in Keith's ear as he forced the pair of them onwards. Lance felt like ice to the touch beneath his arm, yet there was nothing he could do for him. Making it to the front doors of the facility, he found them locked. The only solution being to use the blaster to smash the locking system, before plunging outside where Lance stopped responding all together. Cursing him, Keith hefted Lance back up onto his shoulder as he staggered onwards. Having carried Lance through the facility, the extra weight was starting to get to him. Lance was all skin and bones, despite the appearance of long defined muscles beneath his soft skin. Halfway between the facility and Daehra's pod, blasts began to shoot past them as someone from within the base roused. Bases like these usually had ridiculous mounted weaponry and shield capabilities which meant if they had the chance to boot them up before Keith reached the ship, they wouldn't be getting off this stupid planet in one piece  
"Kosmo! Come!"  
Yelling as loudly as he could, Kosmo teleported to meet them. Despite their deca-phoebs together Keith still couldn't explain their connection  
"Need to get on the ship. Lance is..."  
As Keith grabbed Kosmo's fur mid explanation, one of the blaster pulses grazed his left arm, thanks to suit it didn't burn his flesh, though it did feel like he'd taken a walloping to the area with lead bat. Kosmo was less than impressed as the surprise hit caused Keith to pull his hair mid teleport. Suddenly safe for the moment, the half-Galra placed Lance down in the passenger chair as he rushed to take control of the small pod. Distracted by his worry for his crush, Keith could barely focus as he fired up the engines. Daehra's small pod had to have some kind of firepower, but as the base slowly became smaller, he failed to find which switch it was. His worry for Lance had to be further pushed aside when the outstation began firing their laser cannons in their direction  
"Kosmo, protect Lance! This is going to get rough!"

In the heat of everything happening, Keith slightly forgot about the electromagnetic waves, taking a full hit from one that caused the pod's alarms to start screaming at him as he fought to control the craft. Looking to Lance, he found him unconscious with Kosmo sitting on his lap. It wasn't quite a seatbelt, but if Lance were to become airborne, Kosmo would save him before anything happened. Hitting on the back of the first wave, the second wave sent him flying into the asteroid belt. Lance had said everything was fine when he'd piloted earlier, so Keith had to assume this was why the passage to the base was only accessible at certain times. The belt seemed to be in orbit of the small planet or large moon where the base was. Unable to escape the forces of space, Keith killed the main engines, using the thrusters to gently perch them down on the back of a meteorite. He hated having to wait. To sit there completely fucking useless while the station scanned for the pod's presence. Going completely offline might help to keep them hidden, but it also meant the pod wouldn't be able to cycle oxygen. With a pod this size, two humans and a wolf to think of, Keith guessed at best they had 4 vargas of air. Probably more around 3... yet they could really do with a dose of optimism right about now. Lance needed a metric ton of optimism right now.

Climbing from the pilot's chair, Keith pulled off the remnants of his shirt before moving over to Lance. Stepped off Lance's lap, Lance was well and truly unconscious as he didn't so much as flinch when Kosmo placed a giant paw right down on his junk. Cringing in sympathy, Keith took Lance's face in his hands. He still felt icy to the touch. His marks had faded away to nothingness again. Keith was about to try waking him when he noticed how much blood was across Lance. If he was to wake Lance now, he'd send him into another fit of hysteria  
"Kosmo, can you find me a couple of water pouches? And a blanket?"  
Now that he knew what had happened, touching Lance while he was unconscious felt wrong. He wanted to treat him like he was the most precious person in the universe, but he didn't know if Lance could forgive him for helping him? He didn't want to live. He didn't want to be touched. He didn't want to... be. Too bad for Lance that Keith didn't think any less of him for what had happened. Keith was going to drag him back from the darkness within.

With the utmost care, Keith stripped off Lance's bloodied outer bodysuit. His friend's modesty covered by the thick black suit. Starting with Lance's hands, Keith wiped away every trace of blood he could, using the remains of his dress shirt as a rag as he did so. Specks had flecked up under the bodysuit, but with what Lance had said, Keith wasn't going to pry. He felt disgusted with himself for all the times he'd pushed Lance. All the memories he must have been stirring to the surface as Lance tried desperately to repress them. Almost forgetting they were being targeted by an angry bunch of maniacs, Keith moved to wipe the blood from lance's face and hair, long chunks of hair coming free under his gentle touch. To think he'd come back wrong, haunted by the leaving of Allura, then been raped... Keith was amazed Lance was even able to function at all. As Lance started to stir under his touch, Keith hushed him softly. Blue eyes rushing to fill with tears before Lance even opened them. Breaking his own new mental rule not to force intimacy upon Lance, Keith kissed his forehead gently  
"You're ok. We're ok... shhhh"  
Hiccuping out a sob, Lance reached for him, Keith immediately pulling him into his lap as Lance started to wail. Placing a hand atop the back of Lance's head, he hid the younger male's face against his neck as he started to rock him. The walls Lance had built were now crumbling down at the worst of times. His body feeling so small and fragile as each sob sent a tremor through him. Nuzzling into his hair, Keith pressed kisses to coppery smelling locks as tried to be everything Lance needed him to be in that moment. He still wasn't sure how they'd gotten there. One moment he and Lance were whispering conspiracy theories back and forth, and the next Lance was acting like a mad man as he took on the two clearly ready soldiers. He'd somehow missed the in-between where Lance had changed his mind about playing things cool. Hiccuping out a moan, Lance shook his head against him  
"Hey..."  
"Allura never loved me, did she? Who could ever love me?"  
Lance was scattered. Allura didn't even warrant mentioning at this juncture  
"She cared in her own way"  
"She didn't... no one did..."  
"I do"  
"She told me... the reason she was with me was because she was drawn to the part of her soul in me... she never loved me for me"  
"That's not true"  
"She told me... she's right here... I'm so tired, Keith... why won't she let me go?"  
"I don't know, buddy. I don't know, but I'm not about to let you go"  
Lance sobbed harder, Keith's ear copping his alternating shrieks and sobs as Lance let it all out, his crush finally settling on repeating "I want to die" between his cries as they started to taper out. Keith was almost grateful when Lance finally went limp in his hold again. He didn't know how to fix a heart so broken. He wasn't in an environment or situation he knew. Tilting Lance back his eyes were half-lidded, not fully unconscious, yet not with reality. Laying him down carefully, Kosmo sniffed at him  
"He needs all the love you can give him right now. He's a little upset, but we're going to get him through this. I need to focus on getting out of this asteroid belt"  
Kosmo laid out next to Lance, curling slightly to make sure every bit of himself that could be pushed against Lance was. When they reached the Telula, Keith was taking him away. He was taking him away from all this bullshit, and from the crutch "Leandro" had become. He was going to show Lance that being "Lance" was a pretty great thing to be.


	11. Chapter 11 - Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo here we go. A taste of Lance's POV. He'll talk a bit more when Keith finally makes him open up... so yep...
> 
>  
> 
> Also. I haven't edited this one yet. Stuff in real life is happening... and it's pretty yep.  
> Just yep.  
> Will edit probably tonight or tomorrow

Waking in a cold sweat, Lance groaned in disgust at soaked sheets beneath him. Every morning had been the same since Allura had left him behind. His dreams a never-ending world of darkness. No matter how much he called, no matter how far he ran, all that waited for him was the inky blackness of the astral plane. Scrubbing at his tired eyes, he sat up to see Allura perched on the end of his bed. She never left him alone  
"Good Morning, Lance"  
"Nope. Not doing this"  
Frowning at him, Allura rose to trail after him when Lance climbed out of bed. Since her death, he'd felt broken and lost. His body no longer felt the way it used to. A constant itch beneath his skin that he couldn't scratch no matter how hard he tried. The marks on his cheeks an ever-present reminder of the woman he'd loved, and the woman who'd left him behind. He knew her sacrifice was necessary, but she wasn't the one left behind to wonder every single day if things could have been different. When she'd died, he'd lost it. He'd planted field after field of juniper berries, foolishly praying she'd see his work and somehow come back to him. She never did  
"You can't ignore me, Lance"  
No. He couldn't ignore her. Her constant lingering presence was there, always living on the edge of his peripheral vision, despite the feeling that he had that maybe he needed to move on  
"I can and I am. You're in my head"  
"Lance"  
"You're dead Allura. You made it pretty clear what I meant to you. You're in my head. You know what you meant to me. I'm just a boy from Cuba and you... you were the princess of a whole planet... I should have known from the moment you said yes, that something was wrong"  
Hanging her head, Lance didn't know why he was bothering fighting with himself so early in the morning. When Allura had first appeared to him, he'd been excited. He'd thought maybe part of her had still lingered in the blue marks she'd gifted him when they'd parted. It hadn't been until three months after her passing that "Allura's gift" had revealed itself as the curse it was. Falling in, he'd realised this wasn't some usual illness. His scent had changed, his family constantly laughing and joking over the lack of personal hygiene he must have been forced to endure, given that he stank like he hadn't showered in a month. Embarrassed over such remarks, he'd showered three times a day, only for his family to remark he still stank. Aside from the change in his scent, a constant pool of desire seemed to have welled in his body. No matter how many times he jerked himself off, the feeling never passed. Fingers barely made a difference, his body crying out for something he couldn't understand as he locked himself away in embarrassment. The only way he could describe it was as if he was in "heat". He'd seen it dozens of times on the family farm. Bloodied discharge from their pet dog, yowling from the cats. The never-ending need to be bred. Between his legs was soaking wet with some kind of fluid, serving to mortify him further as he his beneath his blankets. But what was worse, was through all of this all he wanted was to see Keith for reasons he couldn't understand.

It wasn't like he didn't like Keith. Coming back from riding around on the back of a cosmic whale for two years had mellowed him into nearly an entirely different person. His happiness and confidence only served to remind Lance how chickenshit he was, and to remind him that Keith would never look at someone like him. Despite all his flirting, and self proclaimed title as a "ladies man", he'd long since realised he swung both ways. He was simply too scared to let anyone else see it, especially the team. It was awkward enough as it was. Nothing he ever did as a Paladin had been good enough. When Kuron had taken Shiro's place, he'd seriously believed the man hated him. Aside from the verbal taunting, the constant comparison to Keith, and the outright disregard of his ideas, each time they trained together had seemed to be an excuse for Shiro to hurt him. Naturally, it'd all been his fault. His fault he couldn't escape the chokehold. His fault he'd fallen when Shiro had kicked his legs out from under him with enough force that it felt like his knee had broken. He trained harder, but no one noticed. No one noticed as he improved on the training levels. No one noticed when his anxiety left him skipping meals. No one noticed when he wasn't in the room. Pidge was off with Hunk all the time. Allura was with Lotor. Coran was off... being Coran. Lance had no one, and at the time, no idea why Keith had stopped taking his calls. Sighing to himself, Lance opened his bedside drawer to fish out the small white bottle of painkillers that kept him functional. Between the nightmares, and general feeling something was wrong with him, painkillers were the only thing making things manageable. Red didn't like how much he was taking, his lion trying to take as much pain as he could, but there bond had never been as strong as the one he'd held with Allura. Lance had been honestly surprised that Red hadn't dumped his arse after they'd returned without Allura.

"Lance! Mijo! Breakfast!"  
"Coming Mami!"  
Quiznak. His mother would know the moment she saw him that he'd had another restless night. She'd picked up the pieces of his broken heart the best she could, but none of his family really understood. None of them believed what they'd been through as Paladins. None of them had known how to treat his nightmares, and none of them knew he'd died. It's taken ph-months to feel normal again. He was on Earth. It didn't matter than aliens from every sector of space lived on the planet now, he needed to get his brain back to Earth time. He needed to remember that his time in space was over. Snatching up a random shirt, Lance swapped it for the sweaty one he was wearing. With so many people in the house, it'd be another day without hot water for his shower... an unappealing thought given he'd felt constantly cold since Allura left. Just another thing wrong with this body of his.

Crowding into the kitchen, Lance jumped when Luis dropped his hand in his shoulder. Reacting without thinking, Lance swept his older brother's foot as his hand grabbed his wrist, only stopping when the fact it was Luis kicked in  
"Whoa! Someone's jumpy this morning"  
Snorting into her bowl of cereal Rachel waved her spoon in their direction  
"He's jumpy every morning"  
He loved Rachel. They'd been so close before he'd been shot into space in the Blue lion. Yet coming back to Earth it felt as if there was this invisible wall between him and everyone else. Smacking his sister on the back of the head lightly, his mother smiled warmly  
"Leave your brother alone. Mijo, you look unwelll"  
Rachel rolled her eyes at him, Lance ignoring her in favour of forcing a smile to his lips  
"I'm fine, mami"  
"You'd let us know if you weren't, wouldn't you? You should talk to that Coran of yours. It's not normal to be falling ill like you do"  
"Falling ill" was her polite way of referring his scent changed and becoming horny as hell over nothing  
"Hear that Lance, she thinks something's wrong with you"  
Smacking her upside the head again, Rachel let out an angry cry  
"Mum! I'm trying to eat!"  
"Leave your brother alone. He has a big day coming up"  
He did?  
"I don't see why he's going all the way out to Altea to remember the girl who chose death over putting up with his stinky socks"  
"Rachel!"  
Lance barely contained his flinch. It wasn't like he hadn't berated himself in a similar manner to Rachel... repeatedly...  
"Ugh. Fine. You love Lance more than the rest of us, we know "holier than though, Lance", can do no wrong"  
Gathering up her bowl, Rachel walked from the kitchen leaving his mother watching him as he slid into the free seat at the kitchen bench  
"Mami, its fine"  
"It's not fine. Especially not with Allura's anniversary just around the corner. Don't you worry, mijo. I'll talk to her"  
Oooh. Right. Allura day. For the last six months, Lance had been to Altea almost fortnightly. The constant back and forth becoming annoyingly normal. Especially when everything there some linked back to something that was in tribute to Allura. He couldn't escape her. Their house sat in a fields of juniper bushes that he hated with a passion. Even seeing his old team barely sparked a fire of interest in his blood. They had their weekly calls. Keith would usually call him in the dead of night for no real reason separately, but those calls had started to taper. Feeling his mother and brother staring, Lance hated knowing what they thinking. He knew they both worried about him. He'd overheard his family more than once whispering about their concerns over his mental health. Should they force him into counselling? Would pills help? Maybe they should think about contacting Hunk? Or would Shiro be better? And why didn't he want to go to space again? What was going to happen to the giant Red lion if Lance didn't want to go back to space? Did he really help save the universe? Was Lance even their son? That was his favourite one. Coming back with glowing blue marks he couldn't explain, someone had mentioned to his family along the line that Shiro had been a clone... He loved his family dearly, but Earth just wasn't his home anymore. No one surfed anymore. Malls and shops were now filled with all kinds of space tech as more and more aliens called Earth home. The places he'd loved so dearly had been wiped out by the Galra. Varadero beach was still a no go zone as pieces of contaminated Galra debris was fished from the water. His dreams of returning to find Earth untouched had been ruined. Hunk's parents forced to work as slaves. His own family thinking he was dead for years, thanks to Voltron magically disappearing for three years and not knowing about it  
"It's alright. Rachel is just mad because I won't let her use my face mask cream. Where's Papi?"  
"Already out milking the cows"  
Where he was supposed to be. Kalternecker had assimilated back to life on Earth seamlessly  
"I'll head out then"  
"Not without breakfast you won't. I won't have my boy being hungry"  
Kissing the top of his head, his mother then went about busying herself with serving him pancakes for breakfast. Her fussing never seemed to dim, not with each passing day since he'd returned. Lance was really in no rush to return to space, but he wasn't blind. His presence was causing all kinds of friction within their family. His nieces and nephews had seen him at an all time low, both crying when they hadn't been able to calm Uncle Lance from a panic attack caused by a car backfiring. His brother had put him to bed more than once when he'd come home then passed out on the sofa from trying to find a way to rid of himself of Allura at the bottom of a bottle. Nothing he did worked, and nothing could take away the lingering festering ache that his lack of belonging brought. It was time to find somewhere new, or even somewhere old. Somewhere he wouldn't keep hurting the people he loved the most.

*  
Allura Day came and passed. Seeing the team again had brought the memories rushing back. The more it hurt, the more he smiled. Keith looked so damn happy, and Lance's poor bi-heart couldn't take it. Keith had Axca by his side. He was the face of the new humanitarian works being carried out by Daibazaal, skipping Earth at his earliest convenience by the feel of it all. His friend had taken him out drinking to ease the pain, yet when Lance had woken the following morning, he found he couldn't recall the previous night at all. That was his story, and he was sticking to it. All he had was Keith looking adorable, half-naked and dead to the world. His soft puffy lips parts as he let out small snores, that seemed almost magical in the soft light of the morning. Terrified he'd crossed a line, he'd fled. For years he'd loved both Keith and Allura. The harder he fell for his broody mulleted friend, the more he threw himself into flirting with everyone else. Keith had never been his rival, it'd all been born out his anxieties of never being recognised for himself. In the Garrison, he'd always been compared to the "amazing Keith", who made everything seem so natural as he rose through the ranks. The more he'd tried, the more he'd failed, and hence the more he'd been compared to Keith. He'd failed at absolutely everything at life, and now he barely had a life left.

Loosing Red had kicked in the day after Allura day. His nightmares like shattered glass raining over his body without the warm reassurance of Red there to hold him together as he woke in his sweaty bed. When they'd left, he'd felt a moment of pride. Pride that Voltron had laid the path for peace. A peace that didn't need Voltron to uphold. But without Red there, and having watched how happy his friends were without him, he began to wonder what came next. Slowly his self medicating increased, as did his parent's worried looks. He needed to leave who he was behind. He needed to leave his friends behind. He was longing for days they could never return to, nor did the others wish to.

When the job on Erathus came through his communicator, Lance jumped at it. As part of the diplomatic duties, they'd all had to fulfil, each of their individual skills had been highlighted. Speaking with the representatives that had contacted him, the job was a simple bodyguard mission for a travelling diplomat. The brunette couldn't deny his ego wasn't tickled as his sharpshooting skills were praised highly. Though, at that stage, he would have taken any excuse to get off Earth. Even to its "sister" planet Erathus. Agreeing to the offer, Lance was genuinely excited as he headed down to dinner. Rachel setting the table as his mother placed down a large tray of bread  
"Mijo? Did something good happen? Maybe with that gorgeous black haired friend of yours?"  
Huffing at his mother, Lance crossed his arms  
"Keith is busy. No. I was just offered a job"  
His mother's eyes widened  
"A job?! I didn't know you were looking"  
"It's protecting a diplomat"  
"Because you protected the last one so well"  
Stupid Rachel. Well. He wasn't about to let her ruin his mood  
"He has a tour and needs added security. I'll be heading out to Erathus tomorrow"  
"Tomorrow?! So soon!"  
"Mami, I can't stay home forever. It's time"  
"I get Lance's room!"  
Gazing at him with searching eyes, Lance nodded at his mother as he tried to mentally reassure her  
"Lance gets Lance's room"  
"You said I could have Ronnie's now she's out on the Atlas all the time, but Ronnie said no. I'm older than him!"  
"And Lance needs his own space"  
"He's going to space"  
"I need space! All he's going to do is flirt nonstop. Keith had the right idea running off with Axca before Lance got to her. Ladykiller Lance doesn't need his own room"  
Ouch. Ok. That hurt. It was nearly as good as when she told him "he was literally a lady killer because Allura never came back". They used to rag on each other all the time, but Rachel seemed to have no filter when it came to things he wanted to forget. As the baby of the family, every single mistake seemed to be open season for everyone. Constantly paraded before his eyes as failed to measure up to his brother's and sisters. Why couldn't they simply be happy he finally had a job? A job that meant they didn't have to watch over him every moment of every day  
"Rachel. Why must you always fight with your brother?"  
"Mami, its fine"  
"It's not fine"  
"See, Lance says it's fine"  
"You can have my room, too. I don't know how long I'll be off-world this time"  
"You don't know?"  
Shaking his head at his mother, Lance sat so there was a seat between him and where Rachel stood  
"No. It'll depend on how Erathus works out. If I do a good job, it's possible they'll hire me permanently"  
"Mijo... are you sure? It sounds dangerous"  
"Mami, it won't be any more dangerous than staying here and helping Papi with the farm. We could use the money, and I could... I could use some time off-world"  
"I just worry for you so much"  
"I know you do, mami. But Earth isn't how it used to be. I can call. And Ronnie is out on the Atlas. I won't be all alone out there"  
"Fine. Don't think I won't send her after you if you don't keep in contact"  
"It might be a little hard, to begin with. I mean with hours, but I promise I'll message"  
His mother gave a thin, tight-lipped smile  
"Alright, Mijo. If you're really sure"  
"I am, mami. They practically begged me for my sharpshooter skills"  
Piping up, Rachel stumbled and ruined the effects of her own biting words  
"They probably begged you to shut up. Seriously, my little brother up there protecting a diplomat. They should be making sure he doesn't shoot them himself"

Closing his eyes and opening them, Lance took a deep breath then exhaled  
"Can't you be happy for me, Rachel? I'm leaving"  
"I know"  
"Then why are you acting like this?!"  
Taking the tea towel off her shoulder, he mother raised it threateningly  
"That's enough. No more. I don't want to hear it. Tonight is Lance's last night on Earth for a while, we must send him off with good memories"

They were good memories. A kind of bubbly happiness he'd forgotten had welled up at the idea of being free from the constant pressure of trying to be perfect for them all. Buzzing from the wine he'd shared over the table, Lance smiled as he kicked off his shoes, looking over to see Allura standing near the door  
"Don't give me that look"  
"Lance, you shouldn't mix alcohol with pain medication"  
"And you shouldn't haunt people"  
"I'm not haunting you"  
Half hanging off the bed, he picked up his nearest shoe and threw it through the fake Allura  
"You're not real. Ergo. A ghost!"  
It wasn't funny in the slightest, still, Lance found himself giggling. When he'd dated Allura, he'd never dreamt of throwing a shoe at her  
"Now shoo!"  
Trying to sound spooky, Lance slipped off the bed with a thud  
"Hello floor"

Nuzzling into the cold wood beneath him, he was still like that when Rachel walked in  
"What are you doing!?"  
"Hey, Rach. I'm chillin' on the floor. It's nice and cool"  
"You're so weird"  
"Mhmm. And you've been a bitch since I came back"  
"Only because you've been an arsewipe"  
"Nope"  
"Seriously, do you know how worried we were for you?"  
"Mhmm"  
"Then why haven't you been making an effort to get over Allura?"  
"Allura's a ghost. How do you get over a ghost? They're all see-through and you can't hold them, let alone get over them"  
"Lance..."  
His warm buzz was turning to nausea as he laid on his stomach  
"Damn it, Rachel"  
"You and Allura were never going to work out. Why are you still holding onto her?"  
"I'm not!"  
"You said..."  
"I'm not holding onto her! Your "lady killer brother" killed her!"  
"Lance... I was joking"  
"That's all I am to you guys! A joke! You wanted to leave me at the kid's table. You told Allura all these embarrassing stories about me. She didn't love me! Ok, does that make you happy?!"  
"Lance, I didn't mean it like that..."  
Curling up on his side, Lance wrapped his arms around himself the best he could  
"I was gone for years... all I wanted to do was come home, Rachel... Allura was so beautiful"  
"I can't believe you got drunk again. Let's get you into bed"  
"I'm fine"  
"Lance..."  
"I'm fine, Rachel!"  
Walking over to him, Rachel kicked his side hard enough to draw a grunt  
"You sleep there then. Don't forget to pack all your shit up. If you leave it here, I'm going to toss it"  
"Sure. Sure. Whatever"  
"You know I love you, you dork"  
"I know""  
He did. They'd always sniped at each other. It was just what they did as the two youngest. Constantly competing for their parent's attention. Rachel knew all the wrong buttons to push like he knew how to set off her like no one else in the family. It was... he was just... not ready to joke about Allura. Even if Rachel was trying to goad him into admitting how he really felt about everything rather than bottling it up inside. With how busy they'd all been rebuilding Earth, and with how much stress and worry he'd caused everyone, he'd taken up far too much attention. He loved his sister a ridiculous amount and was going to miss her like mad, but he had to leave. Rachel had never loved and lost. She'd had plenty of boyfriends, but they'd broken up with both parties living. She simply didn't understand him any more  
"I love you too. Now get out of my room"  
"It's my room tomorrow!"  
"Don't think I'm not kicking you out when I come back home"  
"I'd like to see you try"  
"Mhmm... we'll see"

Leaving him on the floor, Lance rolled onto his back. Limbs out as he starfishes on the floor. He had a job. He finally had a job that would take him away from all of this. It was his chance to start fresh again... and with a little bit of luck, he might just be able to carve out a new home for himself while he was at it. Even if he wasn't ready to love again, space could always surprise you. Who knew what would happen the moment he reached Erathus? Maybe he'd finally find someone who loved him for everything he was, and everything he wasn't?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So I like write on my phone. It's actually easier for me to upload from there to here, then edit. 
> 
> Sorry for my mistakes. I promise to wave the magic fix it brush soon. I love you all.
> 
> And don't forget to ask me questions


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh. The chapter...
> 
> So. As I said on my tumblr, my mum is like super cryptid! 
> 
> Now. I say. UFO + Bigfoot. I didn't realise when I was mentally designing Klearo (Clare-oh). He's like the trimmed after fab 5 make over new age Bigfoot 
> 
> So thanks mother. And out of love for our boy, I'm posting this the day after his birthday. Lance deserves the besterest birthday.

Hitching a ride on a tourist shuttle out the Garrison, it was another hop skip and a jump over to Erathus. The ship docking station above the planet was something else. The sheer size putting the castle ship to shame as he was swept along with the visiting masses. Pulling out his communicator, he snapped a few shots before sending the photos through to his mother. She'd cried all morning as they triple checked he had everything. Rachel turning up at the very last moment with silly tourist trinkets so he wouldn't forget home. It would have been a nice sentiment if she hadn't followed up by informing him that she'd called Ronnie and told her he was heading out and to lock up all eligible women in the universe. Laughing at his sister, they missed the pain that flashed through his deep blue eyes. Lance fazing out for half a moment to come back in as Luis complained that Veronica should hurry up and ask Acxa out, suggesting Lance give the pair a push if needed. The pair had grown close. Lance was also silently hoping Veronica would ask Acxa out, purely so everyone else would leave his lack of relationship alone... that and Veronica needed to get laid. Not that he had experience in that. He'd never slept with Allura and as pathetic as it sounded, he was saving his first time for someone special. He'd wanted a future with Allura. He wanted the huge white wedding, children, growing old together. Yet as he looked back on his relationship with her, he could see all the ways it'd been lacking. Allura was still hung up on Lotor. It didn't matter to her that months had passed. He'd been her first great love. Her first choice. If he hadn't turned out to be such an evil dick Lance would never had a chance. It's fucking hurt. There hadn't been enough hours in the day to transfer the pain that weighed him down. He'd surrounded himself in junipers like a fool, and was forced to face the result each time he looked out the window of his families home.

"Former Paladin Lance?"  
Lost in his own little world of sending photos through to his family, Lance blinked in confusion at someone calling for him. Dressed in black, three burly Galra were waiting for him. Lance swallowing hard as a lump of fear rose in his throat  
"Yep. Yeah. That's me"  
"We have come to collect you. The ambassador is most anxious to meet you"  
Oooooh. So these guys were also working security? They all looked hardy enough to handle anything thrown at the ambassador  
"Sweet. Thanks for coming to collect me. You can just call me..."  
He didn't want to be Lance. Lance was the loser on Earth who couldn't go without screaming nightmare more than few weeks at a time  
"Leandro. Leandro is fine"  
"Very well, Leandro. If you'll please come with us"

The lack of introduction should have been Lance's first clue that something wasn't quite right. Taking the grav-elevator down to planet level, Lance tried not to gawk at the buildings so reminiscent of the "golden age of Hollywood". Even the cars were fashioned on long-gone models. Keith would have had a field day. Especially when he saw the bikes.  
"Everything alright, Leandro?"  
"Yeah. I mean... yes. Just taking it all in, my dudes"  
Why did his anxieties have to flare up to make him sound like an absolute moron? "My dudes"?!? Seriously. What was that? God. He wanted this job so badly he could taste it, now he probably making the Galra wonder why their boss had ever hired anyone like him. His awkward sentence was only made worse when no one made any sort of reply. His mouth was urging his brain to keep talking, to somehow talk his way out of the situation. Lance would do that. But Leandro. Leandro was cool and sophisticated. Leandro would hold his tongue and not get them into any more trouble, or get them fired before he'd even met the ambassador.

Waiting at the station at the bottom of the grav elevator, was a long slick black limousine with tinted windows. A fourth alien also dressed in black gave a small bow as they approached  
"It's a pleasure to meet you. Please make yourself comfortable"  
Opening the door for them, Lance climbed inside first. Feeling incredibly small and grotty when compared to luxurious white leather seats, and flawlessly polished gold accents of the space  
"It's magnificent, isn't it?"  
Nearly jumping on fright, Allura popped into view across from him. Her form hovering for a second or two, before one of the Galra of the party took the seat she'd been occupying  
"Everything ok, Agent Leandro?"  
"Agent Leandro" he liked the sound of that. It was better than "former Paladin", or "Lance, the boy from Cuba"  
"Yes, thank you"  
"Excellent"  
Again, trying not to appear too eager, Lance watched the world outside the window as the limousine silently weaved it was through the traffic. It was both jarring and mesmerising to see this version of Earth, where they'd even put up large clocks all over the place with various Earth times and cities displayed underneath.

Arriving at the spacious mansion, it took everything Lance had not to gape as the door of the limousine was opened. A whole crowd of staff stood to order as their group made their way towards the front doors. Gripping the strap of his backpack nervously, Lance was mentally reciting every single prayer his mother had drummed into him in Spanish. He loved his mother, yet even at 21, he still feared her pink slipper that used to come out of nowhere when he'd stumble with his prayers. Many a time he'd dived into bed with Luis or Marco for protection from his mother's tough love. Walking through the group, he was blind to the looks and whispers cast his way, just as he was blind to the effect his trailing scent left in some of those. All he wanted to do was make a good impression, and you only had one shot at making a great first impression...

The ambassador was a mammoth. Not a literal mammoth, though he would definitely rival one in size. He was huge. Bigger than Zarkon. Bigger than Sendak. He hesitated to use the word grizzled as his mind still associated it with Keith and ridiculously ripped physique. Buuut damn. He was one solid unit  
"Red Paladin Lance! Welcome, welcome! I am Klearo. Please come in"  
He was already inside. Though he was sure that if he was outside he would have heard him as clearly  
"He's loud, isn't he?"  
Goddamn Allura. He wasn't doing this  
"Thank you. I'm Leandro, Lance is my former name"  
Laughing, the large alien walked over and clamped a hand on his shoulder  
"It is most nice to meet you, Leandro. Come let us talk. You drink, yes?"  
It was way too early in the morning for drinking... and he would have said "no" if he wasn't still working on creating a great impression  
"I do on occasion"  
"Then we drink! I fill you in on your mission details, right? There are those out there who think they can kill the great Klearo! I laugh. Then they shoot at Klearo, so I call back the one they call the greatest shooter of Voltron!"  
Lance had to wonder if Klearo hadn't already started drinking before his arrival. It'd explain why the alien was so bloody loud. With his overly hairy appearance, he seemed like some kind of semi-intelligent ape rather than a diplomat. Having given his own peace talks, the kind of vibe he was picking up Klearo didn't match with what was expected. None the less. He'd come to do a job, and that he was exactly what he intended to do.

*  
Klearo was awkward on stage. His jokes falling so flat that Lance felt a twinge of sympathy for the huge alien. He'd also learned that his presence at these kinds of things proved a hindrance more than a help. Totally not copying Keith or the Blades, Lance started employing the use of a full face mask, allowing the crowd to concentrate on Klearo rather than him. Not that Klearo seemed to care. The "warm" reception had faded the first time a person in the crowd called out of him to speak instead. He was on the outside of the rest of the team, leading to his anxieties only worsening. Part of him wanted to throw it all, go back home and play farmer, but the bigger part of him wanted to actually be useful. He didn't want to go home as a failure all over again.

He'd only been there for a movement before everything went quiznakking wrong. Forced to drink with an angry Klearo, it wasn't until his third or fourth drink that he noticed something strange. His tongue was tingling, as were the tips of his fingers and toes. Standing beside the chair he was lounging in, Allura leaned in  
"It's drugged"  
Ignoring her, he drained the rest of his drink. What reason would they have to drug him? He was doing his job, even if he wasn't making friends. Struggling up, the world started to spin  
"Leandro?"  
"I think that's it for me"  
His words were slurred. Climbing to his feet, his legs wouldn't hold resulting in him landing ungainly on the floor  
"Did you drug me? Guys... come on..."  
Placing down his glass, Klearo rose  
"Bring him through. Don't damage him too badly"

Hauled up by the arms, Lance tried to struggle against the drugs coursing through his system. Spluttering and mumbling weak objections, he was dragged along the hallway to Klearo's personal chambers. That's when Lance knew he was well and truly fucked. 

Thrown down on the bed in the middle of the room, Lance was flipped onto his back. His arms pulled upwards to be bound  
"No... let me go..."  
His slurred repeated utterances went ignored. The thin cloth of his casual shirt torn to pieces by a human-sized alien with four eerily green eyes. Blinking at him with his top two eyes, the alien didn't stop  
"Leave us!"  
Flinching at how loud Klearo's voice was, Lance "struggled" against his bindings. His eyelids drooping despite how hard he tried to hold open them. When the bed dipped under Klearo's weight, he screamed  
"Someone shut him up. His voice irritates my ears"  
Above him came a set of thick Galra arms, a gag shoved into his mouth causing his eyes to water. This... if this was a joke, he wasn't laughing  
"Do you have any idea how annoying you are? All we had to go through to get you? And you weren't even worth it in the end"  
That stung. Shouldn't it be a good thing if he didn't actually have to use the blaster he'd been provided with? Didn't that mean that the threats Klearo had received amounted to nothing? Feeling the aliens large hands on his hips, Lance whimpered as they were unzipped  
"You smell amazing. I've wanted to do this ever since I smelt you..."  
"Ngh!"  
That was the best no he could get out  
"And now I have my very own Paladin beneath me. I wanted your lion, but they say the lions left"  
He what now? What... oh... fuck. This was bad... twisting, he fought the numbness weighing him down. Trying his hardest to kick, he couldn't raise his legs off the bed  
"The Red Paladin. Affiliated with Fire. Show me why the people like you, instead of me!"

The pain was nothing Lance could describe. The dull feeling of thick fingertips against his opening. The sharp rip as Klearo shoved a nailed finger inside, the swelling instinct to repel the foreign digit. The laughing goes Klearo as he shoved a second finger in. The moment of relief when the fingers slid out, the silent scream as his eyes shot wide when Klearo buried himself brutally between his legs in one sharp thrust. Screaming around the gag, his body rocked without his permission with each thrust Klearo gave, the haired alien taking his hips in his hands so hard Lance thought the bones were going to snap. Beside him, Allura sat looking prim, a frown on her face the only sign that she felt something wrong with the situation. Vomiting into his mouth, Lance was torn a little further. Blood oozing over the blue sheets beneath him as turned red, spreading across his inner thighs as it smeared into Klearo's hair. The smell driving him into further hysteria. The sounds of wet slaps echoed in his ears. Picking up his pace, Klearo grabbed him by the hair as he grunted hard, tearing out a thick chunk as the man's dick pulsed, Klearo coming with enough force he felt as if the man was flooding him with a hose. Screaming in despair, choking on vomit and accidentally locking eyes with Allura, his body betrayed him. Dry orgasm from having his prostate pounded against incessantly rolled through him. The degree of shame was something he'd never thought possible. His employer had just raped him... and he'd come. Pulling out of him, Klearo hushed him as Lance's lower half spasmed with pain uncontrollably  
"My own Red Paladin painted with his own red blood... what a masterpiece"  
Clicking his fingers, a servant came forth. The moment the gag was removed, vomit spilt from his lips as he wretched and heaved  
"Pack him up. We leave tonight as planned. Make sure you don't let him die. We're getting that Red lion, and he's the key to it"  
The same arms came over his vision, Lance staring up at the ceiling as he was untied and gathered up onto the shoulder of a Galra. Carried out the bedroom, he could feel the cum and blood running down his thighs, the cold air of the manor slowly drying it into a crust as he bounced like a rag doll. He'd raped him and he'd come. Why?! Why did he come? He didn't want this... he didn't want any of this!

Reaching a waiting vehicle, another hand came down to grab his hair, forcing his head up. Unable to raise his gaze, he stared at the red "y" shape on the arm. Was it a brand or a tattoo? He couldn't tell... he didn't know. Dropping his head, Lance's nose smacked against the fabric of his suit... a weird feeling bubbling up inside... he almost... wanted to laugh? Was it laugh? He didn't know what he wanted, his mind was foggy, slowly joining the uselessness his body held  
"He's still conscious. We can't have kicking up a fuss when drugs wear off. Put him under and keep him under until we arrive"  
"Yes, sir"

*  
Stabled naked on the floor of a dingy room, Lance hovered in and out of consciousness as he huddled in the furthermost corner. Every few vargas someone would come in and he'd been dosed with a glowing yellow liquid. With each passing dose, a moment of euphoria would pass through him. A taste of life he'd never felt before. And one he was anxious to feel again and again, despite that with each passing dose, the effects would wear off faster and faster. On the quintants, it felt like they'd forgotten him, when the doses were further apart, the feeling of satisfaction they supplied lasted longer when they did finally remember him.

After he'd been initially transferred, Klearo had forced him to show his face as he gave another speech. His voice was too ruined to ask for help. His employer had promised to reveal him to the world for the disgusting pervert he was if he didn't keep his mouth shut. How he was supposed to keep his mouth shut and be tortured for information on the Red lion, he didn't know. When they'd realised he'd ruined his throat they finally locked him away. Left alone in the dark, Lance had all the time in the world to think. Shiro would have found a way out of here by name, his trademark "patience yields focus" staying first and foremost in his mind. He was biding his time. Keith too would have found a way free by now. Hunk... Hunk was too fucking pure, the same went for his favourite Gremlin. If they'd gone after the other lions... god... he was almost grateful to be the one captured. He was the one stupid enough to leap right in. Hunk would have declined so he could spend more time with Shay. Pidge had never loved the limelight. Keith would have been asking questions from the get-go... and Shiro... Shiro was finally in a good place. No. He was the goddamn useless idiot who'd jumped at the job. He'd walked right into the stupid trap, and deserved all he got. Smacking his head against the wall over and over, he was so fucking done waiting for the right moment. Waiting until the drug doses came on the back of others. Waiting until they believed him too far out of it fight back. What did it all really matter anyway? Allura stood there and watched each time he was taken. She'd be there to sit beside him in the dark after they'd deposit his body back in the cold. He couldn't give them Red. He was long gone with the rest of the Lions. Lance was aware of how much Red had done to hold him together. How he'd shouldered Lance's burdens when Allura had died. How he soothed Lance with a gentle rumbling purr on the nights he woke up with no idea where he was. He didn't have Red anymore. Allura had brought him back wrong. His body was less and less his as the quintants passed, leaving him with a never-ending boiling anger he could only direct inwards. Pain was the only thing that made things real. But whatever they shot him up with took away that pain...

It could have movements. It could have even been phoebs, but as he'd expected his body adapted to the frequent injections. Lance now strong enough to hide the failings of their workings as he was escorted from his cell. He knew others were there somewhere. He'd heard screams night after night that attested to such. Dragged into Klearo's chambers, he stumbled as he was released and nudged towards the bed. Klearo insisted on taking him first, after him, the order didn't matter. Not moving fast enough, Lance was taken by the arm and forcibly pulled across the space before being pushed down. His fingers itched to grab the blaster on his tormentors hip, yet he had to wait. He had to wait until Klearo was there, or none of this meant anything. Sitting like a doll at the end of the bed, he no longer flinched as the Galra by his side ran his hand down Lance's bare back. He no longer flinched when the beasts nails tore at his skin, adding to the already disturbing collection across his skin. Tucking a stray strand of hair back behind his ear, the Galra leaning in to sniff deeply  
"You smell so fucking good"  
Grinding his teeth together, Lance forced himself not to act. Patience yielded focus  
"Klearo wants you placid. Open your mouth"

This was new. This wasn't in his plans. He couldn't let them force other drugs down his throat. Opening his mouth, the Galra pushed a hand flat against it, forcing tablets inside as he'd feared. They tasted as nice as the liquid they poured down his throat before they'd start whipping him for not being able to call back the Red lion. He couldn't keep waiting. He couldn't go through that again. The pain between his legs that never truly left. Biting the webbing between the thumb and pointer, Lance tore the flesh between his teeth. Howling in anger, the made it worse by tearing his hand way. Spitting out the flesh and tablets, blood ran down Lance's chin. His teeth and lips red as he smiled  
"You bastard!"  
Scrambling for his blaster, Lance snatched it up first. He felt nothing as he pulled the trigger. Nothing as he blood spurted from the shot to the neck. Firing again, he aimed for the groin, firing over and over until the Galra was dead on the floor. The piece of shit deserved it. They all fucking deserved it. Laughter bubbled up at the sight before him. The Galra's genitals shot to hell, a bloodied mess that couldn't even have been called genitals. 

Stalking the halls of the ship Lance shot indiscriminately. He'd thought himself planet side due to the lack of the sounds of engines, and the constant streams of guests Klearo entertained. He knew the difference by now. Klearo's underlings all bore the same "y" like tattoo, Red in respect to their goal of taking the Red Lion. Despite being a largely Galra force, not all that followed Klearo were Galra. Lance's stomach had dropped when he'd learned the faction was made up of those who Voltron had failed. Klearo was indeed an ambassador. He was the ambassador of Voltron's failures. Lance no longer cared. He couldn't care. As he limped those halls, he was Leandro. Leandro got things done. Everyone associated with this fucked up... group deserved to die. So they did. It was that simple. Hunting them down as they ran, the ship's alarms blared dying the world red from the ship's flashing lights. Everything surrounding him was Red. Along the way, he took clothes of smaller aliens closer to his size, at Allura's begging. Slipping them into place on his tender and bruised frame, his body was his. He was done with sharing his body without permission. It didn't matter that the clothes were bloodied, nor did it matter that the fabric was rough against his skin. They were best clothes he'd ever worn.

Clearing all those he could find, Klearo had already left. Allura trailing behind him as he walked, pleading with him to take a pod and leave. Pleading with him to let those left live. He couldn't. If there was no trace of what had been done to him left, then it never happened. If it'd never happened to him, then he was just Leandro. Bodyguard and sharpshooter extraordinaire. Yeah. Lance was weak. Lance had been tricked. Leandro wouldn't be tricked. He wouldn't take mercy. He was going to track down Klearo and he was going to make sure that no one who knew what happened lived. His blue eyes were filled with humour as he strode through the bloodied halls. Laughter bubbled out his lips over how some bodies had slumped. Making his way to the control room, he strode over to the main computer, to find it locked. That wasn't very nice. He'd shown them such a good time with his body. Oh well. He was just going to have to shoot the damn thing into submission. So he did. Destroying the control room with his blaster, thick acrid smoke rolled off the twisted metal as fire started to lick at the floor. It was tempting to stay, to let himself be consumed, but his mission wasn't done. His boss was out there unprotected and in need of his skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kre'el has really Galra ears, which she hides. Kree-elle. She's like a tamer law abiding version of Krolia.
> 
> Helo. He-low. Trails after her. He has the looooove.
> 
>  
> 
> I know ya'all didn't sign up for OC's but I need more space in my space. And I totally reckon that other races would have been after the lions. And I also totally reckon people woulda been like "where be thou lions?!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. We all know the drill. I post then I come back in a few vargas and make all the errors go away. I've like started chapter 15... yay me!

Floating in space, Lance had found the small shower on the pod he'd lifted. Between the control room and the pod was a blur. A literal blur. He remembered shooting the control panels until they sparked up, but couldn't remember making his way down to the pod, nor escaping Klearo's ship before it exploded. When he came too, he'd found himself floating. His body too tender to move from the cold floor, as everything else came back with frightening clarity. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. They said that pride came before the fall, and now he'd fallen so low he didn't know how he was supposed to recover. His skin itched, his hair stank, his body covered in God only knew what... and between his legs... raising a hand, his eyes widened at the dried blood. He'd... shot... everyone... Curling in on himself he started to scream. His voice wrecked from everything else he'd been through. Appearing beside him, Allura stroked his hair. Her soft voice telling him to let go. 

When his tears dried, he gathered himself up. Stripping off the layers of soiled clothes until he was naked again. These small pods were used from ship to planet transport, they held the very basics. That's why there was a small first aid kit, a blanket, a change of clothes and a tiny bathroom area on each pod. Klearo expected his minions to be spotless and prim each time they appeared before an audience. He owed him nothing, and if he was in the right frame of mind he might even laugh over the fact the man was so prepared as he stepped into his first shower in movements. The heat of the water falling around him felt like razor blades against his skin. His bloodied and bleeding backside the worst of all his injuries. His nails scraping the fragile scabby skin in his desperation to rid himself of what was left inside. Blood swirling through the brown-tinged water as silent tears formed again. How was he supposed to ever go home after this? How did he smile again? How did he hold his head high and ignore the pain? Rubbing his skin until the flesh felt so raw it no longer existed, he couldn't get clean. He could feel those large hands pinning down his hips. The hands holding his mouth open, a bleeding mouth from where the gag tore at his skin didn't appeal to his holders. It didn't matter. Once he screamed himself out, they stopped gagging him in favour of covering his mouth with their sweaty palms. If he closed his eyes, he'd be slapped for misbehaving. Yet that wasn't what really broke him. What broke him was Allura watching the whole time. Her standing there with no words of comfort, or attempt to interfere. It wasn't like he'd been raped by that many members of Klearo's bizarre cult. Only three or four Galra, and the man himself. The rest preferred to be there while he was tortured. Laughing as he pissed himself in fear. Laughing as they threatened his friends. His family. To leak the videos of their time together. Staying there long after the water went cold, he wasn't ready to leave the safety of the small space. There was barely enough space to sit, but with three solid metal walls, and glass screen in front of him, the space was small and safe.

He was still there when the Erathian police boarded the stolen pod. Klearo had reported his ship having been attacked by "space pirates", so when they'd finally tracked down one of the pods, they were eager to apprehend whoever was inside. This was when he met Kre'el. The woman looked like an angel in his broken mind. Soft honey blonde hair, blue shimmering eyes, a nose like a pig's... he didn't care. She wasn't a full Galra, and she wasn't there to hurt him. Unable to communicate that he'd been the one to destroy the ship, he was moved from pod to the main ship. From there he was returned to Erathus, where his journey had begun. 

Organising for him to call his mother, Kre'el sat by his side as he bullshitted his arse off about how well the job had gone. She was concerned enough as it was. Three movements. He'd only left Earth a phoeb ago. His mind couldn't process it. It'd felt like years. How could someone break from something so brief? He felt weak. Weak and worthless. He ended the call with a heavy heart. As he passed the black communicator back to Kre'el, she shook her head and insisted he kept it, because she may have a job for him. The last thing he wanted a was a job. He didn't even want to be, yet, due to her soft ways, Kre'el was the first friend he made at the Erathian police department.

Released from the hospital only three short quintants later, Lance was picked up Kre'el and one of her coworkers. Taken from the hospital to the police station, he was slightly lost as to why he was there. Scared by the sheer amount of people, by the Galra looking his way, he'd learned that scent seemed to be particularly appealing to that of the Galra and when one moved to approach him, he damn near screamed. God. He knew he looked so lame. He was filled with anger and fear. Telling himself that Lance went through it all, not Leandro wasn't working as well as it had on Klearo's ship. Under the fluorescent lights of the building he was very clearly a victim, the one thing he didn't want people to see. Whether they thought it or not, neither officer said anything as they continued through the building, both walking slowly to keep up him on his crutches.

An elevator up to another floor, another long corridor and with no idea how to escape, their snail-like pace finally came to end in front of a grey door. For a moment Lance blanched. The plainness of the door reminding him of the plainness of his cell. Opening the door for him, Kre'el waited for him to limp in before her partner came in to join him. Across half the wall were photos of Klearo. Photos of him, and the rest of the man's security team. Boxes of documents lay around half-packed, as Lance simply stared in shock. Klearo's name had gone unsaid. How he'd ended up how he had, went unsaid. The roughness of his voice explained by a long night, to his mother at any rate  
"Wha... what is all of this?"  
"An investigation into Klearo. Please take a seat, former Paladin Lance. We need to talk"  
"Helo, you're going to scare him off before we've even had time to talk. You're not the best at conversations. Lance, take a seat, please. You're probably really confused, and you're probably the only one who can help at the moment"  
Lance. He didn't want to be Lance. Lance was a loser, Touching his tender throat, he coughed  
"Leandro... it's my proper name"  
"Leandro then. Helo is a little socially stunted. Helo, why don't you pick up his things from lock up? I'll begin explaining things to him"  
Helo sighed at Kre'el. The blue-skinned alien seemed smitten by the female officer. There was no malice as he replied  
"You should have told me while we were downstairs. Now I have to go all the way back down"  
"Ensuring La-Leandro's security came first. This hasn't exactly been sanctioned by our boss"  
Shrugging his shoulders, Helo kept his steps light as he moved across the room. Lance's heart starting to race at how soundless the movement was. If he wanted, Lance was sure Helo could kill him before he even knew what had happened  
"It's your arse, not mine"  
"Thank you!"

Kre'el waited until the door was closed again before sitting down next to him so their knees were nearly touching  
"I know you've been through a lot, but I first want you to know you are under no obligation to talk about whatever happened on that ship. As you can see, we've been investigating Klearo for some time. On the surface he presents himself as an ambassador, travelling from planet to planet to talk about peace now that the Galra reign has ended. Underneath we have confirmation that he's involved in everything. Guns. Drugs. Weapons. Child trafficking. We are also aware of his almost fanatical desire to possess on of Voltron's Lions as his own"  
So everyone but him had known? The police had known... and... done nothing? The man was pure evil... and they'd let him walk? His fingertips dug into his palms. Why hadn't anyone told?  
"We want to help you with your mission"  
Lance's head snapped up. His mission? Tilting his head sideways, he drew his brow  
"You were working to bring down Klearo, weren't you? You one piloted the Red Lion. The object of his desire, though if you ask me, I think he would have taken any lion could have gotten his hands on"  
If Kre'el hadn't been so kind, he probably would have lied... Allura didn't seem to like her as much as he did  
"N-no. I was hired for security before I realised something was wrong"  
It was a half-lie. To cover what he'd been through...  
"Oh. You did take out his ship, however?"  
Nodding, he felt a little less stupid... ever so slightly less stupid  
"Leandro. What I want to ask is for your help. As police, we can't move as you can. We have to uphold the law while letting someone like him go as he is an ambassador. I talked to my boss over this, but he thought you were on Klearo's payroll. He wanted to arrest you for your involvement in a hijacking that occurred last movement. Once I saw you for my self, I knew someone like you couldn't have been involved. A brave Paladin could never be involved. Especially as we'd recovered your belongings from Klearo's residence"  
"You don't know me"  
"I don't need to. Being part Galra myself, I've seen what they can do first hand. The day Voltron took the skies again was the happiest day of my life"  
Blurting out his question, Lance then dissolved into coughs  
"You're part Galra?!"  
"Yes. Not by choice. That's part of the reason I am coming to you. Klearo needs to be stopped, and we need an agent who can move freely"  
Agent... that's what he'd foolishly let himself be called and talked himself up as  
"An agent?"  
"A bounty hunter as such. We can set you up with a room through a local establishment"  
Shaking his head, Lance didn't know what to do next, only that he didn't trust the idea of working for someone again so soon  
"I can't..."  
"I saw your medical file. I know what you went through. You aren't the only one he's done this to. Can you really live with that? Even if you're done with him, he isn't done with you. He still wants a lion to secure his position. What if he goes after your friends? Or the Atlas? Your former Black Paladin is at its helm"  
He didn't want that. He didn't want anyone to suffer the shame he did. Or this festering, aching anger. Swallowing awkwardly, his eyes grew teary, his nails starting to cut into his palms. Because he'd been fed that weird yellow drug for so long, the hospital needed to wean him off slowly so he barely felt the deep divots  
"No... no... tell me what you need me to do"  
"You're being very brave, Leandro. I wish I had the time to take things slow with you. As it is..."  
"It's fine. Things were never that slow when I was in Voltron"  
He couldn't take sympathy or pity. If he stopped and waited again, he'd be responsible for what happened next  
"Alright. I understand. Helo is retrieving your belongings, then I'll take you to you the club. You'll be given a room there while I organise things on this end. You need official permission to take on bounty hunting, a police sponsor so to speak. We've been taken off the case, so I will be liaising with you in an official capacity for now. We may also ask that take on smaller cases. Arrests. Captures. Erathus has developed rapidly in the last two years, meaning we don't have the ability to be everywhere at once"  
"I don't care. I mean... I don't mind. As long as I can be useful"  
"Very useful. I won't ask for your trust, but I promise to always shoot straight"  
It was half a tick for Lance to realise she meant "she'd shoot straight from the hip" or "talk straight". All this bounty hunter thing felt like a Hollywood movie... He'd take a little glamour right about. Plus he needed all the resources he could gather if he was going to hunt down and gut Klearo. Kre'el was in the right position to help him... she'd also said she didn't expect trust, because he honestly wasn't sure he had any of that left. Standing behind him, Allura tried to dissuade him. She'd become more vocal in her protests of his actions, as if she was actually his ex. Nodding, Kre'el relaxed  
"Excellent. I'll take this as a formal agreement. Is there anything you need right now?"  
"Do you know anyone who can help hide these marks? They're hardly covert"  
"I think we can find some way to help with that. Are they functional?"  
They functioned as a reminder that his body was all kinds of wrong...  
"No. A reminder of the past"  
"Perhaps the hospital help? You have follow up appointments booked"  
"I won't need them. My body is different"  
"Are you sure?"  
"I'm sure"  
He was sure he didn't want to be touched. He didn't want to be examined. He didn't want to wake up screaming and scare everyone around. Holding her hand out, Lance nearly vomited as he shook it. Definitely a big fat no to physical contact  
"Thank you, Leandro. I look forward to working with you"

*  
Lance hadn't expected to be living in a strip club when he'd moved to Erathus. Nor did he think he'd ever be labelled a prostitute. The second and third floors of the establishment he now called home were designated for such things. At first, he couldn't sleep knowing people were doing "that" right beyond the doors to his room. Kre'el was friends with the owner, who was her cousins' uncle's something or other on her father's side... it was long and complicated, but he got it. Everyone back home was family, no matter how many branches away they hung on the family tree. If it wasn't for Helo though, he probably would have still been holed up in his room, playing "Lance" who was perfectly happy and healthy. 

It was another sleepless night where the drugs he'd been given by the hospital were proving worthless in his blood system when there came a loud knock on his door. Pulling his recovered blaster out, the only thing he'd saved from the stuff he'd brought from Earth... other than a photo of Varadero which was a whole other story... and his communicator because his of his mother, Lance cautiously crept over to his door as the stupid thing opened on its own. He hated that. He hated knowing anyone could let themselves in, yet it seemed some unwritten rule of the establishment that you didn't. A rule that was surprisingly followed. With a heft alien in his hold and his pants undone, Helo grunted a hello as he dragged the alien into Lance's space. Behind the pair of them was a tiny female alien. Her lip bloodied as she trembled. Looking at her was like looking at himself. Even if touch revolted him, he couldn't let her stand there. Opening the bathroom door, he retrieved the thin bathrobe, offering it to her as she eyed him in confusion  
"It's alright. You can come in. I'm Leandro"  
The alien woman smiled, covering herself with robe  
"Leah... you're the new one?"  
"In a way. Come through. He's an officer"

Pining the suspect down on Lance's bed with knee, Helo struggled to keep him down  
"Leandro, back pocket"  
Right. That was him. His mind didn't need to be reminding him of how that position felt. Moving to Helo, he moved the man's jacket back to find a black tranq gun  
"Hit him in the neck"  
Between Helo and the alien called Leah, Lance was imploding over having three people suddenly forced into his space. Wanting them out, he did as he was told. A small rush of satisfaction coming as he pushed the muzzle to the aliens neck and squeezed. A few ticks later, the alien stopped his struggling. Wiping his brow, Helo stood back  
"Thanks. I had my hands full. Didn't expect to find him here"  
"Who is "he"? And do I want to know why your pants are undone?"  
Rushing to pull his fly up, Helo held his hand out for his gun  
"Drug deal. He mistakingly thought hitting the money meant he could hit a dancer. I'll call someone to come collect him"  
Helo failed at even basic politeness. Leah was still looking tiny  
"Are you alright?"  
"I... yes. Sometimes they get a little too forceful. I'm fine, thanks to you and your friend"  
"That's good. Sorry about, Helo. He forgets how to talk to people from time to time"  
Leah's face brightened  
"I was worried I was in trouble too"  
"A pretty lady like you, no. No, just this piece of quiznak here. You might want to take the night off though"  
"I think I will. Thank you, Leandro"  
The look Helo gave him was pointedly ignored as Leah let herself out, and despite the fact, all he did was tranq the guy, it was listed as his first official assist as a bounty hunter.

Leah was the first prostitute he met. It was her who introduced him to the others. They were the ones who taught him the ins and outs of the club, and the ones who introduced him to the "not so legal" doctor that helped the workers there. She showed him around Erathus, and where to get everything he could want or need in the way of clothes and food. It was also around that time that Kre'el and Helo both started reaching out to him, over who to keep an eye out for in the club. It wasn't getting him any closer to Klearo. The source of his anger and hatred, but making friends opened a whole new world to him. He could hold his own on a call with the old members of Voltron, Keith too when his previous best friend called... which was depressingly rare. It wasn't like any of them bothered to reply to his messages anymore. Even taking calls from home left him feeling depressed. He called Veronica regularly, knowing that if he didn't she'd bring the Atlas and that would cause way more dramas than it was worth. She was also the only one who didn't constantly ask how he was. No, she went around the side of the issue by asking how work was. It was... good. He could go down to the club and have a few drinks, knowing that the bouncers would stop anything happening on the dance floor from going further. It still took movements to be confident enough to do so. But he had a job now. He had work being pushed his way, slowly but surely he was getting there. That didn't mean he liked to be touched. Some quintants he couldn't even get out of bed. Some quintants he'd spend the whole day in the shower. Yet most quintants he could be found charting Klearo's every single move. His anger at the man's continued existence only grew. With too many feelings and no way to vent them, he slipped up badly. 

Leah had found him. High out of his mind, Lance lost control on the thin thread of sanity he still held. He'd taken almost everything he could get his hands on, but it hadn't been enough to rid his mind and body of the feel of what happened. It'd started when he'd punched the mirror in his bathroom in anger over the face reflected back at him. The dark bags under his red eyes, the paleness of his usually glowing skin. The feel of the glass embedded in his knuckles had felt more than nice. Before he'd thought things through or could think things through, he'd fished a larger chunk of the mirror from his sink. Dragging it across the tender skin of his wrist, he relished the feeling of pain rushing to bloom. He felt... finally in control. Laughing in maniacal glee, he stumbled from his bathroom. Oblivious to how much he was bleeding. In the end, he barely made it five steps before collapsing. When he came too, he was laying in his own bed. Leah sitting in a dining chair about a foot away. Her eyes red and puffy from where she'd been crying. Confused over everything that had happened, he only grew more confused as he noticed the right bandage around his left wrist. Leah hadn't been happy. Ignoring the way she'd carefully avoided touching him before, she'd angrily snatched up his hand to tear the bandage off. Only, when she did, the skin beneath had healed. A small scar the only evidence he'd done something wrong. Leah couldn't understand it, while he had no explanation to offer. He'd never expected her to be as upset as she was. It'd taken vargas for her to truly calm and accept he hadn't attempted to take his life.

She watched him carefully after that. Things strained in a way he didn't like, and in a way that finally pushed him to ask Kre'el for more diverse work. He'd saved up enough for a tiny pod of his own. He could finally go after Klearo... and he really needed off Erathus. A break from ruining the lives of people he'd come to care about. Kre'el was against it. Helo wanted to come with him as back up. Neither got their wish. He had to do this for himself. He had to rip open the wound the man had left inside of him, and drain the infection before he was lost to himself entirely. Buying the pod he'd been eying off filled him with pride. It wasn't the Atlas, nor was it Keith's humanitarian aid ship. Quiznak. It wasn't even a great ship, but no one could take it from him, and once he'd moved everything he'd needed from his room, including his research on Klearo's movements, he took the first wormhole he could off-planet.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back... now I told myself I'd post every few days... so I'm trying to be good...

Lance soon added "technician" to his growing skills. Having attempted to push his engines too hard a fuse had blown, causing issues in the sensors that led to a chronic beeping. If Hunk or Pidge were there they'd probably have solved the problem in doboshes. He was running slightly slower thanks to a dose of space flu, but he was getting there. Hell. Keith probably would have known what to do given Keith was pretty much perfection incarnate, but wonder boy wasn't there. He'd had such a crush on him, before the Allura incident, and afterwards. Keith had made the time for him. Sought him out and done everything he could to be the friend Lance really needed. He hated him for it. He hated how he missed Keith even more than he missed Hunk. He hated how he missed the stupid mulleted emo who was always up for causing trouble. He'd genuinely disliked him, to begin with. Keith was everything Lance ever wanted to be, and what was worse was that he didn't even realise he was. Most of all he hated the fact he wished Keith was there to keep him company as he tinkered under the dash of the ship. They probably would have dissolved into a fight by now... but that would be preferable to the crushing silence of being in space alone. Keith had become his best friend before he'd known what was happening. He'd also been the cause of his first bi-panic even before they'd... ended up in bed together which totally absolutely never happened because he'd rather deny it until the end of time than lose his friendship with Keith despite the fact they hadn't talked in movements and each call they exchanged messed with his memories of what had happened with Klearo and now he was spiralling. Even now that he accepted that he was bisexual, he knew a lot of people didn't get it. He loved people, but sometimes they sucked. With what had happened with Klearo, he'd realised that he could never be with Keith. He was tainted. He was a monster. He was wrong and he was dirty. No matter how many times he scrubbed his raw, it didn't change the fact the man had made him cum. That point hanging in the corner of his mind like a neon trophy of disgust. So even if he wanted to confess to Keith, his love had twisted and warped. He'd never be free to love him, so why even entertain the thoughts anymore? He didn't know why his mind tormented him with thoughts of Keith instead of allowing him to forget his feelings for the man, but he was beyond tired of it all. He just wanted to focus on killing Klearo and anyone else with that obnoxious "y" shaped tattoo. Lusting after the lions was old news. He was over it... and soon Klearo would be shuffling off the mortal coil, so if his mind could please shut up he'd be eternally grateful.

Receiving a zap for all his trouble under the dash of the ship, the beeping noise finally came to stop. Lance laughing loudly before slapping a hand to his mouth to silence himself. He couldn't laugh like that for no reason. People would think him insane. He probably already was. He definitely wasn't who he used to be, and more than once he'd let himself be swept away by fanciful daydreams where he was covered in Klearo's blood. It was weird how when he'd been a Paladin, he'd hated killing. He'd secretly been praying for a way to end Zarkon without having to actually kill, but now the desire to kill was the only thing that got him out of bed in the morning. That and the momentary high that shooting more the yellow painkiller into his blood would bring. If only his friends could see him now. Hopelessly damaged and addicted beyond belief to god only knew what. The pills shouldered his burdens, eased his mind and let him function without the emotional pain of what he'd been through. The knife wounds across his upper inner thighs and hip bones were the only way he knew to ease the physical phantom pains that came with such emotions as he dipped between doses. Instead of the cocky-Red Paladin everyone only ever tolerated, he'd become the poster boy of disfunction. Those who knew him would surely lament his descent into darkness if they knew the real him lurking beneath the mask of Leandro. They'd blame themselves. They'd be revolted and everything would fall apart. So, until his dying breath, he'd be Leandro.

*  
Landing his ship on a rather bright planet, Lance dressed simply. A black bodysuit he'd had made was covered by a black and silver suit that may or may not have been made remembering how hot Keith had looked in his Blade uniform. Kre'el had begrudgingly contacted him to inform him they'd had a report of a disappearance come in from sector 16 of the area patrolled by Erathian police. There were other jurisdictions out in the area, yet being the "Earth" planet, her bosses always seemed to think them better and more competent than those. Shoving themselves firmly into the fray of things despite what other officers had planned, in order to take all the credit for Erathian. It was all one giant pissing match that he wanted nothing to do with. He was there for Klearo. "The hunter becomes the hunted" had always been a novel phrase. He wasn't sure why it'd wormed its way into his mind as it had, but it seemed apt to adopt it officially as "Leandro's motto". Informing him there'd been talk of Klearo taking the daughter of a ruling family in promise of status elevation after the seizure of the Red Lion, Lance's messed up heart had felt all kind of raw emotions that he shouldn't feel as Leandro. Another princess was missing. Allura who'd died for everyone merged with the image of a small scared girl. He hadn't been able to save his princess, but he sure as hell wasn't about to let another one down. Arming himself with his blaster, he also slipped two small knives into the sides of his boots. Klearo would expect him to have a blaster, not so much the knives. He'd foolishly admitted to the man he wasn't that great at hand-to-hand combat... which he wasn't, but in a bar fight, he'd more than definitely come out as the winner. Sliding his mask down to cover his face, the look was complete and it was time to move out.

Bathed in blues and greens, the planet was unusually bright for the sector. The other planets either a rusty red or dull grey, orbiting so slowly it was like they'd given up the will to exist and were just waiting for a weblum to come to finish them off. With no appeal on ground, he had no idea why Klearo would choose to stop over here, yet wasn't prepared to look the gift horse in the mouth. Leaving his ship behind he plunged through the thick growth, forced to land a little over two kilometres away from where Klearo's forces were gathered. It wasn't a walk he was looking forward too. Still... when he thought of Klearo choking to death on his own blood, the ache in his legs passed as he picked up the pace with renewed vigour. He was finally going to put an end to the suffering of those the Klearo used and tossed away.

Reaching the clearing where Klearo's gaudy ship was parked, Lance darted through the shadows as he edged his way around the space, slowly counting the guards as he did. Security had risen since the incident on Klearo's original ship. All of them were ridiculously big, and all of them were armed with blasters. He didn't particularly feel like dying before he killed Klearo, yet that seemed to be what was about to happen. More than likely his ship had been picked up on their radar, leaving the droves of guards to play welcome party.

Hearing a rustle in the bushes, Lance wasn't proud of the high pitched squeal he released as two people barrelled into him. His mask stifled some of the scream, yet it was still mortifying for that very long moment before his brain kicked in and he releasing he was striking a pose highly reminiscent of when he'd first met Coran. Raising his blaster, the two aliens in front of him clearly weren't part of Klearo's group. They looked... lost? And glorious under armed  
"Who the Quiznak are you?!"  
Hissing at him, the male stepped back as he asked the question. The female alien taking the male by his arm, whispering something in their own language  
"Me?! Who are you?!"  
"I asked you first"  
The slim alien had a point  
"I'm... Leandro. What are you doing here? Are you with them?"  
"Us!? With them? They have our sister"  
Great. He'd been right. They weren't with Klearo... instead, they were idiots who thought to take him on. Just... great  
"You two need to go"  
"Us?! Who are you? What is a "Leandro", and why do you hurt so?"  
The woman's voice was soft. Once she passed the initial shrill of "us"  
"I'm here to take... you know what, this is stupid. You two are going to get yourself killed. Go home"  
Stepping in front of the woman, the male growled. English was definitely not their first language, leaving him to wonder if he was getting his point across  
"Who are you say that?"  
Facepalming, Lance shook his head  
"I'm here on official business. Not to babysit"  
"You're here to stop Klearo?"  
Thank god the woman had some measure of intelligence  
"Yes. Now you're compromising my mission"  
"Then we shall come with you"  
With armour that looked to be fashioned out of something vaguely kitchenwarey, and a tiny gun each, that wasn't happening  
"No"  
"We help"  
"You'll get in the way!"  
"What makes you so sure? How do we know you don't get in our ways?"  
"Because I know what I'm doing"  
He was running out of patience, that's what he was doing  
"How do we know that? We haven't heard of you"  
"I haven't heard of you either. Look. Your sister is the princess that was taken right?"  
"How do you know?"  
"Because I'm here to help"  
Puffing his chest up, the male strode forward to push Lance in the chest  
"What proof do you have we can trust you? How do we know you are with him?"  
Shoving the stranger back, Lance had had enough. These two were grating on his nerves, and they were making far too much noise to remain hidden for long  
"Because I'm the Red Paladin of Voltron"

Lance didn't expect the swing at his face. Knocked backwards, he tasted blood as he bit his tongue  
"You work for him!"  
Pulling his mask up to uncover his lips, Lance spat next to him  
"I do not work for that man"  
"We say you!"  
He obviously meant "saw"  
"I'm undercover"  
"You were with him!"  
Grabbing her friends arm, the woman pulled him away. The pair dissolving back into conversation in their own language. After a few doboshes, the woman stepped forward  
"We agree to trust you, Paladin. Our sister was taken by Klearo. He wanted her and took her. Please, her name is Annla. Tell her Daehra and Lucteal are here for her. She'll trust you if you do"  
Names were good... but did the princess have to start with "A"? His nerves were already playing up from his having his plans interrupted  
"You two go home. I'll get her out"  
"You will? He wishes for her..."  
"He won't do anything to her. I'll take her place. It's... not unusual where I come from. But you two need to go"  
Shaking her head, Daehra's curls bounced. Her thin lips turned down  
"No. Not without our sister"  
"I can't concentrate knowing you two are out here, in danger. I'll bring her back. She'll be safe"  
Staring into his eyes, the woman took a breath then nodded  
"We will hide. Not leave. They will not find us"  
He wasn't getting better than that. Her gaze said as much  
"Fine. Stay hidden. Here, take my blaster. Those guns of yours won't do you any good"  
"What of you?"  
Handing the weapon over, Lance was sure he'd just signed his own death warrant  
"I'll be fine. Wait, you should take this too"  
Taking off his black communicator, he passed it Daehra  
"If things go bad, call Kre'el. She's a police officer. One of the good ones. You can trust her"  
Kre'el would probably kick his arse when they met again, but he needed to do this. He needed to do this before Annla could be harmed.

Plans were never his strong point if one was to ask his friends. Despite the fact his mind was often so busy he couldn't help but breakdown every step of every plan. This plan would have seemed like he was proving them all right. Walking down the slope towards the ship, he pulled his mask up as he stepped. His hands moving up to the standard "surrender" position as his heart hammered away. It was nerve-wracking as he moved towards the small army of armed soldiers, each with their weapons trained on him  
"Klearo! I know you're in there!"  
With each step he took, he was sure he'd be shot. Reaching the shadow line of the ship, he stood waiting. As greedy as expected, Klearo descended down the loading ramp, three of his previous four personal guards had been replaced with even larger Galra. Starting to clap, Klearo threw his head back and laughed  
"I knew you'd be back. I waited. Then I heard you. My scanners picked up your ship... so I simply had to land and wait. I knew you'd come back to me"  
Talk about rude. Who went around scanning random ships and listened in on people's private breakdowns  
"Take him. Put him in the back. We have much to talk about"

*  
Cells. He freaking loved cells. There was nothing like the cold metal of the smelly space to make you regret your life choices. Shoved in without being patted down, someone was sleeping on the job. Brawn didn't guarantee brains, yet Lance was definitely not complaining. Pulling out one of the small blades from his boot, he went to work on the vent in the centre of the roof of his cell. He wanted nothing more than to breakdown. The space was far more taxing on his fragile mental health than he'd thought it would be, so much so that his hands wouldn't stop shaking as he forced the blade tip into the screw hole. Ventilation wasn't his favourite way to travel. Keith would probably laugh at him to hear that, given how often the blades infiltrated through the ventilation systems. One day shipbuilders were going to put fan systems in, and fuck them all over. Knowing his luck he'd find the one ship that did have them installed, leading to his life ending as ant-sized particles splattered all over the place. At least someone would have to clean him up then, inconveniencing them one last time... despite the fact he wouldn't actually be there to enjoy the moment.

He was only halfway through loosening the screws when they came for him. Hearing the steps approaching, he slid the knife up into the vent. Even if they took the one in his other boot, that one would safely be tucked away for his return. Keith would have been proud... Moving to stand near the door, he forced his body not to tense as the key scraped the lock  
"About time guys. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten me"  
If Lance had to guess, he'd say he'd only been in the cell for around half a quintant. But his sense of time had been thoroughly fucked with so he couldn't say for sure  
"You try anything and I'll shoot you"  
"Aw, guys! You know how to make a man feel special"  
Not only did these Galra lack brains, but they also lacked a sense of humour. Leaning in to sniff at him, Lance ground his teeth to keep from punching the Galra right in his sniffing nose  
"A knocked up bitch. Never mind, we'll take care of that"

As they walked the hall, those words echoed about his head. Knocked up. He knew what the Earth meaning of that was... his body was different now... but knocked up... no. They had to mean the fact he'd been bloodied and broken when he'd broken out last time. Yeah. Nothing to fear... Plus, the hospital would have pointed out something like that. He and Allura had talked about his family, how he wanted kids... was... did she... Oh god. He was freaking out now. Though that mental freak out was overshadowed when he shoved into Klearo's quarters. How the fuck was he getting himself out of this one?!

"Lance. Wonderful to see you again!"  
"Klearo"  
Reclining in a throne-like chair, Klearo nursed a glass of something in one hand as the fingers of the other drummed against the turned wood beneath them  
"I must say, I was impressed by your work. I never thought you'd have it in you"  
False bravado was the best he could hope for. He didn't see Annla, and as much as he wanted to launch himself across the room and tear Klearo's throat out, he had to be careful not to endanger the princess  
"We both know exactly what's "been in me", and we both know why I'm here"  
"Always such a... what is it you humans say? "Stick in the mud"?"  
"That's what happens when the host is so dull"  
Throwing his glass down, Lance flinched reflexively at the sound of it smashing  
"There he is. My timid Paladin. Now. Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now?"  
"Because I'm the keeper of the Red Lion. If you kill me, the Red lion will know"  
"So you are saying I should have killed you at the start? Summoned the Red lion that way?"  
"I'm saying I'm prepared to make a deal"  
"Lance. That means nothing. You are bluffing with an empty hand"  
"The Red lion for the princess"

Rising from his chair, Klearo stalked over to him. Circling around him, Klearo leaned in to sniff at him. He was really sick of being sniffed at  
"Your scent's changed. I can smell your fear. I can smell your lies. Why did you really come back?"  
"To kill you"  
Grabbing him by the hair, Klearo kicked his feet out from under him. His knees hitting the floor painfully, reminding him he really should have invested in knee pads  
"Finally. A truthful answer. Bring the girl in"

Annla was smaller than Lance had expected. The girl's soft blue curls spilling across her bruised face as she clutched at her dirty dress. The little princess timidly looking in his direction before her eyes went wide. She knew who he was, even if he'd never met her in his life. Smiling at her, she offered a tiny one back. She would hardly be any bigger than Nadia... God. This was all so messed up  
"Kiss my feet. Kiss my feet and swear your loyalty..."  
Turning his head back to Klearo, Lance gagged at the mental image the order provided  
"...or we'll take you on this bed. Right here in front of everyone"  
There were at least a dozen steps between him and Annla. The closest solid target being Klearo's throne. The bed was low enough that he wouldn't be able to get beneath it... Annla could... but the little girl was already a bruised mess. He didn't know how fast she could move  
"Not in front of her"  
"You're not in a position to make demands"  
"I doubt the king would wish to hear how you've treated his daughter. Even with the promise of the power of the Red lion"  
"No one cares about her. She's one of many"  
"You wouldn't have taken her if you thought that"  
"You're thoroughly unpleasant"  
Klearo was sending him all kinds of mixed signals  
"I'll take the compliment. Have you guys thought of installing rugs? Or at least buying a guy dinner first?"  
Backhanding his face, Klearo took him by the chin before striking him again. Crying out, Annla struggled as a thick arm looped around her waist and hefted her off her feet  
"Take her away. I thought he might be more accommodating if he saw the little princess, but it hasn't seemed to dent his resolve"  
Of course, it hadn't. He couldn't give in to his fears when Annla was trying her hardest to be strong. She thought him a brave Paladin. He had to be for her. Even though his stomach was rolling as he threw up into his mouth. Klearo's touch felt... revolt or disgust didn't come close. There was probably a million words out there, in all the languages of space something had to exist to describe this feeling. All he could come up with was "wrong". It scared the Quiznak out of him. Reminded him he was still weak. Yet he wouldn't show that Annla. He'd told Daehra and Lucteal he'd save her. So how he was supposed to be "accommodating?". He didn't know what Klearo wanted for him... only he wasn't doing "that" again. Even if it meant upping his plans to get the hell out of here in two quintants after being taken.

Pulled up by his hair, Lance dug his heels in as Klearo pulled him towards the bed. Raising his hand to strike him again, his cowardly streak sprang to life again, sending his body limp enough for Klearo sit him on the edge of the bed. Still holding his hair with one hand, Klearo's other went to his fly  
"Those blue eyes of yours... how I want to pluck them out and eat them. We could create a new empire if only you gave in. I know how much you like it"  
Lance gagged as Klearo undid his fly. The alien stroking himself before pushing the tip against his teeth. No. This wasn't happening. He wasn't going to do that. He couldn't do that. Even if he got himself killed in the process  
"Suck. Or the girl dies"  
Pulling him forward, Lance let the tip slide past his lips. His hunched position bringing his hands closer to his boots without seeming too suspicious. Slipping his fingers into the top, his eyes filled with tears as Klearo rammed forward  
"Ahhh. That's it. My little Paladin pet"  
Catching the top of the knife with his fingers, he drew the blade up.

Klearo didn't see it coming. Biting as hard as he could, Lance brought the knife up to sever the invading appendage. Howling with pain, his guards didn't know what was happening as Lance surged up, lodging the blade as deeply into Klearo's neck as he could get. As chaos dissolved around him, he sat the disgusting hunk of flesh from his mouth as Klearo began to choke on his own blood. It was worth the hair ripped free. Klearo releasing his hair to grab at Lance's wrists as he pushed the knife deeper. As the alien's guards began to fire, Lance kept his hold on Klearo in order to use him as a shield. Gurgling out his name, Lance finally released him once his legs stopped shaking, taking off running across the space as shots were fired in his direction. This was a great fucking plan. He didn't have the slightest idea where Annla was. Logically she couldn't be too far. It'd only been a few doboshes between her leaving and the great fucking of his plan. Feeling a blast hit his side, he pitched forward, sprawling across his stomach and sliding from the impact. Yep. They were shooting to kill... pushing himself up, he ran hunched as his side protested. Rounding the corner at the end of the hall, a leg came out of nowhere. The kick sending him flying backwards into a ship wall. His head smacking against the metal hard enough to see stars. Not content with kicking him once, the soldier grabbed his leg and yanked him down the wall so he was flat on his back.

With his body screaming, the soldier booted into his side, Lance curling around the site where the blow had hit, only for a second booting to hit his wrists. The bodysuit took the brunt of it, and without its thick fabric, he'd be in a hell of a worse situation. As the soldier went for the third kick, Lance kicked out as the man's anchoring foot... with no effect other than pausing. He didn't have time for this. Blasts were still ringing out, and he had a princess to save. Scrambling up, he drove his shoulder into the soldier's stomach as he went for the blaster. Struggling for the weapon, it misfired, taking out half the soldiers chest as it fired and spraying Lance with blood. Spinning the soldier was easier than holding Klearo, Lance able to shove the man's body forward at the closest soldier, before bringing up the blaster  
"Annla! Annla, can you hear me?!"

The ship was too big. He didn't know where she could be. Taking off run-slash-limping, Lance continued to call the princess's name as he did. He wasn't able to land killing shots as he hobbled, but he was able to slow them down. Even if he'd taken another two shots. One to the back of his leg and the second to his left shoulder. His suit didn't prevent the blast from going right through, the pain starting to get too much  
"Annla!"

There was a knock, before by another small knock  
"Mhgh!"  
"Annla?!"  
Two soft thuds answered his cry. By now he'd lost himself in the corridors of the ship. The soldiers had fallen back, taking up positions behind shields and around corners as they waited for his stupid arse to collapse. The door was nothing special, but as he shot the lock away it opened to reveal Annla. Her mouth covered with a white gag, and her hands tied firmly to the white cloth around her neck. Using his back to protect the tiny girl, Lance cursed losing his knife as he struggled to get the gag undone  
"Hi, Annla. That was a bit scary, wasn't it? Your big sister and brother are waiting for you. Daehra and Lucteal? They asked me to come find you"  
Annla's black eyes were filled with tears, Lance swearing softly as he got the gag finally undone  
"Red Paladin?"  
Nodding at her, Lance held a finger to his lips  
"I'm going to get you out of here, but you need to be super-duper quiet for me. Can you do that?"  
Nodding, the girl whimpered as she pulled at what was essentially a noose. He really didn't feel too smart about leaving his blade in the ventilation shaft  
"You've got blood..."  
"I'm ok. This is all the bad guy's blood. I don't have anything to cut this cloth with, so you're going to have to be brave for me a little longer. Ok, your royal highness?"  
"Yes"  
"Good. Up we go"

Carrying Annla slowed him right down. The tiny girl hiding her face against his neck as she jumped with each sound of the blasters. By the time he unlost himself enough to find the loading ramp button, he was reaching his end  
"Annla, when this ramp goes down, I need you to run. Run super fast and straight. Your brother and sister are going to be waiting for you, right at the tree line. Can you do that for me?"  
"No! Not without you!"  
"I have to stop the bad men"  
Her lip was trembling. Her nose a snotty mess. Stripping off the top half of his outer suit, he wiped at her tiny face  
"Annla, do you know about Allura? The brace Altean princess? She taught me how brave princess can be, even young princesses like you..."  
"I can't... they hurt me..."  
He hadn't factored in her not being able to run... shit. If she fell, she'd be dead  
"Ok... ok. I didn't know, here, hold on tight for me and keep your eyes closed"

The guards started firing as the door lowered. Running for his life, Lance zigzagged like there was no tomorrow as he raced for the tree line. Hit again, the blast tore through his bodysuit, burning up his left side as Lance cried out in pain. He nearly didn't make it to the tree lines, until Lucteal and Daehra began supplying cover for the pair of them. They were worse than Pidge with a blaster, but with one about 50 metres away from the other, the soldier's attentions were split, allowing him to finally stumble up over the rise to where Daehra was waiting. Pushing Annla into her arms, Lance snatched the blaster from Daehra, far more comfortable with that one than the one he'd stolen  
"Leandro!?"  
Shaking his head, his mouth was filled with the taste of blood. Who would have thought biting would work so well?  
"Take her and go"  
"You're injured"  
"And this isn't over. Take her..."  
Setting Annla down, Daehra drew a knife out to slice through her little sister's bindings  
"Leandro..."  
Gritting his teeth, his head was throbbing. He was coming down hard from missing his daily injection... and colourful cocktail pill chaser  
"Get out of here..."  
"I..."  
"Go!"

Backing away, Daehra nodded. The woman gathering up Annla into her arms as she started away from him. Given he was pretty much going to die anyway, Lance stumbled back towards the ship. He'd accomplished he goal. Hell yeah, he'd accomplished his goal. A smile wide on his lips as he thought of the shock it all would have been to Klearo. The man was even stupider than Sendak was. Now all he had to do was take care of the remaining forces.

If Lance had listened to Daehra, he would have known she'd called Kre'el when he'd failed to reappear with Annla the previous day. Hitting the ship with a long yellow blast, seven of the Erathian police's best cruisers came into battle as Lance dragged himself out from behind the broken tree he'd squatted down behind to catch his breath. With blood loss and shock, his mind wasn't processing. His body a bloodied mess as he forced himself on. When an explosion blew out right in front of his feet, Lance came to some of his senses as he shot in the direction of the blast. His ears were shot, ringing from proximity to the boom. He couldn't quite remember how he'd got to where he was. Had he hit his head? Did that happen?

"Leandro!"  
Turning around, he cocked his head sideways as Daehra came running down the slope from the forest. The woman making it down in a quarter of the time it'd taken him  
"Come. You must come"  
Grabbing his wrist, Daehra recoiled, shaking her hand before grabbing his wrist again  
"Leandro, come!"  
"You... not here?"  
Who was with Annla? He must have hit his head. That... would explain a few things  
"Annla refused to leave without you. Please, we must go"  
"Them"  
"Please, Leandro. The police have arrived"  
The policia? Was Marco in trouble? Or was Rachel in trouble again? 

Closing his eyes, he felt himself being pulled along. He felt so sick. Why was he so sick? It was worse than when he, Veronica and Rachel had stolen that bottle of gin from his tio...


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much more then we'll be starting to swap back and forth between our precious idiots...

"I think he waking. Leandro? Leandro?"

A soft voice ruined Lance's sleep. He hadn't remembered falling asleep, and as he pushed his heavy eyelids open, he found himself in a ship he also didn't remember. Drawing back from the hand on his leg, his heart began to race. Klearo...  
"Leandro, shhh. I am Daehra. You remember?"  
God. His head hurt like a Quiznak. His mother would have beaten him black and blue if she knew how many times he'd taken the lords name in vain  
"Daehra..."  
The woman he'd met in the woods...  
"... Annla?"  
"She is fine. Thanks be to you"  
"Wha... ugh... sorry. My head feels fuzzy"  
"I do not know your medication. I gave you dose, but you need more?"  
"The yellow one"  
"The yellow liquid? I get"  
Daehra's broken English was comforting. It reminded him of his friends back home who'd never quite gotten the hang of English. The only problem was, he needed someone to explain what the quiznak had happened.

Dosing him with the yellow painkiller, Lance's pain finally began to recede. His stomach felt tender and crampy, and his scalp was throbbing, yet with all he'd been through, he was amazed he didn't feel worse. Moving his right arm, a small amount of discomfort emanated from the area. When he looked down, he found a cannula with a drip line connected. Clumsily grabbing for it, Daehra caught his hand  
"I'm sorry. I know you care no for human touch. The line helps with your cycle pain"  
His what now?  
"My... cycle?"  
"Your cycle. You bleed like woman, that is natural isn't it?"  
Lifting the sheet, he stared down in shock. The brown padded cloth beneath his arse was red, as were his thighs. He didn't randomly bleed. He didn't bleed without a "heat"... and his stupid body hadn't had one... pushing the sheet down, Daehra blushed  
"It is natural? Males from your planet?"  
"Some males do..."  
He wasn't... what? He had the feeling he was forgetting something about it all. His brain was only able to process so much at that moment in time. Right now, it was focused on the fact he was bleeding  
"You did not expect your cycle?"  
"No. Not really... is there anything else wrong?"  
"Your wounds healed remarkably fast. You have been asleep for a quintant. You heal fast"  
"My body isn't quite human"  
"I fear your marks are not showing either. I am sorry. I shall find a way to restore them"  
Whatever Daehra had dosed him up with, wasn't available on Erathus. They hadn't found a way to erase his marks for him. Lessen the brightness they could do, then he could another them with makeup, but if Daehra had found a way to get rid of him... what was one more drug between friends?  
"It's fine. Thank you... where..."  
"You on my ship, heading to my planet with us"  
No. No. That wasn't the plan  
"I... what? Why?"  
"Kre'el said you come. She takes your ship"  
"Kre'el?"  
"You friend. Yes?"  
"You talked to her?"  
"When you didn't return with Annla. I call. She found me helping you. She said to take you"  
"Ah... that makes sense"  
"She was not happy"  
"Kre'el didn't mean it. She's a good person" is what he wanted to say. Instead, he finally lost his battle to stay awake, mumbling out a string of Spanish as he slipped under.

Waking to a small body laying against his, Lance swatted at his relative. His mami knew not to let the kids into his room, but being kids, they didn't always listen. They were lucky he hadn't had a nightmare, or he'd be being shots of sympathy and pity as his mami calmed the kids. Stirring next to him, Annla's small face filled his vision. Before he knew what was happening, she wrapped her arms around him  
"She did not want leave your side"  
Prying the girl off of him, Lance didn't know how to tell her he wanted to let go. She was innocent, while he was... dirty. Letting him go on her own accord Annla raised a hand to his forehead, like a mother checking for fever  
"Annla. You are making him uncomfortable"  
"He hurts"  
"I know. We will help. I need to speak with him"  
"Ok..."  
Leaning in, Annla kissed his cheek  
"... Thank you, Paladin Lance"

To Annla is was an innocent thank you. To Lance, the sensation of lips against his skin threatened to send him over the edge. He couldn't breathe freely until Annla had moved past Daehra, and from his line of vision  
"She means no ill will"  
"I know"  
"How do you feel?"  
"Better... stomach feels kind of gross"  
Beneath his arse felt wet. Cramps rolled through his stomach with such intensity he wanted to curse the world  
"It is your cycle. It is a heavy bleed"  
He was still... wait... on the ship... oh... oh...  
"Leandro? Leandro, are you alright?"  
Rushing to the side of his bed, Lance held out his hand to stop Daehra  
"It's nothing..."  
"Leandro, I feel you pain"  
A bitter laugh bubbled out before Lance would stop it. Daehra took no offence as she sat on the very edge of the tiny bed  
"Our race... for we feel and sense things. It works better when we touch, but I know you no care for touch. I do not mean to pry, perhaps you should eat, then we talk. We shall reach my planet late next quintant"  
Then what was he supposed to do? And what did she mean they could feel and sense things? Like an alien mood ring? He didn't want people knowing his business. He didn't even want to know his business  
"I can feel your anger. I will not push. Physically you have healed. Only scar remain. My brother will help you dress and eat. I will speak with Annla"  
"Is she... ok?"  
"Annla? Yes. Thanks to you. Her bruises fade but they did not do to her to you"  
"I... what... what do you know?"  
Daehra shifted. It was all over her face that she knew. She knew everything...  
"It is not my business. You carry much pain. I pick it up, even when you wish not. I have cream for you. To help. Once bleed passes"  
The pain her in her tone told him how much grief her abilities had brought her. She didn't want to pry, but she had no way to stop his emotions flooding her senses. Even if this was all out of pity, she had dragged him out before he'd gotten himself killed... and for some unknown reason, he was grateful for that. Possibly because his mother wouldn't be getting a notification he'd died... he didn't want to live, but he didn't want to do that to her after she'd suffered so long thinking he was dead when they'd found blue  
"I'm sorry Daehra. I don't..."  
"I understand. Lucteal will help you dress"

*  
Daehra's ship was older and smaller than his own. She called it a ship, where Lance called it a pod. Lucteal had helped him dress, not at all phased by Lance's bleeding as he passed him a folded cloth to wear between his legs. Having been tended to by the three strange aliens, he found himself unusually bashful as he sat in the spare seat of the pod. He still wasn't sure about any of this, but they didn't need to help him. They could have taken Annla and gone like he'd told them to. Instead, they'd called Kre'el and saved his life while he was at it. Breaking off the edge of the "food" block Lucteal had given him, Lance forced himself to eat. There was no real taste or real texture, yet with 3 pairs of eyes on him, he couldn't simply say he wasn't hungry. Not that he had any idea what to say what it was  
"It isn't much. Our people have not much since Galra came"  
"No. No... I've had worse. Believe me"  
"I can feel the honesty in your word. You have question?"  
"A few"  
"I am Daehra. This is my brother Lucteal. Our sister Annla. Our mothers was king's subject. After Galra come, he had many children. The queen gave birth to Annla"  
"Mothers" and "queen". So they were the children of the king's lovers? Illegitimate children...  
"You find strange?"  
"No. I haven't lived your life. It's not my place to judge. Besides, I too would do anything for my family"  
"You have family?"  
Nodding, Lance swallowed down the tasteless food. Inching closer, Annla placed her hands on the side of the chair as she stared up at him. The bruising on her face was already fading. She'd been through something that had probably terrified her, yet there she was with her sparkling black eyes. In those eyes, he was some kind of hero  
"Yeah. I come from a big family. I have two older brothers and two older sisters. But our house is always full of people. It's always really loud... I have a niece and nephew around your age Annla"  
"Annla, let Leandro eat"  
Rocking on her heels, Lance knew that enthusiasm too well. The little princess was dying of curiosity  
"It's ok. Maybe keep her away when I'm sleeping though"  
"She should know better"  
"She's a kid. It's fine, really. I might not have magical powers, but think Princess Annla wants to ask me something"  
Annla nodded  
"Did you really fly in magical cats?!"  
"Yep. I flew the blue one and the red one. We lived in a castle that floated in space"  
"With Princess Allura?"  
Lance's heart gave a pained throb at the thought of Allura, his smile turning sad before he rallied  
"Yeah. She was crazy smart, beautiful and brave. Just like you"  
Annla giggled  
"And there's the former Black Paladin Keith. They call him the heir to Daibazaal. He didn't even know he was part alien! And Shiro, he had as this magical robot arm that's powered by the crystal from Allura's tiara"  
"Daehra says I don't like act like a princess"  
"That's because you're always playing outside. Always getting clothes dirty and you hair in a mess"  
"Hair is stupid anyway"  
Annla's curls were beautiful. The shimmering blues shone like the night sky  
"I think it's very pretty. Blue is my favourite colour"  
Annla's face brightened  
"You do?!"  
"Very pretty"  
"It gets messy"  
Pushing off the chair, Annla grabbed two sections of her hair, lifting them up as she poked her tongue out. The curls were matted into thick knots... no doubt thanks to her treatment  
"Annla! Do not be rude"  
"She's fine. Annla, I used to help Princess Allura with her hair. Do you want me to do yours too?"  
"Leandro, that is not necessary"  
Annla's face fell at Daehra's words. The girl deserved some happiness, even if it was only as a distraction. It'd always been easier with kids anyway. They expected him to be dumb tio Lance  
"I don't mind. Daehra, do you have a comb? And a ribbon?"  
"Leandro. Do not think..."  
"I'm offering because I want to. It's fine, really"

Keeping Annla busy gave him an outlet for his nerves. Lucteal was busy piloting the ship, while Daehra was busy talking to him for the most part. Sitting on the tiny bed, Annla was happy to talk at him for vargas. Switching between her weird English and her own language. It made him miss Sylvio and Nadia even more, and his little baby cousin who'd only been a few months old when he'd left. He'd wanted kids. He'd wanted a whole brood of children. Allura had known that, and while he'd tried to rationalise all the changes in his body, his mind whispered that maybe she knew. Maybe she'd known how he cared for Keith... and her gift... was a gift for where she saw them together, having a family of their own... Adoption would have been easier... but Allura had always taken things to the extreme when it came to family. Perhaps she didn't understand after losing hers the way she had... With those thoughts gradually invading his mind each time he looked to Annla, Lance found himself both wishing the girl was home already and praying that when she did finally arrive home, that her mother and father realised her true worth as a person rather than a commodity.

Annla's home planet was depressing. That was Lance's first thought as Lucteal landed the pod on the planet's grey surface. Grey everything had been popular for a while on Earth. House after house painted grey, with no style or flare like one found in older houses. He was tired of grey. It wasn't calming or soothing. It was simply repetitive. Moving to America had come as shock. Cuba was filled with life and colours. Houses and stores with fading paint in all the colours of the rainbow. He knew blue was a pretty standard colour to be someone's favourite colour, but what he loved was watching the sunset over the beach. The way the cool blues darkened. The way the waters were dyed reds, purples, oranges and pinks, yet come the following day, the water would be the same refreshing and welcoming blue it always was. Or had been until the Galra came. He missed colour. Erathus had been good like that. Colour. Lights. Sounds. The planet had plenty, no matter where you went there was a bright neon light advertising something.

As the ship's loading ramp lowered, Lance stood at the top. He wasn't going down there. He still needed to get back to Erathus, and if he was to see Annla's father, he was sure he'd end up murdering the man. Holding Lucteal's hand, Annla watched him with big eyes as her brother led her towards the exit. Her heels digging in when Lance didn't step down the ramp  
"Paladin Leandro?"  
"I have to stay here, Annla"  
"Why? I thought you were coming"  
"I can't. I have to call my friends and find a way back to where I live"  
Annla's lip quivered. Squatting down, Lucteal let Annla's hand go so she could run to him  
"Do you not like us?"  
"It's not that, Annla. I have to go back to my job. Helping other people out there"  
"I don't want you to"  
Smiling at the girl, he wiped the forming tears away  
"I have to. But you're going to be fine. You've got all your siblings, and you're so brave. Can you be brave for me?"  
"Like Princess Allura?"  
"Yeah. Just like Allura. You're going to be a leader for your people one day. They're all going to look up to you to protect them"  
"I don't know if I can"  
"Want to know a secret? None of the best leaders think they can. But guess what, that fear is what gives them strength. And I know how strong you are"  
"Will I see you again?"  
Holding his pinky out, Lance nodded  
"On Earth, we have a custom. We hook our little fingers together and we shake. It's called a pinky promise. You can't ever break a pinky promise"  
"Really?"  
"Really, truly"  
Linking her little finger with his, they shook  
"Good girl. Now you go with your brother and sister"  
"Thank you for saving me"  
"You're most very welcome"  
Kissing his cheek, Annla dramatically pulled her finger away as she rushed back to Lucteal. When Lucteal went to take her hand, the princess shook it off. She was going to be just fine.

Daehra paused by the top of the ramp, the woman worrying her bottom lip  
"I'm alright. I'll give Kre'el a call and organise something"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. You go. Take your sister home. Make sure she isn't bossing Lucteal around"  
"I will come back. Please wait here"  
"You should be with your family"  
Daehra scowled him. He knew that scowl all too well  
"You stay here. I will return"  
Raising his hands in surrender, Lance nodded  
"Understood. I'll stay here"  
"Good. Thank you, Leandro. I must go"

Being left on Daehra's pod alone felt weird. It seemed smaller than before now that he was the only one aboard. Sliding into the pilot's seat, he let out a hiss of discomfort. Cramps sucked. All he wanted to do was curl up with chocolate and a heat pack. He knew he wasn't hiding his pain from the three empathy, but it'd been nice to not have it rubbed in his face. They knew what happened. He knew what happened. And it was what it was. Pulling his legs up, he tapped on his communicator, before pulling the call up to the ship's screen. Ringing a hand full of times, Kre'el looked livid as her face filled the screen  
"Leandro! What the Quiznak where you thinking?!"  
"Hey, Kre'el. How's everything?"  
"Don't try to be charming! What were you thinking? Are you even alright? You were covered in blood, Leandro! Blood! Do you know how worried I've been?"  
"I'm sorry, Kre'el. It was hard to call. I'm alright. I'm hanging out on Annla's planet right now"  
"But the blood?"  
"Wasn't mine. Mostly..."  
"Yes, well. I'm still upset at you. You could have been seriously hurt"  
"Kre'el. I'm ok. A little banged up, but ok. Now, please tell me what the quiznak happened after you guys showed up"  
"Klearo died before we could apprehend him. Blood loss will do that. Those alive are being transported for detention. The whole ship was a goddamn mess. What did you do?"  
"It's not my fault. You exactly the kind of man he was, and he wanted to do that Annla"  
"You got lucky. That's what happened. You got quiznakking lucky"  
Lance hung his head in shame, before growing angry at himself. No. He wasn't ashamed of what he'd done. Klearo had taken so much from him, it was only fair he took his life  
"You know exactly what he did. I couldn't let him do that to her! I couldn't let him do that to anyone, and you know it. That's why you clued me in on everything in the first place. I don't regret it"  
Kre'el's face softened  
"I was scared we were too late. I was scared I'd messed up and got you killed. You have no idea how relieved I am"  
"I'm sorry... Soooo... What happens next?"  
Kre'el rolled her eyes at him. Lance knowing he was forgiven  
"My boss doesn't want this getting any bigger than what it is. I can't say I'll miss Klearo's crew, or the trouble they brought all of us... but you'll need to keep your head low for a little longer. His associates aren't going to be impressed, and until they've taken out enough of themselves to quieten down, I'd prefer you to be careful. We've had enough disappearances around here. Your lucky arse is getting paid to keep your mouth shut, and because I am a stellar friend, I dragged that piece of shit you call a ship back to Erathus. Might have even thrown a few things your way"  
"Aw, Kre'el. What would I do without you?"  
"The thought scares me"  
"Hey!"  
"Don't you "hey" me. You're about four decades too young to be talking to me like that"  
Galra had damn good genes when it came to longevity, even without tainted quintessence in their systems  
"You'll always be gorgeous on me"  
"That's enough. When are you coming back?"  
"When you come to get me?"  
"Nice one, Leandro. You should have been a comedian"  
"Come on, Kre'el! How am I supposed to get home?"  
"Not with me. Consider this your punishment for making me worry. And call your damn family. You've been gone over a movement"  
"Yeah. Yeah. I will. Thanks, Kre'el"

Hanging up on him, Lance had nothing to do with his time now the call was over. His communicator he used to talk to his family was on Erathus. He could lift Daehra's pod, it wouldn't be hard, but she'd asked him to wait... and she'd figured out how to hide his marks. He still wasn't sure he was used to the lack of Allura, yet he also knew that he wouldn't have been able to move forward with her constant presence there. He wasn't sure he ever could move on anymore. Too much had happened. He'd thought when he'd killed Klearo that his anger would fade. That the broking nothingness inside him would somehow be fixed... yet, as he sat there all alone, he didn't know what to do. He didn't have Annla there to distract him. He didn't have anyone there to stop his mask from slipping. He could taste the blood in his mouth. Feel the pressure against his lips. Smell Klearo on his skin. He didn't want to cry, but everything was so fucked up. Saving Annla hadn't made up for letting Allura go. It never would have. Annla was Annla. Allura was Allura. And he was the broken man left to miscarry the thing they'd put inside of him... Daehra didn't know. She didn't know anything about it... but Lance did. The Galra had said he was knocked up, and now he was bleeding and cramping. He'd never thought he could carry... just that he made Galra horny with his messed up body. Allura had probably tried to make him more appealing for Keith, so did they mean she'd never seen a real future for him and her? God. He really was just a stupid boy from Cuba. There he was, having a mental breakdown because no one was paying him any attention. How fucking stupid could he get?!

Lance was still sniffling softly when steps echoed off the ramp into the ship. Launching himself out the pilot's chair, his weapon wasn't in sight as his hand went to his hip. Coming up the ramp, Lucteal and Daehra were both carrying baskets overflowing with... stuff? It looked like clothes, food and... bedding?  
"Leandro! You wait!"  
"Daehra? What is all of that?"  
"We come with you"  
Lucteal's voice was firm, his sister nodding at his words. Wiping his eyes, Lance shook his head  
"No. You're finally home with your family"  
"Our family not even notice we gone. We like you. We stay with you"  
"But... you're home?"  
"Father has many kids. He not notice we gone"  
Lucteal looked particularly bitter as spat the words out. Lance might by the smallest bit lonely... No. These two had no training...  
"We come with you. You need someone who medicine. I do that. Lucteal. He trained in palace. He good hand-to-hand"  
Waving his hands, Lance was starting to panic  
"Wait. No. You guys can't..."  
"We can and we are"  
"You don't even know what I do!"  
"You help. You have kind heart. We help you"  
"You guys can't, it's dangerous"  
"Exactly. You need friends, Leandro. Someone to back you up on mission. Call Kre'el. Please. We cannot stay here. The Galra destroyed our world. We want to travel and bring things back. Help. Lucteal, you pilot. Leandro, you come. I have thread to fix your clothes"  
"I... I can't be in charge of your lives. I can't..."  
Gripping his chest, he stumbled back. Daehra placing down the basket she held at the top of the ramp  
"Leandro. We choose this. For the second time in our life, we choose this. To leave this planet. Besides, Annla ordered us to keep you safe. Who are we to deny our princess?"  
"I..."  
"You must breathe. We sit. You don't need to talk. But must breathe"  
"Why... why, me?"  
"You have great heart. You are hurt, but you care. You fight and strong. I can think of no one better to be our first off-world friend, Leandro of Earth"  
Lance wasn't sure he deserved friends. He wasn't sure he could keep either alien safe... but... friends. He missed friends. Besides, how else was going to get back to Erathus?  
Plus he had a little princess to think of... He might have been making excuses thanks to the profound loneliness he'd felt while left alone for a few vargas on Daehra's ship, but he still found himself nodding. As long as the pair didn't mind tolerating him for who he was.

Three phoebs later, he was still having his arse saved by the pair of them as their team started to grow. Lucteal there to provide backup when it counted. Daehra there to soothe them both after a bad day. There to stitch whichever teammate they picked up along the way and needed help. Out of his newly built team, it was Lucteal and Daehra who would push him the most. Who would listen to his plans and ideas, help him navigate this weird new crew he'd picked up. He didn't see himself as a leader, yet he'd bend over backwards just to make sure that those two didn't see the ugly reality of space. It was those two who never left his side, no matter how stupid he was or how angry he got. Daehra with her gentle therapy that wasn't quite therapy. She always knew what to say, and not to push the bounds. They let him hide beneath the mask of Leandro. They let him do what needed to in order to cope. 

It wasn't the same as Voltron. The thrill of it all passing far too soon into repetition. His nights spent in a drug-induced haze as he lied his way through his pain. Nothing he was doing was healthy. If Daehra or Lucteal weren't forcing him to eat, he'd rather not eat at all. He'd lost weight. He'd lost his spark. When he looked in the mirror he couldn't stomach the coward facing back. He cut more. Each time he brought someone in, he marked his skin. The lines now running up his side. He used his body to get what he wanted, to lure his prey to his bedroom where he'd take them out. Or back to their room if he wasn't at the club. He was doing absolutely everything he could to keep himself busy and moving. But in the quiet hours of the night, when the world slept, it fucking hurt to breathe. He started keeping a knife under his pillow when his dreams got so bad he no longer knew what was real. The pain would bring him back. The pain made it real... but sometimes... sometimes it was too much. Sometimes Lucteal would break his promise of not touching him, and hold him when he crumbled. Though more often then not, his panicked state would lead to him hyperventilating bad enough that he'd pass out. Waking in the morning to find himself curled into a corner with stiff muscles. Four phoebs and he should be over it. Four phoebs... and he still couldn't get the feel of their hands off his skin. He couldn't get the sounds from his mind. He couldn't stand in a room with more than two Galra without nearly panic attacking himself into murder. Nothing he knew was helping. Everything has spiralled so far out of control he didn't know how to come back. He hunted down his prey, oblivious to the danger he put himself in to do so. He wasn't dead... but he sure as hell wasn't living either.


	16. Chapter 16 - Both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here we'll be getting both POVs from our two idiots. The next couple of chapters is softest Keith. I adore soft Keith, and being with his mum really helped to knock off those sharp edges. Our boy is in for a hell of an emotional ride...

Throwing another branch of the Fire he'd built, Keith sighed softly to himself. He'd gotten them both out the ridiculous magnetic waves with the help of Zak's program, only for Lance to wake up screaming. His crush so out of it, he'd nearly ended up crashing the stupid pod as Lance tried to take control. He'd intended to take Lance away from everyone. To let him recover, despite the fact they were supposed to rendezvous with the Telula. Instead, he had to fight Lance off while calling Daehra to ask what he could use to safely sedate Lance before Lance got them both killed. Kosmo hadn't helped at all, yipping and barking like it was all a game, the sound seemed to only make things worse for Lance and needless to say, the wolf had grounded in the pod while Keith sat under the starry sky with Lance sleeping by his side. Daehra hadn't liked him leaping to drugs as an option, but with the way Lance was yelling and ranting, she'd finally relented. How did he fix this? Any of this? His best fucking friend had been sexually abused, and he'd been off delivering aide when he should have been there for Lance through it all. There was nothing he could say that would make it better. Lance didn't hate him. It wasn't that he'd done anything "wrong" towards him. The idiot had kept all his pain to himself and now he'd hit his breaking point. He hated all of it. He hated it so much he'd broken down and sobbed for Lance's loss of innocence. His still felt puffy, his head sore, from the chronic onslaught of emotions that swirled around his mind. Lance was the kindest, more pure-hearted, and loving person he knew. His team clearly loved him. They all appreciated him in a way Voltron should have. And now, thanks to him, the wounds stitched closed after phoebs of work, had been torn open. The bottled infection that had been brewing now spreading back through Lance's body, stealing the light from his eyes as its poison spread. Sniffling pathetically, he wanted to throw everything away. He wanted to take Lance by the hand and run forever from the memories that hurt him. But Lance wouldn't run away with him. He probably didn't even wish for Keith to know. He already didn't want him to stay... and losing Lance... it left him feeling like the same scared boy staring down at his father's grave. He wanted Lance to be his family. His home. He was already his strength and support. He kept him anchored despite everything. How could he begin to be that for Lance?

"Keith?"  
Keith's breath caught as a soft hand reached for his leg. Blinking up at him, Lance's eyes were filled with tears. The flames of the fire dancing on his long lashes as he blinked again. With timid moves, his friend drew himself up curl in on himself. His hand holding onto the fabric on Keith's pants loosely. For anyone else, the gesture would be easily dismissed, but all Keith could think about in that moment was the courage it must take for Lance to reach for him  
"I'm here"  
"I..."  
Sniffling hard, Lance's bottom lip quivered as looked away. Tremors shook Lance's shoulders as the first small sob escaped his lips. Dressed in clothes he'd found in the pod, Lance looked fragile as his collarbone peeked out from beneath the loose fabric. Without thinking, Keith gathered Lance into his lap, arms wrapped firmly around him as he held him close, Lance wailing against him  
"I fucked up!"  
"It's not your fault"  
"Ugh! I... don't know what to do..."  
"Shhhh. You don't have to know anything"  
"Ugh... ugh... I... don't want to... be... like this..."  
"I know. I know, buddy. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. It's just you and me"  
"I'm so stupid. Stupid. Stupid!"  
Lance's hand went to his hair as he yelled the last stupid. Catching it before he could pull out any more of those soft chocolate locks, Keith brought his hand down to hold it between them  
"You are not stupid"  
"I am! I..."  
"You are not stupid"  
Hiccuping, Lance started to hyperventilate  
"I... I... can't..."  
Rubbing Lance's back, his friend didn't flinch like he'd expected  
"Shhh. You don't have to explain. You don't have to force yourself to relive it..."  
"I... thought... when... I killed him... it would get better... I... can feel... him..."  
Of course, it wouldn't get better for Lance. His noble heart would have driven him crazy over his own actions  
"Lance, I need you to try and breathe for me"  
"I... c-can't..."  
"I can see that. Here... put your hand on my chest... feel that... feel me breathing. I need you to breathe with me. Ok?"  
"C-can't..."  
"You can. I know you can. Here... here, come on..."  
Rearranging the long tangle on limbs, Keith moved Lance so he was sitting in his lap facing him. Placing both of Lance's hands on his chest, he took the Cuban's face in his hands, forcing Lance to meet his eyes  
"Here... breathe in with me... and out with me..."  
He knew there were all kinds of things people did to help with panic attacks, but the breathing one was the one that stuck with him. It was what Shiro had used a hundred and one times, and it didn't force Lance to concentrate on the things around them. The last thing he needed was Lance pushing himself too far or thinking he was stupid because he couldn't name everything he smelt... which, if he said anything other than sea salt, rotten citrus and maybe just the hint of juniper flowers, would have been a wasted answer anyway. All Keith could see was Lance. All he could focus on was Lance.

Bringing Lance's breathing under control, the younger male collapsed into his hold. His forehead pressed against Keith's chest between his palms  
"I'm... sorry"  
"No. Hey. You did nothing wrong"  
"I did everything fucking wrong"  
"You weren't supposed to know"  
"I don't think any less of you"

Those were the wrong words. Climbing off his lap, Lance balled himself up on the blankets Keith had brought for the ship for him to lay on. He'd changed Lance out of his suit after he'd woken up agitated, thinking maybe the suit was what had made things worse for him. The warmth and weight of Lance was missed the moment he was off, but it'd be selfish to pull him back against him purely because he needed the reassurance that Lance was still alive  
"Are you hungry? I have some food here?"  
"I don't want to eat... sorry"  
"Maybe some water"  
"Keith, stop. Ok. Just stop"  
"Stop what?"  
He'd stop whatever Lance wanted him to stop... if he knew what that was  
"You. Being so nice. It's not... you"  
That... stung. That stung far more than it should have with what Lance was going through  
"Lance..."  
"Stop being nice! Stop! Just stop! I can't take it!"  
Yelling into his knees, Lance let out a soft whimper as he wrapped his arms tighter around his legs  
"You did nothing wrong. Those people who... hurt you..."  
"God. You can't even say it. They raped me. They held me down... gagged me... and fucked me until I came... I was so scared... but I... fucking came... ugh... ugh..."  
Lance's breathing hitched, his friend breaking his self hold to throw up near his feet. Reaching out to comfort him, Lance slapped his hand away. His eyes filled with self-loathing and guilt as he looked to him. His words a soft mumble, as more tears rushed down his cheeks  
"I came... I don't understand... I didn't want to... I didn't... it hurt so bad... but I did... what's wrong with me?"  
Softly he reached for Lance again, his voice barely above a broken whisper as tears rolled down his own face  
"Lance... there is nothing wrong with you"  
"You weren't there!"  
Flinching, Keith's hand dropped  
"I know"  
"They wanted Red. That's what it was all about... he wanted a p-pet Paladin..."  
The lions had gone. To where no one knew... it struck Keith at that moment that it could have been any one of them. Watching Lance like this, he cursed the universe for not letting him be the one who'd been there instead  
"They pinned me down... gagged me... I screamed and I screamed but the didn't stop. He didn't stop... he didn't..."  
"Lance. What they did to you..."  
"I deserved it..."  
Anger flared through every part of Keith at those three small words  
"No! No. No... Lance. You didn't deserve it. No one deserves that"  
"I did... I do... I deserve it all"

Fuck it. Lance needed something more than words. Shuffling closer, he ignored Lance's whimper as he pulled him back into a firm hug, both arms wrapped around Lance's shoulders as he shook his head  
"You did not deserve it. God. If I could take this pain from you, I would in an instant. You're my best friend. You're my best friend I had no idea. I..."  
His dangerously close confession was cut off  
"Don't..."  
"Lance"  
"Keith... don't... not you too"  
That took a right turn...  
"Not me too, what?"  
"My... body... Allura changed it... something in my scent... attracts Galra. They kept telling me I smelt good... she brought me back wrong... and now I'm... wrong. I should have... died..."  
"No, Lance. No. I've cared about you for years now. You were my first friend apart from Shiro. You made living on the castle bearable. You. God. You deserve sunshine and daisies. All the fucking good things in this world"  
Lance sniffled loudly, while somehow managing to snort at the same time  
"I don't deserve anything"  
"You do"  
"I'm dirty"  
Ignoring what he meant, Keith swayed Lance gently  
"We both are"  
"I killed people"  
"I have too"  
"You... do it because it's your job... I... did because I wanted to... and it felt good..."  
A moment too long passed as Keith tried to articulate what he wanted to say  
"See. I'm just a sad loser from Cuba. I wrecked my family. Got raped. Got tortured. I'm addicted to drugs. I have fucking panic attacks and nightmares for no reason! I kill people and now I find those people... aren't even dead... I couldn't stop Allura from sacrificing herself. I couldn't stop Klearo from raping me. I couldn't get away... I could never do anything right! I wasn't a good Paladin. I was never as good as you. I wasn't smart and cool like Shiro. I can't cook like Hunk, or fix things like Pidge. Allura only dated me because Lotor was a dick... I couldn't even kill myself"  
"Lance, none of that is true"  
"I hate that name. I hate Lance"  
"Why? Why would you say that?"  
"Because he... can't ever be good enough... I just want it all to stop"  
Lance was more than good enough. He'd always been more than he thought he was  
"We'll get through this"  
"I don't think I can. I don't even know if I want to anymore. I'm so tired, Keith. I'm so tired of being alive. I can't function anymore. I didn't even want a fucking team... but I was lonely... it's all a fucking joke. You weren't supposed to know"  
"Knowing changes nothing about the way I feel about you"  
"I don't need your pity"  
"It's not pity. You're still you. You're just a slightly bad arse bounty hunter you"  
"I got Kre'el killed... she's... gone because of me and I didn't even know!"  
"Shhh..."  
"I... don't know what to do"  
"I don't either, but you're not alone. I'm going to be right beside you"  
"You can't... you have your own life"  
"I'm making this choice for me"  
"I don't want you throwing your life away"  
"I'm not"  
"You are!"  
"I'm not throwing my life away. I don't have much of a life without you. Nothing was the same with you on Earth. I thought... I was ok with you staying there if it meant you were truly happy"  
Emotionally exhausted, the resignation in Lance's voice was breaking his already broken heart in a whole other way  
"Happy? I can't remember the last time I was happy. My family were scared of me... no one knew what to do. I killed my girlfriend and came back... but I didn't fit there anymore. I planted fields of junipers and she never came back, Keith... she never loved me at all. She was... attracted to the bit of her soul in me... she never loved me for me"  
"Lance, she cared. We all saw it"  
"Loving someone is different from being in love... now I'm here. And she's gone..."  
"I know she is"  
"Rachel said I was a lady killer... she was right..."  
"No, Lance. Allura made her choice. None of this is your fault. None of it"

When Lance didn't reply, Keith waited for a few ticks before brushing the hair back from his face. Having cried himself to sleep, Keith wished he could do the same. Having built for so long, when the first wave of emotion came crashing through Lance, he'd lost all control. Everything had poured out in one horrific story. How Lance got out of bed in the morning, he didn't know. Keith felt crushed from the weight of Lance's confession, and he'd literally just heard it all. Giving Lance a few more moments to fall into a deeper sleep, Keith then went about removing the blanket covered in watery sick. With no food in his belly, it'd been more spit and bile than proper vomit. Laying Lance down, he wanted to respect Lance's wishes, but he simply couldn't let him go. Spooning up behind him, Lance fitted perfectly into his hold. How could anyone hurt such a beautiful creature? How could they ignore his cries? His screams? How Keith wished they were alive so he could take his time very slowly killing them.

*  
Sleeping late, Lance wasn't in his hold when Keith woke up. Scrambling up, Keith span in circles. His heart starting to pound in panic. Lance had been so broken... so hopeless and helpless...  
"Lance! Lance?! Lance, where are you?!"  
His voice died in his throat as he whipped around. Daehra's pod was still there... Lance couldn't be too far. Running over to the pod the ramp was down, Keith barreling up and into the pod as he continued to panic  
"Lance!?"  
Picking up the discarded clothes, something small dropped to the floor. The tiny camera Daehra had fitted him with. He'd forgotten about the camera with everything that had happened. He'd only been focused on getting Lance as far away from that stupid outpost as possible. 

Placing the clothes down on the spare chair, he retrieved the device off the floor, surprised to see it'd survived the adventure with no visible damage. Sinking into the pilot's chair, his attention was drawn to a badly scrawled note from Lance informing him he'd taken Kosmo hunting. Letting out a huff of relief, Keith sank back in the chair. Lance out there with a blaster didn't seem the safest of plans, but with Kosmo with him, he should be fine. Hopefully. Quiznak. It was all a fucking mess. Lance really shouldn't be wandering around like he was... but his attention was torn. The tiny camera had recorded all that had happened in the outpost. Whatever was going on there wasn't legal or right. People cut up got for parts. That wasn't fucking right. He didn't know how to handle this. He couldn't handle this alone. Not something this big... and it was possible Guile had met the same fate. It was a new threat to Blade members, and everyone working undercover. Pulling out the connector cord from his communicator resting on the dash, Keith uploaded the footage, before sending it through to his mother. He'd forgotten Lance's confession was on the tape. Everything that had happened had all happened too fast. Following up the message with a warning to watch alone, Keith disconnected the camera, leaving it on the dash as climbed from the chair. If Lance and Kosmo were hunting, maybe he'd be back soon? Keith hoped he'd be back soon. They had so much to talk about, and he couldn't do that while Lance was missing.

Casually wandering back to the campsite like he hadn't caused Keith a varga and a half of worry, Lance was carting what Keith could only describe as three "space chickens". The birds hanging from one raised hand as Lance chatted away at Kosmo. Catching sight of the fact he was awake, Lance gave a strained smile as he approached  
"Hey. I took Kosmo. I hope you don't mind?"  
"No. He probably needed to get up and out. How long have you been awake?"  
Lance hummed, as if he needed to think about his answer  
"A few vargas... I thought since we're going to be here a while, Kosmo and I could scope the place out"  
"Oh..."  
"Yeah. Zak tried to make a tiny improvement on the Telula, and ended up melting the electrics in the armoury. They're not going anywhere until he's fixed it"  
The what now?  
"You called Daehra?"  
"Yep. You looked like you needed the sleep"  
"Like I needed the sleep?"  
Lance's thin smile dropped  
"Are you ok? You seem spacey?"  
Maybe because Lance was standing there, acting like the previous night hadn't happened  
"Me? Are you ok? Last night..."  
"Just forget about last night. I shouldn't have... put you in that position. I'm going to string these birds up, try to tell Kosmo he can't eat them"  
He wasn't going to forget about the previous night. He was pretty sure he going to remember that night until the day he died  
"Lance..."  
"Keith. I can't... let me put these birds up ok? Then we can have breakfast?"  
"Lance, we need to talk about all of this"  
"No, we don't. Ok. We really don't. I never have lost my shit last night and told you what happened. I can't..."  
"We do. You're... you're not alone in all of this"  
"You don't know what you're talking about"

Storming away, Lance stalked towards the pod while Kosmo whining as him as he dropped down by Keith's feet  
"Did you go hunting with Lance? How was he?"  
Huffing softly, Kosmo rolled onto his side  
"Yeah. I think I made him mad. Leave those birds of his lone. He needs us both to be on our best behaviour. I need to talk to him. He's probably going to get really really mad at me, but he needs help. You know that too. Why don't you stop sulking and go hunt for some more of those birds?"  
Kosmo cast a glance to in the direction of Lance, silently asking him "why should he hunt when food was right there?"  
"You're a lazy shit. Everyone has been spoiling you far too much. Stay here then, but you're not getting anything to eat until Lance has eaten something. And I'm telling Hunk not to give you any treats next time he sees you"  
Kosmo's head shot up, the wolf looking offended  
"Yeah. That's right. You brought this on yourself. If you want any to eat, you have to go hunt for it yourself. I'm going to talk to Lance"

Lance was stringing up the second bird as Keith came to join him. He was certain that ramp hatch latches hadn't been attached for hanging up the game, but from the look of it Lance knew what he was doing  
"Keith. I don't want to talk about it"  
"I know. But I do. And I think we need to"  
Huffing, Lance continued to coil wire around the feet of the bird he was holding  
"What's left to say? Do you want to know how it felt? Or how much I bled? I have nothing left to say, Keith. I have nothing left"  
"That's not true"  
"Really? What do I have?! Where stuck here because of me. Because I couldn't hold my shit together. I could have gotten you killed"  
"Lance..."  
"And there's that! I'm sick of you saying my name like that. God. I wish you didn't know then I wouldn't have to see you looking at me like this"  
"I'm not looking at you like anything"  
"You are. With that pity and disgust"  
"Lance... I don't pity you. I'm not disgusted by you. What happened never should have happened to you. Or to anyone"  
"Yeah. Well. It did. If you're not helping with the birds, then go away"  
"I'm not going away"  
"The agreement was I get you there. I'm sorry, but Guile is probably dead. He's probably in one of those tubes. When we meet back with the Telula, you'll go back to Daibazaal and I'll... go back to whatever's left"  
"I'm staying"  
"Keith..."  
"I'm staying"  
"You can't just stay!"  
"And you can't send me away. I'm not going away. You're my best friend"  
"I'm not your best friend. I'm not even sure I'm even a friend anymore. Let alone a person"  
"You're so frustrating! Lance, I want to help you. I want to help you feel better. I want to be with you"  
"And what about what I want?"  
"You said it yourself, you don't know what you want"  
"Don't go throwing my words back at me. Ok. You don't get to swoop in here and save me"  
Crossing his arm, Keith frowned  
"I'm not swooping in to save you"  
"Really? Tell me that you didn't hear everything last night and went about immediately coming up with some kind of plan to "fix" me. You can't fix me, Keith. I'm too fucking fucked up"  
"You're not..."  
"Not what? A drug addict? Pretty sure I qualified before I even got off Earth. A murderer, pretty sure I qualify there. A goddamn monster? Hell I've got the trifecta"  
"We can..."  
"What? Magically wave a wand make it all go away?! You should get as far away from me as possible. All this bullshit about you staying, it's only because I'm fucked in the head. All these hopes and dreams you've built up of magically saving me..."  
"I'm staying with you because I fucking love you, you idiot! I love you!"

Lance started to laugh. The sound grating on Keith's ears as Lance laughed even louder  
"That's... that's a good one..."  
"I'm serious"  
"You're seriously delusional. Did you hit your head?!"  
Keith's temper flared, his hands falling to his sides as he balled his fists  
"Are you?! What the fuck have you been thinking?! Running around the universe like nothing happened! You're not happy and you're not coping!"  
"I was coping fine until you came along!"  
"Why are you being like this?!"  
"Being like what? Telling you the truth?"  
"This isn't the truth"  
"What would you know?"  
Struggling with the words, Keith cursed himself silently. Lance knew how he felt about him. He'd told him again and again not to say it, but if he didn't say it now, Lance would never understand. Taking a breath, he calmed himself the best he could before clenching his fists all over again and looking Lance in the eye  
"I know that I've been in love with you for years. Years, Lance. Before any of this happened. Before you started dating Allura. Before we came back to Earth. I... I fucking love you"  
"No"  
Dropping the last dead bird, Lance stumbled back  
"No! You don't get to say that"  
"Lance..."  
"You don't get to do this to me"  
Clutching his chest Lance sank to squat, his breathing growing irregular  
"Lance..."  
"Don't..."  
"Lance"  
"Don't call me that! Lance is dead! Lance doesn't exist"  
"You're Lance. You're my best friend and I'm Keith, the idiot who fell head over heels in love with you"  
"No..."  
Falling back onto his arse, Lance shook his head  
"... I told you not to say it!"  
"I'm saying it because it's true. I love you"  
Shaking his head harder, Lance's eyes were filled with unshed tears  
"You don't"  
"I do. I thought I could be happy if you were happy... I thought Allura would make you happy. I thought Earth would make you happy"  
"You don't love me..."  
Edging closer to Lance, Keith sank down to squat in front of him. Taking him by the wrists, Lance ripped with hands back with a whimper  
"Don't Keith... don't... you can't..."  
"I love you"  
"I'm dirty! They raped me... the raped me..."  
"I know what they did to you. And god I wish they were here so I could get them for touching you. But Lance, I love you"  
"I'm dirty..."  
"You're not dirty"  
"I... am..."  
"You're a bit of an idiot. But you're the best sharpshooter in the whole universe. You're the best person I could have as my right hand man. You're the person I hurt the most because I was goddamn scared of telling you how I felt. But I'm so fucking in love with you"  
Sniffling, Lance wiped at his face with both hands  
"You don't even know me anymore"  
"Then tell me about you. Tell me everything. Scream at me. Yell at me. Shoot me if you want to, but I can't find you dirty. I can't see you as anyone other than Lance. They're the ones who are dirty. They're the ones who are monsters"  
Sniffling and hiccuping, Lance wasn't having it  
"I'm the monster"  
"You're not a monster"  
"I thought they were arrested... not... chopped into pieces..."  
"You didn't know"  
"It doesn't change anything. They used you. They did this to you... And I am not leaving you. Not again..."  
"You can't promise that. You leave... you always leave... everyone leaves"  
"No. Hey. No... no, Lance. What happened with Allura was not your fault. Neither was what happened with Shiro. We were still kids when we got blasted into space. We were all trying to do our best"  
"You did. You were always good... you told me to leave the maths to Pidge, then you left. I tried to be happy... but... I don't even... I don't even know I can love you... like I did... I can't... give you... anything"  
"I don't want you too. I'm not asking you to date me. I'm not asking you to suddenly love me. What I want is to be here with you. I want to be the one you know you can lean on. Love isn't about kissing and sex. I haven't... uh... um... had sex. And I'm not sweeping in to save you. I don't know what you felt. I don't know your pain. I've only seen what you showed me, Lance, but I have seen some pretty messed up stuff. We all did. I'm... still not very good at this, but you need to know I don't think any less of you. If anything, I think you're strong. Strong and brave. You've been running a whole fucking crew. With all of this on your shoulders. You're so fucking strong"  
"I don't feel very strong. All I've been doing is fucking crying... and you're being so nice... I can't even get out of bed without the drugs, Keith"  
"Then we'll work through this together. Let me do the thinking for now? I think you said something about breakfast, after hanging this bird up. We have to let it drain, and let the meat set, right?"  
Lance tilted his head, his beautiful brow drawn slightly. It took him a few ticks before he finally replied  
"Yeah. And pluck it... you should know that, shouldn't you?"  
"I do. It just really hurts squatting down like this, and I'm getting kind of hungry"  
Lance snorted loudly, the stupid sound made Keith's heart flutter. He hadn't been rejected by Lance. He hadn't expected a relationship. Nor did he want to rush into one. Lance might never be ready for one. But he wasn't crying anymore. They'd talked a little... Most importantly, he'd finally be able to say those words. He was able to tell Lance how he'd felt about him. Love wasn't some magical cure. Telling someone you loved them didn't take away the depression, the self hatred, or even lighten the weight on their shoulders, but it did tell them that they weren't alone  
"You're so fucking weird"  
Smiling the best he could, Keith stood. His legs protesting as he did. Holding his hand out for Lance to take, he wasn't offended when Lance chose to climb up on his own accord. There were so many things they needed to work out. Personal boundaries being the higher priority for Keith  
"At least I'm not "hinky""  
"Oh, you're definitely hinky. Big. Grizzled. Rugged and hinky..."  
"I am not"  
"You lived in a shack and went all cryptid hunter for the Blue lion"  
"Where else was I going to live?"  
"I don't know. I can't even think right now"  
"That's because you went hunting without having breakfast"  
"In my defence, I didn't think I was going to end up melting down again so soon"  
"Hey. You do know we'll get through this? I want to help as much as I can"  
"I know you want to... but there's still so much you don't know. The whole thing is a mess. I don't know how I'm going to face my team now..."  
Running his fingers through his hair, Lance looked like an adorable mess. It wasn't that Keith liked him suffering, and as guilty as it made him feel, there was some small part of his ego stroked by the fact he was the only one Lance was depending upon at the moment. Giving a soft smile, Keith was sure the team already knew, yet none of them thought any less of him. Anyone who did, would be finding themselves with a one way ticket out the nearest airlock  
"Lance, your team really cares about you. They're not going to think any less of you"  
"I'm not telling them. And I'm not telling anyone but you. Having one person know is bad enough... I know for a fact I can't handle two"  
"I won't tell. It's not my business to, but I am grateful that you did talk to me. Let's tie the bird up. There's still some food over near the blankets from last night. We can eat, then find a river? We're going to need clean water"  
"I found one with Kosmo this morning. I took a bath with him... if you want to go..."  
Lance looked slightly panicked, which was weird given his love of water  
"Lance. I'm not going to force anything. Look. I care about you, but this is your body. I'm not going to force you to strip down and come swimming. I'm not going to jump your bones the first moment I can. I mean it when I say I want to be here for you. I was thinking after breakfast we could come up with some basic rules? Things that you know seem to trigger attacks?"  
Lance sighed at him  
"I must look so pathetic right now... especially if you're the one being all calm and collected"  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"That you used to always act before thinking"  
"I don't know. You were crying your eyes out and instead of giving you space, I forced you into my arms"  
"Don't say it like that... forced... you gave me a hug"  
So "forced" was off limits... That was good. It felt like another step in understanding  
"I cradled you in my arms?"  
Rolling his eyes at him, Lance let out a huff  
"It's not my fault I can't remember... I'd literally just been blown up"  
"You'd just saved Coran's life... then you saved all of us"  
"This is getting too close and personal, Mullet. Go take Kosmo for a bath. I'll get breakfast ready"  
Keith frowned. Lance had been running around all morning by the sound of it. He should be resting, especially seeing he'd made him cry again  
"Stop looking at me like that. I just need a little space to calm back down. This is... I never wanted you to know and now you've decided you needed to tell me that you love me... you have no idea how fucked up all of this is... its..."  
"It's a lot?"  
"More than a lot. I'm not going to steal Daehra's pod, so go take a bath. There's some soap and a towel down by the edge of the water. Kosmo knows where to go"  
"Just how long have you been awake?"  
"That one's better if you don't know. Now stop fussing"  
Keith opened his mouth to ask if Lance would really be ok on his own, but the look of Lance's face cut through the words. Silently pleading with him for space, Keith nodded  
"A bath sounds pretty good. I've got my comm with me..."  
"I'll call if anything happens. Now shoo, you're making my eyes water"  
"I don't smell!"  
"Mhmm. You stink"  
"Rude!"  
"Doesn't make it any less true"  
"You're impossible"  
"I try"  
"God. Fine. I'm going"  
"Bye! Have fun"

Leaving Lance to finish up with the birds, Keith whistled Kosmo over as he walked away from his crush. Was Lance still his crush? Now that his feelings were known... did it change things? He'd meant what he said. He wasn't about to rush Lance into anything he didn't want... even if curling up with him in his arms had felt incredibly right. He was going to need to have a good hard think about where to go now. Lance was intentionally hurting himself. He was also dosing himself up and jumping at everything. Wrapping his arms around Lance didn't make the trauma go away, but hugs did seem to be ok as long as they weren't sudden. Hugs with Lance felt way better than he remembered, possibly because he'd never really been one for hugs like Lance was... yet, a hug with Lance... was... it was stupid to say but it was everything he'd hoped it would be.

*  
Keith had only just stripped off his clothes when his communicator started to ring. Lance had said there would be soap and a towel down by the water's edge, yet failed to mention the fact he'd washed his clothes and strung up a makeshift clothesline while he'd been at it. He knew he shouldn't be surprised, yet each time Lance pulled out some nifty trick, he found himself falling even more for him. He'd known Lance was handy, but the way he simply went and got things done was... hot. Snatching up his communicator, he plonked himself down on a rock as he took the call, his mother's face set firmly as Keith frowned at her  
"What the quiznak have you gone and got yourself into?! Where are you right now?"  
"Nice to see you too, mum"  
She'd definitely watched the video then... and definitely wasn't impressed  
"Don't give me that. I told you to stay out of this"  
"Mum..."  
"And now you and Lance... where is he? Is he ok? We'll come get you"  
"Mum..."  
"I really can't believe this..."  
"Mum! Just... calm down. It's been a long morning as it is"  
"How am I supposed to calm down? You're my son... and Lance... I can't imagine how he's coping. Has he told his family?"  
Keith blinked at her, an uncomfortable feeling welling in his empty stomach  
"How..."  
"It was on the video. He does know you sent it through, doesn't he?"  
Groaning, Keith kicked himself mentally. Lance was going to kill him  
"Keith?"  
"No... so much happened. I forgot it was... fuck..."  
"Keith..."  
"Mum... I told him I wouldn't tell. I promised him. I've only just... he's so fucking scared and now everyone knows..."  
"Keith. No one else saw. I watched it through alone first. How is he?"  
"Not good. You should have seen him. He's been trying to cope with all of this on his own... but that outpost pushed him over. He.. was fucking crying"  
Tears were welling in his own eyes. He shouldn't be talking about this, even if his mother only wanted to help  
"I think we should come get you"  
Shaking his head, Keith wiped the tears from his eyes with his thumb  
"No... It's not you guys, but the people who hurt him were Galra. I don't know how he can look me in the eye. I wasn't even there, but I feel guilty over it all"  
Krolia pursed her lips as she closed her eyes. Opening them, she nodded slowly  
"I understand. Are you two safe?"  
"Yeah. We're waiting for Lance's team. We were going to meet them, but now we're staying here for a few quintants instead. Daehra told Lance there were ship troubles, but I think that was because she knows Lance needs some time to process"  
"Is there anything I can do to help?"  
"Yes... no. I don't know. That outpost was fucking disgusting. But if Lance is on there saying that..."  
"I will edit it out. I know he may feel shame, but he is not to blame. Remember that Keith"  
Keith couldn't hide his offence. The fact his mother felt the need to tell him that stung  
"Mum. Really? Do you think I'm about to hold that against him? I've told him that I don't think any less of him. I can't believe you'd even think that"  
"I don't. I know you. I also know that you're better with your blade than your words"  
"I'm getting through to him fine. He woke up crying last night and we talked. We talked some more this morning. I was about to take a bath when you interrupted that"  
"Keith, I'm on trying to say that what Lance went through is something no one should have had to, and you should expect that things have changed in his eyes when it comes to things such as sex and love. I know you love him, but don't expect him to reciprocate those feelings, and if you're only helping him out of pity, then it could all blow up in your face"  
"Lance knows how I feel. I told him"  
His mother's face saddened  
"Keith..."  
"It's ok. I told him before I even knew that I wanted to stay with him. I gave him my word and I won't go back on that. As long as he needs me, as long as he lets me stay, I'm not going to give up on him"  
"It'll be hard. Hard on both of you. Remember not everything said in anger is true, but once said words can cut deeper than even the sharpest of blades"  
"I know that. But he makes me happy. He's always been there for everyone. It's past time someone was there for him"  
"I understand. You know you'll always be welcome on Daibazaal. Both you and Lance"  
"I'm not going away forever"  
"I know. I'll let you get back to your bath, and consult with Kolivan over the footage. If this is happening, we need to bring an end to the practice"  
"Thanks, mum. Knowing Lance, he'll probably want to rush back in. So I'm hoping these few quintants will help. You should check in with all over undercover operatives"  
Krolia raised an eyebrow  
"I am already on top of it. You're far too young to think otherwise"  
"Give me a break. I have a lot of thoughts going on right now"  
"Ooooh. That sounds dangerous. Don't think too hard, we don't want your head to explode"  
"I'm hanging up on you now"  
"You know you love me"  
Keith nodded, feeling the weight of the words  
"I do, mum. I'll... check in soon. Be safe"  
"You too. And anything you need, just call"  
"I will"

Ending the call, Keith still felt guilty as hell that he'd sent the video through to his mother without even thinking about the fact Lance had confessed what had been done to him while it'd been recording. He couldn't change the fact she knew, but now that she did, their operatives would be made aware, possibly saving other Blade members. If the guilt clawing at his heart at the moment was anything like the guilt Lance felt, he could understand needing the drugs to get out of bed. It fucking sucked.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much anxiety for snk 120 that chapter 19 and I aren't speaking

Watching Keith leave with Kosmo, Lance let out a string of curses that would get him whacked senseless with his mother's slipper if she was there. What the hell was wrong with him? For movements and phoebs he'd kept his secret... but noooo, as soon as Keith showed him a little bit of attention, he'd folded like a cheap suit. He hadn't intended to tell Keith what happened. He'd promised they'd talk after the mission but he'd been going to come up with something... something that wasn't him spilling his guts like he was was begging for attention. And what the hell was Keith thinking, telling him he loved him?! He'd tried so hard not to hear that from Keith. He knew... or he kind of knew how Keith felt. His family having a good laugh at his cluelessness. Keith was smart, funny, quick, supple, gorgeous and courageous... And now he knew... and he still had the nerve to say that he loved him?! He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. Keith's hugs... they'd been nice. They'd been soft... and so fucking warm that Lance wasn't sure he wanted him to let go. This directly contradicting the constant feeling of being dirty and tainted, adding to his fears he was tainting his friend by being so close to him. Ever since Keith had walked back into his life, Lance had fought to keep everything inside. He'd fought to keep himself from crying too loud, with Keith's quarters so close to his. He'd fought to keep his showers shorter than half a varga, feeling filthy as he stepped out too soon. He'd fought not to jump each time Keith was too loud, not to flinch away each time Keith touched him. It was like... it was like those deep purple eyes were drawing every memory to the surface, causing his secrets to spill into his mouth, only contained by his grinding teeth. Keith had broken him. He'd broken through Leandro to expose Lance, and now Lance didn't know how to put that mask back on. He'd been so angry. He'd lashed out so distastefully. He'd mocked Keith's love with laughter. He'd asked him if he wanted to know how they'd fucked him. Thrown in his face that he was addicted to drugs. Thrown in his face that they'd made him come... and Keith... fucking accepted it. He reached out and pulled him close. He'd held him as he'd sobbed like an idiot. He'd him as he'd screamed. If he could love Keith, he would. He wanted to. His chest had swelled with happiness for a micro-tick when he'd said he loved him. A micro-tick where Lance had been over the moon before the weight of everything came crashing back down so hard that all that he could do was laugh. And now they were stuck here until Zak fixed the fucking Telula, or a ship from the outpost found them first. 

 

Having woken in Keith's arms, Lance had panicked. The overwhelming scent of the man's natural odour, combined with the scent of a fire on clear summer night had been too much for him. Between his legs had been wet, like he was ready for his weird heat thing. Fear coiling in his stomach as he realised Keith's hand rested on his exposed stomach as... if to protect something in there. Keith's warmth had seeped right through his body, scaring him because it wasn't the soul-consuming ice he'd woken up with ever since dying. Barely holding down his rising feelings, he'd slipped from Keith's hold. Keith shifting in his sleep as he mumbled Lance's name. He couldn't pull Keith down with him. He couldn't let Keith stay. Not when he was too broken to fix. Leaving Keith sleeping, Lance had headed up to Daehra's ship. Locked inside, Kosmo had pulled the blankets off the small thin bed, looking sad for himself as he slept on the floor under the dash. Moving to the pilot's seat, Lance powered the ship up. God. It's been more than tempting to take the ship and run. To leave Keith there for Daehra to collect, or maybe the Blades, but... his traitorous heart wouldn't let him. He fucking loved Keith. He hated that he loved him. He hated that he loved working beside him. Having him there to banter with. To joke with. He thought his feelings of "love" had been ruined. Keith's eyes so characteristic of the Galra. Those purple eyes that had stared down into his as he'd screamed... he'd thought he'd hate Keith's eyes, but when he looked into them, he couldn't see any traces of the Galra who had held him down. All he could see in them was his best friend... who'd hauled his arse out the outpost when he'd lost his shit. He didn't remember getting out. He didn't know if Keith had been hurt because of him. He could have gotten him killed... like... Kre'el. Kre'el would scold him. Tell him off for leaving a friend behind. He could hear her disapproving voice in his head. That same way she'd scold him for not thinking as she'd done a hundred times before. And what if they did come after them. Keith would be stranded, probably killed... Releasing the controls, he pulled up the ship's Nav system. Keith had flown through the night by the seems of it. They were out of the quadrant they'd been in, and now four away. Right. He should have known. Keith had always piloted like it was the most natural thing in life to do. Of course, he'd gotten them out... It was one more thing Lance was useless at.

Whimpering at him, Kosmo locked his knee  
"Did Keith lock you in here?"  
Whining Kosmo shuffled closer  
"It's alright, boy. He's sleeping, and we've got a few more vargas before the sun rises properly. Do you want to come hunting with me? Find you some water?"  
Kosmo's tail started to wag  
"Yeah? I could use a break from him too. I need to grab some stuff, then we'll go. Sound good?"  
Yipping happily, Lance flinched at the loud noise  
"Sorry, boy. My head's a little sore. Can you keep it down until we get away from camp?"  
The yip Kosmo gave was adorable. Soft and strangled as he made a real effort to  
"Thanks, boy. Why don't we see if we can find some meat for dinner while we're at it? I've got to contact Daehra and see what's happening on her end"

 

Calling Daehra had been depressing. The Telula couldn't come to collect them. Daehra had been worried, repeatedly asking him if he was ok, while Lucteal issued threats towards Keith, despite Keith not being there. Even if Keith had gone off the deep end with all this crazy love stuff, it was reassuring that those two were the same as normal. Lying through his teeth, he'd told them both they were. They didn't need to see how weak he was over a little attention. He hadn't cried over it all like he had the previous night since everything he had happened. He had said the words out loud to anyone but Keith because words made it real... and now he'd really fucked up. He'd fucked up everything with Keith. So many times he'd thought of him, so many times he'd wanted to call him, but there was always a mission. Keith was always busy. Keith didn't exist to answer his calls in the dead of night when he was lonely. Neither did his old team. Not that they replied to his messages. He'd tried so fucking hard to force himself to reach out, to take the team calls then act like nothing was wrong. They didn't even notice he wasn't talking. The didn't notice when he stopped trying to be friends. If Keith stayed with him, he'd face the same alienation. He'd be pushed aside. He couldn't do that to him. Keith had come so far since they first met. He was close with both Hunk and Pidge, taking the spot Lance thought he'd occupied. Not that this was a competition or anything. He already knew he'd lost and would lose if it was. He didn't hate Keith, but he did hate that he wasn't more like him. Keith was the reliable one. Keith was the strong one. The one that Shiro named leader. While Lance was left to trail behind... it hurt far too much. It was better if Keith forgot the previous night, and Lance kept himself busy catching game. He'd get that right. He'd prove he knew how to catch dinner and didn't need a grizzled hunk like Keith to save him.

 

 

*  
Wandering across the campsite with no shirt on, Lance blushed at the sight of a half-naked Keith. When he stripped off all he had to offer were scars, scars, and more scars. Keith, on the other hand, was ripped. His muscles long and lean, almost flowing beneath his skin as he came closer. Shovelling another shovel of coals over the bundle of silver in front of him, Lance would tell anyone who asked that it was the fire pit making his face hot  
"What are you doing?"  
"Making a fire pit we can cook in tonight. Breakfast is by the bed. Daehra packed eggs and this weird bread kind of stuff. It pretty much tastes like cardboard, but it's packed with vitamins and minerals"  
"You are?"  
"Yeah. Then I wanted to get this done"  
He'd eaten half a piece of the cardboard bread before his nerves had gotten the better of him and he'd been forced to quit. Keith would scold him if he knew  
"Ok... you've been throwing up, so you're probably also really dehydrated too"  
"I had some water"  
Watching him closely, Lance hated the way Keith's eyes roamed across his body. He knew Keith was watching him because he was concerned, yet having his every move watched had him convinced he was doing things wrong. As the shovel started shaking in his hold, he dug the tip into the dirt by his shoe instead of moving more coals  
"You said your building a pit?"  
"Yeah... I mean. I'm probably doing it wrong, but I'm trying to... it probably looks stupid"  
Keith picked up the plate of eggs on toast  
"You said "probably" twice. Have you done this before?"  
"We did this at home..."  
"Then I'm sure you're doing it right. Tell me how it works"  
That right there. Keith had to know what that did to him. How his stupid heart did that weird flip thing. He knew it was his brain, but it's always baffled him how you can feel something in your brain and have it come out in your heart or stomach  
"It... uhh..."  
Shit... he was starting to get even more anxious. He knew what he was doing... so why was he struggling with his words?  
"Lance?"  
"I... I'm sorry. It's a fire pit. We're going to cook dinner tonight in it"  
"That sounds cool"  
Keith was probably humouring him. He was probably secretly laughing at the fact Lance was now having a breakdown over a fire pit...  
"Mum and I always cook over the fire. I haven't seen it done this way"  
"I can change it. Fill it in, I mean"  
"Why? You went to all this effort"  
"If it's wrong..."  
Placing down the knife and fork he'd only just picked up, Keith looked up at him  
"Lance, it's not wrong. I didn't mean to make you think it was. I was asking because I was curious. That's all"  
Now he'd made Keith feel bad. What the hell was wrong with him?! Well? He knew what it was, but he didn't want to make Keith sad  
"I'm sorry..."  
"Hey. You don't need to apologise. Just explain it to me"  
"You... um... put the coals in, then put the meat in like a pot or something to cook it in. Then you cover it with leaves and leave it cook"  
"That sounds cool"  
"Yeah... because it's a bird, it needs to be cooked well. I wasn't... expecting you back so soon"  
If Keith could have stayed away a few more vargas it would have been appreciated... maybe even the night, the following night, then right up until Daehra arrived... because fucked if he knew how to handle this. How to handle soft Keith who cared for him... Who looked at him like he wasn't a lump of dirty shit  
"Soon? I thought I was gone a while"  
"Oh... uh..."  
Was "uh" and "um" the only sounds his stupid tongue could make?! At this rate, Keith was going to think him even stupider  
"My sense of time isn't great..."  
"It's fine. I still get thrown talking to Shiro. He swaps back and forth from Earth time to ticks, doboshes and vargas like it's perfectly natural. Why can't we just stick one and stay with it? If the staff of the Atlas are in space, shouldn't they be using space-time? It's confusing as hell"  
Lance felt his lips curling at the edges into something suspiciously not frown like   
"What's the matter? Can't you keep up?"  
Glaring at him, Keith sounded like his pride had been wounded   
"I can keep up just fine. It'd simply be easier if I didn't have to"  
"Sure, sure, samurai"  
"I'd forgotten how much you like your nicknames until I looked at the board of yours"  
Board? What board? Ooooh... Fuck. Why couldn't his brain get it together? At this rate, Keith was probably going to murder him for being so useless. His tone was flat as he tried to joke  
"My board is a work of art"  
"You run a good team"

Not sure if Keith was deflecting because his pride was wounded or if his friend was trying to pry, Lance went about scooping up another shovel of coals  
"Can I ask about them?"  
Lance already knew Daehra and Keith had talked about him more than once. Daehra was awful at keeping secrets, and Lucteal was struggling to accept Keith knowing that Lance had held strong feelings for the man  
"Ask what?"  
"I don't know. How did you all meet? I know you helped save Daehra's sister... how did that happen?"  
Keith didn't mean to upset him, he knew that. The question was fairly innocent, yet his mind decided because he was hurting at the memory, he needed to lash out  
"It happened when I killed the man who raped me, and the last member of his guard to rape me"  
Growling the words out, Lance threw the shovel down in self-disgust. He instantly regretted the flare at the look of pain on Keith's face  
"Fuck. Fuck. Sorry. Sorry... look. I'm not angry at you. I know you're trying right now, but I'm..."  
Taking a deep breath through his nose, he slowly released it through his mouth   
"I met Deahra and Lucteal hunting down the man who'd... you know... Their father sold their sister to him for a sliver of power once... he... got Red. Technically Daehra and Lucteal are bastard children born from the king's other bed partners, but the moment the queen started birthing their precious royal children, they were both cast aside. Their little sister Annla... they wanted to do the same thing to her... and like hell, I was going to let that happen. I killed... them and took her back to them. I went back to finish the job, but Daehra had called the police in. A police friend of mine in when I didn't come back on the same day I met them. She dragged my arse out and stopped me getting myself killed. My head... kind of broke"  
"You saved a princess?"  
Lance winced at the word princess. Keith was bringing back all the feelings that torn him apart when he'd tried to choose between Keith and Allura...  
"Yeah. She's only about 7 or 8. She still calls to talk"  
"That's sweet"  
Sweet? How did he mean sweet? Keith didn't say sweet? And not mean cool. Did he mean cool? Why was he thinking about this too much? Did Keith want children? Did he like children? He seemed like the awkward uncle who'd pass the crying baby over to next closest adult... God. What would Keith say if he knew... that he could... That would mean... sex... oh, God. He was a monster. How did a talk about an alien princess end up with him wanting to vomit at the thought of sex with Keith? What kind of a monster was he?  
"She's a child"  
"What? No. I didn't mean it like that. I was trying to say it how you would. Fine. It's nice that she calls"  
Oh... oh...  
"Oh. Yeah. Well, it's to talk to Daehra mostly. She was her attendant"  
"Still. You did a good job saving her. You should be proud"  
Proud of being forced to suck dick before he could act? Lance definitely wasn't proud of that... he wasn't proud of waking up wet when Keith had shown him a little attention. His cheeks felt warm as he looked away. He probably could never give Keith a family... He probably couldn't really carry. He'd been a normal guy all his life, and now he was... going to cry... Nope. He didn't want to cry... not without any good reason to cry  
"Can we not talk about this anymore? I get that you feel the need to talk, but I don't really want to"  
Keith's face fell a little. Lance mentally congratulating himself for being the biggest quiznakking idiot in the world as it did  
"Ok. But, what do want to do after I'm done eating? I would say we could rest... but I get the feeling you'd say no"  
"You're right. We still need to collect more firewood. I want to boil some water too, then bottle it... after that, maybe then we could rest?"  
Rest as in "sit there and empty the chicken out of their entrails and pluck them naked", not as in "sit there awkwardly while Keith pulls his weird mind magic that makes him talk far too much"  
"Sure. Sounds good. We should try sparring too. I bet you could put me on my arse"  
"I know I could put you on your arse, but it's not safe. Now stop avoided your breakfast. The eggs are edible, Dae packed extra supplies, so if you have a problem with them, talk to her"  
"No problem. It's better than purple goo"  
Green goo was better than purple goo, but no goo was better than all goo. Making the decision not to reply, Lance picked up his discarded shovel. This was going to be a loooong few quintants... 

 

*  
Training with Kosmo felt lacking to Keith. Neither of their hearts were in it, but Lance had fallen asleep while waiting for the water they'd collected to boil, so Keith hadn't wanted to disturb him. Practising disarming techniques with Kosmo didn't go well when all the dopey wolf wanted to do was sleep next to Lance. Each time Keith turned his back on him Kosmo would teleport back over to Lance, Keith then forced to jog over to Kosmo, drag him away, scold him for not paying attention, maybe get in two or three doboshes of training, then start the whole process again. If he looked at it like endurance training, it didn't seem as annoying... 

When Kosmo teleported back to Lance for the umpteenth time, Keith gave up. It hadn't distracted him from the guilt still gnawing at his gut over the video, nor had anything else. The thought of admitting to Lance what he'd done was too much. He didn't want Lance to hate him. He didn't want Lance to shut back down again. He wanted to help... and to do that, he was going to have to be picky and tell only certain truths, until Lance was ready to hear his full admittance. But then again, that could blow up too. Lance could yell at him for thinking him too weak to handle the truth, and be sent spirally back after whatever progress they'd made. He hated this. Starting whatever this was on half-arsed truths was only going to come back and bite him in the arse.

Sitting down next to the blankets Lance was sleeping on, Keith pulled his blade from his belt. There wasn't much to do, Lance had already buried the chickens in the coals to cook, they'd also collected enough firewood to last the next few quintants, and enough water to last until the Telula reached them. Keith had already decanted the water into the bottles Lance had organised. It'd taken all of four doboshes, then boredom had kicked in all over again. Letting his gaze wander towards Lance, he caught himself at the last moment. Watching his friend sleep was creepy... but... no. He wasn't going to... quizank... apparently, he was. His gaze slipped again, Keith's face softened at the peaceful expression on Lance's face. If only Lance could always be so relaxed, he might actually be able to heal. The bags beneath his eyes hung heavy, his cheekbones much sharper than Keith remembered, his marks gone as he huffed a soft breath between his pouty lips. Reaching towards him, Keith was pulled from his momentary trance by a soft mumble   
"Keith..."  
Jerking his hand back, Keith cursed himself. He didn't know what he was about to do, only that he was a moron. Lance needed rest. And Keith needed to go for a run or something... maybe he could... knock himself out until the Telula arrived? He didn't want to touch Lance sexually, but he did want to cuddle the shit out of him  
"K-Keith?"  
Moaning out his name, Lance shifted closer to him. Half off the blankets before he stopped with the top of his head against Keith's leg. This had to be some kind of joke  
"Lance?"

Nuzzling into Keith's leg, Lance let out a soft sound that sounded suspiciously like a purr. Lance had to be mocking him. People didn't go around purring for no good reason  
"Lance?"  
Placing his hand on Lance's shoulder, Keith shook gently. He didn't want to wake Lance, but he did want to know if he was awake or not. Releasing his shoulder, Keith moved Lance's hair back from his face. The moment his fingers brushed against the side of Lance's head just above his ear, Lance sucked in a breath. Moving his hand away, a few ticks passed before Lance slowly relaxed. Fuck. Even the simplest of gestures caused Lance pain. Hair was now added to Keith's growing list of things to avoid... though it was the second physical addition following "don't unintentionally wake Lance up by touching him because you can't control your feelings". After he'd talked with his mother, he'd had a good hard think about the kind of words he should avoid when talking with Lance. All he'd come up with were the obvious ones related to "force"... and he didn't trust himself not to mess it all up by saying something stupid without thinking. Placing his blade as far away from them as he could reach, Keith laid himself out next to Lance, letting Lance curl into his side, on his own accord, with a soft huff. However, it was only a few doboshes later that Lance shot up next to him, his mouth wide in a silent scream as Keith rushed to sit back up. Sucking down a few desperate breaths, Keith waited until Lance rubbed at his eyes before breaking the silence   
"Lance?"  
"I'm ok..."  
"You sure?"  
"Mhmm... nightmare... sorry... sorry... I didn't mean to fall asleep"  
"It's alright"  
"No... ugh... why do nightmares have to suck?"  
Laying back down, Keith stared up the lazy clouds passing over the top of them. Taking a few ticks longer, Lance laid down next to him. So close that they were practically shoulder to shoulder. He could feel his best friend's little finger brushing against his own, without giving it much thought, Keith hook it with his, meaning in some weird way they were holding hands  
"How long was I out?"  
"Not too long. I was playing with Kosmo for a bit, then when I sat you curled into me"  
"Shit. I'm sorry"  
"It's fine. It only happened a few doboshes ago. Do you think that caused the nightmare?"  
"Maybe. It's not your fault, though. I didn't mean to fall asleep"  
"You obviously needed it"  
"I don't know about that"  
"You wouldn't have fallen asleep if you didn't"  
"It's the sun. It feels nice"  
Looking over to Lance, he found Lance was already looking at him. Drawing his brow, the Cuban was confused   
"What?"  
"I didn't mean to wake you up"  
"It's fine. I don't sleep much as it is. I probably would have woken sooner rather than later"  
"Is it the nightmares?"  
"Yeah... they're... they're not better than they were, because they still suck, but they're different"  
"I'm sorry to hear that"  
Looking away from him and back up the heavens, Lance sighed   
"You don't have to keep saying sorry"  
"Even if I am"  
"It makes me feel stupid when you keep apologising"  
"I feel stupid for messing things up"  
Lance bit his lip, before looking back to him again   
"I don't really hate you. It was such a shitty thing to say. I don't hate Shiro either. It's... you throw me off balance"  
"I throw you off balance?"  
"Yeah. When I look at you... it's like... everything comes rushing back all at once. I can remember almost everything that happened and it's all on the tip of my tongue"  
Keith didn't know what to say to that... He didn't want Lance to remember anything he didn't want to  
"I'm sorry"  
"Don't apologise. It's not your fault. It just... it throws me off how easily you get under my skin. I was so fucking mad at you for tracking me down. I wanted to throw you down the club stairs and scream at you "to never come back""  
"Wow, dude. That's a bit harsh"  
"It wasn't your fault. It's... I feel like you can see right through me and I hate it"  
"I can't you know... see through you that is. There's skin, and muscle, and bone..."  
Lance groaned at him   
"You're a dick"  
"That doesn't mean I'm not right"  
"Sometimes I wonder. Like really wonder"  
"Wonder what?"  
"If I came back. Or if I'm still on the astral plane..."  
Keith's voice caught in his throat. Squeezing Lance's little finger, he slowly picked his words  
"You died when I was away from the team, didn't you?"  
Sighing at him, Lance squeezed back   
"You knew?"  
"Not until recently. Why didn't you tell anyone?"  
"Everyone was busy. Besides, it was hardly worse than when you tried to throw your own life away. Don't think Matt didn't tell Shiro about it"  
"I know he did... But at the time, I didn't see any other way"  
There was a pause long enough for Keith's heart to begin beating faster  
"I... I didn't either. It was going to hit Allura... and the team... they needed her more than they needed someone like me. I wish she'd never brought me back"  
"It's probably not much, but I'm glad she did. You're the heart of the team"  
"I'm the guy you didn't want to spend eternity with. The stupid one. If I could have stayed there, I would have... nothing's been right since I came back..."  
Rolling onto his side, facing Lance, Keith smiled softly as Lance rolled to face him too   
"You're going to be ok. We're going to be ok"  
"You don't know what it's like"  
"No. I don't. But I do know that if I'd I lost you, I never would have been able to move on, or even move forward. You keep saying you came back wrong, but I can't understand what you mean"  
"Allura... I was dead. I felt myself die. I felt my heart stop as I was electrocuted and then it was all nothingness like the astral plane. It was black... as far as you can see. It felt like... like being smothered by the darkness for an eternity. She used part of her quintessence to bring me back. Part of her being. She probably had to in order to stabilise my body, like she had to use her gem from her tiara to stabilise Shiro... Keith, she wasn't attracted to me. She didn't love me. What she was drawn to was the part of her in me..."  
Keith expected Lance's to be crying, instead, he looked resigned. Like this has played a million times in his head, so could no longer feel the pain he needed over such a statement   
"That's..."  
"What? Not true? She was still in love with Lotor to the very end. When we were together... she only thought of the Altean's. Then she... she went after the entity... I loved her, but not in the same way she loved me"  
"She was an idiot"  
Lance's eyes narrowed into a glare  
"No. Listen to me. Lance, you're an idiot but she is too. You... you always push yourself so hard. You're always so hard on yourself that it's frankly frustrating. I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you until you see what the rest of us see. The fact Allura couldn't see it, it pisses me off. You've always had my back. Even when we were punk nose brats sniping at each other, I could always count on you. At first, I found your flirting irritating as hell. Then I realised, all you wanted was for someone to like you for you. I'm sorry it took me so long"  
"Allura had a lot going on"  
"We all did. It doesn't make it right"  
"Keith... she's still important to me. Even if you don't like her"  
"It's not that I don't like her. I appreciate her sacrifice. I just wish you hadn't been hurt. You didn't even tell us you died. That's not ok"  
"There was no one to tell... Pidge and Hunk were busy. You were gone. Shiro hated me. Coran was busy. Allura and Lotor were... busy... it doesn't matter now"  
"It matters to me"  
"It's been years"  
"And if it'd been me who died, you would have never let me hear the end of it. You would have cried and felt just as guilty as I do"  
Sniffling, Lance failed as he tried to give him a stern look  
"Shut up. You can't turn this back on me"  
"I can too. I hate what you've been through. You deserved so much better than all of this"  
"You deserve better than being stuck here with me. I couldn't even get you off the outpost..."  
"It was pretty hairy for a moment. Especially when they started firing at us"  
Lance took a shaky breath as tears welled in his eyes. Cautiously, Keith wriggled closer to wrap his arm around Lance, leaving them forehead to forehead as Lance whispered  
"I fucked up the whole mission"  
"No"  
"When I saw all that blood... I couldn't... you know. We were Paladins. We got hurt... but there was so much blood..."  
"Yeah. But if you hadn't reacted to the guards, that could have been us. For all we know, they could have piped sedatives through the vents"  
Lance gave a weird snort  
"You Blades and your vents... when they had me, I kept thinking how one day someone's going to put fans in them to prevent people climbing around"  
"They've already got fans in them. That's what keeps the air moving"  
"Oh... right... I didn't think of that... I know we have to go back... but fuck... I don't want you to end up cut into pieces"  
"You want to go back?"  
"I don't want to... but... we can't leave it like that"  
God. Lance was killing him right here. It was worth than his friend's bad breath  
"I... before you get mad at me, I was kind of freaking out too. I messaged mum about what happened"  
Lance's eyes widened  
"You what?!"  
"I sent her some of the video. We've got undercover operatives out there, who have been operating without knowing about this threat. This information could save the lives of Blade and rebel members"  
"Keith! I didn't... I... I trusted you!"  
"I know. That's why I'm telling you. She didn't say she was going to act. But... if it means no one having to die"  
"What did you send her?! What exactly did you send her?!"  
"Video of the other room... and some of the blood... and them trying to kill us"  
"Keith!"  
"I know. I know. I wish the two of us could handle this, but I don't think we can. Plus, they know who I am. If they go to Daibazaal, mum needs to be prepared"  
"D-Daibazaal... I didn't think of that..."  
Keith could see Lance spiralling  
"No. Daibazaal has some of the best defences out there"  
"They had Galra working for them. What if they return home? What if they go after Krolia? Or your team... What if..."  
"Lance. This isn't going to do any good. I'm worried too, but my team can handle. Mum can handle it. Everyone can handle it. They haven't come after us, and we're not that far from the outpost. Even if they're destroying the evidence, we both know what happened. And now that the Blades know, they can also compile a case to get things changed"  
"They used to... you know... cut people up there. But they'd phased it out when the empire fell. I thought... I mean... I killed people but I didn't know I was sending them to be butchered... I worked with the police... I fucking blew things up for them... they said... god..."  
"Shhh. You're going to push yourself into a panic attack, or make yourself sick again"  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laying this all on you..."  
"It's fine. Do you want to keep laying here? Or do you want to get up and do something?"  
Lance nodded slowly. His lips were so close that Keith wanted to a taste. He knew how soft and sweet Lance's kisses could be  
"I want to go take a swim"  
Oh shit... Lance had no idea what he was doing to him... A half-naked Lance was the last thing he needed to be thinking about   
"Do you want... I mean..."  
"I need some time alone. I'm... I feel like I should apologise. I don't mean to keep pushing you away..."  
"No. You don't need to. But take Kosmo with you. I tried to train with him, and all he wanted to do was nap near you"  
"You know I don't hate you, don't you? I never should have said I did. I can't do that. I can't give you that. Not now"  
"Lance, I understand. I've been pushing too hard to. I want to know everything. No matter how had it is. I want to help you through it"  
Sincerity shone on Lance's face.  
God. His lips were right there. Keith's will eroding faster with each tick  
"I know. I don't know why but every time you look at me, I feel like an idiot. I want to tell you everything... Well, maybe not everything. I'm not ready for people to know. I don't want anyone else to ever know... and some things... I can't. I got used to keeping this inside. Ugh. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm probably not going to be the greatest friend, but I'll try"  
"I'm not going anywhere. You should go for that swim before the sun goes down"  
"Yeah..."  
Lance's breath was warm against his lips. His brain finally shorting out as his lips pressed against Lance's. Letting out a whimper, Lance pushed him off as he scrambled back. Keith's heart sank. He was such a goddamn idiot!  
"Lance... I'm sorry. I didn't think"  
Shaking his head, Lance climbed to his feet   
"Lance?"  
"I can't"

Taking off, Lance ran from him. Kosmo leaping to his feet to run after his crush. Keith flopped onto his back, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. He was such a goddamn idiot! Lance clearly didn't like having his face, or head touched that much. And he'd forced a kiss to his lips... Why?! A few more ticks and Lance would have left him. A few more ticks and his warmth would have been gone from his hold. Lance was probably going to shut him right out now... Fuck... He'd held his tongue over the sweet smell of sea salt and junipers that had come from Lance. The changes in his scent that Keith knew wasn't possible, so could only choke it up to his imagination, and that he was going slightly crazy due to his love of Lance.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only got two other chapters done so far... I may need to slow my updates...

Sitting across from Keith as they ate dinner, Lance felt like a quiznakking moron. Not only had he droned on and on about his problems, but he'd also pushed Keith away when he'd finally kissed him. No matter what the others said, Lance wasn't completely stupid. From the way they were laying there facing each other, Keith's hand resting on his hip as they held pinkies like morons and the soft and secret whispers they'd shared. He knew it was coming. He could feel Keith's breath against his lips, he'd definitely needed a mint, but it wasn't terrible... so why did his brain need to short circuit the moment Keith's lips brushed against his. The kiss hadn't even been forceful, just a simple soft pressing together of lips that had sent him flying into a panic and running like a moron. The bath he'd disguised as a swim lasted long enough that Keith was visibly worried when he returned to camp with Kosmo. His lips blue from staying in the cold water for far too long. No matter how he'd tried to calm himself, Lance hadn't been able to stop crying as he sat on the edge of the river. Guilt bubbling up in his gut as arousal simmered in the background. He hadn't thought he'd feel arousal ever again. He didn't want to feel arousal. Not when he and Keith were... this. Keith was too fucking good for him. He truly wanted to help, Lance could sense his honesty in his words, just as clearly as he could smell it in his scent. And god... Keith smelt good.

"Lance? Kosmo's going to finish your dinner for you at this rate"  
Lost in his thoughts, he looked up to find Kosmo inching closer to him, his two front paws out as he dragged himself across the grass. There wasn't much left on his plate to give the dopey beast, his stomach simply unable to handle a proper meal from months of abuse. Placing his plate down, Kosmo dived right in  
"Lance! You need to eat..."  
Crossing his arms, Lance glared  
"I ate"  
"Barely anything"  
"I still ate"  
"I know it's hard, but you need to eat"  
"I ate. I can't eat that much anymore. If I do, I end up throwing it all back up"  
Rubbing his face with his hand, Keith sighed  
"You're mad. About earlier, aren't you?"  
"Do we need to talk about it?"  
"I'm sorry for kissing you"  
Apparently they did need to talk about it...  
"It's ok"  
"No. It's not ok. I scared you"  
"Keith..."  
"I feel really shitty for doing it. I'll sleep in the ship tonight"  
"Keith"  
"I shouldn't have done it. You were so close and I didn't think"  
"Keith! Calm down. I get it. Ok. I get it. I'm not mad at you"  
"Then why are you sitting over there"  
Lance groaned, stupid Mullet wasn't making this easy  
"See, you're mad"  
"I'm not mad"  
"You ran away"  
"Because I was scared! You tell me you love me! You're being all nice! I didn't not want it, and it scared me. I can barely stand being touched, but it... it isn't that terrible when it is you. You can probably tell I don't like things against my lips. I also don't like having my hair touched, or things around my neck. So just shut up about it"  
"You're not mad?"  
Keith was deaf. Or going deaf. He'd spent too much time in battle and his hearing was going. That was the only thing Lance could conclude from continually going round and round in the same stupid conversations  
"Not at you. You don't have to sleep on the ship either... but for the love of Quiznak, can we just stop talking about my problems. I'm fucking sick of talking about myself"  
"What are we going to talk about then?"  
"You? Your missions? Has anything interesting happened?"  
"Not really"

Falling into a very awkward silence, Lance started picking at the scar on his wrist. See. What could Keith possibly want out of any kind of relationship when they couldn't even go two quintants without him balling his eyes out, or them ending up in this stupidly awkward silence. And when Keith figured that out, he'd leave him to go back to his own team. This was stupid. He was stupid  
"Lance, I can see you thinking too much"  
"Mmm... it's fine"  
"It's not fine. You look upset again, and I don't know what I did wrong"  
"You didn't do anything wrong"  
"Then why aren't you saying anything?"  
"Because I... was thinking"  
"I told you you can talk to me"  
"That's the problem though, I don't know what to ask you about. I asked you if anything interesting had happened, and you said no"  
"That's because it hasn't. You know what it's like. Go to that planet, help them out, then move on to his next planet"  
"And none of them are interesting?"  
"Not really. I think Axca's going to ask Veronica out, but I already told you that"  
"Yeah. I honestly thought you two would end up together. She never left your room after that battle with ro-beast"  
"It didn't do her any good. I already liked you by then"  
"Have you... always liked guys?"  
"I don't know. Maybe... I wasn't good at feelings"  
"That's an understatement. I seriously thought you were dating Shiro for a while there"  
"I loved him, but I didn't know what to call it. It wasn't until after I met my mum that I knew I loved him like a brother. It confused me... because it wasn't how I felt about you"  
"Geez, Mullet. I don't know whether to be offended or not"  
"How about you? When did you figure out you liked boys?"  
"You. I mean. I found myself watching you. It's confusing though. I mean, men look at other men's bodies and compare themselves all the time. You look at a photo and you're like "damned, he's ripped". But I like girls too... I guess I'm nothing now... I don't mind girls and guys, but I'm more interested in the person for themselves. It's silly"  
"It's not silly. I... uh... I think I'm more attracted to you because it's you..."

Lance was glad the fire was between them. His cheeks warm at Keith's confession. Anxious to take his mind off Keith being so sweet, he tried to redirect the conversation  
"Who was your first kiss?"  
"You"  
Lance shot up in shock. Keith was ridiculously good looking. He was sure all kinds of aliens would be throwing themselves at him  
"What?! How?"  
"What do you mean how?! How... people do it normally?"  
God. Keith had him struggling not to smile. Huffing, Keith kicked at the dirt in front of him  
"Don't be like that! Who was your first kiss then?!"  
"Hunk! When we were in the Garrison"  
"Hunk! Your first kiss was with Hunk!?"  
"It wasn't romantic or anything. We were sneaking out and he was worried. You know how he rambles when he's stressed. He was rambling that he was terrified he'd have to kiss a girl when he'd never kissed anyone before. So, I kissed him"  
Keith's laugh made his heart flutter  
"Oh, my quiznak! I can't even picture Hunk. What did he do?"  
"He stopped talking. But it was too late, one of the teachers heard us and we ended up with detention"  
"I'm not surprised you two got caught. I never would have guessed Hunk was your first kiss, though"

And Allura was his second... Why was it that everything had to happen as he was finally preparing to move on?  
"Who doesn't love the big guy?"  
"He seems really happy on the Atlas"  
Lance already knew this. Hunk was far too busy to talk to him. He couldn't blame him. He'd been taken by Shay the moment they met, and now he had the opportunity to show her the whole universe  
"That's good. Shay's got herself a great tour guide"  
"We could call them, if you want to?"  
Nope. He didn't want to. He was dreading the arrival of the Telula because his damn anxieties didn't know how to handle everything, yet he couldn't wait for the arrival of the Telula because he had his own private quarters there and wouldn't be stuck in all these awkward moments with Keith  
"Nah. They're probably sleeping or busy"  
"Are you sure? I know you're anxious but I'm here"  
"Thanks, but I don't even know what I would say. I don't know what I would say to any of them"  
"That you're an intergalactic man of mystery?"  
Lance snorted loudly, unable to stop himself  
"I never thought I'd hear those words from you. You're more like an "intergalactic man of mystery" than I am"  
"You could tell them you've been working with the police?"  
"That won't work... I'm not sure the Erathian police would welcome questions"  
"You never told me what happened. Only that I got you in trouble"  
"They got mad over the software at the club. Accused me of being a spy for Daibazaal. Said that I was trying to make them look bad and that I'd caused more trouble than I was worth. Which wasn't what they said when I was bailing them out of their messes... anyway... they tried to have someone else off me, it backfired and now they can't go after me again because they're the police who are supposed to be the good guys. So now I need to stay away from Erathus for a bit"  
"They tried to kill you?"

At this point, Lance was kind of used to it. Shrugging, it didn't really change things  
"It's fine. It's not the first time"  
"Lance, that's not fine. All that for a little tech"  
"A "little tech" that hacked where they have an agent working from. The place belongs to a relative of a friend. But I've had a few missions in the club. People coming in dealing stuff. Drugs, gun, human trafficking. Not just the "bad" guys, the police did it too. Jeff at the front desk would call Kre'el, then Kre'el would go from there. Sometimes if someone was getting too rough with the prostitutes, I'd help them out..."

Swallowing hard, Lance took a moment. God. He missed Kre'el. She and Keith would have gotten on so well. They probably would have both ganged up and lectured him insistently over his lack of self-care  
"I've heard you mention Kre'el. She's an officer?"  
"Yeah. She wanted to try something different. Which was the polite way of saying she pissed her bosses off again and got herself fired. She wasn't very good at following the law"  
"Then why was she an officer?"  
"She thought she could change the system. You know. Stop the corruption. After a while it gets repetitive. She probably wanted to make sure that the people being taken to the prison weren't being falsely imprisoned"  
Because Kre'el was stupid like that. Stupidly trying to go against the flow. She would have made a fantastic Red Paladin  
"I'm sorry about your friend"  
"Yeah. She was a good friend..."  
That he didn't want to believe was dead... chopped to pieces, stored in a tube for preservation until they could cut her up further  
"... I think I'm ready for bed soon. I need to go take my pills"  
"Can I help? You didn't take them last night, or the night before. I should know what you take in case something comes up"  
Keith would want to know what everything did, something Lance wasn't quite sure of. He knew whatever he was taking kept Allura away. It hid his marks and it stopped his weird heat. He knew Keith wanted him to stop drugging himself up. That he wanted him to feel everything and work through it, yet it was a thought he didn't want to entertain  
"It's only a couple of pills. They help with sleep and the anxiety. Daehra makes them. They're like herbal supplements"  
Keith bit his lip, Lance wanting to ask what he was thinking but scared of what would come out his mouth  
"I'll be back soon. Why don't you get ready for bed? Maybe put some more wood on?"  
"Alright. But we're going to talk about this"  
"Yes, mum"  
"Good"

*  
When Lance didn't come back within the varga, Keith went looking. Curled up on the thin bed in the ship, an open pill bottle sat on the floor beside it. If Daehra mixed the herbs, then she probably had some idea what she was doing... He hoped she did. She wasn't from Earth, meaning she had no idea how it would affect a human. Picking up the bottle, he sniffed at suspiciously, unable to find a name for the scent coming from it. The contents weren't one of the blue or red pills he'd had scanned, instead, these were yellow and white. He couldn't get tell if Lance had meant to pass out, but he was kind of annoyed he'd fallen asleep on the pod, rather than returning. It felt like Lance had run away again. Taking off Lance's boots, he placed them by the end of the bed, then pulled the last remaining blanket up to cover Lance's shoulders. Had he forced Lance into sleeping there because he kept asking questions? Maybe this was him running away politely? He didn't want to upset Lance repeatedly, but he had no idea when they'd be able to talk honestly and openly without the risk of being overheard. If he back off on the Telula, Lance would be able to hide away in the control room. Lucteal would most likely run interference the moment he set eyes on Lance, while Daehra would get caught up in the middle of it all. 

Residing himself to the fact Lance would be sleeping on the ship, Keith returned to settle down by the fire. They should have most of the quintant, if not all of it before the Telula came. With all the talking Lance had done, maybe he should back right off. He kept causing all these awkward silences between them, like two gears not connecting properly in a mechanism. These problems had plagued Lance for phoebs, so he wasn't as stupid as to think he could fix him. He just wanted him to let him. Covering himself with the blanket Lance had had around his shoulders, he sighed to himself. Tomorrow was a new day. There was nothing he could do until then, even if he knew he wasn't going to get a good night's sleep.

Falling asleep near sunrise, it'd been a frustratingly long night. Lance had turned in far too early. Waking a few vargas later, he climbed from the makeshift bed with a long yawn. The fire had died during the night, Lance having not fed it when he woke. Going about getting ready for the morning, the water was freezing as he bathed. Lance's towel hanging on the line in much the same place it'd hung the day before, with the stones beneath it dry. Meaning Lance hadn't come down for a bath...

Barely washed, Keith towelled himself down and dressed in the same clothes he'd worn the day before. His eyes sore from the lack of sleep the night before, with his head beginning to throb as he jogged back to camp with his focus firmly on Lance as he did. Not slowing down until he'd jogged up the pod's ramp and into the space, he found Lance sitting on the edge of the bed he'd left him in. Pills scattered across the floor as Lance stared blankly across the space. Walking straight over to him, Keith squatted down in front of Lance, finding the other male's eyes red and puffy as scratched at the lines on his left wrist  
"Lance, Buddy, you ok?"  
Hanging his head, Lance shook it as he sniffled. Placing his hand on Lance's knee, he flinched away from the contact. Keith swapping to hold both hands up so Lance could see he didn't have anything in his hold and wasn't about to hurt him  
"Ok. You're ok. Tell me what happened"  
"My pills..."  
"You spilt them?"  
"I went to take them... then... I started thinking about how mad you'd be and I couldn't do it. I can't cope without them"  
"Aw, Lance. Of course, I want you to stop taking them, but you can't rush these things. I've seen what it's like when you do, and it's not good for you"  
"You know?"  
"Yeah, Buddy. When I was in the foster care system, there were a few here and there who couldn't cope with no one wanting us. I've seen a lot. Self-harm. Suicide attempts. Overdoses..."  
Lance let out a small gasp  
"Oh god. I... I didn't know..."  
"It's not something I talk about. I haven't told Shiro all of it. But I do know you can't stop taking them instantly without bad side effects"  
"I must look stupid. Crying over pills"  
"No. Here, stay there and I'll pick them up"  
"I should..."  
"I don't know how to explain it, but I can smell that you're not having a great morning. Did you have a nightmare?"  
"Yeah... you were in that tank. Pounding on the glass and then they cut you up. I tried to take my pills..."  
No wonder Lance was rattled. Thankfully he hadn't had the same nightmare, or he'd probably be clinging to Lance right about now  
"I'm ok. I promise I'm ok. Let me pick these up. How long have you been awake?"  
"I don't know"

Moving to start picking up the spilt tablets, Lance continued to sniffle from his spot on the bed  
"It's still pretty early. We can go back to sleep for a few more vargas"  
"Is it?"  
"Yeah. I thought you said Daehra's pills helped you sleep?"  
"They do. They calm me enough to sleep. It's been phoebs... sometimes I still feel them on my skin. Sometimes I wake up feeling as if they were dragging me from my cell. It gets a bit mixed up when I'm not on the Telula or on Erathus. It took phoebs to get used to sleeping at home"  
"It took me a while to get used to sleeping on Daibazaal too. There's way too much purple there"  
"What a fine pair we make"  
"Yep"

Dropping the last tablet into the bottle, Keith rose to move back to Lance. Sitting down beside him, he looked at the bottle in his hand  
"Put your hand out"  
"Why?"  
"Put your hand out"  
Doing as he was told, Keith turned Lance's hand so his palm was up  
"What ones do you take in the morning?"  
"You're letting me take them?"  
"You don't feel safe here. You need to be in a safe place if you want to go off them. Which ones do I need to give you?"  
"You won't be mad?"  
"No. I don't want to be mad at you. I can't help you if you don't trust me"  
"God. Ok... one of the light red, one of the dark red, one of the dark blue, two of the round white ones, and one of the yellow squarish ones, and... three of the yellow long ones"  
"That's all?"  
"Yeah... it's bad, isn't it?"  
"It's not as bad it could be"  
9 tablets of unprescribed pills wasn't great. Placing each pill into Lance's hand, he noticed how bad Lance was shaking  
"I'm not judging"  
"It's anxiety... I know it looks like a lot. The three long ones are vitamins... the red and the blue help with the pain... I don't know how to go off them..."  
"You start with the ones you've been on for the least amount of time"  
Lance shook his head  
"I can't"  
"You can. We don't have to rush it"  
"No... I can't..."  
"Lance?"  
Quickly Lance moved to dry swallow down the pills. Keith wincing at the idea of swallowing that many tablets without water  
"I can't. Ok... if I go off them, she'll come back. I don't want to see her. I can't"  
Closing his eyes, Keith tried to ignore the throbbing as he wracked his brain. If Lance wasn't going back to sleep on the bed, he just might  
"Allura? You said you saw her"  
"Ever since she died, she's in my head. I can't stand the marks she gave and I don't think I'm strong enough to be able to go back to seeing her"  
"Maybe you won't?"  
"I will... I don't want to, yet she's always there. She doesn't leave"  
"What I mean is, maybe your brain shows you Allura so you have a way to cope with everything happening?"  
"I don't want to see her. I have no control. She's just... there"  
"Did you see her when you were taking the other medication? Before Daehra's pills?"  
"Y-yeah..."  
"Then we'll start there. It's going to take phoebs for all of it to clear your system safely"  
"Then why should I bother? I'm not going to get better"  
"You don't know that. And I'm one hundred per cent committed to being here for you"  
"You can't say things like that"  
"I can"  
"You can't. What if the Blades need you?"  
"I told Krolia I'm staying"  
"Fine. What if Shiro needs you? Or your team?"  
"Then we'll go together if it's something I absolutely can't avoid"  
"That's what this is, isn't it? Like when you didn't want to rule Daibazaal so you started humanitarian runs"  
Clicking his fingers, Keith nodded  
"Yep! That's it. You figured it all out"  
"You're a dork"  
"Maybe. Do you think you can sleep?"  
"I don't know. I feel gross"  
"Do you think you can sleep if I stay?"  
"You want to stay?"  
"I can't be bothered walking back down to camp"  
"Won't this chip into your knife sharpening time?"

Placing the lid on the bottle, Keith climbed around Lance to lay with his back against the wall  
"I need sleep. You need sleep. Go to sleep"  
"Always the charmer"  
"I try. Here, get under the blanket"  
Lance slowly complied, covering them both with the blanket as he did. Laying on his back, he was practically a board as Keith inched closer. The thin cot was definitely not made for two adult males  
"Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you again"  
"I wasn't thinking about that"  
"Good. Close your eyes already, I'm going to hug you"  
Lance squeaked in alarm  
"Hug me?"  
"The bed isn't that big"  
"But... what if I freak out?"  
"Then we'll deal with it. I'm too tired to do anything more than sleep"  
"Can... you maybe lay on your back? I don't think I can handle being held from behind"  
"Sure. Here, come here"

Ending up with Lance nestled into his side, Keith was pretty damned happy as he held him close. It'd been a few long doboshes, to begin with, but slowly Lance had relaxed into his hold. The now shorter male, resting with his head against Keith's chest, ear over his heart. He could probably hear how fast it'd been beating, to begin with, slightly scared he'd pushed too far again by asking Lance to cuddle up to him. Warm, and comforted by Lance's weight, sleep came soon for Keith, and Lance shortly after.

*  
Having slept through most of the day, Lance was a mess when they woke early in the evening. Keith keeping his distance until Lance got his bearings enough to settle back down on the bed next to him, preferring to sit up instead of remain laying like Keith was. Pulling out his communicator from... somewhere, Lance frowned at the device  
"What is it?"  
"Daehra hasn't checked in. I'm just wondering if they're ok"  
"Why not call them?"  
"Because we're in bed together..."  
Biting his lip, Lance's thumbs hovered over the keypad. Nothing had happened while they'd slept, other than him getting the best sleep in a long time. Even Lance looked somewhat refreshed despite having shared a bed which had to be a big move for him  
"Send her a message then? Or I could leave?"  
"No. I mean... you don't have to. You look pretty comfortable"  
"The bed isn't as nice as the ones on the Atlas, but I can't deny I slept like a log. You seem to have too"  
"I... yeah... it probably seems stupid"  
"No. Not at all. It makes me happy that you're letting me in, but we don't need to rush anything. We didn't do anything, so you have nothing to feel bad over"  
"How did... right. I said "we're in bed together""  
"Yeah. Are your nerves ok? I don't mind moving if it's all too much"  
Lance looked down at him, placing the communicator back under his pillow as he did  
"Keith, it's fine. I... actually slept better than I expected. I was thrown because it's... I haven't slept that long without... you know, waking up screaming"  
"Then you should sleep next to me more often"  
"That's pushing it. I'm just being stupid"  
Pointing to his head as he spoke, Keith moved to take Lance's hand into his  
"You're not being stupid. You're worrying about your team, and if I had to guess, how they'd react to you sleeping next to me given you don't like touch like you used to"  
"How did you know?"  
"Because I can see it in your eyes"  
And it was a hell of a lucky guess. Lance had woken and promptly pushed him away before moving to the edge of the bed where he sat for a few long doboshes. When his team hadn't messaged, and mentioning they were in bed together, it was kind of a natural jump  
"They've done so much for me"  
"They're also empaths. If I know you, like I do, then you're worried about what they'd pick up when they touched you. Not only that, you're still processing what happened. Sleeping next to me isn't some great controversy. We didn't do anything other than sleep. You do not need to feel guilty. You haven't done anything wrong"  
"I know... but, Lucteal..."  
Keith couldn't give two shits about that slimy alien bastard who clearly wanted in Lance's pants. He might be important to Lance, but he'd hardly considered trying to keep the peace for Lance's sake  
"Lucteal isn't here. You also haven't known him as long as you've known me. I'm not saying you don't trust him, but I hope you know by now that I have your back"  
Rolling his eyes at him, Lance took his hand back  
"You're ridiculous. If I go take a shower, can you organise dinner? There's supplies in the catch under the trapdoor"  
"It's pretty cold outside. Maybe you skip bathing"  
"I said shower. This pod does have a shower"  
Keith's heart skipped a beat. He'd seen Lance practically naked. His fingers sliding over the thin scars he found across Lance's soft brown skin. Now he knew what had caused them, he wanted to see them all over again. The scars that showed Lance had survived it all  
"I can stay?"  
"The fire is outside. Things will need to be heated through"  
Groaning at him, Keith drew himself up. That seemed like far too much effort when Lance was sitting right beside him in bed. Plus, he wanted to be there to prevent Lance from hurting himself. Lance, however, had other ideas as he slipped from the bed  
"You're lucky you need dinner too, or I'd be campaigning for staying in bed"  
""Mister I-Live-To-Train" actually wants to stay in bed? Humanitarian work has made you soft"  
Being Lance had made him soft. If they'd been on his ship with his team he would have been working out. Instead, he was hoping that Lance wouldn't see him as a threat. That he'd let himself relax enough to recover from what had happened at the outpost  
"Maybe. Maybe it's because I know if something happens, I have all the back up I need"  
With reddening cheeks, Lance glared down at him  
"Get out of bed you lazy shit. Go make sure Kosmo is alright. The swear I'm going to punch you if he's hurt"  
"He's a big boy..."  
"He's not a "big boy". He's "best boy". Now give me some privacy"  
"So demanding. Fine. I'm moving"

Climbing off the bed, Keith moved to the trap door Lance had opened before they'd entered the outpost, opening the panel, he was amazed at how much stuff was crammed in there. Everything from clothes to weaponry was stuffed down there  
"How am I supposed to find food in here?"  
"The red box is food. The black one's a first aid kit. Don't open the blue one, it's a life raft that automatically inflates, and trust me when I say you don't want to be trying to flatten it out again"  
"I'll take your word for it"  
Keith doubted there was the space for a raft to inflate, let alone space to deflate and refold one. The red box in question was buried at the bottom of everything. Sliding it free, he went to pop the clip on the lid  
"Open it outside. I want to shower before it gets any colder"  
"Alright. You'll come down afterwards, right?"  
"Yeah. I'll find you something else to wear while I'm at it. We should wash your clothes before the Telula lands and we're back in the game"  
"Sounds good to me"

Keith didn't know if it was a slip of the tongue or Lance was looking to the future, but it didn't change the fact he'd said "we're" back in the game. Uncharacteristic butterflies erupted in his stomach, thanks to the words of his crush. Every little thing Lance said lingered in his mind, whether he knew it or not. 

Wanting to make sure Daehra was safe for Lance's sake, Keith went about building a new fire for the night, before calling Daehra as it caught. Not answering his call, the half-Galra found himself more worried than he'd thought he'd be. Daehra was supposed to answer. He'd been preparing himself not to sound too stupid when she did. Calling through again, Daehra answered with ticks remaining before the call would have rung out  
"Keith? You are calling? Is everything ok?"  
"Hey, Daehra. We're doing fine, I was calling to make sure you were ok. La-Leandro hadn't heard from you, so he was starting to worry"  
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Daehra shook her head. She looked thoroughly done  
"Sorry. Sorry. As humans would say, it is my stupid brother's fault. Lucteal, he acted like a... We are fine. We shall be approaching your location a quintant or so behind schedule. Lucteal and Zak decided they should play with the engines. Lucteal was most anxious to make sure Leandro was fine. It was not enough after they set the wire on fire. It did not go well. We will need to land and rest the Telula"  
It almost felt like being on the Castle with Pidge, Hunk and Coran tinkering on things  
"If you guys need, we can come to you. Leandro is a little shaky, but he's doing better than he was"  
"Would you mind? I did not wish to interrupt your time together. Leandro always pushes himself too hard. He needed the rest"  
He needed more than rest. He needed to step back and take a break from it all. He needed to allow himself to heal. The Telula needing to be worked on, was a blessing in disguise  
"He does. We're about four sectors out from the outpost. Is there somewhere safe you can land?"  
"Yes. It is a short trip to our home planet. Annla would much enjoy seeing Leandro again"  
That wasn't what he had in mind. A whole planet of empaths. He might have confessed his feelings to Lance, yet there were a whole lot of things Lance wanted to keep hidden  
"How far from where we are, would that be?"  
"About two quintants. The sectors around the outpost experience time fluctuations. For you, it has been three quintants or so, for us, it has already been well past a movement. Lucteal has been most impatient"  
Keith didn't want to think about how many days it'd been between calls then. No wonder Lance was worrying for his team  
"Lance has the coordinates, right? We're not going to take off and find ourselves lost"  
"No. No. They are also in the navigation system. I must go. They are arguing again. Lucteal will be mad that I have spoken to you. He is most frustrating"  
"It sounds like you need a break too"  
"If only. Please notify Leandro that we are indeed alright. If the Telula is going down for repairs, do not rush. We have time"  
"Thanks, Daehra. We'll see you all sometime soon"  
"Be safe, Keith"  
"You too, Daehra"

When the call ended, Keith wondered if he should have been using their codenames. Lance had been almost fanatical about it, yet there he'd been, casually talking to Daehra without a codename in sight. With the fire having caught, there wasn't much point putting it out again. Lance could do with some dinner anyway.

With a prepacked meal heated for both of them, they'd cooled back to barely warm by the time Lance came down to join him. Kosmo whining and thumping his tail as Lance approached, suffering for his own greed. The wolf had come back to the fire at the smell of food. Feathers stuck to his fur as he stretched out to warm his belly, before for shooting Keith a weary and pathetic look  
"What's wrong with Kosmo?"  
"He got into space chickens. He's so stuffed he can't be bothered moving"  
Snorting, Lance bent to rub the fur between Kosmo's ears  
"I told you to leave them alone. You just couldn't do it, could you"  
Whining at him, Kosmo flopped down to his side. His belly fat from his feast of chicken  
"Yeah. You're lucky we're sleeping outside tonight. You'd be kicked right out of the pod if you farted in there"  
Continuing the few steps more, Lance sat down next to him. Keith holding out the plate of food  
"It's cooled down again"  
"That's fine. It pretty much tastes the same either way. It just needs to be cooked through first"  
"I don't know if that's reassuring or not"  
"I love Daehra, and she's an amazing medic, but food is pretty hit and miss"  
"It can't be worse than purple goo. Speaking of Daehra, I gave a call"  
Lance perked right up, his words coming out in a fast mess  
"Is she ok? Are they ok? Is my Telula ok?"  
God. Lance was adorable and he had no idea at all. His eyes practically shone as he waited for Keith's reply  
"Yes. She's ok. Apparently, Lucteal has been driving her crazy"  
"He does that. And my Telula"  
"She's not so ok..."  
Gesturing wildly, Lance barely kept from upending his food on the ground  
"What happened to my ship?!"  
"Lucteal and Zak got to the engines..."  
Groaning, Lance deflated  
"... and now they're going to land to fix them properly"  
"For fuck's sake. Knowing Lucteal, he wanted to get here as soon as possible. Zak would have bitten, saying he could do the engines on the fly... my poor ship"

Keith knew it wasn't just Lance being overdramatic. That ship was his home and his safe haven. It'd been the ship on which he'd found himself again. However, he didn't expect the tears in Lance's eyes. Nudging him gently, Lance didn't meet his eyes  
"Hey, the Telula is going to be ok. Daehra said they were going to land down on her planet, and take the time to fix things properly. She said we can just meet them there"  
"Her planet? Her planet isn't exactly made for ships Telula's size..."  
"I asked if she had someone safe to take her. It's better than bringing her out here, and risking making it all worse"  
"I know... I'm being stupid again. But she's not just a ship"  
"Lance, she's your baby. Like the Atlas is Shiro's baby. I get it. I'd be sad if something happened to my ship too"  
"It feels like the castle again"  
"It's not the castle again. I'll help out with repairs. I may have gotten pretty good out here"  
Nodding, Lance forced a smile for his sake  
"Thanks, Mullet. Do you mind if we leave after dinner? If we're headed to Daehra's planet, we're going to need to take a detour or four"  
"She said it should only be able two quintants"  
"Closer to four. Her pod wouldn't hold up in a real firefight, so we'll go the long way. We'll need to pick up supplies too"  
Supplies... Supplies reminded of him Lance's pills. He seemed to have plenty  
"Are you going to be ok? Do you have enough tablets to make it to the Telula?"  
"I... uh... yeah. Yeah. I think I should"  
Sour citrus drifted of Lance as Keith nudged at him again  
"You don't need to be embarrassed about telling me these things"  
"How do you know how I'm feeling?"  
"A guess?"  
"You've been guessing right far too much. What's going on?"  
"It's going to sound creepy if I tell you"  
"Mullet. Tell me"  
"It's not a Mullet"  
"Keith, then. Please. It's important"  
It was important Keith embarrassed himself? God. If Lance didn't already think him a creep, he would now  
"I can smell it. It must be my Galra genes or something. You know how I've got better senses and stuff. I can smell when your mood changes. And just saying it out a loud makes it sound even worse"  
Wrinkling his nose, Lance seemed to be forcing that horrible scent as hard as he could  
"You can smell it? Like, properly?"  
"Yes? Right now you smell like a whole bunch of oranges and lemons left outside to rot"  
Lance placed his food down, his bottom lip trapped beneath his teeth  
"Lance, what is it?"  
Shaking his head, Lance let it hang  
"Is this to do with what happened? You said I wasn't acting right because of your scent, is that it?"  
"Kind of... you can tell how I feel with my scent?"  
"When you're sad, you smell like rotten fruit. When you're ok, you smell like juniper berries and like salt at the beach. I don't really go around sniffing people, so I don't pay that much attention"  
"They sniffed at me a lot. They kept telling me I smelt good... I can't really smell me that much..."  
"I don't mind. And I'm not going out of my way to sniff you. I guess I understand why it's pretty uncomfortable to talk about"  
"I didn't have a Galra I could ask... they were more concerned with..."  
"If I hug you right now, will it be too much?"  
Nodding, Lance went as far as to shuffle even further away  
"I'm sorry"  
"You don't need to be. This smell thing is new for both of us. Can you smell me?"

Nodding again, Lance moved to draw his legs up. Resting his left cheek against his knee, Lance replied softly  
"You smell like a fire. Like a bonfire, we used to have when we were kids. The whole family would be there. We'd cook over the flames, and launch those fireworks you used to get in the tubes. Everyone was always so happy"  
"Were you?"  
"Kind of... when you're the baby of the family, no one wants to hear your complaints... but it was fun. We toasted marshmallows and eat way too much sugar. Marco would carry me to bed. He'd draw on my face... and everyone would laugh"  
Keith frowned  
"That doesn't sound fun"  
"They were happy. That was the main thing"  
"It's not the main thing. You're allowed to be happy too, you know"  
Lance shrugged, deflecting his words  
"It's ok. They're all the back on Earth, and we're hiding out here. It'll be nice to see Annla again. She reminds me so much of my niece"  
Wracking his brain as he'd never wracked them before, a name came to mind  
"It's Nadia, isn't it. Luis daughter"  
Lance's eyes widened at him, making it all worth it  
"How did you know that?"  
"Because you told me. I know I was a dick, but I did care. It wasn't easy at first. I was in the foster system. Not everywhere was one big happy family. Too many kids and not enough money. After my dad died, I was so angry. Mum was gone. He was gone. They passed me from house to house like I was nothing. Hearing about your family used to piss me off and I guess I locked it all away"  
"It's not fair you had to go through that. I didn't think you'd have remembered. I talked way too much"  
"Nah. You were trying to find a way to fit in, we all were"

Keith would pay a million GAC to see Lance laughing, flirting, and talking non-stop like he used to. A billion more to see him smiling that carefree smile he'd smiled when they'd watched the sunset together  
"Yeah. But I was so annoying. I hate how I was"  
"Don't. Do you think you can eat some dinner before we go?"  
"I feel pretty queasy"  
"Probably because we slept all day. Besides, if I have to eat this, you have to too"  
Lance baulked at his words  
"What? No. That's not how it works"  
"I think it is. Then we'll take Kosmo for a walk unless you plan on leaving the washing behind"  
Lance gave an exaggerated sigh  
"Fiiiine. You know, for someone on my crew, you're pretty bossy"  
Pulling out the best Lance move he could, Keith made a gun with his left hand, firing and throwing a wink in Lance's direction  
"Damn right, I'm pretty"  
Gaping at him, Lance left him hanging long enough for Keith's cheeks to grow warm  
"God. That was awful. I promise not to tell everyone"  
"How was that awful?"  
"Because I didn't say you were pretty"  
"You did too. You said I was "pretty bossy""  
"Yeah. Bossy"  
"Ah, but you said "pretty" first"  
"And now you're can add "pretty annoying" to the list. If I try eating, will you go back to being normal?"  
"Half the plate and you've got a deal"  
"Half?!"  
Forming a gun with his left hand again, all Keith had to do was raise it slightly for Lance to cave  
"Fine! Half. Just. God... no more"  
"Good"  
Raising his finger gun, Keith made to blow across the top, before "holstering" it. Reaching out, Lance shoved him lightly. His lips turned up at the edges in the smallest of smiles. The sour smell of citrus gone  
"You're so fucking weird"  
"At least I made you smile. Besides, no one will ever believe I made a finger gun"  
"I hate that your right. On both accounts. I can't wait to get back to the Telula. I'm going to have Lucteal follow you around"  
"Lucteal doesn't like me"  
"Which makes that arrangement perfect"  
They both knew that Lance wouldn't send Lucteal after Keith. Keith was sure that one way or another, Lucteal would be coming after him at the first chance he got.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful readers... it is me... with another update that shall be fixed when I get home...

Left babysitting Daehra's ship, Keith was bored. Despite the fact he'd never set foot on the trade moon they were at, Lance had insisted that he stay behind due to how "recognisable he was". Pointing out that Lance had two full-body suits and masks, Lance had argued back "that two people dressed that way would draw more attention than one", and that "he'd return shortly". With the large sum of GAC Lance had taken with him, Keith knew that was a lie. He's grown used to handling large sums of GAC when buying supplies and passing money on to refugees with his team, but he'd had no idea what Lance could possibly need. He had called Zak, so maybe he needed to pick up parts. Specialised and antique parts naturally cost more, yet with some careful shopping around, one could maybe find what they needed in a bargain bin. Huffing at him, Kosmo drew Keith's attention away from the space port  
"I don't know what he's up to either, so it's no good asking me"

It was another varga before Lance returned. Jogging up the ramp, the Cuban had a smile on his face as he did. It seemed to Keith that Lance wanted to leave what had happened on that planet behind. They were still sharing a bed, but Lance wouldn't open up like he had, Keith's gentle nudging leading to nothing  
"Stop lazing around, I need a hand"  
Rolling his eyes, Keith pushed Kosmo's head off his lap  
"Nice to see you too"  
"Hurry up. I want to get off this moon as soon as possible"  
Dragging his feet as Keith rose and started moving towards Lance, Lance sighed loudly at him. Grabbing him by the wrist, Keith laughed as he was tugged along  
"Really? You couldn't wait a few more ticks?"  
"Nope. There's a lot to load up, and I might have slightly pissed a few people off"  
"You did what?"  
"It's fine. I forgot I hadn't paid a guy from... another time, and when he saw me shopping, he got cranky"  
"I was stuck here waiting because you wanted to avoid causing trouble, and now you tell me you got yourself in trouble anyway?!"  
Giving Lance the best scowl he could, Lance shrugged it off  
"If you're mad now, you're about to get a whole lot madder"

27 crates. And not just small, light, boxes. 27 awkwardly sized, heavy arse crates. It was right around the second box that Keith decided Lance was banned from ever shopping alone again. Loading up Daehra's ship, Keith was panting hard by the end of it. Lance looked just as bad, or Keith liked to assume so given Lance's face was covered by his mask, while Kosmo was having the time of his life running around yipping at them like he was overseeing it all. Stacking the last crate what seemed like vargas upon vargas later, the space in Daehra's ship was practically nonexistent. There was a small slipway between the controls of the ship, and the bed area, but everywhere else was packed to capacity. Crossing his arms, Keith glared at the mess. Lance didn't seem keen on small spaces and now they'd... he'd... Nope. He wasn't taking any of the blame if Lance freaked out from it all  
"I can see your point, buuuut, like half of this aid for Daehra's planet. The rest is for the Telula"  
"I didn't say anything"  
"You're glaring. That says enough"  
"We already had limited space"  
"And we'll have plenty once we get there. You knew I was going shopping"  
"There's shopping, and there's all of this!"

Keith's frustrations caused him to snap. His mind was already worrying for Lance. Their nights hadn't been completely peaceful. Both of them had had the mother of all nightmares, one after the other. Keith had managed to calm down, but Lance had freaked out completely, needing half a varga of gentle coaxing before he'd crawl out the of the back corner of the sleeping space. Pulling off his mask, Lance looked at him timidly  
"I didn't mean to... take up all of the space"  
It took two ticks of Keith's anger to fade, and three more to feel like a dick. Both Daehra and Lance had said the planet had suffered, yet he was kicking up a fuss over spending a quintant without space for much more than breathing  
"If.. if you want, I can pilot. You and Kosmo can hang out in the back..."  
Lance looked like a kicked puppy. Reaching his hand out, Keith shook it until Lance took it and allowed himself to slide between the two stacks of crates and over to where Keith stood near the pilot's chair  
"No. No. I'm... shocked. I really shouldn't be shocked, so maybe I'm shocked that I'm shocked"  
"I'm not really used to having someone with me when I'm shopping, so I didn't think about the fact we'd be living on top of each other..."  
"Lance, it's fine. I'm hot and tired, I shouldn't have snapped. Do I want to know what's in all these crates? It can't just be food and water?"  
Chewing his lip, Lance pointed with his free hand, not letting go of Keith's hand despite being safely next to him  
"There's holopads, portable generators. Energy crystals, bolts of cloth, seeds, toys... some ore... tools... Things that Daehra and Lucteal would mention were lacking... it's stupid, but they've done so much for everyone else out there that I got a bit carried away over returning the favour"  
"It's not stupid to want to help. Daehra and Lucteal mean a lot to you. When you think of it like that, it's kind of sweet"

Drawing Lance closer, Keith stole a hug. He wanted Lance to know he wasn't mad at him still. Despite the knowledge, they'd have to lug all those crates back out again  
"You're hugging me. I don't think I said you could hug me"  
They were sharing a bed. Keith was pretty sure a sweaty hug was ok for now. Both their nightmares had happened when they hadn't been sleeping next to each other, leaving Keith quietly sure that Lance was starting to like his hugs  
"I know. And I'm sure that they're going to appreciate all of this. If you want, we can submit the costing to Daibazaal. The Galra were the ones who stripped them of everything"  
Despite whispering his reply, Lance had thrown his walls back up. The annoyance in his voice contrasting the fact he hadn't escaped Keith's hug yet. Yeah. Lance definitely liked his hugs...  
"No. We have enough GAC to cover all of this. We don't do it with the hopes Daibazaal will cover the costs"  
"Ok. Ok. I didn't mean it like that. I... seem to be putting my foot in it. You said we need to leave?"  
"Yeah. They don't know Daehra's ship, but we should probably go anyway"  
Letting go of Lance, Lance stretched before eyeing the pilot chair  
"My turn or yours?"  
"You're willingly relinquishing control?"  
"Unless you're too tired from moving crates, old man"  
"Old man! I'm like three years older than you"  
"And yet, you're huffing after a few small crates"  
Growling lightly, Keith pushed his sweaty fringe back from his face. Lance didn't need to know the heat lingering in his cheeks was from both exertion and from initiating hugging Lance without the pretence of the bed being too small for both of them  
"A few! That's it, I'm flying this thing"  
"Good! Because I got us a surprise!"  
"Oh? Really. Did I ask for this surprise?"  
"No. That's why it's called a surprise"  
"You know I don't like surprises"  
"Everyone likes surprises. Good surprises, that is"  
"I don't know if it's a good surprise or not. Just make sure Kosmo's onboard before we leave"  
"Kosmo!"  
Teleporting at his name, Kosmo thumped his tail happily. Rolling his eyes at Lance, that wasn't what he meant  
"I could have done that"  
"You could, Mullet. Yet, you didn't. Let's get out of here already"

Disappearing from view, Lance came back humming. Dropping something down in his lap, Keith grunted at the unexpected impact, as Lance threw himself down in the passenger chair. Looking at the box curiously, it smelt kind of like food, but he wasn't sure  
"What is this?"  
"Dinner. Breakfast. Food? It looked better than rations, and the drink is a kind of like an alien beer. It's pretty good. I've had it before"  
"You're giving me beer? I'm piloting"  
Realising how juvenile it sounded, Lance's laugh was not needed. He simply hadn't expected Lance to reappear with beers for them both  
"It's only one. You'll be fine, Keith"  
"Says you. For all I know, you could have terrible taste"  
"You're the one with the terrible taste. If you're going to be a dick, I'll take my beer back"  
"Nope. It's mine now. You know, you could have just said you'd bought food. You didn't need to hide the fact you did, by calling it a surprise"  
"Obstinado... Dios, dame fuerzas... I was trying to make it sound more entertaining... estúpido"  
Keith didn't necessarily know much Spanish, but he sure as hell had heard "estúpido" before  
"I'm not stupid. You're stupid"  
"You're not supposed to be learning Spanish on this trip"  
"Then stick to English. What was the rest of it"  
Lance hummed  
"Who could say? Anyway, drink up. Make the most of it. Annla will probably be all over you when we get there. She thinks you very handsome. I'd say you were her favourite Paladin"

With the way Lance clung to "Leandro", Keith was somewhat surprised to hear Lance talking about being a Paladin. Though, if he'd been ignored as Lance had been, Keith imagined he might feel the same way  
"Oh? You've told her about me?"  
"Don't be so surprised. She's just a kid. It was all light shows and magical cats to her"  
Sounding bitter about it all, Keith let the subject drop for Lance's sake. Letting a few ticks pass before changing the topic slightly  
"How is her English? We don't have our helmets to help translate anymore, and I don't want to fuck it up"  
Cracking his beer, Lance leaned back and kicked his feet up on the dash  
"You'll be fine. I've talked to her a bit, she's not great, but she can hold a conversation as long as you don't get too complex with your words. I've got some English language books for her, and the rest of the palace. It's still a novelty language to most"  
"Daehra said you'd helped teach her"  
"Yep. Her broken English reminded me of when I was trying to learn. There are so many words that just don't have a direct translation, but... what are you going to do? Annla wants to learn for the future of her planet. Daehra and Lucteal wanted to learn for the exact same reason. I'm not about to kick down someone trying to improve themselves"

Keith's chest felt literally warmed by Lance's words. He'd been treated like absolute shit, and could easily justify treating others like crap, but he'd pushed it all aside for their sakes. Clearing the spaceport, Keith finally gave into Lance's insistence, cautiously taking a sip of the beer. To him, it was almost like a cider, a little sweet for his tastes, but still nice  
"Soooo?"  
"It's good. Better than I expected"  
"Damn right it's good. We've got a whole case back there somewhere"  
If Lance was drugging himself up, it wasn't a leap to think him drinking himself stupid too... a case didn't sound like a good thing  
"I expected it to be closer to nunvil"  
Lance blew a raspberry  
"That's stuff is dangerous. It makes you forget way too much stuff. No, this is nicer. The girls on Erathus used to pool their money together and split a case between them"  
"Girls?!"  
Jealousy caused Keith's voice to squeak. Snorting at him, Lance snapped the ring off the beer can, flicking it at him and hitting him on the cheek. Shooting Lance a glare, the Cuban shrugged  
"Calm down. The girls that work at the club on Erathus. Though, they're not all girls. We all used to take care of each other when we were on planet. Sometimes clients would get too rough. Or they needed something fixed in a hurry..."  
"I wasn't... I was surprised. You haven't talked much about the people you know on Erathus"  
Keith was fooling no one. He was jealous. He wanted to know everything about their time apart, even silly little things like who Lance was hanging out with outside of the Telula's crew  
"Not much to talk about really. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great sometimes, but it was the right place to be for work. Leah was alright. She was my first friend, thanks to one of Erathus's finest. I really don't think you want to know the full story"  
"Lance, no matter what you say, it's not going to change things between us. You know that, right?"  
Lance sighed at him  
"It doesn't work like that Keith. Drink your beer, eat your burger, fly the ship. We'll be planetside and you'll back with your ship in no time"

*  
Lance was falling. He was falling too fast for him to slam the breaks on. Too fast for him to bail out. Too fast for his brain to compute that it was even possible. He was falling back in love with Keith, and that was something he definitely didn't want to happen again. All the feelings Keith brought to the surface were too much. The careful and light touches that told him Keith was respecting his boundaries while trying to show him that he was there for him. The way he patiently waited for Lance to calm, or kept pushing gently so that Lance found himself spilling more than he meant to. The way he insisted he pilot at night, letting Lance shower for as long as he liked without questioning the time taken. The way he claimed there wasn't enough space for them to sleep side by side rather than him curled into Keith's protecting warmth. Touches still scared him. Keith's hand on his hair made him want to break his best friends fingers. When he pulled him close and buried his face against his neck, the pressure against Lance's lips made him want to vomit. But... God... Keith was trying so fucking hard to understand. While Lance simply wanted to push it all aside. He wanted to hurry up and get back to his team. He'd let himself be Lance for Keith, yet Keith was going to leave. He couldn't trust Keith's words. Keith had a whole life out there waiting for him. He didn't need a boyfriend that was falling apart at the seams. When they reached Annla's planet, they'd part ways. He knew it. His stupid heart knew it, yet decided to skip a beat every damn time he laid eyes on stupid Keith. He couldn't trust him to stay. No one ever did. Keith would leave him behind like Allura had. Like the rest of Voltron had.

Splitting the last leg of their trip, Lance was piloting while Keith slept. He'd lied through his teeth. He'd told Keith he was fine, even though the stupid half-Galra could probably smell he wasn't. Taking double his pills, he'd prayed his scent had been muted, or at least had died down. Since Keith had admitted he could smell the way Lance felt, he'd been doubling his doses, or sneaking extra pills when Keith wasn't there to supervise. He was lying through his teeth, abusing Keith's trust, all because he couldn't get his shit together. After all that they'd taken from him, he'd thought all feelings for Keith had died with his ability to love or lust, so why was all of this so fucking painful? From the moment Keith had shown up unwelcome on Erathus, he'd been left scrambling to comprehend. He didn't... deep down he didn't want to let Keith to go, but that was selfish when he couldn't give in when he couldn't give Keith all of himself like Keith seemed prepared to do for him. Keith still didn't know he could fall pregnant or carry. He didn't know... that. How did even tell Keith his body was even more messed up than he could believe? He couldn't let Keith penetrate his defences any further. When the Telula was repaired, he'd take his crew and leave Keith behind. Keith would safe. His heart would hurt, but he'd move on... with someone who wasn't him. Annla had loved all the stories about him, her royal blood would prevent anything happening to him if he was her guest... Pressing the black injector gun against his leg, Lance let the drugs shoulder the burdens of his mind. In a couple more vargas they'd land and Lance would be gone again, Keith would never know how much he'd wept as his heart broke over the future to come.

*  
Tossing and turning, unable to truly bed down for the last few vargas of the trip, Keith's managed a few moments of sleep before there was a soft jolt and a loud hiss from the loading ramp. Dragging himself out of bed, he nudged Kosmo with his toes. His wolf sluggish as he dragged himself up like he didn't want to leave Daehra's pod. There was an almost visible aura of sadness as Keith slid between the crates to find Lance already walking down the loading ramp, his stance tall, not at all bothered by the bright light waiting for them. Jogging the few steps down the ramp, Keith was taken back by how grey everything was. It seemed as if the only thing that wasn't grey on the planet was the yellow tinted sky above them, and the flash of blue and white that was racing towards Lance. With the threat unknown, Keith rushed towards Lance, pulling him back and into his hold before he became its victim. Stumbling to a stop, a small girl scrunched her face up in confusion. In his arms, Lance sighed loudly, pushing him off  
"What the hell, man?"  
Keith felt sheepish. The tiny girl was hardly a threat, her blue hair a frizzy mess explaining the flash of blue, while her white dress was crinkle-free. It was Arus all over again... shaking his head, Lance moved to kneel in front of the small girl  
"Hello, m' lady. I hope you'll excuse the former Black Paladin, Keith. His brain doesn't always kick over in time"  
"Lance! Daehra said you were coming! Throwing herself at Lance, Lance caught her with ease, letting himself fall backwards as he hugged the girl tightly, laughing as he did  
"This isn't exactly the behaviour of a Princess Annla!"

So this was Annla. She was tiny. Lance had said she was a kid but did all kids come this small? Her voice was stern, which only made Lance laugh more  
"I don't care! You kept me waiting!"  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I had to pick up some gifts on the way! Plus, I had Keith with me, and Kosmo"  
Annla released Lance, dusting herself off as she looked past them towards the ship  
"Kosmo?! Where is wolf!?"  
Hiding behind Keith, Kosmo tripped over his own feet as Annla approached him, trying to hide himself from the tiny girl. Pulling himself up off the ground, Lance moved to stand behind Annla, his hands on the tiny alien girl's shoulders  
"Annla, you can't just pat Kosmo. You have to introduce yourself to Keith first"  
"Former Paladin Keith, I am Annla, can I pat wolf?"  
Releasing Annla's left shoulder, Lance dragged his hand rubbed his face across his eyes, before pinching the bridge of his nose  
"Keith, this is Princess Annla. She's Daehra and Lucteal's little sister. We met during a mission. Annla, you can call Keith by his name. If you want to pat Kosmo, you need to say that clearly"  
Annla looked up over her shoulder to Lance's face. Giving a nod, the girl looked back to Keith  
"Keith, may I please pat Kosmo? I am sorry. Lance has told me so much about you both, I forgot we haven't met. You make him very hap..."  
Placing his hand over Annla's mouth, she licked Lance's palm. Lance pulling his hand back and shaking it  
"Annla, you don't need to include the rest"

Having not spoken since this strange introductions started, Keith cleared his throat  
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Princess Annla. Kosmo is a little scared, but he's harmless"  
Sidestepping enough for Annla to see Kosmo, Kosmo cautiously sniffed at the little girl. If she was related to Daehra and Lucteal, then she'd be an empath too. It was kind of weird Lance was willing to allow Annla to hug him. Keith was kind of glad she hadn't shaken his hand. He didn't need her knowing he felt a moron, or that he was worried for Lance. Her black eyes left him feeling oddly naked under her gaze, so poor Kosmo was offered up as a distraction. Trying to catch Lance's eyes, Lance turned away from him  
"Daehra and Lucteal are already on their way. I spoke to them before we landed. Annla has been talking their ears off all morning so they let her come first when we landed. They'll be here shortly with help to unpack. The Telula is a few hundred metres past that rise..."  
Pointing to a random sandhill, Keith could only take Lance's word for it. He hadn't heard Lance call Daehra, or make any of these plans that were now in place. He got the feeling Lance had wanted it that way like Lance was pushing him aside now that he was going to be reuniting with his team. It was a bitter pill. Keith had sworn not to leave Lance, yet Lance thought he was going to. The time they'd spent trying to make this delicate thing between them work, wasn't so easy to throw aside. He knew Lance felt it too. Better and stronger together. So no matter what Lance threw at him, he'd let him wear himself out with his hissy fit, then show him how stupid he was being. Breaking her patting of Kosmo, Annla's small hand closed around his arm before Keith could pull away. Staring up at him with her black eyes, Keith's breath caught at the intensity of her gaze  
"Lance is ill. I pray your feelings reach him. For he bleeds while no one knows"  
A lump of emotions clogged Keith's throat. Annla's childish innocence translating Lance's emotional pain into something physical  
"I pray for that too... he's important to me"  
"Then we are friends. Watch him closely"

Misinterpreting what Annla was trying to tell him, Keith lifted her small hand off his arm. Lance was tapping on his communicator and ignoring both of them. He'd known Lance was good with children, but the happiness he'd shown at seeing Annla was another side to his crush that he hadn't really seen. With her, Lance's walls didn't seem to exist, leaving Keith feeling ok the outside. He almost wished they still had access to the mind-meld technology of the castle. All he wanted to do was understand, no matter the cost.

*  
Lance was in command mode as he directed the removal of the crates. Keith standing off to the side with Kosmo, having been informed "he'd only be in the way" by Lucteal. The alien seemed as if he was attempting to show off to Lance as he bossed his fellow aliens around, while Lance ignored everything he did. At the rate he was going, Lucteal was likely to injure himself before catching Lance's attention as a potential love interest. Standing by his side, Daehra kept casting Lance worried looks as he helped move crates down from the pod. Watching Lance stagger slightly as he let go of the aid box he'd helped place on a hover trolley, Keith went to move towards him, only for Daehra to rush to Lance's side and his steps to stall before they'd begun. Waving her off, Lance wasn't impressed as he whispered something at her, Daehra's face fierce as she whispered back. Whatever it was, the moment passed when Lance jogged back up the ramp to the pod to help with the next box. There were a few more ticks when Daehra didn't seek him out he thought Lance would be ok. Less than a dobosh later, Keith was proven wrong. One moment Lance was appearing at the top of the ramp, the next he was falling. This time Keith's feet moved without thinking. Pushing his way through the stalled aliens who were blocking his view of his crush, he found Lance spasming on the ramp, vomit bubbling from his lips and threw the small vents in his mask  
"Move!"  
Scaring the empaths, Keith threw himself down by Lance, peeling off the mask that Lance had placed on only moments before Daehra and Lucteal arrived, in order to clear Lance's mouth. He knew he wasn't supposed to touch someone having a seizure, but Lance was more likely to choke to death on his own vomit. He hadn't seen a seizure-like this since an incident in a foster home which led to him being bounced to the next home on the list. Turning Lance on his side, which was no small effort, Keith forced his mouth open. Watery sick coming out in small pulses as his body continued to shake violently. Lance was burning up badly with fever, and he'd missed it all. He hadn't looked flushed when hugging Annla, exhausted but ok... How had he missed it?!  
"Keith?!"  
Coming to his side, Daehra's eyes were wide. Maybe seizures weren't a thing here? She looked like she had no idea what to do. Taking fast, Keith remained kneeling near Lance's face  
"He's having a seizure. We need to bring his temperature down. Can you get me some water, and we'll need to take him somewhere we can monitor his condition"  
"Lucteal..."  
Swapping to her own language Daehra barked out commands, causing the bystanders to snap into action. Lance's body giving a few more harsh spasms before slowing to what Keith could only call hard shudders before his best friend fell limp in his hold. Shaking Lance's shoulder, Lance didn't rouse. 

Stroking Lance's hair, Keith's heart was pounding so hard he could hear his own pulse, nearly deaf to Lucteal passing him a cold wet towel that he recognised as the one he'd been using while aboard the pod. Folding it, he placed it over Lance's forehead. Water was limited on the pod, and ideally, Keith wanted to get Lance into a cool bath where he could clean him down  
"Keith?"  
Unusually quiet, Lucteal hovered by his side as he whispered Keith's name. He didn't need to be an empath to tell Lucteal was just as scared as Daehra  
"Do you have a bath here somewhere? Somewhere I can set him down in cool clean water to bring his temperature down. He'll need herbs too..."  
Daehra nodded quickly  
"Bring him quickly, I will show you. Lucteal, take Annla to the palace"  
Fear held Lucteal's tongue. The man laying the towel back across Lance's forehead as it slipped when Keith lifted Lance into his hold, the alien had tears in his eyes as he visibly set his jaw.

Thankful for his strength, Keith strode after Daehra. Lance had landed a few dozen, maybe a hundred metres away from a small village in front of a large cave mouth. Ignoring what was going on around them, Keith's focus was solely on getting Lance help  
"In here"  
Following her into a plain grey building, the place had been used rather recently. That was Keith's only passing thought as they moved through a kitchen like area and into a back room which seemed to be a very basic bathroom. Laying Lance down in the bath, he was still limp as Keith clumsily turned both taps on. He had to get Lance's temperature down, but he didn't want to freeze him in the process  
"Keith, what can I do?"  
"I need to strip him down. Can you get towels and a blanket ready?"  
"Of course. He would not wish for me to see this. I knew he felt ill..."  
"Daehra, I'll handle him. I just need you to get things ready for when he comes out the bath. He'll need herbs to keep the fever down, and do you have some way of testing his blood to find out what triggered the fever?"  
"Possibly. We rely on very basic medicine here. Maybe on the Telula?"  
The Telula was a walk in the other direction if Lance's sense of direction was to be trusted. Undoing the comms around his wrist, Keith placed it down, then removed his own comms to place it down beside it  
"Lance trusts you. He says you're the best medical expert he knows. I know basic first aid, so I'm trusting you to figure out what comes after this"  
"Thank you, Keith. I shall organise things for you. Please take your time. We have been using this residence"

Cursing Lance as he stripped off the soaked bodysuits he was wearing, Keith was cursing himself. He didn't understand how he'd missed all of this. Lance didn't smell... off. He didn't want to be sniffing his friend, but with their weird scent thing, he found himself doing just that. He also didn't want to be touching Lance while he was unconscious, but again, he had to do just that to make sure he was clean. It was hard not to feel self-conscious as his hands dipped down to pull Lance's underwear off, the boxer briefs revealing three small puncture wounds amidst a multiple of self-caused scars. They hadn't talked about it, but Keith had wondered how Lance had healed so damn fast. The wounds from the crash healed within quintants of the accident... which just wasn't normal, as had the cuts he'd seen Lance inflict upon himself. It seemed as if Lance had given up on treating his body like the treasure it was. The three puncture wounds had to be from injections... They'd talked about this... so why would Lance be taking more than he usually took. Keith couldn't understand. Lance let him help with his pills. He'd been helping... Tears rolled down the half-Galra's face as his eyes roamed over Lance's body. Lance was killing himself right in front of him... and he'd aided in that. 

When Lance's temperature had lowered enough for Keith's liking, he lifted his friend from the water, cradling in his lap as he calmed himself for a moment. Small traces of blood running down Lance's inner thighs. Keith wasn't sure he understood Lance bleeding. He could have chalked the previous bleeding up to damages from being repeatedly raped. Galra weren't exactly small down there, or so he'd learned in the communal showers of the Blades  
"Daehra! Can I have a towel please?!"  
Cracking open the bathroom door a sliver, a towel appeared in the gap  
"I have my hands full. He's mostly covered"  
As Daehra entered the bathroom, Keith found himself biting down the feeling he needed to growl at her presence. Lance was naked and vulnerable. A sight that not everyone should see. Reaching out to take the towel, Daehra passed it over  
"Keith? Are you alright?"  
No. He was kind of freaking out that he wanted to growl  
"Yeah. We'll be out shortly. Have you got a blanket for him?"  
"Yes. Lucteal has had the last of the crates moved to the settlement. Lance had mentioned some were for the Telula, but we shall have to wait until he awakens"  
"The stupid bastard overdosed... I know he says he needs the pills, but this needs to stop. Whatever you put in his tablets needs to change. Herbs and vitamins are fine, but nothing else. He's killing himself taking them, and I refuse to lose him"  
His tone was icy, Daehra cringing as the overwhelming rage he was emitting  
"I..."  
"I'll watch over him. He needs fluid to flush his system and he needs to come off those pills. You probably know where he keeps them. I want them changed. I want to bring him off everything in slow increments, too fast and it'll kill him. We're not going to let him keep doing this to himself. No matter what he says"  
"Keith"  
"I love him, Daehra. I love him. I know he's your leader, but he's going to be sad and sorry for himself when he wakes up. I don't want him knowing we're weaning down his drugs. If he knows, he'll pull some stupid shit like this again"

It wasn't his place to be scolding Daehra but his emotions were at breaking point. Lance could have fucking died. He still could die. He'd wanted to wean him down, and now Lance had forced his hand, upping the whole process. The stupid Cuban arsehole had dumped more shit on him in the last phoeb than he'd believed possible. He still hadn't contacted Shiro about the outpost. He hadn't called to check in with his mother to let her know where they were. Veronica had probably been calling Lance, so had his family. And the damn idiot had had the nerve to nearly off himself in some stupid attempt to be strong. It all came the out, with Daehra left to take the brunt. Now he was crying like an idiot as he cradled Lance. The guilt he felt at not realising anything was wrong was as raw as when Lance confessed all he'd been going through without him. He'd told Lance he wanted to stay. Even if it was as his right-hand man, instead of his boyfriend or even lover  
"Keith... I do not know what to say"  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... Lance told me everything that happened. He's been through so much. I thought I was getting through to him. I thought he understood where I was coming from..."  
He hated crying. He hated feeling weak. He hated that Lance could have left him like his father had, disappearing out of his life and into the next while he was left behind  
"You are not to blame for Leandro's actions. He chose this for himself, and I cannot believe he would try to end his own life. I believe he was trying to stand strong for you. He has always held you in high regard. I will see you left to tend to him. I will tell Annla that he ingested something that did not agree with his physiology. I would like to move him to the Telula for a full medical scan"  
Looking at Lance's soft face, Keith angrily wiped the tears rolling down his face  
"I can't... let him go"  
"You will not have to. I will organise it. You will see"  
Nodding, Keith sniffled. Why did he have to love such a stupid, stubborn arsehole?  
"Thank you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know ya'll want major progression, but Keith's working hard to build up Lance's trust. But we take huge steps soooooon. I swear


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meow

Moved with the help of a hover trolley, Lance looked even worse under the lights of the Telula. Having scanned his body, Daehra set up a drip line with a herbal concoction to help flush Lance's system of the excess drugs, as well as lower his fever. It was only by some miracle that Lance was still breathing on his own unaided. Holding the Cuban's hand firmly, Keith hadn't left his side as he waited for him to wake, having fallen asleep with his cheek against Lance's palm, and Kosmo by his side. The question of "why?" had plagued his mind right up to the moment the exhaustion of everything hit him like a 2-by-4 to the face.

Waking to something tickling his cheek, Keith jerked back when he realised Lance's hand was moving. Grasping it firmly with his left hand, Keith's attention shot to Lance's face. The pain in his eyes causing him to tear up again as he surged up to hug Lance as tightly as he could with his right arm. Burying his neck against Lance's neck, he choked out  
"You stupid bastard... you nearly left me"  
Coughing, Lance's voice was a gravelly rasp  
"What... happened?"  
"You took too many drugs. You had a seizure and you wouldn't wake up... I thought I lost you..."  
"Keith..."  
Pulling back from the hug, Keith glared at Lance. Lance wincing at the fierce look  
"Why?! Why would you do that?! Daehra said you had double your daily pills, plus triple that golden liquid stuff in your system! Your body went into meltdown! Why, Lance!?"  
Lance's bottom lip trembled  
"Don't give me that! I thought we were getting closer again! I thought I was helping you! That I was getting through to you how serious I am about staying with you! You tried to kill yourself... because of me"  
"No! No..."  
"No, what? You do this. You cut me out. You keep pushing me away! I don't understand why you don't believe me!"  
"Because everyone leaves!"  
Coughing, Lance rubbed at his throat. Keith caught off guard at Lance's words  
"Everyone leaves, Keith. I didn't try to kill my self, I tried to kill what I'm feeling. I can't afford to feel. I can't afford to slip up. I have to... I have to keep moving forward. I didn't try to kill myself. I tried to kill..."  
"You tried to kill what?"  
"Me... because everyone leaves and I knew you would now that the mission is over"  
Keith stared at Lance in shock  
"I'm not ok. I can't keep being Lance. I can't be with you. I can't give you my heart. I can't even stand the thought of kisses, let alone being fucked. You were going to wake up sooner rather than later and see that I am not worth any of this effort. I took... I took more because... I wanted to kill off these emotions. I'm barely human anymore. Could you say that in 5 years, 10 years, you weren't going to see how much of a fuck-up I am? I can't love you as you deserve, so I don't want to feel anything... I'm not worth anything..."  
"How can you say that?! What about all the good you're doing?"  
"Making you cry. Making you lie. Making you think I tried to off myself because of you. How is that good for you? You're lying to your mum. To Shiro. To your family, because I can't get my shit together. Ever since you turned up on my goddamn doorstep, you brought everything back. Why can't you see I'm not worth it?"  
"Because I love you"  
"I don't love you, Keith"  
"Lance..."  
Keith's heart began to race, sick dread filling him  
"I don't. I don't love you. I don't think I love anyone anymore. Go home"  
"Lance"  
"Go home! I don't love you! I don't want you here! You can't fix me!"  
"I don't care if you don't love me, you fucking idiot, I love you!"  
"Do you want to know how I feel about love?! It makes me sick. When you touch me, I want to tear my own skin off! When you're nice to me, I want to vomit. When you sit there watching me, I want to break your fingers!"  
"No. You don't mean that"  
Denial came thick and fast to Keith. He'd seen it Lance's eyes, in his touches. In the way he smiled, and relaxed into his hold. Lance had come so far. He'd reached out his hand, and Keith had pulled him close  
"Get out"  
"Lance, please. Don't do this"  
"Get out!"  
He was ugly crying now. His world felt like it was shattering  
"L-Lance"

"What's going on here?"  
Whether already coming to check on Lance, or drawn by their yelling, Daehra walked into the med bay. Her question taking Lance's attention from him  
"Keith was leaving"  
"Lance, please..."  
"Go home, Keith"  
"Lance"  
"Go home! I don't want you here! I've humoured you long enough. You're not my friend. You're not my family and your love, it disgusts me"

Unable to take anymore, Keith fled for the medbay doors, collapsing against them as his strength gave out. With his chest heaving, he couldn't believe Lance would say those things. He knew he didn't mean them. He couldn't have possibly meant them. Lance was trying to drive him away. But god, it fucking hurt. Driving the heels of his palms into his eyes, he tried to calm his breathing... but it was hard when Lance was right behind those doors. Lance was talking to Daehra instead of him. Why couldn't it be him?

*  
"Leandro, did you really need to treat Keith in such a manner?"  
Grasping his chest, Lance struggled for breath. His heart feeling like it was shattering in a way it hadn't since Allura died. Sucking in a desperate breath, his lungs refused to cooperate. He didn't want to hurt Keith. He didn't want to hurt anyone. But, Keith... he... he would leave. He hadn't meant to overdose. He'd simply wanted to keep up the appearance of Leandro for his team and protect himself from Keith leaving the only way he knew how. Letting out a choked sob, Daehra rushed to his side, gathering him into her hold. He didn't have the energy to push things down anymore, knowing that every single thing he felt for Keith was flooding into her  
"Oh, Lance... why? Why, could you not tell him?"  
"Because he deserves the world... I can't hold him back"  
"He loves you"  
"I think... I'm falling for him all over again, but he deserves better than someone like me"  
He'd tried so hard to not breakdown against Daehra like this. He'd tried so hard to be everything everyone wanted  
"He chose you"  
"I can't choose him. I can't. There's things he doesn't know... if he... if he knew... if he knew he'd leave on the spot. If he's going to leave, then he needs to go before I fall even harder for him... I love him... but I can't, Daehra. I can't be with someone like that again"  
Hushing him softly, Daehra rocked him as she fiddled with his IV line with her other hand  
"He cares for you far more than words can see. He did not leave your side since you collapsed. He refused to eat or sleep"  
"See! How is that healthy? I can't be responsible for him"  
"You are not responsible for him, Lance. He made the choice to stay"  
"For how long? The pills don't work when he's so close. He's so gentle, but I can't help but feel sick. He... I can't do that to him, Dae... I can't"  
Sobbing out his feelings warmth started spreading through his body, radiating from the IV in his arm  
"Shhhh. You are very weak. You need rest. Much rest"  
Letting her hold him, he hated himself so much that he wished he hadn't woke. His body was wrong. His face was wrong. His mind was wrong. He'd come back wrong. So everything he was feeling for Keith, must too be wrong. Not knowing that Daehra had opened the line to sedate him, it wasn't long before Lance was back out of it again. The woman having prepared a separate line on Keith's warning that Lance may grow violent due to the drugs in his system and the fact he was going to be thrown off by suddenly being in an environment that his brain might not recognise immediately. Lowering Lance down, the woman sighed. Both of them were idiots in her books.

*  
Half falling back when the door opened behind him, Keith barely noticed. Moving to squat down in front of him, Daehra placed her hand on his own  
"Keith?"  
With watery amethyst eyes, Keith blinked in an attempt to make his whole world less blurred  
"How is he?"  
"Not good. We should speak"  
Despite the abuse Lance had thrown his way, Keith didn't want to leave him in the med bay alone. Kosmo might have been there, but he couldn't help in an emergency  
"I can't..."  
"You are both... I swear!"  
Daehra's remark sounded like she thought "I swear" was the same as actually swearing  
"Did he... I mean..."  
"He spoke"  
"And?"  
"You are both frustrating"  
"He's disgusted by me"  
Shaking her head, Keith was sure Daehra was doing so in pity  
"No. He is scared"  
"I know he's scared. He's been scared since... before I even came back into his life"  
Taking her hand off his arm, Daehra pressed it to his chest  
"He is scared here. He loves you, and he is scared by that"  
"He doesn't love me"  
"If he does not love you, why did he just tell me he has "fallen" for you?"  
"He... did?"  
Nodding, Daehra gave him as sad smile  
"He loves you. I could feel it as I held him. He loves you and he is scared of what that means. He is sure you will leave"  
"I don't want to leave him. I told him I don't want to"  
"Keith. The heart and the mind do not always align. He does not believe he can overcome his fears. He fears he will hurt you. That somehow his love is wrong. I know his words hurt. But he wants to love you. He is simply scared of where that love will lead"  
He wasn't fucking Allura. He wasn't going to leave Lance behind to start all over again with a broken heart. He didn't want to live in her shadow  
"What do I do then?"  
"You stay. The Telula still needs many repairs. You stay, you help"  
"I was going to, but he won't listen"  
"I think it best I show you something. You have given me much to think about. I feel as if I'm betraying Lance, but he has... I fear for him"  
"Show me what?"  
"Come"

Walking back into the medbay, Lance was out cold again. Kosmo had moved to lay up against him, his head resting on Lance's chest  
"Do not worry, he will not wake. He will probably not remember waking up and fighting with you"  
That didn't make things alright. It didn't take away the hurt done by Lance's words. The only small comfort he had was that Lance hadn't tried to kill himself. No. He'd only tried to kill the feelings he had for him, which stung like all fuck  
"I want to show you something now I know Lance has not told me everything"  
"What?"  
"Here, you come"  
Following Daehra down to the end of the room where the scanner equipment was located, Daehra pulled up a hologram  
"This is Lance's body. I feel he is hiding something more from me. I can tell you were confused by his cycle. Answer me honestly, this is not normal for someone of his physiology"  
"No..."  
Sighing, Daehra manipulated the hologram to Lance's pelvic region. Keith trying not to blush at the holographic image of Lance's junk. It'd been bad enough cleaning him down there. There was nothing sexual in his actions, but looking felt wrong, even if he'd seen it before. Tapping, Daehra spun the image, before enlarging something  
"I don't know what I'm looking at"  
"This is Lance's womb. Human males do not have wombs"  
His what now?! What... what?  
"There has to be a mistake. Lance... is human. No. He was not born with a womb"  
"These scanners do not lie. Before meeting him, I was trained not in-depth with this technology. I tested his pills without his permission"  
Feeling dizzy, Keith stumbled to grab the end of the bed. He didn't understand a damn thing about how this could have happened  
"I test all his pills. I have run simulations, and have drawn conclusions"  
"Tell me"  
"If Lance did not take his pills, his marks would return. His body would regulate and his cycle would begin. He emits a scent that is appealing to Galra. And most probably those who do not share his same genetic base. He always spoke fondly of you, and I believe I understand now. He has undergone changes on a genetic level from male human physiology. I think he also fears that you cannot love him how he is, because he cannot love himself how he is. You and I are the only two to know this. I have not informed the others. Though I do wish he had told me. I did not make the decision to follow him because of his body. He has always been an excellent leader. We will continue to follow him because he needs whatever he is getting out of this. His mood may drop lower when he learns the Telula was take many moons to fix. This is all a lot to think of. He will not wake for many vargas, and your Kosmo will be with him. Go rest. Think. If you cannot love him, then leave. If you do love him, make peace with your past, and explain to those you love you need to be with him for now. You give each other strength. I feel it deeply"  
Keith's head was still spinning. He wasn't sure he knew which way was up as he nodded  
"Thanks... I... need to think, I think..."  
"Please rest"  
Nodding again, he felt numb as he forced himself out the medbay and through the Telula. Instead of returning to the quarters he'd used, he walked the extra few steps to Lance's, quietly letting himself into the darkened space. 

Ignoring the soft light that turned on automatically, Keith dropped down on Lance's bed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Lance didn't make helping him easy. What the fuck had Allura done to him? Did she mean to change his body so drastically? Or was it a by-product of giving Lance part of her life force? Wiping at his tired eyes, he let himself crawl slowly under the covers of Lance's bed, bathing himself in the scents Lance had left behind. Beneath his head, something hard dug through the pillow, irritating him and teasing him with the thought it could be more drugs. Grabbing the hard thing out, he found it to be Lance's orange communicator, his thumb accidentally taking it out of standby mode where he was flooded with bright light and what seemed a long message and call list from Veronica. Fuck. Of course, she'd been worried. Her and Lance talked far too frequently for Lance to just disappear without telling her. Shiro might have said they were on a mission, but now Keith felt like he had to explain what was happening. If she pushed Lance too far, things could get even quiznakking worse. Scrolling through the contact list, he found misses calls from Lance's home and a message from Hunk talking about having a get together in a few movements. He said he needed to talk to Lance, but the message was two movements old now and he hadn't tried to call. Wiping at his face, Keith scrolled back through the list. Lance was so loved by his family, yet was hurting so bad he couldn't accept that love at the moment. Without knowing what time it was on Earth, Keith found himself calling Lance's mother.

"Lance?! Mijo?! Are you alright?..."  
Swapping to Spanish, Lance's mother had his head swimming. She took a few moments to slow, then finally asked  
"Lance?"  
"Hi, sorry. It's actually Keith"  
"Keith?! Why are you calling? Is it Lance? No... no..."  
Her mind had leapt to the worst place possible. Keith kicking himself for not interrupting further  
"Lance is fine. He's asleep at the moment, we just came back from a covert mission. He pretty much fell asleep within minutes of getting back. I saw how many times you called, so I wanted to reassure you he's ok"  
"Thank the lord. Thank you, Keith. That boy never stops to think when he's on a mission. Is he there? Can he talk?"  
Chewing his lip, Keith shook his head before remembering it was an audio-only call  
"No. He's in the other room sleeping. I just didn't want you to continue worrying. He was helping me out on an off the book mission, that wound up taking longer than intended"  
"Thank you, Keith... At least someone knows the value of a call"  
It hurt to hear the pain in her voice  
"Can... I ask you a question?"  
There was a pause from Lance's mother  
"Yes, yes. You're as good as a son to me after helping my Lance, and saving our planet. Please, go ahead"  
"If I said that I had feelings for Lance, would you be ok with that?"  
Keith didn't expect the laughter, or the apology as Lance's mother laughed  
"I'm sorry. Your feelings for him were obvious to everyone but him. You wish to date Lance, then you need to ask him"  
"I know, but you're all so important to him. I don't want to... do anything to ruin that"  
Lance's mother sobered  
"After Allura died, Lance lost himself. My son... he has issues. He was jumping at shadows, scared of loud noises, stuck in love with Allura. When he left suddenly, we were all confused, but he seemed happy. If you two have found your way back to each other, then I know nothing will make him happier. He is stubborn, stupid and foolish, but he is my baby"  
"I understand. I know how much Allura dying hurt him. Recently we've been talking about it. I want to date him, but I don't know if I'm the best choice"  
"That is for Lance to choose. You are a fine young man, Keith. I will not need to worry as much if you're by his side"  
She'd probably have a heart attack on the spot if she knew what Lance had gone through. No wonder calling home was hard  
"Thank you. I'm sorry for calling randomly. I don't even know what the time is"  
"No. I appreciate it. Please tell Lance to call when he can. We miss him... and please, keep him safe"  
"Um... I promise I will, but can you not tell anyone about what I asked? Lance and I are still working things out, and it's going to take time"  
"When you are ready, you will tell me. Now go rest, I hear the exhaustion in your voice"  
Snorting, Keith nodded before remembering she couldn't see him  
"Thanks. You too"

Well. He had Lance's mother's permission. Not that Lance needed permission to date, he just didn't want to risk coming between Lance and family. He didn't think it would be too big of a deal... actually, no, he was glad the words had slipped out without him thinking because now that he was, he was slightly freaking out. Still, he didn't have time to rest just yet. Scrolling through Lance's communicator, he found Shiro's name. He really needed Shiro right about now to tell him what the hell to do. Calling Shiro, Keith swore it took even longer than normal for his adopted brother to answer. Dressed in formal wear, Keith had the feeling he'd interrupted some kind of diplomatic meeting, but couldn't bring himself to care  
"You're not Lance"  
"No. Can you talk?"  
"Sure. What's going on?"  
"I... Shiro, I don't even know where to begin"  
"I'm assuming it's Lance?"  
Stupid tears rolled down his face, Shiro's eyes widening. With a small flurry of movement, Shiro had changed location  
"Keith, what's wrong?"  
"I don't know what to do"  
"First off, are you and he safe?"  
Nodding, Keith wiped at a stray tear with his thumb  
"We're on a friendly planet. Two of his crew come from here and they all love Lance"  
"Good. That's good. Now, are you both alright?"  
"I don't know... Shiro, he's so convinced that I'm going to leave him like Allura did, he nearly got himself killed"  
"Is he ok now?"  
"Physically. His team's medic is looking after him. The mission... god, Shiro. It was a mess. We didn't find Guile, but we found a whole lot of people hacked to pieces. Lance saw the... he freaked. It took me two days to calm him down... he keeps trying to act like it never happened, and he keeps pushing me away because he thinks I'm not going to stay. I'm fucking scared for him"  
"Keith... I think you should let us come to you"  
"He'd only get more upset. You know how he thinks. He thinks he's some great burden, even when he's done nothing wrong. His anxiety levels are so high. I keep telling him I'm staying here, but he won't listen"  
Sighing, Shiro nodded  
"I understand. I had... similar problems with Curtis. The feeling I'd let Adam down, and not knowing if I could be there at the crucial moment for him"  
"How did you get through it?"  
"We're still working our way through it. Touch is a big thing. It doesn't have to be grand gestures, but small touches should ease his nerves. Have you talked to Krolia about staying?"  
"She knows. I sent her the film from the mission... she hasn't got back to me about it. We need to close that place down. It's a government prison, where they're supposed to be storing prisoners in status. They're chopping them to pieces. Lance... he recognised one of the people on there... He's not in a good mental state"  
"That's revolting... Send me through the data. We've been locked in negotiations with three planets in the sector we're in, meaning there's a backlog to be checked. We won't be able to move right away"  
He'd drop everything and come to pick them up, but wouldn't drop everything to go blow up a floating body farm... yep, that sounded just like Shiro  
"Patience yields focus"  
Shiro let out a soft laugh  
"That it does"  
"Mum has the files, I think she was going to send them through. I know I can't keep Lance out of this, but I think he needs to rest and take a step back. He's probably going to be mad if you make plans without us, but... I don't know what else to do. This... this a whole government covering up murder. They're using police and agents to bring them bodies. Then there's also some weird cult operating out here that's after the Lions..."  
"Keith. I'll look into it. Knowing you, you probably want to go back to Lance. You're exhausted and you need to rest before you do. Take a shower, have something to eat and rest"  
Huffing, Keith rolled his eyes  
"Yes, dad"  
"Good. Let me know if your status changes or anything happens. I'll talk to Veronica"  
"Better you than me... she's been blowing up Lance's comms"  
"I'm not surprised. I think she would have taken the Atlas after him by now if she had the choice. Her and Acxa have both been... difficult"  
"Acxa's there?"  
"She has been for a while now. I suppose with you stepping back, she'll be recalled to Daibazaal"  
His team was on the back burner. It wasn't like he was leaving then forever, but right now Lance came first  
"I didn't think about that. Can you... Lance and I aren't dating. Can you make sure they don't bring that up? He's... hesitant"  
"Keith, I can handle my crew. Now rest"  
"I will. I'll talk to you later Shiro"  
"You too, Keith. Call me if you need anything. If either of you needs anything. I'm only a call away"  
"I know. Say hi to the others for me"  
"I will"

Ending the call, Keith carefully placed Lance's communicator on the spare space beside him. He didn't like lying, or telling half-truths, but when the truth wasn't his to tell, all he could do was muddle through things the best he could. Burrowing down into Lance's bedding, all he wanted to do was get back up again and return to Lance's side. On the castle, they'd never let anyone wake alone, and now he felt as if he was breaking that promise to him. He still held the secret that his mother knew Lance had been raped, and with how much time has passed, he had no idea how to come clean about it...

*  
Feeling like cotton wool had been stuffed down his throat, and in his head, Lance blinked up at the roof the Telula's medbay with no memory of how he'd gotten there. Despite the space being a safe place to him, the fact he was clearly missing time caused him to start panicking. Was everyone else alright? Had he snapped and lost it at someone? Hurt them? He... remembered landing... and Annla... but...  
"Lance?"  
A soft hand came to his cheek, Keith's face filling his vision  
"Hey. You had a bad reaction to your medication and collapsed. I cleaned you up, and Daehra hooked you up to an IV"  
Medication? His... oh...  
"How... long?"  
His tongue felt thick and heavy, his throat itchy  
"2 and a bit quintants. You scared the quiznak out of me"  
"'m sorry..."  
"No. It's ok. We told the others you picked a space bug from bad food"  
"We?"  
"Daehra and I. I'm so relieved to see you awake"

Lance's chest tightened in guilt. He'd taken more of his medication in an attempt to remain strong, but with the way Keith was looking at him so softly, he was wavering all over again  
"'m sorry"  
Coughing, he wrinkled his nose at the taste it brought  
"Take it easy. You had a seizure. Let me get you some water"  
A seizure? It'd been a while since that had happened... Disappearing, Keith returned a few ticks later with a water pouch, adjusting and holding the straw for him, Lance drank deeply  
"Slow down. You're probably feeling flat right now"  
Pulling back, Lance groaned. Flat was an understatement. Settling the water pouch somewhere, Keith took his hand in his  
"You really scared me"  
"Didn't mean to..."  
What was Keith still doing here? He didn't get it. If 2 quintants had passed, then he'd had plenty of time to leave  
"I know. I should tell you, I had to bath you. I know you don't like being touched, but I want you to know no else did..."  
Lance's heart fell further. If Keith had bathed him, he'd seen him completely naked. He'd seen everything  
"Hey, it's alright. Even I'm not going to feel up an unconscious man, no matter how hot he is"  
"Don't say it like that"  
Time loss and being stripped naked had him wanting to scrub himself raw. It didn't matter that he trusted Keith. No one had ever said anxieties were reasonable  
"Sorry. I'm just trying to say, no one else touched you. Other than Daehra to set up the IV. Daehra has been handling the aide shipment. I called your mum too..."

"You called my family?"  
What? Why the hell would Keith do that?! What had he told him?! He had no right... Lance's tone was snappish, Keith nodding like the stupid mulleted angel he was  
"To tell them we'd been on a covert mission so you hadn't been able to call. That we are safe, and that you're fine. You had dozens of missed calls on your communicator"  
"You were using my communicator?"  
"I couldn't find mine. I was checking in with Shiro, so he didn't freak out and send the Atlas. He says "hello""  
Keith staying here, covering for him, and now lying for him... he didn't understand why Keith would go this far after he'd fucked up  
"Why... why would you do all this?"  
"Because you're my best friend, you idiot. I've got your back. Plus, I know you were snoring your head off in here, and could exactly do it yourself"  
Still annoyed, he was even more annoyed that his annoyance at Keith was fading. Pouting, he tried not to seem too forgiving  
"I don't snore"  
"We both know you do. You're better than Kosmo though, he lets out the worst farts in his sleep"  
Yipping at them, Lance agreed with Kosmo  
"Don't insult Kosmo. He's the best boy in the universe"  
"Tell that to him when he stinks out a whole ship"  
"You're not supposed to talk about it. It's like having your parents tell everyone your embarrassing stories"  
"He's practically your wolf too. He didn't even want to leave for food"  
Kosmo wasn't his. He was Keith's, but Lance loved him like crazy. He'd been jealous as hell when Keith had come back with him  
"Naw... Poor Kosmo. I'm sure Annla has some treats for him. She's been excited about meeting him. They don't have a lot of animals around here anymore. She couldn't even comprehend what a wolf was"  
"I realised as much. You're good with children"  
"Kids are easy, there were always kids around the farm. They don't expect you to be someone you're not. They haven't seen the shit we have... Plus, Annla is a good kid"  
"I've never been good with kids. They usually run away when they see my face"  
Lance doubted it happened as often as the half-Galran implied. Keith was gentle and ridiculously attractive. Sure, he used to scowl at anything that moved, but time was the real wonder drug. Keith's sullen temper had cooled, his baby fat falling away to reveal sharp lines Lance would kill for  
"Because you used to be scary Keith, all glarey and no cuddly. Now you're like grizzly, chiselled Keith"  
"I don't think it changes things"  
"God. You're frustrating. You know you're good looking and you're like "nooo, I have no idea why the alien princess would like me". It makes me want to smack you over the back of the head"  
Keith had the manners to at least blush hard at Lance's words  
"You're the only one who thinks like that"  
"What, the only one who would hit you? If you ask Lucteal, I'm sure he'd take a swing"  
"No. You're the only one who's called me pretty, and good looking..."  
Keith's blush grew, Lance finding it stupidly sweet, though his own cheeks reddened at Keith pointing this out. Glancing down, Lance staring at his lap instead of Keith's perfect face  
"Well... I'm stating the facts. Speaking of pretty, I'm pretty done with this bed. When can I get up?"

Laughing, Keith shook his head at him. Why did every little thing have Lance's heart beating like it had no idea what a normal rhythm was  
"Only you could change topic like that. You're stuck there until Daehra says you're ok to get up"  
"I'm fine"  
"You're not fine. You nearly died"  
Minor details. He didn't, so there was no need to be stuck in bed  
"You're overreacting"  
Catching a whiff of something sharp? grating? He wasn't quite sure but his body tensed at the smell, stalling as he started moving to escape the bed  
"You're under-reacting. If I hadn't stuck my fingers in your mouth, you would have choked to death on your own vomit. I know you're having issues with wanting to live, but don't you dare think that I won't drag your arse back every time. That wasn't ok. You're not allowed to up and die on me. Just like I'm not allowed to go and die on you"  
"Keith..."  
What was he supposed to say to that? No one could promise they wouldn't die. It was impossible... After all, Allura had been through, he'd conceived in his wildest dreams that she'd give her life for the universe  
"I'm serious. I can't lose you, Lance. And I'm not going anywhere. If your stupid arse gets killed, I'm going right after you"  
"Don't talk like that..."  
He wasn't worth it. The universe needed Keith. Lance still believed he was the future. His humanitarian work had done so much to improve the Galra image. Keith was everything he wasn't. A cool, collected leader who was smart enough not to let his life be fucked up thanks to a good ego stroking  
"Then don't do stupid things. I have no idea how to make you understand I'm not leaving your stubborn arse"  
Keith was going to send his heart into failure if he kept this up. He couldn't take the heaviness or sincerity of the man's words  
"Fine. Message received. You can go find Daehra now. I'm sure she's just going to say I'm fine anyway"  
"Lance..."  
"I get it, Keith. You're not leaving right away. I want to get up and shower, my skin feels gross, plus missing time and waking up naked..."  
"I didn't think about it like that. I'll find Daehra, but please stay in bed until she gets here"

Waving Keith off, Lance stayed in bed as he was told. Not for Keith's sake though... not at all. He simply couldn't be bothered wrapping a sheet around himself and then darting through ship back to his quarters. He also wasn't attempting to escape because he couldn't. Keith wasn't playing fair. Everything he'd said had sent Lance's heart racing. He had far too many feelings for Keith... but no idea what to do... He couldn't forget what had happened. No matter what he did, it was always right there. The little voices in his head were fast to remind him how thoroughly worthless he was. How below Keith's league he was. All he wanted to do was go back to work now that he was awake. There were people out there who needed help, and the Telula needed repairs. He needed to see what was happening there. He didn't need to be stuck in the stupid medbay because of a small overdose. He wasn't dumb enough to accept that it was a bad reaction. He'd overdosed in an attempt to shut down the feelings he couldn't cope with, and now Daehra and Keith would be watching his every move because of his fuck up. Growling at himself, he smacked his head back against the back of the bed. It was all another fuck up to add to the list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guy's I want to take a moment to sincerely thank all of you. I know the fandom's kind of dead, so I'm grateful each and every comment, hit and kudos. Thank you <3


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh noes! I only have one full written chapter after this one... and the start of the next...

Cleared to leave the medbay, Lance hadn't stopped since. Every time Keith turned around, Lance was off doing something else again. He felt like a parent who's toddler had too much speed, and knew that tying their child up would only lead to questions and deep judging stares. Sometimes all it took was a tick for Lance to vanish. He'd turn around for a single tick, then look back to find Lance gone as if he'd been teleported away by Kosmo. Keith's heart wasn't sure it could take it. The half-Galra was also at a loss as to what Lance was doing with all his time. The Telula was down for repairs for at least two movements, and there was absolutely no way he was letting Lance use Daehra's pod to run missions. He'd rather be stuck in the house they were using listening to Zak improve his A.I's intelligence by singing to it. He'd never heard Zak sing, but listening to him read the same damn thing to his computer in the most monotonous of voices... It'd made him question all choices that had led him to the moment.

Having lost Lance again, Keith closed his eyes and counted to ten, opening them slowly as he let out a sigh. Blinking to adjust his eyes to the bright light overhead, he jumped when he realised the object of his affection was standing right in front of him  
"What the quiznak, Lance? Where did you go?!"  
Smiling like he wasn't arsehole, Lance rocked back on his heels  
"I had to help with the party. Now that I've "recovered", the Queen is holding her first royal ball since the Galra were defeated. Remember?"  
Groaning Keith was tempted to close his eyes and open them to a different Lance. Daehra had mentioned Annla had stolen Lucteal to help with her party. He didn't realise Lance was involved, and now that he knew, it all made sense. Lance used to be a social butterfly, not so much now, but he'd be involved because he liked Annla  
"Keith! How could you forget? We're the guests of honour. You're the guest of honour"  
"That's exactly why I forgot"  
Mumbling the comment, Lance smacked upside the back of his head. The look on his face told Keith he'd heard every word  
"I don't see why I have to go. She barely knows me"  
"You have to go so I don't lose my temper or lose control. Think of it as a favour to Daehra"  
"Why are you going to lose your temper?"

Taking Keith by the arm, Lance pulled him over to the wall closest to the passage the were in  
"Annla was sold by her father to the men who... She was supposed to go through what I did. I don't care if he's the king of this planet, every time I think about what he did, I want to slit his throat. So you're there to make sure I don't"  
Keith vaguely remembered Lance mentioning something like that. But it'd been a long few quintants, even longer now that they staying off the Telula and in the house, he'd bathed Lance in. Daehra ensured them they were safe below grounds, yet Keith couldn't get used to it. The whole city had been carved into a cave system where every street looked the same. That fact may have slightly contributed to how often he kept losing Lance... that and his sense of direction below ground... He'd never admit how often he'd found himself directionally misplaced  
"Look, we don't have to go"  
"We do have to go. It's only one night, then it's over. We can concentrate on getting the Telula off ground. There are people out there requesting help and aide, we've had messages come through, and there's only so much work I can redirect to the rest of the team. You know Zak and Tobias aren't people, people... aliens. And now we're a hunter short because Lasandi decided to find his happily ever after with that girl he met on his last mission. I don't even know how he ended up there, but instead of hunting her he's marrying her. So tonight, we smile, we ignore the overwhelming urge to stab people and we accept their hospitality"  
Scolding him like a mother would a child, Keith found himself smiling despite his dislike of parties. As for Tobias, he'd seen even less of him than he had Zak, and Lasandi... he wasn't even sure if he'd met him. Honestly, Lance had been his sole focus. Only Daehra had taken the time to get to know him, leaving Lucteal to attempt to chase him off. That meant there were like... three? crewmembers he'd forgotten existed, plus that other bounty hunter that he couldn't remember the name of. Quiznak only knew if she was coming back... Fuck. He was even worse at this than he'd thought. In order to work as a team, some level of trust was required. He'd totally decided he was staying by Lance's side without thinking about his team or the fact that so many of them seemed to be too busy to socialise or were simply moving on... if Daehra and Lucteal decided to stay on their home planet, Lance would fall apart because his whole team would fail to exist anymore. He didn't want to let Lance down, not that he was beginning to realise how much he'd slipped by, by being obsessed with Lance. No wonder Lance thought everyone left him...  
"Alright. For you"  
Lance coughed, Keith enjoying throwing him off-kilter so easily  
"Thank you. Plus, there's going to be drinks so if it's too terrible we can get drunk and forget the whole thing"  
That sounded like a terrible plan. He didn't want a repeat of Lance seizing in front of him, especially when he didn't know about combining the drugs he was using with alcohol. Lance had promised he'd cut back, but when he was medicating himself, Keith had no idea if that was true or not. Whatever happened that night, he'd have to keep his wits about him. 

*  
Forced into the bathroom, Keith emerged scrubbed from head to toe as he dragged his feet. Being an official occasion clothing had been provided for both of them. Lance's clothes consisted of a red loose tunic styled shirt with a braided golden belt, accompanied by a pair of tight black pants. The garb didn't exactly match his boots, but those pants made Lance's arse look glorious. Not that Keith would mention so. His own clothes were exactly the same, except his shirt was black. The pair of them being ex-Paladins was still novel for the planet. Lance had tried his hardest to smile when Daehra had presented them with their clothes, yet Keith could see right through his expression. The red of the shirt much like the red of the blood all over that room in the outpost. He'd offered to swap, only for Lance to wave him off.

Finally dressed, Keith marched over to where Lance was sitting, crouching down in front of him in order to remove the blades he was sliding down the sides of them  
"If I can't carry my blade, you can't carry yours"  
"Don't touch them!"  
Snapping hard, Keith pulled his hand back  
"Lance?"  
Placing both hands on Lance's knees, Lance drew a shaky breath  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap"  
"It's alright. I know you're nervous now that it's time to head to the party, but it's going to be ok"  
"I know nothing's going to happen, but I don't feel safe in big crowds. Anyone could be an enemy..."  
Keith knew that feeling all too well. Clear Day coming to mind embarrassingly. Lance deserved happiness and a night of distraction  
"Then let's make a deal. One blade. I'll carry the other. That way if something does go down, we're both prepared"  
"I..."  
Lance started to object, Keith releasing his right knee in order to fish the knife out of Lance's right boot  
"One blade. I'll be with you, so I'll be there to have your back"  
"You make me sound so pathetic"  
"You're not pathetic. Now, where has all that enthusiasm over partying gone? Free drinks? Alien princesses..."  
"I don't want an alien princess... An alien prince is bad enough"  
Opting to take the comment as "Lance wants to be with him" rather than "Keith is a giant pain in the quiznak", Keith quickly kissed Lance's forehead before he could object. Lance spluttering as Keith rose to stand, slipping the blade up his sleeve so he could offer his hand to Lance  
"Let's get this done"

Leaving Kosmo behind, Keith paused to slip the confiscated knife into his boot before leading Lance into the underground ballroom. Lit by a mix of generator-powered lights and weird fluid-filled lanterns, the basic colours of the various decorations and evening wear to take on a greyscale like the grey of the stone it'd been carved out of. Feeling Lance tense, Keith leaned in to whisper  
"Are you alright?"  
"Yeah... I don't like grey rooms... so many shadows... plus, everyone in the space can feel what we feel... I'm fine, Mullet"  
It'd been years. How much longer was he going to be teased for sporting a mullet... which it totally wasn't. If anything Keith should be the one teasing Lance over being a lanky goofball, because at least that was true  
"It'll be ok. If it gets too much, we can leave early"  
"I know. God. I need a drink"  
"Let's find Annla first. Is Lucteal going to be here?"  
Jerking his chin towards the dance area, Lance shifted closer to him as he whispered  
"He's here somewhere already. The king's sons have to meet and greet. I don't know why though, they all live together and know each other as it is..."  
"You know, you're sounding far too much like me"  
"Shoot me now"  
"Don't make me get those finger guns out"  
Nudging him with his elbow, Lance relaxed  
"Thanks. I can't believe how nervous I am"  
"Yeah, being nervous and moody at parties is my job. Do you think the food's any good?"  
"Maybe? It should mostly be from the aid supplies we delivered"  
"Then it should be edible. Food first, then we'll find you that drink"  
Snorting at him, Lance pulled away  
"You're making this sound like a mission. Does your brain ever turn off?"  
"Probably. And probably as often as yours"  
"Oh! Sick burn. I'm going to need some water for that"  
Crossing his arms, Keith pursed his lip. He wasn't falling into the trap of insulting Lance back. Not until he understood his triggers better  
"Whatever. I'm going to get something to eat. It's up to you if you follow me or not"  
Taking two steps away from Lance, Lance launched himself back to his side, taking Keith by the arm  
"Fine. You win. Just don't... vanish on me"  
"Trust me, I'm not going anywhere"

Finding Daehra near the buffet, the woman was preparing food for both of them as they approached. Dressed in a flowing white dress with a turquoise belt around her waist, she looked completely different from her usual "uniform" she wore upon the Telula. He'd never thought she was pretty in that way before, but she had her own charms as she smiled at the pair of them  
"I was wondering if I was going to need to send Lucteal down to find you two"  
"Come on, Dae. You know it takes time to make all this look good. And Keith is a total bathroom hog"  
Wrinkling her brow, Daehra looked confused  
"A hog?"  
"It's like this ugly pig from Earth"  
"Keith is rather attractive. You think so yourself. Why would you call him this "hog"?"  
Lance blushed deeply, taking a plate of food from Daehra as he tried to ignore both her and Keith. At least he now knew Lance had told other people they thought he was attractive  
"It's an Earth thing. And if anything, Lance is the bathroom hog. You should have seen him back on the castle. He was late for almost every morning meeting because he needed his "beauty sleep", or was in the middle of a face mask"  
Daehra pulled a face at "face mask"  
"Leandro once gave face mask. I do not understand them"  
"Dae, it makes your skin feel amazing. You said you didn't mind"  
Daehra shrugged, handing Keith the second plate of food in her hold  
"I can't believe this. You're both betraying me. Fine. See if I ever offer to do face masks with either of you again"  
Sounding pouty, Lance seemed actually hurt as he took a step backwards. Great going. He was trying to make Lance relax, not feed his anxieties more  
"It's alright, Lance. I'm sure Coran would be up for face masks"  
"Keith, he literally tried eating the cream for it the first time we did them! I learned then that he'd never appreciate face masks"  
Keith got that Lance was on edge, but he was sorely tempted to snap back at him. It wasn't his fault he wasn't into face masks, and at least he was making an effort to lighten the mood. Sighing at both of them, Daehra gestured to the buffet  
"Please eat and drink as you will. The king's speech will come later, first we dance. Our Queen is also most eager to meet you. Now, I must return to work. Please try not to fight, we all feel it when you do"

Leaving them together, Keith scratched the back of his head with his right hand  
"I think we just got told off"  
"So do I. I shouldn't have snapped. The truth is, I haven't spoken to Coran for months. Even before Allura day, it was kind of strained... we were both grieving for Allura in different ways, and he'd just got Altea back. I didn't want to bring him down"  
Moving away from the table and towards the edge of the wall so they were out the way, Keith's mind was ticking over  
"Wait. You haven't talked to him about Allura's powers, have you?"  
"Only the initial tests you were all there for"  
Which concluded Lance was Lance, with traces of Allura's quintessence lingering in his cheeks. The levels slowly dropping away as the quintants passed  
"But wouldn't he know whatever was going on with your body? You said she didn't bring you back right, wouldn't Coran be the best to ask?"  
"You know how he'd get if he knew I died. Besides, what am I supposed to say? "Hey Coran, I know I'm little late to the party, but I don't know if I'm in my own body, and if I am, what the quiznak did Allura do to me?". Yeah. No. That's only going to upset him. I can... cope"  
"You're not coping. You're barely living. Look, if it's about seeing him, I'll go with you. We can both talk to him"  
"Keith. No. Ok. I don't want to talk about this here. I don't want to talk about it all"  
"Lance..."  
"Keith, please. I am begging you not to do this here. I know it ate Shiro up to find he'd been cloned. I don't want you suffering"  
"My suffering is fine. I already looked at the medical texts I could get hold of when Allura started feeling ill. I couldn't help her, and I can't change this stupid body"  
"Your body isn't stupid"  
"Fine. I can't fix the mess that my body is. Ok. There. Are you happy, something else you can add to the "Lance is fucked up pile". I need a drink"

Shoving his plate of food at him, Lance forgot all about his anxieties as he stalked away from Keith. Watching him go, Keith resisted the urge to simply rush after Lance and apologise. Maybe the timing wasn't right, but he was sick of it never being right. Lance said he wanted to get better and to do better, but it felt like things were slipping away. Like the time they'd spent alone together was now resulting in fights because Lance insisted on working himself until he dropped. Unsure what to do with himself and his two plates of food, Keith wondered if it was rude to dump the contents on the weird rocky plants poking out of carved recesses where the wall met the floor. Deciding it was, he'd made his mind to place the plate on the buffet table, and hope someone took it when Zak and Lucteal walked over to him. Tucked under Lucteal's arm, Zak's laptop reminded him much of Pidge he temporarily forgot she wasn't actually there  
"What did you do to Lance?"  
"Hello, Lucteal. Zak. I did nothing to Lance. He said he needed a drink and left"  
"He's in pain. I can feel it"  
"Lucteal, he's working on stuff. He needs space and time. I know you think I'm the enemy here, but I'm not. If I could have been there to save him from what he went through, I would have done in a tick. He never once even hinted at anything being wrong. So I know you hate my guts because you have a crush on Lance, but he says he isn't ready to date and you need to accept this. I don't want to hate you. The whole team means the absolute world to Lance. Now, are you going to have another go at me, or are you going to stand here and be civil"  
Pulling the laptop out from under his arm, Lucteal pushed it at him. Zak quick to leap to the rescue of the device as Lucteal growled  
"We were good before you came. He was good. You hurt him. I will go to him"  
Caught between the two of them, Zak looked like a scared field mouse. Keith wasn't Lance's keeper. He couldn't tell Lucteal to stay away from Lance. That was something Lance and the "Dick Head formerly known as Lucteal" had to sort out for themselves. With Zak now his only companion, Keith held his plate of food out towards the alien  
"Here. Eat this"  
Taking the plate, Zak looked as enthused over the food as Keith was. The pair left to stand there like socially awkward rejects as neither of them made to move or knew what to say.

It was half a varga before Keith saw Lance again. Having passed his plate to Zak, the violet haired alien had placed both of them on the buffet before scuttling off with his laptop back to the Telula. Still standing in the same spot, he was in the perfect place to watch as Annla dragged Lance towards the dance area. The little princess clearly in control as the background music grew louder and people started to whisper about the pair. Reaching the centre of the space, Lance bowed down to Annla who let him take both her hands as she stepped up onto his feet. Curious as to what was coming next, all eyes were on the pair as Lance started to waltz, Annla giggling as he spun and stepped effortlessly. The sight was adorable, like a father teaching his daughter to dance, leading to Keith being slightly jealous he wasn't the one over there dancing with Lance. Confused by the strange dance, no one joined them. The song coming to end without injury. Stepping off his feet, Lance bowed as Annla curtsied. Another thing that seemed to confuse her people. Annoyed with himself for not moving or clapping with the others, as Keith found his feet Lucteal found Lance. Lance way too ok with dancing with Lucteal. Lance didn't even like being touched, and yet he was right there with Lucteal's hand in his and the Dick Head's other hand on Lance's hip where it had no place being. Taking it slowly, Lance talked Lucteal through the steps as Daehra, and a woman who could only have been her sister, started dancing with Annla. With the three sisters dancing, more of their kind moved to do the same. Keith's irritation only growing as he watched them all smiling and laughing. He wanted to be there next to Lance. He wanted to be dancing with Lance and making him smile just for him.

*  
Lance didn't want to dance with Lucteal. Not when Keith thought he was still mad at him, and not when he could feel his own emotions simmering far too close to the surface. Having sought him out after he'd left Keith's side, Lance had cursed his stupid stubbornness when Lucteal had cornered him near the doorway to the room. He was tempted to leave the party, but Keith was going out of his comfort zone for Lance's sake. He'd taken his second blade and promised to stay by his side, only for Lance to be the one to walk away. Having downed two or three glasses of whatever was being served as alcohol, as fast as he could, he knew he really needed to suck it up, but the buzz of whatever was in the alcohol was serving to worsen his temper.

Forced to listen to Lucteal almost slander Keith, Lance had been grateful when Annla came running over to him. Taking her hand in his, the tiny Princess scolded her older brother for upsetting Lance, ordering him back to his post. Being sent packing, Lance wished he had the words to make Lucteal understand that he wasn't looking for a relationship. He wasn't looking to be touched, or for more... it was just that things were different with Keith. Keith didn't pursue him like that. He was soft and gentle, reassuring without relying on badmouthing Lucteal or underhanded tactics. It had to hurt for Lucteal to see them together, for Keith to be the one Lance finally let his guard down for. But he'd thought Lucteal had finally taken the message the last time they'd spoken about the matter. He couldn't love Lucteal like that. There was no special spark. No burning desire. He valued him as a close friend and trusted team member, yet there was just nothing there for him. Staring up at him with her black eyes, Annla wore a strange look on her face  
"Adults are complicated"  
"That we are. I'm sorry you had to see and feel all that. I've talked to him before about his feelings, yet we keep having the same conversation"  
"He knows you cannot love him. He simply wishes to be with you nonetheless. He was most scared when you fell ill. He prayed to the gods for your recovery"  
Annla's words stung, her small shoulders slumping response to the unexpected pain. He hadn't been ill. He was simply his own worst enemy, especially when it came to admitting that he was anything but Leandro to his team. They didn't want Lance, but Leandro who could lead them in battle and through every situation. The leader who was proud of his team, and placed their accomplishments before his own advancement. He'd been awful leader, especially when forced to burden his team with relief missions because of the damage to the Telula. 

Seeing the princess so sad, he loathed everything he was forcing her to feel. Annla was too small, too full of life, to be tainted by his negativity  
"I know. He's an amazing friend to me. Now, would you like to dance with me, my lady?"  
Annla's face lit up, before falling  
"I do not know your dancing"  
"That doesn't matter. Do you think you can keep your balance if you stand on my feet?"  
"On your feet?"  
"Yep. It's an Earth custom. We danced like this at my home. When I was young, I'd stand on my mother's feet as we danced. Once we grew bigger, our cousins, nieces and nephews stand on ours until they learn the steps"  
Annla drew her brow, her lips turned down  
"That sounds like a silly custom. Why stand on someone's feet?"  
Snorting, Lance nodded. It probably seemed incredibly alien to the alien princess  
"It probably is, but what if I told you we could dance like the princesses we used to have back on Earth? A waltz is one of the finest dances one can partake in"  
"Like a princess?"  
That got her attention. Nodding again, Lance gestured to the dance area with a half bow  
"May I have this dance?"  
"I want to see this princess dance"  
"Alright, I'll have you know I'm not bad at dancing"  
"I don't know. I have not seen you yet"

Dancing with Annla had been fun. Her eyes sparkled as he led her around the floor, throwing in a few spins for her benefit. He'd almost been sad when it came to end, but Daehra was already making her way over and then Lucteal came out of nowhere, apologising and asking to dance. Not wanting to ruin the mood, he danced with Lucteal, forcing himself not to stare back at the questioning eyes upon them. The feel of the man skin against his, his hand on his hip, the way he moved so they were far too close. He couldn't. They were so close to the end of the song, but he couldn't do it. Nausea pooled in the base of his stomach, more due to the phantom feelings Lucteal's presence was starting to stir. He could feel the heat of Klearo's breath against his ear as Lucteal exhaled. The two mixing and swirling without permission. Breaking the dance, his eyes prickled with tears as his chest tightened. The fake smile on his lips sliding as forced himself to bow, before fleeing from the royal ballroom.

Clawing at the hem rubbing against his throat, Lance felt as if he couldn't breathe. The looming grey walls surrounding him seemed to grow ever closer as he lost his way in them. Panicked and scared, his hands moved from his throat into a self hug, his steps growing more and more unsteady until he was grabbed him behind. Screaming he lashed out, smacking his head against his would-be attackers face as hard as he could, before twisting his way out of the hold and ducking low to grab the knife out his boot. Bringing the blade up, his eyes widened at Keith. Blood dribbling down as he pinched his bleeding nose  
"Shit, Lance!"  
Releasing he'd been about to gut his best friend, the knife fell from his hold as he staggered back  
"I... I'm sorry... Oh god, what have I done..."  
Backing away, Lance wanted to flee. He couldn't breathe, and now he'd hurt Keith. The one thing he'd been terrified of happening since Keith had come back into his life  
"Lance... it's ok. It was my fault for grabbing you so suddenly. I tried calling out to you, but you didn't seem to hear me"  
He hadn't heard Keith at all  
"I'm sorry..."  
Reaching out his free hand, Lance shrank away from it. His fear leaving him curling in on himself as he fell to his knees  
"Lance..."  
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."  
"Hey... you're ok. I know you didn't mean it"  
Lance's poor addled brain wasn't able to focus. His chest felt tighter by the tick, tears starting to flow down his cheeks as he panicked further.

"Lance, it's ok. You're ok"  
Whimpering as Keith knelt down in front of him, he raised his hands to protect himself from the blow that never came. Instead of hitting him, Keith's arms came to wrap around him, his friend pulling him into a tight hug. The millions of invisible tingles across his face and lips lessening as Keith's scent soothed his soul. The way he whispered the words so close to his ear felt so different from when anyone else did the same  
"I've got you. Shhhh, you're ok now. It's just me. It's Keith. Shhh... I've got you... you're ok"  
Letting out a hiccuped sob, Keith relaxed his hold. All Lance could smell was the coppery tang of blood in the air from where he'd hurt Keith  
"Lance, I know you can't control that fear, but I need you to breathe with me. You're going to pass out if you don't slow your breathing"

Unable to follow Keith's instructions, Lance took nearly a varga for the haze in his brain to settle enough that he could breathe. His chest heaving like he'd run a marathon, his whole body exhausted as he came back from his panic attack. Blinking through the tears to see a world of grey beyond Keith, he threw himself into the half-Galra's hold, his face buried against Keith's neck as Keith started to rub his back in soft circles  
"Are you back with me?"  
Nodding, he was too drained too much  
"Alright. That's good. So good. I'm going to pick you up now. I've got no idea where we are, and I think we should probably get out of such a public area"  
He didn't want anyone to see him like this. Not even Keith. This is why he'd avoided touch. He hated it. He hated how males left him, particularly on edge, even when he trusted them his body couldn't accept their touch. Not close like it'd been. Lucteal had spent so many nights talking with him, that he... he should have felt how uncomfortable Lance had been while they'd danced.

Carried however far Keith had made it, the room he opened his eyes in was much more appealing yellow. The sky outside was what he'd call a Vanilla white, while the room they were in was a close shade yet not the same. Setting him down on a rather solid wooden bench Keith sat next to him, gathering him close and rubbing his right shoulder as Lance tried to calm further. As his breathing evened out, he was nearly falling asleep from exertion when Keith's voice came out of nowhere, causing him to jump  
"You still awake?"  
"Yeah... I'm sorry..."  
"It was my fault for grabbing you. I acted without thinking"  
"I hurt you..."  
And he'd nearly done so much worse  
"You didn't mean to, and you hit my cheek more than my nose, so it's fine"  
"It's not fine. I had my blade, I was ready... ready to kill you..."  
Sniffling sadly, he wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and die  
"Because you were scared. I understand"  
"You shouldn't have to understand"  
"Lance, you're not the only one suffering from PTSD. Trust me, I understand. I... did the same thing to my mother once. I was having a nightmare and when I woke up, I was so disorientated that I tried to go her. So, yeah. I get it"  
"That doesn't make me feel any better"  
"I'm just trying to tell you that you're not alone. Can you tell me what triggered it? Was Lucteal?"  
Nodding, fresh guilt curled in his gut  
"It was him. I mean it was, but he didn't do anything wrong. It was my stupid anxiety, then... when he touched me... things started coming back. It was like I could feel Klearo on my skin. His breath against my ear as he tortured me... I'm so fucking stupid. I couldn't even enjoy one fucking party without freaking out like a fucking nut job"  
"Hey, no. You're not stupid"  
"Don't you ever get sick of telling me that? All I do is fucking cry... I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of being tired and angry"  
"You're doing better"  
"How!? How am I doing better?! I keep fucking falling apart, Keith. I take too many drugs because I can't handle all of this. I'm just so tired. I want to be back out there... out there made some kind of weird sense..."  
"It made sense because you didn't have to feel all these things, but you need to let yourself feel them. If you keep bottling it up, you're going to explode"  
"You don't understand"  
"Then tell me. I'm staying around, no matter what you think"  
"But I'm fucked up"  
Lance couldn't think of any other way to say it  
"A little. You're hurt, angry and confused. But you need to feel everything or you'll never be able to move past it. I know you're strong. I know you love working with your team, and that you love the work you do. And just because the Telula is down, doesn't mean you won't be able to continue when everything is repaired"  
"Should I? I don't even know anymore. I was so fucking angry when you showed up. So disgusted and scared you'd find the truth out. That you'd leave... because I'm dirty"  
"I'm not going to lie, it hurt. I know I dropped the ball as far as friendship went, but I never wanted to not be friends. God. I've been in love with your dopey Cuban arse for so long that I don't know how not to care for you"  
Giving a sniffled laugh, Lance could only conclude Keith was crazy  
"I... I had so many feelings for you before you left. That's why I was so mad that you kept missing everything to hang out with the Blades. I didn't know how to feel, because I liked Allura as well... and everyone thought I was always the stupid seventh wheel"  
"If anyone was the seventh wheel, it was the mice. They were only ever-handy when it came to fixing wires in the castle"  
"They were Allura's friends"  
"And that was about it"

Letting silence fall between them, Lance soaked in Keith's warmth. He was completely screwed and over his head. Too tired to stop himself and too hurt to remain cautious  
"If I said... that I still... that I was falling for you... what would come next?"  
"Then I'd ask you to be my boyfriend"  
"I don't know if I can do that... there's stuff you don't know..."  
"Then I'd ask you to be my boyfriend and we'd take things slowly like we have been"  
"Keith..."  
"I know you're confused, and still healing, but as I said, you need to let yourself feel"  
"Stop the drugs?"  
Keith kissed the top of Lance's head  
"Yeah. The red and blue pills. That yellow injection is a hugely addictive pain medication they only administer to ease people passing. It changes your DNA. It changes your quintessence. You're scared of your body, but those pills are only making whatever Allura did to it, even worse"  
Lance shook his head  
"No. They help. They stop it"  
"They stop it because they're destroying you. They're making these anxieties worse. We agreed to lessen them, but... they're going to kill you because you're body is being constantly poisoned"  
"You don't understand..."  
"Lance, I promise you. I'm not making this up. I had them scanned so I could understand"  
"My body... I can't even call it human anymore. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin"  
"Then we'll get help. Whatever it takes, we'll figure this out together"  
"How do I know you won't leave?"  
"Because you're my boyfriend, dummy"  
Lance gave a wet laugh  
"You didn't even ask"  
"I know you want to be with me, and when you're ready to label it, you'll let me know. I don't want to pressure or rush you"  
"You've put up with me like this for a fucking phoeb"  
"And I'll still be here even if it takes deca-phoebs. You're my best friend. I don't want to go back to how things were before. I fell in love with you when we were shitty brats, and now I want to fall in love with you all over again"  
"You're a total sap"  
"No. I'm still as awkward as hell, but being with you feels natural. Most of the time my words don't come properly, and I get frustrated, but I want to be better for you. You're not a mind reader. If I don't force myself to find those right words, then how am I supposed to make you understand?"  
"I don't know if I can understand... I think... something broke in my head... maybe a lot of things"  
Whispering the words sadly, his heart was overjoyed that Keith wanted to be boyfriends, while every other emotion was being a dick and ruining the moment of it all  
"Then we'll figure it out. Mr-Bad-Arse-Bounty-Hunter-Leandro"  
Shaking his head, Lance wasn't sure if he wanted to be a bounty hunter after seeing his captures hacked to pieces. His mind still couldn't banish the sight of all that blood  
"Leandro can't be a bounty hunter... not like that"  
"Then we'll find a new government, one with a stable and correct prison system"  
"Keith, there's no such thing... everyone thinks themselves more and correct, even as they destroy the world around them. I want to take them down, but I don't know what to do if we do. I want to keep helping... that's all I want to do"  
"Then we'll establish our own way of doing things"  
"We can't do that. Besides, I'm technically on the run as it is. I'll probably end up cut to pieces too"  
"You're not going to end up like that. I'm pretty sure we can do something about Erathus having a warrant out for your arrest. I'm a prince according to you"  
According to almost everyone except for Keith. It was simply how the Galra hierarchy worked. Krolia and Kolivan stood at the top of the Galra kingdom  
"You're a royal pain in my arse, you idiot"  
"They do say it's contagious"  
"Are you calling me an idiot"  
"The biggest quiznakking idiot in the universe, but you're my quiznakking idiot"  
"You're a dick"  
"I know. You've told me"  
"Good. Make sure you don't forget"  
"I won't. Do you feel like getting out of here?"  
"I can't be bothered moving"  
Laughing softly, Keith made his heart jump at the sound  
"Neither can I, if I'm honest. Reckon they'd notice if we sleep here for the night?"  
"We're supposed to be at the party"  
"We went. That's good enough. Are you warm enough in here?"  
He was plenty warm with Keith's arms holding him tight  
"Mmm, you're like a personal heater"  
"Consider it a special Lance privilege"  
"Can we go back to the Telula? I don't want to fall asleep in here... not knowing where we are"  
"Of course we can. I can't guarantee I can find our way back, so it might take a while"  
"How far did I run?"  
"More like how fast. Here, I'll piggyback you"  
"I can walk"  
"You're practically already asleep. No complaints"  
"I can do it"  
"I know you can, but you're exhausted. I want to do this"  
"Carry my pathetic arse around?"  
"Carry you, and your not so pathetic arse around for the rest of our lives"  
"Don't say that... I might have to hold it to you"  
"Then it's a promise"


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's baaaaaaaaack

With Lance on his back, Keith tried to find his way out of the labyrinth of tunnels, buildings and caves. His heart and head hurt from thinking way too much, and from his aching face. Lance had one hell of a thick skull, he was lucky that his unofficial boyfriend hadn't collided with his nose. His face still felt swollen as it was, which would probably lead to Lance feeling even worse all about what had happened. When he'd seen Lance striding towards the exit of the ballroom, it was clear that something was wrong, though he wasn't sure what. Lance had been dancing with Lucteal, then he was running. Lucteal hadn't done anything actually wrong as far as he hadn't kissed or groped at Lance, but still... something had happened and Keith had to know Lance was alright.

The moment he'd wrapped his arm around Lance's waist, Keith had known he'd fucked up. His love interest oozing the smell of bad citrus, and as he'd gone to release him, he'd been too slow. Temporarily knocked back by the blow to the face, he'd seen the glaring guilt in Lance's eyes as he'd pulled and aimed his blade for Keith's gut. The move fluid, almost beautiful to watch if not for the pain behind it. It was definitely not a move Lance had mastered as a Paladin. Which wasn't to say Lance couldn't fight hand to hand, he's simply always excelled with a firearm and seemed much more confident when aiming his blaster. What he must have been through to go straight for his blade even on a safe world... It taxed Keith's mind to keep up.

Hiking Lance up higher in his hold, Lance's cold nose rubbed at his neck as he mumbled softly in Spanish. Keith wished he knew more Spanish than the few words of insult Lance threw his way, especially when most of them had a long string of unknown words between them. It was a reminder of a world Keith wasn't part of. Pausing in his trekking for the second time in as many ticks, his ears picking up the sound of footsteps coming closer. Ducking back into the shadows falling across the street he was on, Keith's heart was starting to pound. Normally he wouldn't be so shaken by the sound of steps, but Lance wasn't in a good mental space, and his instincts were screaming at him to keep the sleeping Cuban safe from absolutely everyone.

Appearing with a lantern, Keith nearly laughed at his own fear as Daehra came closer. Stepping out the shadows, Daehra jumped as she finally realised he was right there. Feeling as sheepish as Daehra looked, Keith pushed down his flaring instincts further  
"You have no idea how relieved I am to see you"  
"As am I. You've both been gone for so long"  
"Lance fell asleep while we were talking, and all these caves begin to look the same"  
"You were lost"  
"Directionally misplaced"  
Laughing softly at his words, Daehra raised the lantern enough for Lance to groan in annoyance at the light. Lowering it, she nodded  
"Yes, he would be asleep. Is he alright?"  
"He will be. We talked. His anxieties went into overdrive and he kind of freaked out"  
"I felt fear from him. Lucteal was in tears, Annla was demanding we go right after both of you. She did not understand what was wrong"  
"Lance is going to love that. He was ashamed of what happened"  
"He does not need to be. Now that I have located you, would you like for me to show you back from the city?"  
"That would be great"

Falling into step with Daehra, she walked on Keith's right side to limit the amount of light Lance was exposed to with his face buried on the left side of Keith's neck  
"You pushed quite far into the city. Do you know where you ended up?"  
"Not really. It was some kind of... church or something"  
Daehra let out a small gasp  
"You pushed further than I thought. The church lays in the Royal Quarter. Commoners are not allowed there"  
Well oops. It wasn't exactly planned that they'd end up lost  
"We didn't touch anything. I mean, we sat on a bench so Lance could relax"  
"Do not worry yourself, I will not tell. I know he is not the kind to trespass on people's ways"  
"Thanks. I think he was too out of it to realise anyway, so I won't tell him"  
"If you would like, I can give you a proper tour. Though I feel you most probably only become lost again"  
Keith huffed with a frown  
"Is it that obvious?"  
"A little. Take no offence. We designed this place so outsiders would be lost in an attack"  
"That makes sense. I think after tonight, I might try taking Lance and Kosmo for a walk above ground tomorrow. He's always loved the feel of the sun"  
"He has mentioned Earth. The rain and the animals. It sounds very pretty"  
"I was never attached to Earth, like him. But it's green and blue. It doesn't rain fire. Things have changed since the Galra invaded, but it's... I feel differently about it now. Earth is where my dad was born, where I was born, and where Lance's whole family comes from. My adopted brother is from Earth, so is his fiancé, and our other friends. Sometimes Daibazaal gets repetitive with al the purple and grey there"  
"Is like Erathus?"  
"Yes and no. Erathus isn't as green and open. It's like the ancient movies from old"  
"Movies?"  
"Moving pictures"  
"Oh! I know of those. I would love to see your Earth"  
"I'm sure once things calm down, Lance would love to show you. I'm trying to talk him into letting me take him to Altea at the moment"  
"Altea? Wow... we never spoke of Altea. Leandro spoke with Annla about his time there"  
"Lance is really good with kids. Much better than anyone I know, except for maybe Shiro. He took me in when I was angry snot-nosed shit"  
"I cannot imagine that"  
"We used to fight all the time, then slowly we became friends through it all"  
"And now, more?"  
"Yeah. More"

Lance was tentative but Keith couldn't blame him. He'd said he was falling for him. Keith could understand why Lance was so hesitant, he wasn't born under a rock. Relationships tended to progress into more than hand-holding and light kisses, but now Lance was officially his in an unofficial capacity. Even if it was all Lance could do to right now, he was sure they'd slowly begin to move towards... that... when the time was right for both of them  
"I am happy for you both"  
"Thank you. We're keeping things slow while we work things out, so he's probably hit me if he knew I told you"  
"'m going to hit you if you keep talking while I'm trying to sleep"  
Mumbling against Keith's neck, Keith's cheeks warmed over being caught talking to Daehra  
"How long have you been awake?"  
"Long enough to know my head feels like crap"  
Hiking Lance up again, Lance huffed at him  
"Don't give me that. I could always drop you"  
"I wouldn't put it past you... where are we?"  
"Daehra came and got us"  
"Oh... Hi, Dae. I hope he hasn't been an arse"  
Giving Daehra a tiny one-handed wave, Lance nuzzled into Keith's neck as he did. It seemed more like his unofficial boyfriend wanted to avoid her than to talk to her  
"I thought I was a dick"  
"Dick. Arse. It's all below the belt"  
Groaning at Lance, Keith momentarily contemplated making good on his threat to drop him   
"Go back to sleep. We'll be out of the tunnels soon"  
"Ok... Goodnight, Dae. Sorry I ruined your party"   
Daehra shot Lance an affectionate look  
"Goodnight, Leandro. Please do not worry about the party. It is still continuing"  
Nodding at Daehra's words, Lance fell back to sleep without replying. His warm breath tickling Keith's skin as it evened back out  
"He's fallen back to sleep"  
"That is good. I have never seen him sleep so much as he does when with you"  
"I've never slept as well as I have been while sleeping next to him. For all he's been through, he still manages to amaze me"

 

Led out the tunnels by Daehra, it seemed like too much effort to walk back to the Telula. Daehra had to return to the party, leaving Keith alone with the sleeping Lance, who despite being far too light, seemed to be growing heavier by the tick. Casting a rueful glance towards the house that was sooo much closer than the ship and didn't have a ramp to struggle up, Keith forced himself to walk past its soft inviting glow from the lights inside. Lance had wanted to go back to the Telula, which meant they were going back to the Telula. The sleeping Cuban had no idea how many free passes Keith had been throwing his way, but tonight Lance had earned his right to choose the ship. He'd both finally said the name of the vile piece of shit who'd raped him out loud, without screaming or losing control as he did, and admitted he did, in fact, have feelings for Keith and was scared for the same reasons Keith was. Plus, he'd scared the hell out of himself when he realised he'd accidentally hurt Keith before pulling his blade on him.

The ramp was the beginning of the end for Keith's energy. They should have just slept in the church overnight and pled ignorance over it all come morning. Making it down to Lance's quarters, he cringed as dropped Lance on his bed, unable to quite judge the height of the mattress and the distance to Lance's arse. Holding the cringe as he lowered Lance's legs, he turned to find Lance half starfishing on the bed with a glare on his face. Quiznak, Lance wasn't impressed at all  
"You dropped me"  
"I misjudged the height"  
"You dropped me!"  
"I didn't mean to"  
"Keith, you still dropped me"  
"Sleeping princesses don't get to complain. Do you know how heavy your arse is?!"  
Worried he'd taken it a step too far by snapping out of exhaustion, Lance grinned at him and threw him for a loop  
"I'm sorry. Thank you for carrying me"  
With warm cheeks, Keith mumbled self consciously  
"You're welcome. If you lift your feet, I'll do your boots for you"  
"Leave them, come to bed instead I'm too tired to move"  
"That's why I said I'd do them for you"  
"Come to bed..."  
"Lance let me get your boots off, then I'll come to bed"

Whining at him, Lance reached for him with both arms. Keith finding himself immediately climbing into Lance's hold. He couldn't deny Lance when he was reaching for him openly. Pulling Lance over so they ended up laying face to face, Lance's blue eyes stared into his with his arm trapped under Keith's neck   
"I'm sorry about your cheek. It looks painful"  
"It's not too bad. I'm sorry for dropping you. I didn't mean to"  
"It's alright... it was a little jarring, but it's ok... I'm too tired to care"  
"You should go to sleep then"  
"Already ahead of you, I'm secretly still sleeping"  
"I wouldn't be surprised. You're a man of many talents"  
Snorting loudly, Lance ruined the soft mood built by the two of them whispering at each other  
"God. You're such a sap. I wonder what the others would say if they heard you"  
"They wouldn't believe it. I'm the broody one, remember"  
"I haven't forgotten. Can you stay tonight?"  
"Idiot. Who else's bed am I going to be sleeping in?"  
"Yours? With Kosmo?"  
"We both sleep better together. Let me do your boots. We really should change"  
"Tomorrow's the time for regrets... I want to go back to sleep now"  
"At least take your belt off"  
"I can't be bothered"  
"You're like a giant man-child aren't you"  
Bringing up his left hand, Lance flicked him in the middle of his forehead. Keith catching Lance's hand before he could flick him again   
"I represent that implication, Mullet"  
"It's not a mullet"  
"Mmm. You'll always be Mullet to me. Grumpy-Mr-Mullet"  
"Alright. You're not making sense anymore. I'm taking my boots off, so I'm taking yours off to. Get under the covers"  
"Fiiine. You're lucky you're cute"  
Blushing too hard to stay so close to Lance, Keith slowly climbed out of Lance's hold and off the bed. Taking Lance's left boot in his hand, Lance whined at him but a few ticks later, he was out all over again before Keith even had his laces undone.

 

 

*  
Waking before Keith, Lance stayed laying against his not-boyfriend boyfriend. With his chin resting on Keith's chest, Lance stared up at Keith's face half in shock that he was really right there. Sharing a bed had become a silently agreed-upon thing that should have been over once they'd landed, yet, Keith kept coming back to his bed. Lance growing used to Keith claiming his bed like it was on. Sure, it scattered his nerves in the few moments of waking and finding the warmth of solid body by his, but Keith had never overstepped. His arm remained looped around Lance's waist, never dipping lower, and if either of them were having nightmares, the other was right there for comfort. Watching Keith's long eyelashes flutter, Lance was jealous of their length, as was he jealousy of Keith's soft curved lips and the smile that played on them. Like he was smirking in his sleep over something Lance couldn't understand. He couldn't understand how Keith could possibly be happy with dating him how he was. How he could keep picking Lance up and keep supporting him like this? Being the baby of the family, he was always the one in the background. His siblings jealous of the moments his parent's spoiled him, while oblivious to the times he went without because he'd been forgotten. When they were on the castle he'd made it his personal mission to be there for them all so no one felt as crappy as he had. It was like Keith could see right through him, like he could reach in and pull those emotions out that he didn't want to acknowledge. He knew he wasn't coping, but he'd gotten up, out of bed, and gone to work. He'd put one foot in front of the other until he was walking again, kept going until he was running, but instead of running towards a new life he was running from the ghosts of his past. He'd been running so hard that he didn't think Keith could catch him, let alone ground him. He'd fallen hard for Allura, yet had fallen just as hard for Keith... and now... he'd loved and lost Allura. He couldn't survive loving and losing Keith. Not that he knew if he could survive a relationship with him. He didn't know if his friendship with Keith could survive the fall out of what was to come, especially with Keith wanting him to stop taking the pills. The way he'd softly begged him... He didn't want to keep showing Keith such a childish side of him. Such a weak and pathetic sight... Every time he reached out his hand, Keith had been there to take it, to catch him as he fell. So for Keith, he'd do better.

Carefully detangling himself from Keith's hold, Keith rolled to the spot Lance had vacated, a hand feeling for him. Not ready for Keith to wake, Lance stuffed his pillow against Keith's chest. Keith immediately wrapping his arm around it and burying his face into the fabric. Waiting a few extra moments to make sure the half-Galra wasn't about to catch him in the act, once he knew it was safe Lance made his move.

Raiding his room, the armoury, behind the panel in both other spare rooms close to his, the space beneath the bathroom sink, and the bathroom drawers, Lance collected every single pill and injection he could find. Including the ones they kept on hand for trading or for set-ups when undercover. There was far more than he thought on board. 4 full boxes of injections, plus a few others with different amounts ranging from only a couple of vials left to being half full. Bottle after bottle of pills... Seeing it all laid out, Lance gripped the counter of the bathroom vanity, drawing in a deep breath as he took a moment. How had he let it get this bad?... Right... He wanted his stupid heats to stop and his marks to go away. When he'd finally hit on a combination that did both, he didn't care about the risk or cost. Sure, his family might miss him, but he wasn't sure anyone else would... He knew Keith had cared, yet didn't know he still did. He'd thought that their phoebs apart would have snuffed out whatever "feelings" Keith had for him. He hadn't realised Keith had liked, or loved, for as long as he had. Looking up the pills staring at him, Lance shook his head. He needed to do this for Keith... He wasn't ready to forgive himself, or love himself, so he had to do this for Keith.

Separating out the blue pills from the rest which he'd placed safely into the bathroom cabinet out of sight, Lance's hands shook as he stood with the pile pooled in his hands over the toilet. All he had to do was drop them. So why was it so hard? He still had time to hide it all away. To pretend this hadn't happened... Keith wouldn't mind. Keith wouldn't blame him... only... For some unknown reason, tears welled in his eyes. Keith would mind. Keith would want to know and help him through this. He'd care. He always fucking cared. Parting the sides of his hands, the tablets poured from his hold, sending water splashing and clinging as they hit the metal bottom. Watching them, he shook his head in anger, lashing out and hitting flush. The moment the water swirled and swept away the tablets, Lance found himself plunging his hand into the toilet basin, trying to get them back as he let out a sob. His hand was only in the water for ticks, unable to find any traces of the tablets. The Cuban wrenching his hand out with a sob. He needed his pills. He couldn't be Leandro without his pills...

With a light knock on the door, Keith interrupted his pity party  
"Lance? You in there?"  
"Just a dobosh!"  
Scrambling up, Lance moved to the sink to scrub at his hands. He couldn't hide that he'd been crying. His eyes were too red and teary for that. Scrubbing hard, he scrubbed up both his arms, sniffling back his tears as he did  
"Lance, are you ok?"  
"Yeah! Had to pee and kicked my toe!"  
It was a weak lie. One he was sure Keith would see through once he walked out the bathroom  
"Hurry up then, I need to pee too"  
"Ok!"  
He wasn't finished washing his hands but was holding Keith up. 

Shutting the water off, Lance shook his hands off before opening the door for Keith. With impressive bed hair and his tunic shirt hitched up as he scratched at a spot at his side, Keith looked like sex on legs. Lance was barely able to keep from gawking  
"You've been crying"  
It wasn't a question but a statement, Lance nodding as he let the same lie slip off his tongue again   
"I kicked my toe"  
"You're crying from kicking your toe?"  
"When you're messed up in the head, even the smallest things can trigger tears. I thought I left you sleeping"  
"I was, until I woke up needing to pee"  
"Right! Sorry, sorry, I'll get out of your way"

Sliding past Keith, Keith grabbed Lance's arm as he cleared the doorway  
"Are you sure you're ok?"  
Pushing a smile to his lips, Lance nodded  
"Yeah. I'm fine, heading back to bed"  
"Back to bed? It's nearly lunchtime"  
Quiznak. When had it got so late?  
"Then I'm going back to my room to check my comms. Hurry up and go pee already"  
"I'm going already"  
"Good!"

Scurrying away from Keith and the bathroom, Lance mentally berated himself as he did. That had been awkward as hell. Keith knew he was lying, prodding carefully as he tried to get the truth out of him, while Lance was still feel revolted at himself for trying to fish the pills out of the toilet. He couldn't even remember what the blue pills from Erathus did... He hadn't really known, only that popping pills made him feel better which was the main thing and they were relatively cheap which was another big factor in the beginning. Reaching his room he made straight for his bed, climbing in and burying himself beneath the blankets. He'd check his comms and check in with his team members after he got a little more sleep.

 

 

*  
Deciding to shower given he was already in the bathroom, Keith forgot about the fact that he needed clothes to change into after the shower. Returning to his room rather than Lance's, Kosmo was laying rather proudly on the clothes of Keith's he'd pulled down from the tiny wardrobe and fashioned into a nest on the bed. It looked as if every bit of fabric had gone into Kosmo's hoard, leaving Keith both angry and apologetic. He'd neglected Kosmo the previous day, and slept with Lance the previous night. His poor wolf was probably feeling put out by the lack of attention. 

Walking over to his bed, Keith sat on the edge  
"Come here, Kosmo"  
Patting his lap, Kosmo dragged himself out the pile though that action was betrayed by his wagging tail   
"I know boy. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to neglect you. You don't deserve it. How about I get dressed, then we can get you some breakfast? I was going to take you and Lance both for a walk today. Maybe find a stick and play fetch?"  
Jumping at "fetch", Keith copped a smack to the chin from Kosmo's head in the wolf's enthusiasm. He'd healed up mostly overnight from Lance's blow, leaving a small about of bruising in the corner of his eye. Kosmo's head was just as hard, Keith biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to wrangle Kosmo down and prevent taking a paw to the dick  
"Ooof. Off you doofus. Go annoy Lance. I'm going to have to annoy him for clothes as it, thanks to you. All this needs to be washed!"  
Trying to scold Kosmo didn't work. Not when he felt bad for leaving his wolf alone for so long  
"Right. Come on, let's go. Lance's room first, then f-..."

 

Teleporting him mid-sentence, Keith wasn't sure who was more surprised. Keith because he was in his towel, or Lance because they'd teleported right on top of him. Letting out a startled squeak, Lance peaked his head up from under the blanket  
"What the Quiznak?!"  
"Sorry! I told Kosmo we were coming and he took it on himself to teleport us"  
"Kosmo!"  
Sliding off the bed, the towel caught on Kosmo's paw stripping Keith naked right in front of Lance. Blushing right to the tips of his ears, Lance pulled the blankets over his face while Keith snatched back the towel to restore some dignity  
"I'm so sorry! He's being a little shit..."  
"It's ok!"  
"Lance..."  
"It's ok! Just get dressed"  
"I need to borrow some clothes. Kosmo destroyed my room"  
Groaning under the blanket, Lance shoved at the bulk that was Kosmo   
"You're a menace!"

Yipping happily, Kosmo grabbed Lance's blanket in his mouth and teleported over behind Keith. Scrambling up, Lance's eyes landed on Keith again. Covering his eyes with both hands, Lance shook his head  
"Gargh! Guys! What are you doing to me?! It's too early for this"  
"I swear, none of this was planned"  
"I don't care. Please get dressed. You're too hot to look at"  
"So you think I'm hot?"  
"Yes! Now put some clothes on"  
"I don't know. You're a blushing mess right now, and you're adorable"  
Slumping back down, Lance rolled away from him  
"I'm not adorable. You're a dick. You're both dicks"  
Walking around to the side of the bed Lance was facing, Keith sat down next to his not-boyfriend. Pulling Lance's hands from his face, Lance kept his eyes scrunched closed. With how cute he was being, Keith couldn't help teasing him a little  
"Are you embarrassed to look at me?"  
"Yes!"  
"Because I'm a guy?"  
Opening his eyes, Lance frowned up at him   
"What? No... Why would that be a problem?"  
Keith could think of fair few reasons why that would be a problem but wasn't able to keep the slight laughing wobble from his tone   
"Then why won't you look at me?"  
Trying to hide his face in his pillow, Lance blushed even harder as he mumbled. The tips of his ears were literally red  
"Because you're too fucking hot. Look at you. All chiselled with those broad shoulders... it's like... not fair how hot you are"  
"I'm not that hot. Besides, I'd say you are the better-looking one"  
"Am not. That hair of yours... how is it so silky? You don't even use products"  
"You're the blushing mess. It's not like you haven't seen me naked before"  
"And did you think maybe I'm not up to seeing you so hot and naked like right now? There's clothes in the closet..."  
"Hey, no. I didn't think about that. I was thinking about how cute you looked trying not to look. I'll get dressed in a tick, but there's one thing I want to do first"  
"I don't think my heart could handle anything else"  
Leaning in, Keith kissed Lance on the cheek. Lance groaning as he rolled, burying his face completely in his pillow, arse in the air as he curled into a ball. Smiling to himself, Keith climbed off the bed  
"You handled that fine"  
"Nope. I'm dead. Please remember me how I used to be. Tell my family I loved them. Here lies Lance, killed by Keith's abs"  
"You can tell them yourself. Now get up and take a shower. I thought we could head out and spend some time in the sun. Kosmo needs a run"  
"I have to check my comms"  
"Which you can do outside, in the sun"  
"You don't even like the sun"  
"I don't mind it. We might as well make the most of it until the Telula is up again"  
"I miss my ship"  
"You're in your ship"  
"I miss her. She doesn't randomly land on people then strip naked for no reason"  
Laughing, Keith walked over to Lance's closet. Opening the door, he started flicking through Lance's clothes  
"That was Kosmo's fault!"  
"Yeah, yeah. Blame the wolf. If you want me to get up, you need to get dressed"  
"It's so hard to choose"  
"Because I don't have enough black?"  
"Something like that.."

Choosing jeans and white shirt, Keith grabbed the same thing out for Lance. Lance was going to relax and take a break, even if it killed him.

 

*  
Lance was puffed as he and Keith made it to the top of a sand dune that had seemed a hell of a lot smaller when they were at the bottom of it. Wiping his sweat-drenched forehead, he grinned at his best friend. Keith looked just as wrecked, the smile on his face just as wide as his hand took Lance's. Despite the lack of life above ground, the view was amazing. Purple-grey trees laid beyond them, dotted around what looked like a possible lake. With a wild look in his eyes, Lance tugged on Keith's hand  
"Lance... no"  
"Come on. You're the one who said we were spending the day outside"  
"And you're the one who insisted we race up the dune"  
Rolling his eyes, Lance tugged harder  
"Technically all I did was look at you. Kosmo can teleport us right over there"  
"You really want to head down there, don't you?"  
Lance nodded. He felt like he was hiding the fact he was melting in the sun rather well, especially when he was carrying the supplies in his backpack. Keith had offered to carry everything, but Lance wanted the distraction from both thinking of the tablets he'd flushed away, and the distraction of his mind reminding he'd seen Keith naked before him. He could still feel how hard he'd blushed, his arse growing wet at the sight... as his stomach rolled. Keith wasn't hard, there was nothing truly sexual about the encounter, yet... if they kept on the tangent they were on, sex was inevitable. His body was seemingly willing to openly accept Keith despite what they'd been through. Joking and playing it off the best he could, he hoped Keith had chalked it all down to simple embarrassment instead of a pushed down mental panic  
"Alright. Kosmo, you're up"

 

Taking a series of mini-teleports over to the pocket oasis, Lance was happy to throw himself down in the soft grey grass beneath an equally grey tree. Slinging off his backpack, he dug out three water pouches, splitting the first one open for Kosmo  
"There's water right there, isn't that why you wanted to come all the way over here?"  
Rolling his eyes at Keith, Lance held the pouch in his hand while Kosmo lapped deeply  
"We don't know if that water is safe to touch, let alone drink. And I am sooo not going to be responsible if anything happens to Kosmo"  
"Want me to check? I can scan it with my comms"  
"No, it's ok. This is... nice"  
Now that he'd sat, Lance didn't feel like moving. It was nice, like a little forgotten piece of the world where only the three of them existed. Sitting down beside him, Keith grabbed a water pouch  
"This is kind of nice. It beats the endless sand"  
"Right?! Who would have thought there was our own little oasis out here?"  
"Is it still an oasis if the water's bad?"  
Finishing the water pouch, Lance put it down then reached to scratch Kosmo's head. The wolf stretching out on the grass with a yawn  
"Of course it is. We should take photos"  
"You want to take photos?"  
Anxiety flared, Lance feeling stupid for asking as he looked past Kosmo to avoid Keith catching his eye  
"Not if you don't want to. It was stupid to ask"  
Nudging him with his elbow, Keith went on to rest his head on Lance's shoulder  
"It wasn't stupid. I was just surprised. Other than the oasis it's all sand and rocks"  
"There's you. There's Kosmo. Maybe I want to take photos of the two of you?"  
Lance knew it wasn't a date, it was Keith taking him away from everyone to distract him from his own thoughts. It was... there first time slipping away from everyone completely since they'd become a not-thing thing. He wanted to make memories of it before things went to quiznak   
"You want to take photos of me?"  
"And Kosmo. You make it sound like I'm some kind of a stalker"  
"Seeing I practically stalked my way back into your life, I give you permission to stalk away"  
Having been stalked as part of his job, Lance wasn't keen on stalking  
"I thought it might be nice to... maybe have some photos. Of us..."  
Keith sat up far too fast, Lance felt even more like an idiot  
"Oh! Like... us us"  
Really? How could Keith be so incredibly nice and caring, but be so quiznakking dense  
"No. You and this tree, you idiot. Why are you picking me on me?"  
"I'm not picking on you. I'm not great at talking"  
"We both know that's not true... if anything, I've been the one who's been lousy at talking"  
"You're doing better. Let's take those photos before you get distracted by your comms again"  
"You're... actually alright with it?"  
"Only because it's you"  
It was now that Lance finally became certain that Keith was going to have him blushing to death before the day was through.

 

Pulling funny faces as Lance took photos with the holopad, Keith had him in stitches as he impersonated all their friends. With their faces only centimetres away from each other, Lance grew more and more aware of how close Keith's lips were. The soft lips that kissed his cheeks, hair and forehead... yet respected that Lance didn't like things against his lips. Fumbling the holopad, Lance wanted to climb into a hole. The lined-up photo had been perfect. Keith looked like the emotionally constipated emo he'd used to be, and Lance had had a genuine smile on his lips. He hadn't realised his breathing had hitched until Keith's hand was taking his  
"Hey, you're alright. The holopad wasn't damaged"  
"It's... not that"  
"Then what is it? Did I do something?  
"No... no. It was me. I messed up"  
"You messed up what?"  
"I dropped the holopad"  
"You're upset because you dropped the holopad?"  
"It sounds stupid when you say it like that"  
"It's not stupid... maybe a little stupid. But it doesn't mean we can't take more photos"  
"I don't feel like it anymore. I'm sorry. It was a good photo too"  
"They'll be more opportunities to take more photos in the future"  
"That's not the point"  
Leaning back into him, Keith wrapped his arm around him and pressed a kiss to Lance's neck   
"Then tell me. I don't care if you think it's stupid. I want to know. I can't read your mind"  
"Are you sure about that? You seem to know more about what's going on with me than I do"  
"I'm sure. Those secrets are safe in your head until you're ready to tell me"  
God. Keith was perfect. Lance couldn't deal with it all. He had the full attention of the sweetest guy in the universe  
"Can you stop being so blindly perfect this morning? I'm going to be dead by lunch if you keep this up"  
Huffing at him, Keith wasn't making it easier   
"I'm not doing anything"  
"You are. You're being all Keith like"  
"I thought you liked me being "Keith like""  
"Ugh. You're frustrating me! You kiss and cuddle me like this and it makes me wish I could kiss you back!"  
"I didn't mean to make you feel forced"  
"I know you didn't. I know you wouldn't... I mean... I'm trying to know you wouldn't. But when you're being like this, I want to be able to reach out and kiss you"  
"Then do you want to tell me about what happened?"  
"No. Not really..."  
"You know I'm not going to judge you. I know they gagged you, does the pressure remind you of that? Of the fabric?"  
Lance shook his head   
"No. I'm... not ready. It sounds like a cop-out, but... I hate making you wait for a time I might even reach"  
"Lance, those bastards took so much from you. And none of this is fair. It's also not your fault. Ok? If my kissing you and holding you is too much, I'll back off. Whatever you're comfortable with is more than enough for me"  
"No... I mean... it throws me off, but you... it's not bad. I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that you're here. And that you're real"  
"Is it that unbelievable that I could love you?"  
"It is, after what happened"  
"You're overthinking things. Before you say it, I know you can't help it. Now, if we're not going to take photos what do you want to do?"  
Lance was up for anything that might mean dropping the subject of kissing Keith... even if he maybe wanted to try but was too scared of the possible outcome  
"Check my comms. I've got people out on missions and I want to make sure they're all ok"  
"Then I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up for lunch"  
"You mean afternoon tea. We had breakfast at lunchtime"  
"It's space, it doesn't count"  
"It does too count"  
"Then we're agreeing to disagree..."

Interrupted by a ringing comms, Lance grabbed his backpack and began pawing through everything until he found it was his black communicator ringing, peering over, Keith couldn't see in  
"Is it mine or yours?"  
"Mine. My personal one. Do you want yours while I'm here?"  
"You aren't going to answer?"  
"It's a message, which I'm going to answer once you tell me if I'm getting your comms out or not?"  
"Leave it. I'm not expecting a call"  
"Alright, but if your mum calls, you're explaining why you didn't answer"  
"It's fine. She's not that bad"  
"Riiiight. Her and Kolivan... that's the ultimate power couple right there"  
"Don't I know it"  
"Exactly why I wouldn't be missing their call. Kolivan's blank stare is a thing of nightmares"  
"His smile is even worse... it's like he doesn't quite know how"  
"Your mother's hot. He better be treating her right"  
"You think my mother's hot?"  
Crap... it'd slipped out...  
"Not as hot as her half-Galra son?"  
"That's better. Are you ever coming out of that backpack?"  
"I was thinking of staying in here. I can't accidentally call your mum hot if I'm lost in here"

Pulling the backpack away, Keith threw it down near their feet  
"I'd rather you not be lost in there. Who's the message from?"  
Right. Message. His communicator. That thing. Clumsily turning his communicator up the right way, Keith didn't comment so Lance told himself it didn't matter. Opening up the message, he drew his brow in confusion. The last thing he wanted to do was drag Keith off into something when Keith needed a break from dealing with him  
"It's from Hunk..."  
"Hunk? What does he want?"  
"I don't know, it's a video message"  
So much for settling his nerves by distracting himself with his communicator. He should have just ignored it  
"Do you want me to open it?"  
"I can work my own communicator!"  
Snapping at Keith, Lance took a deep breath   
"Sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting a message from him. We barely talk anymore, and I honestly don't even know how to reconnect anymore. I feel like... I'm the stupid one for missing our time on the castle"  
"I miss it too. I don't miss you being worried and taking care of everyone, but I do miss Black... After flying our lions, no other ship compares. Are you sure you don't want me to open it?"  
Keith was right about the ship thing. Lance missed Red's touch in the back of his mind so much he'd wondered if it'd ever been as soothing in real life as the memories of it seemed to be. When Red had left, he'd left Lance to take the full brunt of his emotions... which he hadn't been equipped to handle. In a way, Keith was like having Red back...  
"No, but you can stay like that and watch it with me"  
Nuzzling into him, Keith nodded  
"That I can do"  
Shaking slightly, Lance opened the message 

 

"Hey, Bud! It's been forever! Well, I suppose you're wondering why I'm calling. See, I'm planning on proposing to Shay, and wanted your advice but my last message about wanting to talk must have gotten lost. Ha ha ha. Shiro said you and Keith were out on a mission! He's good... Shiro I mean. He missed you. We all do. You're probably sneaking around with Keith right now, so don't... uh, worry about calling back... unless you want to. No pressure man. Say "Hi" to Keith if he's there. I'm sure I can figure out how to propose to Shay. I mean... is a ring in a cupcake too much? You know what, I'll ask Shiro, or Curtis. Curtis is good too... so... yeah... I'll see ya 'round, buddy"

Lance felt himself tearing up. He was so quiznakking happy for Hunk, but felt so incredibly shit that Hunk thought he wouldn't call back over something so important. He'd wanted to be Hunk's friend. He knew everyone thought him flaky, but he thought Hunk knew him better than that. He wasn't great, but he could be together enough to be there for Hunk  
"Lance?"  
"I'm a... terrible friend"  
"What? No"  
"You heard him. He thinks I don't care"  
"He knows you care"  
"Does he? He didn't even think I'd call back"  
"Call back now"  
Lance shook his head firmly  
"I can't do that"  
"You can. I'm here with you"  
"I'm crying"  
"Because you're happy for him"  
Lance was beginning to wonder if Keith had ever experienced anxiety, or if his anxieties decided to fuck him over in different ways. He felt sick. Like he'd missed the bottom step and been jolted out of place   
"I... don't know what to say. My marks aren't showing... what..."  
"Shhh. Hey. Breathe for me. You just need to breathe. I'll do the talking"  
"But my marks? I can't..."  
"Make-up. We're on a mission remember?"  
"A mission?"  
"That's right. This is a mission for Hunk's happiness. We're going to call him back"

Lance didn't want to be that friend. Or that person. He didn't want to be petty over the fact Hunk had been busy with Shay and work. He truly wanted to be happy, purely happy, so why did he have to feel so sick? Before things had gone to hell on the castle, Hunk had been his best friend. His friend he really thought he could tell anything too. Until he started teasing him over his feelings for Allura. Now that he thought about it, he wondered if Hunk had thought Allura agreed to go on a date with him as a practical joke... or as a rebound because she'd discovered how nice it was to have someone by your side. The thought of Hunk laughing fed his anxieties. If Hunk had laughed at him wanting to date Allura, didn't that mean he thought Lance was nothing more than a joke? Way out of her league? 

"Lance, it's going to be ok. The sooner we call back, the sooner that ball of anxiety will lessen"  
Snorting, Lance tried to deflect   
"How do you know I'm anxious?"  
"Because you're as in my lap as you can get without actually climbing into my lap?"  
"Sorry"  
Shuffling forward, he didn't get far. Keith wouldn't let him go  
"It's nice to know you trust me. So trust me with this, ok? If it gets too much, or you feel like you can't breathe, squeeze my hand and I'll find a way to end the call"  
God. He shouldn't be like this. It was just Hunk. Hunk never got mad at anyone. He was like a teddy bear personified  
"Alright... thank you... This feels like when you called out of nowhere"  
"You were this anxious?"  
"You have no idea. I can barely keep up with Veronica without letting her know I'm... like this... It's gotta be bad when you're scared of Hunk"  
Kissing his hair, Keith repositioned them slightly   
"You'll be fine. I've got you"  
"I hope so..."


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter freakin killed me. It didn't do what I wanted it to lol

Sitting at the command table of the Telula, Lance was throwing everything he had into work. The repairs would be done within the next movement or so, and they'd be off again... To the Atlas. Where Lance absolutely did not want to go... It'd been three quintants since Keith had called Hunk back, and the conversation still lingered in his mind. Hunk had been shocked that they'd called. Being the ever conscientious person he was, he tried his best to hide his shock, yet... Lance swore he seemed kind of annoyed they'd called back so soon. Naturally, Keith had told him it'd all been in his head, and that Hunk was happy to hear from them both, but if he was so happy, was the conversation so short? Why did Hunk spend most of his time chatting with Keith, and not him? He didn't even ask how he was. Keith had lied smoothly that Lance's marks were covered by makeup, and Hunk had actually accepted it. He didn't ask why Lance's eyes were red, or why he was cuddled up to Keith. It was like there was some kind of invisible wall between them, and it wasn't like he wanted Hunk to pry, but he'd asked him how he was. He'd congratulated him on his upcoming engagement, trying to laugh and joke as Hunk and Keith did. The engagement party would take place in about a phoeb, seeing Hunk wanted to bring Shay's family from the Balmera to the Atlas, as well as trying to coordinate with Pidge, Matt, Shiro's official commander duties, and of course, the two of them. Coran had already declared he'd be there no matter what the day, while Acxa had ensured Hunk that she'd personally come to get Keith if he forgot. This was all great and all, yet only served to drill home how flaky his friends found him. Acxa would retrieve Keith... who was with him... but they hadn't even mentioned Lance being part of that deal... The last thing Lance wanted to do was bring down the mood, despite how gutted he felt when the call ended. 

Picking up his holopad, Lance went back to trying to read the screen. After stopping the blue pills, he'd felt no ill effects the first quintant. Unfamiliar with their withdrawal effects, he'd been knocked back on the second quintant. His lips tingling as he grew progressively dizzier as the quintant progressed. If he turned his head too fast, he felt as if he was going to faint. That morning he'd woken up sweating violently with a fever. Kosmo had crawled between him and Keith sometime during the night, meaning he'd been able to sneak out of their bed without Keith seeing his symptoms. He'd known it'd be rough. He knew it'd probably get a lot fucking worse, but what he hadn't known was that he was going to be forced to reconnect with society so soon. As it was, he hadn't expected the Telula to come together so easily. The overseer appointed by Lucteal and Daehra had wanted to use the Telula as a teaching exercise to improve the skills of the planet's inhabitants. After all, they'd done, he couldn't say no, and he also couldn't ask them to slow down or sabotage their own work simply because he was scared of seeing the people he'd once called family. Looking down to see the letters on the screen were just as blurry as when he'd first discarded the holopad, Lance threw it down in disgust. He needed to work. He needed to make plans. His team would be returning when the Telula was finally up again. All 13 of them, including Zak, Tobias, Daehra and Lucteal... He needed to make sure they had enough supplies, that the Telula wasn't going to make it a dozen sectors away and blow up, or blow up the first time they needed their weapon systems. His team was placing their trust in him to lead them, not to lead them to their deaths...

Rubbing his eyes hard enough to see stars, Lance sighed softly to himself. He needed to go concentrate. But picking up the holopad, things were just as blurry. With an angry growl, he was a tick away from hurling the stupid thing when Keith plucked it out his hands  
"Headache?"  
It wasn't just a headache. It was an everything ache  
"How do you know? What are you doing here?"  
"You've been working nonstop all morning, so it's time for a break"  
A break was a terrible idea. The moment he swayed, Keith would know something was wrong with him  
"I don't have time to take a break. I'm trying to figure out these readings so the ship doesn't blow up when everyone's back on board"  
"Then I'll take a look at the readings. You don't look well"  
"I'm fine"  
"Lance"  
"For god's sake Keith, I'm fine"  
Sounding whiny instead of angry wasn't a great way to convince Keith he was fine, but at least he hadn't snapped at him  
"You're not fine. You're flushed and shaking. I know you've been working up here for at least the last 5 vargas and that's why you need to take a break"  
"I need to get all of this sorted"  
"Nope. You need to come with me. Annla wants to see us both, and you need to eat something"  
As much as Lance loved Annla, he didn't have time for this  
"I need..."  
"To get all of this sorted. I heard. Look, I'll take a look over the numbers while we eat"  
"But..."

Did Keith know what to look for? The Telula wasn't the same make of ship as his, plus, she was filled to brim with modifications from her days smuggling people and drugs. The error, repeater loops, and feedback margins had to fall within 0.03 per cent to even get her off the ground, any higher and they risked the engines flooding with fuel before ignition. It wasn't like she ran on fuel, it was simply necessary to start the internal turbines before flipping the power would flow through the wires, sparking the crystals then the system would click over to the crystals that kept her floating. Zak had fucked the wires. Things needed to be perfect  
"Tell me what you're looking for and I'll have look. Only after you eat though"  
"I'm not that hungry"  
"I don't care. The whole pretence for going to lunch is to get you out of here"  
"I need these calculations to be perfect"

Another side effect of coming off his medication was that the smallest thing sent his mood yoyoing. Like how he wanted to cry over his stupid tablet, and also throw the stupid thing into the wall then grind the broken pieces into oblivion. Lance knew logically he should have spaced out his blue pills to come off then progressively, but at the same time, he knew that it'd be far too tempting to fall back on them if they were there. As much as all of this sucked and made him feel miserable, he could only weather out the effects, for now,   
"Lance? Did you hear what I said?"  
Phasing back in on Keith, Lance shook his head slightly. Despite the move being only the slightest fraction his head began to throb as his left trapeze tightened like he'd pulled the muscle or slept wrong  
"Food. Yeah. I heard"  
"I asked if you'd rather take a nap. You're almost white"  
"I'm ok. I'll be ok. You wanted food, let's get you food"

*  
Lance was lying to him. Something was going on with his love interest that Lance didn't want to share. Hovering half a step behind, he'd been prepared to catch Lance when he fell. The way he moved was as if he was drunk, bumping into the ship walls like he didn't even realise he had. Bypassing the dining room, Lance's legs gave out about halfway down to their quarters, Lance's scent smelling weird as he looped his arm around him in order to pull him back up. It wasn't rotten citrus, nor was it juniper berries and sea salt. It was the kind of scent you knew you knew, but couldn't name immediately.

Helping Lance to bed, Keith slipped off his boots for him, before settling his boyfriend down. Shivering hard, Keith grabbed their blankets from the end of the bed to cover him. Trying not to appear too panicked over all of this. Crouching down by the side of the bed, the half-Galra reached up to brush Lance's fringe back. Unfocused eyes meeting his as Lance raised his head seeking the coolness of Keith's hand  
"What do you need?"  
"Bucket"  
"You feel nauseous?"  
Nodding, Lance pulled the blankets tighter around him  
"Ok, hold on... I'll find something..."

Keith couldn't remember seeing a bucket laying around on the Telula, he did, however, know there were small empty cargo crates in Lance's wardrobe with would have to do. Returning to his side, Lance grabbed the crate from his hands, vomiting barely a tick later as he did. Seeing Lance didn't need him to hold the crate, Keith made himself useful by moving to climb up on the bed beside Lance to run his arm and stroke his hair. Groaning weakly when he was done, the crate was discarded to the floor, Lance rolling over and snuggling into Keith's leg  
"Better?"  
"My head hurts"  
"You've got a fever"  
"Don't feel very good"  
"Probably not. How can I help?"  
"Can you... stay with me? I didn't want you to see my like this... but I don't want to be alone"  
"You knew you were sick?"  
Nodding slightly, Lance seemed tiny against him as Keith tried to hug him back. The blankets weren't making things easy, especially with him sitting on top of them  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
"I have to get things ready... wasn't supposed to get sick in front of you"  
"I don't mind"  
"I do... you need a break too"  
"I'm fine. I had all morning, remember?"  
He had all morning because he'd woken up in a panic when Lance hadn't been right beside him. Half frantic, Keith's heart had been pounding when he found Lance on the bridge with maps all around him as he clearly worked hard at whatever it was. Lance had been doing so pretty much nonstop for quintants now  
"Can't think... I feel yuck"  
"Ok. You get some sleep. I'm going to get you some water, and some light food like crackers or something for your stomach. Did you take your pills this morning?"  
Mumbling, Lance was barely audible. Keith would almost swear he could hear Lance shivering louder than he did his reply  
"Pills and injection"  
"Alright. I'm just asking so I can start eliminating things"  
"You don't have to... I know why I'm sick... I'll be ok. I want to sleep"  
Not being so sure, Keith didn't want to push and make Lance feel even worse. If it was something like a migraine from too much tech, then the lights and sounds would be too much for Lance's senses. In this case, it was better monitoring Lance's fever as he rested. 

Nearing actual lunchtime, not just lunchtime for a busy Lance, there was a soft knock on Lance's door. Moaning and thrashing in his sleep, Keith wished he could take Lance's pain away. Each time he'd wake him, Lance would whimper away, only to fall asleep again and suffer through another nightmare. Perhaps a little selfishly Keith was grateful for the distraction  
"Come in!"  
Whisper yelling, Lance didn't wake. Having moved to climb under the blanket, Keith moved Lance back into his hold each time he'd move away. Stroking his hair, softly Lance felt soft beneath his fingers. Even his sweaty hair held a silkiness to it, which may have just been residue oil  
"Sorry to disturb you..."  
Letting herself in, the look on Daehra's face told him that he wasn't going to like what she had to say  
"Is Leandro well?"  
"He's sick. I think it's a migraine from working nonstop"  
"You do not think..."  
Keith cut her off before she could continue the thought that had already passed through his mind  
"No. I don't think he's overdosed again. What's wrong? You look worried"  
Raising her holopad, Daehra nodded  
"Leandro being ill explains why he has not told you, if he has seen this at all. I was on a site used the post bounties. Two ships have disappeared in Ghazex within in the last movement. 3 in the last two movements..."  
"Three more ships?"  
"Two Erathian Police Cruisers, the lack of data on the third would indicate that it was most likely a dealer's ship. Leandro has had a bounty placed on his head, as he has not been apprehended. They suspect him in the disappearances"  
"How much?"  
"1.5 billion GAC. The issue lies with the Erathus police. They have listed the officers on board. A friend of Leandro's is listed. An officer named Helo. Will this complicated things for you?"  
GAC didn't work like Earth currency, but 1.5 billion wasn't exactly something to sneeze at. It didn't exactly complicate things for Keith, but that didn't mean he was enthused over the news. It also wouldn't be a problem on Daibazaal, or on the Atlas... no, the main problem was for Lance's team  
"Shouldn't I be asking about you guys and the rest of the team?"  
"We have protocols for this. The team are already rendezvousing with us here"

They had protocols for that? Why were there protocols Lance getting himself in trouble? How did a team even come up with protocols for something like that? "Don't arrest your boss" seemed kind of obvious. Along with "Don't sell your boss out", and "Don't deliver your boss to the bad guys". Unless they were Lance's previous boss, that fucker got exactly what was coming to him... even if he didn't know the details he knew the most important bit which was that Lance killed the piece of shit  
"You have protocols for Lance having a bounty on his head?"  
"Yes, indeed. We are loyal to Leandro, our worry is for you and his friends"  
"We'll be fine. No one is going to challenge Daibazaal while my mother is in a position of power. As for the Atlas, Shiro knows Lance wouldn't have anything to do with ships disappearing. He'll want to talk about everything, then talk to the Erathian authorities"  
"If Shiro does speak to the Erathian government, will they not release details of Leandro's past. The bounty is listed under Leandro, but if they employ the use of the intergalactic media, it will be obvious to all they are the same person"  
Oh... yeah... that might complicate things  
"Daehra, who can access these posts?"  
"All in law enforcement. Those in the same line of work..."  
"Governments?"  
"Possibly. I am not quite sure. Leandro handles these things generally"  
"I'll have to talk to him about it when he wakes up. Do we need to make stops on the way to Altea?"  
"No. It will lead us through some areas where the Telula will be recognised"  
"How are the repairs? Can I help? Lance was trying to look the report earlier but he's been working nonstop"  
"On schedule. In a couple of quintants, we will begin firing up the engines"  
"Alright. I will leave it to you to discuss things with Leandro. I simply wanted to ensure he was informed"  
"Thanks, Daehra. I appreciate you letting me know"  
"Is there anything either of you require?"  
"Maybe some water and food, but there's no rush. If he's got a migraine, he needs sleep for now"  
"I will bring you supplies. Please let me know if you need anything else"

*  
Sitting on the bathroom floor with Lance, Keith was rubbing his back as Lance threw his guts up. The half-Galra was grateful Lance had climbed out of bed and staggered to the bathroom instead of throwing up all over him. With nothing left to vomit, most of what he was coughing up was spit and drool, whimpering as his whole body heaved  
"Lance, I know you don't want to hear it, but you should let Daehra scan you"  
"No"  
"Lance"  
"Wanna shower... it's hot"  
"If you're sick..."  
"Not sick"  
"You're not sick?"  
Hacking again, Lance pinched the bridge of his nose as he propped himself up against the rim of the toilet, a dopey kind of "Lance" smile on his face  
"Withdrawal sucks"  
"You're detoxing?"  
Nodding at him, Lance's elbow started to slip. Keith having to pull Lance away from the bowl before he ended up in it  
"How long?"  
"3 days... need to shower... feel gross"

Three quintants. For three quintants he'd been clueless. After five long moments, it finally hit him. Lance had been crying in the bathroom three quintants ago. He'd most probably decided then that that was the day he was coming off his pills because it was right after they decided to become a "them". Pulling Lance to up to sit on the toilet, Keith propped Lance's head against the wall so he could start the shower  
"I can do that"  
"I know you can"

Adjusting the temperature to slightly above lukewarm, Keith nodded to himself once he was sure he wasn't about to send Lance into shock. Looking to his unofficial boyfriend, Lance looked absolutely wrecked. The shirt he was wearing was soaked with sweat, his hands shaking as he tried to rid himself of the garment  
"Want some help?"  
"No... yes..."  
"Yes or no. This is up to you. I don't want to force you"  
Because one wrong move could set Lance's emotions off  
"Help... please... I can't"  
"Ok, I've got you"

Unable to do his pants or boots, Keith stripped Lance down while trying his hardest not to look. Sliding off Lance's underwear was the worst, a sweet smell coming from the Cuban that made his mouth water as resisted the urge to bury his face between Lance's shaking legs. Since reconnecting at the crash site, he'd kept his hands to himself. Ignoring each time he grew hard out of respect for Lance, he felt even worse about having jerked off to his thoughts of Lance once he knew the truth of what had happened to him  
"Keith?"  
"I'm here. I think you should sit, you're shaking too hard to stand"  
"'m ok..."  
With Keith's support, Lance was still wobbling like a bowl of jelly. Getting him into the shower, Keith caught Lance's hands as he started to flail, cringing as Lance's feet went out from under him and both of his thin wrists cracked in Keith's hold. Lowering Lance so he was squatting and the Cuban was kneeling, he moved to wrap Lance's arms around his waist as he nuzzled into Lance's neck. The moment the water had hit Lance, he'd lost it, starting to cry as he fought against Keith despite being the one to ask for a shower  
"You're ok. It's just the shower. It's you, me and the shower. We're on the Telula. You're safe..."  
"Por favor... por favor"  
"Please, what? What do you need?"  
Starting to sob Lance didn't answer, Keith gave up on trying keep dry-ish as he settled to sit on the shower floor. 

Grabbing the soap, Keith kept Lance on his lap as he scrubbed him down. Lance attempting to nuzzle into his neck so hard that it was almost painful as he shook. He wouldn't be able to count on Lance for much of anything for the immediate time being. If he'd known Lance was planning on coming off his mediation he could have made preparations. Made sure he did it safely, instead of just stopping. He didn't even know what Lance had stopped taking. He'd said he'd taken his pills and his injection, so he'd stopped what? One pill? Two? Phasing out again, he realised Lance was trying to get his attention  
"What's wrong?"  
He'd nearly said, "what's wrong, baby?". Then stopped himself in the nick of time. If the Galra or Klearo had used pet words on him, he could trigger Lance  
"C-cold"  
"You're cold?"  
Nodding, Lance wriggled in his hold  
"Ok. Let me turn the temperature up"  
"U-used c-cold... water on me... H-Held my h-ead under it... c-couldn't... breathe"

Growling, Keith wanted to kill. Lance loved the water. The rain. The ocean. Surfing. He'd bonded with Blue faster than anyone else had bonded with their lions, and Blue was the goddamn water lion  
"K-Keith?"  
Going from one extreme to the other, Keith turned the temperature down  
"Sorry. Knowing you were hurt... I fucking hate them"  
"They're dead"  
"I know. It still makes me wish I could gut them"  
"Ch-chopped his dick off and cut his throat"  
Blinking in alarm, Keith was shocked. Lance did what now?  
"You cut his dick off?"  
"Tried to make me suck it again... I didn't want to... they... it was my body... they... it was my body!"  
Trying to lash out, Keith narrowly avoid being smacked in the face by a sobbing Lance  
"Shhh... Hey, I know. I know it's your body. It's your choice to say no"  
"I did... they wouldn't... why wouldn't they stop?"  
"I don't know. I don't know, babe"  
The name slipped out before Keith could stop himself. All he wanted was for Lance to stop thinking of Klearo  
"I hate this... I don't want to feel like this... I don't know if I can do this..."  
"You can. You're going to get through this. Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Didn't want you to worry... Wanted to be strong for you"  
What... Did Lance know how badly in love with him he was? Or how adorable he was being as he mumbled his replies? Dropping the soap in Lance's lap, Keith cupped his face and guided it up so Lance was forced to look him in the eyes. The blue marks that Lance hated were flickering lightly, something that had started since they'd climbed into the shower  
"You are strong. So fucking strong. You're the love of my life and the world's biggest idiot. You don't need to keep doing this alone. I'm not going to let you go"  
Whining at him, Lance moved his head from Keith's hold to drop it on Keith's shoulder  
"Feel so sick"  
"I'll get you cleaned up, then we can go back to bed"  
Nodding against him, Lance allowed Keith to start cleaning him down again. With how much Lance was sweating, and the vomiting, his mind was planning what came next. Namely getting an IV line set up to replenish Lance's fluids, and figuring out what pills Lance had stopped.

While Daehra set up an IV line in Lance's quarters, Keith excused himself to change into something dry. Unable to find another dry towel in the very wet bathroom, the half Galra opened the bathroom cabinet to find more drugs than he'd seen in his life. The initial shock turned to anger. A sick feeling bubbling up from his stomach as he stared down at the drugs Lance had dosing himself for phoebs, as his chest tightened. Not for the first time, he found himself angry at Lance, and that Lance had chosen drugs to numb the pain rather than opening up to him. This late in the game it was a stupid thing to be angry over. He knew how scared and isolated Lance had felt after being raped. The chronic fear that he was dirty and stained by the actions of others, and how he felt he was no longer even human. But this... this was too much. Lance was going through withdrawal. Having access to so many tablets so easily... it brought back the memory of Lance seizing on the ramp. The fear he'd choke on his vomit or his heart would stop as his body burnt with fever. Scared for Lance, Keith began ripping bag after bag from the small space. Tablets spilling as the bags hit the floor. He didn't want to know what they were, he just wanted them gone. He wanted his Lance back. His Lance who was strong. Stronger without this poison in his blood.

When the last bag was gone from under the sink, Keith fell back on his arse. A sob erupting within a tick of him sitting. All those calls where Lance had acted like nothing was wrong. All the pain he carried on those thin shoulders. The things he'd been forced to do. Naively, Keith hadn't thought of the fact a dick could be a gag. It explained why Lance didn't want anything near his lips... there may have only been four or five of them but how many times... He'd always considered rape to be one of the most vile things one could do to another... and now he was seeing everything playing out with whole new... ways. Why hadn't it been simply enough to torture him? Why take it even further? Lance was the best person he knew. The toughest person he knew. The idiot who kept fighting past what had happened to help out people. Stupidly kind. Stupidly loyal. And while sometimes he talked too much, he was too beautiful to ever stay mad at. These pills were killing the man he loved. The injections ruining Lance's quintessence. He couldn't lose any more of Lance.

Unknown to him, Keith found himself in the same position as Lance. His hands cupped over the bowl of the toilet watching as pill after pill slipped between them. He didn't know which was which, he'd even forgotten which ones Daehra had given to help. He just wanted them gone. As the handful he held vanished, he cried harder in shame. He should have consulted Lance about this. Talked to him. He'd already made such a huge step of going off of one pill. What if this set him back?

"Keith?"  
Oblivious to the door opening, Daehra rushed to his side. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, she guided him into her touch and back from the toilet  
"What happened?"  
Embarrassed to have been caught like this, Keith quickly tried to pull himself together  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know you can feel my emotions. I didn't think you'd be done yet..."  
"Leandro has been sleeping for the last half varga. I heard your crying as I left his quarters"  
"I'm sorry. I came to get a towel and I found... this... there's so many pills"  
Dropping to a whisper, Keith moved his hands up to angrily rub at his eyes with the heels of his palms. No one was supposed to see him like this  
"Yes. But please remember, not all of these are for Leandro"  
"Then why does he have them? He's gone off the blue ones. I didn't find a single blue pill in all of this. No. It's all fucking red ones..."  
"There are more red ones as we use those most in trade. Large quantities ensures Leandro can keep negations open until an arrest can be made"  
"That's fucked up"  
"It is work. You say Leandro has stopped taking the blue pills?"  
Nodding, Keith sniffled loudly  
"That's why he's so sick at the moment. His body is trying to get the drugs out of his system"  
"I understand. Please allow me to deal with these pills. I know which ones I have given him. The rest can be disposed of"  
"I don't know if it's safe to take him off the red ones now that he's detoxing from the blue ones. He's already this sick and it's only been three quintants"  
"You will leave the medical to me, yes?"  
Keith felt an unexpected growl bubbling up, not sure why Daehra's comment struck him wrong. Noticing, the woman loosened her hold with a frown on her lips  
"How can... it's not you. I trust you. He's just so... vulnerable. I want to protect him. I want to hurt anyone who comes near him... I don't know why I feel like this when I know you only want to help him"  
Oh... that was it... saying it out loud didn't make much more sense, but for once he found the words that his actions couldn't say  
"I understand. You love him deeply. I have set an IV line for him. There are natural herb compounds to ease the fever. Annla had hoped to see Lance tonight, but I shall inform her he's unavailable"  
"Lance wouldn't be happy. He still feels bad about the party, and he adores Annla"  
"He..."  
Keith shook his head  
"He'll see her tonight. He's only going to get worse the further in he gets to detoxing. He'll only be harder to deal with if he doesn't"  
Daehra sighed deeply  
"He is already a handful. Very well. I will come to collect you both for dinner in three vargas. Your human bodies are much more complicated than I could ever have believed"  
"Yeah, they are. And Lance had to be special by being like me, not quite human. Thanks, Daehra. I know I keep thanking you, and relying on you, but every time I need help you're always right there. I wasn't sure about everyone at first, but I'm really, really grateful Lance found you"  
Daehra blushed softly, her face warm from his praise  
"Thank you, Keith. Leandro has always recognised our individual actions. Something that was not so when Lucteal and I still called this planet home. Through him, I have managed to see and learn so much. I am as grateful to him, as you are to me. And I am grateful to you for explaining things to me. Never once have either of you treated me differently for my race or my interest in medicine"  
"Why would we do that? You're a gifted healer"  
"I worked in the palace taking care of Annla and the others. Herbs were my interest, but I was supposed to keep to my assigned role. Maids are not supposed to hold interests in these things"  
"Well, I'm glad you didn't listen. When we get to the Atlas, I have just the person you need to meet. She's a genius with plants and herbs, and I'm sure she's going to enjoy learning all about the ones you use"  
"You have someone like that?"  
Lance hadn't told Daehra anything about his past...?  
"We do. Her name is Colleen Holt. There's also Coran, he'll be there. He knows a little about almost everything"  
"And I could meet them?"  
"Of course you can. Shiro and his boyfriend will be delighted to have all of you on the Atlas. You'll probably meet Lance's sister Veronica, and Acxa her girlfriend. Hunk will be there, so will Pidge. I think my mother's coming, but I'm not sure. They're all going to be there"  
"Wow..."  
"It's ok. You'll have Lance and I there"  
Lance... he really should get back to him. Sensing his feelings shifting back to Lance, Daehra released him  
"I will take care of this"

*  
Lance didn't mean to be a stubborn idiot. He didn't. He may have felt like quiznak, but he wasn't going to miss dinner with Annla. Having been showered by Keith, he couldn't find it in him to be embarrassed about leaning into him as they made their way to where the dinner was being held. Keith smelt amazing... looked amazing... was amazing. He'd told him what he'd needed to hear most, that his body was his own. He wasn't sure he believed the words at all, but coming from Keith he knew they were sincere. Keith was... god... how he wished he'd chosen Keith when his heart was tearing in two over his crush on both Keith and Allura. Keith was... at the moment he was everything. Despite how shy Keith may have felt over dinner it didn't show at all on his face. Not like Lance who was sweating through the bodysuit Keith had helped into and thought he was about to faint each time he turned his head. No, Keith had gone grown-up even further when Lance hadn't been looking. His kindness and patience were beyond words. And it fucking terrified him because he knew if this thing with Keith didn't work out, he wouldn't be able to find a new job and rename himself. He'd break beyond repair. The shoddy job he'd done of patching himself together would crumble into nothingness because he truly felt he was still nothing. He didn't deserve Keith's love and support. He didn't deserve the way Keith's hands gently touched him, how he sought permission to initiate anything out of consideration for him.

"Lance, are you ok?"  
Shaking himself from his thoughts, he found them at the end of a hall he didn't remember setting foot into. Taking half a step back, Keith anchored him from unconsciously attempting to flee further. Raising his head to stare into Keith's eyes, Keith gave him a soft smile  
"If you're not feeling well, I'm sure they'd understand"  
"It's not that"  
"What is it then? You were off in your own mind again"  
"I was thinking about you..."  
Scrunching his brow, Keith looked confused  
"Me?"  
"Yeah. I was thinking that maybe I'm glad you walked back into my life. No matter how much that scares the ever-living quiznak out of me"  
"I'm happy you feel that way. And I'm happy you've placed your trust in me. What you can of your trust. I know you're still scared, and I know withdrawal must really fucking suck, but I'm proud you took that step"  
"You sound like Shiro. All space dad"  
"I don't want to sound like Shiro. I mean, he usually has good advice but I want you to see me as me"  
"I do see you... for like you. More than your mullet and all your knives. I don't say it enough, but I do. I'm not used to relying on someone like this. I don't know how to feel or act"  
"You won't until everything is out of your system. It's not going to be pretty, but I'll be there"

Growing teary, Lance wanted to blow off dinner so that they could back to bed and cuddle a little. He'd never thought he'd be able to hug someone again. He'd thought hugging, laughing, and even loving was wrong for someone like him, not that his feelings on the matter had changed that much, rather it was because it was Keith that he could do any of this. His heart was still filled with sorrow and rage for what had been done, but Keith had torn open the infection and slowly was draining it away.

"God. How... I don't know how you... I mean... it still hurts. I'm still scared all the time. I'm still waiting for him to show back up, for any of them to show back up or for something bad to happen... I don't know whether I should be thanking you or hating you, but I'm glad it is you"  
"I'd prefer you didn't hate me"  
Wiping the tears from his face, Lance regretted nodding as the world swam. Keith steadying him before he trip over his own feet  
"Are you sure you're up for this?"  
"Yeah. We shouldn't keep them waiting. It's like you said, I'm going to get worse again"  
"If we could skip all of this, I would fly you to the ends of the universe to make that happen"  
"What makes you think I couldn't fly myself?"  
Trying to lighten the mood, Lance succeeded in making Keith snort  
"Right. That I'd like to see. I can picture you in Daehra's pod taking on those giant space locusts of yours"  
"At least I wouldn't get lost"  
"Your direction is as bad as mine"  
"Says you"  
"Says, everyone. I bet you couldn't find your way back to the Telula from here"  
"Nope, but neither could you"  
Huffing at him, Keith was kind of adorable as he tried not to smile. Lance wasn't sure if it was happiness, embarrassment, or gas that made his stomach feel funny, but he couldn't really bring himself to care  
"We should head in. It's probably going to be a long night"  
"I can't see it taking that long. If you start feeling sick, we'll leave. We can say you're still recovering from that bad space food or whatever. We can totally blame it all on me if you want"  
"I wouldn't blame it on you. Annla invited us as her guests, and once we leave I don't know when I'll see her again. I want to be here... almost as much as I want to be sleeping"  
"You and me both, babe"  
"You're not supposed to be encouraging unsocial behaviour"  
"I'm not encouraging it. I'm simply stating that..."  
Nudging him, Lance waited as the maid who'd led them through the city opened the door the pair of them  
"Keith, you never "simply state" anything"  
"I do too. You just like to make things complicated"  
"Ahhh, I think you mean fun. Now pull those big boy pants on, they'll probably want to know all about Mr Black-Paladin-Keith, who teases his "babe" way too much"  
Keith coughed and looked away. His steps more hesitant than Lance's as they moved into a small carven that hardly looked as royal as the rest of the complex. If not for Annla sitting at the table a little further from them, he would have thought they'd been walked into a trap  
"I'm not living that one down, am I?"  
"Nope. But not because I mind you calling me "babe", it's all about the fact you blush when you do"  
Blushing harder, Keith groaned  
"I'm going to kill you"  
"Take a number and get in line. I hope you'll let me enjoy dinner before I go"  
"You're a dick"  
"Yep. I'm your dick..."  
Waving his hands, Lance tried to fix what he'd said  
"I'm not like your literal dick. Unless you're part shark or something, they have two dicks... but I'm sure you only have one and I'm not making this any better... I'm trying to say that I... you know what, I'm just going to shut up. You have a dick, I have a dick, and you're not a shark. Yep. Let's go eat..."

Fucking moron. Why couldn't he say something smart and witty? Or something that at least made sense... If time could stand still until he recovered some use of his brain cells and his cheeks lost their red hue, that would have perfect. He was even walking unnaturally stiff, like a total loser, as he tried to "run" away from his stupid words. Why did Keith bother with him when he was so fucking stupid he couldn't keep a conversation going?

Having made it a few steps away from Keith as he tried to flee, Lance jumped as Keith's hand come up to ruffle his hair. Releasing his mistake, Keith's hand dropped from his hair within the tick  
"God. I've missed you. No, I'm not a shark... and I have no idea what you'd you do with two dicks... One is bad enough"  
"Can we drop it? I feel stupid enough as it is"  
"Sure. I don't see why though. I learned something educational"  
"You learned that I'm an idiot"  
"If knowing about shark dicks makes you... oof!"  
Elbowing Keith to silence him, Lance hoped he looked alright with ruffled hair as Annla and her mother? smiled at the pair of them. That maid making Lance jump yet again as her heavily accented voice seemed to ring out right behind his ear  
"Former Red Paladin of Voltron, Lance. And his companion, former Black Paladin of Voltron, Keith"  
Annla couldn't hold still, the girl noisily pushing her back her chair to run over to them. Ready to throw herself at Lance, her face beamed with happiness  
"Lance!"  
Snorting, Lance held both hands out to stop the pint-sized princess before she could knock him to floor  
"Annla, that's not how you're supposed to greet guests. Do you remember how?"  
"Oops! I was so happy to see you"  
"I know, I'm sorry I've been sick. Anyway, Good Evening m' lady"  
Bowing was a mistake, but having stopped Annla to make her greet them properly, he had to go through the steps of appearing like he wasn't a drug-addled moron going through withdrawal. Drawing herself up, Annla curtsied politely to both of them  
"Lance. Keith. Will you please join us at the table for dinner?"  
It wasn't quite right, but Lance gave her points for trying  
"We would be honoured"  
Grabbing his hand, Annla forgot all about her manners again as she tugged him towards the table  
"Mama, this is Lance!"

With the same shimmering blue hair and black eyes, Annla's mother was stunning. Rising much more gracefully than her daughter, the Queen was easily the same height as Keith. Her accent was even more pronounced than the maids  
"Lance. Pleasure to meet. Pleasure to thank you for saving Annla"  
Annla rolled her eyes at her mother, flicking her two braids over her shoulders as she did. The gold clasps at the end shimmering in the light of the room. Lance had no doubt they were pure gold, and set off the gold lines through her dress perfectly. If Annla failed at a princess, she'd succeed as a fashionista  
"Mother hasn't practised her English very much"  
"Annla!"  
Cringing, Lance knew exactly how Annla felt at the way her mother said her name. The disapproving mum tone was the worst tone  
"I'm sorry, Mama"  
"Better. I am Queen Assla. I am very honoured to dine with you. My husband was not able to attend"  
Lance was more than happy to dine with the pair of them, rather than the rest of the royal family and the king. He still felt somewhat murderous towards the man  
"No, it's our honour. I'm so sorry about the party the other night. I haven't been very well since we landed, and I deeply regret what happened with Lucteal"  
Looking to her daughter, Lance assumed Annla was translating as she whispered to her mother. The woman giving a nod once Annla was done  
"We leave in the past. No offence was taken, we all understand. You gave me my Annla back at great personal cost. Please sit. I would like hear of your adventures"

Dinner was nice, well, it was edible. Still, in the process of settling back outside of their cave system, their crops were basic. Dinner consisting of some kind of purple potatoes and herbs from the planet, as well as provisions from what Lance had bought in the way of reconstituted meat products. With the distance between some planets being phoeb long trips without wormholes, perishable products had to be treated in order to last. It was a step up from Daehra's cooking and paled in comparison to Hunk's. With his stomach feeling so sensitive something lighter like soup would have been better. Picking up on his discomfort, Keith surprised him by steering the conversation, Lance contributing to correct him or to explain the things Keith wasn't there for, like Douche Lotor and swooning Allura. Nothing Annla said or asked seemed to be off-limits as Keith talked about their time as Paladins, though some of it was slightly exaggerated and not quite how Lance remembered it. Zarkon definitely hadn't been as big as the Telula, nor was Coran the smoothest man in the universe though he did have the smoothest moustache, but he was right about Shiro being the best human commander in existence. Keith perked up when talking about Shiro, his happiness for his adopted brother shining on his face as he totally bragged. If Shiro was his brother, he would have been bragging too, but as it was, he wasn't looking forward to Shiro seeing him again and pulling his "space dad mind voodoo". For someone who said he wasn't good with kids, Keith had Annla wrapped around his little finger, Lance's hand finding it's his way to his stomach unconsciously as he wondered what Keith would think if he knew. Would Keith ever want children? Would Keith ever want children with him? Releasing what he was doing, Lance ripped his hand away from his stomach in disgust, barely avoiding knocking over his drink as he scrambled to put his hand somewhere that wasn't on his stomach. What the hell was he doing? Keith and he weren't even a real thing... Well, they were an unofficial real thing, waiting on him to make it something more... but to jump right to kids... It had to be the effect of the wine his was sipping or the effects of withdrawal. He definitely wasn't letting himself daydream about Keith knocking him up. Keith didn't even know he could knock him up!

"Lance, is everything well"  
Looking to Assla, Lance smiled the best he could. If this had been the old him, he probably would have been mentally forming bad pick up lines based on the start of her name was "Ass"... not that he'd be insulting enough to try them on her, and most would be lost in translation if he did  
"I'm sorry. I was caught up in remembering. Talking about the past makes it all seem like it was just yesterday that we were forming Voltron"  
"Ahh. You miss?"  
"Somedays. I'm enjoying working in humanitarian aid and helping those smaller planets who are no less deserving than anyone else"  
"Amongst other things"  
That was right, Assla knew he... dabbled  
"Yes, amongst other things. Meeting Daehra and Lucteal honestly saved my life. Annla is an amazing girl, she reminds me a lot of Princess Allura. She's just as brave and strong as she was. I'm sure she'll grow to be an amazing ruler in her own right"  
"Those two are useful?"  
Useful felt like the wrong word. It was like saying they were less than people and things to fulfil roles  
"They are both joint seconds of command for my team. Daehra has incredible medical knowledge and Lucteal is amazing back up in a fight. I believe in both of them"  
"That is good. I was unsure after the other night"  
"Lucteal did nothing wrong. That was all on me, I'm afraid"  
"Is it related to your species?"  
Lance wasn't sure what species he was anymore. Not when he looked human but was cursed with Altean marks  
"Something like that"  
"Ah"  
What was "Ah" supposed to mean? He was grateful when Assla fell silent, the attention off of him and his brittle nerves, yet now he didn't know what to do or say. Looking to Annla, the girl smiled  
"Mother, may I please take Keith and Lance on a tour of the Royal grounds before they leave? I want to show them my favourite place"  
Assla took a deep breath, using another "mum" tone Lance knew well. It was late and probably past Annla's bedtime. Talking back and forth in their own language, the Queen finally gave a brisk nod  
"I will leave you in Assla's hands. Thank you for returning my Annla to me. My husband will not be impressed we met in such a way. He does not believe you hold good intent. He is a weak and foolish man. I bid you both goodnight"  
"Thank you for your hospitality, your highness. The food was delicious"  
Looking to Keith, Keith echoed his words with the same politeness. Their dinner coming to an abrupt ending as it had, had Lance questioning if he'd somehow insulted the woman. It wouldn't be hard. "Open mouth and insert foot" seemed to be his default setting of late"  
"Sweet! Let's go! I mean, will you both please accompany me?"

An adventure with Annla didn't sound terribly appealing. Dinner wasn't sitting well, and he wanted to go back to bed before he could embarrass himself further. Deciding for both of them, Keith agreed leaving Lance mentally glaring. Keith was supposed to be on his side, and his side was on the side of going to bed.

*  
Keith wasn't sure what they'd eaten for dinner, only that it tasted how he imagined Kolivan's would cooking taste. Bland and boring. The wine was nice and only nice. Nothing all that fancy, or rather, not what he'd expected the Queen to be drinking. Not that Assla seemed like an ordinary Queen. The quarters they had dinner in had to be Annla's, or at least that's what his nose told him. There was barely any trace of anyone's scent, other than Lance's. Each time he looked in his direction, Keith could smell the tang of his sweat clearer than anything else. With Annla walking in front of them, Keith had his arm looped around Lance's waist. His unofficial boyfriend leaning heavily into them as they walked, after acting slightly different during dinner. Chalking it up to his anxieties and withdrawal, Keith tried his best to keep Annla entertained, and Assla interested. Using creative licence, Keith had channelled Lance's story talents to apply "flavour" as Lance would call it. The things he did for the idiot he adored. Nuzzling into Lance's hair, Lance sighed softly. Keith trying not to wrinkle his nose at the moistness the action left  
"I'm ok"  
"You're quite"  
"Withdrawal. I'm ok. I mean, I'm happy we had dinner with Annla, even if I'm off"  
"You're not off, other than off in your head"  
"I'll be ok. Do you know where we're going on?"  
"Nope. Annla is in charge here"

"I can hear you two. I'm taking you to show me my favourite place"

Sprung by the princess, Keith snorted as Lance elbowed him  
"Sorry, Annla"  
"It's alright, Lance. I know how Keith worries for you. My mother enjoyed your company very much"  
If that was Assla enjoying their company, he hated to know how frosty she was to other visitors. Most of what he had said, Assla had nodded and Annla had thrown in translations along the way. Keith couldn't picture what Annla's father had to look like, but the half-Galra was sure that if he was to look online he'd find the man right under the definition of "coward". The man had to still be blaming Lance for taking away his "chances of social advancement". Which never existed anyway given that the Lions had left them. The fact that he'd associated with the men who'd hurt Lance was enough to make him pray they'd make it through the next few quintants without ever putting a face to the title  
"That's good. She really looks like you"  
"She's very pretty. I don't know I want to be like her though. I think I want to be like Lance. Run into battle to save people. The royal thrones aren't comfortable"  
"Trust me, Annla. You're better off staying here and teaching your people. Allura always wanted peace throughout the universe. A universe where the work I do isn't required"  
"I know. A girl can dream. If I was a Paladin, I would want to be the Black one. The Black Lion is the biggest and strongest"  
Lance wasn't about to take that  
"What about Blue? She's the kindest. She could fly underwater and shoot ice beams. She was also the first Lion we found"  
"You told me all of this, Lance. But if I was the Black Paladin, I wouldn't have to always be a lady"

Keith felt himself smiling at Annla's comment. The little girl was like a mini-Lance, and not completely horrible for a child. He wasn't in a rush for kids, but if they were like Annla, he could maybe handle it... Maybe not so much if he was in a room with Annla and Krolia... he could see everyone ganging up against him. At least Lance would take his side...  
"You'd have to be a lady in public. No one expects that when you're not in control. Red was super fast. He was able to shoot these really cool fire beams, and weld things from a distance"  
Annla shook her head  
"I still like the Black one, best"  
"Black would mean even more chores. If you fly the Red Lion or the Blue Lion, you don't have that many chores too. Not that Keith did his chores all that well. I remember you being late to Razzle-Dazzle more than once. Don't even get me started on that second clear day. The only one suspicious there was you"  
Thrown under the bus by Lance, Keith huffed  
"You're supposed to be on my side!"  
"I am. I promise I am. You're like the future, babe"

God. He was never going to live that down. He honestly couldn't tell if Lance was simply teasing him and didn't mind being called "babe", or if he found it stupid so enjoyed making fun of him for it. Keith might have better control over his anxiety levels, but since falling for Lance, there were a lot of things he did second guess, despite what Lance said  
"Says the guy who was being boiled alive"  
"It was nice and warm..."  
"You were boiling!"  
"And you were sucking on a dummy. So that makes you a great big baby"  
Knowing he wouldn't win the argument, Keith reminded himself that "patience yielded focus", if he was patient he'd be the focus of Lance's affections when they curled up together after this slight detour  
"It takes one to know one"  
Lance gasped, faking insult. His hand clutching his chest for the added drama  
"Well played"  
"I thought so"

Leading them through the underground maze, Keith recognised the cave they came out at. Lance, on the other hand, was in awe of the carved relief on the walls, and the neatness of the whole space. Spinning a slow circle, Lance let out a soft whistle. Taking both their hands, Annla drew them to the front of the church. Keith felt like wasn't supposed to be here after what Daehra said, even with a Royal personally escorting them  
"Daehra likes it better above ground, but I like it here"  
"Where are we?"  
"The royal cathedral. I think your people call it a church in your language. People come here to be united. I hope to one day unite people"  
"That sounds wonderful"  
"Father used to oversee the gatherings here. Before everything changed"

Drawn to the front of the church, Annla let their hands go  
"Stay right here, I want to show you"  
Moving away from them, Keith turned to watch Lance. He could tell that moving his neck was causing discomfort, yet his curiosity had gotten the better of him  
"You like this place?"  
"It's a nice yellow..."  
"When you left the party, we ended up here. We nearly fell asleep on that bench"  
"They're called pews when you're in a church. I'm kind of happy we didn't sleep here. I don't feel like this is a place you're supposed to sleep in"  
"Daehra said outsiders aren't supposed to be here. I guess it's different when you're escorted by a princess"  
"I suppose so. Being a church explains why it's so calming in here. I wonder how often it's used?"  
Keith didn't care, he was more fascinated in how fascinated Lance was by it all. He never did the "church" thing. The closest to a church he'd expected to come in his lifetime was Shiro's wedding, but that was to Adam. If Curtis was like his brother, then it'd probably be a church wedding  
"It's not as dirty or dusty as some of the places"  
"Keith, you aren't supposed to point that out"  
"How am I supposed to know that!? I lived in a shack"  
"You're lucky. Every Sunday when we were kids, we had to scrub ourselves senseless for church. Mami had like supervision and would send us back to wash all over again if she saw the slightest speck of dirt. She said we might not be domesticated at home, but there was no way she was having us upset our grandparents in church because she'd never hear the end of it. If you managed to get dirty during the service, she'd smack your arse with her pink slipper until you regretted everything"  
Laughing, Keith shook his head  
"You were scared of a slipper?!"  
Looking him dead in the eye, Lance was completely serious with his reply  
"You don't know the trauma. She wields her slipper, like you wield your knife. She always finds her target"  
"I don't think she could kill someone with a slipper"  
"That's because you haven't seen her wielding it. If you're around long enough, you'll see it if Nadia or Sylvio misbehave"  
"What do you mean by that? I'm not going anywhere"  
"I mean... I don't know when we're going to see them next. Or for how long..."  
That wasn't what Lance had implied  
"Ah. Right. Ok..."  
"Keith..."  
"No, I get it"  
"I don't mean it like... I mean... I know I'm hard work. I miss my family, but I'm even more scared of them than I was of you calling Hunk. If my mother saw me now, she'd know something was wrong right away"  
"Hey, you're working hard to find your way through everything that's happened and happening..."  
Hearing himself speak, Keith realised he was still to tell Lance about the bounty on his head  
"... actually, there's something I need to tell you about that Daehra told me earlier..."

"Sorry for the wait! I found it. Ok, ok. Come. Stand here in this circle"  
Rushing back from where she'd gone, Annla interrupted the conversation. Lance distracted by the girl, and what she was carrying, rather than asking what Keith needed to tell him  
"I said I would show you. Now, please stand in the circle on the floor"  
Annla was right there. Keith couldn't tell him now she was. The girl would worry about Lance despite the fact she couldn't do anything to change his "wanted" status  
"Lance..."  
"We can't keep a lady waiting. We'll talk when we've returned to the Telula"  
That was better than not. Now the thought was in his head, his brain wouldn't let it drop. He'd thought about it all damn day. He wasn't going to tell Lance right away, yet now he felt bad for not being open and honest. He didn't know if you could be like doubly judged for keeping secrets when in church, but his mind seemed to think you could  
"Ok. But we really do need to talk when we get back"  
Whining at him, Annla wasn't happy over the few tick delay  
"Keith, you need to stand in the circle. It's not right otherwise"  
"Sorry, Annla. Right. You want me to stand in the circle?"  
"Yes. You and Lance face each other. I show you what I will do when I'm all grown up"

The circle on the floor was some kind of red stone. The thin band was big enough for both of them to stand shoulder to shoulder of they'd wanted. Facing Annla, the girl was holding a wooden goblet  
"From here I will unite my people. I will pray to the heavens for guidance. Then, you must drink"  
"Drink? Drink what?"  
Holding the goblet out, Lance took it off Annla, where he sniffed at it on suspicion. At least now Keith knew the answer to his question. She expected them to drink what was in the goblet. He had no idea what was happening, yet was going on with it all for the sake of Lance. Lance would be sad if Annla was sad  
"The drink of blessings and protection. With all we feel, we have no need to drink to understanding. Lance, please drink"

Shrugging his shoulders, Lance then raised the goblet to his lips, taking a large gulp before choking. Taking the goblet off him, Lance coughed and hacked as he thumped weakly on his chest  
"Damn. That stuff is worse than nunvil! Never let Coran near it!"  
With tears in his eyes, Lance continued to cough slightly. Annla was giggling over it  
"It is the wine of heavens. Very strong. Now, Keith. You drink too"  
"It can't be worse than nunvil"  
Shooting him a scratching look, Keith blocked out Lance's face with the goblet. The moment the liquid touched his tongue it was like his breath was torn from his lungs as his mouth filled with an airy burn that brought tears to his eyes. Choking as Lance had, Keith shoved the goblet towards Annla  
"This is horrible!"  
"I think they could sell it as fuel for ships"  
Nodding, Keith was ashamed that he hadn't taken as big as a sip of Lance had. He'd tried... and choked  
"Coran doesn't need to know that exists"  
"No. No, he does not"  
"I can still feel it... I feel like someone smacked me in the face with a brick"  
That was an accurate description, Keith had to ask  
"Annla, is it supposed to be that strong?"  
"It is not so strong to us. It helps to ease coming together. I pray the heavens are kind to you. You are united and stronger. Where one slips the other shall catch. Where one leads, the other shall follow. You will shoulder the pain together. The happiness will double together. Together you make your way through the universe as partners. The stars will protect and guide you"  
"Here that Keith, the universe says we're partners"  
Rolling his eyes at Lance, Keith tried not to cough his lungs out as he replied sarcastically  
"I never would have guessed. I thought I was here for my health"  
Lance hunched over as he coughed and laughed  
"I did too. At least now we know you're supposed to be putting up with me"  
"Of course I'm putting up with you. It's not that hard"  
"'cause you're supposed to support me and catch me, right?"  
"I already did"  
"I don't know, you dropped me on my bed"  
"That you remember, our bonding moments you forget"  
"I got blown up!"  
"I've cradled you in my arms more than once"  
"Then maybe you're going to have to do it again, so I don't keep forgetting"

Keith's smile was wide. Taking Lance's hands in his, he wanted to kiss him. Rubbing the backs of Lance's hands with his thumbs, the Cuban took his breath away all over again as he replayed those words  
"Ill cradle you every single quiznakking night until you get sick of it. I keep telling you I'm not leaving. We're partners"  
"You're the pushiest partner I've ever had"  
"Someone has to keep you in line"  
Almost forgetting Annla was there, Keith's voice had dropped to a low and husky whisper. Lance was hanging on to every single word. The former Red Paladin was leaning in, almost as if he wanted that kiss as badly as Keith did.  
"Is that right?"  
"You know it is"

Keith may have had a little wine with dinner, he may have suffered through third of that horrible goblet drink, yet that was nothing compared to how drunk he felt as he stared into Lance's eyes. Lance may call him "hot", "beautiful", "grizzled", and "perfect", but Keith didn't see that... He didn't concern himself with his looks, still, he couldn't believe that Lance had chosen him back. Lance wasn't well. He was pushing Keith to extremes he'd never have gone to before... such as stalking. The soft warmth of Lance was so much more than he'd ever dreamt it would be. He was learning you didn't need to be physically intimate to be intimate... even if he really really wanted to taste Lance's lips against his, he'd wait for his not-boyfriend to be ready.

"Now you must drink again"

Keith wasn't sure he wanted to. Annla's small voice ruining the long moment between him and Lance. Keith let his empty hand hang by his side as Lance took the goblet from Annla again. Throwing a wink in his direction, the Cuban drank deeply before pulling back to cough again  
"The rest is yours, Mullet. Unless you can't stomach your alcohol"  
Taking the goblet, Keith scoffed  
"It's you who can't handle your drink"  
"I'm handling it perfectly fine. Stop stalling"  
"I'm not stalling"  
"You are too. Don't worry, it tastes just as bad the second time"  
"That's not making me want to drink it"  
"Ooooh. Are you chicken?"  
"I'm not chicken"  
"Then finish the wine"  
"I'm trying to, but you keep talking me"

Raising his free hand, Lance made the motion of zipping his lips shut. Sighing mentally Keith raised the goblet back to his lips, cringing before the liquid even hit his tongue. Draining the goblet, he passed it to Annla  
"That stuff was awful"  
"It is sacred. Only used in times of union. You are joined and you stand before me united. May you have many happy moons until we meet again"  
Laughing, Annla frowned at the sound Lance was making  
"I think we need some happy Dae's too!"  
Groaning, Keith shook his head  
"You just had to go there, didn't you?"  
"Yep"  
Yawning widely, Lance stumbled slightly forward as he did. Letting himself act as a wall, Keith moved forward enough for Lance to rest his warm forehead against Keith's neck. His fever was coming back, most likely from exhaustion  
"I'm sorry, Annla. I think it's time for me to take Lance back to the Telula"  
"I understand. I wanted to show him where I plan my future before you left"  
Turning his head slightly, Lance held an arm out towards Annla until she finally moved close enough to be pulled into a hug  
"Thanks, kiddo. I'm really proud of you, and I know you're going to be a magnificent ruler"  
Not quite sure what to do, Annla stayed still until Keith saved her from her awkwardness and broke the hug  
"Lance is right. And if you have any problems at all, you have us and the Atlas who'll come to help you"  
"Thank you. I know my father does not wish such a thing with a wanted man. But he is set in his ways. I must give you both a present before you leave"  
Lance shook his head, Keith grabbing him before he could topple over  
"You don't need to do that, Annla"  
"Nonsense. I want you to remember me"

Pulling the gold clips off her hair, Annla handed them one each  
"I am going to miss you both so much. You will call, will you not?"  
"Of course we will"  
Putting on a brace face, Annla's wobbling bottom lip betrayed her. She probably didn't want them to leave. Keith wasn't sure if she was getting all the attention she deserved  
"Yeah, Keith is right. We can call, and you can call. So can Daehra and Lucteal. This isn't goodbye, this is "see you later""  
"I like that much better. I will show you to the Telula. Let me put this back first. Mother will scold me if she knew I was teaching unions on my own"  
With Lance nearly asleep on his feet, Keith didn't mind  
"Take your time. We're in no rush"

A sleepy Lance was an uncoordinated Lance. Lifting Lance into his arms, Lance loosely slung his arms over Keith's shoulders as he let him carry him once they got out of the cave system and onto less even ground. Feeling something soft again his chest, his whole body froze when he realised Lance had kissed him on the cheek willingly  
"What was that for?"  
"Just wanted to say thank you"  
"You couldn't have said it?"  
"No. Not properly. You were so good with Annla tonight. I'm happy you two get along"  
"She's not bad for a kid"  
"Nope. I can't wait to see what kind of Queen she becomes"  
"Neither can I. Do you think we can count this planet as an ally?"  
"Not yet. I mean, I think Assla liked you well enough. It's the King that's the problem"  
"I know you like the people here, but he's got me worried. I've kind of been waiting for him to..."  
Kissing his cheek again, Lance promptly short-circuited his brain  
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that again. I think I'm buzzed on that "hinky church juice"  
"Do you have to call it that!?"  
"I don't know what else to call it. Union juice sounds as bad"  
"It sounds even worse"  
"Well... whatever. I still think I'm buzzed"  
"I feel it too. We're going to change and then straight bed. You've still got a fever, and I'm not having you collapsing"  
Snorting, Lance let his head loll against Keith's shoulder  
"Such a big strong partner I have. I'm sorry I'm pathetic at the moment"  
"That's the key phrase though, isn't it? And for the official record, as well as the millionth time, I don't find this pathetic. So stop saying you are"  
"I'm not going to fight. I'm too sleepy. I'm going to let you handle that one and focus on not throwing up"  
"Not throwing up is good. You do that and I'll do this"  
"Sounds good, partner"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have Annla interrupt them when they were in the church the first time, but thought they should have like a moment instead lol.
> 
> We have one more chapter then we're off to see the others. The next chapter is kind of little tastes of Lance's withdrawal. The initial symptoms are based of withdrawing from antidepressants...
> 
>  
> 
> And oh god... 12k. I am sorry


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sighs dramatically. Here starts the reunion chapters...

Running up to the command room of the Telula, Lance had no idea what was going. One moment he'd been trying to get dressed, the next the ship lurched and he was sent falling face first into his wardrobe. Dressing as he ran, he threw himself up the stairs while trying to straighten out the long sleeve shirt he'd finally got on around the right way  
"Leandro! We're under attack"  
"Have they hailed us? Shields on full!"  
Swaying as he tried to reach the closest desk, Lucteal was acting far too reckless with his Telula  
"It's a small ship. The only one we've come across in the sector. There seems to be some hull damage according to the scans"  
"Us or them?!"  
He was going to kill them if they'd damaged his baby. There were less than a quintant out from the Atlas. His symptoms were finally dying down, enough that he was planning on trying coming off the red pills, though each time he thought of the pills he did finding him craving them so maybe it wasn't quite time yet... and not in the middle of being attacked  
"Them. First strike was a glancing blow. Shields on full. Not getting a response on comms"  
"Bring us in closer. If they need help, they may be firing out of fear"  
"Are you sure?"  
"It wouldn't be the first time that's happened. Keep trying their comms. I'm going to prep to embark"  
"Leandro, we don't know..."  
"Look, they either need help, or they want to kill me. Either way, I want a line open to them"

Leaving Zak and Lucteal, yelling at him, barreling down the stairs he smacked right into Daehra  
"Leandro! Slow down"  
"Sorry, Star. I have to go get dressed"  
"What is happening?"  
"There's a ship firing at us. We don't know if it needs help yet. Electric's at the helm... and I need to change"  
All that effort for clothes he now needed to swap out of everything. He liked this shirt. Keith had gotten it for him, the khaki the same as the old jacket he used to wear on the castle. It even had orange bands on the arms. His wardrobe was now their wardrobe, so he was glad there was enough variety in there that Keith wasn't always brooding in black... though if Keith "accidentally" wore his jeans again, he might have to toss him out the airlock for torturing him. Sliding past Daehra, she grabbed his arm  
"Does K-Meteor know?"  
"He was sleeping. He had a rough night"  
"You cannot leave without notifying him"  
Shit. She had a point. And his comms were still beside their bed... Hopefully, Lucteal hadn't just patched it through and Keith was listening to a whole lot of yelling with no explanation  
"Ok. I need to hit up the armoury. He had some pretty bad nightmares last night, so might be a bit jumpy. Let him know to meet me there. We might need the medbay too"  
"Right..."  
Whatever Daehra wanted to say was lost by Lance jogging away. They didn't have time for this. The hull was damaged, oxygen could be haemorrhaging as they wasted time.

Dressed in his Blade's outfit, Keith came into the armoury as Lance was lacing up his boots. It felt good to be in his full uniform, even if he didn't cut as an impressive figure as Keith did  
"What's happening?"  
"We were fired up. Electric's taking us closer while Zak's on the comms"  
"Taking us closer? If they're firing, shouldn't we be moving away?"  
"Their hull's damaged. They're probably firing in fear. I'll be performing a manual entry. I assume you were coming"  
"There's no way in quiznak I'm letting you go alone"  
"Good. We might need Kosmo. Star's prepping the medbay"  
"Are you sure about this?"  
"About what?"  
"About this? What if it's a trap?"  
"Then we blow their ship"  
They couldn't trust anyone to take prisoners in. If there were people on board, they'd need to adjust on this feet. He had cuffs, and tranqu guns on his belt  
"I can't talk you out of this, can I?"  
"Not when someone fires at my team. Do you have my comms?"  
"Yeah"  
Holding his hand out, Keith tossed him his communicator. Manipulating the screen, he connected himself to the Telula's comms  
"Electric, you read?"  
"Read you"  
"Patch Meteor in. Anything from them?"  
"Not yet. We'll be on them in 246 ticks"  
"Right. Meteor and I will attempt manual entry. Keep scanning the sector. I don't want any nasty surprises"  
"Already on it"  
"I know you are. We'll drop from lock 4"  
"Understood. Requesting access to Meteor's comms"  
"Right. Meteor, accept the call already"  
Lance was sure Keith was frowning as he accepted the incoming call  
"Connected. You're good to go"  
"Right. Taking discs. Keep an ear on out"  
"Will keep you appraised"  
"Thanks"

Heading towards the airlock, Lance paused when Lucteal's voice came through his comms  
"Leandro, we raised them on the comms. You better come up here"  
"What's going on?"  
"They will only speak with the commander, and that would be you"  
"Who are they?"  
"Two Galra and another. All-female"  
The groan that Keith gave was filled with annoyance  
"Does one have pink ears, two pink marks on her forehead and green lips?"  
There was a tick of silence  
"How did you know?"  
"Because they're my team. Dammit. I told Zethrid to stop pulling this bullshit. Guys you can all relax. Leandro, why don't you get changed? They probably flew out to meet us before we hit the Atlas. For quiznak's sake..."

Cutting his comms, Lance felt like a kicked puppy. He was happy that there wasn't an emergency but had sort of forgotten Keith had his team... A team which he'd probably want to go back to once they'd reunited. It wasn't a great feeling. Jealousy turning to self-hatred over such thoughts as he trudged back to the armoury to drop his weaponry off. Keith hadn't tried to say anything to him before they'd separated, Lance left feeling like invisible walls were already forming between them. They still hadn't had that talk, about what they were to everyone else... and maybe it was for the best now that Keith had his team back. He had people could rely on. Not some random guy from Cuba was never meant for great things.

Leaving his bodysuit and mask on, the pain only got worse when he caught the sound of Keith's laughing as he trudged up the steps to the command room. He wanted to be the one to make Keith laugh like that. To make him smile and make him happy. Keith hadn't had that much to laugh about since he'd come back into Lance's life. Grateful his scent and self-disgust were hidden by his armour, Lance forced himself to walk over to where Keith was standing. Zethrid took up most of the screen space, but Ezor was by her side. The pair seemed happy, or at least happy enough for Ezor to laugh at him  
"Is that Lance in there? He looks better like that!"  
Nudging her girlfriend, Zethrid growled  
"You're not supposed to be looking at him"  
"But he's on the screen! How can I not look at him?"  
Chewing her gum loudly, Ezor blew a large pink bubble, the gum popping and causing him to jump  
"We're only here for Keith"  
"You're no fuuuun"  
Yeah. The pair of them were happy. Happy reminding him no one wanted him. He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to made to feel like the seventh wheel on his own ship  
"You can let them on board. It's better than them floating in that ship. I'll go make up a room for them"  
Keith shook his head without looking at him  
"They've got rooms on my ship. Kosmo can teleport them down there. It's only for a few vargas. We'll hit the Atlas tomorrow"  
"Right. I guess I'll go do something else then..."

Finding something else to do involved emptying out their combined wardrobe. From what he could see and what he could remember Ezor liked to snoop, so he'd rather her not snooping through his private things only for her to find Keith's stuff. It's been like he barely existed when he'd been on the bridge... He'd known this was going to happen. Keith had so many options that weren't him. And now it was all going to be over before anything got better. Before he got better...

It felt like packing up Allura's things all over again. Each little item held some stupid memory. The blankets on their bed came from Keith, so soft that he never wanted to climb out of them again. The clothes that actually fitted him, without being two sizes too big, Keith had had him "model" for him. The beauty products in the top drawer of the bedside table were bought to help with his itchy skin. The book under Keith's pillow made sense to neither of them, but it had pictures so they made up their own stories... there wouldn't be any more of that.

Swearing it was the dust in the air, Lance wiped down Keith's room for him. Placing Keith's clothes in the closet, he supposed that he should have had Kosmo take them down to Keith's ship for him. Making Keith's bed for him, it again seemed pointless when he'd sleep on his ship. All of it'd been pointless. He should have run when Keith came walking back into his life. Keith was probably laughing with his team. Probably telling them how pathetic he'd become... and yet, he'd still walk through hell to help Keith. All Keith had to do was call and he'd come running. But Keith wouldn't call him now...

*  
Standing in the command room of the Telula, Lance had avoided Keith since his team had come together to meet Zethrid, Acxa, and Ezor. Lucteal didn't like having them on the Telula, Daehra was cautious, not that he could blame them but they were learning that there were good Galra and making the effort for all their sakes. Zethrid had the vibe of a big bad Galra, her sense of humour didn't always translate, yet Tobias seemed to like her. Tobias also didn't realise that Zethrid and Ezor were a couple... he was a bit backwards in social interactions. Keeping the mask of Leandro in place, he could handle the jokes between Keith and the others. He could handle having Galra so close. He couldn't hate the whole race because of the actions of a few, and god knew everyone deserved a second chance. He didn't want to hate people because of his own insecurities. Keith shared a deca-phoeb's worth of memories with his team, so it was natural they had their own inside jokes. It was like Keith coming aboard the Telula and playing catch up all this craziness. He'd tried to join in during dinner, the official meet and greet, but he couldn't do it. Axca kept looking in his direction, Ezor kept teasing everyone, and Keith had his hands filled keeping the peace. Kosmo had come to his side, then left him for Acxa. Daehra had lied to help him, asking for his assistance then letting him be. He'd retreated to the bridge to watch the stars alone.

Watching the Atlas come into view, they never did have that conversation. Lance had told Daehra to tell him to go ahead, Keith's ship was smaller after all. It was faster with better manoeuvring... plus, he couldn't look Keith in the face, feeling what he felt and knowing everything he was feeling was one sided  
"Hail the Atlas"  
God. He was about to talk to Shiro alone... Thank fuck for his mask. Keith was supposed to be by his side for this. In his mind they'd hook their little fingers together off-screen, silently supporting each other. Not standing on the opposite sides of the screen on two different ships. Coming up on the monitors, Keith was already standing by Shiro. Veronica just behind and off to the side of both of them  
"Hey, Lance!"  
"Hey, Shiro. Long time and all that"  
Giving him a patented dad smile, Shiro looked good. He looked happy. Love must do that  
"Yeah, it has been. Where am I landing my girl?"  
"We're going to open hangar bay 5 for you"  
Pulling up a schematic map on his end, Lance nodded with some idea of where the hell he was going  
"Right. Thanks. Lucteal, take us in. ETA 4 doboshes"  
"I'll send Keith down to meet you there"  
"It's fine. We have things to do on our end. Shall we meet in the conference room in 20 doboshes"  
"I'm sorry Lance. We can't have unknown people walking around the Atlas..."  
Yeah. Sure. Shiro knew his fucking team was coming with him, what kind of bullshit was this?! They were with him. He wasn't about to endanger the Atlas, or not any more than having a wanted criminal with 1.5 billion GAC bounty on his head would. Shifting his weight and standing taller, Lance glared at Shiro beneath his mask  
"Right. Hangar Bay 5. Got it"

Landing in said hangar, Lance was completely done with the Atlas, despite the Telula only just touching down. Hangar bay 5 was only barely big enough for his girl to squeeze into with all the other shit down there. He'd thought Keith's ship would be close, but it just seemed to be prototype pods or a whole lot of junk. It was nice to know he was so highly thought after... not. Coming to his side, Daehra shyly took his hand  
"It's Lance now, right?"  
"Yeah, Dae. Sorry. Can you feel my emotions?"  
"Yes. You are scared, but we will be by your side"  
"I know, Dae. It's just... all these people used to be my family and now I feel like I don't belong here"  
"It is only for a few quintants..."  
"I know..."  
"And Keith will be here for you too"  
God. He didn't want to think about Keith, or rather, he didn't want to keep thinking about Keith... He'd probably told Shiro all about how he was tortured and raped. He'd probably warned them all that Lance was dirt  
"Stop. I can feel what you are thinking. He cares for you more than that"  
"Look Dae, I know he says he does. But the moment his team came back, I ceased to exist. He and Shiro are practically on the same wavelength. And I know it's really stupid, but standing before Shiro, I felt like I was back being a Paladin who was worthless. Voltron wasn't all team happiness. It was hard. Really hard towards the end. I don't feel like this place is where I should be, especially after we had to take such a long break. I want to get back out there and help other people, instead of hanging out here and... I'm sorry, I'm venting"  
"Maybe a little. You are our leader. You are strong. Is that not why you sent the others to revel camps to form an army?"  
"Not quite. I sent them to sure up support if we move against the outpost and prison facility... We need to know if they have lost people too"  
And because he didn't want them seeing him as the spineless coward he was. He didn't want them to see how lacking he was when compared to the great Shiro. He'd also sent them away because they weren't on board permanent. Two of them had come with Lasandi, so he wasn't sure why they'd still want to follow him around, and Th'al was lying low until the bounty on his head passed, so her support crew was moving to her location in the rebel camps. He wouldn't blame Lasandi or Th'al if they came after him. 1.5 billion wasn't anything to sneeze at  
"Come. The more we delay this, the worst your anxieties will be"  
Daehra holding his hand prevented him from scratching at his arms or screaming his head off. Both options would be fine right about now  
"I know... God. I really wish I had my pills"  
"You have come so far. Do not let these people push you back"  
Smiling fondly at Dae, Lance nodded  
"When did you get so wise?"  
"I have always been wise"  
"That's true. Lucteal, Tobias, Zac, Gin, Chlo, Edra, let's go meet the commander"

Lance was surprised that Shiro had come down to meet him with Keith. Smiling at him, Shiro seemed even taller than he'd remembered  
"Lance, it's great to see you again"  
Sensing Shiro was going for a hug, Lance held out his hand for a handshake instead. Smoothly transitioning from the not-hug, Shiro shook his hand firmly  
"We've missed having you around. Keith's filled me on some of what's happened"  
"Keith has a big mouth"  
Shiro's lips twitches, Lance pulling back from the handshake before he made things worse or Shiro tried to hug him  
"This is some of my team. This is Daehra, and her brother Lucteal. My seconds in command. Then we have Zak and Tobias, and finally our support crew Gin, Edra and Chlo"  
Faint lines appeared on Shiro's brow as he drew it slightly  
"Is this everyone?"  
"The rest of my team are out running a mission for me. They'll rendezvous with us when we've left and cleared the sector"  
"Oh, right. I was expecting... never mind, I don't know what I was expecting. Let me show you up to your rooms. Pidge has already been here for a few quintants, and Matt arrives tonight. Coran tomorrow. He said he something special he had to finish up. Shay obviously suspects something is going on, Hunk keeps turning into a mess each time he explains why everyone is coming..."  
Paying polite attention, Lance fell into step behind Shiro. He might be the leader of his own team, but he still felt like he didn't deserve to walk beside him. As he moved, Keith went to place his hand on Lance's arm, Lance tearing his arm away before the touch landed. He had no idea what Keith wanted from him, but it was taking all he had not to flee as it was. He didn't have time for Keith to ask him if he was ok when he obviously wasn't. He didn't want to hear about Shiro's concerns over what he was doing with his life. He was flooded with enough emotions and feelings as it was. If he lashed out, that would be it... His feelings were wavering again. He wanted to fall into Keith's arms, but the previous quintant still fucking stung. For the sake of his own mental health, Keith had to stay away from him, and he from Keith. He'd mentally allocated three quintants to this castle trip, and once that was over, he wasn't sure he wanted to see anyone ever again. The pain of his broken heart was affecting every aspect of his being, and he only had himself to blame.

"Oi! Ugly!"

Startled by the familiar voice, Lance span round with wide eyes. Standing down the end of the hall they'd been walking down, Rachel was waving like a lunatic. Veronica was standing by her side  
"Rachel...?"  
"Lance, do you know this person?"  
Sidestepping in front of him, Lucteal had gone on the guard  
"That's my sister. They both are..."  
"Your sisters?"  
"Yeah..."  
This was an unplanned hiccup in his plan. Swallowing hard, he knew he had to act "normal". Veronica would pry, but Rachel... Rachel was on a whole other level...  
"Rachel and Veronica..."  
Flinching as a large hand landed on his shoulder, Lance didn't need to turn back to know it was Shiro  
"Your whole family came out for the party"  
Whole... family... oh... fuck... 

Jogging down the hall towards him, Lance pushed Lucteal aside at the last moment, catching an armful of his sister. Veronica much more calmly coming up behind to wrap her arms around both of them  
"Where have you been you idiot? Mami said you were on some mission with Keith, but you never like call anymore! Do you know how many times she's complained to me about how much of an idiot you are?"  
"Leave him alone, Rach. You're both idiots"

Breaking the awkward sibling hug, Veronica looked to him expectantly. If she wanted him to the lose the face mask, that wasn't happening, but he could introduce them to his team  
"Rachel. Veronica. This is some of my team..."  
"I don't care about that, take the ridiculous mask off your stupid face"  
Making grabbing hands for it, Lance grabbed Rachel by the wrists  
"It's not ridiculous. It's for work. You that thing that some of us actually do"  
"Mhmm. You look like an imitation blade"  
"It does its job. Unless you want your poor brother shot to death"  
"Right. Like you do anything that dangerous. Take it off already..."  
Pulling Rachel off of him, Veronica sighed  
"You two never grow up. Mami and Papi are here, so is Marco. Luis stayed home with Lisa and the kids. Sylvio broke his arm playing soccer. He wasn't happy to be benched"  
"Is he alright?"  
"Yeah. More upset he can't play. Doesn't mean he doesn't try to"  
God... Lance had no idea. He'd been too caught up in himself. Why hadn't his mother messaged? It might be a simple break, but it didn't mean he didn't care... maybe they didn't want him making contact with the kids after all his breakdowns on Earth? Lance would always be a loser like that  
"Anyway, what took you so long?"  
"I don't come over to this sector, my work is like galaxies in the other direction"  
Looking Daehra, Rachel sighed deeply  
"Does he actually work? Or does he fly around pretending he does?"  
Daehra was the wrong person to ask. The poor woman could feel everything  
"Rachel, leave Daehra alone. She's my team's medical officer. She knows all kinds of fun things to drug you up with"  
"Pffft. Yeah, Right. Even thousands of miles from home, you're still a douche"  
"And you're still a bitch. V, where's mami?"  
"They're having lunch in the dining area. Shiro was supposed to surprise you down there, but Rachel couldn't wait"  
"That sounds about right. Shiro, were are our rooms?"  
"Just along the hall here. We didn't know how many you were bringing so most of this hall is empty"  
"Right. We'll decide rooms later. Apparently, I have a family I need to see"  
His false bravado was surprising himself. Walking back the way they came, his team were all curious over his sisters, except for Zak who hated walking on the best of days and would rather be down in the Telula. If he'd known his family would be waiting, he would have worn something over his suit. Now he'd have to live with Rachel teasing him over being a fake blade... which she did as she poked at him the whole back through the Atlas.

*  
Keith had no idea what he'd done, only that Lance refused to look at him. Each time he reached out, Lance moved away, and each time he caught Daehra's gaze she'd give him a sad smile before looking away. He didn't get what had suddenly changed so abruptly for Lance. He'd had Kosmo teleport him to their room, only to find Lance had cleared all his stuff out. When he'd tried to include Lance in the discussion they were having during dinner on the Telula, Lance had left with Daehra. He hadn't even had the balls to tell him to take his ship ahead to the Atlas. That too was left to Daehra. He got that no one had expected his old team to show up showcasing new tech, but Lance wasn't even trying and that pissed him off.

Watching Lance reunite with his family was bittersweet. They were overjoyed to see him, while Lance looked ready to run. Each hug was tense, each facial expression lost to the mask Lance wore over his face. A mask that didn't come off until Lance's mother got ahold of him. His eyes were red-rimmed, tears rolling down his cheeks as his mother gushed over him. None of sat right. None of it felt right. And the only person to care he was quietly shaking with anger was Shiro.

Having chosen not to sit with the others, Keith was sitting a few tables away watching. Zethrid, Ezor and Axca were all down in the training room. Ezor had been causing trouble with her bubbly personality and Zethrid wanted to hurt anyone who looked at her the wrong way. From what Axca had said, his mother would be arriving tomorrow. Which meant he was now stuck with whatever this was. Sitting down across from him, Shiro crossed his arms and gave him his best "spill" look. Glaring back, his adoptive brother laughed softly  
"What's going on with you?"  
"What do you think's going on with me?"  
"If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say a certain Cuban?"  
Grinding his teeth, Keith replied sourly  
"Wow. Your powers of observation never fail to amaze me"  
"Hey, no need to take it out on me. I thought things were better between you two"  
"So did I. I don't even know what I did. He won't talk to me"  
"You said that already"  
He may have slightly vented to Shiro about Lance... but only because he couldn't understand what the quiznak was happening. He knew Lance was scared of reconnecting. Casting another glance at Daehra, Daehra was laughing softly at something Lance was saying  
"They're not what I was expecting"  
Looking back to Shiro, Keith frowned  
"What were you expecting?"  
"I don't know. I did see the way that one stepped in front of him"  
"That's Lucteal. He's an arsehole"  
"He seems to like Lance"  
"They all like "Leandro". He doesn't go by Lance out there anymore"  
"Careful Keith, you're letting your jealousy show"  
"I'm not fucking jealous"  
The pout on his lips ruined his argument. Shiro only smiling wider  
"Don't give me that. How's he really going?"  
"Better than he was. Still having panic attacks and nightmares. Still doing stupid shit... so still being Lance"  
"That's not what I'm asking"  
"I know what you're asking but it's not my place to say it"  
"Are you two..."  
Keith groaned  
"Don't even go there. I don't know. I thought we were moving that way but when I went to get my stuff from our room, he'd already moved me out"  
Shiro's smile dropped  
"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything that happened that might explain it?"  
"He was fine. He was getting better, then my team showed up and he shut down again. He didn't even try, Shiro. I tried to include him but he ran off. God. It makes me so mad. I tried for him. I still don't know all the names of his team members, but I tried. I put up with all his bullshit stunts and he can't even try for one quiznakking night"  
"Did you try messaging him?"  
Nodding, Shiro had to be stupid if he thought Keith wouldn't have been messaging Lance's stupid arse all damn night  
"He was in the Telula's command room all night. He couldn't even come down and tell me he wanted me off his ship. He sent Daehra down to tell us to go ahead"  
"Well, this is a big thing for him. He hasn't had time for us since he started this job"  
Scoffing in disgust, Keith felt the need to bare his teeth at that comment  
"Hasn't had time for you? Seriously, Shiro. I expected better from you. I saw his messages, no one calls or messages him. We called Hunk back about all of this, and Hunk spent more time talking to me than he did Lance. I got stuck lying and trying to soothe him back down because he's convinced no one wants him around. They fucked up his head, and having been "dumped" from the team was the final nail"  
"We all get busy... I know it wasn't malicious"  
"And I told you what happened. I've spent movements trying to get him through what happened. And now he won't even look at me"  
"It's probably hard for him..."  
"It is hard for him"  
"... to readjust. It's been you, him and his team. When your team came back, he probably convinced himself you're going to leave him. You did say he's suffering from abandonment issues"  
"He wasn't fucking abandoned, Allura threw him away. She fucked his body. He doesn't even know if that is his body, because he went and died and no one ever said a damn thing about it. He thought we all knew didn't care. He spent years thinking that..."

Running his hands through his hair, he was ready to explode, or at least flip the table or something. Lance was right there. They shouldn't be talking about him like this. It felt like he was betraying him.

"Keith, calm down. You're getting loud enough that everyone is going to hear you. We can't change the past. I wish we could..."  
"Shiro, honestly, don't. Right now I want to grab him by the collar and shake the fuck out of him or drag him off the ship. He didn't want to see his family. He wasn't ready yet. Now he's laughing and forcing himself to be physical when touching still sets off panic attacks"  
"Keith, it's not your job to decide what Lance does. I know you said he was tortured, that's why I called his family and invited them. I'm not saying you're no good for him or haven't helped him, but he needs his family too"  
Lance had called him "home", and called him his "family". Shiro was making it sound like something like that could never exist between the pair of them  
"Lance won't be happy"  
"Maybe not now, but I think it'll be good for him. Tell me more about his team"

Sighing at him, Keith was still slightly miffed Shiro hadn't trusted Lance over his team. Keith had told him he trusted him, but Shiro was still a dick to Lance  
"They're good people. We were staying on Lucteal and Daehra's planet. Lucteal has a major crush on Lance, they had a kind of moment but it seems like that's settled down. I want to introduce Daehra to Colleen. She's never received proper medical training, but she's got a first rare mind for it all. Zak. Is like Pidge 2.0. Tobias is kind of useless. I don't know what the other three do. There were supposed to be more joining us, but Lance sent them away. I don't know. I haven't had that much contact in the way of them. Lance let's the come and go as they please. I do know his team used to be bigger, but now he's down two bounty hunters"  
Shaking his head, Shiro leaned back in his chair  
"I can't picture it"  
"You should. He's pretty well known out that way. I wouldn't mention anything about Erathus to him though..."  
"It didn't end well?"  
"Shiro, they tried to kill him more than once. Now he's being accused of all the disappearances out near Ghazex. They put a fucking bounty on his head. So no. It didn't end well"  
Looking to his hands, Shiro was about to impart some "wisdom" he didn't want  
"Keith..."  
"Don't Shiro"  
"If Erathus is that dangerous, maybe..."  
"Don't. Involving the Atlas will only make it worse"  
"You don't know that for sure"  
"You can't go to war over one person. It's the same with the Blades. It'll be seen as Earth and Daibazaal sticking their nose in. I wanted to. Believe me, but he wants to do this his own way"  
"Then he's not going to be too happy. Your mother's coming to discuss strategy over the prison moon"  
"It wasn't a prison moon. It was a satellite. The Atlas is too big to take in. Not just because of the asteroids, but the magnetic fields too"  
"We've already decided to move against it. Whether we have his permission or not"  
"He's not going to be happy"  
"I can't afford to think of his happiness. These disappearances need to stop"  
"Shiro..."  
"Keith. I saw those photos. People are being butchered. We cannot allow this to continue"  
"Maybe some of them deserved it"  
Mumbling bitterly, Shiro definitely heard him, his adoptive brother looked less than thrilled that Keith was suddenly pro-murder. The half-Galra was so close to telling Shiro everything. It was right there on the tip of his tongue. Shiro was making all these plans when Lance was the one who'd been out there aware of all it far longer than the pair of them  
"I'm just saying, tread carefully. They fucking broke him, and I'm sorry but I don't know if I can forgive you if you send him back to where he was"  
"Do you really think I would?"  
"Not on purpose. But if he tries to kill himself again, I will never speak to you again"

Leaving the conversation on such a bitter tone didn't sit well with Keith. He loved Shiro, and he'd left things up to Shiro's discretion, but not including Lance while making plans... it wasn't just wrong morally. Lance was a brilliant strategist when he wanted to be. His questions weren't just dumb and pointless, even if he made it sound that way so whoever was listening would come to the conclusion he already had under their own steam. The Atlas didn't own space. Daibazaal was still on shaky ground on that respect. A show of force could be interrupted as the empire trying to rise again. Why couldn't Shiro understand that? Keith didn't want people ending up cut into pieces like a grotesque jigsaw. Not at all. It was the whole powerlessness of the situation that was getting to him. He was acting too emotionally over Lance. Which wasn't a big shock. Not like finding out he'd been moved out. 

Shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans, Keith stalked from the dining room. He didn't know where he was going, only that he didn't want to see Lance's stupid face or Shiro's concern. He really should have expected better than to think he could walk away feeling so quiznak when there were two empaths in the room  
"Keith!"  
Hearing Daehra call, Keith kept walking. If Lance had another message for him, he could tell himself. Listening as her pace turned to a walking-jog, Daehra caught up him  
"Keith. Please, can we speak?"  
"Did Lance ask you deliver another message?"  
"No. No. It is about him though"  
Of course, it bloody was  
"What is it, Daehra?"  
"Please, will you stop. I do not like this between both of you"  
Stopping as requested, Keith turned in Daehra  
"You think I do? I don't even know what the hell I did wrong"  
"You did not do anything wrong per se. Other than ignore Lance once your team arrived"  
Shaking his head, Keith wasn't having it all pinned on him  
"I didn't ignore him. I tried to include him at dinner"  
"What about before dinner? And after dinner? You know of his fears and yes, I do understand you were happy to be reunited with your team, but think about when you came to us. You were on the outside. You did not understand our jokes and ways. Lance suffered at the hands of the Galra and while he does not hold that against your race, he was quite scared. I could feel the panic on him, though he tried to hide it. Your Acxa was watching him quite closely, while your Ezor teased him, yet you said nothing. He is quite sure you mean to return to them, given how happy you were to be with them again. I feel his emotions Keith, and he feels that you would prefer them to him. Like with your Shiro. I know Lance pulled his arm away, but he was barely keeping down one of you attack panics when we landed. He is scared. That is why he tried to keep his mask on. He does not know how to interact with these friends and family. He wanted his pills. It has been quintants since he asked. He chose to go off them because of what you mean to him, now he is in that room without you"

Keith let Daehra's words sink in. He hadn't even realised he'd turned all his attention to his old team. He knew how they could be, and was trying to keep the situation under control. He didn't think about Lance's anxieties over having part Galra aboard because Lance was so ok with having him close. Plus, Zethrid had thought it funny to fire at the Telula...  
"Keith. I do not tell you this to hurt you. You two have been working so hard to communicate, and Lance feels he has no right to now that you are back where you came from. I am simply scared that he'll fall back into numbing himself. When his two sisters came, he wanted to run, and he still he faced them. I am not sure if he was even aware of the extent his emotions were flooding from him. It was so strong that Lucteal acted because Lance perceived them as a threat. He feels inferior to your Shiro. He described it as being back in Voltron"  
"I can't just walk back in there"  
"You can"  
"I don't know what I should do"  
"Be there"  
"He doesn't want anyone knowing anything about what happened between us"  
"Then be his friend"  
"I don't know what to say... I don't know his family that well"  
"So you feel as he did, on the outside?"  
She got him there. Taking a deep breath, he released it slowly  
"When did you get so wise?"  
Laughing Daehra nodded  
"That is twice today I have heard it. He says you and Shiro are on the same wavelength, but I feel it is more like you two are of the same mind. You are both idiots, and both my friends"  
"You know, I think Lance really shouldn't be teaching you to talk like that"  
"Maybe. Maybe not. Someone has to be the wise one between the two of you. Now come. I am finding the conversation most fascinating"  
What Daehra found interesting was mostly likely fuelling Lance's anxieties  
"Are they picking on him?"  
"A little. He is not ready to open up to them, and his mother has told many stories of young Lance"  
Lance wouldn't be loving that. Trying to seem the confident space pilot didn't hold up well against a mother's embarrassing stories...  
"No wonder he's upset. He doesn't handle embarrassment very well"  
"No, he does not. Though he does not grow as flustered as you do"  
"That's not my fault. Lance would say I'm socially awkward"  
"Both of you and your excuses. Honestly. It is tiring. Now quit stalling, Mullet"  
Gaping at Daehra, Keith was going to kill Lance  
"That's it. He's banned from teaching you English. Banned"  
"I am sorry. Lance is my commander, not you"  
First, she called him "Mullet" then she sasses him. Daehra was spending far too much time with Lance.

*  
Ignored at dinner by Lance, Keith had tried to talk to him. He tried to talk to him when they all separated from the dining area. He'd tried to talk to him before they all came together at dinner. It'd been chaotic. Almost like that night on the castle before it'd dissolved into a food fight... without the food fight. Everyone was trying to catch up with everyone else. Lance introduced Zak to Pidge by slandering some tech that had them both jumping down his throat before realising their arguments were completely different and turning on each other. Then Matt and his girlfriend got involved... followed by Hunk... When he'd tried to sit near Lance at dinner, he was pulled away by Curtis to sit with him and Shiro. The Lance had left almost as soon as dinner was done, having barely eaten anything at all.

With that invisible wall up between them, and Lance running away, desperate times called for desperate measures... with a little bit of help from Kosmo. Messaging Daehra, Daehra let him know Lance was back in the room Shiro had assigned him. First, he tried sending Kosmo in, standing slightly down the hall, he watched Lance wrestle Kosmo out his room. So he sent him in again, only for the same thing to happen. The third time Lance seemed livid with the wolf, Kosmo whining pathetically in a way that would normally have Lance showering him with affection. With his first plan failing, Keith called Kosmo to his side, praising his wolf for doing what he'd wanted, despite Lance not keeping to his end of the plan. If Lance was going to be a little shit, Keith could play that game.

And that was how he ended up in the Atlas's air vents. With no access in the corridor that Lance's room connected to, Keith was forced to go the long way. He could have had Kosmo teleport him in, but he wanted to show Lance he was actually sorry. He wanted to make the effort... even if the effort involved sneaking around on Shiro's ship. He hadn't made it far before his comms started beeping. Already feeling stalkerish enough, he didn't need someone reporting a strange beeping and clanging from the vent above his room. Detangling himself, Keith accepted the call, Shiro's expression wasn't too happy  
"Keith. Why are you in the air vent of my ship?"  
"Hey, Shiro. I can't really talk at the moment..."  
"Keith... What did you do?"  
"I may have upset Lance by accident and he may or may not be talking to me?"  
"So you're in the vents because..."  
"Because I want to talk to Lance and he's not talking to me"  
Groaning, Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose  
"You couldn't knock on his door?"  
"I tried sending Kosmo in, and Lance just kicked him out..."  
"That doesn't answer the question Keith"  
"Look. You do what you do. I'm just going to climb over to Lance's room and drop in for a quick visit"  
"If he doesn't want to talk to you..."  
"It doesn't work like that. Ok. You have no idea what you're talking about. I messed up. I need to show him that I know that"  
"I don't think you climbing through the air ducts is what he would want"  
"I don't care about what he wants. Now, I'm going back to borrowing your vents. I feel like a stalker as it is"  
"You are a stalker. Don't let me catch you in the vents again. And I expect you and Lance both on time for breakfast tomorrow"  
"You worry about walking down to breakfast tomorrow. Don't think I didn't see the looks you two were giving each other"  
"Alright. Message received. I'll stay out of your love life"  
"That'll make a first. Now, I have some very dusty vents to acquaint myself with"  
Ending the call, Keith cursed whoever was listening. Couldn't a guy do something romantic, not at all creepy or stalkerish, for his not-boyfriend, without his adopted brother getting testy about him being in his ship's vents?

Seeing things he didn't want to think about, Keith finally made it to Lance's room. Sitting on his bed, Lance was staring out his window, completely oblivious to Keith spying down on him as he tried to work his way through the four bolts. Shiro could have at least warned him about the bolts. He'd come so far, and now four shitty bolts weren't going to stop him. He really would have been screwed if the grates had been welded in place... 

Working the bolts took longer than he thought he would. Lance catching the sounds of dropping bolts as he looked up to the vent in fear. Getting up, Keith felt pretty foolish as Lance moved to stare up at him  
"Uh, hi?"  
"What... why... nope. Nope"  
Walking back over to his bed, Lance turned his back on him  
"Lance..."  
"I don't want to know what you're doing"  
"I'm trying to talk to you"  
"Really? I thought you were stuck in the air vent"  
"I'm not stuck. I'm just not executing this plan as smoothly as I thought I would"  
"Right. Well, you can back yourself up and go away"  
"Lance..."  
"I don't want to hear it Keith"  
Pushing against the vent grate, it didn't move  
"Look. I just want to talk"  
"Sure you do"  
"I'm serious. I want to talk to you"  
"And you didn't think about maybe knocking?"  
"Would you have answered?"  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"It means you haven't talked to me since my old team showed up"  
"Oh. That. Whatever..."  
"Lance, I'm trying to apologise to you"  
"Thanks. You can go now"  
The quiznakking vent cover wouldn't move. Climbing up closer to put more weight on it, one tick he was pushing against it, the next he was on his back staring up at Lance's ceiling, feeling slightly confused over what had happened in between.

"What the hell!? You can't just break into my room!"  
Keith was going to be feeling this tomorrow. His body protesting as he climbed up off the floor  
"I can when you're not talking to me"  
"Get out!"  
"Lance..."  
"Get out and go back to your team, Keith!"  
"Why are you yelling at me?!"  
"Because you made things clear!"  
"I didn't do anything on purpose!"  
"Right. You didn't purposely ignore me. You didn't purposely exclude me. I get it. You don't have to apologise for enjoying the company of other people. You can leave, Keith. I'm not upset"  
"If you weren't upset over it, you wouldn't be so mad at me right now"  
"God. Not everything is about you"

Curling into the corner of his bed, Lance wasn't shutting him out. The little shit might be mad at him, but with how much had happened that day, there was probably a lot Lance needed to work out. Neither of them expected Lance's family to be there. Dinner had been too noisy to catch up. It would make some kind of twisted sense if Lance was feeling even lonelier than when he was on the Telula.

Walking over to Lance's bed, Keith sat on the edge, hovering for a moment before shifting to reach for Lance. Resisting his hold, Lance's body began to tremble until Keith finally managed to coax him into his lap  
"You didn't do anything wrong..."  
"I did and I didn't even realise it... I didn't mean to ignore you. I didn't even realise that I'd hurt you. Until I talked to Daehra, I thought... I don't know, that you didn't want me around anymore. You packed up and moved all my stuff out... I... thought that you'd changed your mind and wanted me gone. I was mad at you for not even trying, but you couldn't try because I didn't give you a chance"  
"I'm sorry..."  
"Lance..."  
Lance's breathing hitched, the Cuban climbing out his lap to stride across the room, starting to pace  
"I can't... ok. I don't know what to do... they weren't supposed to be here. I didn't know my family was going to be here. I don't know what to tell them. I couldn't even look at the others. Mum knows something's wrong. Marco and Papi kept looking at me like I wasn't right. Rachel is being a bitch, but that's just her. Veronica kept trying to pry. I can't... I can't deal with that and with you. You didn't talk to me at all about your old team. I know Zethrid is loud and Ezor is annoying as hell when she gets in a mood... and every single time everyone looks at me, I feel like shit... like they fucking know I'm dirty"  
Crumpling onto his knees, Lance buried his face in his hands  
"I don't want to go back... but I really can't fucking handle this... I can't... I can't take my pills... and I can't bring my doses up here. I don't want to remember... I want to go... No one wants me here. Pidge... she looked at me like... She asked me where my marks were, so I panicked and set Zak on her. Hunk... he didn't even ask... He just asked how work was and said he saw that my old boss had died... Shiro... He keeps looking at me like he knows... Like he can see right through me. When he talks to me... I feel like I haven't moved from being the useless Red Paladin... ugh... ugh..."

When Lance started gagging, Keith rushed to help him into the bathroom. Rubbing his back as he gagged, Keith nuzzled into Lance's hair, the pair of them a tangle of limbs from Keith's haste to get Lance into the bathroom. Hushing the Cuban softly, he rocked Lance until he started to calm. One had forced to over Lance's arm as he tried to scratch. Since starting to detox, Lance's scratching had gone worse due to his irritated skin  
"You haven't gone backwards... You haven't. No one knows what you've been through... mum's got the video, but it's edited. Shiro knows someone hurt you, but I never said what they did to you... I never told him that..."  
"I was... it hurt to be outside... I was mad at you but more mad at me. I don't know what we are to each other. Like... to other people... I didn't want the others to find your things. Ezor likes to snoop..."  
"You were worried about what they'd say?"  
"To you. I don't know what to do now. How do I keep my head up when I'm this?"  
"You're more than you think you are, you idiot. I don't go crawling through vents for anyone and everyone"  
Sighing softly, Lance nuzzled against his chest  
"I know. I'm sorry I ignored you. I couldn't cope with everything at once. I thought if you wanted to leave if it'd be easier"  
"I keep telling you I'm not leaving"  
"I know... you seemed so happy though. If you want to go, I get it"  
"I don't want to go. I swear Shiro didn't tell me he invited your family. I don't know if he's said anything to them..."  
"Mami would have said if he had. It's so stupid. I have my own team..."  
"It's not stupid. Do you want to head back to the Telula? You feel safer there, don't you?"  
"I don't feel safe anywhere on the Atlas... I feel like I shouldn't be here"  
"You have as much right as anyone does to be here. Your sister works here. Your family is here"  
"But they don't understand"  
"They can't because they don't know. I'm not going to force you to tell them"  
"I can't"  
"I know. You're doing well. You didn't have a panic attack in front of them. You didn't jump or scream when someone touched you..."  
"It didn't feel good. Mami's hug... it didn't feel like I remember"

With the door of the shower pressing into his back, the position wasn't very comfortable  
"You're not used to being held by someone other than me, or Daehra. There's nothing wrong with your mother's hugs"  
Lance sniffled and coughed, his voice dripping with guilt as he mumbled out  
"I thought it'd feel nice. I thought when I was ready I'd go back to Earth, she'd be waiting on the front step of the house, waiting for me... She'd open her arms and she'd feel so warm as he called her "her baby boy". They were always so warm. It didn't feel warm... I don't feel warm"  
Rubbing Lance's arm, he did feel pretty cold beneath his fingers  
"They'll feel good again. I know how much your family means to you. Let's get you up and into bed?"  
"I don't want to sleep"  
"We can train? We can explore the whole Atlas, if you want to?"  
"I can't. I didn't... let's just say you reminded me people can fit through air vents around here"  
Lance didn't need something else to be paranoid over. Anxiety fed on paranoia, or paranoia fed on anxiety. Keith was no expert. He could only make conclusions over what he'd seen. Lance was still detoxing, still struggling. He didn't need added stress or fears  
"I don't think anyone much bigger than me could. It was a pretty tight squeeze"  
"But they can still get through..."  
His grand romantic gesture of the vent was now back firing  
"Ok. I'm going to make the call. I know you don't want to head all the way back to the Telula. And you've come so far, so far, babe. But you need rest. Proper rest. We're going back to the Telula. You can take your dose down there"  
"I don't think I can sleep. My head won't shut up"  
"I'm not asking you to sleep, I'm asking you to rest. Tomorrow is going to be much of the same again. Everyone loud and everywhere. Plus the actual party. Did you hear Hunk say it was going to be a sit-down dinner?"  
"No. It was awkward"

Quiznakking hell. When was Lance going to get a break? Maybe he needed to arrange a Paladin only lunch? Let Lance see that the others didn't hate him, didn't find him dirty, and had missed him. He could kind of see how Lance trying to reach out might be missed in the chaos. Not that that made it ok. Lance wasn't as loud or boisterous as he'd once been. He wouldn't cut in in a conversation unless it was to defend someone  
"He did. It's semi-formal. You can wear one of those new outfits? Put some makeup on your cheeks?"  
"You sound like me. I must be bad"  
"No. Coming back to being around so many people... it was a lot. Even I wanted to grab you and take off as soon as possible"  
"Don't tease me like that man. I was thinking of handing my arse over to Erathus and letting them deal with instead. I actually feel like it will be easier"  
Clutching Lance tightly, Keith never wanted to let him go. Even with his scent being so pungent  
"Don't you dare even joke about that. I can't lose you, Lance"  
"I'm doing the best I can"  
"I know. I know you are. Nothing makes me prouder. Now, this shower door isn't that comfortable and the floor is pretty cold. Let's head down, back to our bed"  
"Yeah... I like the sound of that"


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 26  
> 27  
> 28  
> All done... not gonna lie... I took major liberties with 27 so he prepared...

Lance didn't sleep well. His mind wouldn't let him rest, racing and supplying him with nightmares when he did finally fall asleep. Feeling flatter than a witch with a house on her, he let Keith fuss over him. Leaving all decisions to his not boyfriend, down to how much makeup they should use on his cheeks. Lance was happy with only a little, but Keith insisted he needed more to sell the lie, leaving small deposits to crumble on the edges were it dried unevenly. Normally Lance prided himself on his appearance, he tried to once again when the drugs had stabilised in his system, so it irritated him each time he caught the slightest glance of the caking. The compromise over the bad makeup was that he was allowed to wear a bodysuit under his normal clothes. He felt better than way, safer, Keith insisted that he didn't need it, yet he felt too exposed without it on. Keith caving without a fight when it came to his mental health. It irritated him how easily Keith had gotten through to him once he'd explained what had happened... but Keith had a way about him. A stupid loved up stalkerish way that Lance secretly loved in his own way.

Walking through the Atlas, things seemed peaceful. There was no clunk or hum of the engines. No one yelling at each other. No one fighting over the bathroom. It felt cold. Peaceful but cold. Yep. That was the only way Lance could describe it. Thankful that Keith was walking beside him, it made the grey walls all that more manageable. He really didn't need to have a panic attack over the colour of the walls before they even reached everyone else. His heart was already pounding like crazy as it was. Reaching the doorway to the dining area, his steps stalled, Keith's hand brushing against his  
"It's going to be ok"  
"I know. Nerves and all that"  
"If it counts, I'm pretty nervous too..."  
Lance wanted to tease him. He would have if Keith hadn't genuinely cared about him. He could smell it on Keith. This morning smelt so much clearer than the others, or maybe it was because the Atlas didn't smell like anything in particular. Not like the Telula did. Remembering in the tick of time, Lance stopped himself from kissing Keith's cheek. The Atlas had cameras everywhere. As it was, someone on staff might be able to read lips, which would complicate things if people started asking questions. They were friends. The others knew Lance as an intimate person, him touching Keith wouldn't be too odd. Lance wasn't in a good enough mental state to confidently tell Keith he was ready to announce it or make it official.

Walking into the dining area, everyone had seemed to break off into their own little groups. MFE pilots at one. Pidge was having breakfast with her family. Shiro nursing his coffee as he talked with Coran and Curtis. Hunk's family was talking with Shay's. His family were huddled together on one table, and his team on the other. How was he supposed to choose? His team didn't know anyone, but at the same time, his family had come all this way  
"I'll grab us breakfast. Why don't you sit with the team? They all look a little lost"  
"Thanks. I hope everyone's been nice to them. We were only staying a few quintants... I don't want there to be a fight"  
"Yeah. Ok, go on"

"Lance! I was worried"  
Sitting himself down beside Lucteal, Lance gave a strained smile at him and Daehra  
"Sorry guys. I had to stop by my girl this morning to get some clothes. Did you guys eat?"  
Leaning past her brother, Daehra nodded  
"Your Hunk insisted on cooking for us. His food is very nice"  
"Oh, so you met Hunk?"  
"We met him last night. He made us Earth pancakes with sureeep. I have never tried anything like them before"  
"Hunk is an amazing cook. You know those herbs you brought with you, Pidge's mother will be able to grow some for Hunk. To help make your pancakes and syrup. I know I let you guys down last night, but things are going to be better today"

Daehra nodded quickly, a blush on her cheeks. This all had to be surreal for his team, meeting the famous Voltron and staying on the famous Atlas. Even if he was slightly scared, he was so damn proud of his team. Anyone who said they didn't belong here deserved to be punched in the face. It was thanks to the galactic war that they'd all been dishomed, to begin with. They'd all fought and survived without the help of Voltron and the Lions  
"Deahra, do you want to meet her?"  
"What?!"  
Lucteal elbowed his sister at her loud cry. Lance nodding his head as he grew slightly more confident about his question. Everyone was in small groups, all doing their own thing. Just because he was chicken shit, didn't mean she should have to suffer  
"Right now. She's just there, and she's pretty nice"  
"But I..."  
"But nothing, Dae. You're amazing with herbs and you know... even if she doesn't have time, she'll know who you are"  
"Leandro..."  
"You're amazing Dae. I like trust you with my life. Come on"  
"But..."  
"Nope. I know I really dropped the ball yesterday. I should have checked you were alright last night, and I should have been here for you before breakfast. Please let me make it up to you"  
"Leandro..."  
"Good. It's settled. Lucteal, are you coming?"  
Lucteal shook his head, casting a glance over to the MFE pilots table  
"That one over there with the obnoxious hair. I want to hit him"  
Following Lucteal's lead, Lance snorted to himself  
"That's James. He always goes after Keith. But yes, he's obnoxious as hell"  
"Can I shoot him? He keeps looking this way"  
"You can't shoot him. Apparently, Earth needs him... but I have another idea. Let me introduce Dae first, then we'll go from there"

Slinging an arm around Daehra's shoulders, as Lance would have, he led Daehra over to the Holts. Flicking Pidge on the ear, the green gremlin had been too absorbed in her tech to hear him approaching  
"What the quiznak?! Oh... Hey, Lance"  
"Hey, Pigeon. What are you working on?"  
"Your friend over there insinuated my coding wasn't up to scratch..."  
"That would be Zak. Not to brag, buuuut..."  
"Lance you better not finish that sentence, or I will fight you"  
"Ooooh. Someone needs her morning coffee"  
"No. I just need you to shut up"  
"Katie Holt! That is not how we talk to friends"  
Pouting at her mother, Pidge went back to her laptop  
"It is when it's Lance"  
Reaching over, Colleen took Pidge's laptop from her. Pidge trying to grab it back while her mother ignored her  
"It's nice to see you, Lance. You look good"  
At least someone was happy to see him  
"Thanks. I know I'm interrupting your breakfast, but I have someone I really want you to meet. This is my girl Daehra. She's my team's medic, with a huge interest in plants and botany. When I told her of your research, she was in awe. Her medicinal herbs are the best in the sectors we work"  
Colleen looked Daehra up and down, her smile growing  
"I can never say no to a young botanist. Why don't you bring some of your herbs down to my lab and we'll go over them together"  
Daehra blushed hard  
"Thank you very much. I'm not very good..."  
"Dae, you're amazing. You should know that by now. Thank you so much. And Pidge his name is Zak. He's absolutely crazy about tech. You should talk to him about the AI he's building. He's instilled it with layer learning. I know you've been working on your own projects, but you never know..."  
"If he's friends with you, then he's probably a weird"  
Poking his tongue out, Lance reached out and ruffled Pidge's hair  
"Then you'll get on perfectly. We'll leave you to it. Thanks so much"  
Daehra gave a half bow  
"Thank you"

Leading Daehra back to the table, Lucteal had moved down a seat so Lance could sit between him and Keith, with Daehra on Keith's other side. Placing down a plate of pancakes, Keith nudged him with his shoulder as Lance sat  
"What was that about?"  
"I wanted to introduce Daehra to Colleen"  
"How'd it go?"  
"She wants Dae to go by her lab with her herbs later"  
"Good job, Daehra. I'm sure you'll learn a lot from her"  
"Thank you... I was nervous when Pidge told Le-Lance to be quiet"  
Keith's expression turned hard. Lance didn't need Keith feeding his anxiety by being protective  
"She did?"  
"Don't go there. Its Pidge and you know how she is when she's on her laptop"  
"Ohhh... you disturbed the great Pigeon?"  
Keith's face relaxed, a smile on his lips as he teased him gently. Sighing exaggeratedly, Lance tried to look grave  
"I did. Her mother even scolded her"  
"Oh no"  
"Oh yes. It would seem that Zak wounded her pride last night"  
"Dammit Zak"  
"Eh, they're both nerds. Did you see Hunk?"  
Prying into Hunk's life through Keith was the best he could hope for right now  
"Oh. Yeah. We're going to have a Paladin lunch. To catch up and stuff. Man, he's so nervous. Shay knows something is going on, and he's sure she knows what"  
Lance's knife slipped as he went to slice through his pancake, syrup smearing on his fingers. It would just like him to klutz up right now  
"I wouldn't be surprised Shay is pretty smart"  
"I thought Shiro would be engaged to Curtis before Hunk got engaged to Shay"  
"Nah. Adam was Curtis's brother. It doesn't matter how long you know a person, there's still a difference between going from friends to lovers"  
Slumping down slightly in his seat, Keith rubbed his knee against Lance's. The half-Galra was a damn menace  
"That's true. Do you have any plans for today?"  
Plans? Not having a panic attack was his plan  
"Leandro said he may be able to arrange for me to hit that James"

Choking on his pancake, Keith looked to him with watery eyes  
"What?"  
"James has been side-eyeing my team this morning. I might not be up for sparring, but if he wants to try taking my team on, he's gotta be prepared to have his arse kicked"  
"Lance..."  
"Relax, Mullet. I was thinking of showing Lucteal to the training room, after helping Daehra with her herbs. Pidge is going to get curious over Zak, and the others... I'm not sure what they want to do"  
"Why don't I show Lucteal to the training room, while you help Daehra with her herbs?"  
After yesterday's stellar performance, Lance didn't really want to separate from Keith's side. He still felt guilty that his family was over there having breakfast without him. Then again, they saw Veronica even less than they saw him. He was alive. That was all that mattered to them. Keith told him he was strong, so he had to be for him  
"Yeah. Divide and conquer?"  
"Mhmm. Oh quiznak... Mum's coming today"  
Lance deflated a little. He didn't know how to look Krolia in the eyes  
"Don't be like that. Mum knows what you mean to me"  
"You should be hanging out with your mum..."  
"I don't know what time she'll be arriving. I'll message her to meet us wherever we are... She's going to be happy to see you"  
"She might not be when you fill her in on everything"  
"Babe, she knows most of what happened. I mean... she knows I made my choice to be with you. And that I'm staying with you"  
"She's your mum..."  
"That has a whole planet to rule. Besides, if she arrived while we're trying, she's not likely to back down from a fight"  
Lance groaned. Lucteal wasn't ready for Krolia training  
"Make sure she goes easy on my team. I like them and would like for them to stay in one piece"  
"Mum won't be that bad"  
They both knew otherwise... Or at least Lance did. Krolia scared him, even when it came to light sparring  
"You say that now"  
"Oh shut up and eat your breakfast already"  
Sighing heavily, Lance stabbed at his pancakes with his fork. Lucteal was strong... hopefully, with Keith watching, nothing would go wrong  
"Yes, Keith"

*  
Dropping Daehra off at Colleen's lab, Lance was feeling pretty good about it. When Daehra hadn't known what to bring, he'd suggested samples of her pills and the herbs she used to make them. Promising to let him know when they were done, Lance half wanted to stay and watch, to protect Daehra if anything was to happen. Instead, he nodded at her promise and wished her well as he started through the Atlas and up to the training room. Part of him was mentally laughing at the fact Shiro hadn't wanted anyone walking around his ship unescorted, and there he was doing just that.

Walking into the training room, Lance wasn't expecting Keith and James to be sparring. Lucteal watching on, actually cheering for Keith. Jogging the few steps to Lucteal's side, Lance looked to his second in command  
"What's going on?"  
"That James. He implied that our team was unworthy. Keith stepped up to say he was part of our team. This happened"  
Great. James and Keith... they had a complicated history  
"Did you get to hit him?"  
"Not yet"  
Lucteal sounded bitter, but not as bitter as Lance was. James was a dick, and he couldn't understand why he kept going after Keith. Lucteal had his reasons... So did that mean James liked Keith? The thought was laughable. Keith could castrate James in the blink of an eye if he so chose. Sitting on the sidelines, Kinkade was filming everything as he provided a running commentary with Rizavi's assistance. Watching as the fight slowly grew towards becoming a brawl, Lance wasn't having it. Keith had a reputation to uphold, while Lance was a lowly bounty hunter  
"Keith, swap out with me"

Catching James's fist, Keith stepped back with a scowl  
"I've got this"  
"If James has a problem with my team, it is up to me as their commander to step up. Provided he has the balls to throw down properly"  
Letting out a low whistle, Kinkade looked over his camera. Cupping her hands around her mouth, Rizavi called out  
"You going to let him talk to you like that, Griffin?!"  
Scoffing, James broke his stance to run a hand through his hair  
"Hey, if he wants a piece of this, I'm right here"  
Glaring, Keith strode towards Lance  
"What are you doing?"  
"He insulted my team"  
"I was handling it"  
"You looked as if you were about to murder him"  
"He had it coming"  
Patting Keith on the shoulder, the half-Galra still looked annoyed  
"You can beat him up as much as you want after I do"  
Taking a few steps towards James, Lance rolled his neck. He hadn't thrown down for fun with Keith out of fear, but James was a dick and the Atlas had its own pod... squaring his shoulders, he was nearly at James when Keith called out to him  
"Lance, weapons?"  
Oh. Right. He forgot about that tiny detail... Kneeling down he took his knife from his right boot and slipped out the blade hidden up his sleeve. Turning, he threw both to Keith with a wink  
"I forgot about that. Don't want to accidentally stab him"  
Keith's smirk said otherwise  
"Kick his arse"  
"You know it"

*  
Keith was on edge as Lance stood in front of James. The MFE shit head had decided to mock his "life choices" over following some like Lance. Though not an active Paladin, the MFE pilots all had basic hand to hand training, and they all had years of experience surviving after Earth had been invaded. Keith had made the mistake of saying "Let's see how good you are at sparring", whereas Lance had said they were going to "throw down". His fight with James was expected to be light, despite his anger at the man causing him to snap. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Lance shook out his hands before balling them into fists. James laughed as he dropped into stance  
"From what I remember, you weren't that great at hand to hand"  
"I'm surprised you can remember anything with that ego of yours"  
Letting out a long "oooooh", Rizavi was seriously enjoying this. None of them realised how much of a transformation Lance had made while fighting for his life  
"Why'd you even come back? Weren't you enjoying your life as a simple farmer?"  
"Had to come back because dick's like you can't do their jobs"  
Lance was keeping his tone light, almost joking. Or it would have been if not for the look in his eyes  
"From what I hear, you called Keith in to clean up your mess"  
Lance shrugged, Keith enjoying this confident side to his not-boyfriend, even if it was all a show  
"Actually, he came to me. Seems your little crew wasn't going to cut it. Don't hold back"

James was learning the hard way that there was more to Lance than met the eye. Lance openly laughing at James's attempts to bring him down. The angrier James got, the sloppier his moves were. Lance able to block and dodge, his movements a thousand times better than when he'd been a Paladin. Kicking out James's knee, the MFE pilot went down hard, the look in Lance's eye turning deadly as he pinned him in a headlock, and locked his leg with his. James had no idea he was ticks away from dying  
"What the hell is going on here?"

Releasing James, Lance wiped his brow before holding his hands up to surrender to the fun police that was Shiro. Taking James by the arm, Rizavi began leading him away, Griffin jogging after the pair. The three of them smart enough to know when to run from a scolding Shiro  
"We're sparring"  
"Do I want to know how it started?"  
Lance opened his mouth, but Keith cut in  
"James was being a dick. Went after me again, then insulted Lance. It was all in fun. You know if we wanted him dead, he would be"  
"It's funny, I'm looking at Lance and I'm hearing Keith's voice"  
Dropping his hands, Lance shook his head. His voice holding no confidence as he replied  
"Shiro, it was all fun and games. The only thing James got out of it was knocked down a few pegs"  
"I didn't think the pair of you were the type to bully someone to make yourselves feel better"  
Keith saw red, Shiro might have raised an eyebrow and intentionally baited him to see what his reply was, but when you love someone with PTSD and have started learning their triggers, the fear of them being hurt by a careless comment was always there. Lance wouldn't be able to hear the joke. And yeah, James was under Shiro's fucking command, but he knew the kid was a total jerk. Seething, he wanted to smack his stupid brother  
"That wasn't what happened at all. James was starting trouble, so I suggested we spar. We swapped out to Lance when Lance arrived from dropping Daehra off with Pidge's mum. This isn't the Garrison Shiro. We might have let things go, but even after he apologised, he still went out of his way to cause trouble. He has no right to bad mouth Lance or his team. They're your fucking guests"

Coming up behind him, Lance put his hand on Keith's shoulder  
"Keith, calm down. Unlike James, I'm replaceable. He's a MFE pilot, and those ships cost a lot to build. I'm just a bounty hunter who can't even do that anymore"  
Shiro looked as if he was going to interject, but Keith really wasn't having it. Sure, Lance looked ready to kill James, but before Shiro interrupted, Keith was ready to step in  
"Goddamn it, Lance! You are not replaceable! And you didn't do anything wrong. James threw down as hard as he could. It's not your fault he's not that great"  
Shaking his head, Lance squeezed Keith's shoulder  
"Keith, it's not worth fighting over. Let's just train..."  
"Lance, I swear to quiznak..."  
Raising his hand, Keith shoved Lance's hand off his shoulder. Realising what he'd done, his hand hovered there  
"Lance"  
"Forget it"  
Pain filled Lance's blue eyes  
"Lance..."  
"Forget it, Keith. I don't belong here. No matter what you say. Sorry, Shiro, we'll be off your ship tomorrow. I promise to stay out of your way"

Striding towards the door, Shiro called out to Lance as Lucteal moved to follow the Cuban  
"Lance. That's not what I meant..."  
Ignoring Shiro, Lance disappeared  
"... why can I never seem to say the right thing to him?"  
Shiro seemed genuinely troubled. Keith forcing down his anger at his brother  
"When you were tortured, did Lance ever treat you any differently?"  
Crossing his arms, Shiro went on the defensive  
"No. What does that have to do with anything?"  
"I've been watching everyone. Pidge this morning. Her parents. You now. You all look at him with pity. I know none of us knew what to do when Allura died. We all knew it was hard for him, but we were there. She's been gone for over a year now. It's time everyone treated Lance like he is Lance. He doesn't want our pity. He doesn't need our pity. He didn't treat you any differently after you were tortured, if anything he held more respect for you. For surviving everything you went through. Don't treat him any differently than you used to. He hasn't changed who he is inside"  
"I know that. I guess... I understand what you said when you first reached out to him. How he felt like a stranger. He's grown so much. When I saw him with James... I was sure he was going to hurt him"  
Even if Lance had, James would have deserved it. Though it would have torn Lance apart at a later date  
"He's still Lance. Like you have Allura's crystal in your arm to keep your body stable, Lance carries part of Allura quintessence to keep his body stable. Stop making excuses and talk to him like nothing happened"  
"I'll go find him"  
"Good. Make sure you apologise for being an arse. He was up all night with nightmares. His nerves are shot and he could really use someone who knows what he's been through to be there for him. If he won't talk to you, leave it and I'll talk to him"  
"You understand him, don't you?"  
"Lance is easy to understand. All he wants to forget the bad things in the past and move forward. Like we all do"

*  
Sitting at the command table of the Telula, Lance wasn't sure what his next step was. He'd nearly lost control fighting James. He'd intentionally provoked him due to the fact his stupid brain started whispering that maybe there was some truth to him liking Keith... and he couldn't lose Keith to the likes of James. When he'd put him in the headlock, he'd made sure James could breathe, but couldn't move. Now all he felt was disgust at taking away someones ability to move like had been done to him. The circumstances might not have been the same, but none the less... He'd enjoyed taking James down a peg. It was as Shiro said, he was a bully.

"Leandro?"  
Following him from the training room, Lucteal had hovered by his side quietly. He didn't need to be an empath to know that Lucteal wasn't happy over how things had played out. He hadn't got to hit James, and now that Shiro had scolded, Lucteal wanted to punch him too  
"What's up?"  
"That Shiro is standing in the hangar"  
Great. He felt sick to his stomach over what had happened. Being scolded by "Space Dad" was nearly as bad as being threatened with his mami pink slipper  
"Who does he think he is..."  
"Lucteal it's ok. Shiro's trying to protect his team. Like how I would protect any of you. I'll go talk to him"  
"He insulted you"  
"It wouldn't be the first time. You should probably stay up here, I don't know what he wants to talk about"  
Lance had nothing to say. He'd made a fool of himself and was now off licking his wounds  
"At least take a blaster"  
"I promise you it'll be ok. Now, try not to hit him if he comes on board"  
"I make no promises"

Walking down the loading ramp of the Telula, Lance eyed Shiro in confusion. Holding both hands up, Shiro was wearing a sad expression  
"I come in peace"  
"I told you that I'd be off the Atlas tomorrow. Lucteal is with me. Keith's with the others, and Daehra is with Pidge's mum. Don't ask me where my family is, you invited them"  
"I deserve that. Look, I didn't mean to run you off. I also didn't mean to make you feel like you weren't welcome here"  
"Really? You accuse my team of being untrustworthy. You look at me like I'm an insect. What do you want from Shiro?"  
"I want to say I'm sorry"  
Hell hath no fury like an angry Lance  
"Well, you said that. I promise my team isn't going to cause a scene. I'm sorry about what happened with James, but I won't stand for my team being insulted"  
"Lance, you know it's regulations that new visitors be escorted"  
"They're not just visitors. They're my family"  
"And what about mine. I have the lives of every single person on this ship to consider"  
"Don't you think I know that?! If it hadn't been for Keith, I probably wouldn't have even come for the party. It's not like my presence would have been missed!"  
"Of course we missed you..."  
"That's bullshit, Shiro. Every time I reached out to any of you, I was ignored. I built my own life out here"  
"Keith told me what happened..."  
Lance let out a bitter laugh, he knew he was being spiteful, but all his anger at being rejected and pushed away from the team came flooding back  
"I bet you enjoyed that. Stupid Lance, taken and tortured. Yeah. I bet you really enjoyed that"  
"No one deserves that. I know, remember. I know what it was like and what it was like to die... and what's it like to lose the one you love. Please Lance, I understand"  
"This isn't about Allura"  
"You cover your marks now..."  
"Don't..."  
"We thought you were happy on Earth"  
"Happy?! My whole family imploded when I came home! No one knew how to talk to me. No one knew how to treat me. Between the nightmares and the PTSD, everything fell to pieces. No matter how many stupid juniper bushes I planted, she never came back. So no. You don't understand Shiro. Allura never loved me like I loved her, and every time you all look at me, all you show is pity. I'm done with that"

Why was he tearing up? He was mad with Shiro. He didn't want to be crying in front of him  
"Lance..."  
"Don't! None of you ever wanted me around. I finally found people who want me for me. And we do good work. I'm proud of... I was proud of the work we do... We help people. Not just those we want alliances with. We don't turn people away because they're "different". Daehra and Lucteal saved my life more than once. I won't go back to being made to feel like nothing"

Shiro crying was a dick move. How was supposed to stay mad at crying Shiro?  
"Lance... I'm sorry we failed you"  
"You didn't fail me. You weren't supposed to know"  
"Why didn't you call? When it happened?"  
Call. He'd called and messaged  
"I tried reaching out. None of you answered my messages. We still had those stupid team calls. No one noticed if I didn't talk. I only took them because of Veronica"  
"And after? After you and Keith went to that outpost? Why didn't you call then?"  
Hissing like an alley cat, Lance took a step back. Crossing his arms, Shiro could keep crying silently  
"Is that what this is about? Because I don't want Daibazaal or the Atlas involved? You don't actually care, do you"  
"Lance... That's not what I meant. I meant, why didn't you call us for back up? We would have come out to help you"  
"I don't need your help"  
"It's too late for that it's an intergalactic issue. People are dying"  
"I know they are, but you don't understand"  
"What's there to understand? I saw the pictures. All we want to do is help"  
Rolling his eyes, Lance was disgusted. The conversation was hurting his head, he could feel the tendrils of a headache coming on  
"Oh, you saw the pictures. Great. Now you know everything. The Atlas can't help"  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
Why couldn't the great and famous Shiro understand? Why wasn't he looking at the bigger picture? When was Shiro going to finally treat him as a man, and not a snot-nose punk  
"It means where I work, people hate Voltron. They have no time for people from Earth. They were all suffering and we helped none of them. People won't take aid from Lance of Voltron, but they will if they can't see my face. They'd rather starve or bleed out. We're not Galactic Heroes. I was tortured over the Red Lion. They wanted it for themselves to secure their power because that whole fucking sector receives fuck all aid. The cops out there are as corrupt as hell. The people we fucking arrested, they're the people chopped to pieces. So tell me how the precious Atlas is going to fix all of that?! You can't bring back the dead. You can't sew them back together. How sending Galra ships out to people still scared shitless of the Galra, is going to make things better? You can't, can you Shiro. My friends were butchered because they know me. I have a 1.5 billion GAC bounty on my head because I wanted to do the right thing. You guys can't help. I should never have listened to Keith..."

"You don't know if we can help unless you sit down and talk with us"  
Lance threw his hands in the air  
"I am talking to you"  
"Lance, I want to help. I want to help you. I've missed you. Hunk has missed you, Coran and Pidge have missed you. Every time we talked you said you were busy with work..."  
"Because everyone wants to hear my stupid struggles. Right. Sure. No. Yeah. I ruined everything"  
"Lance..."  
"You can't fix anything Shiro... you can't fix me"  
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say. You didn't deserve what happened and I swear if I'd know I would have been there for you. It eats me alive to think of you like that. To think we don't care... I do care. You're a good man and a good friend. No matter how busy you were, I should have remembered to answer. I shouldn't have... I should have done a lot of things better"  
Feeling his chest tighten, Lance wanted to curl into a ball and cover his ears. He didn't deserve such sincerity. He was taking all his anger out in Shiro and it wasn't fair. Shaking his head, he wished his tears would stop. He couldn't breathe. He didn't want Shiro to pity him. He didn't want Shiro to know the truth. He wanted to stand before him as an equal. He wanted him to accept him...  
"I... can't..."

Swaying, Shiro rushed to his side. Wrapping his arms around him, Shiro guided him to the floor. Letting out a sob, the hug felt nothing like Keith's. Shiro smelt nothing like Keith. He smelt... like that horrible strawberry cough syrup his mother made him take whenever he had a cold. The aching in his head only growing worse as he cried harder  
"Shhhh... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I didn't know how to talk to you. You grew up right before my eyes, and I missed it..."  
Choking and spluttering, Lance couldn't make his tongue move  
"You're having a panic attack. You need to slow your breathing for me"  
This didn't feel like his usual panic attacks. It felt more like being underwater and being unable to breathe. He didn't know how to come out of these attacks without Keith anymore. The scent was wrong... Keith's scent knew how to calm him, as weird as it sounded  
"S-orry... I...'m... sorry"  
Gasping out the words, they sounded distant to his ears  
"Lance, you need to breathe for me. Here, look at my face. You need to breathe with me... Hey, what are five things you can see?"  
Huh? Everything was too blurry from his tears  
"Ca...n't... K-Keith..."  
"You want me to call Keith?"  
That was close enough...  
"Ok. Hang on, just keep breathing for me. You're ok... You're safe..."

*  
Running through the Atlas, Keith was annoyed that he hadn't stalked Shiro when he'd gone to talk to Lance. He didn't want to be stuck between the two of them. It was his brother and the man he loved. He wanted them to either yell at each other or hit each other... or whatever the quiznak it took for them to reconnect. When Shiro called him, he could hear Lance wheezing in the background, his feet already moving before his mind could comprehend where he was supposed to be going.

Hangar five was in a crap position if anyone cared to ask Keith, not that they had or had any reason to. Set towards the back of the ship, it was little more than extra storage with everything else the Atlas had going on. Kosmo was nowhere in sight, so running through the ship was the only way he was going to get to Lance as fast as possible. Hitting the door to the hangar, he damn near killed himself trying to rush down to the Telula, not expecting to find Shiro cradling Lance in his arms  
"Keith..."  
Slowing down, he rather dramatically threw himself down in front of Lance, pulling him out of Shiro's hold and into his own. Holding Lance's face to his neck, Lance's hands gripped his shirt as Keith nuzzled into his hair  
"Shhh... I'm here, babe. Shhh... Breathe for me. I'm here..."

Repositioning Lance so he was straddling his lap, Keith rubbed his back and rocked him gently  
"What happened?"  
"He told me about the outpost... and called me out on a few things. Half through he started crying, then collapsed"  
"This wasn't what I meant by talking to him"  
Shiro looked as distressed as Lance was, without the panic attack that was  
"We did. He even yelled at me. I can't say I didn't deserve it. I was apologising when he collapsed... He truly thinks we don't want him here or care"  
"I told you that"  
Whimpering, Lance pulled on his shirt  
"I'm sorry, babe. I'm not mad. Shiro's not mad at you... I've got you. Shhhh... just keep breathing for me"  
Nodding, Keith smiled, kissing Lance's hair  
"Thank you..."

Shiro watched on until Lance's breathing slowed. All of his weight falling in Keith's legs as he sat slumped forward  
"Is he...?"  
"He's exhausted..."  
"Are they usually like this?"  
"Would you believe this was one of the easier ones?"  
"Fuck"  
Fuck summed it up alright. At least Shiro hadn't copped a screaming and biting Lance. Keith was quietly jealous that Lance hadn't reacted badly to Shiro's touch and immensely relieved. A sudden attack from Lance could have set Shiro off and he had no idea how to deal with two people having panic attacks  
"Did you try calming him?"  
Shiro nodded  
"5 things you can see. I tried to get him to focus on me and his breathing, but he wanted you"  
"Those 5 things thing doesn't work with him. Breathing works better, but he's really sensitive to touch and smell"  
"You're good with him, "babe""  
Keith felt his face heat up  
"He's not ready for anything official. He wants to work through some more things, and... it's not official, but it is"  
He wasn't giving Lance up to anyone. The way he felt in his arms felt natural. He might not have any dating experience, yet highly doubted that anyone would ever feel as right as Lance did. Nuzzling slightly harder, Lance's breathing had dropped to something resembling a purr  
"Babe, do you want to go back to our room?"  
Nodding limply, Lance had enough brainpower to move his arms up to rest in Keith's shoulders. How much more adorable could Lance be?  
"Do you need help?"  
"No. We've got this down pact. You might as well come on board the Telula. She's Lance's pride and joy"  
"He won't mind?"  
"Lucteal might... did you see him?"  
"I know he was with Lance when he came down here"  
"Then maybe you can open the door or something. Alright, babe. Up we go"

Carrying his sleepy Lance up into the Telula, Lucteal was standing near the top of the ramp looking thoroughly annoyed  
"What's he doing here?"  
"Lance ok'd it"  
"He's the one who upset him"  
"And they talked"  
Glaring at Shiro, Lucteal pointed at him  
"Upset him like that again, and I will shoot you. Should I call back Daehra?"  
"No. He needs to rest. I'm going to take him down to our room"  
"Fine. You are lucky he is forgiving. Lance means a great deal to our people. You would be executed for hurting him"  
Watching Lucteal mouth at Shiro was hilarious. Shiro had no idea about Lucteal's skills or lack of skills. Shiro could totally take him. Nodding his head, Shiro gave the alien a diplomatic smile  
"Understood. Thank you for being there for him"  
"I don't need your thanks. Leandro has proven himself over and over again. It is you humans who do this to him"  
"Right. Sorry..."  
Ignoring Lucteal, Keith started on again. Lance was at his mumbly stage, needing Keith's voice to soothe him. Hushing softly seemed to work best. Telling Lance he was "doing good" or calling him a "good boy", was likely to remind him of the words whispered when he was raped. He'd accidentally figured that out, that Lance responded differently to different things being said depending on how his attack was going.

Opening the door for them, Shiro was kind of useless. Carrying Lance over to their bed, Keith was grateful that Lance had let him get away without making their bed. The Cuban had other things on his mind. Laying him carefully in his usual spot, Keith stroke Lance's hair, whispering gently  
"Babe, what do you need?"  
"Headache"  
"You've got a headache? How bad?"  
"Three out of five"  
"Ok. I'll get your boots, you sleep for me"  
"Tell Shiro I'm sorry"  
"It's ok, babe. He knows"  
"Don't want to fight with him"  
"It's alright. He understands"  
"Mmm... k... sorry"  
"It's ok, babe. You sleep"

Getting Lance's boots off, Keith had nothing to give him for his headache. Lance wouldn't want anything for it anyway. Pulling the blankets up, he looked to Shiro  
"Can you watch him for a tick? I need to get some water"  
"I can, if you want"  
Usually, it was Daehra helping it out. Bossing Shiro around was strange  
"You haven't had the tour yet. I'll be right back"

Shiro hadn't moved when Keith came back with a water pouch. Puncturing it, he sat beside Lance, stabbing him up the nose with the straw. Groaned at, Keith smiled affectionately  
"Sip some water for me, then I'll stop annoying you"  
"The straws' in my nose"  
Moving the straw to Lance's mouth, he did as he was asked. Keith pulling back before Lance could choke himself, sitting the pouch on Lance's bedside table  
"Is Lucteal still here?"  
"Yeah, babe"  
"Mmm. You should go see your mum"  
"It's ok"  
"No... I'm going to sleep... go see your mum and hang out with Shiro"  
"Did you two talk?"  
"Mmm... think we're ok..."  
"That's good, babe"  
Kissing Lance's forehead, he did feel warm, but that was most likely exhaustion  
"Keith, go. I'm sleepy"  
"Are you sure...?"  
He didn't want to leave a sleepy Lance... but now their Paladin lunch plans were kind of ruined. Plus, he needed to make sure Shiro was actually alright... and find his traitorous wolf so he could stay with Lance  
"Mhmm... thank you"  
"You're very welcome"  
Kissing Lance's forehead again, Keith fussed over his blankets until Lance finally fell asleep. Holding his pointer finger to his lips, Keith jerked his head towards the door, Shiro stepping out silently before Keith followed him.

Giving Shiro a quick tour of the Telula, Keith waited until they were outside the ship before finally letting Shiro ask his questions as they headed back towards the hangar exit on floor level  
"I can hear you thinking"  
"Lance gave me a lot to think about"  
"He said you two talked, and that he thinks you're ok now?"  
"I didn't have a problem with him, to begin with. I also didn't realise how badly he was hurting. Are you sure you don't want to stay with him?"  
He would have loved nothing more than to snuggle up with Lance...  
"I do. But if I stay with him, he'll think he was getting in the way of us hanging out, or preventing me from doing something I want to do. Lucteal knows to call if Lance panics again"  
"And you trust him?"  
"No. He's still in love with Lance, but I trust Lance and Lance trusts him"  
"So I shouldn't trust him?"  
"He's fine. He's mostly harmless"  
"He said something about Lance being important on his planet"  
"You can say that. He saved their princess. She's the little sister of Daehra and Lucteal"  
"He's hanging out with royalty?"  
"It's complicated, but they do seem to like him. The princess adores him. You should have seen the amount of aid he took out there. They're also the ones who fixed up the Telula after Zak killed her engines"  
"Zak"  
"Annoying alien with purple hair. He's as bad as Pidge is. Lance saved his arse too"  
"And the rest of them?"  
"I'm not sure. Tobias... just seems to exist... and the others I haven't had much to do with. I've... uh, kind of been spending most of my time with Lance"  
Slinging his arm around Keith's shoulder, Shiro pulled him close  
"You did really well handling everything just then. You've gone and grown up without me"  
"You make it sound like I didn't see you a few phoebs ago"  
"I didn't see how you'd handle someone else having a panic attack"  
Leaning down on him, Keith ducked out from under his hold causing Shiro to stumble  
"It's not that hard. I learned it from you first"  
"Can't you let me be proud of you?"  
"No"  
"But you were so gently with Lance"  
"I am not afraid to stab you. He doesn't want people to know"  
"I'm not going to tell him. I think I upset him enough today"  
"Yes. Don't think I've forgotten about that. You did say he gave you a lot to think about"  
"About all those people we couldn't help. About his job. About the Atlas"  
"I know exactly what you're talking about. It's depressing, isn't it?"  
"It didn't feel great"  
"He's a stubborn idiot. But he does have some good points"  
"I never thought about the people who Voltron wasn't there for. We saved the universe and ended ten thousand years of Galra rule... Lance said they were after the Red Lion?"  
"Yeah. That Diplo-dick who hired him wanted it for himself. The king sold his own daughter to him for a slice of that power. Lance was already hunting him down with help from his friends in the Erathus police force... They put him through hell, Shiro. He's not even keen on swimming anymore, and this is Lance... you'd have to tackle him down to stop him before"  
"Has he talked to anyone?"  
"You mean profession help? I don't think he's ready for that"  
"Keith, it's not healthy to keep it all inside. It's not healthy for you to deal with it all alone"  
"I'm not alone. And it's not like it's one way..."  
"Alright. Let me worry about you for a little longer"  
"You're worse than Krolia, I hope you know this"  
"Are you two having sex?"

Keith choked on thin air, never had he blushed as fast or as hard as he did at that moment. Even confessing to Shiro that he and Lance had fooled around wasn't as bad as Shiro deciding to ask that question right then  
"What the fuck?"  
"If I'm worse than Krolia..."  
"Nope. No. Not happening. We barely kiss... Is this revenge? Is that what this is? Revenge at me yelling at you? Or is this revenge for borrowing your air vents?"  
"Neither. But if you are thinking of being intimate, you should both get checked first"  
This was undeniably revenge. Revenge for everything he'd put Shiro through since they'd met  
"I'm going to kill you in your sleep"  
"You'll have to go through Curtis first"  
"Hey, I'm not afraid. I got through your vents remember"  
"I know you did. I might not approve of your methods, but Lance has always been a romantic at heart"  
"There was nothing romantic about last night. He nearly sent himself into a panic attack and ended up crying in my arms"  
"You wouldn't know. He seemed like his old self this morning"  
"He was until you interrupted"  
"Hey, I know you don't like James. However, he is under my command"  
"And I respect that. Lance has so little self-confidence left after what happened, that he doesn't handle joking very well. Besides, that was tame compared to the shit we pulled on the castle"  
"I don't want to think about it. Every single white hair I have was because of you two"  
"As if. At least you came back right..."  
Trailing off, Keith realised he put his foot in it the moment he heard his own words. He'd already told Shiro about it, yet it was hard to be having this conversation. It touched on so many things that still left him hurt and confused over. He wanted to respect Lance's privacy. He also wanted Shiro to understand what Lance had told him, without the others eavesdropping or Shiro bringing it up around them  
"Can we talk about something else? Lance deserves better than us talking about him"  
"For now. I still want to talk with him about the outpost. He said he intended on leaving tomorrow"  
"Hopefully he'll feel like staying after the party. I had hoped to have lunch with everyone, to show him he mattered..."  
"We can still have lunch"  
"It's not the same without him. Those attacks can take vargas for him to recover from. I'd rather he rest today and be recovered for tonight, than him push himself now and wind up feeling worse during the party"  
"Keith, Lance wanted you to socialise. He said so himself"  
"The whole point of lunch was for him to see everyone again"  
"And he will. Krolia should be arriving soon, why don't we head up to wait for her? And where's Kosmo?"  
"Did you only just notice he wasn't here?"  
"I had other things on my mind"  
"I don't know where he is. Probably with Hunk trying to get treats? I was hoping to find him on the way, I want to send him down to stay with Lance"  
"Keith..."  
"Don't say it. I know. Lance is an adult. He is capable of making his own choices and doesn't need a baby sitter. We've been by each other's side almost nonstop. It feels weird for me to leave him all alone down there"  
"He's a perfectly capable adult"  
"Who is on a ship where he thinks everyone hates him. I'm allowed to worry. You'd worry if you were in my shoes"  
"I'm older, I'm allowed to worry"  
"In that logic, my being older than Lance means I'm entitled to worry about him all I want"  
"Are you trying to take over my role as "Space Dad"?"  
"Nope. I don't want all those white hairs"  
"I'll give you white hair"

Reaching out to shove him, Keith ran on ahead, Shiro chasing after him, the pair acting like a pair of idiots as they ran through the ship. It felt good to reconnect with his brother, and even better knowing he wasn't going to have find a way to constantly keep the peace between his brother and the love of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh. Friendship.  
> Not magically cured by a few words, and great for fuelling those tiny anxieties into flames...
> 
> A/N  
> Shiro honestly didn't mean to be a dick... He's just worried for Lance and worrying about what Lance has been into, while he has to protect his ship...
> 
> Lance went gone done grown up and everyone is like whaaa


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sick... so ya'll get another chapter... not gonna lie, I loved writing the next two and a half chapters... especially the next one... soooo many liberties taken

Dressed and ready for Hunk's party, Keith felt ready for it. Lance was still nursing his headache, asking his permission to take his daily dose before the party to help soothe his nerves. Keith wished Lance had been at lunch. They'd joked about old times, Pidge asking where Lance was, and Hunk asking what kind of adventures they'd been through together. Coran growing teary as he told them how proud he was of all of them. Lance should have been there. He should have been the one talking about his adventures, and he should have been the one questioned over who Daehra was. Pidge under the impression that Lance and Daehra were dating, causing Shiro to turn his snicker into a horribly disguised cough. 

Choosing each other's clothes, Lance had dressed him in a pair of black jeans with a nice short-sleeved white button-up shirt. Keith had dressed Lance in black jeans with a soft long-sleeved blue button-up shirt that brought out the gorgeous colour of his eyes, and hid his love's scars from prying eyes. Fussing with his hair, Lance couldn't get it to sit right insisting it had to be perfect for Hunk's sake, so being the best not-boyfriend boyfriend he was, Keith promptly ruffled his hair. Whatever product Lance had in, helped it settle into almost the sexy bed hair look that Keith loved so much. The half-Galra's own hair was pulled back into a practical ponytail that Lance swatted at as they walked up to the main conference room as it was the only place with a table long enough for them all to sit around comfortably. Keith had thought the engagement party dinner would be held in the dining room, but with this being Hunk's special night, Shiro had given him pretty much free reign of the Atlas. 

Entering the conference room, Lance physically jumped as they were announced by Veronica. Veronica crossing names off her list as she did, then directing them to where there would be sitting. Thankfully, Keith was next to Lance. Coran, the five original Paladins, Curtis, and Shay all seated together towards the end of the table where there was slightly more space. Not knowing anyone other than the pair of them, Lance's team was placed next to him. It resulted in the seating order being Gin, Edra, Chlo, Lucteal, Daehra, Lance, Keith, Shiro, Curtis, Hunk, Shay, Pidge, Coran, then the start of Shay's family. Krolia was down towards the other end of the table between his old team and Lance's family. Lance's mother was already talking to her, which Keith was hopeful over. If Krolia wanted motherly advice, she couldn't go wrong with asking his future mother-in-law. He didn't know what the fancy title for the relationship between the parents of two married people... He'd never thought to ask... but whatever it is, he hoped that Lance's family would kind of become his... His mum liked him at least, or like him enough to trust him with her baby boy. That was a pretty good start.

Taking his seat beside Lance, Lance placed his gifts to Hunk and Shay by his feet, so Keith echoed the action. He felt silly, and unsure of his gifts. More so when he found Lance had already organised gifts without telling him, Lance finding a fully upgraded blaster in his travels which he'd set aside with Hunk in mind because of the yellow stripes when the weapon extended. For Shay, Lance had some fancy blue crystal he'd picked up, according to him it showed a map of the stars around Shay's balmera. When and how Lance had managed it all, Keith had no idea. All he'd gotten the couple was his and hers matching meteorite blades with their names on them where the reflection on the side of the blade it spelt the others name. Technically Lance couldn't be mad. It was a gift both of them would know came from him, and they were shiny, so they matched Lance's criteria for ideal presents. He'd also purchased some spiced wine for them, as kind of an inside joke with Lance. They were silly little small memories, but for some reason he treasured them. Waiting until they both seated comfortably, Keith let his hand drop beneath the table, Lance's finding his within a few ticks. Squeezing softly, Lance looked to him with so much love in his eyes, Keith had to look away. He'd never know he'd gotten so lucky.

Being two of the team of professional chefs on the Atlas, Hunk wouldn't hear of anyone else cooking. The meal presented banquet style, in a variety of presentations that left Keith clueless. It was cheesy and clique, but as Shay lifted the lid off the last dish, sitting in a bed of carved fruits was a thick silver band with a large diamond pointing upwards. Keith couldn't see from the angle he was sitting on, but the various fruit came together to make an intricate flower, and carefully piped out along the bottom of the platter Hunk had popped the question. Kneeling down, Hunk was waiting for Shay's answer as she turned back to him. The poor guy sweating up a storm as he awkwardly stuttered out the question, the microphones in the room meaning that everyone could hear him. Nodding her head, Hunk surged up to lift Shay off her feet, his thick arms around her waist as she leaned down to kiss him. 

With all the "dust" in the room, Keith wasn't surprise that Lance and Coran were both balling their eyes out like there was no tomorrow, Hunk helping Shay slide the "ring" into place around her wrist as more as bracelet than an engagement ring, as the two lost themselves in their moment.

*  
Crying his eyes out, Lance was so damn proud of Hunk. Shay looked beyond happy, Hunk was practically glowing as he showed her off. Leaning sideways into Keith, under the pretence of making space, Lance enjoyed soaking in Keith's warms as he stealthily pressed a kiss behind his ear  
"They look so happy"  
"Yeah, they do. I'm so happy for the both of them"  
"When you get engaged, is this what you want?"  
"Mmm... I thought so, and once maybe. I think I want to be with the person I love... and if it happens, it happens"  
"You're not giving me much to work with"  
"Shhh. The microphones are on"  
"I'm just saying. I want to be well informed ahead of time that you're not expecting it at all"  
"I don't think any of us would be expecting you to propose. That's too many emotions for a cranky emo"  
"Someday I'd like to..."  
"Then I guess we'll all be waiting for that answer"  
"Can't you give me a hint?"  
"At this point in time, the answer wouldn't be no"

To Lance, marriage had fallen back to being a dream. Something he thought unattainable with how dirty he was. Keith might be serious about things now, but there were far too many things on Lance's mind for Lance to simply say "yes". They weren't even dating. He still wanted to work on his panic attacks and fears. He wanted to work to make himself better and to get off the drugs before he'd even consider saying yes to something like that. No. He could wait. He knew Keith was it for him. Keith made everything feel better. He even made him forget what had happened from time to time. He loved laying in Keith's arms when his nerves allowed it, listening to Keith talk about all kinds of stupid things because Lance wanted to hear the sound of his voice. As Hunk and Shay moved to the head of the table, Shiro saved from embarrassment by proposing a toast before they ate. Lance could see how badly Hunk had sweated with nerves. Hunk was one of the bravest people he knew from Earth. He'd been so scared of everything, his anxieties nearly as crippling as Lance's had gotten, yet he always knuckled down and got results. Even when he was scared of the things that went bump in the night, he was always able to become the hunter instead of the hunted. His memory might be slightly selective and biased given Hunk had been his best friend, but that didn't make him any less brave. Resisting the urge to lean back into Keith, Lance wished he was strong enough to be a real thing with him. Shiro and Curtis were making flirty eyes at each other, Shay and Hunk were over the moon, and all he could do was hold Keith's hand in secret because he was scared of having his past brought to light.

Opting for fruit over anything too heavy, things around the dining table gradually settled down. Everyone enjoying their food, the drink being served around the table was a spiced sangria that Lance was forcing himself not to down all at once. He was still high from his injection, and high from all the love in the air. His decision-making skills weren't the best so it was better he not get wasted at dinner, before the party with everyone on the Atlas. Smiling politely and picking at the food on his plate as everyone talked, he didn't expect to be brought into the conversation by Shay... and Pidge.

Struck in the face by a flying grape, Lance dropped his fork in surprise, looking up to see a cackling Pidge  
"Sorry, Lance. I couldn't help it. You were ignoring Shay"  
Had he fazed out? He thought he was following the conversation well. Smiling at Shay, Shay didn't seem offended  
"I'm so sorry, Shay. What were you saying? I was distracted by that beautiful gem on your arm. Hunk, my man, you snagged a wonderful woman here"  
Shay giggled, Hunk blushed  
"I was asking how you met your team, is it?"  
"Oh. Would you believe I was rescuing an alien princess while tracking down an evil cartel?"  
Shay gasped, while Pidge rolled her eyes  
"Don't listen to him Shay, he's just being Lance. If he'd done something that cool, he totally would have called us to rub it in"  
Speaking up from his side, Daehra's voice carried well  
"Lance saved our sister, the daughter of the King and Queen of my planet. That is how we met. Lucteal and I had tracked down the ship holding our sister when we came across Lance in the forest. Asking us to wait, he went in and retrieved our sister alone"  
Pidge didn't believe her. Raising an eyebrow, she pointed at him with her fork  
"Lance... the dorky guy beside you?"  
"He is not dorky. He is our commander"

Feeling an impending snarky comment from the green gremlin, Lance didn't want Hunk and Shay's night to be ruined. He also didn't want Keith snapping, or Shiro spilling something he'd said to him earlier this  
"I've been working as a bounty hunter for about half a deca-phoeb now. This is some of my team. Daehra, Lucteal, my two second in commands, then we have Gin, Edra and Chlo. You'll meet Zak and Tobias at the party, they're terrible at being people people. We're usually based out the other end of space, that's why it took us a while to get here"  
"Bullshit!"  
Staring at him in disbelief, Pidge looked to Keith  
"Keith, is he serious?"  
"I was shocked as well when I found out. Lance was helping me out on a mission to find a missing blade member... He's actually kind of a celebrity on Daehra's planet"  
"Holy quiznak! Wow... so you had to put up with him saving an alien princess, and on a mission?"  
Nudging him with his knee, Keith sounded proud as he replied to Pidge's question  
"He'd already saved Annla by the time we reunited. I've been travelling with him about two phoebs now"

Pidge looked ready to explode with questions. At least she believed him now that Keith had confirmed things. Waving her fork at him again, the questions started  
"Wait. Wait. Wait... You said Daehra was your girl this morning? Are you dating royalty again?"  
Kind of, but not who Pidge was thinking  
"Nope. Daehra is the medical officer on my ship the Telula. She's amazing with herbs, and medical tech. Honestly, she's self-trained and super talented. Lucteal, he backs me up in close combat missions. He also pilots the Telula, and causes trouble with Zak. The pair remind me of you and Hunk when you used to go all techno-babble on us. We used to have two other bounty hunters with us... three if you include Jarpel. But mostly we do humanitarian work, or the occasional job for the police"  
Pidge frowned her brow, before launching into her next question  
"Why the quiznak didn't we know any of this!? We have group calls for a reason, Lance"  
Lance died a little on the inside. He barely belonged in said group calls. And how he'd become a bounty hunter still messed with his head too much to go into. Sensing his discomfort, Keith's hand slipped under the table to rest on his leg  
"He's been pretty busy. The sectors he works didn't receive help from Voltron, so it's a still a mess out there"  
"But he's like all bad arse and we had no idea"  
And who's fault was that...

Clearing his throat, Lance looked to Hunk who had his "worried mum" look on his face  
"Lance, you're not doing anything dangerous are you"  
Shooting people. Murdering people. Luring random people back to his bed to tranqu them... blowing things up... being shot down...  
"Nah. It's not that bad. I've got a pretty awesome team, and if I get myself in trouble, Daehra will kick my arse"  
"But dude, I thought you were working in security"  
"I was for a while. Then I met up with the police and they offered me a job as a bounty hunter and stuff"  
God. After ignoring him for phoebs, Lance wanted to throw it all in their faces. It wasn't a great feeling when he realised how mad he still was. All of them had contributed to his mental issues, and he still felt like he couldn't reach out his hand and offer them friendship like they'd used to share. Poor Shay probably just wanted to enjoy her night with Hunk, not talk about him and his job. Make the effort. Don't think about how disgusted they would be to know the truth... He could do this  
"So yeah, that's me. Leading the Telula. She's an old ship, but she's my girl. How's it going for you guys? I mean, other than wonderful?"

Blushing, Shay nodded  
"It's been amazing to travel by Hunk's side. After so long under Galra rule, I never thought it could be like this"  
"That's good. I'm really happy for the both of you"  
Effort made. Now to hide the crappy feeling bubbling up in his stomach the best he could. Reaching out, he took his glass and down the wine in one long gulp. So much for sobriety  
"Hunk said we can have whatever wedding I would like, but your Earth weddings sound nice"  
Well that was fast... unless they'd talked about it before  
"Hunk would look killer in a white suit"  
"Ew, Lance no. Shiro could pull off a white suit. Hunk would look better in black"  
Pulling a face at Pidge, she threw another grape at him. Shay giggling at the pair of them  
"And what would you know about fashion, Ms Pigeon Gunderson?"  
Picking up another grape, Pidge was armed and ready  
"I know that if you call me "Pigeon" again, you're going to find..."  
Sighing deeply, Shiro stepped in to stop their banter and the senseless death of good grapes  
"Don't make me seperate the pair of you. An Earth wedding sounds lovely, Shay"  
Blushing hard at his words, Shay looked to Daehra  
"What are weddings like where you come from, Daehra?"

Daehra didn't get the whole "dreamy" look on her face at Shay's question. It was possible that with her father's ways, marriage wasn't for her or it was something she hadn't fully considered. Continuing to eat she spoke between bites  
"Most of our home is underground. We settled there after the Galra first came to our planet, so our church is located in the royal quarters of the city. Weddings are different from your Earth weddings, or what I have read of them. I'm sorry. My English is still improving, so please tell me if I use the wrong words..."  
Lance shook his head at her. She hadn't said anything wrong. With both her and Keith speaking English with her, she was barely making mistakes anymore  
"Dae, your English has improved so much in these past few movements. You don't need to apologise"  
Instead of taking the compliment, Daehra seemed a little annoyed as she continued  
"Thank you... Yes. We hold church and pray to the stars for guidance, happiness, understanding, love and strength. But at a union, it is little different. A royal member must preside over the ceremony. You stand in a ring made of gold, and share the wine of a cup to open your minds. Our race are empaths, the wine is so you do not hide anything from your beloved. They pray for you, and they unite you, then you finish the wine in the cup. After that, a trinket is bestowed upon you as blessings for the union. It is two halves coming together..."  
Lance's head shot up at the same time as Keith's, both realising the same thing. Keith's voice was slightly higher than normal as he asked  
"Daehra, can anyone perform the ceremony?"  
"Yes. As long as they are of the royal bloodline"

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Lance had thought Annla was playing... She loved unions and he didn't think about it all and oh fuck... he'd accidentally married Keith... oh shit...  
"Even Annla?"  
"Yes. She is especially fond of unions. Her mother used to oversee them when she was younger. Annla hopes to hold that position when she comes of age"

Ooooooh. Fuck.

Thank god for Shiro. Lance was about to panic himself into a panic attack. Keith's was probably feeling the exact same way. This... they couldn't be fucking married  
"On Earth, we have a formal document. Does your planet have the same?"  
"No. Being empaths, we respect the feelings of each other. We don't need anything other than the trinkets from the union. It is strange that even though our races had never met, many people were rings or jewels upon completion of the union. Our tokens are chosen by the royal family and very highly treasured. I cannot remember any cases where a union has come apart"

Annla had given them her gold hair bands... They'd drunk the wine. They'd said vows. Oh god. He was a married man. His freaking husband was sitting right next to him... ave María llena eres de gracia... He'd married Keith. What would his mother say? And his family... Rachel was going to give him shit for years over this. And Keith... he was too fucking terrified to look at him...

"Wow. That sounds nice"  
Shay's soft voice brought him out of his thoughts. Someone had filled his wine glass during his meltdown. Reaching for it, he pushed the mask of Leandro to the surface. For Hunk nothing could be wrong...

*  
Keith watched Lance having his mental breakdown feeling much the way Lance looked. They'd gotten married... and neither of them had realised. Annla had probably planned the whole thing... and now Lance looked... uncomfortably pale. They'd gone from teetering on the edge of a relationship to married in less than a tick... No one, except Shiro, seemed to notice that Lance had withdrawn from the conversation completely when Daehra stopped talking about unions, and with the way he'd stopped eating in favour of drinking, Keith wanted the dinner to hurry up and finish so he could talk to his not-boyfriend-accidental-husband before Lance had the panic attack that Keith could smell coming. Married... Nope. No. This wasn't how he planned it for Lance. Lance deserved the massive huge wedding that his dramatic little heart always wanted. It wasn't the being married bit that was the problem, but the Lance seemed completely unhappy about it. Leaning in, Shiro whispered  
"Is Lance alright?"  
"Yeah. It's nerves"  
"If you two need some air..."  
"No. We both know he won't want to make a scene. I'll watch him until dinner is over then take him out so we can talk"  
"How about you? You bent your fork"  
Casting a glance at his fork, Keith found it was indeed bent  
"It's nothing..."  
"Keith. I know when something's up with you. Did something happen on Daehra's planet?"  
Yes. He married Lance... who now seemed to be shutting down in front of him  
"I... no. Maybe. Look, this is Hunk's party. I don't want to make a scene"  
"You're not making a scene"  
"Shiro, drop it. We're not doing this here"  
"So something did happen... you can tell me"  
Shaking his head, Keith didn't want to talk about it. He was a tick away from admitting he'd married Lance and Lance wasn't happy about it  
"No. It's between Lance and me. Let's let Hunk have his night"  
He needed the distraction of the others talking, forcing himself to pay attention to Coran as he talked about Altean wedding customs. Most couples needed deca-phoebs to teach the stage where they're giving each other the silent treatment... but now it seemed like he and Lance had already hit that. He didn't know what to say. He was kind of... maybe... secretly happy to be married to Lance... now if only Lance could look happy about it everything would be perfect. Realising he wasn't going to get anything else out of him, Shiro dropped it.

Lance lagged behind the others as they made their way up to the dining room for the party part of the night... Lagging even further behind, Keith watched his accidental husband as he talked with his family, his feet feeling like lead as he did. He'd wanted to talk to Lance, but Lance had brushed him off to give Hunk and Shay their presents from, Hunk trying to hide his enthusiasm over how advanced his new blaster seemed to be. His presents of twin blades had Hunk rolling his eyes at him over the fact "he has an addiction" to knives. It would have been the perfect time to take Lance by the arm and lead him away, only Lance's family caught up to them, and Krolia had done what he'd wanted to do to Lance to him.

Walking with his mother by his side, Keith's hands were firmly wedged into his pockets as he stared at his boots. He knew his mother was staring at him, wanting to question him over why his boots deserved to be glared at. Continuing up to the dining room in awkward silence, Krolia and Shiro had somehow telepathically teamed up against him. Krolia guiding him past the doorway and to the corridor on the other side where Shiro was waiting with his arms crossed. Looking between his mother and his brother, Keith wasn't impressed. How was he supposed to find a chance to talk to Lance when he wasn't even in the same room as him?  
"What is this? Some kind of intervention?"  
"I wanted to ask what that was during dinner"  
"And it takes both of you?"  
Neither of his concerned "parents" replied  
"Fine. Lance nearly had a panic attack. Nothing major happened on the planet, Lance just didn't take sitting around doing nothing well"  
"You went to that planet after the outpost..."  
"Mum. Don't even go there"  
"You did say he was struggling"  
"And he's doing better. He's better than he was"  
"Keith, Shiro told me about Lance's panic attack. And also what he said. Tomorrow we want to have a meeting over what you both saw at that outpost. Is there anything we should know about that will upset during the meeting?"  
"You two are talking about Lance now? Do you know how hurt he'd be over that?"  
Taking back over the conversation, Shiro placed his hand on Keith's shoulder. Keith was really getting sick of that  
"I want to make things easier for Lance. He changed during dinner, almost like he wasn't all there. I was hoping for his sake that we can discuss what happened without sending him into a panic attack"  
"Lance can handle one meeting about what happened. Focus on the outpost, and not on his former employer... But you should probably know, the guy in that tube thing, in the video, Lance was involved with how he ended up there. There's this cult, that have these "y" tattoos in red because they wanted Red for themselves. They worked for his previous employer. They tortured him. So if you don't want to send him into a panic attack, don't question everything he says. His friend who also worked at the outpost was killed..."  
"And is there anything else we should know?"  
"No. It's not my story to tell. Just don't push him too far... and let him enjoy tonight. He's finally reconnecting with everyone. If we make too much of a fuss, he'll feel too self-conscious"  
"Keith, I still think it might be a good idea to get him some professional help. We do have a counsellor on the Atlas..."  
Keith wasn't about ready to shove Lance into counselling. They'd had this stupid conversation  
"And I'll talk to him about that when he's ready. Now I'm going back to him and you two aren't going to hover. You're both going to have a good time. You're going to drink. You're going to congratulate Hunk and Shay, and you're probably going to have to deal with a drunk Coran. Plus, you've been neglecting Curtis since I got here"  
Why was he left to adult over his space parents? They'd both told him to reach out to them if he needed them. He wasn't reaching for them. Instead, it felt like they were smothering him.

Walking into the party, Lance had a drink in his hand as he chatted to Coran. Keith knew they were close on the castle, but Lance was clearly uncomfortable. The fingers of his free hand scratching at his thigh lightly. Before he could make his way over to Lance, Hunk was pushing a drink into his hand  
"This is your party, you're supposed to be relaxing"  
"I am. I am... I wanted to ask you about Lance"  
Not another one... Lance was literally right there. He could answer his own questions  
"What about him?"  
"Is he truly alright out there? I was worried about inviting him... After Allura... We both know how serious he was about her"  
What was stopping Hunk from asking Lance if he was alright? He was right there!  
"It's not easy work, but he's working hard. Making a real difference there, and helping smaller civilisations get back on their feet. And as for Allura, he's doing better, he's moved on. I'm planning on staying on his team for now"  
"He's not getting himself hurt is he?"  
"He's been staying out of trouble"  
"Good... that's good. Well, I'm I have to do the rounds. Drink as much as you like, Shiro's given everyone tomorrow off to recover"  
"Thanks, Hunk. And congratulations. You two look really good together"  
"Thanks, Keith"

Finally released by Hunk, he'd lost sight of Lance, and less than a tick later, Pidge was grabbing him by the arm  
"Keith! Why didn't you tell me Lance was running around in space with his own team?"  
Lance was right there!  
"What's his ship like? Zak is infuriating... All the tech he's been telling me about, do you think Lance will pick some up for me?"  
Lance was right there. Literally there... somewhere in the room  
"You should ask him"  
"You know he doesn't listen to me. I can't believe he's got his own team. He didn't seem like the type"  
"Pidge, why don't you ask Lance about this?"  
"Well, it's awkward, isn't it? After Allura... He said he was staying on Earth, and didn't want to come back out here"  
"People change, Pidge. He's moved on from Allura"  
"Ha! I knew he was dating Daehra"  
"He's not dating Daehra"  
"Her sister? I don't know what it is, but there's something different about him"  
"Annla is a kid. No. He's not dating either of them. I think Zak's looking for you"  
Looking around, Pidge slipped behind him  
"You never saw me"

Keith had no idea were Zak was, but it succeeded in sending Pidge into hiding. Finally free, he noticed Coran coming for him. He couldn't have the same conversation again. Lance didn't have fangs. He wasn't going to shoot anyone for saying "hello". Caught with no place to go, he waited until someone was blocking Coran's way, then dove for cover under the nearest table. He wasn't proud of himself, but he wasn't Lance's keeper. Accidentally husband or not. Casting a glance across the room, he watched Coran's legs as he turned on the spot the started walking away. Finally. Finally some peace... Oooor maybe not. 

Under the main grouping of tables, three single tables away, Lance was having a party of his own. Two bottles of sparkling wine sitting beside him.

Crawling to the edge of the table, Keith made sure the coast was clear before crawling under the next table. Lance not noticing as he inched his way closer until he was halfway under the second of the three tables, cocking his head sideways as he waved his hand. Holding his hand up to tell him "stop and stay there", Keith continued on, now on his knees so he didn't spill his drink. This didn't last long. He was too tall for that, and a moving table would draw attention. He wasn't abandoning his drink. He deserved it. It didn't occur to the half-Galra to drain the glass so he didn't have to worry about it spilling. 

Making a run for Lance, he felt a foot against his, his heart-stopping for a moment as he carefully drew himself under the table completely. Confusion expressed by whoever the grey pants and shoes belonged to, but they didn't lift the table cloth and peek under. Coming to a stop by Lance, Keith nearly fell over backwards and blew their cover as he tried to get comfortable. Lance had abandoned his glass in favour for drinking straight from the bottle  
"Having fun?"  
"Can you tell? If one more person asks if I'm ok, I'm going to bite their ankles"  
"You're the right height for it"  
Downing a large gulp of wine, Lance choked as Keith pulled the bottle away  
"Oi. I was drinking that"  
"I know. But how are you doing?"  
Gesturing to the feet moving around them, Lance wouldn't meet his eyes  
"You know. Avoiding the crowds. Hiding from my family. Trying to figure out what to say to the man I accidentally married. Just another Tuesday"  
Taking a sip out the bottle, bubbles fizzed up Keith's nose. He'd rather be drinking something less fizzy, but that'd involve breaking cover  
"Are you mad at me?"  
"Confused... I thought... I didn't think... You're married to me"  
That was pretty much Keith's opinion of it all, with more perk in his mind than in Lance's tone  
"Yeah... Married"  
"I'm so sorry, Keith. I didn't know it was possible... I mean, that..."  
Taking the bottle back, Lance drunk deeply again. They needed to swap to sips or Lance would be drunk too fast. Ducking his head, Keith blushed as he lowly mumbled  
"I don't mind, you know... being married to you"  
"We're not even dating properly... I'm too much of a basket case. We barely kiss... Everyone keeps moving on and moving forward, while I'm still stuck in the past"  
"Hey, we can work it all out. It's not like being accidentally married changes anything between us. We don't have to rush things. We've been married for a few movements now"  
Letting out a low laugh, Lance finally looked at him  
"That's true. I still feel bad. God, Keith. I don't want to be here. I tried talking... I want to talk, but it doesn't feel right. I feel like they know, and that's why they keep looking at me funny. It's Hunk's party, and I don't know if I can take another person looking at me like it's just after Allura died. Shay apologised over Allura. Coran... he wanted to know where my marks were and apologise... They're sorry because she died before we got engaged... I know Shay was trying to be nice, because she is nice, but now what do I do? Does everyone know I'm messed up? Or does everyone think they have to ask me if I'm ok because of her...? Can't I move on?"  
Lance was slightly drunk, talking fast due to alcohol and nerves  
"Did you enjoy the dinner?"  
Lance's expression grew confused  
"What?"  
"Dinner? Did you enjoy talking to everyone at dinner?"  
"It... was hard, but did I do ok?"  
"You did great, babe. But did you talk enough?"  
"I don't think I can handle much more. I wanted to run when Daehra said we were married... I still feel so fucking guilty over it"  
Bumping him with his shoulder, Keith nearly spilt the drink he'd protected during his crawling. Finally deciding he should drink it, he started sipping at it  
"Then let's skip the party. You saw Hunk, and Shay. You congratulated them, both were happy to see you. Everyone was happy to see you, babe. You talked to them all. I was really proud of how you handled yourself. I am really proud of you. So if the party is too much, we can go"

Keith was in favour of leaving. His old team was here. The MFE pilots were here. Lance's team were here. There were definitely enough people around that no one would notice if snuck off with his accidental husband to talk about things properly, only Lance pouted  
"We can't just go"  
"We kind of can. I mean, we're hiding under a table drinking stolen wine"  
"It's not stolen, it's liberated. And technically, even under the table, we're still at the party"  
"I know you nearly had a panic attack at dinner... plus, you had that headache almost all day"  
Lance looked at him sadly  
"My head still hurts. Did you see how Hunk looked at me over my life choices? I mean... they all hurt me, but lying to them didn't feel good. I wanted to rub it in their faces... I don't want them to know anything... I want them to feel what they did to me and I don't want to hurt them... my head feels so busy... and I can't think straight. Do you know what I mean? Like... I can smell so many things too... and I'm not making any sense... I feel all jumpy"  
"Babe, I understand what you're trying to tell me. You're scared, but you don't want to ruin Hunk's night, so you want to be here in case someone wants to talk to, even if it risks a panic attack. You're not going to ruin his night. He's with his fiancée, being perfect hosts and making ridiculous faces at each other. Shiro will cover for us, we can go talk about everything, then if you feel up to it we can come back"  
"I feel like leaving his party is a dick move after being in bed all day"  
"It's not. You don't ask to have these panic attacks. It's not something you're putting on for attention. Do you think I'd still be here if they were?"  
"No... I just want to feel normal again. Shiro saw me fuck up today... I yelled at him... and it felt good... but now I don't know what to think. He probably doesn't want you anywhere near me"

Moving to pull Lance into a one-armed hug, Keith kissed Lance's arm  
"Shiro doesn't think any less of you. He has panic attacks too. He knows how crap they make you feel and he feels like a douche for how he acted. He didn't know how to reach out and tell you he was sorry for everything. And, don't forget that you apologised to him for yelling"  
"I still feel bad"  
"I know. That's why I think we should go talk"  
"Can we take the wine with us? I feel like if we're going to talk, I'm going to need more wine"  
"I don't know, this stuff seems pretty strong..."  
"That's why I snagged two bottles. I figured if they were already going to judge me, I needed some liquid courage. I can't stop thinking about how everyone looks at me. I hate it, Keith. You're the only one who tries to treat me normally and I keep fucking that up"  
"You haven't fucked anything up. That's your anxieties being a bitch. Come on, let's go find somewhere quieter"  
Nodding, Lance finally agreed to leave with him. By now the party around them had started picking up the pace. The music twice as loud as it had been, and some light show thing had the world beyond the table edges flashing in vibrant colours. No one was going to notice them slipping out, and Keith was pretty sure they wouldn't care anyway. He absolutely didn't care what they thought, his husband was his only priority. Plus, he hated parties, so that was only another plus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll edit this once my head doesn't feel like it's imploding


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore this chapter. I really really really do.
> 
> Also, I know I've lost a few bookmarks, but I'm one of those annoying authors that need questions answered and everything wrapped up in a nice little bow. I want to sincerely thank you all for your comments, kudos and time.
> 
> I only have two full chapters after this one written, because I'm one of those hopeless people who like to cuddle up and sleep when they're sick and complain like I have man flu to my mother... it's her fault really, she gave me this silly cold.
> 
> Anyway, I would say we're over half way through, and soon we'll be swapping back to individual points of view for a time.

"Sneaking" out the party, Lance was now holding three bottles of sparkling wine by the necks with his left hand, so Keith could hold his right hand. Walking through the Atlas, Keith was hoping he was leading Lance in the right direction. There was no beach on board the ship, but there was a swimming pool. Lance had loved water before he'd been tortured, and with the whole room to themselves, he hoped Lance would find the blue expanse soothing.

Tripping over themselves as Keith let them into the pool room, he skipped turning the main light on in favour of the soft lights that illuminated the bottom of the pool  
"Keith, what are we doing here?"  
Trust Lance to notice the water straight away  
"I thought this place might be nice to sit and talk. I can't take you to a beach, but there's water and it's quiet. You don't have to sit too close"  
"I... don't know how I feel about it"  
"Then don't think about it. I think the chairs by the side of the pool are big enough for both of us to fit"  
"You're really enjoying playing the good husband, aren't you?"  
"Maybe... let's sit down before we start talking. I don't want one of those bottles getting broken by accident. Shiro might have given everyone the day off tomorrow, but I don't want to have to explain why there's glass all over his ship"  
"Fine... but not too close and don't throw me in"  
"It hadn't even crossed my mind"  
"Keith, I'm serious. This is... taking a lot of my trust right now"  
"I'm not going to throw you in. I'm not a monster"  
"Ok... just..."  
Tugging Lance towards one the poolside chair, Keith sighed out  
"I know. Have some faith in me"

Settling down with Lance laying between his legs, both of them were nursing a bottle each of the sparkling wine. Keith's bottle was freshly popped, while Lance slowly worked at the one from the party. The smaller male's head against his chest as slowly started relaxing. Using his free hand, Keith gently started massaging Lance's scalp, Lance letting out a soft moan as he did  
"Does it feel nice?"  
"Mmm. This is nice. It's so quiet here"  
Other than the noises they made, there was the soft background noise of the pool water lapping at the edge grates. No loud music or obnoxious lights in sight  
"Yeah. I wasn't going to bring you here, to begin with, but I thought the sound of the water might help calm you down"  
"I'm really sorry we had to leave the party"  
"We didn't have to leave. We're taking a break down here. We probably need to talk about how you're feeling"  
"Will you be insulted if I say terrified?"  
"No. Being told you accident got married is kind of a lot"  
"A lot... we can't even date properly and now you're stuck with me"  
"I'm not stuck with you. It was kind of a shock, to find out that on Daehra's planet it's a legal thing, and it's totally not what I was planning, but it's not terrible"  
"I supposed if only the three of us know, then it's not really legal. You can leave whenever you want"  
Keith felt anger bloom in his chest  
"Why would you say that? I told you I'm not leaving you"  
"Because you didn't sign up to marry me. You just said being married isn't something you planned on happening"  
"It's the way we got married. It's not who I married. I love the guy I married, I just hate that neither of knew we were getting married at the time"  
"Would you have told Annla off?"  
"I would have liked to be informed. I mean... it's like you said, we're barely dating. I wanted to work up to it. I wanted to build something solid and strong with you before we got married and now that's all ruined"  
"So you don't think we can move past this?

What? No. That's not what Keith was trying to say at all. He could feel how tense Lance had become in his arms, taste the scent of bitter citrus on his tongue  
"I mean. I am a drug addict. And maybe kind of an alcoholic. I self-harm. I don't want to die, but I don't know if I want to be alive either. I'm wanted by police. I fall apart over stupid things. I feel like everyone thought I was just stupid seventh wheel Lance. No one could believe I was leading my own team. I yelled at Shiro and rubbed Voltron's failures in his face. I tried talking tonight, but I feel like once everyone got that I've been a bounty hunter, it was all a pat on the head before being sent to play. Like it's a game. I didn't expect everything to be fixed, but I still feel sick thinking about talking to them again. I wouldn't want to be married to that either"  
Fucking anxieties. He fucking hated them and sympathies so hard with people battling them that it wasn't funny. He didn't realise he had his own forms of anxieties when he first came out to space, or that he was already suffering from PTS. They were kids thrown into war  
"You don't see what I see. That's the cruel thing out of all of this. I can tell you a hundred times I'm proud of you, but your anxieties are there to mess things up. You know at lunch today, everyone wanted to know about what you'd been up to. I tried to explain a little bit, as I didn't want to be the one to tell your story. I wanted you to be the one confident enough to tell them you have your own ship and crew and you made me so proud that you did. And you did that. You could have gotten into a food fight with Pidge, or let her throw grapes at you, but you didn't"  
"I wanted tonight to be perfect for Hunk"  
"I know you did. I saw how you changed during dinner, you were hurting and you pushed through"  
"I was proud of you too, you know..."  
Raising an eyebrow, Keith had no idea why  
"... you used to be the loner on the team. And I know you hate big gatherings, but you were laughing and smiling. Asking people how they were and congratulating Hunk and Shay sincerely. It wasn't just some emo broody side comment. You've grown into someone I'm so proud of as a person. You've come really far, Keith. I'm really..."  
"If you're going to say you're sorry again, I'm going to take the wine off you"  
"Even if I am?"  
"Yes. You have no idea what you've done for my life, have you?"  
"I don't think I've done anything"  
"That's because you don't see it. You.. you're always there when I need you. I mean, I turned up out of nowhere and you still helped me out. You were always backing me on Voltron, and even now you have my back. You accepted me before I could accept me. You called me out on my bullshit and pushed me to be better with that stupid rivalry. You've always been special to me, and the meaning of that special has changed as we do. I wish we could have had that big huge wedding I know you secretly want. I wish I could have proposed to you when the time was right. I know we're married, but I want to take this slow. I want to work through things"  
"How? How do we forget that we're married?"  
"We don't. We just don't let it define us"

Letting out a giggle, Lance rolled from his side to his back  
"It might be the wine, but you sound really smart right now"  
"I am really smart"  
"I know. You were the prodigy at the Galaxy Garrison, before you cost Iverson his eye and all that. No matter what I did, everyone was quick to tell me it's all because you left. Then you left the team... it felt like that all over again. I had my own hopes and dreams, but everything I wanted you gave to me by leaving. I wanted to get there on my own merit. I didn't want to just be a boy from Cuba. I studied so fucking hard to get into the Garrison... then everything seemed to go wrong. I wasn't smart enough. I talked too much. I was too tall. Too slow. It took time to learn English better... they wouldn't make allowances for that. When I bonded with Blue and not you, it felt amazing. That's why I was such a dick. That even thought you were on my radar, I was never on yours. I didn't even think about your past. I didn't think about anything or anyone but myself and how to get people to like me. I feel like... all I ever do is get left behind"  
Kissing Lance's hair, Keith nuzzled into the spot as he did. It physically hurt to have these old wounds torn open again. The infection that should have drained long ago still festering and oozing  
"I won't leave you behind"  
"You can't promise that Keith. I can't promise you that. My body is so fucked up. Guys aren't supposed to fall pregnant. What if I can't even carry? What if whatever Allura did ruined me forever? What if I'm dying because she's not here to keep my body going? Can you imagine how disgusted the others would be? I'm so fucking scared that they'll leave me behind again once they know. You deserve every single star in the sky... while I'm just a sucky black hole"

Taking the bottle from Lance, Keith placed it down beside the one he'd been drinking from, so he could into Lance properly. His not-boyfriend was at the perfect stage of drunk. His filter was gone and he was pouring his heart out. He'd be kicking himself tomorrow, but that was a whole twelve plus vargas away  
"You're nothing of the sort. A male falling pregnant would hardly be the weirdest thing we've seen. You met mermaids. Shay's people are basically walking and talking rocks. We flew magical lions. I am sure out there that there is a race where males can carry. And not just seahorses"  
"How can you accept it? I don't get it... it scares the fuck out of me, Keith. My body was normal. I was a normal guy from Cuba"  
"Lance, did you hate me when we found out I was part Galra? Part of the race responsible for destroying the universe"  
Lance shook his head  
"That doesn't change who you are"  
"Then how does this change in you, change who you are?"  
"Because... it's not right. This doesn't... they don't teach you this in human biology"  
"And how small and narrow-minded was Earth's view of everything before the Galra showed up? Pluto was the furthermost we'd been. You're more than your body"  
Starting to shake, Lance rolled back to his side in order to hide his face against Keith's chest  
"I'm scared. I'm scared all the time. I can smell people so strongly. Shiro's scent... it wasn't right. My body... I bleed... and I... lose control. It's like in some kind of fucked up animal in heat... I haven't told anyone. I had to hide it at home. My whole family tell me I stink. I smell bad or wrong... no matter how many times I shower... I could make it through when I had Red. We were never as close as you two, but he kept me going... I was so scared when it started... I hate being scared. I hate not knowing. I want to know, but I'm scared of what would happen if I asked. You saw Pidge. She laughed at the idea of me doing something that required leadership. She still thinks I'm the dummy"  
"You're not the dummy. And I love your body. Daehra said once the medication clears your system you should go back to how you were"  
"I don't want that! I hate it. I don't want to feel like an animal that only wants to be fucked"

That honestly sounded hot as hell to Keith. There was something wrong with him... the idea of fucking and filling Lance until he was pregnant was appealing as hell to something deep inside of him. Lance on his knees, cum leaking from him... his imagination didn't need to be going there. His husband was a victim of rape. He shouldn't be thinking like that with Lance in his lap  
"Your scent changed..."  
"Sorry..."  
"Why did it change?"  
Lance was being so honest with him... He deserved the same respect  
"Do you want me to be honest?"  
Sniffling, Lance gave a small nodded  
"Yes"  
"I was thinking about having sex with you. How beautiful you are and that I hope one day you'll trust me enough to let me in like that"  
"Oh..."  
"I didn't mean to scare you. I wanted to be honest"  
"I... I want to. I want to be intimate with you, again. I don't want to keep remembering his touch or his voice. I don't want to remember laying there as they..."  
Lance's voice cracked, hushing him softly, he rubbed at Lance's arm  
"I don't plan to rush this"  
"But Keith... we could die. I keep thinking about it. I could die coming off all these pills. I've only come off one... I have so many... I don't want them to be... I don't want to die with memories of being held by someone who didn't love me"  
"I love you. I know I can't flick a switch and turn off the memories or feelings, but I have touched you. We've showered together. I've held you in my lap under the shower"  
Smacking his chest with his closed fist, Lance practically screamed the first part of his reply  
"It's not the same! Sometimes I want to throw myself into your lap and let you kiss the pain away. Sometimes I want you so badly I'm scared. I don't want to bind you to me. I want you to have your own life, to move at your own pace and do the things you love. But when I get scared... I want to hold you down and make you stay, and I hate that..."  
"I'm going to stay. I'm going to absolutely everything I can to stay by your side as long as we live"  
"I don't want that"

Keith felt like Lance had ripped his heart from his chest and stomped on it. A lump forming in his throat as he rasped out  
"You don't?"  
"I want you to be able to work for your mum. For Daibazaal and the Galaxy. I want to run my own team and missions. I want you to be able to go see everyone without feeling guilt over leaving me behind... then I want you to come back to me and tell me all about it. I want to be confident enough to not feel jealous or left out"  
Oh... Lance wanted something stable and strong...  
"Then let me stay by you until things settle down? Because... I want that too. I mean... I want you to be able to do the things you love and want to do, without feeling like that either"  
"Can you, stay? Your mum and Shiro want to talk about the outpost. Shiro has all these plans and ideas... and I... I'm... It's going to be dangerous acting. They're going to be scared for you"  
"And you too. They both care about you"  
"Only because you do"  
"No, babe. Mum doesn't show it, but she cares about you, and Hunk, and Pidge"  
"She cares about how you'd feel and react if something happens to one of us. She loves you more than anything"  
"I promise you, if something happened to you, she'd be worried about you as more than my friend or lover"  
"I don't know... Can we stop talking now? I want to lay here like this for a bit"  
"I think you're wrong, but you're probably right. It does feel nice like this. The water looks amazing"  
"You can swim if you want"  
"Maybe... but I want to give my accidental husband cuddles first"  
Snorting softly, Lance moved enough to look up at him, his left hand coming up to cup Keith's cheek gently, blue eyes filled with sadness and love staring right into his own  
"I love you... in my own way... I mean. I do, for what I can"  
Leaning down, Keith kissed his forehead, his heart pounding with the emotions that only Lance could stir within him. He was trying so hard to come back to him, to keep moving forward. There wasn't a person alive who wouldn't be drunk on Lance, not when he was working so hard and still suffering so much, but finally holding on to that thin rope of hope for something better. Keith had broken him, broken his mask and taken away his coping mechanisms, leaving Lance to fall back to reality. No matter what anyone said or how they repeatedly questioned if he was alright, there was nowhere else he'd rather be  
"I know you do. I love you, too"

*  
Finishing off his bottle of wine, Keith had to admit the pool did look tempting. It's been phoebs since he'd swam for fun, and Lance was now a giggling mess thanks to Keith accidentally tickling him as he tried to hold Lance back from going after the empty bottle of sparkling wine that had rolled towards the pool. It was way out of reach, but Lance wouldn't let it go. Grabbing him by the sides, he hadn't wanted to grip him too tight, and that had apparently resulted in tickling his husband. Collapsed against him, Lance's chest heaved as he tried to recover his breath, Keith staring down at him and silently judging him for the idiot he is.

"You're really pretty"  
Reaching up, Lance bopped him on the nose, or rather he tried to, nearly impaling Keith's eye with his finger  
"And you're really drunk"  
"Mmmm. I'm buzzed"  
"You're really buzzed then"  
"Yep. I'd rather beer, but this is fun too"  
"You're a menace"  
"I know... want to do something fun?"  
That should have sent alarm bells off for Keith. Something fun always meant something mischievous  
"Oh? And what's that?"  
Blue eyes sparkled as Lance propped himself up  
"I dare you, too skinny dip in the pool"  
Laughing way too hard at the suggestion, Lance poked him in the chest  
"What? You chicken?"  
Keith was not chicken. As Lance brucked at him, Keith spluttered out  
"It's the Atlas"  
"Yep! I bet no one else has ever done it..."  
"That's because no one is crazy enough"  
"So you're scared of Shiro?"  
"I'm not scared of Shiro... I just..."  
"Fine. I bet you can't even swim that well either... big fat chickens can't swim"  
Keith bit. He bit hard. Drunk Keith was no chicken  
"I am not chicken! You better quiznakking watch this"  
"Watch what?"  
"Full lap, underwater without taking a breath"  
"Oooh! Is my big strong partner going to show little old me how it's done"  
Growling, Keith swept Lance up off the chair, Lance screaming and clutching on before Keith dropped him back down  
"I dare you to take your boots off and sit at the end of the pool"  
"Whaaa..."  
"Not in the water doofus. Close enough to talk"  
"Don't call me doofus, doofus"  
"Then don't be chicken, chicken"  
"You're lucky I don't Kentucky fry your arse right here"  
"I can't understand chicken"  
"And I can't understand a man who's stalling over a dare"

With a smirk on his lips, Keith reaches up and tore his shirt off. Literally. Buttons rolling across the space around the pool while Lance flushed bright red, biting his lip as he did  
"See something you like?"  
"Jesus Christ that was hot..."  
"Oh. Is that it. You wanted to see me naked?"  
"Dream on. I've already seen you naked"  
Enjoying making Lance squirm, Keith shrugged off his shirt, rushed to get his boots off, but then took his time to slowly strip down out of his jeans and boxer briefs. All of this reducing Lance to peeking through his fingers. His husband's scent was rolling off him in a way that had him grateful he wasn't popping a semi  
"Lance?"  
Peeking out, Lance quickly hid his eyes again  
"Get in the pool"  
"Why? You said skinny dipping"  
"You're too fucking hot! Get in the pool"  
"Fine... I want you by the edge when I get back"  
"Ok! Just go!"

Diving in, the cold water nearly took Keith's breath away. It wasn't that pool was cold, it was more than he was flushed from head to toe with embarrassment, and the desire to make out with Lance... Yeah. He was drunk and his husband was hot as hell. Plus, holding Lance and making him wriggle and laugh in his lap... He was only human... ish. Holding his breath, he swam his lap, rolling and pushing off the far wall to swim back again under water. Lance had called him a chicken, but he was a chicken who could swim.

Coming up, Lance had moved to sit by the edge of the water, closer than Keith had meant. Close enough for him to put both hands on Lance's bare knees. He still had his shirt and underwear on, but the jeans and boots had come off. Laughing, Lance took his hands off his knees, intertwining their fingers as he pushed back against him  
"Now who's chicken?"  
"Not you, Samurai. How's the water?"  
"Feels good. You should join me"  
"Mmmm... high and drunk in a pool. What could go wrong!?"  
"Touché. Still, the water feels nice"  
Letting go of Lance's hands, Keith swam a little backwards. Lance grabbing the third bottle they'd brought down. He must have popped the top while Keith was underwater. Taking a swig, Lance then held it out, Keith coming forward again to take the bottle  
"You should come in"  
"I don't know if I can... there's so much water"  
"Yeah, but I'm not about to let you drown. Do you trust me?"  
Lance nodded slowly, Keith clarifying before Lance's mood fell  
"As much as you can trust right now"  
"I do. More than everyone... I don't know how I could live if you broke it..."  
"Then trust me... you don't have to strip down"  
"My body... I'm scarred"  
"Babe, I've seen your body. Nothing about it disgusts me. I've got you"  
"Ok... Ok. I'm not ruining this shirt. And no funny business Mister, I'll have you know I'm an accidentally married man"  
"Your husband's a lucky bastard"  
"Jury's out on that one... That's a lot of water"  
"I know... Chicken"  
"Chicken" slipped out his mouth, for a moment Keith worried he'd fucked up, until Lance laughed  
"You're a quiznakking dick"

Sliding into the pool, Keith had his hands on Lance's waist as they took it slowly. Lance holding his breath and scrunching his eyes in an adorable way. Stealing a kiss, Lance spluttered, pushing Keith off and dropping into the water with a flailing splash. Coming up for air, Lance shot back up onto the edge of the pool  
"The fuck!"  
Keith shouldn't be laughing. He didn't mean to be laughing. Kicking out at him, Lance was shivering  
"You dropped me!"  
"I kissed you"  
"And I fell! I trusted you..."  
Kicking water at him, Keith swam backwards  
"I didn't mean to, babe. Are you ok?"  
"What do you think?!"  
Despite scolding him, Lance was smiling.

Swimming back to Lance, Keith placed his hand on his legs. Lance was already back into the sparkling wine. Running his hands up Lance's long caramel legs, Lance bopped him on the head with the wine bottle  
"What you doing?!"  
"Trying to apologise?"  
His excuse was weak, he didn't really know what he was doing except trying to get Lance to keep talking to him  
"You dropped me"  
"I kissed you. Will you come back? Please?"  
"And if I do, then what will happen?"  
"I don't know... maybe another kiss? Some swimming?"  
Massaging Lance's thighs with his thumbs, Lance hummed  
"Will you let me get in on my own this time?"  
"Yeah, babe. Just come back into the water"  
"I'm not going under water"  
"That's ok... we're both too drunk for that..."  
"Mmmm. I'm way too fucking buzzed. You're fucking naked and I'm in my underwear... makes me want to kiss you"  
"You want to kiss me?"  
"Mmm. Drunk me wants kisses"  
"Come down here then, I'll give you all those kisses"  
Drunk Keith was eager. The alcohol in his system liberating his tongue, as his caution and resolve slipped away. Lance was happy and smiling, loving him and wanting to touch him.

Playful splashes turned into fits of giggling, the bottle shared between them as Lance ended up with his legs around Keith's waist, letting Keith swim for both of them. Keith couldn't even remember what they were talking about, Lance was so goddamn beautiful that his brain had short-circuited. Swimming backwards, his husband leaned back holding the wine bottle up as arched his back and let one hand trail in the water. When Keith hit the side of the pool, he pulled Lance up. Lance's smile was blinding, staring down at him with arms slung over his shoulders, bottle clunking lightly as Lance dropped it behind them  
"I like this... I feel better..."  
"Good... God... You're so... so beautiful"  
Leaning down, Lance nuzzled against his face, his lips against Keith's  
"Thank you..."  
Pressing his lips to Keith's, Keith moaned into the kiss, hands scrambling to hold on as Lance rolled his hips, his hands coming to grab fistfuls of Keith's hair as they broke for air  
"Wow..."  
Rubbing his nose against Lance's, Keith nodded, his reply as breathy as Lance's  
"Wow..."  
"You're so beautiful... Like... way too hot and grizzled..."  
"You're the beautiful one, Lance"  
"Nope... I want to kiss you again"  
Finding his lips again, Keith was in heaven. Lance's pull on his hair felt hot as hell, his arse rubbing against Keith's erection like he didn't have a care in the world, kisses melting together  
"Keith... Keith..."  
Stroking Lance's hair, he was smiling like a moron  
"What baby..."  
"Can we... I want you..."  
"Babe..."  
"Please... I want to touch... you"

Moving to mouth at his neck, Keith groaned, head rolling back to give Lance more access. Lance's hand clumsily trying to get his underwear off  
"Babe... is this what you want? You won't regret it when you're sober?"  
"You make me feel brave... I want to know what it's like to be with the one I want. Not someone who wants to break me"  
"We don't need to... if..."  
"Baby, if it gets too much..."  
"I know, I'll tell you... I'm too drunk to be scared, and I want you too much right now... I want to be happy you"  
Sliding his hand down to Lance's arse, Keith slipped it under the fabric of his underwear, groping him firmly. Whining at the touch, Lance moved his hand to rest on top of Keith's, holding it there  
"I want to make you feel good"  
Kissing him, Lance nodded  
"It feels right when you hold me..."  
"I'm going to make you feel so good for me babe..."

Getting Lance's underwear off, Keith sat him on the side of the pool, burying his face between Lance's legs as he bobbed his head, sucking on Lance's semi. Ashamed he wasn't as hard as Keith, Lance had tried to close his legs, but Keith wasn't having it. He knew Lance wanted something more than a blow job, but they had to work up to that. He wanted Lance to feel loved and treasured, like he was, and he wanted him to fall apart for him. Clumsy and unsure, Lance's dick was the only one he'd ever had in his mouth so he only had his fantasies to live off. He'd never known sucking someone off would be so erotic, between his legs throbbing from the lack of attention. Whining and whimpering, Lance's tensed beneath him, Keith pulling back to look gaze up at him, purple eyes hazed with lust  
"Babe?"  
"I... don't think I can come like this..."  
He'd been blowing Lance long enough for his jaw to ache, Lance wasn't exactly small, even with only a semi  
"You don't feel good like this?"  
"I don't want to feel good alone... I feel empty... like I... I want you in me"  
"I don't want to hurt you"  
"You won't..."  
"Lie back for me..."

Confused, Lance did as he asked, Keith lifting Lance's legs onto his shoulders and angling Lance up to grant him access to Lance's wet arse. Cautiously, Keith ran his tongue across his opening, Lance mewing and arching, his taste like honey, mixing with the salt of precum and the sweetness of the wine on his lips  
"Fuck... you taste fucking amazing"  
Applying himself to the fleshy folds, Keith ate hungrily, tongue fucking Lance as he tried to drink deeper. The Cuban loser and wetter than he'd thought he'd be. Moaning his name over and over, Keith was losing it. His fingers digging into his soft skin as Lance rocked his hips. Releasing one of Lance's hips, Keith took his dick in his hand, pumping in time with Lance riding his tongue. He wanted to be in his boyfriend, the heat in his blood sparking into a boiling rapture  
"Keith... want it... with you"

Pushing Lance back from the edge, Keith climbed up between his legs, drinking the sight in. Lance's abs, his long lean muscles, the sharp jut of his hip bones and the soft trail of brown pubes leading down like the treasure trail it was  
Reaching his arms up, Lance wrapped his legs around his waist, drawing him closer. His hold warm and welcoming, his lips sweet as they found Keith's. Rubbing against his lover's opening, Keith couldn't simply push in. He worried his tongue wasn't enough to open Lance. He didn't want to hurt him. It was awkward as hell getting his arm untangled from Lance, his fingers sliding over his soft buttock to find his opening, carefully pushing his thumb into the twitching opening  
"Ah!... Keith!"  
"I know, babe... bare with it for me"  
Working his thumb, he wasn't opening Lance well enough. Pulling out, he pushed two fingers in, Lance whimpering as Keith felt him stretch, and pulse around his fingers  
"You're doing so well... so well, babe"  
"Feels... different"  
"You're ok, though?"  
"Mmm... only because it's you"

Stretching Lance to take three fingers, Keith grew nervous as he removed his fingers. Lance was clinging to him back, fingernails tearing as his skin as he moaned into his mouth. Sliding as he tried to line himself up, Keith's cheeks burned. He couldn't fuck this up. It all had to be perfect... he felt like an amateur as he guided himself to breach Lance with the tip of his dick. Lance's breathing hitching at the intrusion  
"I can stop"  
"No! No... please... go slow"  
So he did. As slow as he could until he bottomed up, both of them moaning, Keith kind of glad he was too drunk to care about the sounds they were making. Jerking his hips back, he slammed in hard, Lance's back bowing as he smacked his head against the floor  
"Fuck... Keith... slower"

Rabbits had more fineness than Keith had. He didn't know how long he was supposed to last, and he didn't want to pull out. Trying to build some kind of rhythm, Lance smelt incredible, Keith all grunts and growls as he lost control, picking up the pace until Lance was reduced to incoherent mumbling. The sounds around them completely obscene, the wet slapping of skin was erotic as hell. He couldn't last but wanted to wring an orgasm out Lance first. Nuzzling his face against Lance's, he kissed his nose as he missed his lips  
"Babe... are you close?"  
"Mmm. So close... don't stop... don't... pull out..."  
"You want me to pull out when I come?"  
"No... want it... want to feel you... take pills..."  
"Ok... gonna come soon. You feel fucking amazing..."  
"You... feel like... you feel like you're getting bigger... gonna... gonna... fuuuuuck!"

Coming hard straight after Lance screaming fuck, biting Lance's shoulder he rode him without roughly until he found he couldn't pull out, his orgasm the most extreme of his life, torn from somewhere deep inside of him as thick ropes of cum flooded into Lance. Collapsing down between Lance' legs, Keith licked his lips over and over again, trying to catch his breath. Lance shaking just as hard as he was beneath him  
"Babe?"  
"I..."  
"Ok, hold on"

Trying to pull out, Keith felt like his dick was stuck inside of Lance. He couldn't move at all, still coming for some strange reason. Rolling them over was the only thing he could do, Lance whimpering as his whole weight pushed against Keith's groin. Sitting up, Lance was pliant in his hands, as Keith arranged them so Lance's face was against his neck. Holding Lance close he rocked him softly  
"Shhh, you're ok babe. You're ok. You're with me"  
"I know... Keith... I... feel so... confused... I'm so happy... and I feel guilty"  
"You feel guilty?"  
"I wanted to have sex... I don't want to have sex... I don't know what I want but I feel... you feel... you're not like them"  
"Did it feel good?"  
"Yes... I... sex disgusts me... and... I got scared when I came... you felt so good... you... weren't like them"  
"Of course I wasn't. I love you. I want to cherish and treasure you, you idiot"  
"I felt like I was melting. Is that what it's supposed to feel like?"  
"It felt pretty incredible from where I am"  
"Your dick's so big..."  
Snorting, Keith kissed Lance's temple  
"I've never come that hard. Ever. Are you sure your body's ok?"  
"Mmm... I take contraceptives daily..."  
"That's not quite what I meant. I... got a bit rough after you came"  
"I didn't feel it... I think I'm too drunk too... you know... I don't even know what I feel right now"  
"Do you regret it?"  
"No... you were so soft and caring. They didn't... take time, you know... it hurt so much, Keith. So much... I was bleeding and screaming and they would stop. They wouldn't listen to me..."  
"Babe..."  
Shaking his head, Lance sat up and wiped his eyes  
"Thank you... I... I didn't think I could have this... Swimming. Being on the Atlas. Kissing you. Having sex... I couldn't have done any of this without you"  
"You're going to make me cry"  
"You're a big softy under that mullet"  
"It's a special Lance privilege. And it's not a fucking mullet. Not anymore"  
"So you admit it used to be?!"  
"You're never going to let this go, are you?"  
"Nope. Keith, can I ask you something?"  
"What?"  
"Do we have any more wine?"  
"I don't know. You had it last"  
"Fuck... I wasn't done drinking"  
"We did fuck. I think we should get up and probably take shower"  
"I have a better idea"  
"What's that?"  
Leaning in to whisper in his ear, his boyfriend was a shit.

Carrying Lance to the changing rooms near the pool, they were a fumbling mess as Keith got them the to showers. Blindly turning on the taps, Lance growled. They'd found that bottle near Keith's feet, Keith finishing the last of the bottle while Lance yelled at him. Ridiculously drunk, the full effects of the copious amounts of alcohol they'd consumed running through their system. Kissing, nipping, nuzzling, licking, biting. Lance couldn't get enough of him, and Keith was ready for round two. Turning them around, Keith pinned Lance to the wall, thrusting up as Lance ground down  
"Joder! Joder... por favor... Keith! On the floor... on the floor... want to.. fucking ride you so hard"  
"Fuck... Lance..."

Tumbling to the floor with zero grace, Lance guided himself to sink down on Keith's erection. The view amazing, as Lance ran his hands over his skin. Trying to take his hands, Lance growled at him  
"No touching... watching only"  
Shit. He could do that. Propping himself up, Lance was driving him crazy. The itch to touch growing as he watched himself sliding in and out of Lance with ease, his lover's long legs spread ungainly to reveal everything. His dick was leaking before they even made it into the changing rooms, heat pulsing low in his groin, organs already impending  
"You like this?"  
Nodding quickly, Lance smiled at him  
"Good... you fill me so good..."  
"Fuck babe... I'm going to come again"  
"Not so fast... want to come with you... feels fucking amazing bouncing on your dick... being on top... watching you... so fucking hot for me"  
Lance still hadn't gone above a semi, precum dribbling for the half limp length, he didn't get hard properly the first time, but they'd get there...  
"You're fucking beautiful... so fucking good... I can feel my cum... you feel so full"  
Lance nodded, hands moving to Keith's hips to steady himself. His love was probably exhausted  
"Feel so full... feels good to be full of the one I want"  
Fuck... he wished Lance wasn't on his contraceptives... a swollen belly would be hot as hell... fuck. Yeah. He could support that. Thrusting up, Lance let out a gasp  
"Like that baby?"  
"Mmm... it's deeper... right against... right... fuck..."  
Fuck not touching. Placing his hands on lance's hips, he took control, thrusting up desperately while holding Lance in place. Gasping and whining, at him, Lance dropped a hand to jerk himself hard and fast, Keith coming before Lance, Lance letting out a small little "hiccup", before cum ran down his hand to drip on Keith's belly. The water pouring down from above washing away the mess before he could taste it. Collapsing back onto the tiled floor, Keith was pretty sure this had to be a dream. Pushing against his belly, Lance gave up when he couldn't slide off  
"What's up with your dick? Is this a you thing?"  
"It feels swollen..."  
"Hurt to try and pull off..."  
"Don't hurt yourself, baby, come down here"  
Patting his stomach, Lance laid down along top him, rubbing his chin against him  
"I'm sleepy"  
"I think you fucked my brains out"  
"Sleepy not horny"  
Chuckling affectionately, Keith agreed  
"I'll clean us up and take us to bed... just gotta stop coming"  
"You come a lot"  
"Because you're hotter than hell"  
Lance snorted, rubbing harder with his chin before kissing Keith's chest  
"Damn right... and all that.."  
"I love you, you know"  
"I do... Keith, how are we going to get out of here? We didn't bring a towel, or our clothes"  
"There should be spare towels in here... besides, what's a little nudity between husbands?"  
"I don't want to run around naked"  
"Babe, you do realise we had sex by the pool, naked. And I carried this perfect arse of yours over here, while we were naked and making out..."

Lance's head shot up, his eyes wide as he looked around  
"What? What's wrong?"  
"Keith... does the Atlas have cameras down here...?"  
Realisation dawned on him. There wouldn't be cameras in the changing room. Just the pool area and the entranceway to the changing rooms in case something happened  
"Oh fuck... Shiro's going to kill us..."  
"Can we get the footage? Please tell me can get the footage, Keith"  
"Maybe... hopefully... shit..."  
"Fuck... I forgot about the cameras"  
Keith didn't mind who saw him fucking Lance, Lance was his. Buuut, he also didn't want anyone other than him seeing Lance naked and vulnerable  
"Babe, we'll get the footage. We'll call it "Don't let Shiro know we got trashed and shagged on the Atlas""  
"Did you just say shagged?"  
Huffing, Keith would have crossed his arms if he could  
"What should I call it then? We made love?"  
Lance wrinkled his nose  
"I'll take shagged over that... but it sounds like the 1980s are calling. Maybe you're channelling it with your mullet. Are you going to want leg warmers next?"  
Glaring at Lance, Keith brought his teasing to an end with one small sentence  
"Do you want that footage or not?"  
"I'll behave..."  
"That makes a first... Right. First, we need to get out of here..."


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30... 30  
> Is killing me... remember me. I loved you all... and was so very appreciative.
> 
> Sooo. Most of this chapter is a recount after all the initial shenanigans. How Curtis copes, I have no idea...
> 
> And point three  
> Drunk Keith is soooo very in love with Drunk Lance

Operation "Don't let Shiro know we got trashed and shagged on the Atlas" wasn't progressing as stealthily as Keith and Lance thought it was. Giggling and "whispering" the pair were darting through the halls like it was an undercover mission, watching each other's sixes when they weren't tripping over each other or hushing at each other for being too loud. Neither idiot realised they swapped shirts, and that tucking Keith's torn shirt into Lance's jeans didn't really do anything when it was still open.

Getting to the command room from the pool meant sneaking past the party, Lance tackling Keith as the rounded the corridor to the room, clamping his hand over Keith's mouth, the pair watched as Veronica and Acxa slipped out, Keith licking his palm when Lance didn't take his hand off his mouth right away. Waiting for the pair to disappear, Keith broke the silence  
"Your sister just left with my sister"  
"That's what happens when you're dating"  
"Do you think they're going to..."  
Clamping his back over Keith's mouth, Lance didn't want to know  
"I don't want to think about who my sister fucks. That's gross dude. Right. We need to get to the end of the hall. Ready?"  
Keith's reply was muffled by his hand, Lance realising and moving it away  
"I said, yes. We've gotta stay silent"  
"Ok. Let's go..."

Shushing each other loudly, the edged along the corridor, so close to the goal in their drunken minds... so close and oh so far. Darting past the door, Lance waved Keith over, only Keith screwed up their mission, running headfirst into Shiro's leg. Falling back, Lance hushed Keith as he Keith looked up at Shiro  
"They can't see us if we don't make a noise"  
Crawling around Shiro, Keith nodded, like they hadn't been seen  
"I don't think he noticed us"  
"Good. We need to keep moving"

A voice came from his side, Lance not thinking about the fact it wasn't Keith's  
"What's the plan again?"  
Sighing dramatically, Lance replied without thinking  
"To get to the command room and get the footage. You're supposed to remember the mission Keith"  
"Why do we need to get the footage again?"  
"So Shiro doesn't know we boned near the pool"  
Looking towards Keith, Shiro's face was right there. Screaming, Lance twisted, retreating backwards in some kind of weird crab crawl  
"Hi, Lance. Something you want to tell me?"  
"What?! Pfft. No. I don't know what you're talking about... Keith and I were just... going for a walk... Yeah, a walk. You know. Exercise and all that"  
Crawling over to him, Keith put his hand over Lance's mouth, hushing him loudly  
"Lance, shut up. He's gonna find out we fucked and then he's gonna be mad that we had sex by the pool and that we skinny-dipped on his ship. Come on..."  
Dragging Lance backwards, Lance waved at Shiro. His mind wasn't processing that they'd said all that to Shiro or in front of him. He didn't get why Shiro was laughing so hard he had to lean on Curtis for support.

Reaching the end of the hall, Keith finally let him get back onto his hands and knees, both of them peaking around the next corner. With their mind on the goal, they didn't see Shiro and Curtis were following them. Being more sober than his partner, Curtis looked like he was questioning all his life choices as they stalked the pair. Making it halfway down the hall, Lance suddenly felt sick. Swallowing down, he saw a trash can across the hall on a diagonal. Breaking formation, he bolted for the trash can, throwing his guts up when he reached it. Forgetting the whole point of why they were crawling as they did. Looking to Keith, Keith darted over to the join him, his husband staring down at the mess in the bin  
"I think I threw up"  
"I think you did too..."  
"I think I'm going to throw up again"  
"Ok... but you've got to be quiet, Shiro's going to find us"  
"Why is Shiro looking for..."  
Throwing up, his eyes watered as something got stuck in his nose, Keith patting his back sympathetically while Lance hugged the bin  
"Because he doesn't want us having sex"  
Oooh. They'd had sex...  
"That's right! The footage!"  
Yelling, Keith tackled him. A finger to his lips  
"Not so loud..."  
"I don't feel very good. I think I threw up..."  
Breathing all over Keith's face, Keith scrunched his face up  
"You did. But you're still beautiful"  
"Awww. You think I'm beautiful?"  
"Of course I do babe"  
"I think you're pretty beautiful too"

"What are you two doing?"  
Looking up at Shiro, Lance burst into tears  
"Don't be mad at Keith! We had sex near the pool..."  
"Lance!"  
Looking to Keith sadly, Lance hiccuped as he sobbed  
"I don't want him to be mad at you..."  
"We weren't going to tell him"  
"But it's space dad! He makes you tell him things"  
"Babe, you don't need to cry. Here, come here"  
Prying him off the bin, Keith manoeuvred him into his lap  
"I don't want him to be mad at you!"  
"You let me worry about that"  
Drunk Lance was now distressed Lance  
"Shiro's scary when he's mad!"  
"He's not going to hurt you"  
"I don't want him to hate me!"

Feeling a large hand on his head, distressed Lance looked up to a smiling Shiro  
"Hey, Kiddo. Are you alright?"  
Sniffling and shaking his head, Lance was already forgetting why he was crying  
"I threw up in your bin..."  
That had to be why he was crying  
"It's alright. You're not the only one. Matt had to take Pidge down to her room. She threw up on her feet"  
Lance wrinkled his nose  
"Is she ok?"  
Shiro nodded ruffling his hair  
"Yeah, she's ok. Why don't you let Keith take you back to the Telula?"  
"Can he do that?"  
Looking from Shiro to Keith, Lance repeated his question  
"Can you do that? I don't feel good. I think I threw up"  
"Of course I can... I don't mind carrying you around"  
Lance nodded, sniffling loudly  
"It feels nice when it's you. Sex with you feels really nice too"  
Mentally Shiro was rolling his eyes at both of them, Curtis looked done. Keith was ignoring both of them with all his attention on his sad husband  
"Sex with you feels really good too, babe. Want me to carry you?"  
Wrapping his arms around Keith, Lance nodded  
"Please? My stomach hurts, so does my butt"  
"Ok, babe. Let's go back our bed"  
"Where's Kosmo? I want Kosmo"  
"I don't know, babe..."  
"Oh. Ok..."

Shiro helped Keith lift up a drunk Lance. Lance resting his head on Keith's shoulder. Patting Lance's back, Shiro then gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. His former leader talking to Keith instead of him  
"I'll take care of the footage. You take care of him"  
"Thanks, Shiro... sorry we fucked on your ship"  
"Just go take care of Lance. Goodnight Lance"  
Waving sleepily at Shiro, Lance loved it when Keith carried him like this  
"Night night, Shiro... I like you better as Shiro. Kuron was a dick"

As Keith started walking away from Shiro and Curtis, the couple were holding hands. Looking to his boyfriend, Shiro sighed deeply  
"I think all the footage from tonight is going to have to go missing"  
"Who knew he had it in him?"  
"From the sounds of it, Lance was the one with it in him"  
Elbowing him in the ribs, Curtis was done with his boyfriends shit  
"Come on, Cur. Don't be like that"  
"You're sleeping alone tonight, Takashi"  
"Curtis?!"  
Walking away in the opposite direction, his boyfriend left him to run after him.

*  
Snoring himself awake, Lance winced. Laying sprawled over Keith, and half off the bed, his head was throbbing like a quiznak as he stared at the floor. Slowly crawling back up the bed, Lance grabbed for Keith, flopping against him, with a long moan. In his extremely hungover state, his brain felt full of sludge... It took a full three doboshes for the memories from the previous night to come back... He and Keith... oh god. He'd gone and fucking done it now... Oooh... double fuck... they'd gone skinny dipping... Shiro was going to kill him... Shaking Keith's shoulder, Keith groaned at him  
"Lance?"  
"How much do you remember from last night?"  
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Keith waved at him  
"Too much English. Not enough brain"  
Lance was heading straight towards panic town, shaking him again, Lance felt himself tearing up  
"Keith. Come on... I need you to get it together for me"  
"God... not so loud... last night? Um... we skipped out on Hunk's party... you dared me to skinny dip... we drank... oh fuck!"  
Shooting up in bed, Keith's expression said it all. Lance climbing back, startled by how fast Keith was moving  
"We... you and me... us... we like... had sex. Oh fuck, Lance. Are you ok? Do you feel ok? I didn't hurt you did I?"  
Wrapping his arms around his legs, Lance shook his head. His heart was fucking racing as he tried to remember that breathing was a thing  
"No... no... but we did... I didn't imagine that"  
"No. Are you sure you're ok? The last thing I remember was you throwing up in the bathroom"  
Lance's memory didn't extend that far...  
"I don't... I think... we ran into Shiro and I threw up. I think. My head fucking hurts"  
"Shiro said he wasn't mad at you for throwing up, and told me to look after you. We came down here and you spent most of the night throwing before falling asleep against the toilet" 

Groaning miserably, Lance cursed himself. He didn't know how he felt about having sex with Keith... he'd... the pain in his hips... yeah, he'd definitely done it. Why was... Why had he... He loved Keith, the best he could, but sober Lance wasn't as brave as drunk Lance. So why did he feel warm as he peaked at Keith's face? They'd done that... that thing he couldn't do when he was sober. That thing he didn't know if he wanted to do when he was sober... He'd wanted to do it with Keith. He'd wanted to do it with him one day... And Keith... Keith had been so considerate. When Lance had started to panic, Keith had slowed his pace without even realising. He'd been so soft and warm as his heat wrapped around him. He had been so gentle as he asked if he was alright, if that was what Lance really wanted. The smouldering embers of lust had caught when fuelled by the flames of alcohol. Keith swimming in the pool naked. The way the droplets of water rolled down his skin from his hair. The way they whispered and giggled like the world was their own. The way Keith held him in the water until he finally found his fear eroding. Keith had given him so much... but how did he look at him now? He adored him. He was his rock and anchor. And now they'd slept together... Hiding his face against his knees, his body shook.

"Babe, you need to slow your breathing for me"  
"I... I'm sorry..."  
"What are you sorry for?"  
"I can't... I didn't mean to... pressure you... I..."  
Filled with guilt and conflict, Lance trailed off  
"Hey. No... here, look at me, babe"  
Timidly Lance looked up, Keith smiling softly at him  
"I love you. You didn't pressure me. If you want to forget last night, we can. Whatever you need. But last night was amazing. You... you're amazing. And so fucking beautiful..."  
"I don't know what to feel now"  
"You look hungover"  
Lance nodded at Keith's suggestion. Keith was clearly worried for him, he owed him a proper explanation  
"I feel hungover... but you and last night. I wanted you so much. I felt like I was in heat. You were so kind to me... they were never... they didn't care... They didn't prep me or anything. It hurt so much Keith, I felt like I was being torn to pieces from the inside. They never cared about what I wanted. They never cared about how much it hurt. I never got to choose and they never let me... they always kept me held down. You... were so soft against me... I don't know what to do... I don't know to feel loved during sex, not like last night"  
"Do you remember what I told you? I want to treasure you"

Lance sniffled, Keith opening his arms, presenting him with the option of running away  
"You're too good for me... How can you love someone like me?"  
"Because there's nothing wrong with you. I know you're confused, Lance. But last night I had so much fun with you. Not just having sex, or kissing you and touching you. Playing with you in the pool, laughing about stuff I don't even know. Sneaking around trying to avoid Shiro, then running right into him. Seeing you so happy, all of it"

Crawling into Keith's arms, Lance was still tense  
"I don't regret sleeping having sex with you and that scares me. I don't know what we are all over again. Husbands? Boyfriends? Fuck buddies?"  
"Lance, we're exactly the same as we were before. We don't need labels. Just because some alien princess says we're married, doesn't mean we have to rush things. I told you this. I stand by what I said. If I was no good, it's because I hadn't done it before... you"

He'd forgotten that. Keith was a virgin. He'd had his own virginity torn from him.

"Keith, you were amazing. You... god you made me feel like I was normal. Like I could enjoy sex with the man I want to spend my life with. There was nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. I couldn't think of anything except how you felt against me... I didn't hear him. I didn't feel them. I didn't see her... I remember you cleaned me up too. They never did that. I spent days naked, covered in blood and cum..."  
Lance choked with emotion, Keith resting his forehead against his arm  
"I hate them. I hate them so much. You were my best friend. I was so in love with you and I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I was never fucking there in time. Every time I see how much they hurt you, I want to kill them. I hate them... I'm so fucking scared that this won't stop... Shiro... Mum... they want to go to that outpost. I don't want you to be there. I can't ask you not to be. I can't do that to you. But I'm scared I'll lose you"  
Crying against him, Lance shifted to hold Keith. He could count one hand the number of times he'd seen Keith cry  
"Keith... Keith, shh. Hey. You were never too late. I was too early"  
"That makes no sense"  
"None of this does. We should get up and shower. I have no idea what the time is..."  
"Yeah... you're probably right. But are you sure you're ok with... with being with me?"  
"Keith you're the only one I can trust to have my back... I don't know what I'd ever do if you broke that trust. I don't think I want to drink for a while, but thank you for showing me what it feels like to be connected with the one you want... my accidental-space-husband"  
"You know my head keeps calling you my husband..."  
"I do too. Only we could get married and not know about it"  
Keith sat up to wipe at his eyes  
"Shiro would laugh his head off if he knew"  
"Yeah. Then we'd be lectured about drinking strange alien church wine given to us by princesses"  
"And standing in weird golden circles"  
"On weird grey planets"  
"In weird cave systems"  
Feeling his lips tug into a smile, maybe last night had been a good thing after all...?

*  
Messaging Keith while he'd been in the shower, Shiro asked him to bring the data he had from their mission to the conference room. Lance was acting a little skittish, but he seemed to be doing better than Keith expected. They'd had sex. Amazing. Mind-blowing. Out of this world. Sex. And Lance didn't hate him for it. He could understand his lover's confusion. The fear Lance felt about being so open and vulnerable before him, and the fears he still held over intimacy. The alcohol had broken Lance's walls, as had the mood they'd built between them as they'd swam around the pool. Fuck... he felt like he could still feel Lance on his skin, taste the sweetness of his wetness as he'd eaten eagerly. He'd needed to spend a few doboshes under cold water to kill the impulses a horny Lance brought to mind. And what had been with his dick... that had never happened before. He'd never known he could come like that.

Heading back to their room, Lance was already dressed. Keith filling him in on Shiro's request so Lance could collect the things they needed for the meeting while he got ready. In the end, they weren't alone as they headed up to the conference room. Daehra, Lucteal, and Zak in toe, as Daehra and Lucteal because they knew their father's ways, and Zak because it was his program that made passing through everything possible on the way to the outpost. Lance was quiet and withdrawn, sucking on a water pouch as they walked, something Keith wished he'd done too. His throat was dry as hell, though he didn't feel hungover like Lance did.

Shiro and Krolia were there to meet them as they reached the conference room. Waiting inside was his old team, three members of the Blades, Curtis, Coran, Sam Holt, and Kolivan's image on the bottom right of the huge screen on the far wall from where he'd been patched through to the meeting. Keith couldn't blame Lance as he stepped backwards. There were far more people than Keith had expected too. He knew logically that something like this couldn't be handled on the low down, but he also believed that Lance had a point with the fact that if Earth and Daibazaal interfered it wouldn't go over well. Sitting down between his mother and Lance, Lance shifted his chair closer to Lucteal who was on his other side. Keith hadn't noticed before, but Lance was wearing a bodysuit under his clothes, like protecting himself from whatever happened in the room.

Standing at the head of the table, Shiro cleared his throat  
"I'd like to thank you for being present. It has come to our attention that a grievous violation of rights has been occurring, due to the efforts of Keith and Lance. A larger number of ships have gone missing from the Ghazex quadrant in space..."  
Lance's soft sigh stopped Shiro  
"Lance?"  
"If you're going to explain it, you need to start from the start"  
There was a subtle shift in the air in the room like Lance wasn't supposed to be interrupting Shiro. Clearing his throat, Coran injected  
"Perhaps... Lance should explain what he means?"  
Keith knew Shiro wanted to make things as easy on Lance as possible. Lance however much he didn't want to talk about it, also knew that Shiro didn't understand everything  
"Do you mind if I take over?"  
"Not at all"

Taking his seat, Shiro watched as Lance stood. Tapping on his black communicator, files appeared on the screen at the end of the room  
"The first thing you need to understand is that where this all occurred, first started on Erathus..."  
Manipulating the files, Lance pulled up a map of space  
"This orange square is where we are currently. The green circle denotes Erathus"  
Zooming out on the map, the white line between the two locations was still significant. Tapping his communicator, a red box appeared around a sector of space, Erathus towards the bottom left-hand corner of it  
"This is the area of space I work. We don't call them quadrants. We call them sectors..."  
The red box on the screen filled with a grid pattern  
"There are 62 sectors. The space between planets is vast, and none of these planets received help from Voltron. This means most of the population in the area had become extinct or was forced to go below ground. It also means that it was the ideal place in space to set up illegal trade. You can buy anything you want in this sector. Drugs. Guns. Slaves. Prostitutes. Explosives. Underage youths. Weapons of mass destruction. You get the idea. Everything is for sale depending on price and those with morals need not apply"  
Tapping the screen on his comms again, the grid dropped away, and purple star appeared towards the top right corner of the box  
"This is the prison outpost for the area. Much like the Blade's original home base, you can only enter at certain times of the day, and the size of the ships are restricted. Time moves differently there. Depending on where you in that sector, a varga can equal anything up to a week outside of it. Originally experimentation was being carried out there. A practice that was supposed to have been outlawed for the more ethical detainment of being kept in a storage pod, or being sent to a mining moon in the area. As you can see, there is some distance between Erathus and the prison..."

Taking a breath, Lance manipulated the map so an orange square came up in the red box  
"This is Ghazex. For the last deca-phoeb at least, there have been disappearances from this sector. It was the loss of a Blade member that finally brought this to the attention of Kolivan and Krolia, and through them Keith, then myself and my team. A drug ship going missing is hardly something Erathus can investigate legally. Erathus is corrupt from top to bottom, they are also top dog in the area. They will nose their way into any case they want, and they will fudge the facts to suit. But we'll get to that. Using the contacts I have, this list is what we were able to ascertain of a rough guess at how many ships have gone missing. We can confirm cases like Guile through the Blades, but during my time working with the Erathus police as a bounty hunter, I was informed on other incidents, when "goods" on their way to the police force went missing"

Pausing again, Lance took another breath. Shiro looked ready to faint overall Lance had been running around and getting up to. Keith wasn't sure how he felt. It felt like Lance was commanding the room and fuck that felt amazing to see, but knowing all of it, the pride he felt conflicted with his worry for Lance's mental wellbeing.

"I've gotten ahead of myself again. I apologise. We need to discuss the now dead diplomat Klearo, whom I was employed by for a short time, and investigated..."  
Pulling a picture of Klearo to the top of the screen, Lance enlarged it. Keith could make out Lance in the background of Klearo giving some speech with mammoth-sized Galra by his side  
"These were Klearo's personal guard. Nothing got past them. What they lacked in intelligence they made up in muscle. Klearo was obsessed with the Red Lion and getting his hands on the power that having such a status symbol would mean. As such, he formed a cult. The followers each had a red branding on their arms in the shape of a stylised red "y" with two dots..."  
Lance pulled up a hand-drawn image showing the branding  
"Before parting ways with him, only one of these Galra survived the ship exploding. He decided to show me such a good time that I couldn't help but return the favour..."

There was lightness in Lance's voice that made pretty much everyone uncomfortable. They knew he'd blown the ship, and were all guessing at the "why?" part.

"After that, I was lucky enough to meet the two actually decent police officers on Erathus. Kre'el, and Helo..."  
Putting faces to heard names was wildly different from what Keith had imagined them as. Lance having to pause again at the images on the screen  
"Both are missing assumed dead. We will get to this"  
The two photos of the officers were moved to the top corner of the screen out of the way.

"As I had intimate knowledge of how Klearo operated, Kre'el invited me to join her investigation. Klearo had pretty much paid her bosses to look the other way and drop the case. She couldn't legally chase him, and I had all the time in the world. Registering me as a bounty hunter was the logical step for both of us. Moving into the club called The Guilded Cage, which was run by one of her family members, I set up base. From there I was able to collect information and aid in arrests while working the case on Klearo. It took a while, but I finally tracked him down with the help of a lead on a missing princess who'd been sold to him. Kre'el was... let's just say she had all the qualities of a Paladin, and Helo would have jumped through every circle of hell for her"

Reaching for a glass of water from the centre of the table, no one spoke as Lance paused to drink. No one knew what to say, or felt the right to say anything. Placing the glass down, Lance smiled  
"Sorry. Unfortunately, the short version leaves too much out. This is Princess Annla. She is of the Royal blooding on Daehra and Lucteal's planet"  
A selfie of Annla popped up on the screen. Lance had clearly done her hair. The poor girl looked battered and bruised but was smiling a happy smile at the camera  
"Landing my pod on the planet, I geared up. Let's just say that prostitutes are severely underestimated when it comes to knowing who the best sellers on a planet were. As this wasn't an Erathian sanctioned mission, everything was coming out of the money I was making as a low-level bounty hunter. While scoping out the area, assessing numbers, it was here that I met Daehra and Lucteal. Who'd come to rescue their sister. Fast forwarding, Klearo and most of his men were eliminated and Annla returned safely to her family. So the leader of the Red Lion cult was dealt with and this should have been the end of things. Contacting Kre'el, she informed me that the ones remaining had been taken care of, as in moved out to the prison outpost"

Keith knew exactly what fast-forwarding was skipping. Coran looked ready to ask what Lance meant, but Sam Holt placed his hand on his arm before he could. Keith knowing that Lance having to skip parts of his story were probably giving Coran ulcers or upsetting his space worm.

"... Returning Annla to her family, it was decided that Daehra and Lucteal would stay with me. After that, we took in larger jobs. Everything from meet and buys to get drugs and weapons out of circulation, to liberating falsely accused people and slaves. With Voltron being hated by most people in the area, I use the name, Leandro. People wouldn't take aid from an ex-Paladin who'd let them down the first time around, but when they couldn't see my face, they would accept aid from Leandro. Buying, selling, and swapping, we built up what needed. We changed the system so bounty hunters weren't killing each other on dangerous jobs by going in solo and weren't trying to kill each other over a bounty. It didn't work for everyone, but we managed to lower crime. The only thing we couldn't do anything about were the disappearances. Eventually, things escalated. Kre'el couldn't keep a leash on her pet bounty hunter and with her idealistic notions, she moved out to the prison outpost..."

An image of the outpost appeared on the screen. It seemed to have been from their joint mission out there.

"... Now. I know I've talked a lot and your wondering how this comes together. Recently a bounty of 1.5 billion GAC was put on my head by the Erathian government, and the disappearances were pinned on me. My friend Helo was one of those who disappeared. And given that after the Erathian police tried to kill me and failed, they needed another way to come after me. Oh... I didn't mention that part. Basically, they didn't like my team cleaning up their area too much. A certain element of under the table deals is required to keep a government running. Lofty ideal and dreams don't bring in the tourists when you're selling a taboo-free paradise for the right price. I knew too much... and they kind of shot me down and left me for dead. Annnny way. Thinking that Klearo was the end of the cult was my error. What I think happened was that Klearo was manipulated into the position he was in by having his ego fed. As I said, you need merchandise to make the money go round. You can strip a ship down. You can sell the crew and cargo, and if you have friends that have control over a sector-wide prison, you have a great disposal system for hiding people away until you have need of them later"

Taking another sip of his water, Keith desperately wanted Lance to stop talking. He wanted him to sit in his lap and hide him away from the world.

"I believe that the head of the Erathian police force is being bribed by the same organisation as the one Klearo worked for. I mean. I know they're being bribed. And I know some other stuff that I really didn't want to, but what makes me think that the organisation may be behind it all is this. It's kind of... gross"

Pulling up an image taken off the recording of their little trip to the outpost. It was of the second room where the body parts had been separated. An aura of mass repulsion filled the space. Lance looking at blankly as he continued.

"... with the medical miracles we've come across in space, there are those pushing those limits and seeking immortality. Everything can be brought for a price. You have a daughter who needs a kidney, or a cousin who lost a leg. That kind of thing. Plus there are developing civilisations who need remains to practice on. People cost money when they're alive, they make money when they're dead. Not all cultures embrace respecting the dead, and not all cultures are in the position to. Pointing out the ethics of it all is like trying to count the grains of sand on a beach. It all comes down to supply and demand. Now. I've had a lot of time to think about this, and what I firmly believe cements my theory is this..."

The image that appeared was of the status cylinder with the piece of shit that'd raped his lover in it. The picture was cropped down, Lance zooming in on the brand on his arm  
"I was told that they had been dealt with. The specimen within the tube was dead, yet they preserved that body. What's a better warning to those in the organisation than a dead comrade? Everyone's chicken shit in the end. You do what you're told and you don't ask questions if you've got mouths to feed and all that. Now. I think Krolia has been conducting her own investigation into these affairs. I'll turn things over to her"

Sitting heavily, Lance cleared his files from the screen. Krolia taking several long ticks before standing  
"Thank you, Lance. That does clear up a number of threads and loose ends for us. I would first like to play the video footage of your mission with Keith when you went to enquire if Guile had been arrested. You have seen video from the film, and it is quite long. I think we could all use some time to think and process things"  
Tapping her own comms, the video recorded by Keith's camera began, his mother sitting back down.

As everyone's attention turned to the video on the screen, Krolia moved closer to him. Keith's heart was racing as he studied Lance's face. He could see the pain, especially in the corners of Lance's eyes  
"Lance"  
Looking to Krolia, his boyfriend looked even worse face on  
"Can I speak with you for a moment?"  
"Ah. I mean, sure. What is it?  
"I simply wanted to express my sorry over all that has happened to you. Keeping the peace is a hard job, and you should be proud of your courage and strength"  
Lance sounded unsure, Keith not understanding what his mother was trying to tell his love  
"Oh... thank you"  
"If you ever wish to discuss what was forced upon you, or need advice, please know you can talk to me"  
Lance's scent shifted. His love drawing his brow  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"I know more happened then torture"  
Lance sucked in a sharp breath, his denial fast  
"Nothing happened"  
"I know that they violated you. I know you must have been afraid, but you are strong"

Keith clenched his hands into fists, whisper yelling  
"Mum!"  
Hissing at him, Lance was livid  
"You told her?!"  
"I..."  
"I fucking trusted you"  
"Keith sent me the full video by mistake... I edited that from it but I want you to know, how brave you are. If you need anything, we are all here for you"  
Rising from his seat, Lance bolted from the room. Growling at his mother, Keith knew what had happened had seriously hurt Lance, and he'd be lucky if Lance gave him a chance to explain  
"What the fuck was that?!"  
Climbing from his chair, Keith ran after Lance.

*  
Lance couldn't breathe. Tears poured from his eyes as he alternated between running and stumbling through the halls. Keith had fucking lied to him. He'd said he'd sent "some" of the video. Not the whole thing. Krolia must have been disgusted to find that Keith was hanging out with a dirty whore like him. He'd trusted Keith. He'd trusted him not to tell that one secret he desperately wanted to carry to his own grave. His heart was breaking into a zillion pieces, pounding so hard as it did he was sure he'd died. 

Blindly he fled, heading for the only place he could trust. Heading for his Telula. He couldn't stay here. Keith had lied to him. He'd used him. He'd filled his head with dreams and promises while laughing at his raped boyfriend as he told everyone about it. Everything he did was wrong. Keith never wanted him for anything more than a fuck and he'd finally gotten that. He knew Lance was a whore who'd come no matter who touched or fucked him. Everything had been a ploy to break him. To laugh at the stupid seventh wheel. He was probably back at the conference table telling everyone how much of a slut he was. They'd only... they'd had sex last night. Krolia seemed like she's known for movements... Keith had fucked him while lying to him. He'd told him... he'd told him he didn't know if he could survive Keith breaking his trust. He'd told him because he thought maybe Keith thought more of him. He'd told himself over and over until he'd fooled himself into believing it. All of it had been an act... no one wanted him... and they never would... no one wanted someone as dirty and tainted as he was. Every bit of "progress" he'd made since Keith came walking back in was gone. Nothing fucking mattered now. His team weren't really going to stay anyway. Why would they? He didn't deserve to be a commander. He deserved to die in a ditch or to throw himself out the nearest airlock, but that was too close. Everyone here would pretend to cry, while happy the burden known as Lance was finally removed from his side.

Falling down the steps to the Telula, Lance landed hard. Hitting his face against the floor hard enough to split his eyebrow. Sobbing and howling in emotional pain, the blood running down his face burned at his eye. He was so stupid that he could barely run away properly. He had to force himself to drag himself off the floor, and over to the doors manual opening button, then to the ship, limping and dripping blood as he did. His right wrist didn't feel right from his hands taking the impact without his gloves on, but what did it matter? 

With the Telula's crew up having breakfast as Keith's suggestion, Lance fired up her shield and engines. He was done. No one wanted him. No one wanted him here. Guiding his girl to the edge of the hangar, the door was open, space laying beyond the shimmering barrier of the Atlas. He didn't need to think twice before launching. He was gone. He'd been sent right back to step one.


	29. Chapter 29 - Keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo. We're going to individual POV's for a little while... I think it's for the next 3 chapters? The next chapter is Lance. Then back to Keith to fill in the gaps...

Sitting on the stairs of Hangar Bay 5, Keith was staring out at the expanse of space beyond the open door, his face still wet from his tears that no longer fell. Cold numbness was all he felt now. The expression on Lance's face the moment he'd found out Krolia knew spelt it all out for him. They were over. They were over and Lance wouldn't be coming back. The hangar had been the first place he'd looked for Lance after he'd bolted, throwing open the doors to the bathrooms he passed in a desperate hope to catch Lance as soon as possible. When Lance hadn't been in the Hangar or the Telula, Keith had run to the pool, thinking maybe Lance had gone there to cool down... or worse. They'd finally crossed that line and slept together. Lance giving him every single part of him that he could as he revelled in pleasure. All of this built on the trust Lance held for him...

He hadn't meant to keep it a secret. No. He had... He'd meant to tell Lance when Lance was doing better and was stronger. No, that was another lie. He kept it from him out of fear. Then he'd forgot. He and Lance had been working hard to build something real. He'd been swept up in everything and drowning in Lance. The thrill of holding him close. The thrill of being Lance's world. He'd been so fucking proud. So proud of Lance in the conference room. Looking at those photos, remembering everything that happened. Knowing that everyone would know part of his truth. And now Lance was gone because he'd made a mistake. He'd come so far with Lance... and Lance was... The tears came back, rolling down his face as he let out a hiccuped sob. He'd fucked up.

"Keith?"

Sitting down beside Keith, Shiro sighed heavily. His brother sitting slightly hunched forward, hands clasped and elbows resting on his knees  
"I received a notification that the hangar bay door had opened. Can you tell me what happened?"  
"I fucked up... Shiro... he... I betrayed him"  
Sitting back up, Shiro pulled him into a tight hug. Keith caving against his brother. He didn't deserve Shiro's kindness...  
"Is this about what happened in the meeting? The photos?"  
"No! I kept something from him... he... he said something about the torture on the video. Something really personal and mum... I was shaken over what happened I sent the full video to her by accident... and I didn't tell him. I said I sent her some of it. I lied to him... I lied and mum... she just told him she'd seen the whole thing"  
"Can you tell me? What it was?"  
"No... no... it's not my right... Shiro, I... we had sex last night. He's been so scared of being close because of how they tortured him... we barely even kiss because he's so fucking scared... He gave me all his trust... And now he finds out I was lying and hiding things from him. I didn't mean to... I didn't... he was in shock after what we found. His head was all over the place and I didn't... I didn't want him to be alone. I didn't want to be alone... I love him and now he's gone"

Sobbing and pleading with Shiro, Keith wasn't making much sense at all. Clutching his brother for dear life, he screamed against him. Lance wasn't coming back... He couldn't breathe. He couldn't... Lance wasn't coming back to him  
"Keith, you need to calm down for me. You need to breathe... He's probably only taken the Telula out while he calms down"  
Keith shook his head, practically panting for air  
"He's not coming back"  
"Did he say that?"  
"He... he didn't need to. It was on his face... I know... I know he's not coming back"  
Keith had wanted to take his own ship out. He wanted to track Lance down, but when he saw the empty hangar, he'd dropped to the ground and couldn't move  
"You don't know that. He's strong, Keith. That briefing, he was beyond professional. He knew what had to be said and he explained it so we all understood. He didn't shy away from what needed to be said and seen. Seeing him so confident..."  
"You're not listening to me! He isn't coming back! He wasn't confident. He's not confident. He shut down his feelings. I've seen it. That's how he gets when he's being Leandro. He shuts down his feelings. He treats Lance like he's weak, and in the past... He... it took movements to get through to him... to get him to accept I didn't want to leave him. Last night... I got him into the pool. I got him swimming and smiling... He told me he could do those things because it was with me... They hurt him so badly"

Sitting him up straighter, Shiro wiped at his teary face. His adoptive brother's eyes shining with his unshed tears  
"Ok... ok. You're right, I don't understand. But his team is still here. Do you think he'd actually leave them?"  
Oh right... He'd forgotten that Lance came with his team  
"I don't know... I ruined everything"  
"Lance will understand once he calms down. Krolia wouldn't have said anything to be malicious, and while her timing was not ideal, there are still things we need to discuss"

Shoving Shiro off him, Keith's anger flared again. His emotions were too raw for Shiro to be putting anything or anyone before Lance! How he would feel if this was Curtis?  
"Are you fucking serious?! You don't give two quiznaks about him, do you?! You just want him for what he knows!"  
"That's not true. You know that's not true. But you also need to know we intend to act on what he said... and I'm worried for him after what he presented. I'm worried for his mental state"  
"That's all you care about... your precious mission... well what about Lance? You know... you know his friends are dead. You know he killed all those people. You know he did it. You know what he's fucking like... he... he's everything Shiro... he's my everything... he's... going to die out there and it's all my fault"  
As quick as his anger flared, the waves of sheer hopelessness crashed through him. Gasping, he tried his hardest to breathe, not sure why his lungs had given up on him. Was he dying? He felt like he was dying. Like his heart had finally given out from the pain. Shiro's concerned face swimming out of focus before he slumped sideways, Shiro grabbing him by the arm as he smacked his head and slid down the top few steps.

*  
Bright fluorescent lights blinded Keith as he woke with a throbbing head. Raising a hand, he patted at his forehead, finding a thin gauze of the area most of the pain seemed to be radiating from. Quiznak. Had Lance felt this shitty when they'd woken up  
"Hey, Kiddo. You back with us?"  
Pushing himself up, Keith left his fingers against the dressing as he looked to Shiro  
"What happened?"  
"You had a panic attack and fainted on me. You hit your head on the stairs down to the hangar"  
Right... right. Lance was gone. Hopefulness filled his tone as he looked up at Shiro  
"Have... has he...?"  
"He sent me a message saying "He'd come back when calmed down. And asked that I please look after his team"  
Lance had reached out? He was alright? Sliding off the med bed, Keith grabbed Shiro  
"Did he say anything else? Did you get a trace on his comms? Did he mention me?"  
"I'm sorry, Keith. That's all it said. His comms are off, and he's scrambled the comes for the Telula"  
Keith's heart dropped then, slumping before remembering  
"He's got two comms. One for work..."  
Shiro shook his head  
"Daehra already informed us. The signals offline. He messaged her also. Asking her to run his team in his absence"  
That sounded... He was lying... Lance was lying  
"He's not coming back..."  
Trying to be the supportive older brother he was, Shiro asked softly  
"Maybe he messaged you?"  
Keith didn't need to check his comms to know Lance wouldn't have. He was the one he was mad at after all  
"He wouldn't have... Do you have any leads on where he went?"  
"We lost his signal about half a varga after he left. He was sitting on the other side of the Balmera before the signal cut"  
"Half a varga? How long was I out?"  
"About three vargas"

Keith's wet eyes widened. Panic attacks always left Lance feeling drained. Is that why he felt so drained? All he wanted to do was climb into bed with Lance for cuddles and reassurance. Three vargas... He didn't feel like he'd been out for three vargas. And what the Quiznak had happened? Had they moved at all? Lance couldn't have gone that far in three vargas... The Telula wasn't that big...  
"We can still find him"  
"Keith"  
"There's the radiation signature from the Telula"  
"He said he was coming back"  
"You can't be serious..."  
"Keith, you need to slow down. You hit your head, and you're going to have another panic attack"  
"If you're not going to look for him, then I'm going on my own"  
Sighing deeply, Shiro shook his head, putting his "Space Dad" face on  
"I can't let you do that. He said he was coming back, and we're going to take his word for it. We've told his family he was called away for an emergency mission by one of his contacts. Zak's working on trying to pick up Daehra's pod rather than the Telula because I do care about his wellbeing. So you can stop giving me that look"  
"I'm not giving you any look"

His retort wasn't convincing at all. If they were seeing if they could pick up traces of Lance, Shiro should have led with that rather than messing with his head. It hurt enough without having to do the think thing. Taking a deep breath, Keith let out it slowly. He could hear Shiro mentally telling him that "patience yields focus". Standing there, they stared off at each other until Keith finally sat back on the edge of the bed, Shiro nodding at him  
"Now you've calmed down enough to think clearly, do you have a concussion?"  
"No. I don't think so. I think it's just tender from hitting my head"  
"That's good. No double vision or nausea"  
"Not related to hitting my head"  
"Keith"  
"No. God. Let me go help look for my Lance"  
"In a minute. I need you to promise you won't take off looking for him without back up"  
"Shiro..."  
"Keith. These people know he's been with you. That makes you a target. If you get captured or killed, then what good are you going to be? He lasted phoebs without you. I know you don't want to hear that, but he's obviously got access to resources out there and knows how to survive. I know how much you want to find, and how scary is it not knowing, but for Lance's sake, don't you think we should be working on apprehending the people out there who want to hurt him?"  
Crossing his arms, Keith huffed  
"I fucking hate it when you get smart"  
Reaching out, Shiro went to ruffle his hair before remembering he'd hit his head and opting to rest his hand on Keith's messy hair  
"Krolia's in the command room, researching Erathus. I told her I wanted to be here when you woke up. Kosmo's here to help. We found him asleep on the kitchen floor covered in cake. He'd eaten the leftover cake from the engagement party, as well as the finger food"  
"He's a menace. I'm surprised he didn't take off with Lance"  
"Acxa said he was sleeping on his back in the middle of the mess. She had to bath him"

Remembering Kosmo with the space chickens, Keith's chest tightened. Moving his hand to his chest, he pressed against it in the hopes of calming himself down. All he wanted was to be with Lance again. Or to know he was safe... both his two top desires were about even in importance  
"That sounds about right. Ok... I can't guarantee I'll keep my temper. I want to watch the footage of Lance leaving. I want to see if he... I want to see how he was before he left"  
"I've already watched it. He gets himself lost in the halls before heading to the Telula. He trips on the third last stair and lands on the hangar floor before he opens the doors and leaves"  
Lance must have been pretty torn up if Shiro wouldn't show him him walking through the Atlas, and what if the fall had hurt Lance? He'd seen the bodysuit stand up to all sorts of damage, but... He couldn't stand thinking of Lance hurting himself  
"He's my ex kind-of-boyfriend, Shiro. I ruined everything. I want to at least make sure that he's not hurt physically"  
"You had a fight. All couples fight. It's not healthy to be in a relationship where you don't. I'm sure he's going to understand once he's calmed down"  
They were stuck in the same damn circle. Shiro didn't get it. He didn't have enough information to understand. Lance had been raped and less than half a quintant after they'd had, his trust in Keith was destroyed. There was no way Keith could admit this out loud, but it didn't stop the desire to grab Shiro by the shoulders and shake him senseless while yelling in his face why he didn't understand.

*  
Taking it slow, Kosmo kept himself by Keith's side so his fingers would brush against the wolf's ear occasionally as they headed to the command room. Despite Shiro having given the staff a free day, there was a skeleton crew in the room, Keith pointedly ignoring his mother who was standing by Coran as they pulled files up on the display screens. With far too much enthusiasm, Coran brightened right up as he noticed Keith, rocking up onto the balls of his feet  
"Keith, my boy. How are you feeling? Shiro told us you had a bit of a bump to the old noggin"  
"It's fine, Coran. Thanks for asking. What are you working on?"  
Pinching the end of his moustache, Coran looked back to the screen  
"Well Number Four, Number Three gave us all a lot to think about! Then being called away like that, I can't say I'm not worried! I had no idea he was out there doing such dangerous work. Our dear Allura would be so proud he's continued her legacy of peace. I always knew Lance was destined for great things"  
Wiping away a tear, Coran looked to the heavens as he thought of Allura.  
The Atlean wasn't stupid. He was weird, creepy, obscure, but not stupid. So why was it that for someone so smart, he was so goddamn dumb?! This had nothing to do with Allura or her damn legacy. Balling his fists up, he was only just realising how many times he was going to have to swallow the damn truth down and break his own heart further. 

Setting his jaw, Keith stood beside Shiro. Lance was gone, and in his absence, Keith was the only one with any kind of actual relationship with his crew. He'd refer all actual decisions to Daehra and Lucteal, as per Lance's wishes. He knew the pair would have felt everything Lance did. Both of them presumably livid with him over what had transpired. If he had any chance of having them listen, he needed to take control of the situation  
"What do you have for me? In absence of Lance, I will liaise with his team"  
Shuffling her weight, Krolia knew better than to turn his way  
"We have decided that this mission shall be handled by the Blades as secrecy is the number one priority"  
"You can't send blades. Next idea?"  
His mother's tone warned him against continuing  
"Keith"  
Buuut... Lance had said he was a stubborn hot head  
"No. Lance warned you. He's known to be collaborating with both the Atlas and Daibazaal. The Blades aren't the top-secret organisation they used to be. Any new employees will be treated as suspicious and more than likely would be executed or taken hostage for leverage. Plus, you can't approach the outpost from any other position except head-on. Surveillance is tight. Ships are tracked the moment they're through the fields and hailed"  
"Do you doubt the Blade? After everything you've been through?"  
Keith grew indignant  
"I don't doubt the Blades. I'm concerned that we're sending them to their death. If the Atlas was to show up out there suddenly, or an unidentified ship is suddenly spotted acting suspiciously in the area, then they're going to know Lance talked. That puts us all in danger. Every single member on this crew. We don't have Voltron or the lions"  
"Then what do you propose we do?"  
"I don't know. We can't take the Telula. And despite what Lance says, I don't think he'll be returning without trying to do something about this issue on his own. I know you all think I'm letting personal feelings could my judgement, but Lance sent away members of his team to gather more intel from various rebel parties. Daehra or Lucteal should have the contact details for them, plus he hadn't finished filling briefing us when he was forced to leave. I know for a fact he knows more, and I know for a fact the Erathian government isn't going to stop hunting him. And we have everyone out there after that 1.5billion GAC bounty after him too. If we don't act sooner rather than later, we're going to find in one of those outpost rooms..."

Giving voice to further sudden realisations, Keith felt like his whole body had been plunged into an ice bath. Vomit rising in his throat at the idea of Lance being drugged and hacked to pieces. The thought of those brilliant blue eyes that said so much and looked to him with so much love that it took his breath away, never opening again left his knees like jelly as he tried not to show everyone he was falling apart all over again. Lance should be here. He should be by his side as they planned their next move. Not thousands of miles away like he probably already was because everyone was too stupid to go after him. 

"Leandro can look after himself"

Piping up from where he'd set himself up in a corner of the command room, all eyes went to Zak, Shiro asking, probably only asking the aliens name because he didn't know how to phrase the question of what he meant  
"Zak?"  
"Leandro can look after himself"  
Yes. Thanks, Zak. You already said that. Krolia seemed mildly annoyed as she asked  
"Is that all?"  
"Look. You all dumped him off in the middle of nowhere. He can look after himself by now. He isn't about to lose his head because you're all not going looking for him and abandoning him. Keith's right. I hate to admit that out loud because you're a bit of a dick man, but he pulls the craziest shit man. Since Keith came along he's been acting weird as fuck. His head might not be in the game, but he's not about to let himself be killed"

For the first time in his life, Zak had actually said something that he agreed with. Not going after Lance would be tantamount to abandoning him again. Pulling the best puppy dog eyes he could with Shiro, Shiro groaned at him  
"Alright. Fine. I was trying to respect his wishes. Zak, I expect you to find him. I can't take the Atlas off course, but I can launch once we know where he is. Krolia, I want you to develop two strategies. One for finding what's going on Erathus. A second on the outpost and satellite prison. Coran, I want you to find any information you can on prison moons in the area. Sam, can you please continue your calculations on the time dilation of that quadrant. I need to know just what we can send in, and what they need to be prepared for"  
Zak already had all those damn calculations. It felt like Shiro had thrown Zak a chew toy so he'd be distracted while the "grownups" played. Zak should be working on those calculations while Sam traced the signal in the data stream from Lance's messages. It also hadn't gone unmissed that Daehra and Lucteal weren't there  
"Where are the others?"  
"I think they're in the lounge area with your team. Matt, Hunk and Shay are there too. Pidge is cursing the world from her room"  
"I'm going to see Daehra and Lucteal. If they know something more, I need to know"  
"You can't go running off with a head wound"  
He wasn't going to run. It was going to be more of a brisk walk, or a jog if his head allowed it  
"I'm not running off"  
"Good. I'll send someone to collect them. I don't know how long we can keep this under wraps Keith. I feel like we should be telling Ver..."  
"You can't. Trust me on that. You can't. For his sake, you can't"  
"If we act, everyone will need to know"  
"Then tell them I brought the mission. Tell them it's for the Blades. It was originally. Tell them Lance is gathering information for now, and keep up the pretence he'll be back. You know Veronica and Acxa are dating. Do you want both of them turning on you?"  
"Not really. But they'll turn on me if something did happen"  
"Then..."  
Then what? He didn't know what came next... Shiro kind enough to let him down easy  
"Keith. You know this is how it has to be. I can buy you time, but I will need to brief my people. I can't take them into danger without them knowing. We don't have a plan yet. So give me some time to work this out. I'll have Daehra and Lucteal brought up here, but only under the condition that you sit and you rest. We have the top minds of the Atlas working on this. I know you hate sitting still and waiting, but patience yields focus. You might remember something while you're resting"

He didn't need to rest, Shiro guiding him over to sit made him feel weak and pathetic in front of everyone. He was already an emotional mess. He didn't need to be made to seem too weak to hold his shit together. Nudging at his hand, Kosmo let out a whine as he tried to climb up into Keith's lap. It was as if his wolf knew that Lance was gone, and missing him as much as he was. Burying his face in Kosmo's, Keith tried to cry as he held him close. They'd find Lance. They'd find him and Keith would apologise properly. He'd explain everything to Lance. Explain how he'd sent that message to his mother without thinking about the fact Lance had fallen apart in it. He'd explain how he was selfish and scared. He'd beg Lance to listen, even if he had to get onto his hands and knees before he'd finally take him seriously. Lance was his first true love. The feelings that should have faded over time only grew stronger and stronger for him. He wanted to protect him. He wanted to shelter him from everything bad in the universe. He wanted to cherish him and for Lance to know that he thanked God for each and every morning they woke up together. Now Lance was gone and something in his mind had broken. An urge to destroy as screaming threatening to bubble up and out at any moment. He couldn't fall apart, but with his heart this broken, he didn't know how to be Keith anymore. He didn't know what he used to do or say. He couldn't remember his behaviours from before reuniting with Lance. He couldn't remember the things that made him happy. Without Lance, how could he be Keith when somehow his very identity had shaped and moulded around the Cuban man he loved so dearly.


	30. Chapter 30 - Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is 30. 30 and 31 aren't up to my usual standards, but I am sick and no one gives me constructive criticism on tumblr, so ya'll have to put up with me posting here lol. I intend to edit the last three chapters tomorrow, once I've done the sleep and can do the brain. 
> 
> I love you all.

Laying on his back, Lance stared up at the roof of the command room of the Telula. How long it'd been since he'd left the Atlas, he had no idea, only that his tears had run dry. Once again he was alone. Once again his heart was broken by the one he'd loved. Only... this time was different. This time there was nothing to live for. Planning a hundred juniper berries wouldn't make Keith come after him. Planting a million wouldn't ease his broken soul. The fragile web of trust they'd spun had been torn to pieces right before his eyes. Keith had not only lied to him, but he'd also spilt his deepest darkest secrets to his mother. That explained why Krolia hadn't spoken to him before the meeting, she was probably silently judging him, waiting for the right time to admit she'd known he was naive and stupid all along. She couldn't let someone as dirty as him be with her only son. The Galra prided themselves on strength, whereas he wasn't even able to make it through most days without something startling or panicking him. What good was he anyway? No one listened. Shiro hadn't wanted to hand over control of the meeting, but he'd taken it away like he deserved a place there, and like he deserved to be telling any of them how to do their jobs. However long he'd been gone, it'd been long enough for his heat to come. Long enough for his body to be screaming out for Keith's touches. His kisses. His soothing scent and warm arms. Keith was always so damn warm. It didn't matter what he'd thrown at him, Keith's arms were always welcoming and loving for him. His soft lips pressing kissing to Lance's temple, with nibble fingers carefully stroking his hair. Keith's touches had been his everything. Only his hold felt right against Lance's broken and battered body. Keith had moulded him into something more than he had been. And now when he reached out his hand, there was no one there. The only person he could blame was himself.

With the engines running on 15 per cent power, his comms were off, the navigation system was off, leaving the space around him silent. He only needed enough power for gravity and life support. Letting his ship drift, he hadn't checked his position in vargas, perhaps quintants. He'd vaguely remembered pointing his ship towards his usual hunting grounds after messaging Shiro, Daehra, Th'al and his mother so she wouldn't kick up a fuss over his sudden disappearance. She'd fussed way too much over him as it was, so he'd been the perfect son and lied through his teeth over how "nice and quiet life was", and how "risk-free" his job was. Yeah. It fucking hurt to lie, but what exactly could he say? Groaning heavily Lance rolled to his side, the view just as unappealing. When he could be bothered moving his sticky body from the floor, he'd find a rebel camp to drop the Telula at. It held everyone's personal belongings, something he didn't think about when he'd bolted. All he'd wanted to do was put as much distance between him and Keith. Maybe if they'd talked before, he might have been able to find some way to understand... but he'd opened up to him. He'd let him in. He'd let Keith infect him, change him... rescue him. He didn't want to go back to step one. Not again... He didn't want his nightmares back. He didn't want to wake up alone or huddled in the corner of the room bleeding with no memory of how he got there. How could he be with Keith after he broke his trust? He'd told Keith he'd needed honesty. Keith who gave him everything else, but the one thing that his broken mind needed. They'd had sex. He'd opened up... literally. Perhaps it wouldn't have stung so badly if it hadn't happened on the heels of that night. 

*  
Keith's scent haunted him. The whole ship seemed infected by it. More often than not he'd turned to look to Keith, only to find Allura in his place. He didn't miss Allura. Each conversation he had with her reminds her that she was only a hallucination and an annoying one at that. Lance couldn't say he'd done a good job of reestablishing himself. His injections were all over the place. His stomach was only accepting minimal amounts of food, his period hadn't come yet, though he felt bloated as hell. Yet he wasn't able to find the effort to care. Keith was gone. Even if he was to turn his ship around and fly back to the Atlas, Keith would have realised by now how much hard work he'd been, and how far Lance had dragged him down. Naturally, the pain hadn't passed. The tiny flicker of hope left him unable to wash Keith's scent off his pillows. He missed him. He missed so quiznakking much that his mother would have beaten him black and blue for the number of times he'd cursed the universe for giving him, Keith. Wherever he was, Lance hopes he was safe. He hoped that Keith wasn't doing something reckless, or impulsive. That he'd been able to get Lance's point across in regards to tracking down those responsible for all the disappearances near Ghazex. Lance wished he had the courage to go running back to Keith, but he was so ashamed of how things had played out. He'd shown enough of his shameful sides to Keith... but left alone in this self-imposed solitude... he couldn't help but want Keith by his side even if it was to say goodbye.

Landing on the far side of Sucrulia, it wasn't Lance's favourite place in this sector of space, but it was the place he was to rendezvous with Th'al at her request. The place was almost all sand and rocky outcrops that reminded him far too much of that shack Keith called home, even the colours were more Earthy than a lot of places out there. No one was around for miles, given this was the desert side of the planet, so until Th'al arrived all he had for company were a few tumbleweeds and a whole lot of creepy purple looking cacti, that were the only unEarth like things there. The other side of Sucrulia was lush, there were ports all along the coastline trading in all kinds of exotic herbs, and spices, and the whole feel of the place was like the golden days of piracy on Earth. That's why they were meeting in the middle of the stupid desert. No one from the other side of the planet came here. No one from the other side of the planet could get out here without the use of a ship. A thick valley of sharp obsidian waiting to murder anyone stupid enough to attempt their way through. Lance had a stupid plan. A very stupid plan and Th'al was key to it. She'd been pissed to all quiznakkary when he'd suddenly reached out after a phoeb out of contact. It'd been risky firing up his comms, but he'd wasted a whole phoeb without accomplishing anything other than drifting in space, lazily patrolling between bouts of self-loathing and remembering he was technically a wanted man so had to lay low... not that really stopped him. He couldn't stop his whole life just because he'd been kicked to the curb again. A revelation that'd come after a tremendous amount of self wallowing, tears and Keith's pillows. Lance hadn't been able to bring himself to evict them into the vacuum of space.

Th'al kept him waiting for a while quintant. By the time the female bounty hunter showed up, the cacti population had diminished slightly thanks to boredom and his favourite blaster, many now sporting smiley faces that didn't make them any less creepy. Landing her pod next to the Telula, Th'al was just as intimidating as he remembered. Her dark hair pulled into a tight bun, that reminded him of his third-grade teacher who'd reduced him to tears over his English, as she strode down her pods loading ramp with her blaster raised in his direction. Raising his hands as if he was surrendering, Lance, hung his head as she started to scold him. It wasn't like he Th'al were best buddies, they were simply both in the same line of work and had similar ideas on not killing each other over a bounty  
"What the stars, Leandro! What did you do this time? Daehra was blowing up my comms. Something about you upsetting the Atlas? And why would you return out here? Were you born stupid?"  
"The jury's still out on that one"  
"Of all the stupid things you could do. Do you know the Atlas is on the move? There's been talk of Blades being sighted"

Great. Shiro hadn't listened, or he'd opted to listen to Keith over Lance and now they were invading his space and threatening the undercover mission Lance had strategised for himself. He needed to get back out to the outpost, and what better way than to be escorted by a hunter handling a bounty? If Keith were there with him, the half-Galra would have already lost his shit over it and deemed it all an unnecessary risk. Then probably would have told him he loved him and fretted over Lance getting himself chopped into tiny pieces, something Lance didn't particularly want to happen but when your heart's just been broken all over again, you don't exactly care for your own wellbeing.

"I told them not to interfere. I even gave them a full briefing over how coming out to our little corner would only make things worse. So you can't pin all of this on me. Besides, it's not like I wanted to go back to the Atlas..."  
"Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to hear your life story. I still think this plan of yours is weak"  
That's because it was  
"Aw, Th'al. This is why you're still single. I'll have you know my life story is far more interesting than you could ever imagine"  
Raising her blaster to line the shot up, Lance snorted at his friend  
"You can shoot me if it'll make you feel better, but I've got a full suit on under these clothes"  
"Dammit. Fine. Whatever. Don't think I won't shoot you in the foot the moment you get annoying"  
"I know you will. Are we good to go?"  
"Of course we are. I'm not some amateur like you are. I've messaged Daehra over the Telula. Thanks for that by the way, she's been blowing up my comms trying to find out if you're alright"  
"You know how she gets. And you know I needed to lay low. We should probably get out of here if you've already messaged her. The Blade members she's with have an annoying tendency of sticking their noses in where they're not needed or wanted"  
Glaring at him, Lance was on thin ice when it came to Th'al's patience. Moving to walk past her, he was grateful that she didn't shoot in the foot just yet, though he was sure her desire was strong.

With the pod being on the small side, Lance set himself up in the passenger seat of it with a spare holopad while Th'al piloted the ship away from the Telula. Activating his girl's shields remotely, it was a weight off his shoulders to know that everyone would be getting their personal belongings back sooner rather than later. He'd even triple checked that she was in perfect running order for when his team arrived to retrieve her. They'd probably be annoyed that he wasn't there, but this mission needed to come before all the craziness of his private life, and he needed someone more objective than his team to assist in it. They cared too much. They'd blame themselves if something was to happen, which he couldn't be responsible for. No matter what happened the fall out needed to land his shoulders alone. Th'al would leave him if worst came to worse. She'd take her pod and flee before the first shot was even fired. That's what he needed. None of this self-sacrifice bullshit. Tapping his fingers against the holopad, he felt something light hit him in the side of the head  
"Stop tapping so loudly"  
"I'm not tapping loudly"  
"If I can hear you, you're tapping too loud"  
Rolling his eyes, Lance tried to play off the panic that formed at the unexpected strike. He could deny it until he was blue in the face, but without Keith there, his nerves were a fucking mess  
"I'm sorry. I'm just checking the area. I haven't been able to with everyone deciding they suddenly needed to come after me. I didn't want the data signal registering too close the Telula"  
"If you hadn't got yourself into this mess, then none of this would have happened"  
"I know. But on the plus side, when you hand me in you'll have enough money to do... whatever it is you do"  
Waving his hand, Th'al simply ignored the gesture to continue in the same flat tone  
"This is true. And I won't have to hear your voice... It almost makes me wish I could wormhole straight there"  
Huffing at Th'al, it'd be easy for an outsider to think that she truly did hate him, and wasn't secretly a softie under all her creepy armour. He'd seen the glittery blankets and soft toys on her bed, plus anything strawberry from Earth turned her into a mess of love and compliments. Not that they got their hands on Earth rations that often. She liked Erathus even less than he did  
"You're so mean. You're picking on me without even letting me know how your side of the mission went"  
"What's to let you know? You changed your strategy. That boyfriend of yours got into your head and now you're being stupid again"  
"Keith isn't my boyfriend"  
"Mhmm. He's out here. They say that there's going to be a meeting between the Galra, that Earth crew and the head of the police, and government on Erathus"

Lance's eyes widened, gaping as he looked to Th'al. This wasn't what he wanted at all. There could be nothing good from a meeting like that... He'd fucking told them. His voice higher than normal as he squeaked  
"What? Are you joking!? Please Th'al, tell me that you're joking"  
Laughing happily, Th'al was a bitch  
"Your face was priceless. How would I know what's happening over there? I was busy thanks to some dumbarse dropping off the universe for movements"  
Oh, thank god for that. Even as a joke, that was fucking cruel. If anything happened to the others, he'd never forgive himself... especially Hunk and Shay. He hadn't even stayed at their damn engagement party, too busy being coddled by Keith... Fuck... If anything happened to Keith because he'd run off... that... he couldn't survive that. Keith was doing so much good in the universe, or he had been until Lance had waylaid his plans and forced him to run off with him  
"Don't worry. The Atlas isn't really out here. Blade members are though. Been asking rebel camps if they've seen you"

Lance scowled hard, realising she'd read him like a book and played him harder than Pidge going at Killbot Phantasm 1. Maybe he should have ejected himself into space while he'd had the chance. It'd be less painful than knowing Th'al could see right through him  
"You've been fucking with me from the moment you landed, haven't you?"  
Shooting fucking finger guns at him, Th'al smirked. Fucking finger guns. That was his thing!  
"Yep. Consider it payback for being a little bitch"  
"You're the bitch. Are you serious about the Blades being out here?"  
"Yep. Worried your little boyfriend is going to get himself into trouble?"  
"Keith isn't my boyfriend. And I seriously thought he was smarter than this. This isn't a fucking game"  
"Daehra said, "he's been quite upset since you left". Should I pretend to care and ask what happened?"  
God. Keith... He could be so stupidly bullheaded. He'd nearly gotten himself killed trying to recover Shiro from Kuron... and then there was that time that Matt told them about, when the dickhead tried to get himself killed. Thanks to Th'al, his heart was beating way too fast, a thick heavy weight sitting in the bottom of his stomach, which might have something to do with the bloating  
"Nope. You can sit there and shut up"  
"Someone's sensitive. Have it your way then, "Loverboy Leandro""

Without Th'al bitching at him, Lance's stupid mind had decided to fixate on Keith. The harder he tried to pay attention to the holopad, the more he found he couldn't. His own holopad was on the Telula, he hadn't been able to delete the photos of him and Keith on it, instead he'd wrapped it and left it with a note to Keith. It wasn't exactly hard to lose focus on his mission. He'd be going in alone before Th'al sent word out. His injection schedule was gone. His mask was gone. His ship was gone. His accidental husband was gone. Their relationship was over but that didn't mean Keith wasn't at the forefront of his thoughts. If he could stop whoever was behind this, Keith wouldn't even need to be involved. Keith would be safe... so would the others, but... Fuck.... he was hopelessly and thoroughly miserable without Keith and his stupid not-mullet. Hearing that Keith was worried about him wasn't exactly surprising, for a while he'd kind of been worried about himself too, but the voices in the back of his mind were quick to speak up. Quick to remind him how fast fucking weak and useless he was, and that he had no right feeling all warm and glowy over Keith when he'd been the one to walk out on the half-Galra. Still, he was only kind of human and a slave to the emotions that Keith had pretty much ripped back up to the surface. He couldn't even fall back to his doses because not a single loose pill, or untainted vial remained in his room, Daehra and Keith had got to them all. Settling in for a long trip, it proved to be just that. Th'al was far more stubborn than him, the woman keeping her silence purely to prove she could, leading to an exceptionally long trip because two could play that game and his Mumma didn't raise no quitter.

*  
Using Zac's program to charter the magnetic fields, the outpost was unfortunately still standing. A dozen half-face masked, full rest armour, armed officers were standing near the area landing for the outpost as Th'al landed her ship, Lance half tempted to make a joke over the welcome party, but he had the feeling it'd fall flat between himself and Th'al. Their silence had lasted until Th'al accidentally broke it by cursing her communicator when it started to ring. She hadn't liked losing to him in the slightest, much like Rachel when it came to pretty much everything, yet unlike Rachel, Th'al had been allowed to shoot him in both the leg and shoulder with her blaster. Only grazing shots for the sake of appearances, but enough for him to nearly lose control of his emotions. Still, he wondered if he should find it strange that the two blast shots hadn't affected him as badly as when she'd punched him in the face to split his lip and blackened his eye. He'd very nearly panicked himself into oblivion when she'd touched him. His stupid healing was already taking care of the wounds too fast, not that it dulled the pain. His body much more astute to pain now that his medication had been adjusted, and he couldn't simply get high to mask the symptoms.

Dressed in his bloodied civilian clothes, there was no point wearing a bodysuit into the outpost. One of the first things they'd do would be checking him for weapons, tracking devices and recording devices. As a "prisoner" he needed to look like he'd put up the fight of his life. Going in unarmed, and armour free... Keith would kill him. So it was a good thing he wasn't. The cuffs around his wrists weren't actually fixed in place, a small canister on sleeping gas hidden in the locking mechanism. The insertion of the metal key would shatter the thin glass encasing the gas. Th'al had been holding out on him for the whole damn trip, springing her invention on him quite proudly as she slapped them around his wrists. There wasn't enough gas to knock out a crowd, but one or two Galra on the other hand... He literally couldn't wait to try it out, the potential applications, if they could mount it to his suit, would be just too good, or if he hollowed out rounds in a more traditional gun... so maybe he hadn't thought that one through, but the potential applications. It all came back to those two words... and the whole surviving what came next thing. The way he figured it, Th'al had already posted she'd claimed the bounty and was delivering him personally on the hunter boards. She'd waited until the last moment to do so to prevent anyone coming after them, plus his time dated beaten and bloodied face photograph proved she'd "subdued" him, and indeed had had held him in her custody. Giving him one final look over, Th'al aimed her blaster at him  
"Right. Out you get, time to stop bleeding on the floor of my pod"

This was Th'al speak for "I've done a damn good job, but I'd like to leave in one piece so I need you off my pod before they decide to just blow us up. Every offence meant"  
"Thanks for this"  
Th'al frowned at him  
"I don't know if you should be thanking me. I'm about to deliver you to your death"  
"I'm not going to die here. You know the plan"  
"I know you're a fool. Relying on the gas to knock them out, then taking their weapons... What if they don't touch the cuffs?"  
"Then I'll smack them against a wall or their faces..."  
"Leandro..."  
She really must think he was going to die because she'd never given him such a concerned look as she was right now. Softening his features, Lance let out a soft sigh. Why did people always have to go and get emotional at all the wrong times?  
"Th'al. We've come this far. I can't let this continue happening. What if you're taken? What if it was your friends and family? They took my friend, they killed another... Now Earth is involved... I can't let people keep getting hurt. For our little space in the universe, I need to do this"  
"You're a fool"  
"Yeah. A stubborn idiot who's a bit of a dick. That's what my husband would say..."  
Th'al widened at his soft confession. Lance hadn't meant to let it slip... or maybe he had. He was hurting and all he wanted was Keith to be safe so that not all of this was for nothing  
"You're married?"  
"To Keith... By accident on Daehra's planet. He broke my heart but I can't stand the idea of him ending up to chopped into pieces and left out here. So I need to do this, and I'm going to do this. Let's head down before they storm the ship and arrest you for being an accomplice instead of a delivery woman"

With Th'al's blaster against his back, Lance hunched his shoulders and kept his head down, being the best battered prisoner he could. Normally a bounty hunter would sign their catch over to the authorities, or on personal delivery, they'd escort their catch in and sign over rights. That wasn't quite how it played out. Reaching the small army waiting for him, a large outpost officer grabbed him by the hair, bending his throat back as he was gut-punched for his trouble. Gritting his teeth, Lance received a second blow for not crying out like they wanted  
"I'll be taking my payment before you kill the merchandise"  
Four of the men behind the one holding him up by his hair raised their weapons towards Th'al. Th'al moving away from him as she aimed her blaster. The man holding him growling  
"I suggest you leave before we arrest you"  
"I demand my bounty. I acquired the target"  
Pulling his blaster from his hip, Lance felt his hair being torn before he was stumbling sideways and landing on his knees painfully, the man holding him activating the blaster into its extended form  
"Leave"  
"Fuck this"  
Raising her blaster and her free hand, Th'al stepped back  
"Expect to hear from Erathus. This is not how business is conducted"  
Glancing between the men with weapons aimed, the man who'd just made the silent threat to shoot her, and Lance, Lance gave Th'al a tiny nod. Knowing her she'd find a way to still get paid. No one would take a bounty if they weren't going to get paid, especially over such a large sum. Lance was personally more concerned with her getting out of there alive... And not taking another blow to the gut in case they broke the vial in his cuffs before their group was down to a more manageable number. 

Still on his knees, he watched as Th'al jogged up the ramp to her pod... oooooh fuck... they were doing this now. Better late than never with the panic, but not at all would have been preferred... He was seasoned professional... his mother was going to slap him senseless with her slipper when she found out  
"It's a little late for panic. You made a mistake coming here"  
The clicheness of the man's line almost made brought a smile to Lance's lips. Bad guys were stupid. They were always stupidly stupid... Lance kind of missed the organised mess of murder that was the Galra... almost... maybe just Zarkon. At least had a reason for being a bad guy  
"Technically, that's still to be de..."  
Smacking him in the jaw with the butt of the blaster, Lance flinched as he bit the inside of his cheek  
"Did I say you can speak?"  
Spitting out the bloodied salvia gathering in his mouth, Lance continued  
"... cided. Now, take me to your leader?"  
"I... what... shut up. You're in no position to be making demands"  
"Idiot says what?"  
"Huh? What did you say?"  
Eh. It was close enough. Smirking to himself, Lance was smacked in the face with the butt of the blaster again. Losing his balance, Lance's hands went out to stop himself from ending up on his side, his cuffs no longer protected... The Cuban not thinking about how fragile fingers were until the man in charge brought his boot down on them, Lance howling in agony as the digits on his left crunched, the unprotected skin tearing as they broke, the officer taking an extra few ticks to relish the pain he was causing before finally releasing Lance's almost disfigured hand. Being down a hand hadn't been part of his plan...  
"Take him inside. Make sure you lock this thing up properly. They want it in one piece"

"Aw. Don't you fella's know how to make a man feel special" was what Lance wanted to say. Anything quick and witty would have been better than the weak whine he let out as two hulking officers hefted him up. Between everything done to him within the last varga, he felt physically drained beyond words, leaving him limp as they started to drag him towards the entrance to the facility. If someone wanted him in one piece, then they wouldn't in a rush to murder him right away... Maybe his plan wasn't all rubbish? This unseen person who wanted him alive could hold all the answers to everything that had been happening in his area of space. Who they were and what they wanted... he couldn't even imagine. They had to be both rich and connected to run an operation like they had been for so long under the radar. Plus, they had to come from a long bloodline or they'd never have been able to inject themselves into the Erathus terraforming without raising suspicion. People couldn't simply turn up and build a city like the Erathian capital if no one out there knew of their family name. There were thousands of people involved in creating and building a city. The level of corruption in Erathus meant having people in every aspect with their ears to the ground, or they'd miss the pulse of the people. Government and police industry infiltration were basic entry-level aspects when it came to low-income earners, but when it came to the ambassador and police chief... yeah. Someone big had to be out there.

Quietly proud of the scorch marks on the walls left behind from their last visit, Lance kept his mouth shut and forced himself to breathe through his nose. If he could have, he'd have bitten the inside of his cheek to keep from talking, but that would only make his aching mouth feel worse. As it was, his mouth tasted strongly of blood. The unwelcome irony coppery tang sliding down the back of his throat, while his bloodied face assaulted his sense of smell for a largely unappealing situation. He was practically suffocating on it all, his lungs screaming at him to open his mouth and gasp down air, but there was no way in quiznak he was giving his captors the joys of his suffering further than he already had. He was Leandro, and he had a job to do.

Reaching the cells of the outpost, the room was dull. They'd stopped to throw him through the scanners, take the usual photos, then straight through with no actual paperwork being done. A single red circular light sat above the doorway of the hallway to connected the two areas smoothly. On both sides of the hall were seven barred cells. Prisoners needed no privacy, and once they were locked in, officers didn't particularly care if they inmates killed each other through the bars, as long as they made the effort to look like they considered prisoner safety. Feeling his feet tangle as tried to stand him up, Lance managed to trip despite being in their hold. Angered at the accidental action, the man to his left jabbed him hard in the ribs, causing him to momentarily lose his breath as the man to the right ignored his coworker's antics in favour of dragging Lance further forward.

Making it to the end of the hall, Lance could barely see any of the red glow that shone lazily over the first few cells. Somewhere in the distance was a steady kind of dripping, and as far as he could tell there were no windows. With the man to his right releasing him, it took the stranger a few ticks to open the old fashioned lock for the cell door. Old fashioned key locks were only susceptible to lock picking if you could access the face, which you couldn't reach here due to the size of the bar gaps, and by being quiznakking ancient it prevented hacking programs from hidden technology. It was brilliant really. Lance was always all for giving credit where it was due, and this deserved a small clap. Opening without a creak the bars were clearly heavy as evidenced by how much force needed to be applied to get the damn door to move. The officer had to release him completely, push on the door and fight to hold it open as he looked to his teammate. Giving the officer a nod, Lance was propelled forward into the near-blind darkness of the space, both officers clearing the cell doorway before the door boomed shut in a way he wasn't ashamed to admit turned his knees to jelly  
"Any funny business and we will slit your throat"

There might have been men on both sides of him, and another four following their trip as they walked painfully slow, but what were all six of them going to do? He only had so much area around his throat. Lance didn't imagine them being the kind to wait so everyone could take a turn  
"Perfect prisoner. Scouts honour and all that. Thanks for the room guys. Love the uh... darkness. Right. I'll just be here. You guys do your job"

Watching as they left, Lance finally allowed himself to grimace as the door closed. Shaking his aching fingers, he screamed as a hand landed on his blasted shoulder. Flinching and ducking away, he raised his bound hands somewhat pathetically. The most he could do was bleed on his assailant  
"Shut up you, idiot!"  
"Keith!..."  
With wide eyes, Lance blinked half a dozen times hoping Keith would vanish like a hallucination  
"...Oh...no... what are you doing here?!"

Crossing his arms, Keith didn't look terribly impressed. Probably because Lance had groaned out the second part of his sentence, and the cuffs Keith were wearing didn't allow him to cross his arms properly  
"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?"  
What the... hold up. What? Why was Keith here? He was supposed to be off with the others... and not taken into captivity by the bad guys  
"Me?! What am I doing here?! This is my mission, Keith!"  
"Your mission?! You disappeared!"  
"I didn't disappear. I left. And now you're not supposed to be here... you're complicating things"  
Throwing his hands up, Keith sounded... snarky and pissy in a way that was kind of hot. Turning, Keith paced a few steps away before turning back to him  
"I'm complicating things? I thought you'd been taken! I've been looking for you for movements! And are you bleeding? Why are you always bleeding?! Didn't we talk about this? About all of this and agree that you were going to be careful? How did you even get here? Did you fly here?"  
Keith was going to get them both killed... these cells were probably bugged...  
"Of course I'm bleeding, my friend betrayed me, shot me and hauled my arse out here"  
"God! This is why I can't take my eyes off you! Do you even have a plan?"  
"Of course I do... did... do you have to keep yelling at me?!"  
"Yes! Do you have any idea how worried I was about you!"  
"You were worried! I was worried! This is the last place I wanted you to end up! What would you have done if they'd chopped you up, Keith?! Huh?"  
"I don't know! What would you have done if you ended chopped up?!"  
Lance spluttered. He was the one in the right here, not his idiot husband who wasn't supposed to be here! He wasn't emotionally ready for any of this! He was supposed to find some way to keep Keith safe... not be stuck in a near-black cell with his husband! This was not the plan. This was not the plan at all!  
"I have a plan, dumb arse! I'm not about to... Quiznak, Keith... you... gargh!"

Lance went to throw his own hands in the air before remembering the cuffs... and the very broken hand. Still, his hands went up enough to make him yelp, Lance losing his train of thought as Keith strode over to him. Reaching for his hand, Lance jerked back instinctively. Ignoring the action, Keith's fingers gently slipped under his broken own. The touch sending Lance into a damn near panic attack at the pain, both also with the warmth and comfort it brought. He didn't want Keith locked up in here with him, but after everything, the idiot had come after him. Keith had come after him... and while he was still mad, Keith wasn't dead. Lifting his hand, Keith turned it slightly to examine the skin, Lance assuming it was something Galrary inside his accidental husband that allowed him to see better than he currently could  
"What the quiznak is this?"  
"Broken hand... pretty much the only thing not going to plan... other than you know, my fucking husband showing up. Seriously... why Keith?"  
Keith ignored his question to growl out a question of his own  
"They broke your hand?"  
His broken hand? Keith was getting stuck on that? Keith didn't get to ask questions. He wasn't supposed to be here... so why was Lance letting himself be drawn in by him? Why did he feel slightly happy that Keith was angered over his injury? Right. Had to be the blow to face... maybe triggering that bit of brain damage...? He was mad at him. Mad...  
"Yeah... busted my mouth up too..."  
Yep. Totally mad at Keith...  
"Quiznak, Lance... Here. Come here, there's a bed thing at the back of the cell"

And now he was following Keith to the back of the cell... Stupid traitorous emotions. He didn't need to be fussed over by Keith. No matter how goddamn relieved he was to see and smell him again. Keith had shown up and derailed his mission. He only had a tiny bit of gas. He didn't have a suit. He couldn't protect Keith when things went down. He couldn't even protect him by leaving him, Keith's presence made that obvious.

"Lance?"  
Standing in front of the thin cot, Lance realised Keith was waiting for him to sit down. It was almost like Lance was a completely different person. He didn't know how to think, feel or act around Keith now. He couldn't just laugh everything off. He couldn't crack a joke because Keith would see right through that  
"Do you need help?"  
"I can sit on my own, Mullet"  
"Then sit down. Let me look at your hand... I can't believe they broke it"  
"I can't believe you can't believe it..."  
Yeah. His brain damage was definitely in play here because even he was wincing at his own failed jokey tone. A joke he'd told himself wouldn't work. Quiznak. He was going to have to sit... which he did with a long groan. Everything hurt now that the weight was off his feet  
"... I'm fine. I'll heal..."  
"You're not fine. I can't believe your here... you weren't supposed to be here"  
If Keith was looking for a fight, the best Lance could manage was a mental shin kick  
"Like you were..."  
"You were missing. You left the Atlas and dropped into nothingness. I searched everywhere for you! Daehra and Lucteal talked to some friend of yours who said you were ok, then the next time they talked you were missing. Do you know how worried I've been?"  
"I wasn't missing. I was on the Telula"  
"Which wasn't out here? A whole phoeb Lance... I spent a whole phoeb thinking... thinking you were already dead... thinking the last thing between us was me breaking your trust because I'm a fucking coward"

That wasn't playing fair. It was even less fair when Keith crouched down in front of him, sniffling softly as the smell of wet pine mulch met Lance's nose. Frankly, he was kind of amazed he could smell anything other than blood after being hit so damn hard. Keith was crying. He wasn't allowed to cry... and now Lance was tearing up. A feared bounty hunter and the prince of Daibazaal crying in an outpost cell sounded worse than a bad joke  
"Keith, don't cry..."  
"How can I not?! Do you know how many times I've thought about you? How many times I... I know I should have told you, but at first, I was scared and then I... didn't think about it. I didn't mean to tell her, you know I didn't. I wouldn't do that to you..."  
"Mullet, you need to calm down. Everything is being recorded right now... they're not going to lock us up without recording what we do and say. Sit down properly and take a breath... and be careful with my hands"  
Keith let out a shaky hiccup before sitting, resting his forehead against Lance's thigh as he shook his head  
"How are you so calm right now? They broke your fucking hand... and some arsehole shot you..."  
"I'm not calm at all. You're simply panicking enough for the both of us. Plus, it really fucking hurts to talk, but I did have a plan, and I didn't plan to never come back from this hellhole. I know you probably want to break out right now, but you need to trust me Keith"  
"I do trust you... I've always trusted you"  
"Good... don't touch my cuffs. My hands hurt. Now what we're going to do is sit and wait. You know I have those freaky healing powers, so I'm going to get both us out of here when the time is right. Understood?"  
"I... yeah. My team knows I'm here... does... I..."  
Keith was such a mess he was talking way too much. Lance wasn't so cold-hearted that he'd kick him even further when he was this down... but he did need him to be the more rational one until he'd started healing  
"Keith. We're being recorded. Now isn't the time to be discussing this. I need you to pull yourself together again, and man up. The bed isn't much but it'll have to do. You need to get some rest, and so do I. All of this other stuff can wait for now"  
"I... yeah. Your right. I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry"  
"I don't know if I've forgiven you or not, but I'm not letting either of us die before we can talk about this. So come up here and sit next to me, or you can take the bed and I'll take the floor. They're waiting for someone to arrive..."  
"I thought they were waiting for you"  
"Unfortunately I'm not the last guest to the party"  
Keith let out a little snort, leaning back to wipe at his face as he did, or at least that was what Lance gathered he was going. He couldn't see jack shit in the dark  
"Did I ever tell you how much I fucking hate parties?"  
Keith's voice sounded slightly lighter, more hopeful. Like he was starting to pull himself from his slump  
"Maybe once or twice?"  
"Good. Good... as long as you know"  
"I think the whole universe knows. I know things look like quiznak right now, but we're going to be ok. I promise I'm going to get you back to Kosmo"  
"And I'm going to get you back to... me?"  
Nudging Keith with his boot, Lance permitted himself the tiniest of smiled at the thought  
"Maybe. We will be talking about this. All of this. I think you're a dick for getting caught, but I'm struggling to think of anyone else I'd like to be held prisoner with... Now, I'm going to get some rest. You should do the same. I have the feeling this is all coming to ahead and we're about to learn what all of this has been about"  
Sighing softly at him, Keith moved to rest his face against Lance's leg  
"We're going to get out of this, Sharpshooter. You and me against the bad guys"  
Lance's heart gave a funny beat, he didn't know how to feel about everything but Keith was finally calm and trying to joke, which meant everything to him at that moment  
"That's the spirit"  
Kissing his knee, Keith made to stand  
"Now get some rest. I'll wake you in a couple of vargas to check your wounds"  
"Deal"

Helping him lay out on the thin cot, Keith sat on the floor by Lance's head. A hand resting gently on Lance's right wrist as they settled down to wait for whoever was coming for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Its zak  
> my phone: I think I'm going to alternate how I please.


	31. Chapter 31 - Keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. I am still arguing with my phone over Zak's name. I think I'm just going to have to accept Zac.
> 
> Anywhoo... I'm still sick with my cold. I apologise for how horrible my chapters are right now... and as promised, we've gone back to Keith to fill in how he got himself captured... because these two idiots are on the same freakin wavelength.

Keith was about to end up in a whole lot of quiznak. He'd honestly tried his hardest to stay in his quarters and behave himself, but Shiro and Krolia were driving him crazy. Concerned for his mental wellbeing, after he'd gone ever so slightly crazy, Krolia refused him access to the information they had on what was happening out in Lance's sector in space. Shiro refused him access to the bridge of the Atlas, telling him he was acting irrationally. He wasn't acting irrationally, it was everyone else who had problems. Keith knew Lance wouldn't be found if he didn't want to be found, so having Zak leaving the long-range scanner scanning repeatedly for the signal from the Telula, or either of Lance's comms seemed slightly pointless. Lance had stopped to send his messages, then quiznakking disappeared. 

Keith had tried to sit still, and personally, he thought he should be commended for making it through the first movement without Lance, without killing anyone, or stabbing them. Ezor had come damn close. The loud chewing of her pink gum was deeply ingrained in her because she knew how much it pissed everyone off. They'd been sitting eating breakfast in the dining room, where Krolia was trying to make him talk and Acxa kept watching him. She was probably spying on him for Veronica, who by now had to know the full story of Lance vanishing but hadn't actually approached Keith over it so there was only so much the half-Galra could speculate. With Zethrid and Ezor unaware of how intertwined he'd become with Lance, Ezor had made an innocent teasing joke over his brooding ways. Before he knew what was happening, Keith had his blade pulled and the table half upended, and in the next tick, Krolia had him pinned against the table, Acxa removing his knife from his hold while Kosmo yipped happily at his family. With his team shaken up, Keith thought it best to put some distance between them. He couldn't help Lance if he was constantly on edge, but it was hard not to be when his dreams were filled with him losing his lover, and the constant battle to keep his head above water was on he was losing in the hardest of ways. If Lance died out there, he'd be the one to blame. Each dobosh of every quintants was filled with worry and fear that Lance had already been chopped to pieces or that he was being tortured over and over again. He'd barely been able to get through to Lance the first time around, a second round of torture would break the Cuban. It wasn't that Lance wasn't strong. He was way beyond strong, but with no face to this invisible enemy... well, Keith couldn't help but feel they were stronger. Stronger, faster, more powerful than one lone human could hope to defeat alone.

The start of the second movement brought news from Daehra that Lance was alive and safe. Lance hadn't said where he was, and apparently, Zak hadn't been able to get a trace on the Telula's signal despite the fact Lance had gotten word out to one of his friends and would be rendezvousing with them. Daehra insisted the person was trustworthy, yet, the initial excitement and relief of learning Lance was alive soon wore off when no second message from him came. Keith had sent what must have been a hundred messages to Lance's comms, begging him to contact him, or to at least contact Daehra to let her know he was still alright. It'd only been a movement. He'd broken Lance's heart, so it was understandable if Lance didn't want to talk to him... even if it felt like his heart would break each time he checked his comms to find no reply. He adored his husband. He'd adored Lance for so long that he didn't always remember that the love he felt for him hadn't been reciprocated for all that long in the scheme of things. Just because it felt so incredibly right to be with Lance, didn't mean that it felt right to Lance. Lance needed space and time to cool off, that much he got, but Lance could come back to the Atlas and do that. Where he'd be safe and where he wasn't at risk of capture. Keith was the one who'd fucked up, he was the one who would leave if that was the way things needed to be. He'd prayed more than once to whoever or whatever was out there that Lance would come home, yet all his prayers went unanswered, and as word of his quick temper and violent outbursts became common knowledge throughout the Atlas, the half-Galra was filled with a loneliness he hadn't felt in phoebs. People would leave the room whenever he entered. Whispers and stares followed him through the hall. No one knew what had brought about the change in him, only that he was acting like a monster.

It was Coran who sought him out. 

Sitting in his room, away from the prying eyes and awkwardness of ship life, Keith was playing with his holopad when the Altean knocked lightly on his door. Hunk had been trying to get him to talk since the incident with Ezor. Despite being Lance's "best friend", Hunk had only asked him twice if his mood was a reflection of Lance no longer being on board the Atlas. Pidge had already left the ship, taking Lance's family back to Earth a few quintants after Lance had run away. Thinking it was Hunk again, Keith ignored the knocking, focusing on the footage on the holopad. The footage its self wasn't anything exciting, instead, it was a recording of he and Lance walking the halls of the Atlas before everything went to quiznak. Lance was jittery nervous, but every time their eyes would meet, the man would offer him a smile. Keith could have stared at that smile for vargas if it didn't haunt him the way it did. He'd taken Lance's smile from him, causing him to run back into danger. Causing him to choose death over staying safe with him... Keith fucking hurt. 

Hearing the door to his quarters "whoosh" open, Keith was prepared to ignore Hunk. Sure, the man didn't deserve it, but between him losing his cool with Hunk which was completely uncool, and him upsetting Hunk for a few vargas by ignoring him, he'd choose option b every time  
"Keith, my boy. I was wondering if we could talk"  
Nearly dropping the holopad as he rushed to hide the device, Kosmo yipped his unhappiness at his human moving so fast, having to teleport himself off the bed before Keith accidental kicked him off  
"Coran?!"  
Smooth. Just yell the man's name. Way to make him think nothing was wrong  
"Everything alright there?"  
No. He was frustrated and flustered. Keith could feel the heat in his cheeks as he finally positioned himself to not look as stupid as he felt  
"Yes. Sorry. You startled me"  
"I'm sorry, my boy. I did knock..."  
Which he'd tried to ignore  
"I was lost in my own thoughts. Do you want to sit?"  
"Thank you"

Oddly polite Coran was weird. Not that Coran wasn't always polite, but something about his manner seemed off as he sat on the edge of Keith's bed just shy of where Keith was sitting  
"I was hoping to speak to you about Lance"  
Of course, this was about Lance... no one could ask Lance about Lance because Lance wasn't taking anyone's calls  
"Coran... I don't think that's... appropriate"  
"You're in love with our young Lance, aren't you?"  
Keith opened and closed his mouth half a dozen times, trying to find the words before hanging his head and staring at his hands and nodding  
"Ah! I guessed as much. Might one assume your current distress comes from him not being aboard the ship?"  
"I... yeah. I'm sorry if I've caused you any problems"  
"Not at all, my boy. I am however worried about him. He didn't seem himself when he was here, then he dashed off onto that mission faster than a Yerla chasing a Snaggil"  
"We had a fight... and I broke his trust..."  
Coran held the same simple smile on his lips, but a dreamy look filled his eyes  
"I seem to remember that happening frequently in the beginning. Back when you were all so small and innocent..."  
"It's not the same now. Lance isn't the same now..."  
Keith didn't want to talk about Lance's pain, but for some reason tears filled his eyes, his mouth moving on its own  
"... they hurt him so badly, and now I've hurt him just as badly"

As the first sniffle left his nose, Keith found himself being hugged by Coran. He and Coran didn't hug. Not like this... Coran and Lance did this. Both of them in tune enough with their emotions for this not to be... whatever this was  
"Lance isn't one to hold a grudge..."  
"You don't understand, Coran. They hurt him. They hurt him so badly and he hates himself so much... I don't know if he's coming back from this alive"  
"They tortured him, didn't that?"  
Keith tensed. It was still an unsaid thing since the briefing  
"I could tell when I saw him that he'd changed. When I tried to speak to him of this, he shut down. I thought perhaps it was due to our dear Allura, with his marks being covered"  
"I'm sorry, Coran"  
"Why are you sorry?"  
"Because I know you loved Allura, but she messed Lance up so badly that I can't talk about it"  
Coran released him, Keith knowing he'd crossed a line  
"Allura sacrificed herself to save the universe"  
"I know she did... but... she also changed Lance"  
"She changed him?"  
"Did you know Lance died? He took an electrical blast that would have hit Allura, and she brought him back to life"  
Coran frowned, his left hand moving to tweak his moustache  
"She never said anything about it to me"  
"She didn't say anything about it to anyone. Lance thought everyone knew and didn't care. She messed with his head. He said he hasn't felt right since she brought him back..."  
"That's simply not true. If something that major had happened, the possible impact that could and should have had on Voltron..."  
"Lance died! And he thought we abandoned him. He was tortured and he thought we abandoned him. Allura ruined his body. She changed him into something he hates. He doesn't understand what she did to him, only that he's not how he used to be, and now he's out there struggling on his own! His life was always more important than Voltron!"

Snapping at Coran, Keith came back mid-snap. Breaking off his yelling with a shake of his head, he buried his face in his hands  
"I'm sorry. Ok. Yes. I'm not coping without Lance here. No one will let me go look for him and honestly I'm terrified what kind of condition he's going to be in when I do find him"  
"It's quite alright to be scared. Can I ask you about what you just said? About "Allura ruining his body?" Allura cared deeply for Lance, so if something has happened, perhaps I can help make sense of it"  
Keith shook his head. Talking was Lance's strength, not his...  
"It's not my position to talk about"  
"I understand that... I simply want to help Lance. I wasn't there for him the way I should have been after Allura passed. Now you've said Allura did something to Lance, I need to know what you mean. Lance has always been special to me, and it's plain to see he's special to you... Perhaps you two..."  
"We... were kind of. It's complicated. He's... they really messed with his head so we've been taking things slowly. He isn't alright... Allura did something to him that didn't show right away. His scent's changed... and his body has changed. He's not exactly human anymore"  
Coran frowned deeper. Keith had never sat down to have an actual one on one conversation with him like this before...  
"Has he displayed Atlean physiology?"

Looking down to his palm, with everything going on he'd forgotten that Lance had zapped him that one time. Holding his hand out, Coran's eyes widened  
"What is that?"  
"Lance zapped me. It only happened once. Is there something in Altean Alchemy that can explain his? Why his body has changed, how he can do this? I don't think he knows he's the one who caused the scar..."  
"There were no traces of Altean Alchemy in his marks... The scanners read them as purely cosmetic"  
"Well, it's there now. His body has gone through some kind of change. His scent changes with his emotions. He's cold all the time. His body isn't... is no longer like that of a human male"  
"Why didn't he tell me? If something was wrong, he could have come to me. We could have figured this out together"  
He couldn't go to anyone because Lance believed no one cared anymore. When Allura had passed, it was all Coran could think or talk about. With the changes in his body, Lance was self-conscious enough, throw in a conversation over how Allura had fucked him up... It was understandable why Lance didn't go to Coran over it all  
"I think he was confused and hurting. It all took a lot of out of us when our lions left. I think he needed time to work everything out... Allura changed something inside of him, and I think it has to do with Altean magic"  
"I'll do my best to help. What are his other symptoms?"  
"I don't... I broke his trust. I shouldn't be talking about this. He's going to upset... if he's still alive"  
"You have reason to believe he's not?"  
"You saw the briefing, Coran. You saw what they were doing and those people are after him"  
"Then what are you doing sitting here?"  
"Shiro won't give me permission to launch, and Krolia... is being difficult"  
"Keith, I know we haven't been as close as the others, but if you believe Lance is in trouble, then you should be out there helping him. He let you in, and he chose you. Nothing would make me happier to see him happy again"  
"I don't know if he'll want to see me"  
"You won't know if you keep sitting here"

Keith never expected Coran to be encouraging him to go against Shiro and Krolia. He knew the Altean loved Lance, but now he was telling him to go put himself in danger in order to rescue Lance... Coran was usually more sensible than that, even with his overbearing and perky personality  
"What if he doesn't want to see me?"  
"Trust me, Number Four. Number Three is in love with you. He often spoke of you while you were gone. He might not talk of it openly, but he does have the tendency to shut everyone out and put their needs first. Now, do you have any other questions? We Altean's are quite knowledgeable after all"  
Coran's knowledge had a massive ten thousand year gap in it. Despite being Altean, there were subtle differences in Romelle when compared to the old Alteans due to evolution. Not many of the new Alteans could shapeshift like Coran and Allura could...  
"No... Not that I can think of. If you have some information on basic Altean Alchemy I wouldn't say no... Coran, can you keep this to yourself? Shiro would blame himself if he knew Lance had been suffering for so long. Especially with what Allura meant to him"  
"Of course my boy. You find Lance and you bring him back. The rest we can work out together"  
"I'm going to hold you to that. Can you maybe look into Lance's old scans? From when we came back to Earth and after Allura gifted him his marks. Anything changing physically within his body, or changing hormones? Something that would explain why he was able to use Altean magic to zap me..."  
"Consider it done!"  
"Thanks... sorry for crying in front of you"  
"There's no shame in crying, I, myself, cry 6 times a day"  
Keith wasn't sure anyone needed to cry that many times a day. He still wasn't completely sure this wasn't a dream, though he was leaning towards it not being a dream given how awkward it all felt. Patting his knee, Coran's knees cracked as he rose, the man muttering about some Altean ailment before sauntering towards the door, apparently not as uncomfortable as Keith was over whatever it was that had just happened. He wasn't even sure if he felt any better for having talked to Coran, but it was nice to have someone on his side, and someone encouraging him to go after Lance. Keith had no idea where Lance would be, so he was going to have to start from the start... and the start of all of this came back to Erathus.

Now set on this plan, Keith had everything he needed to be organised within the next few vargas. His old team was coming with him, as were Lance's team on the pretence of dropping them off. No one was buying it, but Krolia trusted Acxa to keep him in line. Too bad for her that she was on his side given that Lance was her girlfriend's little brother, and they both knew Veronica would be beyond terrifying if something happened to Lance... far more terrifying than a raging Krolia provided the mission turned out smoothly in the end. They were going to get his idiot back in one piece, and then he was tying Lance up so he couldn't up and leave him all over again. With a loaded ship, and ignoring Shiro's "Space Dad" lecture overstaying, Keith launched his ship from the Atlas... without technically having secured clearance. He was done sitting and waiting. He was done holding his tongue and only being able to tell half-truths. He was going back to Lance's side as it was only by his side did things seem right. And he was going to spend the rest of his life apologising to his accidental husband. It didn't matter what it took or even if it cost him his life, he was going to save his Lance.

*  
With Daehra's guidance, Keith stopped at half a dozen different rebel camps once they reached Lance's sector of space. No one was prepared to talk to him face to face, so, for the most part, he and Acxa wore their Blade suits and accompanied Daehra or Lucteal as they did the talking. There was a moment they thought they had a lead on Lance, Zak had said the Telula had appeared for an instant before he lost the signal again. It wasn't what Keith wanted to hear at all. There was only so much he could as he piloted his ship, and only so much worrying his heart could take. Even when it came to the small hours of the morning, he wouldn't leave his post at the helm of his ship in fear that Lance would reach out and he'd miss it. His mood was all over the place, especially when Daehra would fuss over him resting. As far as he was concerned she had no right to be telling him "Lance wouldn't want this", or "Lance would be worried to see him like this". If Lance was so quiznakking worried for him, then where the hell was he? He sure as hell wasn't out here. No one had seen the damn Telula or her stupid pilot. They'd left Chlo, Edra and Gin on one of the first planets they'd visited, but they proved just as useless as the rest of Lance's team, as their own searching had turned up nothing. The only thing he'd learned since leaving the Atlas was what he'd read about Altean physiology, and he'd never really been great at sitting down and reading page after page so he wasn't sure he'd made progress their either. His vague working theory was the same as it was when he'd learned Lance had a womb and could fall pregnant; Allura had done this as some kind of gift gone wrong and he was clueless. It kind of made sense from an "Altean ShapeShifter" point of view. Same-sex couples were able to change their bodies in order to carry young, but he didn't get how the mechanics of holding such an altered state worked. Lance may have awoken to his new Altean side and may be holding his form without even knowing what he was doing. If that was the case, then he should be able to shift back to his original body if he wanted to... All of it were half baked theories, much like the theories that had led him to the Blue Lion, only he didn't have some cool Lance tracking radar. The half-Galra had wanted something more to tell Lance, so it felt like he'd let him down all over again by not having all the answers ready for when they reunited again.

It was now three movements since Keith had last seen Lance. Three very long and every empty movements. Hovering in proximity or Erathus, he was about to play the last card he had in his hand. Having Acxa man the comms, she'd called through to the Erathian police department, and organised a meeting with the head of the organisation. Knowing there was a very real risk he would be arrested as an accomplice, they'd decided upon a two-part plan. Though Keith was sure the first part, the legal part of asking Lance to be pardoned would probably go over as well as... something not that great. He wouldn't have even bothered trying to do things diplomatically if not for Shiro. Keith would head down to Erathus alone, wearing a tracer in his suit so Zac would be able to trace his movements planetside. Given what he knew, it was more than likely he'd then be shipped out to the outpost to act as bait for Lance or to be held and ransomed back for silence from Daibazaal and the Atlas. His team were completely against the idea of him ending up out there. Zethrid very much for storming the police centre and taking the chief of police by force. Acxa proposed using the buildings vent system in order to reach their target, before taking him "into protective custody". Zac suggested hacking into the police network and then blackmailing the police into handing Lance over, to which Daehra questioned how well that had worked for him the last time he had done so. Keith, on the other hand, was taking the most direct approach he could by meeting the man face to face. The plan was that once he was "captured", he'd find a way to secure the outpost, then send signal for his team to join him. With the new cloaking technology his team had used when they'd originally rendezvoused with the Telula, his ship would take on the appearance of an Erathian cruiser, allowing them space to move if another cruiser should enter the area.

Getting clearance to land at the Erathian space terminal, officers were waiting for Keith as he disembarked his ship and headed into the main terminal where the grav-elevator down to the planet's surface was located. Dressed in their uniforms, all of them looked like his mere presence taxed them to point of snapping. He knew the looks on their faces too well from the times he'd slightly pushed his foster parents too far. The disapproving look came before the yelling, then would come being moved onto the next home because he wasn't worth the trouble or time. Lance knew he still held pain over his time in the foster system, but the Cuban hadn't realised his abandonment issues ran as deeply as Lance's own. He'd never had a proper home until Shiro came into his life, then his memories of his father started to fade. In some ways, it'd been easier not to remember his father, and the pain of him never coming home again. Being on the space whale with his mother had allowed him to make peace with his past, but since Lance had left, his old insecurities had been bleeding back to memory. Standing in front of the odd bunch of officers, Keith wasn't sure of their races, and Erathus had no native race. Was he supposed to identify himself? Clearing his throat, Keith went to do just that. His lips barely parting before one of the taller officers beat him to it  
"Former Black Paladin, Keith?"  
"Yes"  
"We will be escorting you. Are you armed?"  
"No"  
"Good"  
Shit. These guys were intimidating. Then again, that was probably why they were sent to greet him. Maybe he should have lied and said he was? As the group moved towards the grav-elevator, they fell in around Keith. Not one to suffer from claustrophobia generally, he felt that if he breathed too deep he'd be dropped before he got the breath out. Quiznak. He might be in further over his head than he thought... No. he had to do this for Lance. He had to get to that outpost and bring all of this to an end before so he could bring Lance home.

Waiting at the base of the shuttle centre was a dark tint police car, Keith treated like a prisoner as he nudged in the back to enter the car rather than invited, climbing in and being sandwiched by two officers with muscles the size of ro-beasts. Yep. He definitely wasn't breathing until he got out of this car. How Lance could go toe to toe with them, Keith had no idea. The feeling coming off them was completely different to any of the Galra on the Blades  
"You part Galra?"  
"Yes"  
Huffing at him, the man sitting across from him looked displeased at his heritage. It wasn't like Keith asked to be half Galra. What was he supposed to say other than "yes"? They damn well knew he was  
"Here on official business?"  
"Something like that"  
Shouldn't they know if they were there to collect him? 

By some mercy the conversation fell between them. Keith watching the world beyond the windows of the car with disinterest. They should have just hit up the outpost. It wasn't terribly guarded when he and Lance had visited... or rather, it was terribly guarded. His team would easily be able to overpower the base provided that reinforcements hadn't been shipped out there... then he would haven't to be dressed in this stupid suit without his weaponry. Lance would be so disappointed, there wasn't a blade hidden in either of his boots nor up his sleeves or strapped to his back, leaving Keith feeling quite naked without it during the 10 dobosh ride through the city and to the towering police centre.

Erathus police station wasn't what Keith expected a police station to be. It was uncomfortably Earth-like, yet a world away at the same time. Posters with strange alien text hung on the walls of the reception area, the aliens behind the desk were all as varied as the group who'd escorted him. Lead through the space, Keith felt like a criminal as everyone scattered away from them, suddenly unable to look him in the eye. He had expected this meeting to be in some shady building, like a bad Earth movie where the bad guys were always hiding out at some dingy warehouse, where the goons sat back in the shadows as they waited to attack. Despite what normal people may think, being brought to the station didn't bode well for Keith's mission. There were too many people, too many ears listening, to discuss dodgy things in great depth. He never should have let Shiro get into his head. He wasn't a member of the Atlas, his fondness of Earth was purely second hand. Being a Blade member meant bending the rules, even breaking them when needed... God. Things had gotten far too complicated for him. This right here was why he was more than happy to stand back and let Krolia and Kolivan rule publicly. He simply didn't have the patience for all of this. Shown through to the building's elevators, two of his guards peeled away without a word. Keith able to breathe again without their hulking presence behind him. 

Stepping into the elevator it was a stomach-churning ride upwards. The elevator far too fast for a building of this size. No elevator should take 15 ticks to go up 30 floors. The speed factor was probably to leave those brought in disorientated, but Keith would have preferred not to leave his stomach on the ground floor of the building when he was there as a "guest" and not as a "criminal". As the cold metal doors slid open, the stark white room space waiting did nothing for Keith's anxieties over the meeting, again, it was probably designed to throw people off especially in contrast to the busy bustling world outside. As Keith's senses sharpened, he realised the space was silent. There was no humming of air conditioning or air recycling. No tapping of anyone working. No whispered voices or the presence of staff. Simply a bland room with no evident exits other than the elevator. A hard nudge to the back brought Keith stumbling forward, his boots squeaking against the tiled floors. Getting three or four steps into the room, a section of the wall to the right side slid away  
"The boss will see you now"

Remaining near the elevator, Keith's goon squad left him to cross the threshold alone. His heart starting to hammer harder with each step closer towards the open door. A huge part of his mind was urging him to bolt. To avoid entering the room at any cost. Yet he'd come this far. He only had to go that tiny bit further. One step at a time. Patience yields focus. He could do this. The worse the man could say was "no", which would leave him in the exact same position he was already in. Besides, it wasn't like he was doing this just for himself. He was doing this for the man he loved and the man he wanted back by his side. Feeling braver, or perhaps more reckless at the thought of Lance, Keith walked through the open door.

The chief of police wasn't what Keith had expected. The short, squat alien had a very "Bob-esque" feel about him as Keith tried not to stare at the figure waiting for him. Waddling around to the other side of the desk, the man disappeared from sight for a moment before seating himself in a chair high enough for Keith to see his wrinkled face again. Grabbing some kind of thick cigarette from the pack in the desk, he lit it and took a deep draw before gesturing with the cigarette to the two chairs on Keith's side of the desk  
"Take a seat"  
Forcing confidence, Keith did as he was told, sitting in the closer of the two orangey coloured chairs that were much more comfortable than they looked  
"You are Keith?"  
"Uh... Yes. I am. I want to thank..."  
Holding his hand up, Keith's words were brought to a halt  
"I know what you're here about. I don't need the story. He ain't here, and as far as I know, his bounty has been marked"  
Marked? What the quiznak did that mean?  
"I'm sorry. I don't understand you. Daibazaal is prepared to meet the bounty costs for his return"

Stubbing out the cigarette in his fat fingers, the police chief leaned forward  
"His bounty has been claimed. Delivery pending, that is"  
"What? When did this happen?"  
"'bout half a varga ago. Your money would have done you no good anyway"  
Keith's stomach clenched, his lungs felt as if someone had punched him in the solar plexus  
"You issued it. Can't you cancel it?"  
The man drew his brow so heavily his monobrow looked like one huge purple caterpillar  
"I don't intend to die for someone like him. Best you forget him"  
"Are you serious? I came all this way to talk to you over legal options, and you're telling me to forget a Paladin of Voltron?!"  
Yelling wasn't going to solve anything... but fuck if his emotions weren't in control  
"I'm telling you that there's something's best-left lie"  
"What's that supposed to mean? Look, I already know you're dirty as they come. We have information on your less than legal business practices. Either you cancel that bounty, or you'll have both Daibazaal and Earth to deal with"

A flicker of something flashed over the man's face before he hardened his expression  
"You're messing with things you don't understand"  
"Then tell me..."  
"I value my life"  
"You're life?! What about..."  
"Look, kid, you're bluffing with an empty hand. Your friend is gone. If you want to find him, try looking closer to home"  
"What the hell does that mean?!"  
"It means the Galra aren't the only ancient evil in the universe. Maybe those you're in bed with aren't as clean as they make out. Now get out of here"  
Rising to his feet, Keith slammed his hands down on the man's desk  
"I'm not going anywhere until..."  
Letting out a whistle, the police chief summoned his men from the elevator  
"Escort the former Paladin from the precinct. If he isn't off-planet within the next half varga, removal by force is approved"  
What... hold on... what?!  
"Lance is innocent! You know he didn't have anything to do with those ships disappearing"  
"He is a known anarchist, in league with those who threaten peace"  
"No, he isn't! He's doing you fucking job for you!"  
Grabbed on both sides, Keith was dragged back from the desk. He hadn't even gotten the man's name. He didn't know the first thing about him that he could use as leverage. The chief didn't seem to care that Keith knew he was dirty  
"Daibazaal is going to come for you. They're going to arrest you, and you will be held accountable for you..."

A hard gut punch had Keith gurgling. Angered and pushed to the edge, Keith came up for air swinging. He hadn't intended to throw down with two officers, but that was exactly what happened. Or the start of what happened. Thrown into the clean expanse of the white room, some kind of gas hissed up from the floor, blasting him straight in the face as he found his feet, charging the closest man. He knew he was being stupid, but he couldn't stop himself. Every bit of everything he'd felt since Lance left bubbled up to the surface, the look on his face filled with bloodlust... until the gas finally kicked in. Losing his footing, he went down hard, yelping as a rough boot found his ribs. He was going to be feeling that for a while... a long while... stupid humans and their frail ribs. If they weren't broken, they were definitely bruised and either way, it wasn't going to be fun to deal with. All of this was what flittered through his mind as the gas robbed him of his consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit. It's like... horribly hard writing Keith and Coran having a serious conversation.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was like pulling hens teeth... here we go anyway. And no... I haven't edited the last one either... on the plus side my cold is finally going away, so there's that...

Coming too with a long groan, Keith was startled by Ezor hovering right over his face. Her smile wide as she chewed on her gum  
"He's awake!"  
Wincing at her yell, Keith placed his hand against his aching side as he forced himself to sit up, discovering he was back on his ship and back in his quarters  
"Take it easy, you have bruised ribs and are suffering the effects of the drug in your system"  
That kind voice and way of speech could only be from Daehra  
"He's fine. He's had worse than this"  
"He is still my patient. Rest is important to recovery"  
"He's part Galra. We're stronger than most"  
Great. Ezor had upset Daehra and now the two of them were fighting...  
"Excuse me... I am right here. Daehra, what happened?"  
Ezor huffed at him, jumping back from his side and crossing her arms with a pout. Coming over to his bed, Daehra sat herself down near his knees  
"You were left at the base of the spaceport. Zak said your tracker signal had been in place for the last two doboshes, so Acxa and Lucteal went down to meet you and found you unconscious on a bench in front of the port. Your left side is heavily bruised, and you were affected by whichever drug was in your system. Without my equipment, I was unable to perform an analysis. Do you have any lingering symptoms?"  
So they beat him up and left him for collection. That was... something. He'd kind of hoped being gassed would lead to a one-way ticket out to the outpost  
"No... I'm just a little stiff"  
"Any memory loss? Do you remember what happened on Erathus?"  
Scrunching his brow, Keith nodded. His mind felt foggy, but that would be the gas and would pass once it cleared his system  
"I met with him... he wouldn't change his mind about Lance... and he said something about... not trusting our allies or something... or them not being who they appeared to be. When he tried to have me escorted out, I kind of..."

"He means he got into a fight"  
Injecting herself back into the conversation, Daehra nodded at Ezor's words  
"I gathered as much from the state he is in. You have been unconscious for the last 6 vargas now. We have left the orbit of Erathus, and are now in a rather neutral sector for the moment. I have been contacted by Th'al while you slept. She is planning on meeting with Lance next movement"  
Keith lowered himself back down. His ribs hurt like a damn quiznak  
"He said something about Lance's bounty status changing. Do you know anything about that?"  
"No. It has not been updated on the boards. We do not have Th'al's pod signature so we cannot track her ship. All our security systems were designed by Zak. They are designed to be unhackable and he has done his job too well"  
"Can we contact Th'al?"  
"She said she will be in contact with us. We have been waiting for you to awaken before deciding our next course of action"  
That was easy. They'd tried knocking at the front door. Now was time for a side entrance  
"We're heading to the outpost. Erathus was a bust"  
"Not necessarily. You did learn that you are associated with those causing the disturbances here"  
"You mean his cryptic warning? I don't think we can believe anything the chief of police said. Not with how he acted over Lance"  
Daehra sighed  
"Alright. For now, I will inform Acxa of your decision. Is there anything you wish for the Atlas or your mother to be doing?"  
Why would she be asking that? The further away they stayed, the better  
"No?"  
"Understood. You should try eating something then sleeping off the rest of the drug in your system. Should you present with more systems, please notify immediately. I shall leave you to rest"  
"Thank you, Daehra"

When Daehra left, Ezor didn't follow. Rocking on the balls of her feet, it wasn't like her to be keeping her mouth shut  
"What is it?"  
"Acxa called Shiro"  
Going to shoot up, Keith barely made it a few inches before dropping back down  
"She did what?!"  
"Yep. Shiro will be sending a team to deal with the people who handed your arse to you"  
Shiro is what now?  
"This isn't funny"  
"I never said it was. That Daehra is weird. She's so nice it makes me sick"  
"She's a good person"  
"She's too nice. No one is that nice"  
"She's an empath. She can feel your feelings. I hope you and Zethrid haven't been making trouble"  
Popping her gum obnoxiously, Ezor hummed. Never a good sign  
"What did you do?"  
"Nothing. I definitely didn't let Acxa call Shiro, and I definitely didn't let her call Krolia"  
"She called my mum?"  
"They handed you your arse and left you sitting there like some kind of idiot. What happened, Keith? This isn't like you"  
"It's not like me?"  
It probably wasn't... He was acting sloppy and recklessly, driven by his need to see his husband again  
"Nope. Are you in looooove? Is that why you've been acting all weird since you saw Lance again?"  
Ezor's tone got under his skin, Keith's anger prickling at him for a tick before fading away, his tone filled with resignation  
"Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm serious about him. If you're going to laugh, you can just leave"  
Ezor sighed, her happy vibe dropping  
"Seriously, we've been working together for over a deca-phoeb. You don't think I can take this seriously?"  
"I don't know what to think. You all think Lance is some goof-ball. That he wasn't take anything seriously. He's not like that all... He... he's more than that"  
"We all get it. The Earthling is important to you. I'm sure he's not going to do anything too stupid. That's you're department"  
"I wish I could agree. Go tell Acxa to call Shiro and tell him not to come. He can't take on Erathus alone, we need to get to that outpost before Lance does"  
"Roger that! We'll rescue that boyfriend of yours, then demand payment"  
"No. We're taking a holiday once Lance is safe"  
"Boo. I'd rather the money"

Bounding out the room with far too much energy, Keith let himself relax properly against his bed once Ezor was gone. He wanted more time to mull over what the chief of police had said, but was far too close to falling back to sleep. Daehra had said to eat and rest, yet food meant having to move which felt too much like commitment at that point in time. All he'd gotten out the chief police had been a stupid cryptic clue over who to trust. The man's words were completely pointless given there weren't that many people he trusted to begin with. If it was something big that involved one of their allies then surely it would have come up by now? They had people who kept in regular contact with their alliances. Kidnapping and killing people would have had to have come to light, meaning what the man had said was a complete load of shit. The quiznakking arsehole didn't need to drug him... though, not that he'd admit it, he probably shouldn't have picked a fight with the police officers even if he was in a right royal arse of a mood. Shiro was probably going to yell at him, while his mother was probably going to be disappointed he hadn't held out for longer... God. He was so ready for all of this to be over. 

*  
Unable to justify laying in bed while his team was busy, Keith found himself creeping out of his quarters during what would be the small hours of the morning. With one hand holding his busted ribs protectively, he crept up to the helm of his ship to find Acxa piloting, and Daehra reading a data slate beside her. He didn't know the two of them had gotten so close, or close enough for them to both be doing their own thing without caring about the other. Looking up at him as her attention had been caught by the opening door, Daehra raised an eyebrow, pursing her lips as she prepared to scold him. Holding up his free hand, Keith nodded at her  
"I know. I'm supposed to be resting"  
"Yes, you are"  
"I'll rest when all of this is over. Where are we?"  
"Skirting close to a safe planet. Acxa and I decided we should wait until you were on your feet again"  
"I thought I told you to head towards the outpost?"  
Acxa sighed at him  
"You're in no condition to be performing a mission right now. We still have no way of approaching the outpost safely, and Shiro has instructed us to wait. He will be wormholing out to this sector once he has finished work at his current location"  
"We don't have time to wait. Lance's status has changed. For all we know he's already at the outpost..."  
Growling out the words, Keith gripped his ribs harder before continuing  
"... I refuse to let him be hurt again. I refuse to believe he's been cut to pieces. We're going after him. I'm going after him"  
Acxa crossed her arms  
"What aren't you telling me? Veronica is worried for him. She has no idea what has happened to him, and you're acting strangely. If you expect me to follow your plan, you need to tell me why? Why are you risking your life, and ours, for him?"  
"Because I fucking love him! I love him and they fucking hurt him. He thinks no one cares enough to be bothered by his death. He lets himself get hurt repeatedly, he throws himself into battle not caring if he dies. He's been fucking hurt, and I made things worse. So we're going after him. We're going to get him back and then he's staying by my side. I'm sorry Acxa, I know he's Veronica's little brother to you, but to me, he's my whole damn life!"

Yelling didn't help his ribs, the half-Galra wincing as he hunched over. Hearing the engines whirl, Keith's head shot up. Acxa flicking and tapping her way through firing up the engines and plotting their route  
"Wha... What are you doing?"  
Acxa continued as she spoke  
"He's family to you. I understand now. I don't agree with this, but it's better than you finding a way out there alone"  
"Wait a dobosh, Keith is wounded and your ship is too obvious"  
Daehra had a point. Limping over to the spare seat she sat in, Keith leaned heavily against it  
"There's a trash moon out here isn't there? Can we pick up a smaller ship there?"  
Daehra turned so she could look up at him  
"Thatus. Perhaps. It is usually used to scrap ships"  
"Acxa, take us to Thatus. Daehra, do you have anything here that can help heal my ribs faster?"  
"I'm sorry, I do not. I can rewrap your chest for stability, that may aid you?"  
Keith gave nod  
"We'll do that. I should have painkillers in the first aid box..."  
"I believe the first aid case is in your quarters. You sit here and remain still. I shall return"

Nodding his consent, once Daehra had left Keith took her seat. Watching Acxa, he wasn't sure what to tell her. Maybe the truth was the best way to go?  
"Uh... Acxa. About Lance. We decided we were going to take it slow. It's not that I didn't think you're not trustworthy, but..."  
"They tortured him?"  
"Yeah... it's awkward and hard to explain what's going on between us. But he's important to me..."  
"He's always been important to you. It did hurt when you wouldn't say what was happening, but you were trying to protect him. I understand. When we find him, be sure you tell him how much you love him"  
"He knows... I'm actually the one who confessed my feelings to him first"  
"Dammit. Now I owe Veronica 500 GAC. We were sure Lance would confess his feelings first"  
Keith drew his brow  
"You two talk about Lance?"  
"Of course we do. She's been very worried over him"  
"Lance knows, he's not ready to talk though. Things didn't go well with him living on Earth"  
"She never said anything about that"  
"It's complicated. Given you're dating Veronica, it's probably best I don't explain it all. I don't want to put you in a position where you need to lie to her"  
"I understand. He does know he can talk to her, doesn't he?"  
"Yeah... Lance knows. He just needs more time. How far out from Thatus are we?"  
"Zac updated our star maps for the area. The nav system is saying it's roughly a varga and a half until we reach them"  
"That's not too bad..."  
It was a quiznak of a lot closer than Keith thought  
"We were already a way away from Erathus. Keith, do you still plan on going into the outpost alone"

Several long ticks passed, he'd just told himself to be honest with Acxa, and yet, he was wavering in his convictions. If something happened to his team, he could never live with himself. In a new way, he felt like he understood what Lance had been saying all along. This fight wasn't there's... but... at the same time, it was. The threat out there threatened to spill further, and it was already too far spread for him to see the full picture. What was the right choice to make? Either choice could end in regret... Lance might be injured. He might need help to extract his lover from the clutches of whoever held him... but leading his team in there might just turn into him leading them to their deaths... he couldn't do that... he couldn't risk his team... even for the love of his life. The realisation threatened to send him into tears. He was choosing his team over the man he'd claimed he loved...

"I do"

Acxa didn't miss a beat  
"Then we need a plan"  
He had a plan. A shaky plan but the start of a plan nonetheless  
"I'll take a ship to the outpost alone. They've already seen my face"  
"If you're going in, you're not going in without a backup plan"  
"No. I can't risk your lives"  
"Keith..."  
"Acxa, please. Lance... he could already be dead. If I go in alone, I don't have to worry about you all ending up dead too"  
Acxa scoffed  
"Yeah. Right. It's perfectly fine for you to throw your life away, and you expect us to simply comply. No way is that happening"  
"Look. I don't see another way"  
"You don't see another way because you have been blinded by your love for Lance"  
He'd been beaten and bruised and may have held poor control over his emotions, but he wasn't blind  
"You have no right throwing that back in my face!"  
"You want to play hero and rescue him so all will be forgiven"  
"It isn't like that!"  
It kind of was... when Acxa's voice reached his ears, he realised that maybe he did. Maybe he did want to be the one who saved Lance so that Lance couldn't run from him again... He just wanted him back...  
"We're going with you"  
"You can't..."  
"Then let us wait close enough to the station to provide backup. Don't send us back to Shiro"

Keith opened and closed his mouth, still gored on the horns of dilemma. What was to stop the Erathian police firing on their ship in his absence? What was to stop them from boarding the ship and taking all of them prisoner? The threat of the Atlas and the threat of retaliation from Daibazaal didn't seem to phase the police chief as much as the thought of losing his life by trusting them with the truth  
"Krolia will be preparing a unit, as will Shiro. If you insist on a solo entry, then we'll be close by. How many enemy soldiers were there last time?"  
"I don't remember. The base didn't seem to be an overly large complex... maybe... a dozen?"  
"And do you feel confident over a solo entry? If they are to take you prisoner, do you feel you could gain access to the air ducts, or potentially overthrow a guard?"  
"The guards made up for their lack of experience with numbers..."  
He'd honestly been too focused on getting Lance out of there. What they'd witnessed still churned his stomach, and now he was going back like some idiot  
"Then we make a plan. If you don't return within a quintant or contact us, we'll follow you in"  
"Time works differently in there. Quintants in there are movements out here"  
Acxa frowned  
"We're not leaving you for movements"  
"You'll need to consult with Zac. He calculated the magnetic fields and asteroids. Also, due to the conditions inside the pocket of space, access isn't always available..."  
"Then that's what we'll do. With our new cloaking technology, we may be able to follow you without detection"  
"No... I refuse to let you guys follow me when you could end up dead. We have no idea who or what is waiting for us"  
"Keith. It's either we follow, or I'll shoot out the control panel so we have no choice but to wait for Shiro"  
"You can't do that!"  
If his ship wasn't running, he couldn't get to Lance...  
"I can and I will if I have to. Now, do we have a deal?"  
He didn't have a choice. He needed to get to that outpost as soon as possible, and he knew Acxa's threat wasn't an empty one but rather a promise  
"Fine..."  
"Good. I'll update Krolia on the situation. You need to rest. Zethrid and Ezor have Kosmo for the night. Lucteal and Daehra both have beds made up in the storage hold. I will pilot us to Thatus"  
"I'm perfectly capable of piloting"  
"You know the rules. You're injured, which means you forfeit the right to pilot until healed. Now please go find Daehra... you might not be able to bear it if anything was to happen to us, but we feel the same way about you too, Keith."

With freshly strapped ribs, Lucteal and Keith walked through the metallic junk piles that covered Thatus. Ships and ship pieces lay in various stages of salvaging, the towers of parts stretching high, as well as forming trip hazards all over the ground. Out of everyone, Lucteal was the one handling Lance's absence almost as bad as he was. Lucteal, however, had Daehra to lean on, while Keith just had endless hours of self wallowing and rage. The first movement after the loss of Lance had been the worse when it came to his temper, he'd been unable to calm himself. Now was still plagued with the lingering prickling anger, but moving forward meant he was moving closer to Lance. Moving forward towards the man who loved and the man who made everything better in his life. Lance was always there for him. Whether it be a rough day or a bad nightmare, Lance would push his problems aside to be there to hold him until he felt better. Perhaps Lucteal could sense all of this, as he hadn't been an insufferable arsehole since coming with them on this scattered adventure to find Lance. Reaching the trade tent, Lucteal held the tent flap open for him. He really must look awful if they'd evolved into Lucteal opening tent flaps for him.

It was the same muscled brown alien behind the workbench in the tent that Keith had spoken to over Guile's disappearance. Keith could almost swear they were tinkering with the same device they'd been last time, just to complete the picture of a stereotypical junker. Looking up from their project, the aliens flickered over him before settling on Lucteal with a big smile  
"I heard you were in trouble"  
"And I heard you were working for a change. Is Baja here?"  
"You never come to see me. Baja's off-planet at the moment. What trouble are you getting into this time?"

So apparently Lucteal was here enough to be friendly with them. Keith hadn't expected that... It seemed to him he'd been forgotten in the background  
"This Keith. Keith, this is Yule. Leandro needs a pickup, so we need a ship"  
"What about the ship you came in?"  
"That's his. He's not exactly on Leandro's team"  
"And the Telula? was it? Did it finally up and die?"  
"I wouldn't let Leandro hear that. No. He's off with her and we need a ride out there"  
Keith had never seen Lucteal so talkative with someone who wasn't Lance. He didn't know what to make of it... Was Lucteal crushing on this alien now that he knew Lance was permanently off the market? He had no idea what flirting really looked like. He and Lance hadn't gone about things in the traditional sense of dating  
"That's not what I've heard. I heard he's got a bounty on his head"  
Lucteal huffed, shuffling his weight semi-awkwardly as a hand came up to play with the edge of his hair. This was surely flirting... Lucteal was flirting...  
"You know Erathus. They're less than honourable. Leandro did nothing wrong"  
"I never said he did... though I've got no idea why he's in trouble, absolutely none. It's not like he's single handily upset almost everyone on that pretty little planet with all his tampering. Still. He brings in the business and it's all about that GAC at the end of the quintant. If you're after a ship, I think we can help. We've got some pods Baja was supposed to strip, damn imbecile's left them sitting for the last phoeb. Or do you need something bigger like that junker of yours? You know I'll give you a fair price when you finally trade that floating wreck in"  
"Leandro would sooner die than give up the Telula. We'd all rather die than give up the Telula. She is out home"  
Yule held... her? hands up. All four of them, as they? sighed at Lucteal  
"You know I'm only messing with you all"  
"Then remember that the Telula is our home. We need a ship that's not going to short out when travelling through magnetic fields"  
"Lemme guess, that idiot commander of yours is heading back out that way again?"  
"Leandro is not an idiot"  
"I'm using his own words"

Keith's who body felt as if he'd been jump-started at the prospect of Lance being on Thatus recently, forgetting he'd been excluded from the conversation, he hurried to ask  
"Have you seen him? Was he here within the last phoeb? Did he seem alright?"  
Yule raised a thick dark brown eyebrow at him  
"How do you expect me to know all that? He doesn't come out this way for anything other than work. I heard he's been bouncing around with Th'al. Friend of a friend and all that quiznak. I ain't seen him about 3 phoebs. Didn't even come back to collect his GAC from his last drop"  
Keith deflated on the spot. Of course, Lance hadn't been here. That would be far too easy and far too safe... Shooting Keith a glare, Lucteal held it for a few ticks before looking back to Yule  
"Ignore him, Yule. He knows nothing about what it's like out here. We only need a small one-man pod, two after we pick Leandro up"  
"I think we've got an old Galra fighter jet. She might be banged up, but Baja isn't here to say no. Just do us a favour and drop your next ship our way"  
Lucteal smiled a genuine smile and shocked the heck out of Keith. The man was acting surprisingly human. His English was already far better than when they'd met, and now he was flirting and charming Yule... Lance would have been proud, or would have wiped away pretend tears from the corners of his eyes as he whispered about how "they all grow up so fast". Maybe this was simply Lucteal copying how Lance would have handled the situation. Either way, Keith wouldn't say no to a Galra fighter jet  
"Sounds good. Where are we looking?"  
"Follow through the Greenlock cattle ships until you hit the T join, then take it right to the end. You'll find all the Galra jet parts there. Take whichever one you can get fired up. We'll chuck it on the account. Galra aren't too popular so their parts don't move like the used to"  
"Thanks, Yule. I'll be sure to send Leandro to deal with the account"  
"You better. Baja's going to throw a fit when he hears I didn't charge you on the spot"  
"Baja's always throwing a fit"  
"This is true. He's better now he's got Yuhpee"

Giving Yule a wave, that seemed to be how the conversation ended. Lucteal making his way back out the tent with Keith trailing after him. His ribs complaining with every damn step, but he still had more than enough self-pride and wasn't about to fall behind Lucteal of all aliens.

"Do you know where you're going?"  
Trying to make conversation as they started walking back through the labyrinth of parts, Keith regretted his question. With how blunt it sounded, he wouldn't have been surprised if Lucteal thought he was insulting his intelligence  
"Yes. Greenstock ships then right at the T"  
"Can I ask what all that meant? A drop? And what makes Greenstock ships special?"  
Lucteal had lost the air of "Lanceness" as he hastened his pace  
"Greenstock was a planet out past our homeworld that was renown for its... You wouldn't have a word for it. It was a beast that could travel far on little water. It had much strength and the Galra soon wiped out the entire species of them with their greed. Old ships sometimes randomly turn up in this area of space, with all the magnetic forces, temporal anomalies and time issues... I do not know why I'm bothering to explain things. Any ship with no claim gets taken here. A drop here is a ship we've come across and liberated from its owner or was left abandoned. It's happened a few times here and there. If it's too far away, Baja will take a crew to collect. And because I know you will only hassle me with more questions a "Yuhpee" is a small yipping animal about a third of the size of your wolf. It has brown scales and is raised as a companion according to Zac's data. Now we walk, try not to fall over or Daehra will be more than irritating"

Keith kept his mouth shut as he processed. There was nothing usual about the Galra erasing whole species lines... and the owner of the salvage company on the moon was a grumpy old man who'd softened up because he'd gotten a space dog. Keith had thought they didn't do much business here because Lance hadn't been out in this area of space for more than six phoebs when they'd met, but his brain also hadn't thought of all the time stuff happening anywhere other than out near the prison station either. His accidental husband had also mentioned he had trouble with time since being held captive... so maybe while it'd been six phoebs to Lance, it'd been both longer and shorter in other sectors of this space. Trying to work it out, the half-Galra quickly gave up. Time travel and tracking was simply too much to comprehend when you started thinking about how huge space really was. In fact, it was kind of amazing humans even existed. How people figured out television, radio, mobile phone and computers back in the 20th century he'd never know. To make such huge and sudden leaps seemed impossible, and surely people back there had to question if any of it was actually real, and if they'd themselves were real. Everything they took for granted must have made them all question their own tiny existences once. Keith hadn't stopped to ask himself any of these questions before being hurled into space. Since he'd come to grips with his past, part of him had been trying harder to understand his human side... but the mystery of that kind of wonder still felt foreign to him. The only wonderous thing in the whole universe, to Keith, was that Lance had feelings for him too.

Reaching the area of the moon dedicated to Galra technology, Keith was impressed by how much salvage was there. Pieces of everything from half dismantled cruisers to scraps of sentries lay before them like bodies strewn across a field, left rotting after some sad battle  
"What can you fly here?"  
Most of it? Except for sentries as sentries didn't seem to fly without some external source of propulsion  
"Pretty much most of it. Those cruisers aren't going anywhere. Do you see any fighter jets?"  
"Probably further down. They don't exactly sell Galra parts out front"  
"They carry more than I thought they would..."  
Lucteal scoffed  
"Of course they do. They take almost everything. If it can be recycled it is. If it can be rebuilt, it is. They pretty much scrap ships for everyone out here"  
"I didn't pay that much notice when I was here before"  
"The great and legendary Keith can think of anything other Lance? I don't know if I can imagine that. Not with the way your emotions have been flooding out"  
There was the arsehole he knew. Keith ignoring him as he shuffled on. It wasn't like he wasn't sympathetic towards the two empaths, but he couldn't shut down what he felt for Lance. He wouldn't even try. With everything crumbling Lance was the hope that kept him going  
"That's exactly what I mean. You're thinking of him again. Do you really have so little faith in him? He was doing perfectly well before you came along. Now, please find this jet of yours. I would like to be off this planet as soon as possible"  
"Lance wasn't fine, you were all too stupid to see that. I thought you and he were close, but you really know nothing about him, do you? If you're so anxious to leave, then go. I'm sure I can find a ship on my own"

Grabbing him by the shirt, Lucteal pulled Keith sideways into a towering pile of ship metal. Cringing as his sore chest made contact with something particularly pointed, he then growled as shoved Lucteal back  
"I know you're fucking mad at me for some shit, but Lance made his choice"  
"I know he made his choice, but you have no idea what he means to us! We look up to him and respect him. Never has he doubted himself in front of us as he does when with you. You make him doubt himself. You make him question his leadership. He is strong. Stronger than anyone else in this sector, yet you do not even think. He left because of you. Do you not think he would have been able to pull himself back together by now? Is this why we must follow you? He is strong and he has a plan. You have no plan. You're acting recklessly. You knew Erathus would hold no leads and you went. Leandro wouldn't have. It was a waste of time. Now find this ship so we might go"

The lecture wasn't appreciated. Lucteal had been sheltered all his damn life. A little rich kid who was now running around the universe like he had a clue what it was really like out there. Forcing his aching body to full height, Keith bit back the pain as he pushed past Lucteal, mentally taking back his sympathy towards the man and his sister. Daehra was the only one he was going to make an effort towards, even if it meant pissing Lance off. He didn't understand Lucteal, and he'd simply have to accept that. After all, it was impossible to be friends with everyone in existence. No one was built that way... Keith had almost been cruel enough to mention the fact that thanks to Annla he and Lance were technically married, but the words died on his tongue. Maybe he was still trying to find a way to get along with him for the sake of Lance? Or maybe he didn't feel like being pushed back into the sharp pile of metal? Either way, he didn't so much as glance back at Lucteal. Perhaps that was the answer to everything, simply ignoring what he couldn't handle and focusing on what he could.

*  
The only fighter jet that was capable of flying needed work. There'd been three relatively in shape still, but one of those had blood throughout the cockpit, with lumps of something that looked suspiciously like bits of flesh splattered on the back wall of the space. The other one was missing too much wiring from under the dash, leaving the third option which needed the armour of the left-wing replaced. Unable to do the repairs by himself, Keith had called through to his team, Zak banned from coming on the planet due to some past grievance with Yule and Baja, so Daehra stayed on board his ship with him. Lucteal had taken to wandering through the ship parts, with Ezor and Zethrid. Leaving Acxa alone to tinker with the wing of the jet, and Keith to stand and watch on while feeling like a weak idiot. He was tired of everyone else doing what he should be doing. Thanks to jumping in head first, he was left licking his wounds and mulling over what Lucteal had said. He loved Lance. He loved waking up with him. Cuddling into him. Having Lance hold him until he calmed from whatever nightmare reared its ugly head. Things hadn't been perfect. Withdrawal had taken far more than he wanted to admit out of him, and now there was a risk they'd have to go through that all over again... Did Lucteal see going through withdrawal as a weakness? Because Keith couldn't see things that way. It took strength to say he needed help. It took strength to let someone in and to let them help. Lucteal was full of shit. Keith already knew Lance was fucking strong. He made an amazing commander for his team, their loyalty proved that, as did his briefing on the Atlas. Lance controlled the whole room, despite the fears and anxieties he'd held. Yes, he doubted himself, but Lance had told him when he'd suffered his own doubts over being Black Paladin that all leaders felt that way. At the time he'd thought them just words to soothe him, now he knew otherwise. Lance was living the words of advice he'd given him so long ago. He trusted and relied on his team, something Keith realised he hadn't done completely with his own. It wasn't like he didn't like Ezor and Zethrid, yet when they were alone he never knew what to say. He'd never moved past whatever they were when they'd formed their team over a deca-phoeb ago... He'd let the girls organise themselves... Quiznak. He was a terrible leader. He was leading his team into danger without that key trust... no wonder Acxa and Lucteal had both spoken to him as they had. He was still a child... Things were going to change when he got Lance back. He wouldn't be going back to Daibazaal until he'd sat down and done some serious self-reflection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now. The reason Keith's keeps repeating thoughts and getting stuck is because he's under a whole shit ton of stress. I thought it a tad more realistic for his mind to constantly be a bit muddled given he's a mess with worry and fear... don't worry, our idiots will do the talk about it later on. Keith isn't just there for Lance, Lance is there for him too 
> 
> Xxx


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. I have no excuse. I've been gaming. DMC 5 and this stupidly addictive game on my phone... it's toooo good. I've cleared a few hundred levels, only like 500 to go...

Flying the fighter jet was a little lonely. Unlike the Telula, Keith's ship didn't have the same grav-hook system. The hooks they did have were for a smaller pod sized craft, not something with the curved roof and wide span of a fighter jet. Also, his ship wasn't as fast as the fighter jet, meaning he'd left them all behind quintants ago, carrying out the initial part of the plan alone. Zac had written a new program code that would calculate the time differences between the outpost and the planet they'd decided to land on to wait for him. With quintants passing during what would be vargas for him, it felt mean to keep his team confined to such a small space for what could possibly be a movement or even two with no contact.

Reaching the entrance to the space that would lead him through to the outpost, Keith had managed to turn the movement long trip into two and a half quintants. Taking a moment to stare at the unsuspecting area of space, he took a deep breath to calm his heart. In a few vargas he'd be taken into custody at the outpost. In a few vargas he was either going to be reunited with Lance, or be the target of whatever nefarious plot was being schemed up. That police chief's cryptic message was still as cryptic as when he'd told him to look into his allies. Allies weren't his problem... Weird arse cults were his problem. Cults that should have died when the head was cut off... or when their second head was cut off. The more he thought about it, the happier he was to wait when it came to blow jobs... not that he'd force Lance into something like that, he just preferred being attached to his dick... Pushing forward on the control stick for the jet, Keith nodded to himself. If he stayed there then he'd never find the answers he and Lance had been searching for.

*  
Landing in front of the outpost, the building was just as unappealing as it had been the first time. Standing in front of the landing space, several armed aliens looked extremely annoyed as they locked eyes with him. Well, Keith assumed they were trying to behind the jet's tinted windscreen. His approach would have been picked up by the outpost scanners and any outgoing signals, that might have made it out past the magnetic waves, were probably now jammed by the outpost. Lance had been the one who knew all of this personally, so without him there as back up, the half-Galra found himself taking everything Daehra and Zak said with a grain of salt. They'd told him that once the control room of the outpost had been captured, he'd be able to notify him over the success of his mission. They'd settled on three quintants for him to complete the mission alone, though that could change depending on what kind of condition Lance was in. If his idiot husband? was too badly wounded, he'd be upping that schedule... Even if that meant escaping without any new information and pissing Lance off in the process. Nothing they could learn was worth the life of the love of his life. Absolutely nothing.

Climbing out the fighter jet, Keith raised his hands. He wasn't carrying anything weapon wise and would be relying on his own strength to complete his part in the part. Seeing him unarmed, the officers waiting for him rushed him. Two on each side as his arms were seized and his legs kicked out, his head hanging as he fought to control the impulse to fight back  
"What are you doing here?! Identify yourself"  
Identify himself? He hadn't expected that bit. Shoving a blaster in his face, Keith's head was forced up with the muzzle  
"It's him. The one who caused the trouble last time. Why are you here?!"  
If this was Lance, Lance would have some terribly witty line  
"I'm here to blow your outpost up"  
Raising the blaster out of his face, the man armed the weapon. Apparently, he hadn't been witty by supplying most of the truth  
"We don't have time to deal with rats... Why are you really here?"  
"Sightseeing. You know, Leandro said this place has a fantastic view"  
Lowering the weapon, Keith's arms were twisted behind his back as the man brought a hand to his ear, turning away as he spoke into his hidden comms. After a few ticks of asking what whoever in command wanted to be done with him, anger formed on the man's face at the reply as he turned back to face the group  
"He's Leandro's friend from Daibazaal. The half-Galra, Keith. Cuff him. They want him in one piece. If he's here, then Leandro will come for him. They are rumoured to be involved"

Keith's heart kind of soared, or maybe it have a sideways step and strong thump at the fact Lance wasn't there. But if Lance wasn't there, then where was he? If he was making his way out here, they should have run into him. Th'al's ship should have been picked up on the fighter jet's scanner... Was it possible they'd flown right past each other? Or had the sensors been damaged and not repaired by Acxa? And hold up... how did they know that he and Lance were involved? They hadn't exactly made it public... it was kind of an open secret on the Telula, and a Shiro and Curtis secret on the Atlas... because they both had no self-control when they were drunk. After what had happened in the briefing, he doubted Krolia would put her foot in it further... Was this what the police chief had meant about their allies? That there was someone deliberately feeding information to whoever was after Lance? In that case, who? It wasn't his team. Ezor had a big mouth, but she also had a kind heart that she liked to hide deep down. No one on the Atlas had been out to this sector of space. Lucteal and Daehra seemed loyal to Lance... He really couldn't imagine either sibling spilling the gossip. Zac was... Zak. Lance had literally saved his life, and trusted him enough to allow him to design all the ship's security. After what he'd been through, Lance would have wanted to feel completely safe on the Telula. His fragile mental health wouldn't have been able to handle anything happening to his team. Th'al was an unknown, but Lance trusted her enough to be with her... so who was left? The three they'd dropped off at the rebel camp... and Tobias. Tobias was... simply there... and he wouldn't be simply there if Lance didn't trust him, same with the others... 

"Bring him to the cells. They want to monitor him. He's an excellent specimen of mixed genetics"

Pushed and pulled from his thoughts, Keith got to his feet. His mind still firmly trying to figure out this riddle. He wanted to trust Lance's judgement. But the little voice in the back of his head decided it needed to pop up and remind him that Lance had been fooled by Klearo. He'd been tortured and... because he'd been too trusting. In that case, it could be anyone from the Telula... No... He and Lance had "broken in" before. "Involved" didn't necessarily mean "dating" it could mean "partners in crime", which they were... But thinking like that, wasn't that too hopeful? He didn't have any answers for all the questions in his mind, annoyingly, Shiro's words came to mind "patience yields focus". He was going to have to be patent, and hope that some kind of focus magically appeared because otherwise he was simply lost in the dark on all of this. Or maybe he could focus really hard in the cell and patience would magically appear. Either way, he should be happier than he currently was because Lance wasn't there with him. With a little luck, this would all be over by the time Lance arrived, excellent specimen or not... plus, he had no intentions of playing the perfect and model prisoner should they go to lay hands on him in any "experimental" way. He doubted that the cells could hold him in, especially if there was a vent in the space, if they were using such low technology as manual handcuffs.

Escorted through the front doors of the outpost, Keith couldn't help it as his mind dredged up the memories of the time he'd spent running through the halls in a blind panic with Lance. It seemed like a lifetime ago, yet at the same time, it seemed like only a hand full of quintants had passed. The half-Galra could almost hear Lance's voice in his mind as he screamed over the bloodied room and the man who'd torn his innocence from him. If the mission to find answers over everything wasn't so necessary, Keith would have been happy to throw down right there. He'd be more than happy to reduce the outpost to a pile of burning rubble, along with each member of staff currently inside. It was revolting to think that behind the doors they were approaching parts of aliens were tagged and bagged, ready to be shipped off to eager buyers all over the universe. Dragged to the front desk area where scans were normally performed, Keith jumped as he felt one of the men pull free a sample of his hair. Growling at the stranger only served to make the man laugh, before the leader of the group was grabbing him by the jaw and forcing his mouth open in order to shove some kind of swab inside. Biting down and resisting, the man delivered a hard jab against his sore ribs, Keith opening his mouth to gasp in pain which allowed the swab to be retrieved.

"Make no mistake. Your status as a specimen is guaranteed, alive or dead"

There was no room for misinterpretation in the man's cool tone. His words were deadly serious as he passed the swab stick over to the officer at the desk. In too much pain to focus, he missed the question asked of him, his accidental lack of cooperation resulting in him being grabbed by the back of the head and having his face smashed into thick stone counter twice  
"Insolent scum. Take him to the back cell. They'll be here for him soon enough"

With an aching head, a chest that felt like it was stuffed full of broken glass, and anger boiling in his blood, Keith grit his teeth together as he forced forward like a powerless fool. He could have replied, or thrown his mother's status in their faces, pointing out the fact they'd taken the son of the ruler of Daibazaal, but Keith liked to think he took the higher road by not giving them the satisfaction of a reply. None of any of this had to do with the fact his head was spinning as his stomach rolled, and if he didn't bite down the pain he'd probably throw up on his feet. No. He wasn't going to give them anything they could turn against him, or use to humiliate him further then the damn cuffs he was in. He'd watched and he'd wait, and when the time was ready, he'd do what needed to be done.

**  
Roused from his near nap state by Lance's wheezing cough Keith moved to kneel, his hand coming up to brush Lance's sweaty fringe from his forehead. His heart had sunk when he'd heard Lance's voice, at first he wasn't sure he wasn't hallucinating his lover's voice until Lance was thrown into the same cell as him. Having been left in the cold dark space, he'd spent most of his time laying on the thin mattress in an attempt to let his body heal as much as was physically possible before they decided to explore how good of a specimen he actually was. There was a small vent in the ceiling above the cell, but it was too high for him to climb up and unscrew alone. Plus, he had the feeling his shoulders wouldn't fit through the gap... His plan might have been ruined, if not for Lance's arrival, despite his desperate desire not to involve his husband.

"Lance? Babe?"

Coughing and gasping, Lance grabbed for him. Keith wincing as he took a finger to the eye. It was far too dark for Lance to see, even Keith's heightened senses were struggling with the inky blackness of the place. The red flickering light at the end of the hall only seemed to grow further the longer one stared at it  
"K-Keith? Oh god... oh... fuck... the what a fucking dream"  
Catching Lance's hand before it dropped back to his chest, Keith intertwined their fingers. The cold metal of the cuffs cutting into the tender skin of his wrist, but Lance needed something to ground him after a bad dream  
"I'm here. You've been asleep for around 2 vargas or so"  
It was a half a guess and half... intuition. The Blades would have once easily left behind anyone running late during a mission, and while things had changed, Keith still found himself mentally keeping tabs on time without thinking  
"No wonder I still feel quiznak... fuck..."  
"Are you ok?"

Grunting, Keith felt Lance rolling over, Lance releasing Keith's hand to do so. Was he ok? Not really. They were locked away in a cell awaiting being used for experiments until they expire or whoever was in charge of everything came for them  
"Me? Yeah, I'm alright. I was just thinking"  
"About what?"  
"How much of a dumb arse you are"  
Keith's words were filled with affection, having forgotten that everything was probably being recorded right now  
"I'm not a dumb arse. I had things handled until you crashed my mission"  
"I was here first"  
Lance sighed at him deeply  
"We are so not fighting. Here, swap with me. You should sleep"  
"Babe, you're the one who's injured"  
"Trust me, I'm not going back to sleep"  
"Want to tell me about it? Your dream, I mean?"  
"Right now the dream's to get you out of here in one piece. God. I do not want Krolia coming after me"

Keith huffed in annoyance. Things felt... like two gears not quite aligned  
"You were coughing. Like you couldn't catch your breath"  
"Mmm. It's over now. I really wish there was some light in here"  
"Lance..."  
He wanted to pull him into his lap. He wanted to hold his lover tight and feel the heat of his warm breathing body against him. He'd missed him so fucking badly, and the moron had intentionally gotten himself injured. How could not worry?  
"We're being filmed, so excuse me if I don't want to talk about it and give them any more ideas of what fun they can have. It's over. I'm awake. You need to sleep. That's all there is to it"  
Oh...  
"Ok. Ok. You're right. I just... it was a long phoeb and a half without you around"  
"Phoeb...and half?"  
Looking down to his lap, Keith felt... he felt confused by Lance's confused tone. He knew time had gone out the window for him, but surely he had to know it'd been a phoeb  
"5 movements, 7 quintants and a few vargas... Since you left... I thought about you the whole time..."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. How long did you count?"  
"I... uh. Thought it was about a phoeb. I kind of lost track of time for a while there..."  
Lance had lost nearly two movements... How did someone lose that much time?!  
"You lost track of time? How did you... you... where were you? We went looking for you... I went to Erathus looking for you..."  
"You went there? Oh man... is that how you wound up here?"  
"No. The chief of police wouldn't take me in. He was more concerned with you. Did he remind you of Bob?"  
"No. He always reminded me of Lotor... not that we really talked. He didn't exactly like me. Keith, were you serious about me being gone that long?"  
Keith didn't see Lotor in the police chief at all, other than his desire to kill the man  
"Yeah... It was... like losing Shiro all over again, but worse because it was you. We couldn't find you. I couldn't find you. No one had any news. I thought... I was sure you were going to be here when I got here..."  
Keith's voice cracked with emotion, he'd been so lonely without Lance. So many things from his past had come flooding back. All the homes and people he'd said goodbye to. All the times he'd been passed on like he didn't have feelings.

"I'm sorry"  
Lance's voice was low, a hand coming to rest on Keith's shoulder  
"No. I'm the one who's sorry. She had no right. I had no right. All of it makes me feel sick. I couldn't even look at her without thinking of you... I tried to ask myself what you would do, but I can't say I did good job"  
"She's your mother. She was looking out for you. I'm fucked up. Really fucked up. My head's all over the place... and I'm dirty. I'm so fucking dirty. I don't think I'll ever be clean, Keith... I don't know how you can be so close to me. I'm not a good person..."  
Something wet dripped on to Keith's hair, realising Lance was crying, he pushed himself up to sit on the side of the bed, the metal bar hard beneath him  
"Hey. No. No, you're the most important thing to me in this universe. I was so scared without you..."  
"I'm sorry. I know I handled it wrong. I know... but it hurt so fucking much... I didn't know what to do. Who to turn to. The voices in my head... it... I didn't want to fall back to the start of everything... but... I wasn't... I'm not strong like you are. I had a heat, and it hurt so much... I couldn't manage my medication. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was so mad at you for telling her. It was the one secret, Keith. One secret"  
"I know. Lance, I know. I'm so sorry"  
"I don't want to keep talking about it. Not until we're out of here... I told you we'd talk then... Now, can you move so I can get off the bed?"  
"I'm not getting off the bed. And you're not either. I know you heal fast, but those wounds still have to be tender"  
"They're alright... they're healing. You're the one I'm worried about. Those officers are a nasty pack of rabid mutts. I'm sure you didn't get off without being hurt"

Keith's ribs decided to give an uncomfortable pulse at Lance's gentle questioning. It hurt to hold his current posture, but he was trying to be strong for Lance  
"A couple of blows, they seemed more concerned with waiting for you"  
Sighing softly, Lance moved to lean against him  
"You never should have come back out here"  
"Maybe. Maybe not. I couldn't give up on you, or finding the last of the people who hurt you. All I want is for all of this to be over"  
Dropping to a whisper, Lance sniffled softly  
"Me too... I hate this place so much. I was dreaming you were in that glass tube and the damn thing wouldn't break, but when it did, you disappeared and the whole room filled with water, then I was drowning. I couldn't swim or move because something was holding me down, and when I looked down Hunk and Pidge were holding my legs"  
No wonder Lance didn't want to sleep. He wouldn't want to sleep either after a dream like that  
"Neither of us are going to end up in those tubes. Ok. We're getting out of here"  
"If you say so. Can we talk about something else? Anything that's not feelings or friend related?"  
Keith froze. His mind wondering why Lance was asking him to steer the conversation. He was terrible at conversations. And outside of work, what did he have to talk about? Almost everything cool had happened with Lance by his side.

"Relax, Mullet. It doesn't matter. Just get some rest"

Lance sounded hurt, Keith mentally kicking himself over the very long tick that had passed between them. He wanted to talk to Lance about so many things, but nothing Lance wanted to talk about while they were being recorded. Moving away from him, Lance ended up sitting on one end of the bed, freeing up space for Keith to sit on the other end. The gap between them may have only been an inch, yet to Keith, it felt like a whole fucking valley between them. Why was he so socially inept that he still couldn't find the words to spark a conversation? Even as the moment passed and they both continued sitting in silence, Keith couldn't find any words to express anything. Was this how it was going to be between them now? This horrible choking silence of his making? Quiznak. What was he supposed to do? 

, In the end, he couldn't find the words, and despite his protests, Lance's nasally snores filled the space a few vargas later. Exhausted emotionally and physically, Keith was betrayed as he was lulled to sleep by the sound of Lance and the knowledge they were back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whistles innocently. I'm sorry. I'm gaming and I'm still sick. Plus, my antihistamines have stopped working so I'm all hivey... mmm... fun times.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I'm thinking once we solve the big bad, of making a few klance after stories like small sequela sor maybe on big sequel. I'm physically incapable of writing small fics. Ideas?


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed I get to edit this one and the previous chapter later today!
> 
> Sooo, this is the last one Keith's POV and Loverboy Lance shall be next... and I think maybe the chapter after that too. 36 certainly starts from his POV.
> 
> Also... ya'll get a sequel!

Kept in darkness, the blackness felt suffocating as Keith woke. His muscles had seized from sitting up, causing pain to flare as he tried to stretch. Reaching towards Lance, he found his love no longer on the bed, his heart starting to race as he scanned the room  
"Lance?"  
Having not had anything to drink since before he arrived at the outpost, Keith's throat was dry. Trying to gather spit in his mouth did little to nothing to relieve the uncomfortable feeling  
"Lance?"  
"I'm here"

Lance was sitting by the cell door, leaning against the bars closest to the corridor as he gave a small wave  
"What are you doing?"  
"They left us food. I was tasting it before I woke you"  
"Tasting it?"  
Lance sighed at him, the Cuban gathering up the tray beside him and carrying it over to where Keith was now sitting on the edge of the bed  
"Checking for poison or drugs. It seems alright"  
"You idiot. What would you have done if it was?"  
"I don't think they're going to kill us off just yet. Besides, it's better you're in top condition"

What did that even mean? His brain was still too asleep. He hadn't meant to sleep so damn deeply, but he always slept so much better when Lance was with him. Placing the tray down by his feet, Lance lifted up a small metal cup of water, passing it over to him  
"Here. You need to drink"  
"What about you?"  
"I already had some, Mullet"  
"We're back on "Mullet"?"  
"Yeah. Now stop complaining. It's not great, but it's better than nothing"  
Taking the metal cup, Keith forced himself not down the whole thing in one large gulp, letting the water fill his mouth, there was a lingering metal taste as he held it before swallowing. The dryness in his throat barely sated, but at least the lump in his trial had been washed away. Handing the cup back, Lance placed it back on the tray, Lance gathered up the small bowl of food to pass up to him. Some kind of goopy orange mess with no fork or spoon  
"Did you try it?"  
"Yeah. It tastes like feet"  
Well that was comforting  
"How much did you eat? It looks like you haven't even touched it"  
"Don't worry, I ate. My stomach isn't feeling that great at the moment"  
"Why? Did they gut punch you too?"  
"Yeah, something like that... my mouth's still fucked up. That's why you should eat and drink. You need every bit of energy you can get"  
"You're not healing?"  
"There's a bit to heal... How do you feel?"  
Dripping his finger into the goop, Keith sniffed at it. There was no real scent to it, but it felt like puréed potato  
"Stiff, but I'm ok. How long was I out?"  
"They came by earlier. Somehow they knew I needed an injection... so long enough for the high to start waning"  
Keith hadn't heard a thing. He hadn't felt Lance climbing off the bed. He hadn't heard the guards come, or the door open so they tray could be passed over... And how the quiznak did they know Lance needed daily injections?  
"They knew?"  
"Yeah. They even knew what to use. I guess it was hopeless to think that they wouldn't..."  
"But who... how would they know?"  
"Because they're the ones who got me addicted me in the first place, or at least they're working for the same people"

Keith's gut filled with anger. What Lance was saying was stupidly logical, and he hated it. Lance was right. Klearo had been a pawn in someone else's game. There were clearly people higher than the now-dead ambassador, who'd taken far too much of an interest in Lance. Klearo could have possibly been told which drugs to feed him, and how to handle Lance's violent outbursts over how he was being handled. His love had said that he'd screamed and fought. The bowl of goop on his hold was even less appealing as he resisted the urge to hurl it across the room. He hated this. He hated sitting still  
"Lance, I need you to be completely honest with me. If we escaped right now, could you keep up?"

Taking a deep breath, Lance shook his head ever so slightly, as if ashamed over his condition  
"I... they only gave me the yellow stuff"  
"Withdrawal?"  
"Yeah. I took what I could when I left the ship, but my lips feel tingly. I'm sorry"  
Lance didn't say it out loud, but Keith could hear the mental continuation of the sentence "if only I wasn't a drug addict, then I wouldn't slow you down"  
"You don't need to apologise. They're the ones who should be apologising to you. I should have been awake when they came... maybe I could have... I don't know..."  
"Keith, you can't keep taking the blame for my life choices. So can you please eat? Even if you don't feel like it. I need you to be ok"  
"You're the one who..."  
"Don't. Don't say it. I can't deal with... any of this at the moment, and we don't know when we'll get food again. So eat"  
"There's a plan in place... We aren't the only ones out here"  
"What do you mean?"  
Keith bit his lip, wondering if he should tell Lance or not, about the Atlas  
"Keith, what do you mean?"  
Shit. Lance's voice had dropped several degrees in the few ticks that had passed  
"The Atlas is here... out here"  
"Shit. Why?! It wasn't supposed to be involved!"  
"I know..."  
"Obviously you don't! They could be walking into a trap!"  
Keith flinched at the rage directed at him. Climbing off the floor, Lance walked back over to furthermost cell wall  
"It wasn't my idea..."  
"I don't care if it was! You know what's at risk! I can't lose them! I didn't want any of you involved!"  
"Well, we are! We're your family!"  
"No! Don't play that card with me"  
"Lance... please"  
"Family doesn't fucking ignore family, like you and Shiro do. I suppose he knows all about what was done. I suppose Hunk knows I'm a fucking junkie who took it up the arse from a bunch of random strangers, like the disgusting slut I am! I bet they're all having a good laugh while trying to figure out how to get you away from me!"  
"That's not true and you know it"  
"Do I? You told your mother"  
Keith growled. It wasn't like he'd done it on purpose and Lance fucking knew that  
"I fucked up! I fucked up and I hate that I didn't tell you! But you know what, you know no one is fucking laughing at you! You know it's all in your fucking head. God. How selfish can you get?! You didn't give me a chance to explain. You ran away! You kicked my heart to the curb and you left!"  
"Because you lied to me! I gave you everything I could! I gave you... me. I gave you me... and you still couldn't trust me because I'm so fucking broken"  
Letting out a hiccuping sob, Lance clutched at the bars of their cell as he sank to his knees, head bent forward as he started to cry  
"Babe..."  
"Don't..."  
Placing down the bowl, Keith ignored his protesting body as he shuffled over to Lance, stopping just short of him  
"Lance..."  
"Don't... please don't"  
"I didn't mean to hurt you"  
"Keith, I can't... you're too close. Just go back to the bed, please. My nerves..."  
Hanging his head, Keith played with the chain of his cuffs nervously  
"I still love you. You know that, don't you?"  
"I know I can't lose you to them... but I need to you back off. You're... too much too soon... I can't think with you so close... your scent... please. Please, Keith. Let me calm down"  
"I love you"  
"Keith..."  
"I love you..."  
"Keith..."  
"I thought you were already dead. I felt like I'd lost my father all over. Like every time I passed on from one house to the next. I felt like you were dead and gone and it was all my fault. Everything came back again when you left. I don't want to be the same scared and confused boy standing at his father's grave. I've loved you for so long, but did you ever really love me?"  
"Of course I did. I do. You... you're what I want... you've always been what I want..."  
"Then why won't you let me help you?"  
"Because I don't want you to fucking die... I was prepared to not come back from this if that was what it took. And now you're here. Allura's here too. She was back when I woke up. With her and with you. Too many voices and thoughts... Too many memories of being in the dark... I don't want to beg you, but please, I'm so close to losing control... please just... stop. I love you... and now they know. They know you're my world and that I'd do anything for you... I didn't want them to know... I didn't want them to use that bond. Keith, if they kill you... I swear to god I'm going to follow, even if I have to bite my own tongue off. So don't push me further. Not until things aren't so busy"

Struck dumb by Lance's words, Keith continued standing there. One tick turned into two, then two into ten. Finally, he shuffled back to sit near the bed, choosing the floor with his back against the wall, rather than the thin piece of furniture. He never should have lost his temper again. He could smell the pain oozing off of Lance as he spoke. The guilt. The self-hatred. The sincerity of love held for him. Everything adding layer after layer of scent so complex he could only rely on his instincts to translate what it all meant. 

*  
Vargas passed slowly after their goopy breakfast before their captured came again. Laying on his side near the door to their cell, Lance was drawing circles with the tip of his finger next to him, it was the only sign that the Cuban hadn't fallen back to sleep. Whatever was going on in his head, Lance was keeping it to himself as Keith remained on the opposite side of the room still waiting for permission to move closer to him.

Hearing the opening of the hall door, the light that shone through the space behind the soldiers barely cut into the darkness. Climbing up, Keith brushed his hands off, cautiously approaching Lance who still laying near the door, his finger frozen in place as the steps came closer. With a jangle of keys, three burly guards stopped in front of the door to their cell  
"You. Come"

Unlocking the door of the cell, the closest officer grabbed Lance by the leg, dragging him towards the doorway. Lunging forward, Keith grabbed for Lance's hand  
"Let him go!"  
Bringing his wrists up, Lance freed himself of his cuffs sliding them towards Keith, before bending up. Grabbing the man's wrist with both hands, Lance sank his teeth into the man's hand, kicking as he did. Screaming at the unexpected bite, the brute hefted Lance up as he stepped out through the cell door, throwing him hard against the opposite cell as another officer grabbed Lance by the head, slamming his face into the bars  
"Cooperate or we gut your friend"

Darting forward, the cell door was slammed in Keith's face as Lance stopped struggling. His idiot too in love with him to fight knowing he might be injured  
"Good. Behave and this will all go easier for you. For both of you"  
"Give him back!"  
Turning on him, the officer who'd locked the door growled  
"One more word and we'll slit his throat"  
Opening his mouth, Keith wanted to rage. He wanted to scream and fight for Lance, wishing he'd forced Lance away from the bars sooner, or that he'd acted faster. Clenching his hands into tight fists, he was forced to look down at his feet, feeling like he was betraying Lance for not saying anything... He just... he didn't want him being hurt. 

If time had passed slowly before Lance was taken, it moved slower than a snail as Keith waited for Lance to be returned. Holding Lance's cuffs he clutched them tightly, as he sat on the edge of the bed with his head hung. He didn't know what the right move was. If he caused a scene, he could snap the thing inside the cuffs. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, and it annoyed him that Lance could have taken off his cuffs at any chance. He hadn't said anything about his busted hand, but if it was as bad as it seemed, then the release of pressure on the area would have been a relief. Instead, Lance had kept them on until the last dobosh, before sliding them over to him, entrusting Keith to do the right thing with them... but how was he supposed to do the right thing when he didn't know what was going on. Was Lance being tortured? Hurt? Was he still in one piece? It felt like an eternity since he'd been taken. When the door at the end of the hall opened again, Keith awkwardly shoved Lance's cuffs down the back of his pants, before rising and walking over to the cell door. If Lance was hurt? He wanted to be able to catch him before he fell to the floor.

Only the officers were alone. No Lance between the two of them...  
"You. Come"  
Crossing his arms, Keith tried to squash down the panic sending his heart racing  
"Where is he?"  
"Waiting"  
That didn't tell Keith much of anything, though it was the man who'd threatened Lance's safety if he'd continued to speak  
"I want to see him"  
"Behave and you will"

Unlocking the cell, both officers moved back so Keith could leave the cell. Trying to hold himself tall, it didn't amount to much as he was sandwiched between the two figures. Feeling a hand moving to close to his back, Lance's cuffs were pulled out the back of his pants. Half hoping the man to his side would set off whatever mechanism was within it, Keith was left disappointed nothing happened other than the stranger swinging them in a playful manner as they made their way out and into the blinding light of the outpost. Having been kept in the dark for what must have been a quintant at least, the shock of the light left him badly disorientated and his eyes watering. Not that the two officers with him had a shard of sympathy for him as he stumbled over his own two feet. 

Marched through the halls of the outpost, Keith grew dizzy as he tried to form a mental map of where they were going. He wasn't even sure what level of the complex they were on anymore, or that the place had more than one level. It'd looked rather flat from the air, yet he was sure there had been times when the ground had sloped beneath his feet. Led down yet another tastelessly boring hall, they came to a stop in front of a random door like there hadn't been a dozen doors looking exactly the same behind them  
"In"  
A "please" and "thank you" would have been nice. Keith had clearly spent too much time around Lance if he was mocking the guards mentally in the same tone his lover would use. Glaring at the man to his left, Keith did as told when the white door slip open silently, revealing a room bathed in blues and purple that was very clearly a laboratory, the object of his affections was seated on a long bench on the far side of the room, stripped of the clothes he'd been wearing and now in a pair of drab grey pants, and overly large drab grey shirt. Without thinking, Keith took half a step towards Lance, who still hadn't raised his head or even seemed to have noticed Keith was in the room. Grabbed by the arm, the half-Galra was dragged over to a fairly standard looking examination bed that he hadn't noticed due to Lance capturing his attention  
"Lay here. You resist, he's dead"  
Lance still didn't raise his head, and Keith was forced to take a good hard look at the bed as he was basically hauled up atop it. Feeling something wet beneath his hand, he looked down to see small spots of blood beneath his fingers as his hand was uncuffed and recuffed to the leg of the bed at an awkward angle that stabbed at his shoulders. This wasn't going to be fun at all, especially when his other hand was cuffed in the same manner  
"Half-Galra, Half-Human. Male specimen. 24 years of age. Skin: Fair. Eyes: Purple..."  
Grabbing him by the chin, Keith's lips were pushed apart. He was half tempted to bite the man like Lance had  
"Teeth: Human. Hair: Black. Scar on face. Visible. Former Black and Red Paladin of Voltron. Now located on Daibazaal permanently. Originally from Earth. Samples to be acquired: Saliva, vitreous, skin, blood, hair, muscle, and bone. Transfer authorised"

That... that definitely didn't sound good... nor did it sound fun. And transfer to where?! Craning his neck, he tried to look over his shoulder to Lance, but the angle proved impossible. With his neck craned, he jumped when something sharp pierced the skin of his nape  
"You won't feel a thing"

Not feeling a thing didn't help Keith's terror. Saliva and hair samples weren't awful. Skin, muscle and bone were taken from his wrist by a needle that would have had him running if they hadn't stealthily drugged him. Urine... was horrible to watch... a long thin needle inserted into his abdomen, before yellow liquid filled the chamber. But for him, the worst of the samples was the needle they inserted into his eye. He couldn't move his head. He couldn't free himself, instead, he was forced to watch the silvertip grew closer until a discomforting feeling filled his eye socket. As with the rest of the samples, it was uncomfortable with no pain, but that didn't mean he wasn't freaking out internally, or that he didn't want to throw up from the fear he felt. Maybe that had been why Lance was out of it? He felt as if he'd been through the wringer, without them inflicting any real form of torture. Perhaps whoever was behind this wanted them in one piece after all? And all the bullshit death threats had been empty air designed to hurt more emotionally than physically? The temptation to fight only grew stronger as the drugs in his system began to wain, his wrist slowly becoming a pulsing throb of pain that felt like fire burning under his skin. Nerve pain was something completely different from skin and muscular pain. The feeling of a million tiny needles radiating out from the source confused the mind until it felt like his arm was literally burning. Still placid from the drugs in his system, he couldn't fight when his hands were uncuffed and recuffed in front of him, before Keith was pulled off the bed and hurled up onto the shoulder of one of the officers  
"Bring the other one. They want them delivered within the varga"

*  
Limp and weak, Keith almost welcomed being dropped unceremoniously onto the bench of the seat of the craft that had been waiting for them. Rather than exiting out the front of the building, the docking bay was at the back of the outpost complex. Across from him, Lance was placed down with as just as much care, a groan spilling from his lips as he landed on his side. Keith's tongue still felt heavy, he couldn't form words or protest their treatment, or even find a way to prevent them from being moved from the outpost. When he didn't call in, Acxa would know what to do. That was the only comfort he could take when Lance looked ashen. His brilliant blue eyes were glassy, with barely a hint of their usual life. His lips were bloodied, and his left hand bandaged crudely, forcing his fingers at nearly an unbelievable angle. Pulling down thick chains from the roof of the shuttle, they were connected to their cuffs, forcing them to both hold their hands up. Left alone together, the four officers that made up their guard moved through the sliding doors to the cockpit of the ship. Keith supposed there was no need to guard them when they both drugged and chained. With a quiet whoosh, the ramp of the ship rose to close them in, Keith feeling something akin to terror all over again as the shuttle began to vibrate indicating the craft was about to launch. Opening his mouth, nothing but drool came out, yet Lance gave him a tiny nod, like he knew Keith was trying to reassure him and wasn't anywhere near as doped up as he looked.

Waiting until the shuttle was airborne, Lance dragged his body up. Gone from the right side of his head was a large chunk of hair, the patch shaven from his temple and extending back to finish just behind his lover's ear. Traces of blood were just beneath the cut, having run down Lance's neck before pooling slightly in his collarbone. Aside from that was the fact that Lance's face was heavily bruised, his Altean marks pulsing slowly. With the blue lights in the lab, it's hidden much of the bruising across the Cuban's body. Now that he could see Lance clearly under the white light of the shuttles lights, the damage to his husband made his eyes narrow in anger. Everywhere he looked there was more bruising, not all of it as bad as Lance's face, but bad enough for Keith to wonder why he hadn't told him just how pained he was  
"It's ok"

The two simple words from Lance's lips were slurred, the man even had the cheek to shoot him a slight smile as he started to pull against his cuff with his left hand  
"I've had this stuff before. Doesn't stay in the system long. Lemme see if I can get my hand free"  
There was no way in any universe that those words were comforting. Not when he knew Lance's history as he did. Biting his lip stubbornly, Lance manoeuvred the fingers of his left hand with his right hand, the sight turning Keith's stomach as Lance began to force his hand through the cuff, despite the fact it had to be tearing skin  
"Close your eyes"  
Blinking at Lance, Lance stared back. It felt like a cowards move to do what he said, but he couldn't stand to see Lance hurting himself when there was no way to stop him. Closing his eyes, the shot open when Lance let out a whimper. Somehow he'd freed his left hand, though the bloodied wrappings and the coppery tang caused Keith's stomach to roll violently, leading to him throwing up watery sick weakly at the sight. With his hand free, Lance gave him that damn smile again  
"I'm going to get you out"

Swaying as he tried to stand, Lance, followed the chain up to the roof, his bloodied fingers working at the tether between the hook mounted into the roof and the first loop of chain. Keith tried his hardest to watch, but the strain in his shoulders and the aching of his wrist had him hanging his head in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure. He almost missed the numbness now that everything was hurting. His eye was watering uncontrollably, only reaffirming to him that needles never ever belonged in eyes. Any medical profession that argued they did, deserved to be thrown into the nearest active volcano.

In the end, Keith had no idea how Lance managed to get the tether undone. One moment his husband was standing and the next Lance was landing on him, causing him to cry out in pain at the pressure suddenly against his shoulders  
"Shit... sorry. Hang on"  
When Lance tried to pull away, Keith whined at him. He could feel the heat from Lance's skin and smell the stink of sickly sweat. He could only chalk it down to Lance's crazy scent because there was no other way he could know Lance was burning up with fever. Almost falling back, Lance barely stopped himself from landing on his arse at the last possible tick, pulling himself back up to kneel in front of Keith before starting to slur again  
"I know... god. I'm going to fucking kill them for hurting you, but I need to get these off you. I can't do the lock on my cuffs, but I can do yours"

For a moment Keith was excited until he realised Lance meant the lock from the chain to the cuffs. He'd wondered why the Cuban hadn't gone for that lock, to begin with. When Lance started fiddling, he realised that it needed both hands free to get the angles right. That didn't mean it didn't take a few very long doboshes until his arms were finally freed of the torture of being pulled upright. Taking his wrist, Lance stopped them from dropping  
"The blood's going to come rushing back and it's going to hurt like a bitch. Gotta do it slowly"  
Again, Keith hated this. Lance was talking from personal and repeated experience. Keith had limited experience but knew exactly what Lance meant. Still. He wasn't the most level headed person alive, and the desire to kill the fuckwits in the cockpit caused him to growl at his husband who released him immediately, flinching back and landing on his arse with a pained gasp. As predicted, his body didn't appreciate the return to circulation as it should have, Keith nearly falling off the seat from the pain that wrapped his limbs. He was going to shoot them all for this. Repeatedly. First the toes. Then the fingers. Then the knee caps... guns were Lance's things, but he didn't have the strength to swing a sword right now. He'd be lucky if he could swing a chicken feather with how weak he felt. Closing his eyes, he tried to breathe through his nose and calming his racing pulse. Focusing on breathing rather than Lance until he finally regained enough feeling to use his fingers.

"...ance?"  
Opening his eyes, he found Lance still sitting in front of him  
"I'm ok... more cosmetic... can you get the chain off?"  
Nodding, Lance moved to place his right hand in Keith's lap. Leaning forward caused the front of Lance's shirt to drape down, giving Keith a glimpse of a nasty red burn wound across the top of Lance's shoulder, most probably from the blaster shot. Lance had to be going through physical hell, yet he was the one forcing Keith to keep going. The strength of his lover only serving to make him fall even harder for him  
"What?"  
His expression must have changed. Lance was staring up at him in earnest. Despite being a drooly, vomity mess, Keith couldn't help himself  
"... love you"  
Ducking his head, Lance slurred softly  
"I love you too..."

Freeing Lance of the chain took significantly longer for Keith than it had for Lance. The pain in his wrist making things clumsy, to the point he nearly missed it when the chain finally came free. Pulling his hand back, Lance let out a long breath as he rubbed at his left wrist  
"How bad is it?"  
Having fallen silent after his declaration of love, Keith was surprised to find his words only slightly slurred  
"Tender but functional. You?"  
"About the same. Did they..."  
"Yeah. Same samples"  
Lance's reply came slightly too fast, but that could have been because he was trying to squash down his panic, or perhaps was struggling to keep down a panic attack  
"Ok. Now what?"  
"Can you stand?"  
"Yeah... I think it's mostly out my system"  
"Your Galra side probably metabolises things faster. As for me... who would have thought being a junky would ever be a good thing"  
Despite the forced humour in Lance's tone, Keith was too... too everything to try and find the joke in it. Sliding down, he crouched in front of Lance  
"What's the plan?"  
"I've got both hands free. I'll use the chain. They won't want to risk a shot in the cockpit. You keep up against the wall, and if they flee back, I'm sure you can get them in a headlock or knock them out..."  
Keith frowned  
"You'll be going in alone..."  
"It's ok"  
"Lance..."  
"Keith, it's ok. Super healing and all that"  
"You're not healing. You're covered in bruises"  
"Keith, it's either we rush them when there's just the four of them, or we wait to be delivered to God only knows how many. If we take them out, we can get the key and get these cuffs off. Plus, they've got a blaster and you've got the best sharpshooter on your side"  
Keith's frown only deepened  
"How can you do that?"  
"Do what?"  
"Act like this is all ok?"  
Rolling his eyes at him, Lance then looked towards the door to the cockpit  
"Because between saving my stupid, foolish, hot-headed, mullet-wearing, accidental husband, and doing nothing, I'm going to always choose to do whatever I can to help you. I don't know if it's all going to be magically ok. Or if we're going to get home, but I'm not going to make it easy for them to keep hurting the one person in the world that I need by my side"  
"Oh..."  
The warmth in Keith's cheeks matched the swelling in his heart. How in quiznak's name did he get so damn lucky? Turning back to him, Lance reached a hand up, grabbing the bottom of Keith's shirt and using it to wipe at his lips and chin, before leaning in to kiss him softly  
"Yeah. "Oh...". We're getting you out of here and then I'm taking a massive fucking vacation where your mother can't find me"  
Snorting through his nose, Keith shook his head  
"She's not that bad"  
"Mhmm. That's because you can't see how busted up you look. Now, get into position"  
"You're so bossy"  
"That's because I've gotten used to shit like this. Sneaking through ships. Improvising. Dragging strange aliens along on weird adventures"  
It was Keith's turn to roll his eyes  
"I'm half-alien"  
"And yet, you don't deny you're strange. Hurry up and move, we don't know how long it'll be until we're landing. I've never been out to the satellite, and I don't know the specs for the ship"  
Reaching out with both hands, Keith fisted the fabric of Lance's shirt as hard as he could as he pulled him for another kiss. It was soft, both of them feeling to gross to deepen it, but that didn't make it any less love-filled. Parting after a few ticks, Keith finally nodded his consent at Lance's plan  
"Alright. Let's show them what happens when they mess with two ex-Paladins of Voltron"

Lance's plan didn't go off without a hitch. That would have been too easy. Instead, Keith had gotten thrown to the floor, and nearly shot in the face. Lance had let out a kind of feral scream as he wrapped the chain he was wielding around the officer who'd tried to shoot Keith, then rode him down to the floor as the man gasped and spluttered, trying to claw at the chain and buck Lance off at the same. Distracted by his anger, his idiot nearly got himself shot in the process. Tackling the officer to the ground by grabbing him by the legs, it wasn't Keith's finest moves but the whole plan had gone to quiznak once the blasts started. The blaster in the officers hold expanded between them, then fired unexpectedly, the stranger beneath him dead before either of them comprehended it. Pushed aside suddenly, Keith lurched sideways in confusion as Lance grabbed blindly for the dead man's blaster, firing into the shoulder of the man beneath him who had ceased his struggles amidst the messy skirmish. Releasing the chain he was holding in his right hand, Lance didn't seem to care as he surged up off the downed solider and back into the cockpit, two blasts ringing out before the Cuban was reappearing at the door, panting heavily  
"Ok. Come on"

Keith's mind blanked as he stared at the two bodies in front of him. Logically he knew they needed to be stopped. And heaven knew he wanted to kill them for touching Lance, but now they were dead, all he felt was... empty despair. Lance had killed again. He'd killed and he didn't seem to care. The officer beneath Keith had truly been an accident. He didn't know what he'd wanted to do, but it wasn't killing them without any kind of... legal justice or something  
"Keith, come on. I need you to pilot this thing"

With shaky legs, Keith climbed up, careful not to step on... the bodies as he entered the cockpit, somewhat confused as to why Lance couldn't pilot. Sitting on the left side of the space, the two other officers both had what seemed to be superficial flesh wounds to the leg from the blaster, though of them were also slumped with their eyes closed, so he couldn't be sure if they were alive  
"Don't... look like that. They're alive. Ok. Just knocked out. I need you to pilot this stupid thing to the coordinates while I find the key for these cuffs and bind these wounds. The one out there isn't dead either. I choked him out"  
Again Keith found himself nearly saying "oh", though for a completely different reason than last time. A horrible kind of guilt bubbled up as he realised what kind of an expression he must have been showing his lover... He'd seriously thought Lance had killed them... that he'd snapped and killed them like he'd killed the others... and now that his husband knew his thoughts, he felt like he'd betrayed the trust that Lance must have held. He would have trusted Keith to help out however he could, not to supply him with silent judgement. No. Lance had his own brain for that... Filled with shame, Keith moved to the pilot's chair as Lance turned his back on him. Yep. He'd fucked this one up.

Finding the key, Lance undid their cuffs before disappearing for a disconcerting amount of time, then reappearing and throwing himself down in the passenger chair across from the pilot chair. There were two other chairs in the space, but the brooding Cuban chose the one closest before drawing himself up into a ball with his chin resting on his knees  
"They're not going anywhere. The only one who died was the guy who's blaster went off by accident. They're cuffed up..."  
"Alright. The shuttle is set to autopilot to coordinates set on nav-system. There's another varga or so before we arrive. I don't have the code to override it"  
Keeping his cheek against his knee, Lance moved his head to face him  
"I get why you thought I killed them. I wanted to. I really did, but then I thought they'd be better hostages"  
"You want to talk about it?"  
Lance shrugged  
"I know I like should. But I don't feel anything about it right now. They hurt you and I wanted them gone... that's it. I'll probably be a mess when it hits, but I'm in shock right now. Can you get a signal out?"  
"No. I don't have my comms, so I don't have any fancy programs to get past the encryption. Did you find anything when you searched them?"  
"No. Nothing outside of uniforms and their comms. If we call out with their comms, it can be tracked and traced by whoever's employing them. It's all on the seat behind me. We've got three small knives, which I know you're going to take, and two blasters. One of them broke. Sooo. I guess we need to think about what to do. We can try calling out, but I don't know anyone's frequencies anymore. Other than my team's. But if we call out, that will tip-off whoever else is out there. If the satellite has defences, we'll be dead before we know what happened. We could try and manually override the ship by cutting the wires under the dash, buuuut, I was thinking it would be easier to swap clothes with two of the officers. Take their places. Even if it buys us a few ticks, I should be able to get a few shots in"

Keith didn't mean to gape, yet he did, somewhat embarrassed that his mind had been making the same leaps as Lance's, only not as eloquently, and not quite in the same order. When he'd figured out he couldn't override the shuttles scanner, his first thought had been to manually override it, before discounting the idea due to a lack of tools, followed by the fact they were still incredibly fucked despite being free of their cuffs. His brain was only just starting to wonder where to go next when Lance had stalked in  
"Are you sure? They're probably going to have someone waiting to collect us"  
"I don't know what to do..."  
In the time he'd been thinking, something had changed in Lance. Both hands were now gripping at his legs tightly, as he blinked repeatedly. A moment passed, followed by another, before Keith realised that Lance honestly didn't know what to do now and was asking him for help in his own way. As if giving up on him, Lance turned his face back to hide against his knees, his thin shoulders shaking visibly  
"I think you're right. We don't have a lot of options without tech or back up. Shiro is out near Erathus. I can use one of the comms to hail the Atlas. We can inform him of what's happened. Acxa and the others are waiting for my word that I've taken the outpost, but now we'll need to update the plan. If the Atlas and my team take the outpost, they can follow from there"  
"You know the comm numbers for the Atlas?"  
"Shiro forced me to memorise it in case I got into trouble while undercover. Mum would have dispatched agents too"  
"They're going to be mad at me..."

Ignoring his aching everything, Keith climbed out the pilot's chair to shuffle over to Lance's side. There wasn't a great deal of space in the cockpit, but there was enough to for him to sit between the curve of the dash and both chairs. Lowering himself carefully, he placed his hand on Lance's leg, Lance immediately jumping at the touch. Big blue eyes filled with tears appeared over his knees as he sniffled softly  
"I'm sorry. I had all these plans on how this would play out and now I'm feeling..."  
"Messed up? It's ok. I feel like shit too"  
"This is all my fucking fault. If I'd just let Klearo killed me, then none of you would have dragged into this"  
"Babe, no"  
"Yes! I ran away and you ended up here because of it. Because I get so messed up and scared that I run. I don't even know why I'm crying right now, but I do know that this on me. I should be doing something. Like playing with the wiring, but I'm forcing out next move onto you, because I'm too messed up"  
"We're a team remember"  
"Yeah, team "Lance is a fuck-up who keeps fucking up Keith's life""  
"No. We're a team "we're getting out of this alive, and going home together""  
Bringing his busted left hand up to rub at his eyes, Lance hissed as the poorly bandaged mess connected with his face  
"Do you want me to do your bandages?"  
"No. No... they broke my hand... the only thing that's going to help it now is having it set and pinned professionally. I'm healing, but there's so much to heal that it's taking forever"

Lance must have hit his wall for his husband to be so honest. Normally he was a frustrating shit that hid his pain until he nearly died from his stubbornness  
"Then let me rewrap it. It's open to infection if you leave it like that"  
"They cleaned it... because they knew how much pain it would cause... I'm so fucking done, Keith. I want to go home with you, but I don't know if I want to wake up when I do. I always believed that love, and faith, and justice, would you know, win the day. Being part of Voltron made me realise how stupid I am, the. Klearo made me realise that I was even more worthless than I knew. I was always so jealous of you and Shiro. I was always so scared to speak up about anything serious because everyone needed someone they could take their moods out on. Not to say I didn't throw some pretty impressive moods myself. You guys needed the clown and everyone decided they didn't need someone like me. I'm not on Pidge and Hunk's level... and most of it went over my head, but not all of it. Sometimes I could see it, you know. Flaws and holes in our plans. The way the fighter jets would try to move and shape the battles... but no one ever wanted to hear it. What am I even doing here? I loved my job. I loved it because it was mine. None of you knew about it. But what do I go back to? I told Shiro not to bring the Atlas out here... but now they're here, they're not going to just leave. I want the people out here to get as much aid and help as possible. But am I doing it for the right reasons? Or am I doing it to show off? So people like me? So people want someone like me around? I just don't know anymore..." 

"I think... I think you're here because of all of that. We were kids when we got launched into space and wound up in this war. For every person we saved, there was someone out there that we didn't. None of us knew how things would end, and living in that kind of environment with limited regular contact, I think it messed with all of us. I think you needed a new team, I think you wanted something more than being home alone but were scared because we all moved on. I think you felt like being a farmer didn't have the same worth as being out here. And none of us had any clue about your heats, or health, or your mental health, or..."  
"That I keep seeing my dead ex-girlfriend?"  
Keith gave a sad smile  
"That too. I wish these anxieties didn't have such a hold on you. You're so brave and so beautiful. I was so fucking scared of what I felt for you, and I regret that I waited so long to tell to. But I absolutely do not regret being with you. You know my childhood wasn't fun. I wasn't happy for most of it, and I saw some pretty messed up stuff. All of it came back again when you left. The nightmares. The fear. The anxiety. Shiro was the first to give that sense of home. For a while, I wondered if I did love him romantically, even with him being engaged to Adam, but I can honestly say that what I feel when I'm with you is nothing like what I feel like when I'm with Shiro. I miss our stupid rivalry, you know? Training and trying to one-up each other, or stupid races to see who got to their lions first. You got through to me in a way Shiro hadn't. I latched onto him because he was the first to see me for me. I thought he was all I needed. You made me see it was ok to rely on people and have friends, and the importance of friends that have your back. You were the glue that held us all together, and now I want to be the glue that holds you together until we can work all this out, because what I have when I have you... I can't live without it"

Slipping out the chair, Lance fell against him, side pressed up Keith's chest as he settled between the man's spread legs. His lover's fevered brow pressed hard against Keith's cheek as Lance held his busted hand up  
"It wasn't enough to break it..."  
"Shhh. It's ok, I'm going to take a look at it now"  
"Just don't... say it out loud. I know..."  
Confused as to what Lance meant, Keith looped his around Lance's in order to use both hands to peel off the messy bandages. How Lance had managed to use his left hand at all was baffling. Nothing in his mind had translated to what he was seeing. And nothing had prepared him to Lance to be missing most of his little finger. The medial and distal phalanges both gone, and how he knew those words he had no damn idea  
"L-..."  
"Don't... you said you wouldn't..."  
"B-..."  
"Keith... please. Please just cover it up"  
"Alright. I'm sorry. It looks pretty tender, so this is going to hurt"  
"I'm high. Or still kind of high... they drugged me so I wouldn't scream... I'm sorry..."  
Kissing Lance's hair, Keith wasn't sure what Lance was sorry for. It was those arseholes who'd done this that should have been apologising  
"It's alright, babe. I'll get this wrapped up then call through to Shiro. He should be able to get a lock on the signal"  
Lance nodded slightly  
"I didn't mean to... I mean, of all the times. They shot me up with that yellow stuff, but not all the rest. Of all the times for withdrawal and a period... I feel like bursting into tears and eating my weight in chocolate"  
"You've got you're period?"  
"Does it disgust you?"  
Starting to work on Lance's hand, Keith tried to keep his attention on him rather than the pain Lance must be feeling. His own pain was still making him stupidly clumsy  
"No, babe. I found out a few things about Altean shapeshifting. There are cases where men carried. In old texts... I don't know if it's a still thing, but if Allura knew, maybe that's why it all turned out how it is. You may be also manipulating your quintessence without knowing"  
"Mmm. She was smart... if I was manipulating my quintessence, shouldn't it have changed... or something? I don't know..."  
"It's something to think about when we get out of here. And you better decide what flavour of chocolate you want..."  
Tugging hard on the bandage to gain a little length, Lance hissed at him  
"... sorry. I'm trying, but they took their sample from my wrist"  
Lance tensed, Keith knew he'd barely kept himself from shooting up and demanding to see the damage. That didn't mean that he didn't go right into panic mode  
"Are you ok...? I should be taking care of you. You already threw up..."  
"Lance, they cut your fucking finger off. This is nothing compared to that"  
"It's better to lose a finger than to lose you..."  
"Maybe you'll grow it back...?"  
Lance huffed at him, then hissed again as Keith kept wrapping his hand  
"I'm not a lizard. And it's not a tail"  
"I know... trying to channel you. If we were reversed, you'd do the same"  
"That's beside the point. How long until you're done?"  
"I'm about halfway there..."  
"Oh... can you keep talking then, because I'm starting to meltdown again"  
"I can do that. You didn't tell me what chocolate you want"  
"White chocolate. You know the bars with the milk and the white on top. Or milk with strawberry filling"  
"Peppermint is better"  
"Peppermint is a traitor. Next, you're going to tell me orange isn't a legit flavour either?"  
"Nope"  
"How did I not know about this?!"  
"Because it's not like we really spent all the much time arguing over chocolate flavours"  
"If this is my fantasy, I can have whatever chocolate I want. And a bath. A bath would be amazing. An clean sheets. Oh man... a bath would be so good"  
"First things first, you're going into a pod. Then you're going to shower, then we're going to fall into bed and stay there for a phoeb"  
"Nope. Bath. I don't know if I have the energy to stand up that long for a show-argh! God. Leave my hand alone..."

Snatching his hand back, Lance smacked it into Keith's chest letting out a whimper as the exposed stump hit his chest. Keith was struggling hard to keep from crying as it was. As a sharpshooter, Lance needed his hands in good condition...  
"Shit, babe... Let me finish up"  
"I'll do it..."  
"The stump... the... your finger is exposed. Let me do this. I know it hurts, but I'll finish up on your finger. Then scouts honour, I won't mess further"  
"Ok... ok, but hurry up"

Strapping the remnants of Lance's little finger to his ring finger, Keith was forced to leave his middle and pointer exposed. There wasn't enough bandaging to do things properly, the lot on Lance's hand was short and ripped strips, but it was better the stump was covered so Lance didn't have to look at the sight. All of this was fucked up. If they'd taken Lance's finger, what else had they done? And why was he only getting away with a sample from his wrist? Finishing up, Lance flopped off of him to lay on the floor, curling around his busted hand as he did  
"Are you going to be ok?"  
"Yeah. Yeah... let me calm down then I'll take a look under the dash. I know you can't, you're favouring your left because of your ribs, aren't you?"  
"Not much gets past you, does it?"  
"We both know that's not true. Do they need wrapping?"  
"No, I'll be back in a few ticks"  
"I'm not going anywhere... not that there's a whole lot of anywhere to go"  
"Give me a call if anything happens?"  
"Will do"

Letting Lance get a grip of whatever was happening in his head, Keith grabbed the comms off the chair before heading into the back of the shuttle. Lance had cuffed their captors to each other, in a way that wouldn't be terribly comfortable when they woke. Keith couldn't find the effort to care. Not when they'd cut into his lover. Even if they got through all of this alive, Lance was going to always carry the scars from this mission, whether he liked it or not. Knowing he shouldn't be feeling jealous, he couldn't help the dark stain that clung to the back of his mind. No matter what happened, or how far they went from this point, the constant reminder would always be there. He hated it. He hated that Lance would never forget the people who hurt him. He hated knowing the nightmares that were sure to plague both of them. He'd tried to keep it together in front of Lance, but now tears spilled down his cheeks. His whole body ached, and like Lance, he simply wanted to go home, take a bath and sleep for phoeb. Still, none of that would happen unless they got out of here. Lance probably wouldn't be able to do anything under the dash. He wasn't mentally strong enough right now. Withdrawal was horrible enough to deal with, without everything else going on. He'd hit his limit, for the time being, a limit Keith was fast approaching too. They had a varga before they arrived wherever they did. The adrenaline coursing through their system would have waned by the time of their arrival... No. He needed his head in the game until the final moment. Shiro. He had to call Shiro. Picking up the first of the confiscated communicators, he was about to start pulling up the call options, when his attention was caught by something in the corner of his eye... Oh shit...

"Lance! Lance, get in here!"


	35. Chapter 35 : Lance

This... This wasn't possible. Sitting in the pilot's chair, trying to manually override the shuttles automatic programming, Lance's heart was pounding almost as fiercely as his head.... and the rest of his body. Keith knew about his finger, but he didn't need to know about the rest of what had happened in that room before he was brought in. There was a reason he wasn't in the same clothes he'd in, and it wasn't just due to the blood from losing his finger. The samples were taken from him of a much more intimate nature because for some reason they knew about his body's "abnormalities". They hadn't gone past probing, but it'd been enough to send him into a panic attack. When they didn't know what to do about it, they'd drugged him up and brought Keith in. Yet, all of that had been pushed aside when he'd seen the dead Altean laying on the floor of the shuttle. The man hadn't looked like that when he was cuffing the other officers together... He'd still looked buff and foreign to him, not being a Galra... but an Altean. Lance had no idea what to do. He wasn't stupid. He knew that there were good and bad people, no matter what the race was... but... he just couldn't... he had no idea what this meant. Lotor had rounded up all the old Altean's to form his new colony, and something about the dead man screamed at him that he wasn't from new Altea. He didn't understand... He really... just...

"Lance?"

And then there was Keith. Keith who was his whole world. Keith who'd they hurt and Keith who thought he'd murdered the officers on the shuttle. Not that he could blame him. He was a murderer, and he wanted to slaughter everyone who'd touched Keith, but... the look on his face. Lance had never seen something like that... at least not on Keith's face. It'd broken his heart, and nearly sent him spiralling. No. It had sent him spiralling... He was lying to Keith, or rather not telling him the truth because there was literally nothing that could change what had happened in the outpost. There was a dead Altean in the shuttle bay. Keith was hiding how badly busted up he was, and how painful his wrist must be... oh, and they were probably about to die...

"Lance?"

Nudging his foot with his, Lance winced at the contact. He'd gone from craving Keith's touch to not being able to handle anything against his skin again  
"I'm here"  
His wrapped up left hand made tinkering with wires hard. He'd already been shocked and was sure he'd lit the edge of his bandages on fire in the process   
"I couldn't hail Shiro or my mother, I did send messages. To the Atlas, and to Daibazaal. If Kolivan's there, he'll coordinate with her"

Shiro. Shiro and Krolia. Lance didn't know how he was ever going to face the pair of them again. "Shame" and "self-loathing" failed to describe what he felt about the pair. They were the most important people in Keith's life, despite what he might say. They held the most sway over Keith, and both were fiercely protective of him. And now he'd been tortured, kept prisoner, and was sporting some pretty serious damage to his wrist... What if what they'd done to him spelled the end of Keith's work for the Blades? How was he supposed to live with that? He'd been prepared not to come back from all of this... He couldn't go through with Keith to think of. He had to get him home safely and back to his family. It didn't mean Lance didn't believe Keith loved him, but things were going to get messy. No doubt Shiro would lecture him for being reckless. Krolia would be mad for endangering Keith. Veronica and Hunk had to know he'd been lying through his teeth about his job, and Acxa would probably be plotting his death despite the fact Veronica would be mad. Actually. No. They were probably plotting his death together... Going back to all of that wasn't appealing at all.

"Did you hear me?"  
"Yeah. Sorry. I was concentrating on these wires"  
Another lie. He had no idea what he was doing under there. He'd had to shoot the dash half a dozen times to create a hole big enough for him to get into the wires as it was  
"Is there anything I can do to help?"  
"No. To be honest I've never had to climb under the dash of one of these. All these wires look the same"  
They were all black. He could trace them from the controls, but then they disappeared down into the floor where he couldn't get to them  
"Come out then. We've got about half a varga until we reach our destination. You need to get changed"  
So they were going with his plan? Lance had zero confidence that they'd be accepted as officers. Both their body types were wildly off. Keith had the height, but failed on the width. Lance had neither. He also wasn't able to stand upright properly thanks to the pain from probing between his legs. Unfortunately, none of their escorts were carrying any sedatives or drugs the could be used to take the pain away. When he failed to reply to Keith, Keith grabbed by the ankle and pulled, Lance barely able to stop from kicking out in defence at the action that sent his pain ricocheting through his abused body. Everything hurt so badly he didn't know how he was still conscious. Coming out from under the dash, Keith was holding his ribs as he straightened up, reminding Lance that he couldn't show any more pain or discomfort to his boyfriend. He needed to pull on his mask and play Leandro. Leandro could do things that Lance could only dream of. Leandro could save Keith, whereas Lance would only slow him down. Maybe there was something on one of the officers he could use to hide his face. He felt naked without his bodysuit, and ashamed of the flickering marks on his cheeks. He'd copped a glimpse of them in the cold metal under the dash, the pulsing blue almost as cruel as Allura who was standing off to the corner with her arms crossed. She'd already scolded him for his behaviour, talking right over Keith as Keith tried to comfort him. He wanted her gone again. He wanted his head freed of her voicing all his horrible innermost thoughts. It wasn't fair that he had to see her, not when he was in this much pain... and not when there was a dead Altean in the back of the ship. She'd never have understood that Keith killing the man had been an accident... She would say she would, but he knew better. Biting the insides of his already chewed up cheeks, Lance was slightly proud that he managed not to moan or groan as he climbed to his feet, brushing past Keith as he headed into the back of the shuttle to prepare. They only had one shot at taking the enemy by surprise, so he had to bring his A-game. No matter what it cost him, he needed to save Keith.

 

*  
Dressed in a stolen uniform, Lance had found a black strip of cloth to cover the lower half of his face with. It didn't hide the shaven part of his head, where they'd taken some kind of sample from inside that he really didn't want to think about, but it did hide his ears and muffle his gasp of surprise. Everyone had called the "satellite" a satellite. Having never been there, and given that access was limited to those who worked at the outpost, Lance never imagined it would be as large as it was. With a main planetary body, of glowing purple, in the middle of the station, various walkways extended out to man-made rings. Despite appearing fixed to be fixed in place by said walkways, the rings also appeared to be rotating, though that wasn't possible.

"Are you seeing this?"  
Given he was right beside Keith, the question was stupid  
"Yeah... I never knew it was so big"  
"It's a hell of a lot bigger than I expected it to be"  
"That makes two of us. It's supposed to be Galran in origin, isn't it?"  
The ion cannons mounted on the four "points" visible to them, would confirm that argument  
"I think so. I don't know about the planet though"  
"I guess we're about to find out"

Cutting through the artificial lights and the darkness of space, a tractor beam was projected from the planet. The shuttle shuddering as it was caught in its beam. This was it. This was "go time"  
"We should get in the back. You've got the three blades, don't you?"  
Keith nodded  
"Yeah, and the blaster"  
Shiro hadn't replied, neither had Krolia. With all the hinky time stuff going on out in this sector of space, Lance had no idea how much time had passed for either of them. Or for his team. Daehra wasn't going to be happy  
"Good. Remember the plan?"  
"If it moves, take it down. But try to stay out of sight"  
Keith sounded like he'd repeated the words a million and one times. They hadn't been able to get to the control room of the outpost, and with how wounded they were, they were now focusing on escaping rather than capture. Though that plan might have to join the others in scrap heap because he had no clear idea how the quiznak anyone could possibly escape when the place looked like death. Maybe they should have just enjoyed the ride in the back? They wouldn't have been subjected to the crushing doom that was flooding through them right now. Lance liked to pretend Keith was feeling just as uncertain as he was, despite the fact Keith had probably done the very same thing in nearly matching circumstances before. He knew his accidental husband had issues with satellites after the Kuron thing, so knew that there was no way Keith was feeling as cool as he looked  
"Yeah. Right. Let's get ready"

 

Coming to a stop in a small hangar, the door lowered to show no one. Literally, no one. Staying where they were, all Lance could hear was a buzzing noise that had started the moment the ramp had dropped. To him, it sounded like ants scurrying around inside his brain. A busy kind of humming that set something inside of him on edge. Waiting on Keith, Keith gave a nod   
"I'll take lead"  
Leaving his blaster powered up, Lance nodded. Slipping out the shuttle, Keith scanned the area  
"It's clear"

This didn't make sense. There should have been someone there to greet the shuttle. The officers were hired goons who shared a brain cell between them. Even a teaspoon was smarter. Not unbelieving of Keith, but rather the situation, Lance raised the blaster to survey the air with the scope. There really was nothing in the docking space... nothing at all  
"Lance?"  
"No targets..."  
Something nagged at him, and it hit on his third sweep of the area  
"There are no other ships in this hangar... We're going to need to find another way out"  
Swearing softly, Keith ran his fingers through his hair, before scratching at the back of his head  
"Ok. We'll get up to those gangplanks and follow them through. Hopefully, they'll lead to a main corridor or a vent grate"  
"You have an obsession with vent grates"  
"It's all about finding what works. Can you make it up the stairs?"  
One each side of the room was a set of steps leading up to long thin gangplanks. Off-centre to the left was what looked like elevator doors. The Cuban was tempted to throw caution to the wind and go for the elevator, yet had no confidence in his own decision-making skills  
"I'll have to be fine, won't I? Let's head out"

This was nothing like when they'd drunkenly played at being secret agents on the Atlas. Lance's legs burned, and it was growing increasingly hard to draw a breath. By the time they were halfway up the steps, he was sweating so profusely that he was wondering if this was how Coran felt with a case of the "slipperies". Still, he kept his mouth shut and ignored how good Keith's arse looked as he pressed on. Leandro didn't have time to ogle his teammates.

Reaching the top of the steps, Keith immediately turned left to head back along the gangplank towards the elevator. Wiping the sweat out his eyes with his bandaged hand, it wasn't until a few ticks later that he could make out what seemed to be a door at the end of it. Trust Keith to find the answer to the question before it was even asked. This is why everyone needed Keith, and no one needed him. He was useless on his own. A failure as a team leader, and a failure of a boyfriend. Stumbling on behind Keith, he couldn't get rid of the buzzing or the voice in his head, so chalked them both down to him going through withdrawal again. He'd only taken the bare minimum with him when he'd met up with Th'al. Hiding his injections from her had been awkward, and he'd barely had enough for the trip. All of this was something that had come to mind without invitation and was now spurring on that voice again. God. Why couldn't he stop being a nasty little bitch? Right. Withdrawal. He'd brought all of this on himself.

Reaching the door, Keith tried to the handle. Both of them blinking in confusion at the blue light that bathed the corridor ahead of them. It reminded Lance of the ocean... only this blue light was coming from status pod after status pod... that looked eerily like the rows of status pods in the castle... with a sharp, almost mechanical grating noise, the pressure in his head swelled all at once, Lance stumbling hard into the closest pod as both hands went to his head. Something wasn't right. Something wasn't right with all of this... 

Grabbing Lance by the wrists, Keith pulled his hands away from hair as Lance whimpered. The sounds in his head becoming less like busy worker ants and more like a muddled conversation, he couldn't tune into. Released by Keith, he next found himself pushed up by the shoulders against the pod. His boyfriend's lips were moving, but he couldn't hear anything over the noise. Shaking his head, Keith didn't get what was happening  
"I can't hear you!"  
Lance had no idea how loud the words were, only that Keith flinched, so he was probably yelling. Starting to speak again, Lance shook his head again at the half-Galra  
"Something's wrong. We need to go"  
Releasing the pressure against Lance's shoulders, Keith stepped back to grab up the blaster and push it into his hands. Pointing along the hall, Lance nodded that he got that that was the way Keith was leading them. Moving away from the pod, some kind of guilt niggled at him over being pushed up against what was essentially someone's grave. Turning to look, he found himself eye to eye with a withered Galra. He knew he should look away, but the Galra's eyes were open and he physically couldn't break the connection. The glass between them sliding up, though Lance didn't know. His body seemingly paralysed on the spot... 

Gradually an image filled his mind, so real that it became his reality. Keith was laying in a pool of blood. The Galra missing most of his right side. His internal organs spilling out from where his hands tried to hold them in. Hacking up blood, Keith raised his head to gaze in Lance's direction, bloodied lips forming words that Lance shouldn't have even able to hear perfectly   
"You did this to me"  
Five small words that had him screaming. In front of him, a shot came out of nowhere, Keith's brains blown across the ground he was laying on. All at once, everything disappeared. Lance looking down to find blood splattered across the stolen uniform and the Galra dead at his feet.

"Lance? Lance, are you back with me?"  
Swallowing hard, Keith's words were slightly clearer, even with the ringing. Had Keith raised his voice or was this related to the now-dead Galra?  
"Yes... I..."  
His whole body trembled. He could see Keith in front of him, like the lingering image of whatever that had been had branded itself in his brain. Tilting sideways, Keith caught him before he could hit the ground   
"What happened?"  
"You died. You died right there"  
"Babe, I'm not dead. But we're going to be if we don't move"  
That... his heart was racing. He could smell blood. He couldn't... Keith.. like that... it was a very real possibility  
"Babe, breathe. I'm ok"  
Keith was starting to fade out again as the buzzing began to grow again. When his boyfriend pulled on his hand, forgetting the whole finger thing, Lance let himself be pulled along. 

This planet... wasn't a planet... this wasn't right... Pod after pod passed. The lights too painfully familiar. 

Running into Keith's back, Lance span back to face the way they'd come. If they were being attacked by an enemy in a frontal assault, Keith would have released his hand and charged. Behind them, half a dozen withered aliens stood facing them. Lance beginning to feel himself being drawn into their gazes... images of Keith starting to push into his head. Ripping his gaze away, he hit his left hand back against Keith's leg, focusing on the pain and using that to break the lulling spell  
"Don't look at them!"  
Keith didn't move behind him. Spinning back, Lance threw his right arm in front of Keith's face to break his line of sight. All at once, Keith let out a sob and fell to his knees  
"Don't look at them. They show you bad things!"  
"Lance..."

Ignoring the burning in his legs and the way he landed poorly as he dropped to kneel, Lance looped an arm around Keith's chest and pulled him up, aiming the blaster at the knee of the alien in front of them before firing  
"Lance..."  
"Keith, keep your head down, we need to move!"  
"You were... you were bleeding out... you were pregnant and bleeding out... I... you"  
"Yeah, buddy. I saw you dying... This ship, its Altean. It's not a planet at all. I can hear something in my head... like it's calling out to me"  
"Oh god... that was..."  
"Not real"  
Telling Keith firmly, Lance dragged him forward  
"I can walk"  
"Ok, but don't look them in the eye..."

Firing and striking blindly, the numbers were overwhelming, leaving them with no choice but to fall back into the first room that was unlocked. Slamming it behind them, Lance kept his back against it. It was strangely reminiscent of the outpost. People trying to kill them, and then while taking cover in the first room they could. Thankfully no one was hacked to pieces, and there weren't any blue canisters either. The space was clearly a lab, with a clear pipe running down to a stopper over a workbench, inside sat a minimal amount of blue shimmering essence. Quintessence. He didn't need to go any closer to know. Coming to his aid, Keith locked the door by shorting the control panel next to it with one the stolen blades. A control panel they both knew from the castle  
"This place is Altean?!"

Lance nodded, pushing off the door to use the momentum to reach the chair near the workbench. Sitting was a horrible idea, his muscles protesting, but he needed a moment   
"What the hell is going on here?"  
Why ask him? Lance had no idea either. This place was supposed to have been under Galra control. It was supposed to have been converted after the end of the war to an ethical containment facility. There was nothing ethical about the withered husks that were chasing them. There was nothing ethical about the tube feeding into the lab they were in. There was nothing ethical about the assault on his mind  
"Lance?"  
"Give me a tick"  
"We don't have a tick. What the quiznak is going on here?"  
"I don't fucking know! So shut up and let me fucking think!"

Snapping at Keith filled him with shame, but Keith had honestly asked for it by pushing. He didn't have any answers for him  
"This is an Altean ship! Those were Altean pods!"  
"I know!"  
"Those people..."  
"Shut up! I know!"  
"Did you know about this?! About Altean's involvement?!"  
Lance balked   
"What?"  
"Did you know about any of this?"  
"How the fuck would I know any of this?! I've never been here!"  
His head was killing him. The yelling felt as if someone was cleaving an axe into his brain. Closing his eyes, the tried to bring himself back under control, but instead the world span behind his eyelids, and he found himself throwing up in his mouth. The needed off this satellite. No. This ship  
"Alright. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't believe Coran would sanction something like this"  
Swallowing hard, Lance chose his words carefully, not able to explain the way the ship was calling out to him   
"Coran isn't behind this. I get the feeling this ship isn't... new"  
"Isn't new?"  
"I think it might be an original Altean ship"  
"Then it'd be over ten thousand years old"  
"I know. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel it. Like that Altean. He felt old. I can't explain it. You probably don't even believe it..."  
"I don't see how it could have lasted that long"

Keith had a point. Lance, however, couldn't do the brain. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he forced himself not to shake his head and send his world spinning again  
"If this is a ship, there has to be a command centre"  
Oh no...  
"Keith..."  
"If there's a command centre, we can..."  
"No"  
"Lance, we can call out for help. Hell, we might be able to fly this thing out of here"  
"No!"  
"If we don't..."  
"If we don't what?! We agreed we were getting out of here. We agreed on that. Now you want to go on a suicide mission. I'm barely standing. You're barely standing. We have aliens who were prisoners here that are out of their pods, trying to kill us both. And neither of us are in peak condition"  
"Lance, we owe it to the people who disappeared..."  
"Don't..."  
"To Kre'el. To Helo. To Guile!"  
"We can't fight like this!"  
"We just have to make it to the control room. Once we take command..."  
"Are you fucking serious?! They've probably sent their main army there!"  
"There's no one around..."  
"Which is suspicious as hell!"  
"We can't let this ship..."  
"So you care more about everyone else than you do about me?"

Keith stopped mid-fight. His eyes narrowing, knowing exactly where Lance was going with this  
"I didn't say that"  
"No, but you want to die"  
"I don't want to die"  
"This is literally a suicide mission!"  
"Not if we can get the ship running..."  
Was Keith blind? Or simply desperate  
"They have fucking ion canons out there!"  
"Then we're screwed anyway... what have we got to lose?"  
"You! I've got you to lose!"  
"And I've got you! I don't want you to die! I don't want to die! But we can't stay in here..."

The pounding on the door was only growing, as were the number of sounds in Lance's head. He couldn't do this. It was a terrible mission. They were going to die  
"I'm taking point"  
"Lance..."  
"If I have..."

With a loud bang, the door buckled inwards, the lock wouldn't be holding for much longer   
"I'm taking point and I'm going to get both of us out of here alive. You're going to get your chocolate. I'm going to make sure of it"  
Groaning at Keith, now wasn't the time to be thinking of chocolate and lazy cuddles in bed  
"Fine. But you're fucking explaining to Shiro why we didn't just escape"  
"I'm sure he'll understand... are you ready?"  
Ready to rush into their deaths because they didn't know where they were going? Sure. Why not?  
"Ok, Samurai... I'll follow your lead"

Closing the space between them, Lance was baffled at what Keith was doing until his boyfriend reached out to cup his face. His eyes staring into Lance's, like he was searching for something   
"I know you're hurting, but we're going to end this. I love you, Sharpshooter"  
"Really? You're going to declare you love me right now?"  
"If anything happens, I want you to know that"  
"Then let's make sure nothing happens. I can't let my idiot boyfriend die"  
Keith raised an eyebrow  
"Boyfriend?"  
"Husband. Boyfriend. Whatever. I'm still pissed at you, and this plan is fucking awful, but I still love you the best I can, you annoying pain in the arse"  
"I know babe. I'm going to make it up to you when we get out of here, so you better be prepared to be swept off your feet"  
Lance's brain short-circuited. A weird kind of smile on his lips that only Keith could cause. Who would have thought the emo kid who couldn't control his emotions would have ever grown into this perfect man in front of him?  
"I'll take that as yes. Don't forget to keep your head down"  
"I won't... Don't forget to stay safe"  
"I won't..."

 

*  
It was only a matter of time before the withered aliens grew too numerous. Keith taking a blow to his already tender ribs and laying the half-Galra out in front of him. Blood from some unseen wound staining his hands as he pressed against the spot. Lance wasn't fairing much better with the pressure in his head. He had no idea where they were, only that thankfully the pods had ceased opening, but they were still being herded through the ship with no idea how to reach their target. He hated having to shoot to kill, so was aiming for the legs of the aliens as much as possible. This also meant having to drag Keith along at angle that was liable to do him in at any moment. He'd barely been able to drag himself along, let alone his boyfriend.

Forced to fall back another two corridors, Lance didn't realise his mistake until his back hit the wall of the ship and he found there was nowhere to go. Every hall looked the same; a stretching expanse of blue with pods lining both sides holding their sleeping prisoners for what was supposed to be an eternity. Hiking Keith up in his arms, Keith groaned at him from having his bleeding wound disturbed. Mumbling something at him, Keith found the energy to push him against him, both of them losing their balance, only to find themselves suddenly falling backwards.

So not a wall? 

Confused and winded, Lance gasped as he tried to draw in a breath, his vision swimming as he tried not to pass out in pain. Through watery eyes, his vision swam as he was blinded by the yellow light above him. What the quiznak had happened? Before he could form any chain of intelligible thought, hands had grabbed him, pulling him to his feet. To his side, out of sight, Keith was yelling. Probably suffering the same treatment as him. Beneath them came a hum, Lance's stomach dropping for a moment before dimly realising they were in an elevator of some kind. Not a standard elevator, but some kind of service elevator. The grate and the hum were too loud for a passenger elevator, and a red light had begun to flash above him starting as the floor lowered. They should have just stayed holed up in that lab, and shot anything that came through the door. Keith wouldn't have been stabbed if they had. He promised to get him home in one piece. Not one piece and dead.

 

When the hum of the elevator servos died, the red light above pulsed twice before turning off, doors opening in front of them... but there was no shoving push out the space. The feeling of hands fading as if they'd never been there... This ship was seriously messing with him, Lance finding no one behind him, despite the fact someone had clearly pulled him up. No. Someone had pulled both of them up. Keith was leaning heavily against the elevator wall, Lance unsure if he was talking or not because of the noise in his head. Limping over to Keith, Lance pulled Keith into him. God. He was going to sleep for a fucking phoeb once they got out of here.

Pulling Keith out of the elevator, Lance stared with wide eyes at the various ships in the hangar in front of them. The space stretched far beyond what Lance could see. Ships from what would be every era lay there like they'd been forgotten. Drag-limping Keith along, Lance moved them towards the nearest ship. Thick dust covered the windows, but the ramp was down and Keith needed tending to.

It damn near killed Lance getting Keith up the ramp. Barely able to keep Keith from falling face-first to the floor as he lowered him down as gently as he could. Coughing from the dust stirred by them, Keith grabbed at his side. Despite the uniform Keith was wearing being predominantly black, there was a clear difference in shades where Keith had been stabbed. Kneeling down beside his boyfriend, Lance pushed his shirt up. Whimpering at the sight of Keith's bruised and busted chest. The handle of one of the knives they'd taken has splintered and stabbed into Keith's side. Mumbling softly, Keith was more out of it than with it, but as his lips mumbled "Lance", Lance felt a surge of affection for him that nearly had him in tears. Keith needed to come first. No matter what the cost. They'd gotten enough answers. This ship was Altean. There were bad Altean's out there. Their motives unknown but couldn't matter less when Keith was laying there bleeding beneath him.

Using one of the two knives Keith still had, Lance cut the cloth he'd been using as a mask nearly in two, he needed the extra length to fit around Keith's chest, but if he'd cut it all the way he would have had to knot it and lose precious centimetres from the length. Cutting, then ripping, he ruined the shirt he was wearing as he turned it into a pad to place against the wound sight, before having to fight off a cranky Keith to get the black around him and secured into place, feeling guilty about how tightly the fabric was cutting into his love's soft light skin. With his own bandaged hand, it took nearly a varga to complete what would normally be a simple task. The dressing was rough and crude, but it'd do its job and that was all Lance could ask for. Repositioning Keith on his side, Lance forced himself back down the ramp as he looked for a way out of the hangar. They couldn't shoot their way out, then fly to freedom. The ion cannons would blow them up within ticks. He also couldn't carry Keith any further with him. If they tried to hole up and wait for safety, his brain was likely to turn to goop and pour from his nose with the pressure within his skull. Swearing softly, Lance turned back to the ship where Keith was. If he could just... make sure Keith would be rescued... Fuck... There was too much to do and no time to do it. He needed to head back up the ramp... and he needed his blaster back.

 

Returning to the inside of the ship, Lance undid the communicator from Keith's wrist, hoping it was the one he'd called Shiro from. The signal would give them away, but what choice did he have but to hope that someone would hear his pleas for help. Thumbing his way through the devices menus, he pulled up the call logs, the last number had to be Shiro through logical deduction. He didn't want to see Shiro, let alone hear his voice, but Keith needed him. Hitting call on the device, nothing happened. Hitting call over and over, nothing happened. The signal must have been blocked by ship because the device seemed to be in functioning condition. Nearly screaming, he forced himself not to throw it. Placing it down with Keith, Lance dropped back against the bare wall of the ship's loading area. He couldn't call for help... Keith was going to die and he couldn't do anything fucking right. 

Covering his face with his hands, sobs erupted from the Cuban suddenly and violently. Keith was his whole fucking world. He'd pushed himself to the absolute limit and now he wasn't even able to move. They were going to die on this godforsaken ship where no one knew where they were. His parents were going to get the news that he and Keith were missing all over again. He'd ruined their lives over and over. He'd scared his cousins, Nadia and Sylvia. Screamed himself stupid every night and woken the whole damn house up. He jumped at every touch and didn't feel like he belonged at home anymore... but he didn't want to just die and leave his mother like that. He didn't want to die and leave Shiro knowing he was right, that Lance was completely useless and worthless like Kuron had said over and over. But his body wasn't healing like it did. Everything hurt so damn much. Even being stupid while leading the team, he hadn't taken damage like this. Even crashing back into Keith's life literally, hadn't hurt like this. What hurt worst out of everything was that none of this would have happened if he hadn't run away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun-Dun-Dun...
> 
> I've been thinking a lot about that episode where the Altean ship was stuck between realities... and if we can have good and bad Galra, why can't we have the same for other races...


	36. Chapter 36: Both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy quiznak... I've actually written more chapters for this than I thought I had. I just did the count on my phone and its at 41. I'm thinking it'll end up being about about 45...
> 
> Coming soon, we'll also get two tiny points of view from Shiro. The space dad who's beyond worried for our idiots.

Let it never be said that a good cry didn't help things. In the time he'd been crying, they probably could have reached the control room like Keith had wanted, but it was all ok because Lance felt a hundred times more focused now that it was out of his system. The Cuban naturally felt quiznakking awful on the physical side, but on the emotional side of things, it was all looking up... not that they could get worse... He was nearly ready to call everything quits due to the buzzing in his head. No one would blame him. He was barely alive as it was, and was certain one wasn't supposed to be walking, let alone running, around after taking a needle to the eye. Not exactly calm, but somewhat collected, Lance extracted himself from against the ship wall. Keith wanted to find the bridge, so that's what they were going to do.

Tying Keith's hands together, Keith was still out of it. Looping his arms over his shoulder, he nearly choked himself when Keith slipped down his back and his tied hands came up to his neck. "Wearing" Keith like a cloak wasn't going to work, so it progressed into a sloppy piggyback  
"Right Mullet, you owe me so much chocolate that I'm going to fat. Then you'll be forced to love me when I'm fat... Yeah, how do you like that one?" No words. I don't have any either... you better pay up..."

"What am I paying up on?"  
Lance nearly screamed as Keith's voice came by his ear. Couldn't a man talk to himself, without the man he was talking about replying  
"Couldn't you have woken up earlier?"  
"Mhmm, how long was I out?"  
"I don't know..."  
"You smell funny"  
"It's called sweat, Samurai..."  
Lance was having a hard enough time keeping his feet under him, he didn't need Keith sniffing at him when he was carrying his busted arse back to the elevator  
"Did you... have a panic attack? And why am I on your back?"  
"No. Not an attack..."  
It wasn't an attack so much as crying his eyes out in a moment of weakness. So saying "no" wasn't actually a lie  
"... and you're on my back because you got yourself stabbed"  
"Oh. I was wondering why my side hurt"  
"Yeah. Just keep still, I'm heading back to the elevator. I found some ships, but we can't fly our way out, and I can't get a signal on the comms either"  
"Other ships?"  
"Looks like years worth of ships. None of the look sturdy enough to take a blast from an ion cannon though"  
Trying to move his hands, Keith grunted in pain. It wasn't that Lance had forgotten about Keith's wrist, he'd simply thought Keith wouldn't wake so soon  
"Why am I tied up?"  
"So I could carry you without dropping you. I don't know why the elevator went downwards, but if you want to find the bridge, we probably need to go back up"  
Keith nodded, Lance, feeling his lips against the curve of his neck as his boyfriend replied. The Cuban's knees nearly giving out at the intimacy of the touch  
"I guess that makes sense"  
"I'm soooo glad you approve"  
"Did you just sass me?"  
"Maybe. I was just saying you owe me my weight in chocolate, and how I was going to get super fat after this and it was going to be all your fault"  
"I can support that. As long as your safe and happy"  
"Don't get too sappy on me, Mullet"  
Nuzzling into his neck, Keith let out a sigh  
"Can't help it. I missed your scent..."  
"Alright, Romeo. Stop sniffing me. I'll let you down when we get into the elevator. I don't know where we'll come out"  
"It's ok. I only feel like I've been hit by a pod, not a battlecruiser"  
The luck of some. Lance felt like he'd used as a personal landing pad for the Atlas, repeatedly... Kind of like a jumping castle for intergalactic ships  
"Well if that's all then that's ok then"  
"How about you?"  
"You know, still moving. Can't complain"  
"You could... I'd listen. I always listened to you"  
There was no point rehashing old wounds over what happened on the castle, or after, so Lance didn't reply. Leaving Keith's words hanging as he carried him over to the elevator and hit the button with his bandaged hand.

Keith was unfairly together as Lance stooped to stand him up. With cracking knees, he struggled to stand up straight again. Out of all the miracles of the universe, he would have thought that someone out there would thought of designing humans with better knees. Nudging 22 his knees shouldn't hurt so damn much, especially not with all the time he'd been forced to spend in pods thanks to his time as a Paladin. Allowing him a few ticks to gain his bearings, Keith then held his hands out to be untied, before stopping down to retrieve the blaster off the elevator floor and passing it over  
"You said the bridge should be upwards?"  
Blinking at Keith, it took Lance another few ticks for the pain to ease off enough to reply. He'd almost literally kill for a glass of water right about now  
"Yeah... I mean, logically that would make sense right? The ship has to be the right way up or the elevators would be off, meaning it's longer horizontally than vertically"  
Half turning, Keith hit the bottom of the wall for up, waiting until the doors slid closed before moving to lean against the elevator walls  
"That makes sense. Actually, that's about all that makes sense. We haven't seen a uniformed officer or guard since we got here. We were chased by those things and still, no one appeared. It's like they don't care we're running around"  
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Lance nodded as he started to massage the point  
"I think they don't care because they know we can't escape. Not with the ion cannons and not without the programming to get us out and past the magnetic waves. Plus we can't call out. They're probably waiting until all our energy is gone, before dragging us off to be experimented on"  
"Is that why you didn't leave the ship?"  
"That and I couldn't leave you behind. I thought about it, but without the comms, we took being online, no one can track us... and you were unconscious. If I'd left you, then something had happened, I never would have been able to live with myself"  
"Ok... ok. So between us, we have two knives, and a blaster?"  
"Yeah..."  
"And you, can you make a shot like this? You look..."  
"I look hot? Good, because I am. They really need to invest in some cooling in this place"  
"Lance, it is cold. You're probably burning up"  
"I wouldn't put it past me, but don't worry, I can make the shot"  
"We can rest..."  
"No. I'm fine"  
He was only going to get worse. They both knew it  
"There's no shame in needing a break"  
"I'm not a fucking burden. I'm not going to have you acting like I am. I can make the shot if the time comes, and I will. Then we're getting as far away from this ship as quiznakking possible!"

Guilty and hurt flicked across Keith's features, Lance closing his eyes so he didn't have to see. If he looked so terrible in Keith's eyes, why didn't Keith have to keep pushing the subject? He wasn't dead yet. He was doing what Keith wanted... despite not being able to find another way out of this, and being forced to make a choice he was certain was wrong. His body had already started giving up, but he was still standing and that was the main thing. Carrying on about it wouldn't change a damn thing.

*  
Lance wasn't doing well. Keith wasn't doing that great, still, he was doing better than Lance was. The Cuban was clearly not ok. Somehow he'd managed to get more blood on him, and managed to nearly rival his own pale complexion. Each breath that fell from Lance's lips was more like a whimper, and when the elevator doors opened, Lance nearly fell as he wobbled out the space, smacking into the corridor directly to their right. Not wanting to pick a fight, Keith kept close to Lance as Lance supported himself with the ship wall, on a level they hadn't been on yet. There was a distinct lack of aliens and scorch marks, to tell him as much. 

Forced to take it slow, by both Lance and the stab wound on his side, it was painfully slow. Lance could only stubbornly shuffle, leaving Keith confused as to why he hadn't taken his chance to escape to higher or safer ground while he'd still had the energy, even if it meant leaving it behind. It was a stupid thing to wonder. Lance would never leave his side, as Keith would never leave his if their roles were reversed. Something about this ship was majorly fucking with his boyfriend, and causing Lance's marks to glow brightly, not that Lance seemed to know. Those stupid marks would only serve to cause Lance more distress if he did know, so Keith was keeping his mouth shut. The fact they were on an Altean ship, with Altean's trying to kill them, had nothing to do with why he was biting his tongue... No, not at all.

Following the corridor along the wall for as long as it ran, they reached a T-junction. When Lance fell around the corner in search of the wall he'd been using for support, Keith opted to follow that way. They had no idea where they were, so it was 50 per cent shot at getting it right either way. At the end of the corridor in front of them was a space that opened up into glass. The sky a shocking black against all the blue, and the pink tendrils across the glass. Maybe the pink stuff they'd thought was planet was actually a plant? Stranger things had happened, and if he'd learned one thing from being out here it was that space could always surprise you. Watching Lance from the corner of his eye, he longed to step in. Each step ripping his heart out in sympathy of the agony he must be in, then slamming back in with the pride he felt over Lance continuing to put one step in front of the other. There was probably an easier way they could have gone about all of this, namely letting themselves be taken to whatever was waiting and escaping from there, but they'd picked this path to walk and could only keep going now.

Still. There was being strong and being stupid, and Keith was starting to think they'd been very stupid. Lance was right. They hadn't seen a single officer since arriving here. No one had been waiting. No one had come after them. No one had tried to stop them. Someone had been in the elevator with them, but then they'd disappeared... or had it been Lance who pulled him up? He honestly couldn't remember. His impromptu nap had helped instead of leaving him even more exhausted like it would a normal person. Whatever it was that kept him upright, he was currently grateful for it as they reached the glass windows. 

He'd been right about the pink stuff being plant-like. Close up to it he could see the tiny specks of pink spores floating around the reaching vines that held firmly to the window. It was spooky enough to raise that kind of instinctive fear of "do not touch" without ever hearing the warning. On the opposite side of the remaining glass corridor was a set of double doors made of the same kind of grey metal that the castle walls and doors had been made of. Beside them was a palm panel, which once again was like what had been in the castle. Leaning heavily against the wall, Lance had the tip of his tongue against his bottom lip as he stared ahead  
"What are you thinking?"  
"That if that's not the door, I'm going to throw myself out of the nearest airlock"  
Even as a joke, that wasn't funny. Lance so badly needed to be in a pod. Dimly Keith wondered if the pods aboard would heal the Cuban, but with the withered aliens after them, it was likely that they'd only make them worse. The pods. The drained quintessence and those really fucked up visions... it all had to be connected. They failed to elicit the same responses as the visions he'd had on the space whale, so he didn't think they shots of potential futures... which was comforting. The image of a heavily pregnant Lance lying on blood slicked bed was not one that he enjoyed... or ever wanted to experience  
"Do you need a tick?"  
"No. Let's go. My head is killing me. I can barely hear you over this buzzing"  
Whatever Lance was hearing, he was the only one. Raising his voice would normally be stupid, but he couldn't help but feel Lance was right. That whoever was in control was waiting for them to come to them  
"Ok, babe. I'll take point"  
Nodding his understanding, Keith cut across the hall to stand by the palm reader, confused when the door opened without him scanning his palm in a move that would only have been going through the motions before having to break the device due to neither of them having clearance. Waiting for Lance, they both entered only a fraction of a tick apart.

Laying before them was the control room. The space filled with holoscreens. On the left side was vision from a dozen different security cameras in real-time, while on the right was footage of the pair of them moving through the ship. On the central holoscreens was the ship's current data readings, steaming screens of Altean texts, and various other things Keith didn't know or understand. Standing in front of the control console, much like the one Coran used to man, two Galra-esque aliens had a third and fourth kneeling between them. Blasters aimed at both their heads  
"Kre'el!"

Crying his friend's name, Lance stumbled forwards. Grabbing him by the waist, Keith was quick to pull him back. Something was... hinky. The half-Galra couldn't put his finger on what it was, but something was wrong  
"Keith?"  
"They have the advantage"  
What was he supposed to say, when he didn't even understand what his brain was trying to tell him? Arming his blaster, Lance raised it at the figure who had Kre'el kneeling beside him  
"Let them go!"  
"Lower your weapon, former Paladin"  
"No. You let them go"  
"You are in no position to make demands"  
"If you know who I am, you know I'm the best sniper in the universe. You'll be dead before you can even squeeze the trigger. Kre'el, are you ok?"  
"Shoot them, Lance! Shoot them! Please! They work for Klearo"

"Klearo" drew a growl from Lance, his stance shifting slightly as his eyes narrowed. Narrowing his own eyes, Keith took a hard look at the pair of prisoners. He didn't know the male, neither did Lance by his lack of reaction or care over him  
"Lance, don't let them provoke you..."  
"They have Kre. I have to help her"  
That was it. Kre'el had been gone for phoebs, so why was she bruise-free? Why was she wearing okayish clothes? Why didn't she look as scared as her tone sounded?  
"Lance, please! You know what they're like!"  
Switching the blaster into its second form, light gathered at the tip of the weapon. Placing his hand on Lance's arm, Keith shook his head  
"Something's wrong here"  
Lance turned his face so he could watch Kre'el out the corner of his eye, while glaring right at him  
"They have her. She was my first friend out here!"  
"And look at her! She's spotless. She's not even hurt..."  
"This place is filled with pods! Are you trying to say she's one of them"  
Grinding his back teeth together, Keith wanted to be sensitive, he really did... but it was better to be overly cautious and be forced to apologise later  
"The pods on the ship are fucked up! You saw them, those aliens with their quintessence drained, shouldn't she be drained too!? Please, I know you're smarter than this..."  
"Kre'el is my friend"  
"She's not hurt, her hair isn't even messed up... she's not bruised... and they haven't spoken. Only she's spoken"

"Lance, please! Don't listen to him. Help me! I wanted to make a difference but they got me! You know me!"

Keith could see the gears moving in Lance's mind. His hold on the blaster becoming shaky  
"Where have you been this whole time?"  
Lance might be looking at Keith, but the question was clearly for Kre'el  
"Here! They put me in a pod... please, Lance... I was there for you. After Klearo put you in the hospital. After you went after him..."  
"How did you find Klearo?"  
"What...?"  
"How did you find him?! How did you know where he was? He wasn't on the princess's home planet"  
"I was a police officer..."  
"And the man with you? Who is he? I don't know him..."  
"You don't recognise him?"  
"Should I?!"  
"He worked for Klearo! He was one of the men who attacked you! I don't know how we got here. I woke up coming out of a pod, and we were both moved up here!"

Shaking his head, Lance moved the blaster as he staggered slightly. Catching Lance with his right hand, he kept it on the small of his back as the Cuban continued to shake his head. His breathing starting to grow ragged  
"No! No. This isn't right! Kre'el called me "Leandro". She knew. She knew I didn't want to be Lance. You're trying to trick me!"  
"Lance, please! I'm Kre'el! I'm me! You stayed at my uncle's hotel"  
Uncle? Wasn't it supposed to belong to the hotel of a friend of her family?  
"You're not her!"  
Screaming the denial, blood began to flow from Lance's nose. His lover was shaking so hard that the blaster reverted down to its first level  
"Kre'el didn't talk like that! She never would have talked about Klearo did in front of everyone! Who are you?!"

The alien beside Kre'el twitched, Keith, acting on his screaming instincts as he threw himself and Lance down to the floor, a blaster shot flying past them. Firing the blaster, despite the awkward angle, Lance hit the alien man in the shoulder who cried out in pain, as Kre'el and the other "prisoner" both pulled out their own blasters. Manhandling Lance, Keith pulled him back from the two firing aliens, and to the safety of behind a lesser panel and chair. Sitting Lance up, Lance was shaking like crazy  
"Lance?"  
"She... it's a lie. It's a lie, isn't it?"  
"Babe..."  
"That's not her. Kre'el was a good person!"  
Taking a blast, the chair span away from the console, Lance flinching away as if clattered to the floor  
"I don't know, and we're not going to know unless we stop them"  
"She... she was there... after they raped me..."  
"Lance..."  
"She was good to me... she helped me get myself back together"  
"Lance..."  
"It was all a fucking lie, wasn't it"  
Keith didn't want to tell Lance to "shut up", but they were kind of being shot at  
"Babe. You need to calm down"  
"I'm so fucking stupid"  
"You're not stupid..."  
They didn't have time for this... Grabbing the blaster, Keith fired blindly over the console, unable to see a damn thing while barely avoiding being shot  
"Lance, I need my sharpshooter. If you want answers, we need to stop these aliens!"  
Ducking down again, Lance blinked at him sadly  
"You need me?"  
"Of course I do. We don't stand a chance without you"  
Sniffling, Lance's bottom lip quivered as he valiantly tried to pull himself together  
"You're... you're right... pass me the blaster"  
Handing it over, Keith shot Lance the best reassuring smile he could, before darting around the side of his love so Lance could move to the edge of the console.

Firing back, there were two yells, before the doors opened and six officers came flooding in  
"Drop the blaster or we'll kill Keith"  
Kre'el's voice seemed to echo in the space. Staring up at the officers, they were all part-Galran as well, and all of them had their weapons trained on them. Looking to Keith, Keith nodded. He still had the two stolen blades. If he could get close enough, he could do something about... some of them. Placing the blaster on the floor, Lance slid it towards the centre of the room before raising his hands in surrender, Keith echoing his movements. Weapons free, they were pulled away from the console, dragged out to the open where Kre'el was standing next to a man that Keith vaguely recognised from somewhere. He never would have known the name if Lance hadn't mumbled "Lasandi". Fuck... "Lasandi" was supposed to be the name of the bounty hunter who'd left Lance's ship...  
"Leandro"  
"You.. you're both?"  
Before them, both aliens shapeshifter... into Altean's. Instead of the light skin like Allura's soft golden brown or Coran's creamy white, their skin was a light maroon with white marks not completely unlike Haggar's. Leaning in, Lasandi whispered something to Kre'el, who turned her back on the pair of them in order to man the main console  
"The pair of you have caused quite a bit of trouble for us. You Voltron Paladins and your ridiculous sense of entitlement"  
With his head hung, Lance's hands curled to grip at the floor despite there not being anything there to grab  
"Lasandi, why?"  
"It was nothing personal"  
"Nothing person?! I let you onto my ship! Onto my team! Why would you do this?!"  
"Because you were who needed, where we needed. You've caused a lot of trouble for us. Calling the Atlas and the Blade's into the area. No worries, we shall soon crush them"

What now? They were probably thousands of miles away... Beneath them, the ship came to life as Kre'el continued to work  
"Me?! You did this to yourself! You're to blame for all the disappearances, aren't you? For all the people who were cut up! We were supposed to be helping people! We were helping people!"  
"What did they ever do to deserve help?! Tell me that, Lance?!"  
Lance spluttered  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"It means Voltron turned their back on them! Alfor turned his back..."  
Sighing, Kre'el interrupted Lasandi  
"You're talking too much. Restrain the black-haired one. Remember, we need Leandro alive"

Two of the officers behind them moved at Kre'el's orders, cuffs were tightly affixed around both their wrists, the metal biting into the flesh. Keith was still in a state of shocked silence as his mind tried to place everything together, whereas having the truth thrust in his face led to Lance continuing to try and plead his way into answers. His boyfriend was so close, but he couldn't reach out to offer him any form of comfort  
"We were friends. I know we were friends. I know you took pride in the work we did. I know we had fun together. Why are you doing this? You're not like Klearo. Or his men"  
Kre'el began to laugh, the sound sending goosebumps across Keith's flesh  
"Don't you get it? Don't you understand how I knew where Klearo was? He was working for me. He was working for me all along, and he didn't even know. He was always supposed to take the fall, but you didn't leave well enough alone after he died, and he went off script by raping you, he was never supposed to take it that far. He was supposed to observe you. He was supposed to gain your trust and lead you to us willingly. Instead, he grew greedy. He wanted the Red Lion to sure his own power, the naive fool most likely planned to double-cross us once he had it. Only, you couldn't call it back. You, who was supposed to be a human male, without the hint of Altean in you. Yet, you wear the marks of an Altean. You were gifted part of that traitorous King's daughters powers. You're the key to solving our problem, but I will take my time killing Keith right in front of you, if you don't shut up. You're always talking. There have been so many times I wanted to shake you until you shut up"

Lance whimpered softly. Keith couldn't imagine the betrayal his boyfriend felt. Lance had mourned Kre'el. He'd blamed himself for her death. Out of everyone in the police side of things, Kre'el had been his most trusted friend and confidant, yet she'd literally just admitted to being the one who ruined Lance's life. To being the one who broke his soft and sweet boyfriend, and ruined any and all self-confidence Lance might have had. Keith knew how much his work meant to him. Anyone who was blind could see it as plain as day. He loved his team, and helping the smaller planets out here where aid was scarce... The half-Galran's blood boiled with rage. Lance was his world, and now Kre'el wanted to ruin everything. He wasn't having it. No way was he letting that bitch ruin all the progress Lance had made. Hanging his head, Lance worried his bottom lip. The smell coming from Lance was something entirely different from pain, or pained hues Keith had learned so far. It made him sick to his stomach, riling up nausea so severe he had to struggle from throwing up the bile burning his throat. All Keith wanted was to wrap his arms around Lance's waist and steal him away from all the danger surrounding them.

Keeping their thoughts to themselves, the room was all but silent of movement as Kre'el continued to do as she pleased. Around them, the ship groaned and creaked as if protesting moving from its long resting place. Lasandi wasn't pleased, the Altean turning away from where he'd been glaring down at the pair of them to whisper-yell at Kre'el  
"This wasn't the plan"  
"They called out for help. Their forces will be here before long"  
"Then we do what we always do"  
"They're former Paladins of Voltron, and members of that damn Blade of Marmora. I don't know about you, but I cannot take any further damage. Our only choice is to move to a more secure location"  
"None of this would have happened if you'd apprehended him sooner"  
"And need I remind you that we have only made it this far because of me. We have him now. You saw how splendidly he preformed. Even damaged, his reflexes were remarkable. And now we have his lover, he will comply to our orders"  
"All of this will be for naught if the ship doesn't hold"  
"It will hold! Like it has since we awoke! Now hold your tongue"

Since they woke? And they couldn't take any more damage? What the quiznak was going on here? Lance seemed to have the same thought as his gaze flicked Keith's way. The drawing of the bridge of his nose and the pursing of his lips a silent question. How was Keith suppose to know what was going on? Giving him the tiniest shake of his head, Lance dropped his gaze back to the floor, his shoulders hunching forward as he did.

Opening a wormhole outside of the ship, the encompassing "satellite" ring torn and exploding outwards from the shimmering blue expanse. Above them, the lights flickered, the ship struggling for power after sitting for so long. Rocked and thrown sideways, Keith's temple hit Lance's boot, the pair of them pulled up roughly, but now shoulder to shoulder as the ship slowly moved forwards. Dropping his head on his shoulder, Lance sighed softly. Leaning down, Keith let himself drink in Lance's warmth. Unlike Lasandi, he knew how to whisper  
"We're going to get out of this"  
"We are?"  
"Yeah... I don't know how yet, but Lasandi and Kre'el don't see eye to eye"  
"I'm so sorry..."  
"Don't. I get it. I promise you I get it"  
"I feel like an idiot"  
Lance was forever seeing the best in people. A trait Keith was somewhat frustrated with, yet wouldn't change for all the GAC in the universe  
"Maybe, but you're my idiot. A ship this big won't go unnoticed"  
"The ships in that lower hold say otherwise"  
"If we can get back down..."  
"That won't work. There's no signal, remember. Even without the ion canons, it's an Altean ship"  
"This ship sounds like it's barely holding together"  
"So we're about to blow up. Great"

"What are you doing allowing them to speak?! Bring Le- Bring Lance to my side. I may have need of his quintessence"  
Grabbing Lance from behind, he was pulled to his feet, barely able to throw a whisper as he was.

"Be ready"

It sounded more like a threat than a warning. Letting himself fall on to his wounded side, Keith was disregarded as Lance was walked over to Kre'el's side. Bringing his legs up slowly, he forced out a groan of pain to sell that he was curling around his wound, and not repositioning himself to bring his cuffed hands down and over his feet. The groan wasn't entirely faked, between being stabbed and having that sample taken, he couldn't lie and say it didn't hurt. Lance had said to "be ready". What did that even mean? Did Lance have a plan? If he had a plan, why hadn't he given him some kind of signal, not a vague whisper? And what did Kre'el think was going to happen by having Lance at her side. He had no Altean powers... maybe small, tiny, powers like accidental electrocution and the whole pregnancy thing, but Keith highly doubted that resulted in the same kind of power like Allura had held... Plus, Kre'el wasn't even using a Teleduv to open wormholes... so what did she need Lance for? Lance looked far from pleased as he stood a good step away from Kre'el side. His lover's form tense, as if he wanted to bolt. Keith wouldn't be surprised if he did. Heavens knew he was entitled to it.

As the ship breached the wormhole, Lance struck. Throwing his whole weight against Kre'el and knocking her away from the controls of the ship, the Cuban falling hard with her, grabbing her around the leg as she rushed to climb up. Around them the wormhole started to lose integrity, Kre'el kicking Lance out the way with a scream, despite the fact that the wormhole should have connected to predetermined coordinates, but if the ship didn't have the power to make the jump... then this was what happened...  
"Get them both out of here!"  
Yelling the words Lasandi waved an arm, the damage had been done. Coming out of the wormhole, the ship pitched sideways, throwing them all off balance and sliding across the bridge. It's ancient hull unable to take the force as Kre'el battled to hold on and fight to right the ship, groaning and screaming like a wounded beast before tilting further. Rolling across the space, Keith was unable to stop himself from hitting the console he and Lance had hidden behind, Lance too far away for him to reach as he laid limp and unmoving. 

As everyone else busied themselves trying to bring the giant ship under control, Keith let his grip on the console go, using the traction of his boots and both hands to slow his descent down to the floor... which didn't go exactly to plan as he slipped, lost control and tumbled down to smack headfirst into the bridge's sidewall. Disorientated, but not undetermined, Keith was sure there wasn't supposed to be too of everything as he dragged himself forward towards Lance.

"Kre'el!"

Jerking his head up at Lasandi's scream, Keith watched as the space beyond the ship's window turned red, burning brightly as they entered the atmosphere of an unknown planet. They were going to crash. Lance couldn't possibly have known that throwing them out the wormhole would cause Kre'el to lose control, yet now Keith was wishing his boyfriend had done nothing as he tried to double his efforts to reach Lance. All that was between them was a few very long metres... The former Black Paladin's side burning in protest as he crawled. The only had ticks. Ticks and the world would be thrown into chaos again... He was so quiznakking close... he just had too...

Keith's reaching hand never met Lance's leg. His body thrown upward in the impact. Unconscious before he was able to process what happened.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more POV from space dad.
> 
> I got hit on the head by a piece of falling wood, so you all get an update

Coming too coughing violently, Lance was dazed and confused. Blood ran from some unknown head wound, a sea of smoke had his eyes watering as he gathered himself to his feet. He'd known he was playing with fire by throwing himself at Kre'el, he knew he and he did it anyway. Kre'el had betrayed him. Kre'el had lied to him. She'd used him and she'd hurt Keith. Lasandi wasn't even a bounty hunter and he'd dared to look down on Keith like his existence was insignificant. Just like with Nyma and Rolo, he'd been fucking played... but unlike Nyma and Rolo, hundreds of innocent people had been caught up in Kre'el's twisted games. He didn't know what she had planned, or why she'd acted as she did. He only knew that he hated her... and didn't at the same time. His anger had fast turned to hurt, then to uncertainty, before looping back to soul-consuming anger. No one hurt Keith. No one got to fuck with the lives of his friends. Even one of the people he considered his closest allies as he worked to make this region of space a better and safer place. So much had happened, his mind was exhausted, and with his ringing ears, he hadn't realised the droning in his ears had come to an end. Stumbling across the uneven crash sight, he clutched his right shoulder with his left hand. The cloth torn beneath his blood bandaged hand. Every step felt as if someone was knifing his hips, but he couldn't see Keith and he needed to find Keith... That was the only clear thought he had. Keith's name. Not his face. Not his smile or ridiculous mullet. No, his mind was too out of it for that. Simply Keith's and the longing to find him.

Picking his way through the debris, Lance tried screaming out for his boyfriend. Unable to hear his own voice, the hold on his shoulder was accompanied by him looping his right arm around his waist. He'd never told Keith how deeply his own fear of abandonment ran... not after he'd accidentally been abandoned by the others during a Kuron incident in the training room. Kuron had knocked him unconscious, yet when he'd woken up, he'd been the only one there. Pidge and Hunk had thought he'd been joking... but with how everything had been, their laughter cut to the bone. It was one thing to be a burden in the background, and quite another to be a burden that cost someone their life. Picking his way back to the ship, he screamed as he was attacked from behind, dragged down to the dirt then half choked with the hanging piece of cuff. He hadn't realised his cuffs had broken in the impact. The left snapping clear off the chain, leaving it hanging from the right  
"You ungrateful little shit. All you needed to do was play your part"  
Lance didn't even know he was being talked to. He didn't know it was Kre'el who had attacked him, or that the half-crazed Altean had a blaster aimed at the back of his skull. No. He was still mentally chanting "Keith", though some part of his brain was slowly beginning to wake up to the idea of informing him he might just be fucked.

With superhuman strength, Kre'el released the chain, grabbing him by the hair and tearing him up off the ground, so his feet kicked weakly into the air as they failed to find purchase. Babbling and begging formed on his lips, again deaf to the world as he spoke, begging for Klearo to release him. Or trying to beg. Like the rest of him, his mouth and tongue didn't know what to do. Setting him on his feet, Kre'el controlled his movement with her hand, pushing him along, blaster aimed between her pointer finger and thumb.

Forced back into the ship, it'd hit the ground, skidded, then stopped so it was relatively upright. By some miracle it'd avoided making a nosedive, instead ripping open its belly as it beached itself. Pipes and all kinds of wires lay exposed, hissing and arcing like angry snakes as he staggered. There was absolutely nothing left in him to fight with Kre'el. She could have killed him right there, and he probably would have welcomed it. Keith was missing. His Keith. He didn't know where his Keith was and that wasn't ok... but he didn't know what to do about it.

Lance didn't remember the walk. He didn't remember how he got to where he was. He didn't remember sitting down. He didn't remember being strapped to the chair in the lab, connected to so much tech that Pidge would swoon on the spot. With his head lolled towards his chest, drool ran down his chin. Even Keith's name was beginning to leave his head. He knew he loved someone. Someone who made him feel like the most treasured person ever to exist... but he couldn't name them anymore... he wasn't sure he wanted to name them anymore. Not when sleep was so close...

And then sleep wasn't. A bucket of cold water thrown over him causing him to surge up floundering. Eyes wide as he gasped at the sensations and shamelessly wet himself in fear. Struggling against the restraints, the pointy feeling in his elbow drew his attention due to it being such a contrasting pain to the rest of him. A cannula sat against dirty black skin, deep red blood running through its tube. In front of his face, a pair of fingers clicked, trying to draw his attention, but too bad for the owner of the fingers that he couldn't hear. When his focus didn't shift, he was grabbed by the chin, and made to look up and into Kre'el's eyes. She might look nothing like he remembered her, yet, her eyes... Her eyes seemed pained. More pained than they should be for a criminal mastermind. More pained than they should be for someone who'd committed the sins she had. Suddenly the ship shuddered, Kre'el's attention ripped away from him. Armed with a blaster, she was moving away from him. A sob bubbled up. A sob that pled not to be left to die alone... He was so fucking cold that his body was spasming uncontrollably, his head lolling back where he didn't have the strength to hold it up anymore. He'd felt death before, and it felt a hell of a lot like this.

*  
Hacking and coughing, Keith had been thrown back behind the console he'd been crawling from. Atop of him, Lasandi's blaster had landed. The Altean shapeshifter now dead, due to the shot Keith had gotten off. Taking it squarely in the back, Lasandi had gone down like the pile of shit he was. Keith had no way of knowing what happened during those ticks or doboshes... maybe even vargas?... he'd been out, but waking up to find the blaster against his bound hands was the first bit of luck he'd had since they wound up on the ship, so he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. The shot had been nothing short of amazing, but no one had been there to see it... and in all honesty, if they examined the wound site, they would find it wasn't as great as Keith had built up in his head. Pushing his back up the wall, Keith grunted when his ankle wasn't able to support his full weight. Agony flaring up his shin, so fast he nearly fell from it. Sooo... he'd busted his leg. No wonder the blaster had landed in his lap, it was some kind of sick cosmic joke to lessen the pain that came with knowing his ankle was fucking busted to all hell. Watching as an orange pulse landed outside the ship, in the massive pile of debris at the bow, the explosion sent heat roaring into the open bridge. The window and half the ship front seemingly now missing, which was another thing he missed. Quiznak. Fuck. Someone was firing at them... literally, the last thing he needed. Looking towards where he'd last seen Lance, Keith found the space barren of his boyfriend, a howl falling from lips as he started to limp run to the spot. At least in his mind, he was limping as fast as he could, and not at a substantially hobbled pace. Lance had been there. He'd been right there. His stupid gorgeous Cuban had been right there... and now he wasn't. Spinning in place, the bodies of kre'el's followers were there, whether they were or alive or not, Keith couldn't tell. None of them were Lance. Shrieking his boyfriend's name, all that answered him was a boom from outside the ship. This couldn't... he couldn't... Tears rushed to fill his eyes, spilling down his cheeks as he started limping towards where the front window had been. Lance had to have been thrown... he... he had to be here somewhere. 

Keith's heart was racing, the hammering echoing in his head as chest drew painfully tight. Each limp sent fresh pain flying up his leg, but he refused to give up on Lance. He refused to leave him laying outside the ship, more than likely unconscious and unable to protect himself. Reaching the rubble between covering the base of where the ship's window had been, he stumbled hard over the twisted metal dislodged from the floor. Falling forward he wasn't able to stop himself, bracing himself for the inevitable pain of his overly sensitive body hitting the ground, only... that didn't happen. A cold hand grabbing his arm and using his momentum to manoeuvre his body into sitting. Instinct told him to fight, but as he locked eyes with the grey pair filled with concern rather than hatred, a gasp fell from his lips  
"S-Shiro?"

His throat felt constricted from the violent lump of emotion Shiro's presence caused. Dazed and unsure if it was a dream, he looked up to see most of the sky above the crash site was taken up by the Atlas. With the loss of Lance sending him into a meltdown, his brain forgot the whole shapeshifter thing until after he'd seen the Atlas, his whole body tensing as he shuffled backwards from Shiro  
"Are you real?"  
Shiro's soft smile turned to frown as he scrunched his brow  
"What do you mean? Where's Lance? And who's ship is this?"  
"Are you real?!"  
Shrieking at his adopted brother, Shiro backed off slightly. The hair, the scar and the arm all looked perfect... or as Shiro, as they always did  
"Keith, whoa. Hang on. Yes, I'm real. I got your message. We wormholed here the second we got a lock on your location"  
"Second", not "tick". They used seconds on the Atlas...  
"Are you hurt?"  
Flinching away from Shiro as Shiro reached for him, Keith knew he'd hurt him. He didn't mean to, but between the ship showing them fucked up images and shapeshifters, there was only so much he could take.

"Uh, guys. Not to ruin the mood, but we've got trouble here"

Hunk's voice came through Shiro's comms, Keith jumping at the unexpected noise  
"I've got Keith. He needs urgent medical attention"  
"I'm fine!"  
That was fooling no one  
"I'm fine. We need to find Lance"  
"He's here?"  
Shiro cast a glance around them  
"I think he must have been thrown. We need to find him. He's in danger"  
"We'll find him. Veronica, Keith needs an evac. Have the pod on standby"  
"No! I don't need the pod, Lance does. Please. We have to find him... they were after him all along"  
Shiro huffed at out sigh, swapping from "big brother mode" to "commander mode"  
"You're in no condition to go anywhere"  
"And you have no idea what you're talking about. Either help me up or get out on my way"  
It wasn't a great threat or even a good threat. His hands still cuffed and he didn't have a wall behind him he could use as support. Bringing up his communicator, Shiro hit mute on his end  
"Keith, you need to talk to me. What happened to Lance?"  
"These are the people behind the people who tortured him! He worked with both of them! He thought they were his friends... He threw himself at Kre'el when she opened a wormhole. He's not think straight"  
Starting to cry all over again, Shiro placed both hands on Keith's shaking shoulders  
"If he's here, we'll find him. But for now, I need to get you off the battlefield. We picked up signs of life not that far from here, and if there are more enemy soldiers en route, it's not a safe location"  
"You don't understand"  
"We're going to get him"  
Taking himself off mute, Shiro confirmed their position with Veronica, before raising the blaster he was armed with  
"Acxa..."

Shiro's sentence was cut off by Acxa and Zethrid appearing behind him  
"Keith!"  
Acxa both looked relieved and worried. Keith knew he how quiznakking awful he looked, but didn't know why they were there...  
"You two will be with me. Lance is currently missing and may have been taken by enemy combatants"  
"No!"  
Bursting out "No'", Keith realised he couldn't state why not, without breaking Lance's trust. Reaching a hand out towards Acxa, she did as he hoped and moved to take it  
"Keith?"  
"The ship. It makes you see things. It's Altean, and probably guarded against Galra"  
It was a logical reason, Shiro didn't buy it. Zethrid looked annoyed, and he Keith couldn't bring himself to look Acxa in the eye  
"I'll go with Shiro. You two secure the people up here. I don't know if they're still alive..."  
"You can't even walk!"  
He didn't need Acxa babying him right now. He needed his goddamn boyfriend to be found and he needed him is his arms  
"I'll be fine. I'm fine..."

Grabbing Keith by the left arm, Keith nearly screamed as Acxa forced it up. The patch job Lance had done, had come undone during the crash  
"You've been stabbed?!"  
God, he hated Acxa's big mouth. Any minute sway he'd started building in Shiro's mind was gone now  
"Get him into a pod"  
"Shiro! Don't you dare!"  
One moment Zethrid was there, and the next he was over his shoulder  
"I'll never fucking forgive you! Never! Let me go!"  
His screams went unanswered, Zethrid striding away from Shiro and making easy work of navigating her way down to ground level where a pod was waiting to transport them back up to the Atlas. 

Screaming blue murder, Keith was laid out on the bed on the back, his stolen shirts cut open within ticks of his back hitting the bed. Struggling harder, a familiar ginger moustache appeared in his field of vision. Twisting and forcing himself through the pain, his hands grabbed for Coran  
"Coran, please. You have to listen to me. You have to find Lance. No one can see him. No one but you and Daehra. You have to help him. You have to. She knows what to do"  
Coran was replying as Keith felt something press against his shoulder, a moment passed, then his body seemed to grow heavy, all the while he continued to plead with Coran to find Lance. Coran would understand about Lance's medical history. He wasn't Galra. And he was someone Lance had once trusted. He was a good Altean and Lance knew that. As the voices above him whispered back and forth, pressure was placed against his stab wound while plans were made to get him on board and into the Atlas's healing pod.

***  
Watching as Keith was carried to safety by Zethrid, Shiro was trying to ignore Veronica's nonstop talking. He understood where the woman was coming from, it'd been over a phoeb since anyone had heard from Keith or Lance. The messages sent from unknown frequency had been ignored, to begin with. After all, you don't leave Voltron or Command the Atlas without forming enemies. Having to deal with a furious Veronica, she'd sworn to make his life a living hell if he failed to locate her missing brother and Keith. To the outside world, they were still simply good friends, only he and Curtis knowing any differently until Coran had let it slip that he'd talk to Keith. Keith's level of attachment to Lance couldn't be doubted, but there was something more to it that left Shiro uneasy. Keith had grown up before his eyes. The man he'd become one that any parent or friend could be proud of, yet when it came to Lance, Keith lost all rational thought and that was what scared him. His brother had been right before him, splattered with blood and debris, screaming for Lance instead of worrying about the numerous injuries he was sporting. There was no way Keith could have helped Lance. Not with the way he was, yet he would have kept marching right down the road to self-implosion if Shiro hadn't had him forcibly removed.

Taking a deep breath in, he reminded himself that "patience yields focus", permitting himself a few seconds to calm his own anxieties over Lance. He cared for him, even though they hardly talked anymore. Something that he bitterly regretted, especially being front row to one Lance's panic attacks. They'd taken such a bright and bubbly young man, and left him so deeply scarred. He'd never forgive himself, hence why he came down personally to assist in the battle. Not that Curtis was too pleased, yet his boyfriend knew better than to argue. All the fellow ex-Paladins felt like children to him. The moniker "space dad", meant more to him then he liked to let on. 

"Hunk, what's happening down there?"  
"We've managed to make a path to the side of the ship. Their numbers are dropping. Where's Keith?"  
"He's been taken back to the Atlas"  
"And Lance?"  
The hope in Hunk's voice hurt. It'd been hardest to tell Hunk that Lance was missing. Hunk hadn't understood at all, nor was able to understand why Lance hadn't told him anything about having a bounty on his head, or how life-threatening his line of work was. Both Keith's and Lance's words rang around his mind as he tried to explain to Hunk that everything would be alright  
"Still unaccounted for. Keith isn't sure if he's onboard, or if he was thrown during the crash"  
"Oh no..."  
Hunk went straight into internal meltdown mode  
"Shiro, you should get down here, the scanner's reading human blood"  
That was never a good thing, not Lance missing and Keith badly wounded  
"Heading to you"

Backtracking down the slope of debris, Coran's bright orange hair cutting through the field of his people taking the group of attackers into custody. Slowing to wait for the man, Coran was spluttering as he finally reached him. Drawing a breath, he dabbed at his brow, attempting to collect himself. There was blood smeared across his hands that he hadn't seemed to notice  
"Is it Keith?"  
Clearing his throat, Coran pointed his communicator, doing something weird with his eyebrows. Coran's version of covert wasn't always... covert or conveyed what he was trying to say. Thankfully he'd pointed to his communicator. Pressing it to mute again, Coran nodded. It didn't matter how many years that had passed, Shiro wasn't sure he'd ever truly understand Coran, despite the respect he held for the man  
"Is Keith...?"  
"No, no. He's been taken aboard to the Atlas for treatment"  
"Then this is about Lance?"  
"Keith was quite agitated. Insisting about that I am there for Lance"

Shiro sighed to himself. Keith needed to be worried about himself. Lance was strong, and wouldn't go down without a fight... Then again, these were the people responsible for torturing him  
"Coran, is there something more I should know? About Lance?"  
Coran hummed, looking pretty suspicious  
"Coran?"  
"No. No. It's better the boys work this out for themselves... I am quite worried for Lance. This is an Altean prison ship. I haven't seen one of those in over 10 thousand years"

There was something he hadn't expected to hear. Coran never spoke of the "other side" of Altea, only the love and passion Alfor had for his people  
"Prison ship?"  
"Pop-pop Wimbledon never liked working on them... Always warned me to stay away from them. Nasty business. Best we find young Lance as soon as possible"  
Coran was still holding something back, but Hunk chose that particular moment to let out a cry of panic, drawing their attention to Shiro's comms. Shiro of all people knew how strong Hunk was, he was the first to decide he was heading down to help planetside, despite having chosen to drop out of action in favour of uniting the Galaxy through food  
"We need to get down there"  
Taking himself off mute, Veronica was still rambling into his ear, or rather Veronica was now filling the channel demanding from Hunk an update on her brother. The comment about blood only served to anger her more, especially since Shiro had ordered her to stay behind on the Atlas with Curtis, who just as unimpressed. Yes, there were others who could go, but when it came to Lance and Keith, things were personal.

Following the glowing dot on his comms that marked Hunk's location, Shiro understood why Coran's grandfather was hesitant to work on prisoners ships. It was eerie passing pod after pod filled with prisoners, who seemed so old and brittle that opening the glass doors would kill them. Having an anxious Coran by his side didn't help matters when the man kept wringing his hands and jumping at his own shadow. There had to be hundreds of people aboard the ship... which meant hundreds of pages of paperwork. His head gave a throb, threatening him with the inevitable headache it would all lead to.

Drawing closer to the dot, came the sound of battle. Blaster shots soon lighting up the corridor they were in, as Hunk yelled something garbled through the comms. Ducking to the side, Shiro looked to Coran who nodded, before shadowing the wall to the end of the hall. Turning back to tell Coran to watch his back, he found the Altean gone... Coran's ability to locationally challenge himself was only rivalled by Keith's. Great. Now he had two people to worry about. Peeking around the corner of the corridor, there was what seemed to be a purple alien firing on Hunk and his team, forcing them to take cover behind a twisted piece of wall. Given whoever was firing at them was a conscious and sentient body, Hunk would be hesitant over pulling the trigger and hurting them. Shiro... not quite so much. Dropping to the floor, he looked through the scope of the blaster and frowning at the figure shooting. They were clearly Altean...  
"Shiro, what do we do?"  
"Take her alive. She's Altean"  
"If she's Altean, shouldn't she on our side?"  
"Coran informed this is a prison ship. She may be an escaped prisoner"  
"There's bad Altean's?! When did this happen?! Why did nobody tell me there were bad Altean's?"  
"It's not the first time we've come across them"  
No. They'd come across them aboard the ship connecting this reality with an alternate one. Was it possible this ship was from an alternate reality? Though he couldn't rule it, neither could confirm it. Veronica's voice broke through the chain of thought  
"Hostiles have entered orbit, scrambling MFE pilots"  
"Understood"  
Shiro couldn't help but be slightly scared of Lance's sister. They looked so much alike, yet Veronica gave voice to things Lance never would  
"Shiro, man, what do we do? I don't want to just shoot her"  
"I'll take the shot, be ready to move in and restrain her"  
Hunk mumbled something about "thanking god", the man really too kind for their own good. Lining up the shot, Shiro fired, piercing the woman in her left shoulder. Clutching the wound and screaming, Hunk's team moved forward to take the stranger into custody.

One down. One to go.

Backtracking to where he'd last seen Coran, Shiro scanned the space. There were two corridors fairly close to the intersection, either could have been taken. Going with his gut, he turned down the corridor that ran off the side his back was too. Knowing Coran, it was possible he'd thought that was why they'd stopped...

Following down the corridor, it was filled with more pods. Some occupants not so lucky as they laid at the foot of the now-empty pods dead or impaled on broken glass. Moving stealthily and scoping the area as he did, he swapped his blasters scope to search for heat signatures, the only way he could think to locate Coran. He knew from personal experience how cold a long stint in a pod tended to leave a person. Picking up several fires, he found a human blob-shaped figure another three corridors down. For a man well over ten thousand, he had to give it to Coran. The man could certainly move when it came to getting himself lost. Picking up his pace, he relied on his blaster's scope to search for threats as he jogged through the twisted ship.

Making it to the room the heat signature was coming from, the door was already wide open. Kneeling on the floor was Coran, Lance cradled in his arms as he held him close. If Keith had been bad... Lance was...  
"Veronica, we have Lance. He needs urgent medical attention"  
"Keith was just placed into our pod"  
One would have thought they would have added to the number of pods on board, but running very different missions than they had on Voltron, and running a ship with a full staff, they simply hadn't needed to expand. The most they dealt with were the very few wounds taken from foreign fire and the occasional broken bone. Standing there, it seemed to him that Lance had broken every bone. His body far too limp, and the glow in his cheeks were barely there. Pulling himself together, Shiro strode over to the pair, kneeling on Lance's other side  
"Has he said anything?"  
"He asked for Keith. He passed out again straight after"  
Of course, Lance was asking for Keith. The pair were as bad as each other  
"I'll take him"  
"No, no. I promised Keith I would"  
Shiro had the height and strength advantage, but Coran had the heartbreaking look in his eyes. Lance had always been like an adopted son to the man, always there to lend a hand or listen to Coran confuse himself as he spoke on and on about days long gone  
"Coran, I'll carry him. I know you're worried, but we need to get him urgent medical attention"

Reaching for Lance's neck to reassure himself the younger man did indeed have a pulse the moment his fingers touched the soft curve, Lance jolted up in Coran's arms, screaming his head off and trying to fight against him. Though that was more like a worm wriggling than actually doing anything  
"Lance..."  
Coran interrupted him. Shiro was getting pretty fed up with being interrupted at this point  
"Lance, Lance. You're ok my boy. Keith sent me. Keith asked me to find you. He's ok. He's..."  
Keith's name calmed Lance enough for him to stop screaming and swap to babbling  
"He needs a pod. Keith needs a pod. He... stabbed him... he needs help... please... you have to put him in a pod... he can't die... he can't..."  
Hushing Lance, Coran lifted him as he stood, wobbling slightly as he did. Crying out in pain, tears rolled down the Cuban's face as he whimpered out Keith's name. As horrible as it was, Shiro could only pray that Lance would pass out again before they reached the pod that would evac him to safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fine. It made a really loud thunk noise... maybe it knocked some sense into me...


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For our poor space dad, the fear is real. There's nothing in the whole wide universe he wouldn't do for the pair of them...

Sitting by Keith's bedside, Shiro watched his brother sleeping off the effects of his stay in the pod. Compared to Lance, Keith was the model patient, his ankle was still badly bruised, but at least he was on the right track. Getting Lance back on board the Atlas, Coran had insisted that they pass medical treatment over Lance's condition to Daehra. Between the damaged done, and Lance unable to be placed into the pod due to Keith being in there, Shiro wasn't entirely sure how that came about. She'd rushed into action, while he'd fallen behind, finding himself still standing in the same place as where he'd parted from Lance, when Curtis came to collect him. Shiro couldn't help but feel responsible for the current condition of them both. When Keith had missed his deadline, he'd had such faith in him that he'd ordered Acxa to hold off for the extra half a quintant. By the time they had moved in, the outpost was a smouldering crater with no sign of Keith or Lance, who's presence there had been confirmed by Daehra through a friend who'd aided Lance in infiltrating the base. It was his fault that Lance and Keith disappeared. It fell on him to brief the members of their respective teams. The one person they desperately needed to make sense of the situation was Lance. Lance who'd been right all along. The Atlas wasn't wanted in that region of space, the frank animosity a slap in the face after the all the peace missions they'd been on. People public spat in their face, ignore their presence due to the uniforms on their back, and that for the most part, they were humans. They were associated with Voltron. The very Voltron that had failed to help them. Shiro found a whole new respect for Lance. Establishing himself out in this region of space was nothing short of miraculous, but Lance had always been like that. For good or for worse, he drew people towards him. Now he was deep below in hanger two with the rest of his team, a place Shiro wasn't welcomed, yet Coran was. Something more was going on with Lance, yet no one would tell him anything. Not even an exhausted Veronica who'd hounded Coran until he couldn't ignore her. They'd had them both back for nearly a movement and still had no answers. The Altean they captured now occupied the pod that Lance should be in. His team was sorting through the ruins of the prison ship, and there he was, sitting by Keith's side because he refused to leave until his brother woke. Not wanting to alarm Krolia, he'd waited until Keith's vitals had stabilised and he was in the all-clear before contacting her. The woman was currently stuck in diplomatic meetings but had asked him to warn Keith that he was in a world of trouble once she got there. They'd all been worried. A phoeb with no idea what was happening had passed. Even with the time dilation in the region, it was hard on all of them.

Hearing the soft click of the door, then the creaking of the hinges, Shiro didn't need to turn around to know that Curtis was there. Walking up behind him, his boyfriend draped a thick blanket from their bed over his shoulders  
"They've moved Lance up here. It doesn't look good"  
Leaning forward, Shiro clasped his hands together, resting the bridge of his nose against it  
"Tell me"  
"He developed a secondary infection in his lungs. They've placed him on a ventilator"  
A sob bubbled up. He'd been so worried about Keith... The guilt clawing him alive  
"There's another thing. I think it's best you come see him"  
"What about Keith?"  
"Acxa is waiting outside the door"

That would have to do. He owed it to Lance to face the full brunt of his condition. Forcing himself up, Shiro moved to brush Keith's fringe from his face. Allowing himself a moment to take in the fact that he was so incredibly fortunate to have him back, before tearing himself away. 

Pausing to request Acxa find him if Keith woke, Curtis placed a reassuring hand on the small of Shiro's back as he led him down the corridor to where Lance had been admitted. On his left side, Lance's hand had been bandaged and was resting in Coran's hold. The man had clearly been crying. On his right side, Veronica stroked Lance's hair, while Daehra stood tapping on her holopad  
"Ho-How is he?"  
Shiro's voice was rough with emotion, the soft hiss of the ventilator felt like a blow to the gut  
"Daehra has done all she can. She's worked miracles on this stupid idiot brother of mine, but now it's up to Lance. He requested that our parents not be informed, and with the state he's in, I can see why"  
Full of love, Veronica's voice was soft as she smiled down at him. Glancing up from her holopad, Daehra looked to Coran who gave a small nod  
"Lance is suffering from a secondary infection in his lungs. It has not turned into what humans describe as pendona?"  
"She means pneumonia"  
Daehra nodded at Coran's words  
"Yes. That. He has had most of his little finger on his left hand amputated. There are multiple infected blaster marks to his body, as well as tearing and bruising. There has also been clear evidence of an intercranial sample being taken, as you can see where his head was partially shaven. I have set his broken arm, though he will need surgery on his torn tendon in the right shoulder. Due to his Altean healing, his body is healing at an accelerated rate, however, due to the substantial amount of damage his body has taken, fever has developed. As he did not want painkillers, we have sedated him for the time being. He was also severely anemic, which resulted in a blood transfusion being required. He is showing no signs of rejection. Kidney production is decreased, due to internal trauma and swelling. I fear if you had not acted when you did, he would not have survived past another quintant"

When Shiro's knees gave out, Curtis was there to catch him. Guiding him over to lean heavily against the wall. He should have waited. He should have waited to see how Lance was before placing priority on Keith's healing. No wonder Keith had wanted so desperately to go to Lance.

"There was also traces of blood in both ear canals, so we will need to wait until he wakes again to assess if there has been any permanent damage. Lance has requested I stay in charge of his medical treatment"

"I'd like to sit with him if that's ok?"  
"Shiro, you need to rest. My idiot brother will be fine, and you've been sitting by the bedside of that other idiot. Curtis, take him to bed..."  
Veronica quirked an eyebrow. Unapologetic over the phrasing  
"... or I'll drop off all your paperwork and force you to complete it all at once. As well as each of the prisoner interviews..."  
"Come now, Veronica. I would rather not kill my boyfriend off with paperwork. He wanted to sit by Lance for a while, let him have that. Then I promise I'll take him to bed and you can boss him around as much as you like tomorrow"  
"You're supposed to be on my side"  
Curtis held a healthy fear of Veronica too, but the pair of them didn't need to gang up against him when he was already feeling so low. This entire mess was his fault. Lance and Keith would be carrying lasting scars from this experience, and worst of all, he still held no answers for them. Coran was on hand to translate the Altean on board the ship, but he'd been glued to Lance's side, Shiro unable to tear them apart  
"Fine. I expect you to work tomorrow. Daehra, you'll call me if there is any change"  
"Yes, of course. Lance shall be sleeping for the next 12 vargas at least. I'll check in with Keith. Coran, please watch over him and Shiro. Shiro, I expected better of you. You clearly need rest"  
"Yes, Daehra. I will rest. Thank you for all you've done for him"  
"Yes, well, someone needs to be there for him"

Lance might be able to forgive him, but he was still in trouble with his team. Not that he could blame them. Lance was their leader and he'd let them down. The only reason they were cooperating was for the sakes of Lance and Keith. Copping the insult on the chin, Shiro turned the other cheek. Once Lance was awake, then things would sort themselves out...

*  
Propped up with his foot elevated, Keith was planning his escape. The vent was annoyingly out of reach, covered as if to tease him. His mother hadn't been impressed by that both he and Lance had been wounded, Krolia making it her mission to repeatedly bump against his elevated leg, not realising it at first that she was doing so intentionally, laughing heartily when he pulled her up on it. He wasn't allowed on his feet, and no one would tell him how Lance was doing. After the first varga of being confined to bed, every following vargas had been playing the part of the recovering patient... who needed rest and to be left alone. No one wanted to leave him alone though. "Rest, we'll be right here" could only be said so many times before it grated on his nerves. He wanted his boyfriend, so the first chance he had to escape, he was escaping to find Lance.

He wasn't left alone until the middle of the night. Having faked sleep long enough to fall into a nap, he woke up to find himself blissfully alone. Finally alone. Slipping out the bed, he grabbed the crutches he was confined to using for the next movement. He didn't need the damn things, but when Shiro gave him that "dad" look, he had no choice in the matter. Sliding his hands into the cuffs, he limped forward, not loving being forced into crutches he neither needed or wanted, but grateful to be freed from the hospital bed he'd begun moulding into.

Making it outside his room, Shiro was leaning against the wall casually, Keith well and truly sprung  
"You took longer than expected. Acxa left nearly a varga ago"  
"Stuff off. I fell asleep"  
"I know. And now you're going back to bed"  
Fixing his brother with the coolest glare he could, Keith hobbled forward. Pods were supposed to fix everything. Why was his damn ankle still sore?  
"I'm going to see Lance"  
"Keith..."  
"No. He's my goddamn boyfriend..."  
"Keith..."  
"I need to see him"  
"Keith, he needs rest"  
"It's not like I'm going to jump him. Why won't anyone tell me what's going on with him? I have to see him. There's things you don't understand going on"  
"I know Lance means the world to you..."  
"Goddammit, Shiro! Let me see him"  
As if 10 quintants of being unconscious wasn't long enough to be separated from Lance, he didn't understand why he couldn't see him. Shiro knew that Lance had PTSD. He knew that Lance couldn't calm without him...  
"Keith, Lance was the one was asked that you not visit him"

That wasn't expected. Why would Lance not want to see him? If it was because of what happened, Keith didn't blame him. He didn't blame him for any of it...  
"You have no idea what happened Shiro"  
No one had asked what had happened, everyone kept telling him to rest instead  
"Honestly, I'm worried about Lance. He won't take anything to help with the pain. We weren't able to place him in a pod, due to the Altean we apprehend. He's been quiet and withdrawn since waking. He doesn't want to talk to any of us, instead asking to be left alone"  
Lance had been badly wounded. He'd needed the pod more than Keith had, and certainly, more than Kre'el did  
"And you listened to him?! I need to see him. I can't believe you'd put her in it, instead of him! You have no clue..."  
Being on crutches didn't stop Keith from taking a swing at Shiro, livid at his brother for placing priority on Kre'el instead of Lance. Dodging the blow with ease, Shiro sighed  
"I suppose I deserve that. Lance's team refuses to speak to me, blaming me for not sending backup in sooner. You, Coran, Daehra and Lance all seem to be keeping some kind of secret. Whatever it is, it's not helping Lance. Not when Lance is clearly hiding things"  
"He's not hiding things!"  
Snapping at Shiro, Shiro raised an eyebrow  
"He's not hiding anything about the mission Shiro"  
"Then what is he hiding?"  
He wanted to tell. Shiro was genuinely concerned for Lance, but this wasn't his secret to tell. He was once again trapped by the situation. Lance most likely wasn't taking painkillers due to his drug addiction, not like could admit that out loud. Not to Shiro. Not to the man he'd looked up to and desperately wanted him to think him equal  
"He... some stuff happened, and he didn't deal with it very well. Coran knows he's hurt himself. If he's acting weird, it's probably because of that. We talked about it a bit... he agreed I should go find Lance and to help him. Then, Lance, had his heart kicked to the curb, by a person who thought was his friend. Please, Shiro. I need to see him before he gets too far into his head"

Shiro let out another sigh. Staring into his eyes, his brother looked like he hadn't slept in the whole 12 quintants since he'd dropped in from nowhere and had rescued them  
"I'm sick of being on the outside Keith. How am I supposed to help you both?"  
"I promise you... when the time is right, I'll tell you anything he gives me his permission to. I broke his trust. It's so fragile right now that he can't trust anyone. That Altean bitch did this to him. You should have left her to die there"  
"Does that "Altean bitch" have a name?"  
"Kre'el. Like the woman in his briefings. The one who helped him after what happened with Klearo. She was a shape-shifting bitch. Now, I need to see Lance, or I'm going to stab you this damn crutch in my hand"  
"Between you, Curtis, Lance, and Veronica, I've barely had a moment to sit down. I was never going to stop you, Keith. I simply wanted to know what was going on"  
"Are... are you ok?"  
Shiro gave him a crooked smile  
"Not really. It was... all of this is my fault. I held off sending in backup when you failed to check-in. Then when we did, the outpost had already been destroyed. For... for a while phoeb, I thought you were dead..."

Letting go of the crutches, Keith reached up to wrap his arms around Shiro  
"You're not to blame for what happened. You saved us after the crash. Lance isn't to blame. You're not to blame. She's to blame. Ok. You're my brother, Shiro. I know you're worried for Lance, and I don't know how we're going to work through this, but we will. Lance is tough"  
"I prioritised your healing over his. I didn't think that he was as bad as you described. I thought you were allowing your personal feelings to cloud your judgement. Then when I saw him..."  
Shiro's breath hitched, his hold tightening  
"When I saw him I realised how much of a mistake I'd made..."  
"Lance will understand"  
Lance wound understand while Keith was internally torn. Lance should have been given priority over Kre'el. Shiro shouldn't have made the call to put him in a pod without knowing Lance's condition. All Keith had had wrong was a little bit of stabbing, a busted arm, and a broken ankle... and maybe some trauma to his head... but Lance... he... God. He needed to see him. Releasing Shiro, he took up his crutches again, gripping the handles tightly as he stepped back  
"Can I see him now?"  
Running his human hand through his hair, Shiro looked even more exhausted than before  
"Yeah. Yeah, he's just down the hall"

Holding the door open for him, Keith limped into the room. Shiro hadn't told him that Lance was on oxygen, his love's blue marks shining brightly against his ashen complexion as Lance rattled in a breath  
"It's better than it looks. He developed an infection. For a while, we were scared it'd turn to pneumonia, but the antibiotics kicked in"  
"From his finger or the blaster marks?"  
"Blaster marks. You know about his finger?"  
Keith nodded, taking a cautious step forward. All he wanted to do was dive into bed next to Lance and pull him into his arms. He was exhausted, and unprepared for Lance to be on oxygen  
"They took a bone, muscle and skin sample from both of us. Mine from the wrist, and his... from his finger. They... They planned this all. Klearo was working for that woman... She wanted him to bring Lance to her. For his... Altean whatever... whatever caused the marks... can I sit by him?"  
"Do you promise not to disturb the equipment?"  
"I won't disturb him. I won't cause a scene. He needs to rest, and he's finally safe enough to do so. Thanks to you"  
"It's thanks to you. Your message came through. We were there as soon as we could be"  
Keith shook his head  
"In that case, its to thanks to Lance. He forced his hand out of the cuffs, even with his finger gone. He got the comms of the officers escorting us and he kept me going on that ship... It's him that brought down the ship. He tackled Kre'el as the ship entered the wormhole... We were... I promised him chocolate. And a shower. Has anyone showered him?"  
"I don't know. Daehra refused us access to him for the first few days... Lance refused care from anyone else"  
"He's been through a lot with Daehra. She understands"  
Limping over to Lance'd bedside, Keith longed to plant a kiss on Lance's sweaty brow  
"I'm pretty sure she hates me"  
"Daehra doesn't hate anyone. Though at times she reminds me of Krolia. Like when you upset her or do something stupid. She's not afraid to stand her ground against it and tell you as much"  
"She didn't want to work with us. While you and Lance were gone. She insisted on waiting to hear from either of you, until Acxa informed her that the base had been destroyed. His team rejoined us after that"  
"I'm not surprised. They are fiercely protective of him. He brings out everyone's doting side. Can I have some time alone with him?"  
"I can't guarantee someone won't drop by. Hunk tried to come by earlier, but Lance refused to see him"  
"I think for him, everyone knowing is the worst possible outcome for the situation"  
"He does know..."  
"He knows everyone is here for him. He's just not used to relying on them anymore. Thanks, Shiro. I promise I'll stay off the foot"  
"Make sure you do. There's a chair on his other side"  
"I'll get there"  
"Or I could fetch it for you"  
"No. I'll be fine. It's nice not to be laying down. We joked about how we were going to take a bath and stay in the bed for a phoeb... and I owe him his weight in chocolate..."  
"Keith, he's going to be alright. It might take some time..."  
"If Daehra's been treating him, then he's going to be alright..."  
"He needs surgery"

Blurting it out Shiro sounded gutted, Keith's eyes filled with tears that he'd been trying to keep down. Lance had those crazy healing powers... he wasn't supposed to need surgery  
"Wh... on what?"  
"Tears in his right shoulder. Daehra set his broken arm, but she's not allowing our medics to do anything other than provide antibiotics for the infection in his lungs. He really would be more comfortable if she allowed him painkillers"  
"Daehra has herbs for that... Don't think for a moment she'd let him suffer"  
Despite everything, Keith still found trust in her. He'd been to her home planet, met her family and seen how much she genuinely cared for Lance. She trusted in Lance, and Lance trusted in her. That was the most important thing  
"I wouldn't know. She won't talk to us"  
"I'll talk to Daehra. You should get some rest, Shiro. I know you're blaming yourself, but the most important thing is that we're both here. Try not to be so hard on yourself"

With a pat on the shoulder, Shiro let them alone. Keith hadn't been able to take his eyes off Lance's sleeping face, wondering how comfortable he was laying propped up like he was. Leaning in, he rested his forehead against Lance's, tears rolling down and dripping onto Lance's clammy skin as he let out a soft sob. This wasn't supposed to have turned out like this. Lance wasn't supposed to be hurt like this. He'd wanted to protect him... How much pain had he been in on that ship? Vargas had passed since they'd given him the injection at the outpost. That wouldn't have kept him going for so long...

Beneath him, Lance coughed. Keith pulling back to see sleepy blue eyes looking up at him  
"Quiznak. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you..."  
Using his right arm, that probably wasn't supposed to be moving around as a sling was poking out from the blankets up to Lance's shoulder, Lance clumsily pulled off the oxygen mask covering his lips  
"You're supposed to be resting, Mullet"  
Snorting an unsexy snot bubble, Keith wiped at his face  
"I've been resting"  
"That's good..."  
Lance coughed wetly, Keith moving the oxygen mask back over his lips. His left hand waving weakly as Keith. Taking the mittened hand, Keith tried to pull himself together  
"Shiro said something about an infection in your chest... and surgery... I'm so sorry, babe... you saved us. You tackling her down, god, I was so proud of you. Then I was so fucking scared... when I couldn't find you"  
Lance moved his hand back to lift the mask, ignoring Keith trying to keep in on his face  
"Not your fault. At all... all mine... just glad you're ok"  
"I'm not ok, you dick. You got hurt"  
"And you got that message out to Shiro"  
"That doesn't..."  
"Keith, please... babe... come here..."  
Lance wiggled, barely moving in his bed before wincing with pain  
"I shouldn't"  
"I need you resting too... I told them not to let you in... so you'd rest"  
Relief loosened the tight grip of rejection that had wound around his heart when Shiro had told him Lance didn't want to see him. His husband knew him too well  
"Idiot. They put me in a pod... it's just a bit of bruising that's hanging around"  
"That's good... that's..."  
Sniffling, Lance tried to hold it in, before coughing harshly. Pulling on Keith's hand, Keith pushed the mask back down with a glare  
"You're not allowed to go dying on me. You're not allowed to leave me like that. I couldn't fucking find you... I thought you'd been thrown out the ship and were killed in the shot the Atlas fired..."  
Being the stubborn shit he was, Lance pulled harder on his hand, coughing out "get in here" as he struggled for breath.

There was a tangle of wires hidden under the sheets, Lance naked apart from a pair of boxer briefs and thick thermal socks. That and the numerous sensor pads stickied to his chest and shoulder. There was also the IV line that disappeared into his busted up left hand, and the air tubing to his mask to consider. Keith really didn't think he should be climbing in... but he couldn't say no to Lance. He couldn't deny him the comfort they bought sought... even when he had no idea where to wrap his arm, or how much pressure to apply against Lance's chest  
"Stop thinking, babe"  
"I can't"  
"You got us out of this. It's alright"  
"It's not alright. None of this is alright. I'm sorry, Lance but this isn't ok. None of this is"  
"Babe, don't..."  
Lance coughed beneath him, cutting himself off  
"I never want to feel the way I felt when I couldn't find you"  
"Keith, I'm tired. Go to sleep already"  
Keith deflated. He knew he couldn't overwhelm Lance, but at the same time, everything coming to mind was sliding off his tongue with no filter  
"Ok... we can talk later... I love you"  
"Mmm, me too"

Keith stayed tense as Lance finally fell asleep beneath him, or beside him. He wasn't really sure how they'd ended up by the end of it. He was more or in Lance's favourite spot to sleep, tucked up under his boyfriend's arm protectively. He'd told Shiro he wouldn't disturb Lance, or wake him, yet instead, he woke him up by crying all over him. He was so weak. There were a dozen things he could have differently. If he just reached Lance before the crash, he could have prevented him from being further injured. Nuzzling gently into Lance's chest, Keith hid himself away from the world, not wanting anyone to see him feeling so lost and confused.

*  
Having gradually melted into Lance's hold, Keith's tears finally ran dry. Listening to Lance's beating heart and raspy lungs, the fingers of his left-hand tracing patterns around the sensor monitoring pad on the side Lance's ribs. He didn't want to move to let Lance go, nor did he want to fall asleep in case something happened. Lance was so warm and alive beneath him right now that he feared being pulled away from him would destroy all of that. As the door to Lance's room slid open, Keith tried to hide beneath the blankets, knowing he'd be lectured if it was Shiro... or even worse, Veronica. He didn't know what he'd say to Hunk when he saw him... that was going to be awkward... Lucteal probably wanted to punch him in the face... No. He knew he couldn't hide successfully, but that didn't mean he didn't give it a good shot, keeping his head down as the chair next to Lance's bed scraped lightly on the floor. Whoever was there was staring holes through his head, he could feel their gaze on him, driving him anxious as they failed to speak. Unable to take the racing of his heart or the speckling fear that he was about to be yelled at, Keith cautiously raised his head, ever conscious of the fact Lance's right arm was millimetres from his head. Giving him a tight smile, Coran stroked Lance's hair back from his face  
"How long has he been sleeping?"  
Clearing his throat softly, Keith's fingertips dug lightly into Lance's skin  
"A few vargas"  
"And you?"  
"I've slept enough... did he... I mean... did you?"  
"I've been by his side since we found him. He's got a long way to go"  
"How bad is it? Shiro told me he needed surgery"  
"That Daehra of his is a wonderful healer. Yet she doubted her skills in surgery. He's torn a tendon in his shoulder, so once his lungs are cleared up, he'll be straight into surgery then off to into a pod. He's off that horrible ventilator and that's the main thing"  
Keith choked  
"He was on a ventilator?"  
"When the infection in his lungs became evident, as a precaution. When it didn't progress into pneumonia, she made the call to remove it this morning"  
"I bet Lance loved that"  
"Has been particularly concerned about you"  
"I know I'm not supposed to be here"  
"As long as you don't disrupt these doohickeys, I won't tell if you don't. He's a very lucky boy"  
"He is... How are you holding up?"

Coran seemed shocked by the question, raising his hand from Lance's hair, he fiddled with his moustache  
"It's all a bit strange, isn't it? Altean's. original Altean's and they're doing whatever they pleased. I'm a little shocked I'm afraid"  
"Lance and I were too..."  
Keith didn't know how to tactfully ask if Coran knew why both Kre'el's and Lasandi's skin was maroon  
"... have you made any progress?"  
"Young Veronica has everyone working on it. She and Lance had quite the fight earlier. Poor boy has so many secrets. And that Veronica has such a firm attitude..."  
"I worried about that... Shiro's upset that he doesn't know everything. He thinks we don't trust him... I have no idea what I'm going to say to any of them"  
"Lance made it clear that his injuries were his fault, and that the blame shouldn't lie with you. He was quite distressed about it all after Veronica left. He refused to cry at all since waking, hasn't ushered a work about the pain either. I was worried he was going to shut down entirely, especially when he requested you not be allowed in his room"  
Lance was most definitely going to be falling into a flunk over all of this. Everything from the moment he arrived on Erathus was a lie... a lie that spread much further than he'd known. He'd been betrayed repeatedly by those he trusted and now Kre'el had planned to experiment on him  
"He said he knew I'd be in here like this, and wanted me to get some rest. I'm scared for him. Kre'el was his friend. She got him his job, got him back on his feet after he was tortured. Found him a place to stay that was safe... and all that was to keep him alive so she could eventually get her hands on him. She wanted to cut him to pieces... and... said something about how he was such a unique specimen he was with those marks... It was messed up... that whole ship is messed up"  
"They were designed to be disorientating, in case of prisoner escape. Nasty places..."  
Coran visibly shivered. Beneath him Lance shifted slightly, both men holding their breath until they were sure he'd fallen back to sleep  
"Has... have you tracked down the people she's associated with?"  
"That's a conversation for another time. You two need to worry about your recovery. Krolia has Blades working hard on it all. How are you? I'm sorry I haven't stopped by"  
"Better... Could be better, but better now I've seen him"  
"I feel like I should apologise to both of you, for what was done..."  
"Coran, let me stop you there. Just because you're an Altean, doesn't mean you're to blame. You should get some rest too. Lance'll be upset if you don't"  
A long moment passed  
"Yes. I suppose you're right. I know he's in safe hands with you here. Daehra will come by in the morning. She'll be able to give you a full report on Lance's condition"  
"Thanks, Coran, and thanks for being here with him"  
"It was my pleasure... don't tell the others, but Lance was always my favourite"  
Everyone knew that anyway  
"Your secret's safe with me"  
Standing up, the Altean straightened himself out  
"Yes. Well, make sure you get some rest too. Or we'll both be in trouble with him"  
Keith's lips tugged into a smile. It was warming to know that Coran accepted their relationship, even with it shoved right in his face. Coran meant a lot to Lance, and Lance to him. If Coran hadn't approved... it wouldn't have mattered if they were married or not, Lance would start doubting everything  
"We can't have that"  
"No we can't"  
Unable to keep himself from fussing, Coran rearranged the blankets over them, making sure both men were covered and comfortable for the night.

Lance woke him half a dozen times during the night with his coughing. Hushing his lover softly, he fell back to sleep after fit, soft nasally snores reassuring Keith that he hadn't suddenly died in his hold. When the lights of the ship began to shift brightness in correspondence with "daylight hour", Keith gave in to the nagging call of his bladder. He'd only be gone a dobosh or two, but that was too long for his liking as he tried to hold out to the very last moment.

Detangling himself, Keith grabbed up his stupid crutches, still objecting that he was stuck on for over a little bit of bruising, and limped over to the bathroom connected to the room Lance was in. Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he frowned before remembering that he'd come into the space to pee. Taking care of business, his stomach rumbled at him, reminding him that food was a thing. If Daehra allowed it, he hoped he'd be able to have breakfast with Lance. Lance could be horrible at remembering to eat. Limping over to the sink, the man staring back at him was in dire need of a shower. His hair oily and limp, raising an arm to brush it back, the smell of BO reaffirmed the need for a shower. It probably wouldn't be hygienic for him to be so dirty and laying in bed with Lance when he had so many wounds. Washing his hands quickly, he poked his head out the bathroom to check Lance was still sleeping, before snagging the door handle and pulling it closed. Lance wouldn't be able to accuse him of not looking after himself if he was freshly showered.

The hot water felt amazing. Keith indulging in scrubbing himself nearly raw as the water washed away his offending scent. He'd have to ask Shiro if the Atlas had a bath. Maybe some candles, or small lights to create the mood... Curtis seemed like the kind of man to have a bubble bath. Adam secretly enjoyed it, despite how stern he looked. As well as the herbal scents helping to relax Shiro's body after he'd seize up with pain. Spending far too much time in the shower, returning to his sweats and loose shirt seemed like undoing all his hard work... but he hadn't thought that far ahead, so had no choice. 

Leaving his crutches in the bathroom, Keith towelled his hair off as he let himself back into Lance's room. Sitting further up his bed, Lance had drawn his knees up to his chest, arms resting on his knees as he stared at the windowless wall to the right. The damn idiot had taken his oxygen mask off again. Keith had no idea how to swap to the nasal cannula, but they were going to have to if Lance didn't start behaving himself  
"You were supposed to be sleeping"  
"I thought you'd left"  
"I went for a shower. I was only getting up to go to the toilet, but then I smelt how had I stank, and decided to give your nose a break"

Keith's joking fell flat, dropping his towel onto the floor, he hobbled over to Lance's bed, making the most of the space that opened up by his feet. Placing his hand on his boyfriend's, Lance pulled his busted left-hand back  
"Sorry..."  
The guilt. The scent. Lance had thought he'd left him as in "not coming back"  
"Hey, it's ok. You're probably sick to death of laying around?"  
"Something like that"  
Lance wasn't biting. He wasn't giving him much of anything really  
"Babe, did you think I wasn't coming back?"  
Lance sniffled, moving to hide his face in his hands  
"Why am I so stupid? Nyma. Klearo. Kre'el... You. I... could hear the water and... and... I'm so stupid... Why am I so easy to use? What's wrong with me? Why... why does no one care about me? Why do they always leave me behind? I can't do anything right..."  
"You're not stupid, babe. You're not"  
"Then why does this keep happening?! Why couldn't she ask me for help?! Why couldn't... she just ask for help?"

There was no "throwing his hands up", no "screaming", just cold pain. Manoeuvring himself up next to his boyfriend, he forgot about the whole wires thing in his haste to calm Lance back down  
"I don't know. I don't know why she went to the lengths she did. But babe, I love you. I love that you see the best in people. I wish I could... You're not stupid. What she's been doing, she's obviously been doing for some time"  
"She was my friend, Keith. She was my friend and she killed all those people... I killed all those people. How am I supposed to look at everyone? Veronica already yelled at me when I asked about you. She told me I wasn't what you needed. She's right, isn't she? You could have been killed in the crash..."  
Veronica had no right taking her anger and concern out on Lance  
"I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Besides, from where I'm sitting, you're the one who was closer to death"  
"She wasn't happy about that either. She wants me to go back to Earth and stop doing stupid things to make her worry... it's her way of telling me how much of a burden I am. Nothing ever changes, does it?"

Taking hold of Lance's oxygen mask, Keith put it back into place. Lance sounding wheezy as he sadly mumbled against him  
"I know she's your sister, but she's wrong. You're not a burden. You're not in the way. You helped expose what has been happening for probably decades. You kept going, even with that ship getting in your head, and me being practically dead weight. Plus, you ran around with most of your finger missing, threw yourself at Kre'el, took out a shuttle of guards... dragged me all over the place..."  
Lance glared at him from behind the mask  
"Like you wouldn't have done the same thing"  
"Don't. Don't sell yourself short. You did amazing"  
"Amazing at fucking up. Shit. I'm sorry... you don't need this. You should just go back to your room, where you're safe from a... from a fuck-up like me"  
"Hey. Enough of that. I love you, and once you've come through that surgery, we're going to find some planet to hole upon. You're going to get all the chocolate you can eat, and we're going to take a ridiculously long bath together"  
"I'm sorry... I... I think I need help or something... it's all... it's all right there... and I can't..."

Behind them something started beeping loudly as Lance "shoved" his way into Keith's lap. Sobbing and coughing against him, Keith rocked Lance gently. With Lance being the one to climb into his lap, his boyfriend would know how to sit so it didn't hurt him, or at least that was how Keith justified it. Kissing Lance's sticky hair, blood and sweat was still trapped in the locks, Lance's oxygen mask pressed hard against Keith's shoulder, trapping it in place  
"Whatever you need, baby. Whatever you need, I've got you"  
"I don't know what I need... I can't... I can't stop thinking... she sold me... she could have stopped it all... I don't want to keep... I'm so tired"  
Probably because there was a million things going on, and no one to give Lance any of the answers he needed. Nor Keith, for that matter. Lance would continue over analysing things until he knew what every single little thing that happened to him meant and why it had to happen to him alone  
"That's ok. Shhh... That's ok"  
"I'm sorry... Keith, I'm so sorry"  
Keith didn't like the wetness of Lance's cough. Kre'el could get fucked. Lance needed a pod. He needed something done about this infection  
"Babe, it's ok. You need to bring your breathing back under control for me. I've got you, but you need to breathe for me"  
"C-can't..."  
Lance was panicking, Keith could smell it, and hear it in his wheezes. Tilting his boyfriend's face back, Lance tried to bring his hand up to his mask, Keith catching his hand before he could tinker with it. It wasn't great for conversation, but his heightened senses could make out the muffled words  
"In through your nose for me, then out through your mouth"  
"M-mask..."  
"That's right, babe. The mask is there to help"  
Shaking his head, Lance's face filled with pain as he fought to get his right hand out of Keith's hold and the mask off his face  
"You need to keep the mask on!"  
Wheeze-cough-crying was the only way to describe the Cuban's current state as he "coughed" out  
"Can't... pressure on face... can't..."

Examining where the elastic straps sat, Keith realised the straps of the mask were in line with where a gag could sit. Tearing the offending device out of Lance's hands, he threw it. It didn't go very far, given he was sitting on the tube line, kind of just limply flopping onto Lance's shoulder where it mocked him. Lance hadn't had a reaction to things against his lips or mouth for a while now, so he'd forgotten about his dislike for them. No one that knew what had happened could blame Lance for hating the feel of the mask. His lover had probably hated the feel against his face since waking up  
"I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry. Here, it's off now. Breathe with me... It's just us. Just you and me"

Surely somewhere some kind of medical alarm had gone off to inform them that something wasn't right in Lance's room. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind, the door to Lance's room slid open, Lance whimpering away from the sound  
"What's going on... Lance, buddy. You alright, man?"  
Hunk's soft voice had Lance trying to flee backwards from him. His coughing and crying only worsening as he failed to escape  
"No. He's not alright! Get Daehra up here"  
Snapping at Hunk was a shitty move. Keith felt it the moment the venomous words came out his mouth  
"I'm... going to find a nurse"  
Dammit, Hunk. Lance didn't need a nurse, he needed to work through the attack slowly, in an environment where he felt safe. Gasping hard for breath, it was no good. His weakened lungs and generally poor condition didn't have the strength to support a panic attack. It was mere moments after Hunk took off running down the hall, that Lance went limp in his hold, Keith shaking his boyfriend as his mind leapt to the worst-case scenario.

Returning with a nurse, Hunk pulled Keith away from Lance as the nurse moved Lance out of his hold. The mask forced back into place as the man shot Keith a nasty look  
"Keith, man... maybe we should go so he can do his job?"  
"I'm not going anywhere"  
"I know you're worried about Lance because we all are, but he needs serious rest right now. You... uh, probably shouldn't have been in his bed"  
Moving to the beeping machine, the male nurse continued on with his cold attitude towards Keith as he agreed with Hunk  
"He needs constant oxygen and no stress. He isn't allowed to move, let alone have someone in here who makes him agitated"  
Tugging at his arm, Keith was livid with both me  
"You're not even supposed to be touching him. His medical care is overseen by his team's physician, and if she's unavailable, then Coran. And if he's unavailable, me. All medical decisions for Lance, are to be made by the three of us, because that's what he wants. Seeing you can't even make arrangements for him to be moved to a pod, you have no right to lecture me on his health when I fucking know what's going on!"  
"If you continue to raise your voice at me, I will have no choice but to have you removed. I know the Commander has a soft spot for you, so you think you can get away with..."  
Keith bared his teeth as he growled in warning, prepared to launch himself over Lance's bed in order to punch the stupid nurse bastard in the face if he didn't stop messing with the stupid beeping machine  
"Keith, come on man..."  
There was a hint of a whine in Hunk's plea  
"I am not leaving him!"

Shaking Hunk's hold on his arm off, the teddy bear of a man looked to him with pained eyes  
"Keith, I know you're worried, but we need to let time help him"  
"Help him?! Helping him would have been putting him in a pod, instead of me! You have no idea what he went through!"  
"And you have no idea what we went through! He's my friend too!"  
"You're friend?! Don't you get it? He can't rely on his friends! He doesn't even know who his friends are anymore! That Altean bitch that you stuck in the pod, she was his friend and this is where it got him! Nearly fucking dead, and nursing god only knows how many injuries!"  
Hunk hung his head, shuffling his feet as he succeeded in making Keith feel even worse about yelling at him.

"What's going on here, Keith?!"

Striding into the room, Daehra and Lucteal both pulled the attention to them. Daehra wasn't pleased, but hell if Keith wasn't happy to see her there  
"Patients oxygen levels plummeted as his heart race increased, tripping the alarm..."  
Answering, the male nurse shot Keith a smug look  
"I was asking Keith. As per the patient's request, I should have been made aware immediately of the change in his condition. Keith, can you tell me what happened?"  
"He had an attack over everything. He couldn't get a breath in with how his lungs are"  
"Alright. I understand. Lucteal, Keith, you may both stay. Hunk, I'm sorry. And you... don't make your presence known in this room again"  
The male nurse tightened his hands into fists, Keith thought he was going to throw a swing at Daehra, but instead stalked towards the door, muttering how Shiro was going to hear about this. Hunk looked deflated and possibly a little curious over why Keith was allowed to stay, yet didn't push the issue  
"I'll come back and see him at another time"  
That was all he said before leaving the three of them alone.

Closing the door, Lucteal stood in the doorway with his feet a shoulders width apart. Daehra moving to check Lance's monitors... and Keith was left to hover. He didn't like this. This silence. He wanted to break it. He wanted to be like Lance and know exactly what to say, only he wasn't like Lance, and he didn't want to interrupt Daehra due to his anxieties. When the woman finished checking the machines, she pulled out her holopad and began tapping away on it. It was no good. He couldn't take being quite  
"How are his readings?"  
"Not great. Not as bad as they were either. I would have liked for the coughing to have eased by now, but I do understand why an attack would lead to him passing out. Do you know what triggered it?"  
"The feeling of the mask"  
"Unfortunately he needs the mask on. Did he talk to you?"  
"Yeah, for a bit. He wasn't happy to be up here"  
"I know that, but with how rapidly the infection manifested in his lungs, I felt it better that he was. Was he coherent and able to follow conversation?"  
"Yeah. He kept up"  
"Good. That means there's a good chance that there's no permanent damage to his hearing"  
"His hearing?"  
Why was he only hearing about this now?  
"Both ears were damaged. Blood in the canals. How active was he? Did he move his right shoulder?"  
"Um... yeah... Daehra how is he really? Not the Shiro version or the Coran version, but yours?"  
"You know how stubborn he can be. I'm mostly concerned with his lungs. That and his stubbornness. He refused to take more than his daily doses for the pain, no matter how badly it hurts him. The coughing is most likely agitated by his sore ribs, and his sore ribs by the coughing. He has multiple abrasions. A tear in his right shoulder. A hairline break in the bones of his arm which has already begun to knit its self back together. His finger doesn't seem to be too bad given the damage. His left hand... is a mess. Coran explained that his pods will heal the wounds, but there may he heavy scarring to the hand given the damage. I have done the best I could for him. All I can do now is monitor him until he passes this infection so that they may repair the tear before placing him in a pod. Your Coran feared that given the damage has already tried to start healing it may heal wrong if he is simply placed straight in"  
"I know you would have... is there anything else I should know. They took samples from both of us..."  
"Lance mentioned as much. My scanner found bruising and tearing in his lower area... which Lance confirmed was from swabbing, as well as bruising from where a sample of his brain matter was taken. The needle was so strong it passed through the skull and into the brain with pinpoint accuracy. His bleed passed with no complications, and I am treating him with a natural anti-inflammatory for the internal swelling. Colleen Holt has been most kind with her herbs, allowing me to take what I needed from her grow rooms"  
"But... he's stable, right?"  
"Yes, provided he can avoid another attack. He was very insistent on not taking his daily doses, but he is stubborn at all the wrong times"  
Keith gave Lance a fond smile  
"He is. How are you doing?"  
"I have... been better. No one will inform us of what has happened. We are treated like outsiders"  
"I'm really sorry to hear that. Earthlings can we be... complicated"  
"I know that full well. That Veronica one is quite scary"  
"Yeah. But she's also the one Lance is closest to in the family. Kind of like you and Lucteal"  
"I know her words hurt him. It is not healthy for him to hold it all inside. I do wish he would explain things. I've only heard fragments referring to Kre'el and Lasandi"

Daehra and Lucteal both deserved the truth of things. Especially with how down Lance was  
"How about I explain things, then you let me look at Lance's charts"  
Daehra moved the holopad up as if torn what choice to make  
"I'll explain things from my point of view. That way I won't be telling you more than Lance would be comfortable with. Is that ok?"  
"Yes... His charts are as I have told you"  
"I don't doubt that. I just want to know how to help him the best I can"  
"I understand. Please, tell us all you know"

When Shiro finally got around to taking his statement, he'd have to go through it all again anyway. At least by telling Daehra and Lucteal the truth, he could work out the spots in his memory he was missing, and his own questions for his brother. There was protocol. Shiro couldn't just be wormholing all over the universe without permission. And just because Kre'el was captured didn't mean her criminal empire was magically snuffed out in the blink of an eye. Limping back to his lover, Daehra moved the visitor's chair to Lance's left side for him, glaring at his leg that was supposed to be elevated. Yeah, he was as bad as his husband, and she knew it. Lifting his leg onto the edge of the bed, she scowled  
"You need to rest this. I do not need you falling ill. I have him to think of as it is. Now, tell us how this pertains to our friends..."


	39. Chapter 39

Lance wasn't doing ok. Physically he was getting better, but as the infection in his chest cleared around the two and a half movements mark since the crash and now surgery loomed around the corner. The procedure wouldn't be performed on the Atlas, but instead on New Altea. Lance didn't want to leave so many things unanswered. He didn't want to be pushed aside and disregarded, which was exactly what felt like was happening. Keith was his main line with the outside world. Shiro dropped by from time to time, sometimes Curtis was with him and sometimes he was. Hunk had come by twice but was acting distant, unable to meet his eyes despite the fact he'd nearly crushed him in a hug as he cried his eyes out over being so worried about him. Shay had shyly come to enquire about his health and wish him well. Krolia had thanked him for his service and thanked him for getting Keith back home in one piece. Even Zak had ventured up to tell him he was an "idiot", but "an idiot that had done a good job". He knew Acxa and Keith's team had come by when he'd been napping, catching the tail end of the four of them talking outside the door... So he didn't know why he felt so hollow inside.

Actually. He did. His fight with Veronica. His sister angered that he'd taken such measures without thinking of their family, and without consulting her about it. He couldn't admit the truth of what happened with Klearo to her. He couldn't admit that he'd fucked up from the very beginning then was tricked by someone who he looked up to. Veronica had basically insinuated that he was a burden, who didn't know what he was doing and should have stayed on Earth. She didn't get it. She didn't get to him that being a "burden" was his greatest fear. She didn't get that his drug and alcohol abuse had steadily grown worse, or understand the way he wrecked their family with his mere presence. Keith tried his hardest to help him through his moods and panic attacks, but he felt like he was shackling Keith down with his depression. Keith who still treated him like he was the most treasured person in existence. Keith who said they'd work things out... then left things in the air. It wasn't like he wanted to talk to the ship's councillor... but when they didn't come by his room, he had to wonder if Keith wasn't secretly enjoying him being so messed. The disgusting thought left him unable to look his boyfriend's way for vargas, ultimately serving to hurt Keith when he hadn't done anything wrong.

Which he wasn't.

Shiro's actions had told him that. No. It wasn't fair to blame Shiro. Keith had desperately needed the healing pod, and Lance couldn't be more relieved that his boyfriend had been healed. He just... felt... insignificant. No matter how he sat or laid, some part of his body hurt. He missed eating real food, being stuck on a liquid diet until after the surgery. He missed being able to move around, and shower unaided. Keith had been granted permission to help him shower. Each of the sticky sensor pads had left bruised behind after pealed off his tender skin. He was losing weight again, and losing his drive. He wasn't ok, and was only getting worse as he was kept waiting, unable to feel like he was being punished for getting Keith in harms way, by not being healed. 

He got that the Atlas couldn't leave it's orbit over the Altean ship while the investigation was on going, but didn't get why Shiro didn't open a wormhole to New Altea so that he could be put in a pod. Being comatose for a phoeb or three sounded ideal when compared to sitting in a very uncomfortable hospital bed, or trapped in his nightmares all night long thanks to the sedatives Daehra had prescribed to help him sleep through his nightly coughing fits. Lance didn't want to take more drugs. The more he craved them, the more he tried to push them away. He knew it was dangerous to fall back into his bad habits, but these new ones were working for him. They weren't filling up that hole in his heart from being unwanted, or easing the guilt he felt from relying on Keith. Quintant after quintant he was left laying there as it blurred together. To him it was like being left that cell all over again. He was constantly waiting to wake up and find himself being dragged out to Klearo's bed. Or to wake up and find himself still in the outpost, with Keith having been stolen away and cut to pieces.

He wasn't stupid. He knew there had to be a network of connections when it came to Kre'el. She was just one woman... A woman he wanted answers from. A woman who'd lied to him so seamlessly and easily that the thought of her made him feel physically ill. None of these symptoms were going to clear before he was forced off the Atlas. Shiro probably didn't want him to ever return. He probably didn't want him anywhere near his team, and it didn't matter how illogical the arguments were for why that was so, his anxieties had him wrapped around their little finger. Shiro wouldn't haven't jumped in to help him, had it been him alone. He knew it. Like really knew it. The voice in his head whispered it over and over, never a kind word directed his way. He was his own worst enemy. With each quintant that passed, he was sure he was moving that much closer to insanity... Sure he was slipping away from the most wonderful boyfriend a guy could ask for. He didn't want to tie Keith down with his mental health issues. He didn't want to keep having panic attacks out of nowhere, and dreams he couldn't wake from. He wanted to be strong for Keith, but had no idea where to begin.

 

*  
With his arms loaded up with bedding from the Telula and a treat from Hunk, Keith was running late. Daehra was on "Lance Duty" for the morning, his panic attacks so bad that Keith didn't want him left alone. He honestly feared for Lance hurting himself without realising he'd done it, or even worse, being caught up in a flashback and lashing out against someone he loved. Neither of them were really happy about Lance being transferred off the Atlas and out to New Altean, without answers. Lance was going through so much and taking him away without giving him answers was cruel as hell. His boyfriend wasn't reacting well to the news, hence why he'd dropped down to the kitchen to see if Hunk had something chocolaty to lift his spirits, then it was down to the Telula to get Lance a nicer blanket than the one on his hospital bed, back up to the kitchen to collect two chocolate milkshakes that looked like everything Lance wasn't supposed to be having. Lance's was packed with extra vitamins and minerals, but Keith had forgotten which one was which. His mind too busy. With Daehra and Lucteal, who was acting like Lance's personal bodyguard and limiting access to Lance's room, he knew he had the time to rustle up his surprise after a quick check up to make sure his ankle was healed properly... only for Shiro to corner him just short of his end goal. The expression his brother wore could only mean trouble... 

Opening the door to the room beside him, Shiro had planned to ambush him. The conveniently empty room said as much. Taking the milkshakes out of his hands, Shiro placed them down on the desk by the door, before crossing his arms and giving him his best "dad" look  
"Something you want to tell me?"  
"Uh? I was grabbing a blanket for Lance..."  
"Not about that. Well, about Lance, but something a little more pressing"  
"Not that I can think of..."  
Keith was confused. Shiro had that calm anger thing going on, like he was ready to snap, or turn on that disappointed tone. Personally Keith would prefer the violence, but knew Shiro would opt for disappointment because it hurt more. Reaching into his pocket, Shiro pulled out a small vial of shimmering red liquid. Keith's shock was written all over his face as he stared at the vial. Daehra wasn't stupid enough to just leave one laying around... and he had no idea how he was about to talk his way out of this. Opening his mouth, he made a weird kind of squeak before getting the words out  
"How did you get that?"  
"When Lance kept refusing painkillers, I watched over the camera footage from his room, and what do I see? I see Daehra injecting this into Lance's IV daily. I've had it analysed Keith"

This wasn't his secret to be telling... Shiro had no right putting him in this position  
"Do you want me to tell you what I found? Or should I have you tell me what I found?"  
"I... ugh..."  
"You what Keith? Do you know how dangerous this is! You've known about this for phoebs, haven't you!?"  
Keith wasn't sure how Shiro pulled off apocalyptic rage that sounded do disappointed. Shaking, he nearly dropped the blankets  
"What were you thinking?"  
"Lance..."  
"Lance what? Didn't want me to know? You should have known better. I told you how dangerous this stuff is. If he has a drug problem, you should have told me immediately. Do you know how dangerous this is? How addictive this is? Do you understand what kind of a situation you've put me in?"  
Tears rolled down Keith's face and dripped onto the blankets, unable to meet Shiro's eyes  
"Well, do you?"  
"Sh-Shiro... it's not what you think"  
"What I think is that Lance has a drug problem you've neglected to inform me of. Do you have any idea what kind of complications that this could have caused during his surgery?"  
"You don't understand..."  
"Then tell me!"

It'd been years since Keith had felt the fear that had his heart racing and his stomach flipping. The fear that came from parents or parental figures... dropping to squat, he buried his face in Lance's blanket, breathing in his scent as he tried to calm down  
"Then I'll go ask him..."  
"No!"  
"Then start talking. Does Coran know? Is this the secret you've all been hiding from me?"  
Keith shook his head. Yes, it was a secret, but not that one  
"You don't understand... what he's been through"  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"I can't... Shiro... it's not my secret to tell"  
"I'm sick of hearing that. This stuff could kill him. Is that what you want? Lance dead?"

Falling back onto his arse, Keith shook his head  
"He could have died on the operating table"  
"Shut up!"  
"Keith, tell me what's going on!"  
"They got him addicted to it! They kept him drugged up while they tortured him! We... he... we left him alone... he was doing everything he could to forget... we've been... working on... bringing him off of the drugs. He's been making progress... then this happened. He doesn't want to be dependant on them. He doesn't want to..."

Breaking down into sobs, Keith felt awful. Another precious secret gone up in flames because of him. Gulping for air, Keith hugged the blanket tighter as he rocked  
"We were working on this... he was getting better... you had no right..."  
"Keith..."  
"No! Don't you dare! Don't you dare... He's my husband, of course I knew about it. Of course I was helping him with. Of course he was trying to get past it... You have no idea how bad Earth was for him. He feels like he broke his whole fucking family... They kept him on this stuff... and... he doesn't want to be... he doesn't want to take them... that's why he wouldn't take more medication. He knows he has a problem, but you can't even trust him! You couldn't trust that Daehra understood. She didn't know how bad those injections were... not until... until after... I came. He couldn't cope, Shiro. He felt like none of us wanted him... he still doesn't feel wanted. This was his case and you're sending him away with no answers. He was working hard out here... only to be betrayed"

Angered, Keith didn't realise the slip of his tongue calling Lance his "husband". He couldn't stop crying  
"I don't want him to die... I don't want him to die... he's my whole fucking world... Coran... we... would have talked to him... not where you could find out. All he's wanted is your respect. He... can't see how amazing he is... because he feels so inferior to everyone..."  
Keith hiccuped  
"He's falling apart because of this... you don't know what it's been like for him..."  
"Lance could have reached out for help at any time"  
"No..."  
"Yes. He knows we would be there"  
"No he didn't!"  
"Keith, you need to calm down for me"  
"How can I do that!? You just accused me of wanting him dead!"  
"I..."  
Keith knew Shiro pushed because he worried for the pair of them, but that didn't mean anything. He'd well and truly crossed a line  
"I'm sorry. But you can understand how much of a shock this has been"  
"It wouldn't have been a shock if you could just trust people..."  
"He has a drug problem"  
"And we were dealing with it"  
"What if something had happened?"  
"Like what?"  
"Like he hurt someone when he was high"  
"It doesn't work like that. Lance doesn't get violent without a good reason"  
"Are you saying that as his partner or as his friend?"  
"Both. He's in so much pain all the time... we've been working so hard to get though things"  
"And that fight you had, where he left, was that to do with this?"  
Keith shook his head  
"That's between Lance and Krolia. As far as I know, she and he have talked"  
"You've still left me in a tough position"  
"It doesn't have to be. You're sending him away anyway..."  
"I'm not sending him away. I'm transferring him so he could have surgery and finally go into a pod"  
"Something you couldn't have done sooner? You couldn't have shipped Kre'el off to Altea?"  
"No. You know that as well as I do"  
"It feels like according to you, I know nothing. It's not my first time around drugs, Shiro. You know what those homes were like. You know you can't do jack shit to help anyone who doesn't want help. He asked for help"

Sighing, Shiro moved to squat down across him  
"You know I care about both of you. I'm just shocked that you didn't come to someone who was more experienced to get advice and help for him"  
"I talked to you. I talked to Coran. I talked to Krolia. I even talked to Lance's mum. But none of you could tell me what I needed to know. How could I betray his trust like that? He needs safety and stability. He needed to get his feet back under him"  
"I'm proud of you for trying to help him, but you're not trained in these kinds of things. Frankly I don't know if I can continue to let Daehra treat him when she's been giving him such a dangerous substance. I love you both, and all I want is the best for Lance, but you understand that these secrets aren't helping him, or helping me to figure out how to help him"  
"Shiro... please..."  
"We're both going to have a little talk with Lance about this"  
"You can't"

Keith's heart was breaking. Lance was going to be torn apart by this. He was already depressed as it was. The conversations they did have were never about what happened, Lance steering away from the topic every time they nudged it. If they weren't talking, Lance wanted to cuddle... but his husband would stay silent for vargas at an end. He'd been so focused on getting Lance through the surgery and then into some kind of counselling and help like he'd asked for that he hadn't foreseen this kind of a speed bump.

 

Carrying the two milkshakes with shaky hands, Shiro had plucked the blanket out his hold as the pair walked into Lance's room. Lucteal had practically glared at Shiro, acting like he didn't want to allow them access to Lance's room. And quiznak if Keith wished he hadn't. Sitting up in his bed, Lance's face brightened up at the sight of him, before falling as Shiro followed into the space   
"Babe... have you been crying?"  
Stupid Lance, seeing right through him even when he was trying to hold it all. Shaking harder, Keith barely made it to Lance's left side, placing the milkshakes down on a rather expensive looking machine that was off  
"It's ok, babe. I'm ok. Daehra, can you give the three of us a little space?"  
"She should..."  
"Shiro, trust me on this. Daehra, it's ok. We just need to talk to Lance about something"  
Daehra's eyes flicked to the IV bag, her empathic senses probably knowing what this was about  
"Lucteal and I will be right outside"  
Nodding, Lance seemed to retreat further into himself   
"Why don't you two go rest? I have a feeling this isn't going to be all that fun, so I'm already scheduling my after scowling nap. I've already had it all from Veronica, so we might as well get Shiro off the list too"  
"Alright, I understand. Keith, you know what to monitor for?"  
Avoiding Lance's gaze, Keith jumped at Daehra's question   
"Uh... yeah. Go ahead"  
"Please do not upset him further. He has been through quite a lot. A lot of which you would not understand"  
There was no settling the silent thing going on between Daehra, Lucteal and Shiro. He'd hoped for Lance's sake the would have patched up their differences over the past three movements, but that remained a big fat nope. 

Leaving the room, the three of them were left with a few very pregnant moments silence passing between them. Keith couldn't take knowing what was coming. He'd very nearly avoided a panic of his own under Shiro's words. Lance seemed to know whatever was going on wasn't something he wanted to talk about, and Shiro... had flicked out the blanket and was now laying it over Lance's bed. Which was supposed to be his job. He didn't want Shiro's stupid scent on his boyfriend's sheets  
"What is this about? Can you just spit it out already? Did you get data off the ship from the samples? Is that it?"  
Lance let out a dry laughed before continuing   
"So what are you here to laugh at me about? The drugs or what Allura did to my body? Or is it the torture? I had the feeling they filmed it... Maybe... How I fucked up and nearly got Keith killed? There's few things that make Keith cry, and with how guilty he looks, it's not something small"

Keith wanted to tell Lance to shut up. His tone hurt to hear, as did him exposing all his secrets to Shiro... He hadn't thought about the fact their sample data may still exist with the outpost being destroyed, but it made sense to him that the data would have been sent on before the scene of their crimes were erased. From how Kre'el opened a wormhole, their had to be a secondary location she'd had in mind. 

Pulling the vial from his pocket again, Shiro held it up for Lance to see  
"You told him?"  
There was that disappointment again... this time from Lance   
"Keith didn't tell me. When you refused pain medication, I examined the video from this room. For privacy I had the sound turned off, but for security I left the cameras on given the prisoners we have onboard from the ship and from the mining moon the ship crashed on"  
Lance let out a small "oh" as he nodded  
"So you know I'm a drug addict?"  
"Keith told me how it happened. That they drugged you during torture?"  
"Yep. Can't just quit the stuff because it'll shut down my body if I do"  
Keith shifted, he didn't want Lance to hate him. He knew Shiro was only being so hard because he cared, but... he didn't know what to do or say in this moment   
"Lance... I'm sorry this happened to you, but why didn't you tell any of us? We could have gotten you help sooner. This could have seriously complicated your surgery. We nearly lost you... we all nearly lost you"  
Crossing his arms, Lance huffed  
"Geez Shiro, why would any want to brag that they were addicted to drugs. That I needed them to get through the fucking day. Let me just casually drop that into a group call. Hey guys, guess what? I'm a fucking druggy who's fucked in the head. Even got that touch of brain damage to prove it. Yeah. Because it's that fucking easy when you were enjoying your lives without me. Also, I heard you. I heard you yelling at Keith. I think the whole fucking floor heard you yelling at him. If you've got a problem with me, then you talk to me. You don't sneak around stealing things from my ship, and you especially don't take it out on Keith when he has been trying his hardest to get me off them. I know you worry for him, but he's the same damn age as when you went missing off Pluto. I don't want you fighting or yelling because of some waste of space like I am"

"Lance, that's not what I think at all..."  
"Babe, no. No, you're not a waste of space"

Their words overlapped. Keith could understand Lance lashing out. A tiny bit maybe even pleased that his boyfriend had scolded Shiro for yelling at him  
"Lance, when I saw you on that ship, cradled in Coran's arms I realised how close we'd come to losing you. I couldn't pull Keith out the healing pod... and I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do now. I'm honestly scared for you. Scared that this could lead to you dying. And I'm scared of Keith being dragged into a situation like he did in those foster homes. There's safer ways to come off of the drugs. I know you rely on Keith, but I'm worried about the strain it'll cause on both of you"

"Shiro, I'm not a kid. Not anymore. I appreciate that you came at Keith's message, and I appreciate what you've done for both of us. But this, isn't your problem. That's why you're not listed as my next of kin and Keith is in charge of my medical decisions. You should forget you saw this. It's being handled"

Shiro was trying. Keith knew he was trying. He still held that anger from being kept out of the loop on this, but he was trying in his own way to make Lance see that he wanted to be there for him. Raising his head, he swallowed hard at the expression on Lance's face. It was getting too much for him  
"I can't forget something like this Lance. And pushing it aside isn't going to help. I care about you. Please rely on me. Please let me help you. I want to help you"  
"I know! You weren't supposed to know! We were working on it... weren't we?"

Red-rimmed eyes looked to Keith for comfort. A hand shyly moving to pat the space next to him. Forcing himself forward, Keith climbed up into the bed, Lance curling into him as he held him tightly, nuzzling into the soft curve of the Cuban's neck as pained scent poured from his love. Shaking, his emotions were bubbling up, the dam breaking as he cried softly  
"We were, baby. We are. You've done so good. I'm so sorry... I didn't want... I didn't want to tell another secret"  
"No... shhh, I understand. I'm sorry... I'm not strong enough to..."  
"You are strong. So strong..."  
Shifting Lance's legs up and between his, Keith positioned Lance so he was leaning against his chest. The angle better for Lance's lungs   
"I want to die... I'm so tired... of being disappointment"  
"When we get to Altean, we're going to get some help. I'm not going anywhere"  
"It's so busy in my head... I crave it so badly..."  
"I know"

Because he did. Lance didn't need to spend vargas explaining himself. He got it. He wasn't oblivious to the physical pain... but Lance was working so hard at being clean of everything he could be clean of. Working so hard not to keep falling apart and to find a way to keep breathing... despite what he might think or how he might act  
"I thought you forget... no... no one came to... to talk to me"  
"You thought I forgot you need help? I thought it might be easier on New Altea. Away from here"  
"I don't want to leave with everything how it is"  
"I know"  
"I don't know how long I'll be the in pod... I hate them. I hate them so much... I don't want to wake up. I don't want to... miss more time"  
"Babe, I'm not going anywhere. We're accidental married remember. I can't let someone swoop in and whoo my husband out from under me"  
Lance gave him a wet laugh that sounded like music to Keith's ears  
"Never. Never... no one but you"

They'd forgotten they had an audience. Both of them crying softly as they nuzzled, seeking comfort from the person they loved the most.

"I... should be going then... Lance, I want to help you. So think about it, please. Anything I can do... I respect you. And I respect what you went through. I know Daehra doesn't like me, but your team... you've got a pretty amazing team. You're a good leader. I was wrong. It was wrong of me to think I understood things better than you did. Especially out in this area of space. The work you did here, it made a real difference. And you should be proud of that. I'm sorry for ambushing you over this. We nearly lost you and I didn't want to lose you to something like this... something that I could be there for..."

Sniffling and hiccuping, Lance was the kindest soul he knew. Touches had been setting him off, as had certain smells, but reaching out his busted arm, he bit his lip at pain as he waved Shiro into a hug. Shiro hugging into Keith more than Lance, most probably out of respect. Sniffling as his eyes grew wet, Shiro was just as bad as the two of them  
"So, accidental husband's?"  
Lance let out a laugh   
"We... didn't know we were getting married at the time. There was this alien princess who stood had us stand in this gold ring and drink this horrible wine stuff..."  
Kissing Lance's cheek, Keith nodded  
"It was Daehra's little sister Annla. We got married on their planet before we came back for Hunk and Shay's engagement party. We're still working us out... but yeah, accidentally married the best guy in the universe"  
"You mean the only guy who could love your mullet"  
"It's not a mullet"  
"You could grow it down to your arse and it'll always be a mullet"

"That's it. If I stay with the pair of you any longer, I'm going to catch your idiocy. Lance... please, even if it's Coran. Let him in?"  
"Coran... knows most of it... not... not all of it... but he knows most of it"  
What Coran did know, Keith didn't. They'd talked before Lance had developed the secondary infection and a little after, privately  
"That's a really good start. I'm sorry I came down so hard on both of you. You're both like brothers to me"  
"Thank you, Shiro. And can you keep the whole marriage thing a secret? Hunk would kill me. He already tried to kick me out when Lance was having a panic attack"  
Lance didn't respond. Shiro didn't seem to notice as he detached from the hug and passed over the two very melted milkshakes. Giving Keith's shoulder on last pat, his brother left them.

When the door to his room closed, Lance let out a groan  
"Babe?"  
"I fucking hate this"  
"What?"  
"He apologised and I know I should feel better or some shit, but I don't know how to feel. I've been so fucking mad at him. He said it was for security but I feel like it was because I'm such a fuck up... I don't even know if he would have come and got me... and... Kre'el... why not transfer her? How's their investigation going? Have they been to Erathus? I feel like... like he can't trust me with any of it... I have... so many... I didn't want to burden you... I..."  
Lance's breathing was becoming uneven. Rubbing his back with his free hand, Keith sighed softly   
"No, babe. No. I don't know what Shiro is doing, or why he's running things like that, but there's so many things happening at the moment. I don't doubt he cares for you"  
"It's... hard to let anyone else in. I feel so weak"  
"I promise you, secret husband of mine, you're strong as hell"  
"I take it you're the one who let it slip?"  
"I'm sorry. Shiro... he brought up some feelings I haven't really dealt with properly. From my time in the system... you know, that disappointed tone that only parents can give"  
"I'm so sorry, babe. I heard him... and I didn't understand it all. How did he even get the vial?"  
"I don't know. He shouldn't have called us out like that. It's none of his business"  
"He's your brother. He's worried for you. Especially after what you went through in the system. God. I wish I could back in time and met you sooner. I wish I hadn't picked so many fights with you... I hate that you went through that"  
"I hate that you're still suffering"  
"You're suffering too. I don't like bringing all these memories back for you either. Do you maybe want to tell me?"

No. Hell no. Lance was down on himself as it was. Hearing Keith's messed up childhood was the last thing he needed... So why wasn't that what came out?

"Only if you want to listen"  
What. No. Lance didn't need to put up with him continuing to cry just because Shiro hit too close to home   
"Keith, I want to know everything about you... when you're ready. Not when Shiro has scared the quiznak out of you. I can smell your fear all over you. Don't push yourself"  
Keith let out a deep breath of relief, Lance smacking him playfully with his milkshake   
"It's not that I don't want to tell you"  
"You'll tell me when you're ready. Believe me, as the messed up one, I get it. Can we finish these then can you help me shower, Daehra won't let shower alone? It's not Shiro's fault but his scent is setting me off"  
"I... don't like his scent on you either. We could skip the milkshakes?"  
Lance shook his head, clipping Keith's chin as he did in his enthusiasm. Cringing back, Lance frowned at him   
"You promised bed and chocolate... and I might be trying to hard right now not to start crying because you're being too nice to me"  
"You most definitely deserve me being nice. I know you didn't tell Shiro yourself, but you didn't run away and that was brave"  
Rolling his eyes at him, Keith was glad to see the sass   
"Do you ever like... get sick of being so disturbingly nice?"  
"When it comes to you, not really"  
"You're killing me here. None of my lines are as smooth as you"  
Waiting until Lance had raised the straw of his milkshake, Keith let himself smirk internally. If his accidental husband wanted him smooth, he was getting smooth  
"Maybe when we get to Altea, I can take you on a date? We could watch the sunset, just you and me?"  
Lance choked hard on his milkshake, the cold liquid spilling into Keith's crotch. Flailing and trying to escape the freezing feeling against his junk, both their milkshakes went everywhere. Lance laughing as hard as he was coughing. Keith left standing by his boyfriend's bed with his ruined sweat pants around his ankles. He'd been aiming for smooth, yet... this was so much nicer.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the big four-oh!... yep. I also shot past 45... so that happened..

Taking the Telula from the Atlas to New Altea, via direct wormhole, Lance had missed his girl. He was up on his feet and on crutches… after the wheelchair, they tried to stick him in mysteriously ended up taking a trip out the airlock at Lance’s earliest convenience. Crutches weren’t without their problems, like the way they irritated his shoulder and his even more fucked up left hand, but there was no way he was parting with them. He was out of the miserable medical room, and off the Atlas… A free man with the whole universe at his bare feet. Shoes were too much effort. Besides, what was the point of forcing himself into shoes when he was going straight to the hospital after they landed on Altea? Coran now knew about his drug problem… in detailish. Not just that the red liquid "helped with pain", but that it was a combination of medications he’d been using to cope. They’d talked a little when he’d seen Daehra giving him injections before he was moved up to the Atlas with that stupid chest infection. It would have only hurt Coran to know that he’d been raped repeatedly for vargas at a time, so he’d smoothly told him that they addicted him while torturing him, which was the real truth of it all. Coran had still cried. Wailed hard enough that the nursing staff on the floor had thought something was wrong and sent Keith in to investigate. Keith, who finally reunited with Kosmo. Kosmo having been in his mother’s care to keep him out of everyone’s way while both Lance and Keith recovered. Lance had suggested that Keith take him for a walk so he could rest without his head getting stupid again.

Landing the Telula in the area designated, Lance stared out at the splendour of New Altea, Allura’s statue glowing beneath the golden sun as a beacon of hope for all the planets inhabitants. Lance could find no hope in it. All he could find were bitter memories and reminders of how weak he was. Besides, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen enough of Allura since she died to have accepted she was never coming back. Turning away from the sight, Lance made his way forward on the crutches. It wasn’t like his legs were busted, or the pain between his legs hadn’t healed, he was simply too weak after spending four movements in bed to go far without support. If he’d asked, Keith would have been by his side in an instant, but he wanted to do this alone. He wanted to get up and move his body, feel the ache from his protesting wounds and tender sides. He wanted to feel something more than a patient and a burden…  
“Are you ready, my boy?”  
Nodding at Coran, Lance moved on. Steps were a bit of bitch, but again, he stubbornly wanted to do things himself. He’d been forced to rely on everyone around him for far too long. All of this… “Voltron family thing” wasn’t him anymore. So while he’d racked up a debt to Shiro that he had no idea how to ever payback, he wasn’t able to mend any bridges between him and Hunk. Or Shay… and definitely not with Keith’s team. When the initial upset of having Shiro invade his privacy had faded with laughter and a shower with the most amazing man he’d ever met, had passed, it’d all reared its angry head again when he had time to process it all. The fact that Shiro had sent someone to go through his things, his private things, and his ship, make him feel violated all over again. The Telula was his sanctuary. His safe space. The troubles of constantly living in fear of someone who’d raped him magically still being alive and after him, faded away when he was in his quarters. He knew his ship. He knew she’d protect him, like a lion of his making. Now he had to live with the knowledge she’d been violated too. People wouldn’t understand if he told him. To them, she was just a hulking lump of metal and wires, but to him… she was as good as any flesh and blood person. She’d seen him, night after night, as he cried. She’d listened to him venting over and over, caught his fist when it all became too much and snapped, and helped him build a new family against the evils of the space they shared. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t the newest or fastest ship out there, because he wasn’t the smartest or greatest commander. He loved her for all she was.

 

Leaning heavily on his crutches, Lance decided that going down the ramp was definitely worse than going down the stairs, especially when your boyfriend had a solid bite on his bottom lip and a worried gaze the whole time. How was he supposed to regain strength and all that, if everyone kept doing things for him? He would have felt a tiny bit proud of himself for making it down if Keith hadn’t moved to wrap an arm around his waist the moment the tips of the crutches touched the gravel of the landing area. Staring at his feet, he ignored the feelings of eyes on him. His gaze slowly shifting up to his left hand, which felt like it’d started bleeding again. Like the stupid idiot he was, he’d had a panic attack in the shower, slipping and smacking his left hand into the white tiles… all because he’d heard the steps of one of the nurses delivering something for him and Keith to eat. It had not been his finest varga. He’d lost it completely, backhanded Keith, then torn out the cannula from the back of his within a few ticks of slipping. His little finger taking the worst of the damage as he wanted the feeling around his wrist to vanish, and yanked the bandages too hard. After being cleaned up by Daehra, he’d decided his left hand was as good as dead to him for betraying him and not healing fast enough for his own liking… or like it previously would have, had he not turned himself into a walking wound.

“Mijo!”

Jolting at the familiar voice, Keith leaned in to whisper  
“Your mother’s here…”  
She was what now? No one had told him about this… Why had they even bothered too? He was supposed to be going straight into surgery, then into a pod, then disappearing in the middle of the night so he could go find out more about those connected to Kre'el. Shiro might have benched him, but that didn’t mean he was giving up on finding out answers for himself. He had but a few ticks before his mother was wrapping her arms around him  
“Mami?”  
“Oh, my baby. Why didn’t you tell me how badly injured you were?”  
“Mami…”  
“Veronica let me know all about you being transferred out here for surgery… Your poor shoulder. Your poor hand… oh, my baby boy”  
Standing stock-still, Lance felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was making her worry again. He didn’t want her to worry. He didn’t want to tear his family apart again  
“Mrs…”  
Releasing him, Lance’s mother drew Keith into a firm hug  
“None of that, call me mami. It must have been so awful for you too, my dear boy. Thank you for getting my Lance out of there”  
“Uh… um… Lance was the one who saved me… it's my fault he was injured”  
Keith stuttered out his reply, obviously not knowing how to accept the hug from his mother-in-law  
“Veronica told me how you made those calls. I don’t know what that Kolivan was thinking, not sending help immediately”  
“There was a miscommunication. Because the address for the comms was unknown, he wasn’t able to confirm it wasn’t a trap for other Blade operatives. And I don’t know what Veronica said, but it was Lance who saved us. He got me out of my cuffs and helped me subdue our captors. It was him who took their comms, and him who stopped us from ending up in the middle of nowhere with a psychopath… I only wish I’d been stronger…”  
Releasing Keith, his mother looked to him  
“You did that? You saved both of you?”  
Hesitantly, Lance nodded  
“Oh, Mijo… you’ve always been reckless and impulsive, but you’ve always known the right thing to do. I might not understand the details, but you did a good job, my son. We can discuss your grounding once you’ve been through your operation…”

Dabbing at his eyes, his mother’s words didn’t feel real. He’d done a “good job”. He. The man who kept fucking up. The one Veronica thought a burden… had done a “good job”  
“He did more than a good job. He saved a lot of people with his actions”  
“Spoken like a proud boyfriend. You two did finally…”  
Lance spluttered, his cheeks dusting red  
“Oh my god, mami! You can’t just ask that”  
“Why not? It is so good to see you with someone who treasures you for who you are. You’ve always had such a kind heart, despite your antics. I can’t say I approve such dangerous work, but I do sleep easier knowing Keith is there with you”  
This was a dream. He was freaking dreaming. He’d probably fallen down the ramp and smacked his head or something  
“And what have I told you about taking our Lord’s name in vain”  
Nope. Not a dream. At least not at she smacked his arm lightly, and scolded him over saying “god” like that  
“Sorry, mami”  
“That’s better. I’m sorry, Coran. You must be tired from dealing with these two. Both as bad as each other from what Veronica tells me”  
“Keith isn’t as bad as Acxa. She’s just upset that she’s not the only one in the family dating someone part Galra”  
“She’s quite taken by Acxa, but I didn’t know it was all official. She didn’t mention that they were finally dating. They’re as bad as you two”  
Keith laughed. Both Lance and his mother looking to him for an explanation  
“You totally dobbed your sister in”  
Lance huffed. It was the same at all  
“So what? She apparently gives running reports to our mother. At least she doesn’t know where dating”  
“That’s because we’re still working us out before we make everything official. Though with the number of people in on the secret, I’m sure it’ll be everywhere in no time”

Clearing his throat, Coran bowed towards Lance’s mother  
“It’s an honour to see you again. I’m afraid it seems Altea is to blame for all of this. Lance and Keith were both very brave and carried out there mission with courage”  
“That’s good to hear. We do worry for them both. Oh dear me, Lance. Should you really be on crutches?”  
“No, he’s supposed to be in a wheelchair…”  
Lance elbowed Keith harder than he intended  
“Dobber”  
“I’m not the one who put the wheelchair out the airlock. Don’t think I don’t know what you did”  
Lance gaped, before quickly recovering  
“I was setting it free. You know, releasing it back to the wild. It’s happier out there”  
“It’s happier, or you’re happier?”  
“Can’t it be both? I’m fine on the crutches. I hurt my arm and my hand, not my legs”  
Lance’s mother gave a light laugh, Coran gave more of a nervous chuckle  
“We really should be heading in to the medical centre”  
“It’s ok if you’ve got things to do Coran, I know where it is. Plus, someone needs to show my team around. Daehra is particularly interested in Altea”  
“Are you sure, my boy?”  
“I’ll be fine. You already sent everything through ahead of time. Go tell Allura I’ll stop by to see her later”  
“Alright. Have them call me if there’s any trouble at all”  
“I will”

 

Hobbling away with Keith on one side and his mother on the other, Keith shook his head at him  
“You totally threw Daehra under the bus just now”  
“I don’t know what you mean”  
“I didn’t hear her say anything on the trip here”  
“That’s because she was in shock. Trust me. She’s internally nerding out. Plus, I’m hoping Coran will have something to keep Zak busy. I don’t my girl blowing up”  
“Always the schemer”  
“When it comes to escaping being smothered. Speaking of which, what else did Veronica tell you?”  
Looking to his mother, his mother sighed at him  
“She’s just worried about you”  
“No. She’s being nosy”  
“You were hurt”  
“And? Did she tell you we had a fight? That she wants me to come back home and stop getting in the way?”  
“Not in so many words…”  
Veronica was definitely off the Christmas card list this year  
“She worries for you”  
“There’s worrying and then there’s treating someone like they don’t know how to do their job. The only reason she’s got to be cranky is the whole heap of bad guys we dropped in their lap”  
“She said your nightmares came back”  
“Mami, it's fine. I mean, yeah. But I’m having less of them, and I’ve got Keith now. I’m not coming back home because Veronica says I have to. I’ll come back when I feel like I’m ready to. You understand that, don’t you?”  
“Unfortunately. You spent half your life looking up at the stars. I know how lonely you’ve been not being out here. I just wish you’d take more care”  
“I know, mami. But it’s not just me out here. The people my teams been helping are the like how Earth was under Galra control. They’re still scared. They don’t know how to help themselves or who to turn to. It feels good being out there”  
“It’s alright to help mijo, but you can’t help anyone if you’re dead”  
“I know, mami. I know. Keith’s been doing a good job keeping me alive”  
“I’m most grateful he has. Though I wish you’d fattened him up a bit. You’re too thin, my love”  
“I know. Space doesn’t have your delicious cooking”  
“Then you should come to Earth. Not to stay, if you don’t want to, but for a family dinner. Let your father meet Keith properly and let me cook for you”  
“Mami”  
“Don’t "mami” me in that tone. You always used to give me that tone when I was intruding"  
“Because you are. Everything’s been so busy, we haven’t had the time to just sit down and breathe. You know the moment Papi sees how strong Keith is, he’ll have him out there working”  
“Come now, Lance. Your father isn’t that bad. You’ve missed the junipers blooming, it was beautiful”

As if being back on New Altea wasn’t enough, now his mother was bringing up the junipers. As far as he was concerned, the whole lot could go up in flames. Not literally, of course. They were a source of income for his parents, who’s farm had been struggling before the invasion of Earth. He regretted planting so many, knowing that each plant he’d planted was a silent prayer for Allura to return. It didn’t sit right with him to be talking about it all in front of Keith. Keith was his future, and Allura was his past. That was how things needed to stay, and that was how he wanted things to stay. He was now with someone who understood him, all his bad points, who stood on their two feet and wouldn’t… hopefully wouldn’t leave him. If he’d loved Allura, then he had no words for the depth of love he felt for Keith… Keith who knew his dirtiest secrets, and stayed for some reason. He couldn’t quite believe it… part of him didn’t believe it, but it was easier to hide that now. It was easier when he was one there for Keith. To calm him. To soothe him with soft whispers after a nightmare. When Keith would get flustered over “not having the right words”. Things were easier when the focus wasn’t on him… and he felt equal in their relationship… or rather, not a useless burden like he was at the moment.

“That sounds nice. How are things on Earth? It’s been a while since I went back”  
“Busy. There’s still a lot of cleanup, and organisation of those migrating there permanently. Thanks to Veronica’s position on the Atlas, we’re still kept in the loop. I ran into Katie while I was waiting for my shuttle. She says "hello, and tells you to call more often”. Something about the both of you “flaking from Hunk’s party”?“  
"She doesn’t even remember Hunk’s party”  
Mumbling under his breath, Lance was grateful that Keith was covering for him by talking to his mother  
“What was that?”  
“Nothing, mami. Keith and I were there”  
“I know you were dear. Still, you all went through so much together. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can’t believe it”  
“It was a lot, but we couldn’t have made it through without Lance. You raised an amazing man”  
Lance blushed, his bare feet suddenly exceptionally interesting  
“I can’t take all the credit. Still, you must come for dinner. When you two are ready. Rachel will no doubt pester you. She has a had of riling Lance’s feathers. Then again, he’s always given as much as he’s gotten. There was this one time when she convinced him mud pies were real pies”  
Oh god. It was date night with Allura all over again  
“That might explain his love of mud mask”  
Noooo. Keith wasn’t allowed to join in with this  
“Guys. I’m right here”  
Leaning in, Keith kissed his cheek  
“I know, babe. But I’m not going anywhere, ever, so isn’t it better if I get along with your family?”  
Increasing his hobbling speed, Lance threw back over his shoulder  
“I hate both of you”  
Sharing a look, Keith and his mother seemed to instantly be on the same wavelength. For someone who couldn’t find the right words, Keith had managed to completely whoo his mother over… but then again, he knew they’d talked before… but how many times had Keith called her? Would it be weird if his accidental-husband was secretly best friends with his mother? Oh god… they both had more than on embarrassing story they could share… Even affectionately, he couldn’t handle it right now. His anxieties were starting to bubble up because it wasn’t like he was having surgery that damn day and was nervous as hell about that. Nope. As long as those two were content picking on him, he stood no chance.

*  
Almost the moment they reached the hospital reception, a nurse was ushering Lance into a wheelchair, a second carrying a holopad as they started walking somewhere. Keith had expected a wait. There were all kinds of aliens in the waiting room, even with Lance being scheduled, Keith felt like they were cutting the line or something… Lance’s mother seemed to think the same as she carried the crutches Lance had been using with a growingly worried look on her face. His boyfriend had grown quiet after he’d limped off in front of them. Keith hadn’t meant to overstep, he knew how anxious Lance was over the sudden arrival of his mother, he could smell wafting in the air and taste it on his tongue. Neither of them expected her to be there, but it wasn’t like they could simply send her home. She was Lance’s mother, and she was clearly worried for her son. Wanting to take the pressure of Lance, he’d stepped up the best he could, semi-terrified that she was going to yell at him for Lance’s injuries, thankfully she hadn’t… but the surgery was still to come.

“Alright Lance, we can take you straight through. Coran has sent through the data on your injuries. A few more scans and then we’ll be good to go”

What now? Blinking at his boyfriend, Lance was tugging on the fabric of the loose shirt he was wearing. His nerves getting the better of him  
“Sorry, do you mind if I come in with him?”  
The nurse looked down at the holopad  
“You’re listed here as his emergency contact and have been given authorisation over his medical decisions. I’m sorry, but we can only bring one of you through”  
Hanging his head, Keith was sure that had to have hurt Lance’s mother to hear. They were acting like she wasn’t there at all. She should be there for her son. She’d probably worried herself sick night after night, after hearing Lance had been wounded, after disappearing again. Feeling a warm hand on his shoulder, Lance’s mother had a soft smile on her face  
“No need to feel guilty. Heaven knows you’ve been by his side out here”  
“You’re his mother…”  
“And he trusts you. This has been a traumatic time for both of you. Just make sure you let me know what’s going on”

“Between the scans and the surgery, am I going to get see both of them?”

Lance’s soft voice interrupted them. The nurse tapping on her holopad  
“Yes, for a few doboshes”  
“Then I’ll go for the scans alone please”

Lance’s mother’s expression told Keith she wanted to object  
“Mijo…”  
“Mami, it’ll be ok. It’s just scans. Why don’t you get Keith to call Veronica for you? So you can tell her you’ve arrived safely”  
“I’d rather someone be with you”  
“It’s only scans. We both know all they’re going to say is that my shoulder’s stuffed and needs operating on, then it’s off to the pod for my beauty sleep. It’s not like they’re going to steal my absurdly good looks while neither of you are looking”  
Keith groaned, but Lance’s mother gave a smile  
“Then you have to tell us both everything they say”  
“Yes, yes. Now, can we get this done?”

Keith felt like he should say something. Lance was nervous. What if he had a panic attack? Or the scans revealed something that Daehra hadn’t picked up. What if Lance was sicker than he was letting on? Or hurt worse than what they knew  
“Babe, are you sure? I don’t mind”  
“You two are as bad as each other. You’re making me nervous, everything will be fine… I love you two, so go away already”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes. You heard the nurse, scans, then a quick visit and off to surgery. There’s a plan”  
“Ok… I… uh, love you”  
“I love you too. Mami, can you make sure he doesn’t get too cranky while he’s waiting? He gets cranky when he has to wait”  
“If raising you lot hasn’t taught me the meaning of patience, nothing ever will. We’ll be waiting here for you”  
“Right. Let’s go!”  
Giving them a wave, Lance let himself be pushed off towards a set of white doors. The nurse with the holopad lingering  
“If you’d like to please wait in the waiting room, I will come and collect you once the scans are complete”

 

Lance was right, Keith hated waiting. Lance’s mother insisted that she didn’t need to check in with Veronica, before asking if he needed anything. A question she repeated half a dozen times as they waited. The half-Galra felt like he should be in there, his gaze firmly fixed in the direction of the hall they’d parted in. Though unfair to the Altean species, Keith couldn’t help it as he mentally blamed them for Lance’s trauma, wondering if relations to Kre'el existed on the planet. Each Altean could have been working for her… Each of the aliens in the waiting room could be working for one of her associates… Yes, he knew he was being ridiculous. His mind often jumped to worse case scenarios when forced to wait. He knew it stemmed from waiting for his father to come home, only to learn he was dead and that no one out there wanted him… The memories of standing in front of his father’s grave morphed with the idea of Lance being dead… His eyes tearing as he was pulled into a warm hug that felt more comforting than he wanted to admit  
“Lance will cry if he sees those tears. My son will be fine”  
“I’m sorry. He’s right about this waiting thing. I’m not made for it”  
“Keith, can I ask you honestly, what happened out there? Did you catch the people who hurt my son? Who hurt both my sons?”  
Both her… oh… she meant him as well as Lance  
“Yeah. Yeah, we caught the person behind it all. He was… betrayed by a friend who wanted him for his Altean marks. He’s been pretty down because he’s been on bed rest instead of participating in the investigation…”  
“They hurt him?”  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… I was right there and I wasn’t enough for him…”  
“You stop that. Lance is hurting, but the look on his face when he looks at you. You mean the world to him. I know we’ve teased him his whole life, and I know he’s taken it upon himself to always be there to support others, but he’s let you. And I thank you for that. Allura was sweet, and very pretty, but after hearing everything that happened, I can’t help but feel she didn’t understand Lance as you do”  
“I don’t know what I’d do without him. I’m sorry. I’m not normally like this”  
Crying on a woman who was still pretty much a stranger… How lower could he get? Lance wasn’t going to die. Coran would have ensured Lance got the absolutely best care he could have. Lance’s mother patted his knee  
“You’re worried for him. I am too”  
“How are you so calm?”  
“I don’t know how much Lance has told you, but there’s always children in and out of our house. I can’t count the number of times it’s been trips down to the emergency room for something or other. We might not be on Earth, but I have no doubt Lance will be just fine”  
Keith nodded, sniffling lightly  
“You’re right. He’s going to be alright… As you said, it was a lot. And I’m still worried about him. I know it’s been hard on him after his fight with Veronica”  
“Veronica has loved Lance from the moment she first held him. Many times when he’d hurt himself playing as a kid, he’d go to her so I wouldn’t find out”  
“He did mention the pink slipper”  
Laughing, Lance’s mother rubbed his arm  
“He mentioned that?”  
“He says he still lives in fear of it”  
“Oh my… I doubt it’d have much effect on him these days. Veronica was at a loss when you were all missing. She didn’t believe he was dead, then when he returned, he held himself with the aura of someone who didn’t need to rely on others. He was our boy, our good boy, who missed watching growing into a man. I know she worried, I may not have helped there. Did he tell you how he was after Allura?”  
“Yeah… all of it”  
“So you know he had troubles?”  
“Yeah. We’re working through things. We had been until… our mission went sideways”  
“Then you know he is strong. All these fancy machines, he should be done before we even know it”  
Nodding, Keith had no idea how he was going to last through the surgery if he was this nervous right now. Lance probably would cry if he saw he’d been crying. He didn’t want Lance heading into surgery worrying about him  
“Is it ok… if we just stay like this for a little longer?”  
“Of course, my boy. You’re already part of the family”

 

The scans took roughly half a varga before they were finally called through to a white room where Lance was laying on an examination bed. His shirt had been swapped for a white gown that sat nestled under his right arm as to expose his shoulder, and everything below the waist was covered  
“Hey, guys. You’re just in time”  
Shoved forward by Lance’s mum, Keith stumbled over his feet as he made his way to Lance, taking his hand in his. Squeezing firmly, Lance met his eyes  
“You’ve been crying, Mullet. Don’t tell me you interrogating him”  
“No, your mum was really nice. What did they say about you?”  
“Oh… shoulder’s stuffed and they’re kind of amazed I’m still using it. It’s a pretty simple procedure, a varga at the most, then into the healing pod. They don’t know how long I’ll be in, until I’m actually in there”  
“So… nothing else major?”  
Keith asked, although he knew Lance wouldn’t answer anything more in-depth with his mother in the room  
“They’re going to tidy up my finger a little more… anything else will be healed up by the pod. There’s probably going to be a couple of scars, like this bad boy”

“Mijo, how did this happen?”  
With his eyes on Lance, Keith hadn’t heard his mother moving to stand just behind him  
“It was a blaster shot, only grazing. It got a little infected. Daehra took really good care of it. Stitched it up all by herself. It wasn’t her fault it got infected”  
The inch-long pink wound was mostly a scar now, with a small sliver of unhealed greeny scab in the middle of it  
“Of course. You and those guns. You do know you’re supposed to be shooting them, not being shot”  
“I know, mami. They’ll clean it up too. The rest of the scans were all ok. So you don’t need to worry. They're going to be here in a tick, so this is where you tell me you love me”  
Leaning in, Lance’s mother kissed the top of his head  
“I do, my boy. I’ll let you and Keith have a moment”  
“Thanks, mami. You should make the most of being on Altea. There’s supposed to be a day spa around you”  
“And what am I going to do there?”  
“Spoil yourself? You deserve it, mami. You came all this way, you should make the most of it while you can”  
“You know I’ve never needed anything fancy”  
“That’s why you need to take the chance. Plus, I’m sure you need the rest”  
“I will think about it”  
Lance beamed up at his mother  
“Good. I’ll see you really soon”  
“I hope so, mijo”

When the door to the room closed, Keith gently kissed Lance’s forehead  
“How did it really go?”  
“Alright. Daehra would love their scanners. If you thought hers were scarily intimate, you haven’t seen the ones here. They show you every single scar, and tell you how you got them”  
“Wow…”  
“Yeah… mami would have had a heart attack if she was there. Now, tell me why you’re crying?”  
“I wasn’t crying… much. I was just worried about you”  
“I’m fine… mostly. But you knew that”  
“Is there anything I should know, about your scans?”  
“I have amazingly high quintessence? And some scars and stuff… the pod won’t take them away”  
“You know I don’t mind your scars, don’t you?”  
Lance looked to his lap  
“I want to say I do… but I’m so fucking nervous… they’re going to knock me out for it… then into the pod… I… I’m scared I won’t wake up. Or if I do, you won’t be here”  
“Babe, no. You’re going to be fine. I promised you a date, remember. And your mum wants us to go to family dinner”  
“The scans…”  
Cupping Lance’s cheek, Keith rubbed at the soft skin under his thumb  
“Babe…”  
“They knew what had happened. There was some kind of scarring internally… apparently, I don’t heal as well as I think I do… or maybe it was because it happened before I really got into the drugs… that… yellow stuff mixed with the herbs speeds up my flow quintessence… which is already running faster than it should. That’s why I heal faster than I should. It’s not how it works on normal people. They… said it was fascinating…”  
Mumbling at him, Lance seemed to shrink before him. He suddenly seemed that much frailer than he’d realised  
“Babe, we’re going to get through this. You’re going to come through this surgery, then have your beauty nap in the pod. When you come out, we can have that bath together. Bubbles and all”  
Lance nuzzled into his touch, pressing a kiss to the heel of Keith’s palm  
“Thanks… I don’t feel that great about it. Knowing that I’m going to lose more time again…”  
“I know… I’m not going off-planet without you”  
“I’m really… fucking scared”

Leaning in, Keith kissed Lance gently. His hand still resting on Lance’s cheek as Lance drew in a shaky breath  
“I know. I know your mum being here wasn’t planned, but you did so good. She loves you, and I love you. We’re going to be here”  
“You… can go you know. If you have to, or if I’m going to be in for phoebs. I don’t want you to be stuck again”  
“I’m not stuck, and even if you think I am, I’m not”  
“But what if Shiro needs you?”  
“He can wait”  
“No. You should go if he does…”  
“Lance, I want to be there the moment that glass lid slides back. So you’re not waking up alone”  
Stealing another kiss, Keith was confused as Lance deepened it. Slowly it morphed into one of the deepest kisses they’d shared. If it wasn’t such a bittersweet moment, Keith would have been over the moon. Yet, he knew the kiss was Lance’s way of saying goodbye on the off chance something went wrong. Lance wasn’t ready for kisses like this. They were still working their way up to it. When the kiss came to an end, Keith rested his forehead against Lance’s, staring into his ridiculously blue eyes  
“You’re going to be fine. You’re going to come through this and you’re going to be fine. I love you, babe”  
“I love you, too. So much… so much, babe”  
“I know… I’m so proud of you”  
“I don’t feel like you should be”  
“Then it’s a good thing I can think for myself”  
“Someone has to be able to think. We’d be screwed otherwise”  
Nodding, Keith sighed softly  
“I wish I could trade places with you”  
“I’m glad it’s me, and not you. I couldn’t keep sane if something happened to you”  
“Since when have you been sane?”  
Lance let out a soft laugh  
“Touché…”

 

As the nurse had said, they only had a few moments to themselves before they came in to collect Lance for surgery. Walking by the side of the bed, Keith stayed as close to Lance as he could until he was told he couldn’t come through with them. Forced to stop, he watched Lance be wheeled away from him. His whole body shaking with fear that he wouldn’t see his husband again. Coming up behind him, Lance’s mother wrapped her arm around him  
“Come mijo. They will call us with news when there is news”  
“Yeah. You’re right. I don’t know what to do now”  
“We can wait in the waiting room, maybe you’d like to go for a walk?”  
“No. I’m not going anywhere until I know his surgery went alright”  
“Then would you like to humour this old lady, and get a cup of tea with me in the cafeteria”  
“You do know my mother’s much older than you, don’t you?”  
“Good answer. I’d like to know more about her if you’ll tell me”  
Bringing up his tragic past wasn’t appealing. He wanted to find somewhere to sink down and hide until Lance was out of the pod. Nodding glumly, he let Lance’s mother guide him. It was strange how close to Lance’s scents hers was, her entirely different at the same time… like something was wrong with it. She was calming and soothing in a “mum” way, but wasn’t what he wanted right now. This was going to be a long day.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day... it must be christmas?

Waking up in the pod, Lance was frozen to the bone. There was something weirdly disorienting about waking from a stint in a pod laying on your back and not falling into the arms of someone waiting. Groggy, he fought lightly against the hands pulling him up, strong arms lifting him off his feet... which felt like they weren't even there. With chattering teeth, his eyes slid shut again, awake but under protest. Being in the pod had been an endless loop of being stuck in the astral plane. Unable to escape the unending blackness, no one was there to comfort him or to tell him he hadn't died. Laid down on a bed, soft blankets were piled upon his shuddering frame, the warm arms turning into a warm body under the covers, holding him close as they rubbed his right arm. The quietness of the space began to fade, a soft hushing and gentle kisses against his hair drawing him away from sleep. Only one person would be this stupidly sweet. A soft kind of purr forming on his lips as he clumsily tried to hold him back. To reassure himself that Keith was really there. That he hadn't passed off to the astral plane and left his boyfriend alone. He hated when Keith cried. Nine times out of ten he was the reason Keith would weep, if not him then it was his boyfriend's nightmares, which usually involved him. Still shivering and shaking like a leaf, Lance slowly fell back to sleep, safe in Keith's arms.

 

It was another few vargas before he woke again. Keith still curled into him, a leg slung over Lance's waist with his warm breath spilling across Lance's neck. Craning slightly, Lance pressed a kiss to the soft black locks that tickled his shoulder and chest  
"He hasn't left your side"  
Yawning softly, Lance looked to his mother, eyes still heavy with sleep. Rising from her chair, she tucked his fringe back on the right side  
"Welcome back, mijo. You gave us all a scare"  
It was supposed to be a routine procedure. They'd shown him a video of it... His tongue felt thick and clumsy, his mouth dry. Unable to find the words, he frowned at his mother. She looked like exhaustion personified   
"You had a small bleed in the brain... it's all a little complicated, but you're alright. Keith has been worried sick. You were out for two week-movements"  
Lance's lips formed an "oh", his mother starting to fuss over the blankets covering him. They definitely weren't hospital blankets, they were too thick and fluffy, Keith had probably brought them up from the Telula. He also wasn't in a hospital bed... or a hospital room for that matter...  
"Water?"  
Rasping it out, his mother dropped the hem of the blanket immediately, a cold cup with a sharp straw appearing to poke him in the nose, before his mother bent it down so he could drink from it. Gulping greedily, it was taken away before he was ready   
"You'll make yourself sick of you drink too fast"  
Clearing his throat, Lance nodded, his attention shifting back to Keith. His anxieties had told him that man he loved would abandon him, yet here he was, glued to his side and snoring so perfectly.

"How was he?"  
"Worried for you. Coran had to have him removed from beside your pod so he'd rest..."  
"And you?"  
"You gave me a scare, but Coran assured me that you'd be coming out the pod just fine. How do you feel?"  
"Sleepy... warm. Thanks for looking out for him..."  
"He's a sweet boy. Refused to come back to Earth with me, but did ask me to pick up a few things for you while I was there"  
"You went back?"  
"Coran gave me an estimate on when you'd be out. You know your father, he'd fall apart without someone there to make sure dinner's on the table"  
Lance gave a snort that turned into a cough, Keith rousing from his sleep. With wide purple eyes, Lance was pulled even tighter against him. Patting his boyfriend's back, he realised that his left hand was still covered up. Something that was both scary and relieving. If something was wrong with it, he didn't want his mother to have to see. Tightening his hold further, Lance squeaked   
"Hey, hey... you're crushing me, Mullet"  
Loosening his hold minutely, Keith wasn't done   
"How do you feel? Do you need anything? You scared me, you dick"  
Patting Keith's back, Lance was ready to fall back to sleep again. He was cold, but where Keith was touching him was so warm he was sweating  
"'m ok. Sleepy... but ok. I can still feel everything. I know who you and mum are... the important things... how long have I been out?"  
"Mijo, don't you remember? You just asked"  
Lance was pretty sure he was entitled to some memory loss when he was still defrosting  
"Mean out of the pod..."  
"Oh, a few vargas now. Keith insisted on carrying you from the pod to this private room Coran organised"  
"It doesn't look like.... a hospital room"  
Yawning widely in the middle of his sentence, his mother patted his head  
"That's because it's in the staff quarters. Now you just get some more rest, I'll be right here when you wake up again"  
"Mmm... I don't think I have much choice in the matter. Keith, you should get some rest too, babe"  
"I'm alright. I got a few vargas"  
"Babe..."  
"Please let me stay... I really need to be with you..."  
He couldn't deny Keith anything when he was so soft and warm against him  
"Mmm... but you need to rest properly, and have something to eat..."  
"I'm fine, babe. Now that you're awake, I'm fine"  
"Mami, make sure he eats and rests... imma just gonna go back to sleep for a bit"

Settling back against him, Keith nuzzled into his neck as he finally loosened his hold. A hand lazily running up from his side to rest on his chest as he pressed a kiss to the curve of Lance's neck  
"I love you, baby. I don't just love you... I'm in love with you. Thank you for coming back to me"  
It was a secret whisper meant only for him. It was also the best wakeup he'd ever had when it came to coming out of a pod. Keith was such an adorable bastard.

 

*  
Spending most of the first quintant out the pod napping off and on, Lance was still sleepy when Coran came to check on them the following morning. His mother was off calling home to let them all know Lance was still doing alright, leaving Keith to snuggle up with his boyfriend as much as he liked. With Lance being tired of being so tired, he was sitting between Keith's legs, back against the half-Galra's hand as he tried not to fall asleep. Sleepy Lance was adorable... but unfortunately being so sleepy had also left Lance on edge. His left hand had become a no go zone, Keith respecting the fact Lance hadn't had a chance to see his hand yet, so hadn't pushed to see the wound left. It wasn't like he wanted to. When a worried Coran turned up in the waiting room, wringing his hands and unable to stand still, Keith had nearly burst into tears before he even knew what had happened. He still didn't know much, only that Lance had some kind of bleed in the brain while in surgery due to something abnormal in his head, and while it'd been treated, brain injuries were never something to take lightly.

With his face completely hidden by the mass of flowers in the bouquet he carried, Coran was doing that thing where he was smiling widely while his bottom lip wobbled threateningly. Carrying the flowers over, he placed them down into Lance's lap, before finally giving in and launching himself on Lance, crying softly. Patting Coran's back, Lance laughed softly   
"I've had enough from mami and Keith"  
"You gave us all quite the scare"  
Keith didn't need to see Lance's face to know Lance was rolling his eyes. He well and truly got it   
"I'm ok... I mean, I am ok, aren't I?"  
"Yes indeed, number three. Fit as... a fiddle!"  
Coran sounded proud to have got the saying right   
"See Keith, you can relax now"  
How was he supposed to relax? He hadn't been able to relax since Lance had wheeled off for surgery. He'd kind of made a nuisance of himself demanding answers anytime anyone checked the pod Lance was in  
"He was quite lost without you"  
"He made a pest of himself, didn't he?"  
Coran hummed, the man had never excelled at lying. Groaning loudly at the noise, Lance wriggled against him to face him  
"Please tell me you didn't break anything"  
"I didn't break anything important"  
He hadn't... broken anything much. Maybe a few coffee cups that came with everyone insisting he drink, eat and rest... Yeah. He was a wreck. A ball of anger that not having Lance by his side brought back to life. He'd even been dobbed into Shiro, and Kosmo had deserted him to trail around after Coran. He came back at night, which was a nice distraction, but the thought of brain damage just wouldn't leave his mind.  
Narrowing his eyes, Lance huffed before turning back to Coran who had taken a seat in the visitor's chair  
"Sooo. What's this scare all about?"

Unable to keep still, Coran took the flowers from Lance's lap, standing up again to find up a vase for them  
"Coran?"  
"Hang on my boy"  
Lance gave a frustrated groan  
"You can't tell me to hang on. I've been hanging on for the two movements. Mami said I bleed in my brain. Was it to do with the scarring there?"  
"No, no... I'm so sorry my boy"  
Lance tensed in his hold, his scent turning feared  
"Coran, you're freaking him out. The flowers can wait. What happened in there? You said it was an easy surgery. It was supposed to be an easy procedure. You said he'd be perfectly fine. So you need to explain to us what happened properly"  
"Yes. Yes... I'm sorry, you're right. I failed you. Young Miss Daehra and I both failed you"  
Daehra. Failed. Lance. Those three words didn't go together. She was almost fanatical about the health of her team, learning absolutely everything she could.

"Coran"  
Keith's tone held a gentle growl  
"As you say, you did suffer a bleed. A piece of alien technology was found in your brain, where the sample was supposed to have been taken from. Given it was organic, it wasn't picked up on Daehra's scanners. It was so small, it'd give the ice worms of Csadex 9 a run for their money"  
Lance was still tense, Keith couldn't brain him. The idea of having something in his brain that reminded Coran of worms was kind of revolting   
"There was what?"  
"A little tiny tracker. Started transmitting almost as soon as they got started. We got that pesky blighter, but couldn't remove it intact. We theorise that they implanted it while taking their samples"  
"Coran, not to burst your bubble here, but wouldn't it have started sooner? Like after it was put in? Or when we were on the Atlas?"  
Pulling forward, Lance drew his knees up as he did when upset   
"Well, my boy. We've never seen anything like it... We cannot confirm for sure that it was a tracker, but with how desperate they seemed for you, it is our most valid theory"  
"A theory that doesn't even make sense. I was on the Atlas for movements. I was around Altean tech on the Atlas. Plus, why didn't you guys pick it up with your scanners when we were on the prison ship?"  
"The Atlas has scramblers in place that prevent outgoing calls on unknown frequencies. You couldn't get a signal on that ship either. Maybe... it was so they could find us if we escaped"

By "us", Keith was trying to reassure Lance that wherever he went, he'd be with him. Lance wasn't having   
"It's fucking wrong, is what it is! Haven't they taken enough from me? Without putting something in my head, like I'm an intergalactic cat!"  
"Babe, you put a collar on a cat"  
"Yeah, or a GPS! Have you been scanned?"  
He'd been scanned on the Atlas. Nothing had shown up there... plus, he was more or less along for the ride. It was Lance they'd wanted all along. Clearing his throat, Coran tried to soothe Lance   
"Keith received medical treatment on the Atlas. No such device was found on or in him"  
Throwing his hands up, Lance turned to him  
"See, Keith. Like a freakin' cat. I can't believe they put something into my head. No. I can't believe that I can't believe that they'd do something like that"  
"It's out now. That's the main thing... Coran, how's his shoulder and... everything else?"

The "not related to his head" part went unsaid. Lance was going to be brooding on this and Keith had no idea what to say. Lance was right, they had taken so much from him. It wasn't fair they'd left one more surprise in store  
"Excellent. It's all excellent. All that's left is to sleep off the pod's effects. Your finger has healed, and any of those other lumps and bumps are history"  
"What about my other problem?"  
What other problem? There was something else going on? Coran looked as confused as Keith was  
"You know, the whole Allura changed my body thing. Let me guess, can't fix that in one of your fancy pods?"  
What was Lance getting angry at Coran for? Coran had worked his hardest at finding answers on the situation. No one but Allura could understand Allura's true intentions  
"Yes... well, we did some more scans. And watching you two, as well as taking into account your symptoms, I believe I have a clear idea of what she was hoping to accomplish"  
"Which was what? Turn me into fucking catnip for Galra?"  
"Not Galra, but one particular Galra. I believe she didn't want you to be alone after she passed. She knew you cared deeply for Keith, and Keith for you. I think she changed part of your quintessence so that you and Keith would be able to better understand each other. Things like your scent, you can read each other through it. And we all know how much family means to you"  
"So she fucked with my body, made me something less than I was so that Keith would want me?! Are you fucking kidding me? I told you those things in private. I let you in and told you what it's been like... and you can't do anything about it at all? Because of her... because of her, I..."  
"I believe..."  
"You "believe", you don't "know". Admit it. You have no idea why she turned me into a freak. You have no idea why I keep hallucinating her. You have no idea why I can fall pregnant now, do you? You don't. You don't know what it's been like... neither of you understands!"  
Yelling, Lance shimmied forward, climbing off the bed clumsily before "striding" over to the door  
"I want you both out"

Hang on. What had he done? Why was he getting kicked out? Neither what Coran had said, or what he had said should warrant such an action. Climbing out of bed, Keith moved to Lance's side  
"Babe..."  
"Don't "babe" me! Don't you get it, she changed me so that you would love me! She thought me so unlovable that she had to "fix" me. Can you say you loved me, before? Honestly loved me? Or is this fucked up body making you feel things because she changed it?!"  
"I told you I love you, even before I left to be with the Blades, I was falling in love with you! I don't get why you're yelling at both of us. Coran did the research. There were male Altean's who gave birth... Coran, tell him. He spent vargas researching ways to help you"  
Lance was shaking, Keith wanted to comfort him, but the look in his eyes said he might just lose it if someone was to touch him  
"I'm not Altean! I'm me. Just a nobody from Cuba! I want you to both leave"  
"Lance..."  
"I want to be alone"  
"Number three. I do have some..."  
"Please! Both of you, you don't get it! I want to be alone!... please"  
Dropping from a yell, Lance hit the door sensor pad  
"Babe..."  
"Keith, I don't want to yell at you, but I need space right now. Or I'm going to end up doing something very stupid-er. Ok. Take Kosmo for a walk... I need to think"  
"I don't think you should be alone right now"  
"Just get out!"  
"Babe..."  
"Please, please just go..."

Coran and Keith both sighed heavily to themselves as they left. The door sliding shut seemed to sound louder than normal. Placing his hand on Keith's shoulder, Coran let out another heavy sigh   
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset him"  
"You're not the one who upset him... Neither of us were. He's right... we don't understand everything he went through"  
"That doesn't mean we stop trying. I fear I put too much on his shoulders too soon"  
"I'm sorry he yelled at you"  
"It's ok, my boy. Why don't you go freshen up, take a walk as he suggested? I'm sure he'll no doubt be ready to apologise by the time you get back"  
Keith held a healthy level of respect for Coran, but couldn't say he wasn't furious at Lance. While he didn't want Coran angry with Lance, he didn't know how he could keep so cool and calm when being yelled at by someone he cared about so deeply   
"Thank you... those flowers were nice"  
"Picked them myself. Pop-pop made sure I knew all the "ins and outs" of design. Allura quite liked picking flowers near the castle..."  
Keith's heart gave an uncomfortable thump. It was hard knowing there was a massive statue of Allura right outside the hospital. Well, not right outside, but visible nonetheless. He didn't feel like Altea was really the right place for Lance to be recovering, so he'd brought all their blankets up to make Lance's room less Alteany. He wanted Lance to sleep off his discomfort in somewhere that wasn't sterile white walls... and somewhere they'd have space to talk privately... not that they'd talked. Lance was too sleepy and had grown tired of him repeatedly asking if he was alright  
"I'm sorry he snapped over Allura..."  
"No. He's confused. People he thought were friends did this to him. He has a right to his anger"  
"He doesn't have a right to snap at you. Even if he's hurting"  
"Thank you, Keith. I wish I knew how to help him more"  
"There are some things he needs to work out for himself, and he's willing to see a therapist. So that's a big step... waking up and finding everything out, I should have seen this coming"  
"No. You don't blame yourself either, young man. You've been wonderful with him... He's opened his heart to you. You've grown into a wonderful young man. Allura would be so happy to see the happiness between you"  
"It's not always happy"  
"No relationship ever is. All you can have is love and patience"  
"I'm not that great with the patience thing"  
"Nonsense. Now you go find that wolf of yours and get some air"  
"Yeah. I might go check on the Telula. Make sure everything is alright there. He'd kill me if I let something happen to his ship"  
Coran let him take the out, the man giving a firm squeeze before parting. Lance needed time and he needed to respect that... even if it felt like his heart was breaking. He'd loved him for so long, whereas Lance had only admitted he cared for him just a handful of phoebs ago. He was getting impatient again. He was forgetting that Lance also had to suffer waiting without news while Keith had been in the pod. Emotions were running high, and the best thing they could do was sit down and take a deep breath before something else came their way.

 

*  
Locking himself away in the bathroom closest to his room, Lance stripped off the hospital gown they'd stuck him, and the pants he'd had to beg to keep. He'd told his mother he wanted to nap, wanting to be alone which she ignored as she fussed over Coran's flowers. Not granting him a moment's peace before finally deciding he looked tired enough to sleep after not letting him get a word in all morning... Standing before the mirror in the room, his eyes roamed over his naked body. This was his body. Supposed to be his body... His body with all these new scars across it. Raising his left hand to reach for the scar on his right shoulder, he paused as he caught sight of it. Instead of red, or pink, scar tissue covering the back of it, it looked like an intricate series of cobweb strands. The skin between a few shades lighter than the caramel skin that covered the rest of him. It disgusted him. The memories of having his hand-ground beneath the officer's boot, like he was nothing. Was he really that bad? Throwing himself forward with fake bravado had been the only way he knew to survive... and this was surely karma at its finest.

Letting out a shaky breath, he turned his hand slowly to stare at the remains of his little finger. The skin having pulled together like it was natural not to have a little finger. The only proof that there was ever anything more there was the smallest of pink scars on the tip of it. He'd lost his finger... but he could have lost so much more. He could have lost Keith. He could have cost everyone everything with this... that stupid thing in his head. Why weren't they mad at him?

Tearing eyes turned to soft sobs, his hand shaking as he leaned towards the mirror to brush his fingers over the shaven area. It'd grown back a little while he'd been on bed rest, but they'd shaved it again. A small thin scar about a centimetre above his ear, and curving back slightly. They'd been in his brain. They'd been in his brain because Kre'el had put a damn tracker in his head...

Trailing his shaking fingers down his naked chest, he turned to look at the scars across his body. Scars he couldn't even name. Scars because he'd been trying so desperately to keep his head above water. Why had it been him? The Red Lion was all a farce. Why couldn't they have asked him for help? He would have helped... he would have done anything to take away the pain of being home and losing Allura. They didn't need to go this far. They didn't need to torture him. They didn't need to rip away that stupid romantic piece of himself over giving his virginity to someone who loved him as much as he loved them.

Twisting sideways, he stared at his back. The risen scars from poorly healed wounds. The beatings they'd give him for screaming. For fighting. For not behaving himself. Hell. Sometimes they'd done it just for fun... Why him? He tried to be a good person. He tried to help. He tried his hardest not to be a burden. Not to weigh everyone down. He was a people person... or he had been. God. He'd been so rude to Keith. He'd been so rude to Coran. They wanted to help him. They wanted the best for him. Keith was hurting badly enough as it was. Keith who'd loved him for years before he'd realised. Keith who worried himself to the point of self-implosion... Keith who was just as scared as he was of being left behind by those who loved him. He'd nearly died. He'd nearly died and left him behind. He didn't want to leave Keith behind... he didn't want to be this person, lashing out to hurt others. It never made him feel better... and it was never alright. But how could Keith love him? He was... he was all of this... This body. These scars... The man staring back at him... He'd been doing better. He'd been sure he was doing better... But was he? When was the last time he spent time with his team? The last time they had any real work? Or did anything they wanted to do? He'd been lost in Keith. In Keith ripping his emotions out and rebuilding him. His soft hands and gentle words... He didn't want to be this person. He wanted to be good for Keith. Keith who'd, for the lack of a better term, had "made love" to this body. Who wasn't disgusted that he got "periods" or got "wet"... Keith who accepted all of this better than he did.

Turning back, he lifted both hands to the bathroom sink. Small scars remained from the cuffs they'd forced on him. Were Keith's wrists scarred? Had he asked? He'd seen the small scar that remained from accidentally been stabbed by the handle of his own blade... Why had Keith scarred, while his broken skin had grown back lighter? His hands didn't even feel like his anymore. He felt as if he still belonged to "them"... He didn't want... He wanted Coran to have a magical cure. He knew how shameful his heat was. The need to be fucked senseless. To be filled and brought to completion until he whited out with pleasure... Keith had never seen him like that. What if it disgusted him? What if that was what drove him away? Keith was his stability. He loved him. He loved him... but some part of him scared of him. Scared of losing control again to drunk courage... to going too far in the moment and hurting himself. It'd felt good. So good to know what it was like to sleep with someone who cherished him... but he wasn't ready for it again. Learning Kre'el's truth brought it all crashing back, and he didn't have a strategy to deal with it all. He couldn't drink away his pain. He couldn't get so high that he felt like he was invincible. They were the wrong methods... but what were the right ones? Could they even fix him?

Placing his hands on his hips, he slid them down, shuddering at the touch so close to his groin where his dick laid limp, tucked up in his thin pubes as if trying to hide. Was this body really alright? Was it ok to touch himself? To give in to the soft caresses? He didn't like touching himself, even to shower. He wasn't sure if he'd been ok with Keith helping him shower, yet didn't know how to voice that when his boyfriend was bending over backwards to help him. He didn't know his boundaries anymore. He didn't know how to find them again. He needed help... He wanted to go back to Leandro. When Leandro was easy. When Leandro was all he had to be. All people expected him to be... Lance was so hard. Lance was exhausting. Lance was so many things to too many people. He just wanted to world to stand still. He wanted to feel like he could breathe. He wanted to scream it all out, but wherever he turned, someone was there. Someone to suffocate him with their love when he wanted to work things out in his head first. That's why he'd snapped at Coran and Keith. Their words grating as his sleep drugged mind tried to work out the meaning of their words. He was half a dobosh behind the conversation, and angry with himself for not being able to keep up. He'd been so horrible to both of them. But... they didn't get it. He'd been pregnant. A piece of them had been inside of him and he hadn't known it until it was... gone. Like this thing in his head... Coran didn't know... but Keith did... Keith knew what they did... 

Sliding his hands up to his stomach, he rubbed at the taunt skin. He'd been born male, and now he was... this. Was this ok? Wasn't he supposed to be somehow manipulating his quintessence without knowing it? Wasn't Coran supposed to be able to tell him how to control it? How to turn back to normal? A scream coming him before he could stop himself, fingertips digging into the sensitive flesh, his sobs turning hysterical as he sunk to kneel. He didn't want to be like this. Why couldn't he ever do anything right?

 

The door to the bathroom slip open, Lance still balling as Keith rushed to gather him up into his hold. Lance hiccuping in surprise as Keith held his face to his neck  
"They raped me! They raped me and left me like this!"  
"Shhh. I know baby, I know..."  
"They didn't listen... it hurt. It hurt and I couldn't... ugh... ugh..."  
"Shhh, I've got you, sweetheart  
Shaking his head, Keith didn't get it  
"They put it inside of me! They put it inside of me and I lost it... they didn't ask... they just did what they wanted... then they put... they put... they put that thing in my head... I can't do this... I'm... I don't know who I am anymore... not Lance... don't want to be Lance..."  
Tilting Lance's face back, Keith moved to cup his cheeks. Sad eyes met his tear-filled vision, all blotchy and out of focus but undeniably Keith's. He didn't want Keith to see him like this. Not when he was a ball of conflicting feelings, and not when sometimes you just needed to cry it out in peace   
"Fuck... oh, babe. I didn't think. I love you. I'm here for you. I'm here for you and I love you..."  
"I don't want to lose you, but I'm so scared they're coming! They're dead but... did I kill them all? Did... did they track me here? Are we going to see Altea fall again?!"  
"You're safe here. You're safe with me. You're safe"  
"I don't feel safe! They were in my head! They put something in me again, Keith! Something I didn't want!"  
"I know... I don't know what to say... but I'm listening. I'm listening to you"  
"I can't do this... I can't fix myself... I don't know how to... I'm so tired of them taking things from me"  
"I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry. What do you need?"  
Lance sniffled loudly, trying to calm himself down  
"Sh-shower"  
"You want to take a shower?"  
"Y-yes..."  
"Ok, I'll help you"  
Shaking his head, he didn't really want to be touched  
"Alone... shower alone..."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Need to... feel clean..."  
"You're exhausted, babe"  
"I want to shower alone... please. Please let me shower... please..."  
"Ok. Ok, shhhh. Do you want me to do anything?"  
He wasn't getting rid of Keith. Keith would hover no matter what he did  
"W-wait outside?"  
"Sure. Sure thing. I've got Kosmo with me, so you can cuddle with him if you want? He's missed you. He kept teleporting me back to the front of the hospital..."  
Nodding, Keith couldn't resist as he pulled him to stand as the half-Galra rose  
"I'll be right outside waiting"  
Lance blinked his vision mostly clear, the fuzzy bathroom sink was where his gaze fell  
"Ok..."  
"And don't worry about how long you take. Take as long as you need"


	42. Chapter 42

Sitting in the visitor's chair of Lance's private room, Keith was watching Lance sleep again. There'd been a definite shift in Lance's behaviour since the quintant in the bathroom. Touches had him jumpy, as did loud noises and long silences at night. His lover slept fitfully, only grabbing a handful of vargas at a time, before he started struggling against the weight of their blankets. He wasn't allowed to sleep in the same bed as Lance, nor did he want help in the bathroom. It'd taken a few quintants to get the therapy thing sorted. Lance was supposed to be going to therapy later that day, once he'd had his nap. Seeing his boyfriend screaming out his pain, comparing the tracking chip to the unwanted child he'd lost hadn't been a thought to cross his mind until Lance had voiced it. Lance was struggling with his body so hard that Keith could only ask Coran to speed up Lance's therapy. It wasn't like Lance didn't want him there, so that wasn't so bad. He'd sent his mother back to Earth, insisting that he was fine... His winces in her hold hidden by his head over the woman's shoulder, which continued as he was forced to promise he'd bring Keith to a family dinner sooner rather than later. Keith was then forced to promise the same thing and to keep his mother-in-law in the loop.

Aside from Lance, there was also Daehra to worry about. She'd been in tears over having missed something with her scanners. Coran had offered to upgrade the Telula's medical scanners for her, so now Daehra was receiving a crash course in Altean medicine. Lucteal was bored senseless, all the peace on Altea didn't agree with him. Zak and Tobias, on the other hand, seemed to be aiming to set a world record in sneaking into places they shouldn't be to "liberate" tech from its boring existence. It was a weird kind of peace that Lance's team had never known. Not with the constant threat of the Galra, and unknown forces in their sector of space... plus, there was something creepily soothing about Altean and all their "hope for the future" stuff.

 

Rousing Lance with a soft hand on his shoulder as there was a knock on the door, Lance groaned at him. Kosmo raising his head to glare at Keith for interrupting his sleep time with his human   
"Babe, they're here. Come in!"  
Keith cringed at the way he called out "come in", his voice had cracked as if he was going through puberty all over again. Letting herself into the room, the therapist was all smiles as she walked over to the end of Lance's bed  
"Former Black Paladin Keith, and Former Red Paladin Lance, it is such an honour to meet you. You may call me Tor'al"  
Moving a hand to tuck back some unseen strand of hair from her face, her big green eyes didn't seem like the eyes of a therapist. She was far too happy  
"Uh... you too. Are you going to be Lance's therapist?"  
Her smile faltered minutely  
"Indeed. Which means Lance needs to speak for himself"  
Lance looked to him, the fastest way to get him offside was to pick a fight with Keith  
"Keith stays"  
Tor'al looked from Lance to Keith, then back to Lance. Keith could almost see the lightbulb turning on   
"Oh. I didn't mean it like that. No, no. Sorry. What I mean is, I would prefer that you answer for me. I'm here to listen to you, and I want to listen to you. Often we find it easier when someone else is there to talk for us. Gosh. Sorry. I'm super nervous. I've only recently completed my training, and apparently, you're not supposed to be all like "I'm here to be your friend", because some people don't want to see you like that. I'm rambling. So. Yes. I'm Tor'al and I'm here to be your therapist"

So Tor'al wasn't secretly sizing up his boyfriend to steal him away... she was just a bit of a, to steal Lance's word, "ditz". Covering his mouth, Lance stifled a small laugh  
Tor'al tilting her head sideways as she silently questioned   
"I'm sorry. I was expecting... someone a... older and scarier"  
"Coran thought you'd prefer someone younger. My boss was supposed to be overseeing your case, but... he is older and scarier. Don't tell him I said so"  
The more she laughed and smiled, the more Lance seemed to relax. Keith wasn't jealous in the slightest... at all  
"Ok. Well, I'm Lance, this is Kosmo, and you said, this is Keith. He's my... well, we're married and working it out, so boyfriend slash husband"

Lance must have noticed his discomfort or noticed the sparkle in Tor'al's eyes. Either way, Keith's heart swelled with love at Lance proclaiming he was his. And to a total stranger too. Tor'al gasped, a hand coming to her mouth as if it did something to hide her shock  
"I had no idea!"  
"That's the way we'd like to keep it. Voltron has passed, we're simply Lance and Keith now... with our fur-baby Kosmo"  
"You're my patient. Nothing you say will go beyond these walls. Now, I was hoping we could have a little bit of a chat about what's been happening. If you want, we can go for a walk, or we can sit here, whatever you want is fine"  
Lance bit his lip, hands starting to fidget with Kosmo's fur  
"Babe, I can stay or I can wait outside. I don't mind. Whatever you need"  
"Can you... give us... I mean..."  
"Baby, I just said I don't mind. I'll just wait in the hall while you talk. Not in the room, but not so far away that I won't be right here if you need me"  
Lance let out a small sigh, a smile forming on his lips as he nodded  
"Thank you..."  
"We're going to get through this remember"  
"I know. I love you..."  
Leaning in, Keith stole a kiss. Yes, he was marking his territory. Tor'al was too friendly, and even if Lance was forcing himself to be just as friendly, he wanted Tor'al to back the fuck off  
"I love you, too. I'll leave Kosmo with you. He doesn't look like he wants to move"  
Kosmo's ears twitched at his name, his tail giving a lazy thud as he huffed and closed his eyes   
"I don't think he wants to either"  
Neither of them were really sure if this was the right place for Lance to start counselling. He was surrounded by Altean shapeshifters on a planet that basically worshipped Allura. That's why Keith hadn't wanted to leave, but it was important for Lance to feel in control of his choices.

 

Banished to the corridors, Keith kept forcing himself not to lean against the door, or to give in to the compulsion to climb up into the air vents. He knew what Lance had been through. He didn't need to listen in... but he was tired of waiting by the end of the first 10 doboshes. Things like therapy took time. It took pushing through the pain and finding someone you were able to talk to. That's why therapy has always failed spectacularly for him when he was a kid. He simply didn't know the right words. When the adults would talk to him, everything he said would make them sad or angry. Like they all were playing some secret game that he was supposed to know the rules for, but was too stupid or something to be let in on it... starting to pace, he tried to rid himself of his nervous energy. It was still yet to occur to him that Lance might not be the only one who needed to talk to someone professional... or wasn't such a close acquaintance.

 

*  
Lance was grateful to Coran for trying to find him a therapist he thought he might be able to relate to. He was grateful that the man had only given her the very basic overview... because he wasn't sure she was the right therapist for him. She had this vision in her mind of the heroic Voltron Paladins fighting for them all. It wasn't quite the "drug fucked loser vibe" he was rocking right now, and more than anything, Lance wanted to preserve people's dreams because he knew how much reality sucked when everything crashed down.

Wanting to have a talk with Keith, Lance was grateful for the few moments of peace. Just him and Kosmo. Tor'al had called Coran to let him know Lance's session was over because the man wanted to talk to him. His deplorable behaviour towards Coran had his gut-churning, worse than the nervousness of starting therapy had. Ruffling Kosmo's soft fur, the dopey wolf tried to roll on his back for belly pats, head slipping off the bed as he did. Scaring himself into jolting back up, Kosmo abandoned belly rubs for climbing up into Lance lap and smacking him in the face with his wet nose. He loved Kosmo. The wolf was as dopey as Keith was when the half-Galra was sleepy. Why couldn't he just talk to Kosmo? Kosmo wouldn't judge him, not if pats and treats were involved. He knew Voltron wasn't all fun times, and best of all, he could cuddle him as he talked. Not that he couldn't cuddle Keith, but he feeling super insecure with all the new scars across his body. He wanted to work on himself more before simply giving in to his depression and having Keith kiss things away. He wanted to get better for himself so he could get better for Keith. He wanted to learn techniques for dealing with the craving to get high or to drink himself unconscious. And as he saw it, Tor'al was too... happy. He needed someone who'd been through things. Who got that life wasn't always happiness and peace. He'd even gone so far as to thinking that it might be better to seek treatment on Erathus. The planet was filled with false happiness and shiny lights, but it was also filled with people who'd suffered similar things to what he'd been through and what he was going through. Sure. They may be one or two people would want to kill him there, but at least it'd be more exciting than sitting away in this room where nothing ever happened.

Kosmo's yipping was his warning Coran was at the door. Watching it slide open, Coran was wearing his trademark smile as he let himself in. Lance's guilt only rose. Coran was smiling after he'd yelled at him. He didn't even deserve to be yelled at. He was such a wonderful man. Staring at Coran, his tears welled in his eyes, an arm coming out to awkwardly reach for the man who was like an uncle to him. Striding across to him, Coran accepted the invitation, Lance holding both him and Kosmo tightly   
"I'm so sorry for yelling"  
"That's alright, my boy"  
"It's not alright. You were trying to help... and I lost my temper"  
"No my boy. After what you've been through, a little bit of yelling is hardly anything"  
"It's not "hardly anything" to me. I'm so sorry"  
"Nonsense"

Ending the hug, Coran at in the visitor's chair  
"How was your session?"  
"I..."  
Hanging his head, it was like Coran read his mind   
"She's not what you expected?"  
"No! I mean, no. I'm sure she's nice and all, but... She looks at Keith and I like we're still heroes. Like nothing could go wrong for us now we've saved the universe and all that..."  
"Oh dear..."  
"I'm sure she's great... maybe it's just me? Maybe therapy isn't going to help"  
Taking his hand in his, Coran smiled softly  
"There's nothing wrong with not being a right fit. Therapy will only work if you feel you can talk to someone"  
"She was just... so, you know, happy. I don't want to ruin the vision she has of Voltron being the hope of the universe by being... this"  
"There's nothing wrong with you. She's only one of the counsellors we have here. I failed to think of how young she is. We can always book another appointment with someone else"  
"Isn't that rude?"  
"Not at all my boy. As I said, it's about finding someone you feel comfortable talking to you"  
"I don't mind talking to you... I just... I'm tired of bringing everyone else down"  
"Lance, you know you can tell me anything. I saw what you went through... and I've seen all your scans"  
Lance's heart began to beat faster  
"All of them?"  
Squeaking out the question, Coran nodded solemnly  
"Yes, my boy. I'm not going to push you to talk. I know you're not ready to, but I want you to know that doesn't change what I think of you"  
Lance took a shaky breath. He was already exhausted from skirting around everything with Tor'al  
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't... can't..."  
"No my boy. They're the ones who should be sorry. Sorry they ever messed with the likes of us"

A long tick passed, Lance hoping Coran wouldn't judge him too badly  
"Coran, where is she? No one will tell me anything. I'm sick of not knowing what's going on. Daehra and Lucteal change the topic too. Keith's exhausted trying to keep up with me and this... and Kosmo can't exactly tell me anything. I hate... I feel like it's Voltron all over again. When Allura was off with Lotor. Kuron was making my life a living hell, and Pidge and Hunk were team punk. This... was my work and I loved my job. And now it's all a lie... I just want to be included"

Nodding at him, Coran hummed softly before picking his words  
"They've taken her out of status, but she won't talk. They've also made a number of arrests. It turned out the chief of police on Erathus was involved. Such an abuse of power. They're transferring everyone to Daibazaal for processing once they've finished returning the wrongly accused prisoners, or those with minor demeanours back to their planets. You've done a gone thing here. I'm just so sorry Altean's had to be behind it"  
"It doesn't feel like a good thing. It was all a lie..."  
"It wasn't all a lie. Your young Daehra and Lucteal care deeply for you. You saved their sister, and risked your lives to help so many more"  
"Because not being "Lance" was easier. Covering my face and being Leandro... he was everything I ever wanted to be"  
"You are him. You've always been strong"  
"If I'm so strong, how... how could I let everyone down?"  
"You just got a little lost on your journey. You've got a good team, and Keith to guide you now"

Lance sighed to himself. He didn't want Keith to guide him. He wanted to stand on his own feet again  
"I'm tired of relying on him all the time. You know. He's not ok. He's been glued to my side since I woke up. He's not... He needs to talk to someone, and I don't know if he feels he can talk to Shiro"  
Coran raised an eyebrow, his free hand going to his moustache  
"Did something happen?"  
"He lost it at Keith when he found out I was addicted to drugs. He was yelling at him. Shiro was yelling at him because of me... God, can you imagine how disappointed Shiro would be if he found out they'd... raped me on top of everything?"  
Coran's got teary. It broke Lance's heart to know the man knew what had happened. Coran was another on with dreams he didn't want to ruin   
"Shiro wouldn't think any less of you. You have nothing to prove to him"  
"I feel like I do. He's always been... so cool... I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want Keith to know... He's been so good about it, but this body... I don't feel like myself anymore. I want to move around. I want to go for a walk. I want to feel something other than cold all the time..."  
"You want to go for a walk?"  
"Keith wouldn't be happy"  
"Well, my boy. Keith isn't here. He can't complain if I need to borrow you for a varga or two"  
"You might just give him a heart attack if I was gone for that long"  
"That's a risk I'm willing to take"  
"And you don't mind? Being seen with me?"  
"Of course not my boy"  
"But I'm..."  
He was dirty. He was dirty and Coran knew about it. He couldn't process that the man might not think any less of him. Not when he hated himself so badly  
"You're you, my boy. Now, let's get you out of this bed before Keith comes back"

 

Escaping the hospital was a wonderful feeling. Kosmo trotting by their sides as Lance and Coran made their way towards a grassed area. He'd been inside for far too long. Everything felt stiff from lack of use. It probably would have been easier for him to have had an injection first but he didn't want to take the easy route. And now that he was out, he didn't want to go back in  
"How does it feel?"  
"Nice. Thank you. I never thanked you for those beautiful flowers either"  
"Nonsense my boy"  
"Mami would hit me if she knew I waited this long. She's a force to be reckoned with"  
"That she is. She's quite taken by Keith"  
"You noticed that too?"  
"Isn't that a good thing?"  
"Yeah. I love Keith, but sometimes I feel like this is all going too fast... We're always together... I want him to feel like he doesn't have to babysit me all the time"  
"I doubt he feels like that"  
Waving his hands, Lance grew angry at himself for not being able to articulate exactly what he wanted to say  
"But I do. He's... he's always there. He's always making me feel better, or there when it all gets too much. I want to do something for him, but I don't know what to do... He's... he's the one thing that's been keeping me together. I want to do that for him. Be there for him. Be better... you know. Like... we... we haven't even been on a real date. He said he'd organise it, but I want to do that for him. Spoil him a little..."  
"Then why don't you take him on a date?"  
"How? I'm stuck in the hospital all the time. I'm supposed to be recovering, but I'm all healed up"  
"Why don't you let me help you out there?"

Lance mentally groaned. Altean courting rituals weren't his thing. Throwing himself down on the grass, he sighed at the feeling beneath his skin. This... this was nice. Coran sat down next to him, much more refined as he did  
"Thanks, Coran, but I'm not wearing armour made of pots and pans again"  
"No, no. Your Earth customs are quite different from ours. Now, this date..."

By the end of the following varga, they had a plan... which mostly hinged on Coran and lying ever so slight to Keith. 

 

*  
"Smuggling" clothes in for him, Coran had asked to borrow Keith for a moment. Leading him away long enough for Lance to change into a pair of black jeans and one of the shirts Keith had picked up for him... and his boots. Sweet Jesus he'd missed his boots. Lance asked Coran for something long sleeve, but that had gotten lost in translation. The man providing him with a short-sleeve button-up, a jacket. Then again, it wouldn't be a "Coran plan" if there wasn't a slight hiccup. Unable to style his hair, he had to let it do its own thing, trying to ignore how the fact stuck in his brain. He really wanted this go perfectly. Keith was long past deserving of pampering. Slipping out the bathroom, he headed back to his room to stash his clothes. Coran should still be leading Keith out to the front of the hospital via the longest route possible, giving him time to make his way to the front and be waiting for his dating, looking as dashing as he could.

Waiting at the front of the hospital was a hoverbike. The Telula would have been too conspicuous, and too tempting to make a real escape on. Feeling stupid having nothing in his hands, he strode into the garden with the hope of a stealing the purple, rose-like flower off one of the plants. Out of nerves, he broke the branch, cursing as he tried to hide the evidence back into the plant. It wasn't like it was immaculately pruned down to the nearest millimetre, and this attempt was a total failure. Oh, wait, yes it was. Hearing Coran and Keith approaching, he swore again, snapping off another branch as he tried to get a flower. Fuck it. Keith could have the whole damn branch.

Bending the branch upwards, it was a failed bouquet, but it was better than nothing. God. He was so nervous... He wanted everything to be just right. Walking out the hospital doors, Keith was mid-protest over leaving Lance when his eyes landed on him  
"This is where I leave you, good luck tonight"  
"Thanks, Coran"  
Coran didn't make to leave. Keith stumbling slightly as he moved away from the Altean's side and over to Lance, stopping right in front of him. Awkwardly, Lance thrust the makeshift bouquet at his boyfriend's chest  
"Do you want to go on a date with me!?"  
Yelling the question at Keith, Keith caught the bouquet... which he let slip back into being a very bent branch. Lance's cheeks heated to into a hard red. It was simple. "Keith, would you like to go on a date with me?". A question that didn't need yelling... Looking at the branch in his hands, Keith started laughing. He was such a quiznakking idiot. No wonder Keith was laughing at him, he was an idiot. He was worse than an idiot. He could feel the tears forming when Keith reached out to place his hand on Lance's arm  
"Of course I do, babe... With how Coran was talking, I had no idea what was going on..."  
Lance's heart soared, a lump of emotion in his throat. He hadn't fucked things up?  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, babe... Are you alright?"  
"I thought I blew it"  
"You most definitely didn't blow it... I, uh, appreciate the branch"  
Lance groaned, moving to walk over to the hoverbike  
"I tried to pick a flower off... you know what, shut up and accept my gift"

Climbing on the hoverbike, Lance fired it up. Keith jogging over and climbing up behind him  
"I accept your gift. Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because this is a surprise, Mullet. It's not a surprise if you know about it. I was sure Coran was going to tell you all about it"  
"No... to be honest, I have no idea what he was talking about"  
"Hold on. I should probably warn you that Coran helped with dinner"  
"Oh great. It's going to be inedible"  
Lance's heart dropped. Keith was joking, but things had to be perfect. Revving the bike, he used that as an excuse not to reply.

 

Following Coran's recommendation, Lance found what he was looking for. Weaving his way through the flowery field, he skidded the bike to a stop atop the hill Coran had recommended. The main city of Altea laying at their feet as the sun hung low  
"We're here"  
Backing off, Keith jumped off the bike, holding his hand out so Lance could climb down. Grabbing the picnic basket, Lance took Keith's hand, stepping off with a smile on his face. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gone driving for fun   
"What are we doing here?"  
Wasn't it kind of obvious?  
"You. Me. Sunset and picnic...? Coran told me about how here has the best view of the sunset outside of the city... I... I wanted to do something for you. You know? I'm not... well. Mentally... and stuff. So..."  
Taking his hand back, Lance scratched the back of his head  
"I wanted to do something nice together. I know I'm all kinds of mixed up. And probably sending you all kind of mixed signals..."  
"Lance, you're babbling. This is perfect"  
"Really? I wanted to do something fancier, but..."  
"I promise this is perfect. Should we get set up?"  
Right. Picnic. They needed to set things up...  
"Quiznak..."  
"Babe?"  
Waving a hand, Lance walked towards the mound of the hill   
"Never mind. Just... nervous"  
"You're nervous?"  
"Yes! I mean, yes. Why do I keep yelling at you?"  
He didn't mean to keep yelling. It wasn't like he hadn't been on a date before... on Earth... with Allura... whom he wasn't married to, accidentally or otherwise  
"I don't know. I... I'm kind of nervous too. I've never been on a date"

Lance was relieved to know he wasn't the only one that was nervous. Setting the picnic basket down, the Cuban was cautious as he opened the lid. When nothing jumped out to attack him, Lance let out a long breath of relief. On top was a thick blue blanket. Pulling it out, Keith took it from his hands  
"What else is in there?"  
Examining the contents, it all seemed safe. Pulling out a green bottle, he popped the top of it, but couldn't catch a particular scent   
"There's a bottle of... what I hope isn't nunvil, and the food is wrapped up, so I guess that's going to be another surprise"  
"Remember when he cooked for us the first time?"

Grabbing out the covered plates of food with his other hand, he turned back to watch Keith flick out the blanket and lay it out carefully for them. Stepping onto the blanket, Lance felt like he should toe his shoes off or something   
"How could I forget? And that food fight with the goo... You frustrated me so badly I wanted to knock that smugness right off your face"  
"You were the biggest, self-centred arsehole that I'd ever met. I didn't understand how you could just flirt with Allura. Or how you could be so fucking happy"  
Too much attention was on him. Sitting down, Lance let Keith lean into him as he sat beside him  
"You were my bisexual awakening. You and that goddamn mullet. Don't tell mami I took the lord's name in vain again"  
"Your secret's safe with me. And I was your bisexual awakening?"  
"Mmm... I guess... I mean, noticed boys, but it was different with you. You're different. I don't mean that in a bad way... I like you how you are. I like you a lot... and now I'm babbling again. Can you talk? I'm having the struggles right now"

Keith nudged him  
"You're doing just fine. How long have you and Coran had this planned?"  
Gazing at lights of the city below them slowly flickering to life as the sun began dipping lower in the orange and indigo sky, Lance gave himself a moment to calm his heart back down  
"This afternoon. Coran came to see me after my session to see how I went with Tor'al. He's got Kosmo, just so you know where our wolf is..."  
"How was it?"  
Popping the side clasps on the first plate of food, there was a spread of roasted vegetables and some kind of meat beneath. Lance didn't want to spoil the night. He didn't want to tell Keith that Tor'al couldn't help him  
"A little awkward. I talked to Coran about... stuff. That was good. Better than I thought it would be. He was so excited for this date"  
He'd said the right thing, hadn't he?  
Popping the lid on the second plate, it was dessert. A pale pink milk jelly with juniper berries sitting on the top. Their dainty appearance seemed too refined for the pair of them  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
Reaching over, Lance bopped Keith on the nose with the tip of his pointer finger  
"I want to talk about you. And enjoy this date with you. How was your talk with Tor'al?"  
"Better than I thought it'd go. She was... enthused over Voltron, that's for sure. She has lots of big plans. She wants to focus on helping healing those who are still scared of Galra. I ended up talking to her longer than I thought I would"

Lance had been outside for a couple of vargas with Coran and Kosmo before they finally made it back to his room, to find Keith wasn't there. Lance figured Coran had messaged Keith or had seen him... not spent vargas talking with a girl. No. He wasn't jealous. Tor'al was simply a "fangirl". Keith was "like the future", he wanted people out there to see that there was good in Galra. Something Lance also wanted, even if his memories had been soured further after he'd finally returned to space   
"Babe?"  
Staring at him, the corner of Keith's lips were turned down  
"Sorry, I was thinking about how it would be nice for people to see the other side of things"  
"You're not jealous?"  
Lance wanted to deny that he wasn't jealous, but some part of him... a big part of him was. Recovery took honesty. He'd seen that in the self-help brochures that had magically appeared at home. He wanted to try being honest. So many secrets and lies still preoccupied his mind  
"Maybe a little. But that's on me. Not you. With all this head stuff. No. I'm glad you found someone else who can see that everyone needs to work together to heal"  
"I don't like her. I mean, she does nothing for me. At first, I thought she was after you with how she was focusing on you. It wasn't a great feeling"  
"Jealousy never is. I forgot to check the basket for cutlery..."  
"I'll check. It's the least I can do. I can't believe you planned a date with Coran of all people"

Climbing to his feet, Keith wiped his hands on his jeans before walking back to the picnic basket, deciding to carry it back over to where they were sitting. Settling back down, his boyfriend rummaged through the basket   
"There's only one knife and fork, and a spoon buried down the bottom... hey, the bottom's actually another blanket "  
Oh... of course, things couldn't go smoothly. It was supposed to be perfect. He'd messed up by yelling at Keith, now he was saying he was jealous and Coran hadn't even got the cutlery right. Heck, he'd even torn a tree in half trying to pick a flower. Realising his chest was starting to tighten, Lance forced in a deep breath through his nose  
"Hey, what's wrong? What are you thinking?"  
God. Why did Keith have to read him like a book?!  
"It's... it was supposed to be perfect. I really wanted it to be perfect for you. I wanted to spoil you and show you I appreciate everything. I've yelled at you. Gotten jealous, and there's not enough cutlery..."  
Placing the cutlery down on the edge of the plate with the roast on it, Keith pulled the blanket out of the bottom of the basket. Lance hadn't even realised that the soft fabric wasn't part of the basket lining. Draping it around their shoulders, Keith took his right hand as he rested his forehead against Lance's arm  
"Babe. This date is perfect. I'm with the man I love, on a secluded mountain top, with real food, no prying eyes, and he got jealousy over me. Do you know how sweet I find all of this? You went to all this trouble, for me. Just because we only have one set of cutlery doesn't ruin the date. It just means I have to feed you"

Practically launching himself sideways, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith. His nose pressed up against his boyfriend's neck as he breathed in Keith's calming scent. There was nothing like it in the whole wide universe  
"Thank you. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for not giving up on me..."  
"I love you. All of you. Even the bits you think are broken, you idiot"  
"I know. I still get scared... I'm still scared you're going to disappear forever. I mean, we both will go back to work and be busy and stuff eventually... but if you stopped existing like Allura did. I don't know what I'd do"  
"Did talking with Tor'al bring all of that back up?"  
Lance shook his head. For a date that was supposed to be about Keith, it was an awful amount about him  
"Coran... Can we please focus on how wonderful you are, and leave this talk for tomorrow?"  
"I don't know about wonderful"  
"I do. I really appreciate your support"  
"You're making it sound like you don't support me back just as hard"  
Lance's heart gave a weird kind of thump. He was a wreck. He'd been getting better right up until he'd decided to run away. Which was technically... one phoeb... two phoebs... three phoebs and a handful of quintants ago... He'd been recovering for the last phoeb. He was well and truly over "recovering" in a hospital bed. His after pod scans had been good... or the nurse that dropped their breakfast off had said as much when his mother demanded to know  
"I don't?"  
"You do. You've always been my stability. This is just a rough patch"  
"This whole relationship's kind of been a rough patch since it started... everything kept happening on top of everything else... but at the same time, I feel like I haven't accomplished much work-wise. I want to get back out there..."  
"I know the feeling..."  
Lance deflated a little. He'd been keeping Keith from his own work too...  
"... but I think we needed this. This stepping back and breathing together. Feeling safe again"

This was going nowhere. Lance wanted to go back to work. Keith probably knew all about Kre'el being transferred. If he kept dwelling, he'd bring the mood down future. Stealing Keith's move, he moved himself to rest his cheek against Keith's arm, both of them watching the setting sun as they held hands.  
"Yeah. This is nice. Keith and Lance, Lance and Keith. You know, neck and neck"  
"Rivals for life"  
Lance let out a snort, his boyfriend was the sweetest idiot in existence   
"Exactly. But you need to go easy on me"  
"Go easy on you! You're like this secret badarse bounty hunter who robbed the rich and gave to the poor. You're amazing. I know it was all messed up, but when I was looking for you, I got to see all the hundreds of people you helped. Do you know how hot that is? How bad arse it is that you saw the problem and stepped up?! I know you called yourself Leandro, but helping someone. That's Lance all over. You're not Saint, but you're not as messed up as you think you are. I'm so fucking proud of you, and to be with you. And then you go and do something as thoughtful as this for me... you better believe I'm not going to go easy on you for even a tick. Plus, you give pretty awesome cuddles. I didn't even know I was cuddled until I started cuddling you"  
"Think about all those cuddles you missed..."  
It was the least weird or possibly insulting thing he could say, even if he felt stupid for doing so. He wasn't... all that... maybe he'd helped a few people... and maybe he'd robbed more than a few people... and maybe he'd felt like a badarse when he was doing so... stupid Keith might have had a point or two. But he wasn't going to concede defeat that easily. Not while they watched the sunset, and the lights of the city twinkle like stars reflecting in a lake. Not when the date was finally going to plan  
"... Hey, Keith... I love you... and Coran forgot to give us a torch, so we should probably eat"  
Beside him, Keith dropped a kiss against the shaven spot of his hair  
"Sounds like that a plan... And as bad as it is, it kind of sounds like something we would do. After getting married by accident and all. Forgetting a torch on a night picnic... yeah, we're capable of that"

Lance gave a dramatic sigh, letting Keith's good mood bleed into him. He could smell it coming off him, this kind of content smell, like Keith was happy. He wanted Keith to be happy. That was his sincerest wish  
"Yep. I hate to admit it, but you're right. We're two stupid idiots, struck dumb by love. I have to wonder about the intelligence of the bad guys out there if we're the ones taking them down"  
"I think Honerva proved you can be intelligent and evil. While Lotor proved you can be a stupid dick and evil"  
"He had great hair"  
The words escaped him before he knew what happened. Lotor's hair was always so annoyingly perfect and soft-looking... his never did what he wanted it to  
"I can't deny that... aesthetically he should have been the perfect package, yet... you were always doing crazy things to my heart and mind. You're so much more beautiful than he was..."  
Lance could almost hear the blush in Keith's voice. And since when had Keith checked Lotor out? He wasn't ok with this... and wait... "doing crazy things to his heart"? Nudging Keith, he truthfully teased him lightly   
"You're clearly blind, and you're clearly not including yourself in this growing beauty competition. Black Babe Keith, the sexiest undercover operative the Blades have ever known"  
"I don't know about that"  
"I do... here, come here. I want to cuddle with you"  
"We are cuddling"  
"Mmm, but I want to hold you properly. Plus, I don't know if we can operate cutlery like this"  
"Oh, you so we're back to this? With me feeding you?"  
"What? How do you get to that?"  
"We have one set of cutlery and you want me sitting in your lap... If you want those cuddles, you're going to let me take care of you"  
Lance rolled his eyes, this was a date for Keith! Why was he being pampered? Looking up to Keith's face, his boyfriend's eyes seemed to sparkle, making it hard to seem too pouty   
"You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"  
Lance wasn't sure if Keith was smiling or smirking, but there was mischief in his eyes   
"Maybe... Maybe I like you being all flustered like this?"  
Lance's heart gave a weird beat, the Cuban glad the world was growing dark because he then Keith wouldn't be able to see all their facial expressions and ticks his words caused. Reaching out, he flicked Keith in the forehead gently. He knew how damn annoying flicks to the forehead could be   
"I'm not flustered, you're flustered"  
"Right. Whatever you say, Loverboy Lance"

 

*  
Keith wasn't sure how a date was supposed to go, but he was pretty damn sure that he was the luckiest guy in the world. Dinner had been nice, feeding Lance resulted in food going everywhere it wasn't supposed to, and a foot finding its way into the Altean dessert... The evidence of which was promptly "hidden" by throwing the "remains" down the opposite side of the hill. Grumbling about dessert, Lance was pouting far too much for Keith's liking, the half-Galra leaning back against his boyfriend until Lance was forced to pretty much lay on his back, laughing as he failed to scold him over his behaviour, before then pushing him off him. Moving to lay shoulder to shoulder, Keith couldn't stop the smile that seemed to have etched itself on his lips. His hand finding Lance's as they laid looking up at the stars above. All of this... had been perfect. The unexpected gifting of a broken branch. The loan of the hoverbike and surprise picnic as they watched the sunset together. He was happy. He was more than happy. He could honestly say he didn't have a word for how happy and content he felt as they stared up silently. Things had been shaky for them. Lance was still in hospital, despite being healed. Keith didn't know what he was supposed to do now. If he took Lance back to the Telula, Lance might just decide to skip out on therapy. 

Therapy wasn't an easy thing... and this was... this was his boyfriend's life that was at risk. Lance had reached out his hand more than once, swallowing down his pride and fear of judgment to ask for help. So hearing that hearing he wasn't sure about talking to Tor'al... it was disheartening. He didn't want the one shaky experience to force Lance to revert back into "Leandro". Yet... He didn't know... he didn't know what "he didn't know", but something was niggling in his mind. Lance had been so sure that he couldn't talk to anyone or any of the old gang, yet he'd let Coran in. Coran who reminded him of Allura and everything that would never be. Not that Keith wasn't grateful to Coran, or happy that they were both reconnecting. No. That wasn't it... He was scared? Scared that Lance would bail backwards from Coran. That he'd flee, or throw his walls up again... or maybe even lash out again, and possibly ruin his friendship in his own head. Keith was sure Coran would always value Lance. But Lance's anxieties made things so hard for his lover. He didn't want Lance crying and convinced that everyone hated him. He couldn't do that again. It'd broken his heart all over again... and no amount of Hunk's amazing cooking made up for the way they'd all let them down.

"Keith?"  
Realising he'd been lost in his thoughts, Keith hummed as he continued to stare up at the stars above them. Turning his head, he found Lance already staring at him. A tick or two passing before Lance looked back to the night sky  
"Did you ever play that game when you were a kid?"  
"What game?"  
"Where you'd stare up at the stars and make up your own constellations? Marco would always win at home. We'd lay on the grass behind the house, spending hours looking up at the stars and dreaming up names and stories. It'd come down to Marco and Veronica, Rachel would get mad because her stories were always about princesses being rescued from dragons and we all teased her over them, so she'd choose Marco, and I'd choose Veronica. Luis would have to break the tie. He'd make up a story using both of their stories... but one time I heard whispering to Marco that he "had his back". Veronica always wanted a clear answer. Just when it'd start to get loud, mum would come out with her slipper and yell at us for being outside and not sleeping"  
"I can't say I ever played with your siblings"  
"Ha. Ha"  
"I'm sorry, babe. I had to. Dad and used to watch the stars. Then Shiro, Adam and I would go out from time to time... it was different with them, than it was with dad. When your parent tells you "your mums up there watching over you", you don't take it literally. I'd forgotten about it. He'd always tell me how she didn't want to leave but had to because "she loved me so much"... again, when you're a kid... I had nightmares about it for years. Her dead because of me... sorry..."  
His mouth was moving without talking to his head. He hadn't meant to go off on a tangent...  
"Babe, your dad would be so fucking proud of you, if he could see you now. I never met him, but if I was your dad, I would be"  
Squeezing Lance's hand, Lance always knew what to say  
"Thank you. I think he would have liked you... I mean... when I was on that space whale, I realised how much I'd forgotten. Mum and I were forced to relieve glimpses of each other's past, present and future. Seeing him like that, with her... it gave so much back to me. I got to know him before I'd ever met him. He was like you. He always wanted to help and do the right thing, no matter the person"  
"He was an amazing guy"  
"You never met him..."  
Nor was Lance there in his head for the testing at the Blades originally, or for the flashbacks   
"Didn't need to. He fathered the most wonderful and directionally challenged boyfriend a guy could ask for"  
"I don't know how you can always be so... I feel like we're both looking at me in two completely different ways"  
Lance sighed, wriggling a little closer   
"Ahhh. That would be my old friends PTS, depression, anxiety and good taste, popping up to say hello"  
"Maybe it's the brain damage"

As soon as Keith said the words, he wanted to take them back. Lance tensing beside him, his laugh forced as he replied   
"Ha! Yeah. Maybe... I mean, there's scar tissue up there"  
"Babe..."  
"It's all good. You know"  
Keith cringed. He knew that tone. Lance trying to play down how torn to shreds he felt   
"That was shitty of me"  
"It's fine"  
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have tried to joke about it. I know how much it upsets you. I just mean... you get me when I don't get me. You're bring up all these feelings and stuff that I don't know how to process, when you show me... I don't know how I got an amazing man like you, to ever date me. I'm just me..."  
"Keith, it's... ok. It stung, but I know you were joking"  
There seemed to be an unspoken "right?" in that sentence   
"I'm sorry, babe. Um... can you teach me how to make pictures and stories with the stars, like you do?"  
Unexpectedly Lance rolled towards him  
"You're so weird at reading people aren't you?"  
"Maybe?"  
"You are. I was preparing to mentally smack you, and now you want to know how to make shapes in the stars? Only you could apologise and then ask that question on the back of it"  
Yeah. He was the weird kid who'd didn't fit in... No one wanted to be his friend or thought he was normal  
"Fiiiine. I forgive you. Get ready to learn all about a whole new side of space"

Rolling back onto his back, Lance raised his left hand towards the stars  
"What do you see over here?"  
Stars? Keith couldn't tell which stars, in particular, he was supposed to be looking at  
"There's no wrong answer. Those three in a line then that one off to the left. What do you see?"  
Keith squinted. He saw stars... His father would point out constellations... not make things up...   
"Uh... stars?"  
"Or, it could be a walking stick? A candy cane? See those stars over here... up a bit and to the right, those 5... doesn't it look like a house? There's an old man who lives up there, and lost his walking stick..."  
Keith wasn't getting it... but Lance was  
"How did he lose his walking stick?"  
"Hmm?"  
"I don't know how to do this... so, can you..."  
"You need to stop overthinking it, babe. Use your imagination. Maybe it's a magical walking stick that's trying to make its way home?"  
A what now?  
"Why would a walking stick be walking around on its own? How is it walking around on its own?"  
Lance sighed at him dramatically  
"It's a magical walking stick? With like magical powers. It could be hopping?"  
"A hopping walking stick?"

Rolling over to face him, Lance smacked Keith lightly on the chest  
"No one said it needed to make sense, Mister Sensible"  
Echoing Lance's movements, Keith rolled to face his boyfriend   
"I'm hardly "Mister Sensible". That's more Shiro's department"  
"Sensible Space Dad Shiro. Yeah, that sounds about right"  
Wriggling closer to Lance, Keith nuzzled into his cheek. Using the cooling night as an excuse to cuddle in to close  
"So what does that make us?"  
"Two halves of the same idiot?"  
"I can't deny that. Thank you for tonight, babe. It's been nice... just having us to ourselves"  
"It's been nice not being watched or fussed over... even if you do have a hatred of magical walking sticks"  
Angling his face, Keith pressed a small kiss to Lance's lips. Lance stiffening for a tick, before returning the kiss softly, one turning into three before they broke apart, Keith smiling   
"I don't hate magical walking sticks..."  
"Mhmm. So if we're not going to talk about the stars, what do you want to do?"  
"We could go for a ride? Did Coran give you a bedtime?"  
Lance huffed  
"You all told me I had to open up, so I open up and try to let him in, and now you're all teasing me about this..."  
Keith had been joking, but Lance seemed genuinely upset. He didn't know why shifted his boyfriend's mood so fast, only that he'd put his foot in it again   
"Babe... I just meant, it's ok we borrow the bike for a bit, isn't it?"  
"Yeah... he said just to park up near the hospital when we were done"  
"Then let's go for a ride? See what we can see?"  
"It's night... there's not much to see"  
"Then we can see what we can find"  
"Ok... but no crashing or doing anything close to crashing. I refuse to go back into a pod for at least the next decaphoeb"  
The gears were still not aligning between them... Maybe Lance was worrying about the wrong things all over again?  
"Can we make it a life long thing? You're banned from being hurt... I hated... I hated not being able to do anything but watch and wait..."

There was a lot of things Keith hated. Like that Lance's self-worth, and confidences, and his belief in his good looks which had only grown as they'd aged   
"You're not very good at sitting back and letting things take their course"  
"No. I suppose not..."  
"Most definitely not. Well, this night is all about you, so I guess you're driving"  
"I promise I won't crash. Hey, does Altean have a beach?"  
"I have no idea"  
"Then let's go. Race you to hoverbike?"  
Pushing Keith down, Lance was up and off before the half-Galra stood a chance. Snatching up the blankets, he sent the basket flying in his haste. He was rubbish with stars but flying... that he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The important take away is that you won't always magically find the right therapist the first time, and that's ok


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are again, two updates on the same day... possibly because I'm still hashing out 46... but we do get a tiny bit ahead... twice

Staying out all night, the pair of them had watched the sunrise before Keith drove the hoverbike back to the hospital, with an exhausted Lance on the back. The date hadn't gone the way he'd expected or wanted, but once Keith got on the hoverbike, his enthusiasm over exploring shamed Lance's silly ideas of watching the night sky together. He'd wanted to do something soft and quiet with the man he loved... Not fly around like absolute idiots and break their promise of no near-crashes. Keith had shot off a cliff, not realising until half way down. Lance had unashamedly screamed. The only light they had with them was the light coming off the hoverbike. He was falling through a never ending blackness, with no idea when he'd hit the ground. Nope. He didn't need that in his life. He'd had phoebs of nightmares just as scary and daunting with nothing waiting to greet him. Mentally Lance was exhausted but abundantly relieved that Keith had had fun. His boyfriend whooping and yelling as he let loose in the bike. With Keith's happiness had been the objective of the night it could technically be counted as a win... maybe... Lance was too tired to sort his thoughts into anything that really made sense. He wanted to collapse into bed and sleep the whole quintant away. Plus, if he was sleeping, he wouldn't have to deal with his failed therapy session and explaining to Keith that Coran knew everything.

Returning to the room they'd been using, Daehra was waiting there with Lucteal. Coran standing by the door looking uncomfortably worried. The need for sleep was cleared away with a single glance around the room. Something was up with his friends. A something that even Keith noticed as he cleared his throat  
"Has something happened?"  
"Our father passed away last night. We do not know what has happened"  
Striding across the room, Lance threw his arms around Daehra. Her father might have been a piece of shit, but he was still their father and the ruler of the planet  
"I'm so sorry, Dae. You too, Lucteal. Is there anything you two need?"  
"Annla asked if we could come home? But, I do not wish to leave you while you are recovering"  
"Dae, no. Hey. I'm recovered, completely recovered"  
"Yet it took longer as I missed the implant in your head. I am so sorry, Leandro. I knew something was wrong, but my scanners did not provide all the answers... I thought it was due to the enormous amount of damage you took..."  
Rubbing Daehra's back, Lance hushed softly  
"It's your father. I know what happened, happened. But all that was in the past. He still fathered you, and I'm so happy he did. You, Lucteal and Annla. I'd do anything for you guys. So if you need to go, go. If you want me there, I'll be there for all of you. The Telula is always available for you two, I trust you both... I trust you with her, and Lucteal when he's supervised. I know I've been a crappy leader lately, especially disappearing on you for two phoebs, but I still want to be here for you. Here. There. Whatever you need"

Daehra snorted at him, breaking the hug to wipe her eyes  
"I have never once doubted you cared for us. I also don't doubt you are tired of sitting here and doing nothing"  
Lance was mildly offended, but happy Daehra was throwing that jab... maybe not that jab in particular, nonetheless, she still had her undeniable spark after all that had happened   
"That's true, but not what's important. What's important is you, your family and the stability of your planet. Anything you need, I'm here for you"  
"Now that father has passed, Annla's mother will rule until the first born male heir of the bloodline comes of age"  
Lucteal sounded slightly bitter, though Lance knew he had no interest in ruling. It had to sting though, he was biologically the son of the king. No "bloodline" business about it   
"Given we're on New Altea, we can open a wormhole. I can have you both home within the varga, if you'd like?"  
Daehra nodded slowly  
"Annla was most upset, as will the other children be. Yet I worry for you..."  
"Dae, I'll be ok. Seriously"  
"Your emotions are so strong, Leandro. You have your therapy, and Kre'el is being transferred. I know much you wish to know why and how everything happened"  
Yeah. He did. He did even though he'd realised it might just fuck his mental health up even more to have those answers  
"Between her, and you guys, I chose the friends that are my weird space family. Keith can go to Daibazaal in my place, until we have figured out what's happening on your planet"

Crossing his arms, his boyfriend looked pissed. This wasn't what either of them expected on the back of their date the previous night slash all morning   
"I'm not letting you go off on your own again. It was dangerous enough before Kre'el was taken in. Now that she's gone, someone out there is going to be vying her for place. No. End of story. I'm coming with you"  
"Keith..."  
"You nearly fucking died, Lance!"  
"I know... but..."  
This was his team. His team who'd put up with all his crazy shit  
"You'd chose them over me?"  
Lance clenched his hands into fists, a fierce glare on his face. He wasn't choosing them over Keith. He was trying to find a way to make both situations work. Why couldn't Keith see that? No. He didn't want to be parted from his lover for potentially movements, but things bigger than them were happening   
"I would when you ask shit like that! What the quiznak, man? You've been to their planet before. Coran can open a wormhole..."  
"I can't believe you. What was last night about then?"  
Now Lance was confused  
"Last night had nothing to do with this. Last night was me trying to show I love you, and trying to show that even if I'm ten shades of fucked up, that I appreciate everything you do for me"  
"Bullshit. I know you got upset more than once last night"

Lance felt the panic rising. Sitting himself down on the edge of the bed, he took a deep breath through his nose, then out through his mouth. Keith was mad at the situation. Not mad at him. The situation...  
"Well?!"  
No. Keith was mad at him. Clutching at his chest, he sucked down another forced breath   
"Keith, perhaps..."  
Keith quickly cut Coran off  
"No. I want to know why my boyfriend wasn't happy on our date last night. Especially now he's decided he wants to go off to the other side of the galaxy without me"  
"I don't want to go to the other side of the galaxy without you! I want to be there for my team! But I also need someone I fucking trust on Daibazaal! I'm not leaving you! I wasn't not happy with our date! I just thought we were going to lie there and watch the stars because that was something fun I did as a kid, and wanted to share it with you. I was happy you were happy. I didn't love dropping off cliffs in the blackness, but I loved hearing how you were! Ok!? I want to be there for Daehra, Lucteal and Annla because they're important to me. I want to be there and get answers from Kre'el, because she's the fucking reason I was tortured and raped! I want to be here because I want to get better and I want to get clean. I don't want to be on the Atlas or on Daibazaal without you, because I can't handle it right now. I'm sick of sitting in this hospital with everyone walking on eggshells around me! I'm healed. I'm physically fine. I haven't even self-harmed, just to feel the fucking pain because my senses are seriously out of whack still. But you know what I want most of all. I want my fucking boyfriend to get that I want to be there for my team. I want him to get that just because we're not together doesn't mean jack shit. You all fucking want me to get better than stop treating me like I can't make my own choices. Yeah, most of them have fucking sucked, but I don't regret what's happened after Daehra and Lucteal came into my life... I don't regret them"

Oxygen was a precious thing. Lance finding it harder and harder to breathe as his rant continued in the now silent room. Crossing the space, Lucteal sat beside him, his hand moving to rub at Lance's back in comfort, but only causing his skin to prickle. Sensing his discomfort, the young empath removed his hand   
"Leandro, we would be most grateful if you would accompany us. But if you feel you need to be here too, or on Daibazaal, we will also understand. This is our family's matter. We will think no less of you"  
"I want to be there for both of you..."  
Lance severely regretted blowing up. Keith hadn't said anything, only making his anxieties worse. Clapping his hands, Coran made him flinch away from the unexpected noise  
"I think we should all take a moment. A death is a tragic thing. Lance is correct, we can open a wormhole to your planet. We can also open one from your planet to ours if you require one. He is also correct. The Atlas will be here within this phoeb. Then there will be much work to be done. We on New Altea are happy to be of assistance"

Tuning out on Coran, Lance was distracted by the soft whine from under the bed. Kosmo crawling out on his stomach, shaking himself off, then moving to nudge at Lance's leg with his nose   
"I don't like this"  
Lance's chest grew tighter   
"But they are your team. If... if you're going, Kosmo is going with you to protect you. You're keeping your comms on at all times, and you're calling every quintant at least twice. I want to know the moment you get there, and how long you'll be there. I don't want to be the kind of boyfriend that stops you being there for a friend. I just... I want you to start realising you're not indestructible. You were seriously wounded, and you're still recovering from it in more ways than one. I'm also seriously worried over the king's death. We have no information. This could have been one of Kre'el's men finishing the job... I just... I don't want to lose you. Or have to sit there and watch you in another pod. Or watch you push yourself so hard you can't even walk straight... I don't want my husband coming back to me in a body bag..."  
"He won't. You have my promise that if it was to come to it, I would give my life for Leandro"  
Lucteal was firm, yet Lance didn't want anyone giving their lives for him. The tone of Keith's voice had slowly started loosening the tight feeling, but he didn't know if he had his panic attack under control again. He knew Keith had said something profound for him, but his mind had already started taking an eraser to it.

"Then it is settled, Lance will go with Lucteal and Daehra, with Kosmo. While Keith will return to Daibazaal. Daehra, you said your people aren't as medically advanced as Earth or Altea. Would you and Lucteal like to come with and see if there is anything suitable here that might help your people? I'll also need the coordinates of your planet"  
"Thank you, Coran. We'll begin preparations"

 

*  
Keith watched as Daehra, Lucteal and Coran left the room. Lance was sitting in the bed with Kosmo rubbing his face against his legs. He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all. He didn't want to leave Lance's side, and possibly have a repeat of what happened last time happen again. Slowly walking over to Lance, he flopped down on the bed with a weary sigh. A hand going to the small of Lance's back  
"I know I shouldn't have gotten mad... and I shouldn't have snapped over the date. I know you wanted me to be happy, I want that for you too. I'm sorry for not getting it. And not being amazing at making up stories. I guess being out here with them makes it all too real. I don't want to lose you. I love you more than anything... and now you're going somewhere I can't reach you again. I... I don't know what to do anymore. I know we have our jobs, and I know I'm supposed to act accordingly. I don't want to throw this all on Shiro and leave, but I want you there for it. You deserve answers. You deserve to look her in the face and have your questions answered... God. I didn't expect we'd come back to this... I haven't even asked you about your therapy..."

Keith jumped when Lance dropped back against him. Not laying down, but also not sitting up properly   
"Coran knew I'd been raped. He saw it on the scans and didn't want to pressure me into talking when I wasn't ready. He knew you knew and were supporting me. And he knew talking too soon wouldn't help... Tor'al was... she's too happy. I couldn't talk freely because she has so many hopes and dreams over Voltron. I could barely talk to her at all, and most of what I did talk about was being a Paladin. So I talked to Coran. I tried to let him. I'm trying to let him in. He doesn't know about my heats. He doesn't know I was pregnant... I don't think so at any rate. I don't think he knows what to do about my body at all. I still feel the urge to shut down when I'm talking to him. To blow it off and laugh, or make some stupid joke, and I'm still waiting for him to laugh at me like I expect everyone to do. But you and Shiro wanted me to let him in. He doesn't always get it... I don't think he's what I need in a therapist, but I really respect the fact that he didn't blurt out to everyone I was raped. I've done that enough. Brought everyone down with the thought. And I didn't not enjoy our date. It's stupid. Especially being in space, but I'm scared of the dark. Not the dark where there's light around, but that thick dark that's like the astral plain. That thick cold dark that stretches on and on, where no one is there. Shiro could connect to Black and see us. Feel us. Hell, he could even try to reach out to us... but when I died, I didn't have that. I didn't become one with Red. In the pod. I was in that black again. I loved seeing how happy you were riding the hoverbike and it was fun... but when we went over those bumps and cliffs, I didn't know if I was ever going to touch the ground again... my head has become a mess. I'm scared of things I don't even know about, and my sense of pain is back... more back than it was before. Probably because I've been through a cycle in the pod. So now what do we do? I need to make sure Annla is alright, and that Daehra and Lucteal won't lose more people. I know there might even be Altean shifters on the planet. There might even be shifters here... it's not like I'm intending on getting myself blown up. I think I need to do this for me too, you know? Let myself see that you're safe and sound, and will be alright without me being by your side all the time. Not that I'm not going to miss you like quiznak. I just need to breathe a bit"

Keith let Lance's words hang as he thought about how to reply. It was a lot all at once, and nothing was soothing this burning need to protect Lance from everything in existence. The little voice in the back of his mind had hoped Lance would say "yes" to his ultimatum. It was a crappy and cruel thing to do. Lance stank of pain because of his words, and he'd thrown more at him when he was trying to bring himself out of a panic attack. He was scared. Scared of feeling like he had when Lance had run. Scared of feeling like the had when his lover was in the healing pod. Scared of this thing between breaking if they weren't together. They'd barely had time to find their feet   
"Keith, you know it won't be forever. I don't think I want to be there longer than a movement if possible. Two if there's some kind of inheritance ceremony..."  
Lance had kept him waiting for two movements while he slept just beyond his reach, and that had been awful. His coping mechanisms and focus had gone to shit now that he realised the difference the love between a lover and a brother. He'd still go to heaven, hell, and everywhere in between to help Shiro out, but Shiro had Curtis now. He needed to respect that and work on finding his own balance with Lance. He just didn't know how to do that yet. He wasn't over his trauma. He wasn't over Lance losing a finger, and nearly his life. Not like Lance was. No. He wasn't. But he wanted more than just sitting in bed all day. If Keith was in his position, he'd be exactly the same. Still, knowing didn't mean he knew how to loosen the reins either. He didn't want to smother Lance, but he did. He didn't want to keep Lance by his side all the time, but he did. He didn't want to stop Lance from living his life and achieving his dreams... but... he did if he wasn't part of them. Since Lance had nearly died on the table, some primal part of him had been activated. Like a flicked switch. Instincts he could only attribute to being a "Galra" thing seemed to have come to life. Keith didn't know that what he was feeling was fear manifesting its self in the million ways it could. His constant fussing feeding the little voices that dreamed up all the "worst-case" scenarios. Lance had got to the same end point as him, before he'd managed to. He needed Lance to be safe and breathing, without him smothering him. He needed to straighten his head out. And he couldn't do that if he kept giving into instinct after instinct. Lance had survived well enough before he came searching for Guile. It hadn't been great, but he was smart. Plus Daehra and Lucteal knew what a panic attack was now. The could probably feel one coming before Lance could. So maybe they'd be able to feel if anyone was harbouring ill will towards Lance? Though, their abilities hadn't picked up on Kre'el and Lasandi's deceptions... 

Keith shook his head. There was too much in his mind. He'd never escape the spiral if he didn't make the effort to see past the bad. He'd come so far since finding Shiro again. He was nearly 25. He was a grown arse man who could survive his boyfriend not being there for a movement or two. Yep. He totally could...  
"I get it, babe. I'm going to miss you so fucking much"  
Rolling over, Lance leaned in to kiss him   
"I'm going to miss you too, but this isn't forever. I know it sucks after last night's date, but if it was a member of your team, you'd want to be there, right?"  
His team didn't have a family anymore. Lotor saw to that... but if it was his mother, he'd want to be there and his team would... He got it. He did... Lance wasn't abandoning him  
"I want to be there for them as well... but it's better you go. You're better with people than I am... and maybe they'll make you give a speech or something"  
Lance shook his head, his lips still close to Keith's   
"They wouldn't dare. I don't want to like, leave you, you know that. And I'm just as scared about being apart, but I need to do this. I need to... I need to think. I'll still call you, and Coran, plus I'm going to be on a whole planet of empaths, with Kosmo. If worst comes to worst, I'll get Coran to open a wormhole and leave the others there... or they might even decide to stay there... basically, none of us know what's going to happen. I know we're supposed to be getting ready now, but I want to take a nap with my boyfriend. Can we take a nap?"  
"Yeah, babe. I've missed cuddling you"  
"I know it's hard..."  
"It's hard, yet you keep trying. It only makes me love you more, you idiot"  
Lance gave a small yawn as he spoke  
"And they saaaay romance is dead. Get over here Casanova, I have cuddles to have"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when everyone loves you so much, they can smother you with you love... and that makes things worse. Our boy needs a break so he can figure things out for himself without someone rushing to fix it all for him...


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I tried asking the question on tumblr and got like no response. Where do you want prt 1 to end and prt 2 to start? Part 2 takes place 6 phoebs after part 1 ends...

Returning to Daibazaal was a shock to the system. Keith hadn't forgotten that 90 per cent of the planet was bathed in purple and grey hues, but having spent time on the "always sunny" New Altea, and his side adventures... The colours of his home planet of the past however many phoebs only served to grate on his nerves. There was no reason everything had to be so damn purple... He was sick of purple, and even sicker of being back amongst the Blade members who never spoke. The moment his feet had touched the ground, he'd been summoned by Kolivan to give a full, and very detailed report, of everything that had happened at the outpost and then onboard the Altean prison ship. Sans a few small details such as his falling behind Lance, and Lance having a few mental hiccups. They didn't need to know the things said between them in the few small moments they stole for themselves. For vargas, he'd sat across from the stoney faced Kolivan, who gave nothing away as he filled him. No. Kolivan saved all his questions for after Keith was done, forcing him to practically repeat everything all over again. It wasn't like the man could just watch the debrief in his own time. Keith had had more important things to do, like returning to his old room and passing out until Lance next called him. That'd been one nice thing about ignoring the outside world in favour of spending time with Lance, he'd been "allowed" to neglect his comms. Lance had said his works comms had blown up with calls and messages, once they'd cleared the wormhole and landed safely. Keith didn't like his lover turning his work comms back on. It'd been provided by Kre'el. It could be tracked by her people now that it was active again... Lance, on the other hand, insisted it was fine. The jury was still out on that one.

The first movement apart from his boyfriend was the worst. With the time differences, Lance calling to say good morning was actually closer to mid-afternoon for Keith, meaning if he wanted to say goodnight, Keith would have to stay up until the middle of the night, something that was clashing with Kolivan working them all to the bone to make sure the influx of prisoners weren't being mistreated or suffering from being on the Galra homeworld. It felt to the half-Galra that his head would only just hit the pillow, then someone would be knocking on his door to inform him he needed to be off doing something or other.

The second movement was only marginally better. But that was because of Shiro... The Atlas would be arriving at the start of the following movement. Pidge had started a group call, where both he and Lance were yelled at for leaving her out the loop and for nearly dying, then not bothering to call. The angry little gremlin had held out longer than he'd expected when it came to the group call... but her ranting soon became too much for Lance, Lance politely excusing himself to deal with "funeral matters" and hanging up before Pidge could demand answers over that. Somehow Hunk had known about the death of the King, Keith more than happy to let him explain things to the "gossip deprived" woman. With how often she and Hunk still spoke, Keith wouldn't have used those words to describe her, yet she did. In the background of the conversation, Shiro was humming and making the necessary sounds to sound like he was listening, but Keith was sure he'd also lost interest in the conversation once Lance had hung up. His boyfriend hadn't said all that much, aware of how disregarded Lance had felt, Shiro had made an effort to try and wrangle Pidge in so he could explain what he was comfortable to explain. Before he really knew what was happening, the conversation had moved past the King and looped back onto Lance. Pidge seemed personally offended no one had told her that Lance had lost most of his little finger the moment it was discovered, she was also scheming on making him a replacement finger, which Keith wasn't sure would go over well. Lance was touchy about his hand. On the moments he forgot about it, he'd hold hands happily, but when he remembered... He'd stare at the stump for vargas if someone didn't stop him. With Pidge knowing, Keith wasn't sure how to ask her to act like she didn't. This was Lance's... it wasn't a problem, or an issue, yet he didn't have another word for it. It was something Lance needed to work out. And something Lance would talk about when he was ready.

Aside from Lance's calls, Keith was also getting daily updates from Daehra. The Cuban had had three panic attacks, and a screaming nightmare that'd left him shaken and unable to climb out of bed for the rest of that quintant... When Keith had called that night, Lance had been sleepy and quite, leaving Keith to carry the conversation until Lance visibly relaxed and finally gave him the tiniest of smiles. Since returning to Daehra and Lucteal's home planet, Lance was keeping busy. Daehra said his emotions were more even when he was. She also informed him that Lance missed him so much that his emotions had started to affect Lucteal, who'd accidentally let slip that he "may also miss, Keith". Things had gotten a little shaky between him and Lance after Daehra unknowingly dobbed Lance in. His boyfriend, in all his infinite wisdom, had accepted a few small jobs for a couple of rebel groups, and planets needing trade moved between them... They hadn't talked for a whole quintant and a half. Keith doing everything he could to squash the urge to steal a ship, open a wormhole, then go shake Lance stupid. He would of if the arsehole hadn't called him a real and proper smile on his face. His stupid blue eyes shimmering with happiness, and his enthusiasm evident as he word vomited out how they'd just saved a whole planet from starving or something like that. Lance knew Keith was weak to that smile. He knew it and he turned it on him anyway... The wanker followed up his happy ramblings, by telling Keith they'd been staying on an extra movement, due to the fact they had to pick prisoners up. With the outpost gone, Erathus missing its chief of police and the Atlas's meddling, bounty hunters didn't know who'd honour bounties, or what to do with their catches. Most had seen Daibazaal as too far. They couldn't keep a prisoner indefinitely, but they didn't want to lose out on the cash for the catch. Lance had had them all take them to Erathus with promise of payment. Erathus had cracked the shits, trying to pass the responsibility on to both Daibazaal and the Atlas... or anyone who wasn't them, and being the meddling idiot he was, his husband had decided Keith needed a vacation present of paperwork. Again, they didn't speak for a quintant and a half... until Keith caved and admitted it was better that they weren't out there causing trouble for the universe.

In the end, the Atlas arrived a full movement before Lance and his team did. Shiro might have brought the larger number of prisoners, but Lance brought... a fucking headache and a half. Because it was Lance, and because the goddamn universe was a quiznakking quiznak, when the ramp to the Telula's cargo bay opened, and his boyfriend came jogging down to meet him, Keith wasn't met with a warm "hello". He wasn't met with a hug either. He was met with a black case roughly large enough to fit a small child in, a boyfriend with a half-healed split lip, slightly black eye, and a yell of "get that somewhere safe, and away from me"... before Lance went jogging back up the ramp of his ship and promptly started bossing Galra soldiers around as the prisoner transfer began. Left standing there with the black case in his hands, Keith was still glaring at the Telula when Shiro finally decided to make his "not so grand arrival" by slipping up to Keith's side and acting like he'd been there the whole time   
"What's in the case?"  
"I have no fucking idea"

No. Like an idiot, he stood there. Lance busy being bossy, Shiro laughing, Kosmo ignoring him, and prisoner after prisoner being moved off the ship. Growing angrier and angrier over being ignored, Keith's temper got the better of him as he dropped to squat down with the case on the ground in front of him. Popping the lid clasps, he'd barely got the lid up when he set eyes on the first bag of bright pills. Near apocalyptic rage rose inside the half-Galra, a loud growl escaping him as he locked it tightly   
"Keith?"  
"I'm going to kill that little shit. He's such a fucking stubborn dick!"  
Rising to his feet, Keith wanted to smack Lance over the head with the case. Shiro sighed deeply, there was no need to ask who the "stubborn dick" was  
"What did he do?"  
"Oh, just fucking picked another fight with space pirates. Take this to... fuck. No. We can't fucking do that..."  
He couldn't simply give Shiro the case to give to his mother with instructions to have it destroyed. She'd snoop into it  
"Keith?"  
"Never mind. Make sure he doesn't escape"  
Keith had no idea what to do with a case full of drugs. This was Daibazaal. He had stuff all privacy here. Out of everything Lance could have brought along... it had to be drugs. How many pills had he popped since they parted?! How many times had he been high when they talked? Keith was beyond furious. Lance said he wanted to get clean, so why bring this shit all the fucking way to Daibazaal, then tell him to "keep it away"? Where was the logic in that? 

So angry at Lance that he wasn't watching where he was going, he walked straight into his mother, barely keeping his hold on the case as they bounced back from the impact   
"Keith! I'm sorry, I've been rushing thanks to Koli-... and you look angry. What happened? Where's Lance?"  
"Goddamn idiot..."  
His mother frowned at his choice of words  
"He's busy with the prisoner transfer"  
"And you're mad because he hasn't talked to you?"  
"What? No. As if... sorry, I've got to do something..."  
Yeah. There was that... but the black case was even more worrying than his boyfriend being weird. Lance was regularly weird... Maybe he was being weird because he was high?  
"Keith?"  
Blinking at his mother, Keith nodded before scurrying off as fast he could politely. He didn't know what to do with the damn case... His room. He'd have to stash it in his room. As long as Lance didn't know it was there, there wouldn't be a problem.

Keith made it to his room with his heart racing. No one had questioned what was in the case, yet every time he passed someone, he was sure they would. Throwing open the door to the room, he was just as surprised by the occupants as they were of his arrival. Sitting on his bed, Kosmo was thumping his tail happily, while Daehra, Zak, Tobias, Lucteal and another unknown person were all looking like they were in the middle of a very heated discussion. The look of relief on Daehra's face, and Kosmo's proudly thumping tail should have clued him in much faster to what happened than it did   
"Keith! Thank the stars. Kosmo brought us here, but we have no idea where here is!"  
"Oh. Shit... Hang on..."  
This was awkward. Carrying the case over to his bed, he shoved the unwanted thing as far under as he could before reemerging, Kosmo practically leaping off the bed and onto him in the same heartbeat he mentally said "goodbye" to the case  
"You're a quiznakking menace. Sorry, he's used to teleporting me back to my room after a mission..."  
Starting to lick at his face, Keith was trapped under his dopey wolf, Kosmo had advanced to his whole body shaking with happiness, unsure where to place his big paws  
"Down! Off! You know better than this!"  
Kosmo might have known better, but he didn't let it show. Keith having to use more strength than normal to push him away. Climbing to his feet, he shot wiped his hands on his pants   
"This is your chambers?"  
"Yeah, sorry about this guys. I thought you'd all be on the ship"  
Daehra nodded  
"We did too. Was that an evidence case I saw you with?"  
"A what?"  
"An evidence case?"  
"Um, maybe? Why don't I show you guys back to the ship... and I should probably introduce myself to your friend?"  
The stranger in question turned to him   
"I can see why Leandro likes you. He is much cuter in person"  
Lucteal rolled his eyes  
"Keith, this is Th'al. She's a bounty hunter. She's supposed to be on Erathus, but Le-Lance dragged her along with us"

Th'al... the name sounded familiar...

"As nice as this is, may we please walk and talk? I was in the middle of something when Kosmo teleported us here"  
Keith gave a nod. Why was Th'al so familiar? And why did Lance have an evidence case full of drugs?  
"I'll give you the tour as we walk"

 

*  
Standing under the hot water of the shower on board the Telula, Lance was trying to wash every trace of vomit from his skin. Keith had those weird Galra senses, and if his boyfriend smelt vomit on him, he'd probably jump to all the wrong conclusions. It was bad enough he'd sent him off with a case full of drugs that the Erathus police had dumped on him. There were also multiple cases of weapons... something Keith would be more accepting of. He could only pray that Keith hadn't opened the case yet, or didn't storm in on him until he'd had a chance to get clean. Throwing up down his front as the tried to reach the bathroom hadn't been on his to-do list. The change in his "medication" hadn't gone over well with his body. He'd been sick as a dog for most of the second and third movements away from Keith but stubbornly refused to tell him. Daehra was already keeping Keith in the loop on most things, and it hadn't been like he'd been in that bad of a situation away from his lover. He'd practically been an intergalactic delivery boy for the first movement, helping prepare for the funeral of the King, who'd died of an ordinary heart attack. So there'd been flying around and collecting supplies, dropping them off, and given he was already flying around out there, he picked up a few small jobs for rebels. He attempted to be the best commander he could be, and to also keep his mind as busy as he could so he could focus on something other than missing Keith. Which he did... more than words could admit. But at the same time, he'd missed his job. Going back out there and talking with everyone had reminded him that while Kre'el had set him up, they'd actually made their own connections and managed to help people, without it being some grand plan to ensnare him. It soothed something in him that he didn't think could ever be fixed. 

Plus, the missions had been so safe for the most part that Annla had come along to explore space with the rest of them. The pint-sized princess tried her hardest not to let it all show, her lip would wobble, or she'd sniffle, so he'd wanted to do something to help make her feel better. In the end, she broke down wailing while sitting in his lap on the bridge, Lance taking her down to his room where she cuddled into him and he sang to her in Spanish until she'd fallen asleep.

It'd been the second movement that'd been all the drama. One of the king's "illegitimate" sons had tried to kill the queen. Naturally, he had no chance of keeping those plans in check when he was an empath living on a planet of empaths. The idiot was one of the prisoners who was supposed to be on his ship. Instead, Lance had dropped on him on Erathus when he'd stopped by to confirm everything to do with the prisoners he'd be bringing him with today. It was a bitch of a trip, yet either because they were scared of the Atlas, or had realised how much of a colossal group of dick wads they were, they'd opened wormholes for them. Lance liked to think it was option two, but knew in his heart it was definitely option one. The presence of the Atlas had thrown the whole region of space into a panic. People weren't happy at all that Earth was interfering. There was a way things ran out there, and it wasn't under the thumb of the law.

It was also on Erathus that Lance made a snap decision he was sure Keith would be pretty angry over. Even if it was for Lance, and Lance thinking about his future. With everyone being arrested, people disappearing, a whole heap of relatively irate bounty hunters without any idea what to do... He'd made a side trip to The Gilded Cage. Yes. Keith would have killed him if he knew, but thankfully space-time was slightly different so it didn't affect his schedule. He'd also... kind of... brought the club. As well as another property out towards Ghazex and Thatus. Since Kre'el had been taken into custody, the time dilation and pockets had decreased. Not everywhere, but enough for the residents to notice things didn't line up anymore. So the base he'd purchased was from a rebel faction relocating. Before that, it'd been a Galra outpost... but Lance had a small plan. He wanted to run The Gilded Cage much as it had been. A hot spot for busts, and where the prostitutes would still be protected. Naturally, he was happy to help resettle them if they wanted to, but most enjoyed the line of work and made the choice for themselves. Leah had moved on, but a few of the others were still there and ecstatic he was taking ownership. The property was wildly expensive, yet with whispers of what the previous owners had been up to, they were having a hard time shifting it out of fear someone from Kre'el's group would turn up and cause trouble.

The second property he'd brought was the one that had his heart racing with nerves. Lance loved the Telula. He would always love his girl. He'd love her until they both grew old and died together, but it wasn't the kind of place to have a heat on. It wasn't the kind of place that Keith and his team could swing by and stay on. And there wasn't grass or game for Kosmo... So... he'd kind of bought a house. A base of operations off the Telula, where they could rest and relax... and where maybe, Keith would want to live with him when they had downtime. Somewhere that wasn't Daibazaal, and somewhere that wasn't Erathus. A kind of neutral ground with amazing shielding capabilities built-in... He knew he was being stupid buying the place without asking Keith first, but the rebels needed out because the whole time issue was causing injuries, and he wanted somewhere to call home.

Scrubbing at his hair, Lance triple checked every last bit of conditioner was rinsed free before turning the taps off. The floral scents bombarding his nose almost brought tears to his eyes with their potency. The change of medication may have caused the vomiting, but the real kicker at the moment was his nerves. Now that he'd stepped out the shower, he found himself stuck with fear. Galra had been on his ship. Galra he didn't know, had been walking all over his ship and leaving their scents behind. They were Krolia and Kolivan's men, but Lance didn't know them. He didn't know what was waiting for him once he opened the bathroom door. He didn't know if he was going to be attacked, or if he was going to be dragged along the hall to his room and... Lance's ears pricked up at the sound of heavy footsteps, snagging his towel off the counter, he rushed to kneel in front of the toilet, throwing up a weak and watery mouthful as he struggled for breath, his body to trying to vomit when there was nothing left to throw up.

"Lance?"  
His name was called softly before there was a light knocking on the door. His heart still pounding, despite the knocking coming from Shiro. He didn't know how to look Shiro in the face. He'd basically forced the man into waiting while he was running around and trying out to settle as many things as he could before coming to Daibazaal given he had no idea how long he'd be here  
"Give me a dobosh! I just got out the shower!"  
"Ok. I just wanted to let you know the prisoners and crates have been removed"  
"Thanks! Wait, are you the only one here?"  
"Yeah... are you ok?"  
Was he ok? No. Not really...  
"Let me get dressed. Just wait there!"  
"Alright. Don't rush, I'm not going anywhere"

He was such a coward. It took Shiro guarding his door for him to feel safe enough to detangle himself from the floor and dry off, before pulling on a new bodysuit and dressing over it. The last part of the outfit was a nice pair of gloves he'd picked on Erathus. They hid the fact he was missing a finger, and hid his mottled hand. Annla had been most distraught, wanting to know what happened to "pinky promises" when there was no pinky there. Reassuring her that they all transferred to his other pinky, she hadn't been sure. Hitting the panel for the door, he stayed a step back, in the safety of the bathroom until Shiro gave him a small smile  
"Everything alright?"  
"Do you want the honest answer?"  
"I can smell vomit in the air..."  
Swearing softly, he realised he forgot to flush... or brush his teeth  
"It's fine... kind of. Can you not leave just yet?"

Moving to the bathroom counter, Lance grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste, squirting far too much onto the bent bristles, behind him, Shiro moved to the flush the toilet then leaned against the wall. Self-conscious, he rushed through brushing the inside of his mouth, and rinsing, tasting blood as he did from how rough he'd been  
"Lance. You need to take a breath. What's going on? Keith said something about drugs?"  
Rinsing his mouth again, Lance realised this was why Shiro was lingering. He wanted to know if he'd been shooting up again, or swallowing down handfuls of pills to cope. Wiping his mouth on his sleeve, he finally turned from the mirror  
"Police evidence. Erathus didn't want to deal with them. I would have turfed them out the airlocks, but I kind had all four filled with prisoners. Apparently, the fear of being injected into space works better than asking them to behave alone. I take it Keith opened the case?"  
"He was mad at you for disappearing again. I think he was hoping for a touching reunion"  
Lance signed. He hadn't thought it appropriate in front of everyone  
"Great. Now he's going to jump to the wrong idea. I didn't want them. I haven't taken any of them..."  
Shiro raised an eyebrow, silently questioning why he'd been showering, and what had caused him to vomit  
"I swear. Daehra's helping me come off the red stuff... but the reduced doses have me throwing up"  
"You're coming off? That's... well done"  
A genuine smile formed on Shiro's lips  
"It was always the plan. We tried it before and I had a seizure or two... something like that... It's... not that easy to talk about..."  
"I didn't mean to push. I just wanted to know if you're ok. It smells pretty awful in here"  
"It does? Do I smell? Do I smell like vomit? I wanted to talk to Keith about it when... well... before anyone else. Properly... I... I can't tell, there's too many smells..."  
Raising a hand to his chest, he rubbed, trying to remove the tight feeling  
"Whoa. Calm down... How about we get some fresh air? I can't smell anything other than... kind of like a dead mouse? You're safe on the vomit part"  
At least Lady Luck had his back there... Shiro had no idea what he was talking about. He was probably blissfully living his life without his nose clogged by unknown Galra scent  
"Yeah... I'll need to air her out... Can we...?"  
"Sure"

Staying close to Shiro, Lance held his breath for as long as he could. Gasping for breath once they were free of the source of the pungent scents that seemed to have followed them out. Leaning with his palms against his knees, the Cuban kept his head down as he tried not to throw to again   
"Lance, if you're not feeling well"  
"It's the smells"  
"Smells?"  
"It's a... its a thing now... Don't worry buddy, I'm not pregnant or anything"  
Shiro let out a laugh  
"That's one thing I don't need to worry about with you and Keith. But are you sure you're going to be alright to walk?"  
"Yeah. Let me get my mask on. It filters smells for me"  
Krolia's scent had been like Keith's. Acxa, Ezor, and Zethrid's individual scents weren't great, but he knew they were friendly. He knew most of Daibazaal was now that it'd been resurrected and freed from corruption. He hadn't wanted to resort to using his mask, but the scents were too much. Pulling his mask up to sit just under his eyes and light marks, he nodded at Shiro   
"So where's Keith?" And where's my team?"  
"I don't know. Keith told me not to let you escape"  
"That means he's going to come back, right?"  
"I would say so? I can call him?"  
"No. No. It's ok. He's probably going to yell at me as it is... How's the last movement been?"

As Shiro moved to lean against the ramp of the Telula in the shade, Lance followed. The metal poking into his back felt like the only thing keeping him up  
"Busy. Mostly prisoner things. Kre'el refuses to talk. She will only talk to you, but her health has taken a downturn. She wasn't impressed I shot her"  
Lance cringed. Kre'el wasn't constructive in pulling himself out his mood   
"Sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up when you're obviously not feeling alright. How was the funeral?"  
He was anxious and on edge, but functional. That was the best he could do until his brain finally got the message that not all Galra scents were threatening   
"Simple. Nice. He was cremated, then one of his sons tried to kill the queen. So there was that. Plus, we had a metric ton of work to do. Things really went to quiznak without us out there. The police don't want to honour bounties. The bounty hunters just want to do their jobs. Annla didn't want me to leave, though she was cranky that Keith wasn't there. Kosmo was nearly cuddled to death by her... She said she was sad to see me leaving, but I think it was more Kosmo she was sad over... most of what happened I have to talk over with Keith... So like I said, I don't mind delaying the lecturing"  
"That bad? He said you got into a fight with space pirates?"  
"Yeah... but how did he know that?"  
"Oh, maybe your face?"  
Lance blushed, looking away and down to the ground  
"It wasn't space pirates"  
"What?"  
"My face. I had a dizzy spell and face planted in the bathroom. Got myself on the counter... Space pirates sounds cooler... let's just go with space pirates?"  
"I think Keith would be more relieved with the truth"  
"I think I've embarrassed myself in front of him too much as it is"  
"He missed you"  
"I know. I missed him too..."  
"You know Lance. I... I don't know what to say... I feel like we keep butting heads and I don't want things to be like that. So I'm just going to tell you, I'm proud of you. I know I keep coming down hard on you, and you don't always deserve it. When we were on the castle, with everyone together, it was so much easier to keep an eye on everyone. Now we're not, I can't help but worry. And sometimes I let that show in the wrong ways. There were a lot of things you were right on, and I don't think I've told you just how proud I am. And I'm proud that you've been working hard to get clean. You've always worked harder than everyone. Even if Keith does get mad, I hope you know you can talk to me"  
Lance coughed, uncomfortable at the praise from Shiro. He understood where Shiro was coming from. Keith was his precious little brother. Hell, he was more like Keith's father than anything  
"There's still a lot to work on. I plan to work on it... Um... Thank you. On the ship. The people who tortured me were mostly Galra and I know it was stupid to freak out, but I can still smell them"  
"It wasn't stupid. Keith was a big help with my PTS when we... were sent out here"  
Lance had never liked to pry over Shiro's PTS, but he wanted to let Shiro know he was there too... if he wanted to talk about it  
"It does get better, doesn't it?"  
"Yeah. Yeah. Therapy will help. So does having someone who understands. What happened to you... I'm ashamed to say that it brought up a lot for me too. It doesn't make my behaviour ok, though"  
"Shiro, you don't need to be ashamed. You let your Space Dad get a bit out of control. Ok. So maybe, give yourself a break?"

When Shiro didn't reply, things fell quiet. A good five doboshes passing before Keith returned with Lance's team in tow. Patting his shoulder, Shiro leaned down whisper  
"He won't be mad if you explain things to him"  
"I need him to calm down first..."  
"Why don't I take your team to get settled? Keith already said you'd be sharing his quarters with him"  
Lance had been hoping to stay on the Telula. Once the scent of other people finally quiznakked off  
"Of course he did..."  
"It'll be fine. He missed you like crazy. He loves you and you love him. Now go talk to him"

Unprepared to be suddenly propelled, Lance folded like a cheap suit as he was pushed towards Keith, his boyfriend rushing over to his side  
"Babe? Are you ok?"  
"Yeah. Shiro pushed me too hard and I tripped. I see you kidnapped my team?"  
"Kosmo teleported them to my room... Why do you smell so upset? And why's your mask up?"  
Lance scrunched his brow, he still hadn't been able to meet Keith's gaze, despite feeling his fixed on his cheek  
"You're not mad? Why aren't you mad?"  
"Because you're not alright. Look, why don't we take a walk? Can you get up? We can head up to our quarters on the Telula?"  
"No! No... Can we go somewhere... where no one else is around"  
Yelling at his boyfriend after three long movements of separation was the last thing he wanted to do  
"It's ok. I get the feeling there's a lot we need to talk about"  
Oh, Dios... that didn't sound like it was going to be fun at all...

 

Lance thought Keith would blow his lid before they'd even walked away from where the Telula was parked, but they'd barely made it out of sight before Keith pushed him up against the nearest available wall. Burying his face against Lance's covered neck, Keith let out a long breath   
"I'm mad at you. Mad at you for that case and mad at you for not looking happier to see me, but god. I missed you..."  
Moving to pull his mask down, Lance returned the embrace. Greedy as he breathed as much of Keith's scent as he could, letting it chase his fears away. Yes, he could smell Keith's anger, but he could also smell his love. Feeling him move, Keith raised his head, pressing his lips against Lance's in a fierce possessive kiss. Moaning slightly into the kiss, Lance's melted into him. His body chanting his lover's name. Breaking the kiss, Keith smiled  
"Don't dismiss me like that"  
Nuzzling into Keith's face, Lance sniffed loudly  
"Noted... Sorry... you smell really good. I've missed you and your scent so much"

Between his legs was growing wet, he could feel Keith half-hard against him, but being the respectful boyfriend he was, he backed off.

"You do too... smell, good I mean. I think I overreacted and I'm really hoping you can tell me what that case was about"  
Rolling his eyes at his accidental-husband, Lance then sighed when Keith didn't seem impressed   
"Erathus police said we needed to talk all the evidence. Shiro told me you looked. I haven't touched any of it. Not that I didn't have the cravings. Daehra's trying to lower that red party stuff again, so I'm pretty nauseous thanks to the lower dose"  
Groaning, Keith covered half his face with his hand  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you. I saw your face..."  
"I promise no space pirates did this to my face... but some stuff has happened in the last few quintants that we should talk about"  
"Like why we can't go on the Telula?"

Shifting at the uncomfortable wet feeling in his underwear it was getting worse than the uncomfortable feeling in his chest, Lance angled them so Keith was standing to his left, hiding who he was from anyone coming in their direction. He didn't want to be insulting the whole planet's population because he was messed up   
"Yeah... I've been doing what I can, but today was a bit much. So many scents... it sent me to a place I don't want to fall into again. I needed Shiro outside the door to even get out of the bathroom, and I was hoping to explain why I had a case full of drugs before you opened them. They're evidence, I promise"  
Nodding, Keith wrapped his arms around him like grabby imitation octopus boyfriend that he was. Raising his left wrist to Lance's neck, Keith rubbed softly. Lance confused as to what his lover was trying to accomplish   
"What are you doing?"  
"Trying to make you smell as much like me as I can. I don't want anyone else's scent on you, or you smelling theirs"  
"I don't know what you think that's going to accomplish, but thank you. I know they're not bad, bad babe. I don't want you thinking I hate your whole race because of what happened. I haven't been around Galra all that much in such large numbers since... it happened. The mask helps, but it still feels kind of rude"

Continuing to massage the spot he was working with his wrist, Lance let out a moan, not sure why Keith's scent was sending him crazy when he'd been two ticks off having a breakdown over it all just before he was pushed up against the wall. Tilting his neck to grant Keith more access, Keith growled softly   
"It's not rude. We discussed how Daibazaal may be an issue. I'm not mad about the mask. The only thing I don't love that hides so much of your beautiful face"  
Stupid Keith and his sincerity   
"Dios... Have I told you how much I missed you? I tried to get everything in order out there... I need to talk to you properly about it because a lot of stuff happened. Can we get out of this walkway now? I kind of need to sit"

"Kind of need to sit", somehow translated into Keith piggybacking him through the palace grounds. Lance had assumed there'd be plenty of places to sit and breath in the purple gardens, but noooooo Galra don't need to sit like the rest of the universe. Nor did they need to stop and enjoy the simple pleasures like the sun on their skin, and the grass beneath their feet. With his face hidden against Keith's neck, he didn't raise his head until he heard water. Like everything else in Daibazaal, the fountain was grey, large, and was power related. The centre feature was a hulking Galra fighting another. Carrying him a little way over to some pinkish trees, Keith lowered him down onto the bench there. Behind them, some dinosaur sounding bird squawked it's protest. Ugh. Even the wildlife were warriors.

Sitting down beside him, Keith took his left hand in both his hands. His boyfriend's purple eyes were staring right at him as Lance swallowed nervously. He didn't know where to begin, surprising both of them as he blurted out   
"I bought The Gilded Cage and a rebel complex"  
Keith's eyes widened in surprise, thought his lips told Lance it wasn't a "happy surprise"  
"You did what now?"  
"I... Surprise?"  
"Lance, you were going for a funeral. How did that end up with you transferring prisoners around, flying around the area of space that wants you dead, buying possibly the most dodgy club in the universe, and a rebel complex? What happened to the rebels? And I thought you never wanted to go back to Erathus?"  
He hadn't wanted to go back when they were trying to kill him... but it wasn't like it'd been all bad on that actual planet it's self.

"Ok... well... you know how I've been filling you in on everything that happened out there... I might have left one or two trips to Erathus out of things..."  
"Lance!"  
"I know! I knew you'd worry, but I needed to do this for myself. I needed to work somethings out for myself. That's why I went. After flying around and running deliveries, I got to see everyone again. I got to help them with their small problems and it felt amazing. So when Erathus stopped honouring bounties... I went and talked to them... more than once about it. Besides, I have friends at the club. They've all been proven not to be Kre'el's minions. The club... it's a shithole. But it's still important. For the people working there. The police and bounty hunters making busts there. And it's important to me... So I bought it for Th'al to manage... No one really wanted to buy a club where people could have been cut to pieces in it. They couldn't scrap it either, no one interesting would want to visit if it was publicly owned by the police. Between that and the outpost, I'm fucking broke"  
"Lance, what she... Kre'el did. You're not responsible for that"  
"I know that. I did this for me. I... I got to see the people we help all over again. I got to help them with their problems. Even if it was just moving cargo around. Keith. It was good for me. And I know you don't know Th'al, but she came through for me. She's a bit of a bitch, but she's a good person..."

Was he not speaking English? Or was Keith not getting it. He didn't rush around buying up property for no good reason. Th'al had also been stiffed on his bounty, paying her only 1O million GAC to keep her quiet. She was also affected by Erathus being a dick. By gifting her the club, he knew it'd be safe hands, and she'd get plenty of juicy catches... Uh, she'd put plenty of criminals behind bars.

"I met her. Kosmo teleported your whole crew to my bedroom. I feel like I know her name"  
"You do. She's the one who... dropped me off at the outpost"  
"Lance!"  
"Stop yelling my name. She was doing me a favour. Besides, she was totally stiffed on my bounty. They only gave her enough to shut her up. Besides, she agrees with me. Bounty hunters are necessary out there. As is a safe work environment for them. If it can prevent senseless death, then it's worth it. Plus, it's a safe place for Earth travellers, or it will be"  
"You nearly died..."  
"I nearly died because of Kre'el. Not Th'al, I've been hurt worse than the two blasts and the bit of the rough up she gave me"  
"That doesn't make me feel better. Did she hit you? I'll kill her..."  
Gripping his hand hard enough to give the impression that murder started with him, Lance used his right hand to loosen Keith's grip  
"She didn't hit me. I... I had a dizzy spell in the bathroom and acquainted myself with the floor. Don't you dare laugh. I've had enough mental laughter from Shiro"  
"You fell?"  
With a pout on his lips, Lance nodded. Keith's two words had shaken with forming laughter or maybe anxious worry  
"Yeah. I told you, I've been trying to come off the red stuff again. If I can get off that then I can work on the yellow stuff... Daehra's in charge of that. She's already in charge of the important ones like the contraceptives and stuff. I feel better having her in charge of them than the pills I had on Erathus... but, yeah. Like I said, I tried to get everything organised while I was over that side of space until I can get back again..."  
"Ok... as long as you're ok. You've been all over the place having adventures without me again"

Keith was the one pouting now. Holding both his boyfriend's hand, Lance wriggled sideways to give himself enough space to comfortable lean into Keith   
"It wasn't all adventures. As I said, I brought a rebel outpost. It's ex-Galra with amazing shields. Since the stuff with Kre'el went down, the time dilations have shifted out there. The rebels on the planet used to have one movement to a quintant out here. Which was great for preparation and recovery. Now they're nearly on par with outside, one quintant here is a quintant and a half there. They found another planet that the time around it has moved. So they get three quintants to one, kind of thing. Plus, it's pretty spacious. There's space for... me, and my team... and you, and Kosmo... and your team when you're on planet. There's a couple of girls who are thinking of leaving the club, so I was thinking I could bring them there. Create like a bounty hunters buy and trade spot... Daehra's got enough space to expand her medical bay and she's still in contact with Coran. She wants to pursue it for as long as she can. Lucteal is... he's a bit off still because of his father, but we're planning on having him run between the base and Thatus. We had to do a fly-by because some booked up a fighter jet and the promise of anything good, without the anything good part. Then there's Lasandi's old team who didn't know he was a traitorous arsehole. I did want to try and find a planet a bit closer to Daibazaal so you could see your family more... and you're not saying anything?"

Taking his hands out of Lance's, Lance sat back up straight as he looked to his boyfriend. Keith had his gorgeous brow drawn and a tight frown on his lips   
"Keith?"  
"You've got it all planned, don't you?"  
Lance's heart began to beat faster  
"I kind of have a plan?"  
"Why didn't you talk to me about this? You bought us an outpost? A Galra outpost? And you didn't think to tell me? I thought we were in this together"  
"We are..."  
"Then why is it for you and your team, not me and mine? Why are you planning to run off to the other side of the Galaxy? And if I'm meant to stay there, why didn't you ask me to chip in? You've got this whole life planned, and you've made all these decisions within me"  
"Keith, it's not like that"  
Throwing his hands in the air Keith was pissed, Lance flinching back  
"Then how is it?! Tell me, Lance?!"  
Lance wasn't going to cry again. Not for a second time today... Not because Keith wasn't understanding him  
"I... was thinking about us! About our future! About what I want in my life. And about you, and all of this! Things are still healing after the Galra. You've got such a big job in front of you. You want people to see the good in Galra, and the Blades still need you for that. I need... I need my job right now. I'm not ready to just settle down and leave the cleaning up to someone else. I tried that, and I was miserable. This isn't about Kre'el. This is about me. I want this. I want us to have a place where we can be us that is on neutral ground. We can't both quit our jobs and walk away. We need to transition into something else or out of it or whatever... and I want... I want something for us. Built-up by us. Together. The club is a good investment... and... I was hoping you'd like the rebel outpost... because I want to make that home out here. I don't feel like... like I belong on Earth anymore, or not at the moment. I need to... I need to be ok with myself and I chose this for my self"

Oh no. The tears were coming. He'd missed Keith so fucking much. He'd constantly gone to talk to him, or woke up confused because he wasn't there, now they were back together... He wanted to throw all that out the window and cuddle with his boyfriend, but Keith would be mad if he hid it from him. He was trying to be open and honest. Trying not to revert back to keeping his secrets and shutting everyone out... because everyone wanted him to be open and honest. All part of the recovery. He wasn't feeling very "recovered" right about now.

"Babe... I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell me about this, or ask for my advice"  
"Because I... because I knew you'd be upset. I wanted to do something for me that wasn't having a damn mental breakdown or cutting myself up to feel pain. I'm not breaking up with you. And I'm not walking out on you. I'm trying to build a stable future for me and for you. I want... I want to be able to spend... spend my heat with you, somewhere safe. If you want to... not right away... not that I don't... but in the ship isn't really sexy..."  
"But you didn't ask me to stay there permanently with you and your team"  
Lance gave a frustrated sigh  
"Because you're still working with the Blades. Your work is important to you, and they still need you. Of course, I want you there all the time, but you can't just up and move your whole life in an instant. Shiro's said you've been busy since you got back, other than the prisoner transfers, you still had Blade work right? And your mum. She would have missed you. You're the man I love. The man I just asked to look after me in my heat, when you know I freak over sex unless I'm drunk. That's a big thing to me... I know it's all going to take time and effort, and I know you want to protect me. I know and I love you for it. I won't be going out on as many missions. More support work..."  
Lance wasn't sure if it'd work out like anything he had planned in his head. He wasn't even sure they'd get around to making the outpost into something resembling his dream, but he needed to follow this through, or he'd have to suffer never knowing if it could or would have worked  
"... but if you don't want to spend my heat with me... it's ok... it's a lot..."  
Hanging his head, Lance ran out of steam. Drawing his legs up, he wrapped his arms around them and rested his head on his knee as he looked to Keith. It was a lot. It was a lot more than a lot  
"Look... you're right. It's a lot. And a lot to think about. I just... want to be part of your life. I want you to talk to me about your work and dreams... and it scares me that you'd go back out to that region of space... and that you plan to go with your team... With no back up"  
"I'll have my team. And you?"  
"Lance, sometimes my missions last for movements, even phoebs. That's... that's phoebs where we might not even be able to talk"

Lance deflated. He'd already thought of that. The Blades were still stealthy as hell. Plus, there were all the dangerous missions and everything that could go wrong on their mission. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about that, but he was also trying to think about Keith. He didn't feel like his boyfriend was ready to leave. And he wanted to try to find the harmony between work and life while they were both doing jobs they knew.

Signing Keith leaned back in the chair  
"You really want to try this, don't you?"  
"Yeah. I do... I know it was for only 3 movements, but after having to sit on the sidelines and heal for so long, I was doubting that anything that happened out there was real. That none of it was accomplished by us. It was like... like when we found out Earth had been invaded while we were gone. That Voltron hadn't even protected our home planet. That guilt of not knowing if we could have stopped things sooner. I know it's not the same thing, but that doubt was still there... It's still there... I don't know if we can organise things. I don't know if it's even going to work. I don't want to lose you..."

Letting out a shaky breath, Lance tensed as Keith pulled him into his arms. Nuzzling his hair, his boyfriend sighed yet again   
"Babe, you're not going to lose me... Just let me think about it a bit, ok? I told you I was serious about staying by your side. From the very start, I've told you that, and that I'll support you. But it's still a lot... as for your heat, I'll be there. I don't know what it's like for you, but I like it when you rely on me. It makes me feel wanted. I've always known your strong. Not everyone could throw themselves over someone to save them in the explosion. You're so fucking selfless, and it's about time you started getting what you want. Do you mind if I think about this?"  
It wasn't a no. And it wasn't a yes. It was a bed of anxiety-inducing nails  
"No. I mean yes... I think...? I knew you weren't going to be happy. Can we cuddle a bit? I'm exhausted"  
He might not have had a panic attack, but that didn't mean Lance's anxieties weren't sky-high. He hadn't even asked about Keith's work, or how the trial or whatever was happening with Kre'el was going. Plus, she wanted to talk to him. In a place filled with Galra... Would it be cowardly to ask Keith not to be left alone with people he didn't know?  
"I can smell it on you. We can go to my room and rest? I've got my own private bathroom, and no one really comes into my room. Maybe the cleaners because I've been gone for so long, or mum, or Acxa... When was the last time you had something to eat?"  
"I had breakfast this morning"  
Then thrown it all up. His stomach still didn't feel settled enough for food  
"Then can I show you my room? Give you the tour of the palace?"  
What part of "cuddle a bit because he was exhausted"? Was Keith not getting? Maybe Keith was ashamed to be seen outside with him in his arms?   
"Here, come on babe. I've got a surprise for you to"  
"Keith. I'm exhausted. Can't we stay here for a little longer?"  
Kissing his hair, Keith rubbed his arms  
"If you're tired, you'll be more comfortable in my room. I'll carry you the whole way if you want"  
And prove that he was weak? That he couldn't handle walking past a few Galra? He'd already played galactic delivery boy in front of them all  
"And ruin the little reputation I have? I'll be fine. Show me to this room of yours"  
"Good. I've had this planned since Altea"


	45. Chapter 45

Keith's world was spinning. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense he was trying to comprehend Lance owning a seedy bar, and having brought someplace he wanted to call home... in that corner of the universe. Of course, he wanted somewhere to call home with his boyfriend, but in their three movements apart seemed to have done more for Lance's mental health than all... all the time he'd spent being there for him. It wasn't that Keith wasn't happy for Lance. He'd clearly had a good time, and sure he said he'd missed him... But he'd bought a house and an outpost! He was planning a life for the both of them, without telling him about it. Keith had told him that he was happy to leave the Blades. He loved the work Lance was doing... The humanitarian side of things. Not the risking "your life" kind of things. He especially didn't like Lance living out where people wanted to kill him. How was he supposed to concentrate on missions, if all he could wonder was if Lance was even still alive? So what if the outpost had good security? It was a Galra facility originally. Any Galra would know how to bypass security. If they hacked in, they could kill his boyfriend without even lifting a finger. Not every Galra was peace-loving. Nor were the planets out there. Lance was smart and knew what was he doing, but that didn't mean something couldn't go wrong. Keith knew he didn't own Lance like he was some kind of possession, he simply worried for the Cuban... 

And, he was jealous.

Keith hated being jealous. He hated being jealous because it never did anyone any good. That and he wasn't sure how to cope with it. He hadn't had a lot to be jealous of growing up. As he'd walked through the halls with Lance, eyes had turned in their direction... Narrowed gazes, weigh shifting, harsh scents that assaulted his nose, and interest clear. The Galra they passed were quick to pull themselves in line, looking confused over what had happened to them. The effects might not have been intended, but it'd still had happened. Lance hadn't been comfortable with the attention. He'd stopped talking as he pulled his mask up to cover himself completely. The hand that been teasingly brushing against Keith's had disappeared as Lance crossed his arms. His boyfriend's fear made it hard to spring a surprise on him.

 

Sitting on his bed, Keith watched as Lance explored his room. It was possible Lance was simply walking around the place as he tried to calm do his nerves. Lance had said he was exhausted... As his boyfriend walked past the fireplace for the third time, Keith held his hand out towards him  
"Babe, come sit down. You're wearing me out with all your exploring"  
The smile Lance gave him wasn't warm and reassuring, yet it definitely wasn't a grimace  
"Your room wasn't what I expected"  
Walking over to him, Lance sat down and let himself be pulled into Keith's hold. That was something...  
"Expecting more knives?"  
"No. Maybe... yes. This is you after all"  
"I cleaned up. I wanted... things to be nice for you"  
Lance rubbed at his face  
"You're killing me here. You know this right? I don't know what's going on in your head. You glared the whole walk here. You didn't want to sit outside with me, so I didn't know if you were embarrassed to be seen with me. I just wanted to cuddle up with you and relax, but now all the Galra smells are making my head hurt, and you're being cuddly on the bed"  
Why would Keith be embarrassed to be seen with Lance? He was his husband... though accidentally, every time they let anyone in on the secret he wanted to shout it to the world. Anyone who had a problem could suck Zarkon's dick  
"You thought I was embarrassed? I thought you were tired and wanted somewhere to rest where no one would disturb us"  
Moving his hand up, Keith softly massaged Lance's scalp. His boyfriend yawning and leaning up into the touch  
"I'm so tired. I worked my arse off so I wouldn't have to think about how much it sucked not having you there. I know I didn't leap into your arms, but I wanted to make sure that no one else saw those drugs and got ideas... I was still trying to keep up "work mode", rather than ex-Paladin mode. I think I explained this before... I don't know. I'm sleepy and now I'm in your room, I'm not sure what to do"  
"You know I don't expect you to do anything. If you want to take a nap, we can totally nap. Mum knows your back. Or we can take a bath? Eat some chocolate? Throw knives at the door if anyone knocks?"

Cuddly Lance always brought out the doting side in him. His surprise now completely ruined as it slipped out  
"You have a bath? An actual bath?"  
"Yep"  
Said bath was currently half full of what was probably cold water with soggy bubbles. He'd over-prepared  
"I wish I hadn't taken a shower now. I don't think I even have the energy to bath"  
"That's alright. We have a basically the whole day before the formal dinner tonight"  
Lance's head shot up, squeaking out  
"Formal... dinner? With... other people?"  
"Didn't I tell you?"  
Yeah... Keith knew he hadn't. He might not have expected how bad Lance would react to having so many Galra around, but he was sure that Lance wouldn't be keen on having a fuss made  
"No! Keith..."  
"It's going to be Shiro's crew, my team, your team, Coran, mum, Kolivan and couple of Blades as a welcome Daibazaal"

Groaning, Lance crawled out of his hold and up the bed, laying to he was facing away from him  
"I don't need welcoming to Daibazaal... You know I'm going to freak out, right? I got trapped in my own bathroom before, and that was on my ship. My safe place"  
Climbing up behind Lance, Keith snaked his arm around his lover's waist, burying his face against Lance's shoulder   
"I'll be there. We can sit next to Coran? And you can wear your half mask? I wouldn't put you in a situation I didn't think you can handle. Mum's excited to see you. Shiro's been nervous. He was kind of upset that he didn't get to see you up and around. You heard on our call, he's been worried about you. Everyone wants you there"  
"But what about what I want? I took time to go be with my team because I wanted to be there for them, and it was good. It was... therapeutic... I mean it was only three movements, but it helped not to have everyone hovering and smothering me with love. You're allowed to because you're my husband, but you know what I mean. We nearly died. They're going to be all clingy again. Clingy is not good for your mental health when you already think you've disappointed them. Then there's the scents. I thought I was doing good... better. I was nervous about coming back, but now I'm plain scared. Seriously, the king's funeral was less scary than any of this"  
Scared and sleepy from his scent, and warm and soft in his hold  
"Then I'll protect you. You can carry your knives in your boots, wear my clothes, I'll cover you with my scent so everyone knows that you're my husband, and I won't leave you alone"  
"I shouldn't need to be babysat. Did you know it's nearly a damn year since it happened? Or to normal people's it's nearly a damn year... Three weeks. Some people go through that over and over... and they... do better than I am... I can't even translate that into phoebs. I'm being a miserable jerk. All I've done is talk. I haven't asked you anything. Tell me everything"

No one knew another's trauma. Everyone heals at different rates. Lance had come so far. It was alright to be scared given he'd only been to Daibazaal once, and it was filled massive, scary-looking Galra. Kissing his boyfriend's shoulder, Lance hummed at him  
"I'm waiting"  
"So impatient. Well, today the guy I like came back. Now he wants me to tell him all my news, but the only news I have is that my boyfriend is back"  
"And your wolf. Kosmo's back too"  
"Kosmo is a dirty rotten traitor. He's already deserted me again. I think he loves his second father more than he loves me"  
"Nah. He definitely missed you... around all the pats, treats and cuddles he was getting"  
"He was supposed to be there to guard you"  
"He did. He guarded me against sleeping alone at night. Doesn't give as good cuddles as you though"  
"I'm glad I have my uses. Nothing much was happening around here. Prisoners, prisoners and more prisoners. It's been hard trying to keep everything quiet with the media around. Kolivan isn't made to be in front of the camera"  
"Let me guess, you were always conveniently busy?"  
"Yep"  
Laughing softly, Lance wriggled back against him. Keith had had enough problems popping a semi-boner from a simple kiss, with all this wiggling, he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't do it again. Some deep primal part of him already wanted to strip Lance naked and worship every inch of his beautiful caramel skin... Yawning softly, Lance wasn't making things easy as he wriggled again, for no good reason  
"I missed you..."  
"I missed you too, babe. Get some rest, I'm right here"

 

*  
Keith had tried to stay awake and watch over Lance sleeping, but his nights sleeping on Daibazaal hadn't exactly been restful. Waking before Lance did, he found himself in a torturous heaven. Lance was grinding back against him in his sleep, while Keith had well and truly risen to the occasion. His dick throbbing in its damp confines. Quiznak. The scent coming off Lance was intoxicating, his mouth nearly watering as he tried to detach from Lance without waking him. The moment his hand started to slide from Lance's stomach, his boyfriend was grabbing his hand, pushing it down to his crotch. Quuuuuiznak... biting his lip to keep from moaning, Keith was stuck in a hard place. Ticks passing slowly as he fought back his desires. He didn't want to wake Lance up. He'd probably freak out, then get embarrassed, then start crying, or saying something was wrong with him. He'd told Lance he wasn't going anywhere... but he was likely to cum before he could stop himself. He didn't usually feel this sexually frustrated, yet with the throbbing between his legs, if he didn't do something about it, he was going to have the worst case of blue balls known to the universe. Forcefully pulling his hand back, Lance whimpered at him. Ignoring the calling sound, he bolted from the bed. Or rather he held his junk as he climbed from his bed and "walked" into his bathroom.

Stripping down his pants, his underwear was wet with precum. A sticky strand stretching from the tip of his dick to his stomach. Closing his hand around his shaft, a long moan fell from his lips as he jerked slowly. With Lance sleeping and the walls soundproof, he didn't need to worry about the noise factor, not that he could stay quiet with the smell of Lance all over him. Thumbing his slit as he moved to work the tip, his head lolled forward, orgasm racing to build. With his free hand, Keith hiked his shirt up, inhaling Lance's scent as he gave up trying to keep his cool  
"Shit... fuck... Lance... ah... mmmm... fuck... fuck..."  
Rocking his hips harder, his toes curled in his boots. The door to the bathroom sliding open as he came with a long whimper, cum splattering across the floor and dribbling across his hand as he fought to catch his breath. Shit... Quiznak... God... he'd needed that... even if it came out of nowhere. Milking the last drops of orgasm from his spent member, Keith looked down to his hand. Fuck... he'd cum a lot. Even for him, it was a lot. Groaning, Keith reached for the hand towel on the counter beside him. His gaze shifting to the mirror where he found a red-faced Lance blushing hard  
"Shit, babe... I can explain..."  
Looking to his boyfriend with his dick in his hand, Keith's high was fast fading into... mortification   
"That... wasn't what I was expecting... but it might explain a few things. You weren't in bed"  
"I uh..."  
"I noticed. Need a hand?"  
That little shit! Was he... did he?  
"Um... no. No. I've got this handled"  
"Ok... well, um... I need to take a shower. Do you... want to shower with me?"  
"Babe... Is that a good idea?"  
Lance had been scared all morning. He didn't want to push him because they'd both gotten horny in their sleep  
"I feel... like I want to shower with you. I don't want to run from this feeling with you... I feel like if I keep running, I'm only ever going to be scared..."  
"Ok..."  
Keith was hesitant... and still holding his dick. Realising this, he started to go about cleaning himself in as he gave Lance the privacy to strip. His boyfriend letting out a soft gasp as he looked towards the bath  
"Why didn't you tell me you ran a bath?"  
"Oh. I didn't want you to feel forced. It's just water"  
Lance huffed at him   
"It's not just water. It's effort. I feel even more like a dick now..."  
Lance didn't have a reason to feel like a dick. Keith definitely did... given he'd just been feeling his dick. He should have just gone for the blue balls   
"It's not like the bath is going anywhere. We can save that for another time"  
"That's not the point. You were being all romantic, and I was focused on everything else..."  
"You're fine. Hurry up and get undressed, it's cold with no pants on"  
"Really, you look pretty hot to me"  
"You're a shit"

 

Turning on and adjusting the shower taps, Keith was conscious of how loud his heart was beating. Lance was acting weird... and hot... and he definitely shouldn't be starting to form another semi so soon. As a cool hand slipped around his waist towards his hip, Keith turned before Lance could slip that hand lower. Met with a lusty look, and hooded eyes, Keith was pushed back as Lance's lips found his, the kiss was hard and hungry, Lance grinding up against him as he moaned sweetly into Keith's mouth. Confused, shocked, then thinking with his dick, Keith's hands moved to Lance's arse, massaging as he hungrily kissed his boyfriend back. Fuck... his whole body was burning... breaking the kiss, Lance nipped at his bottom lip, before kissing it softly   
"Fucking missed you..."  
Keith swallowed hard, Lance was making it hard to brain  
"I noticed... fuck, babe... I want to eat you out"

Blurting the words out, Lance gave him a smirk, twisting away from him and placing both hands against the adjacent wall as he stuck his glorious arse out. Fuuuuck... sinking to his knees, Keith ignored the pain of the tiles against his knees, eager to bury his face in that perfect valley. Running his hands up Lance's long legs, he kissed both cheeks before finally moving his hands up to part the valley, wetness dribbling from his lover's twitching opening. So fucking perfect... Leaning in, he cautiously licked at the twitching ring of muscle, wetness coating his tongue  
"Lance..."  
Licking turned to lapping, Lance moaning openly as he pushed back against Keith's tongue   
"Lance... Lance... Lance!"

 

Waking on the last "Lance!" Keith sucked down a deep breath, realising something was over his face. Groaning to himself, the half-Galra was dazed and confused. His heart racing and skin tingling as he pushed the offending object off his face. Standing next to the bed, Lance was wearing a fitted black jacket and pants, staring down at him with a scowl on his face   
"Your mother dropped our clothes off. We slept all day and now we're due for dinner. I don't know how you slept through everything"  
He'd done what now? Feeling the inside of thighs still pulsing, he was rock hard. Erection evident by the mounding of the sheets. Grabbing the pillow Lance had been using, Keith blushed hard  
"Good dream?"  
"Don't even go there"  
"Well, you and that need to take a shower. We have half a varga to be in the dining room, which Krolia said you'd show me to. I can't believe we slept all damn quintant. I completely abandoned my team"  
Fuck... Lance wasn't in a good mood, and it wasn't doing anything to cool the heat between his legs  
"I'm sorry... I'll just... I'll be right back"

Jerking off in his bathroom wasn't as hot as it'd been in his dream. Coming down the shower wall, his warm forehead thudded lightly against the cool tiles as he cursed himself, not quite able to believe it'd all been a dream. Of course, it'd been a quiznakking dream. Lance presenting himself like that... fuck. He was so fucking screwed. They'd only been reunited a few vargas ago... and now they had to make it through a whole dinner... 

So preoccupied with covering his dick, he'd left his clothes in the bedroom. Shuffling out with a towel around his waist, Lance was sitting on the edge of the bed adjusting his boots. The clothes he was wearing wasn't Keith's... the shirt under the black jacket might have been  
"I had to borrow some socks and a shirt. My stuff's still on the Telula"  
"That's fine. I can't believe I slept through mum dropping by"  
Forgetting how not to "human" like a clutz or an idiot, Keith tripped on his own feet, recovering at the last second on the way to his wardrobe   
"She said we have to wear these tonight..."  
"Oh... right... I'm sorry"  
"So you should be. Did you have a good dream?"  
Keith blushed again   
"It wasn't awful"  
"You were moaning my name"  
"You're my husband, who else was I going to be dreaming about?"  
"I don't know. I don't know if I like you dreaming about me, instead of just kissing me"

Was this another dream? Surely the universe wouldn't be that cruel? Still, slightly damn as he pulled his underwear on, Keith dropped the towel to the floor  
"I couldn't exactly control my dream"  
"I know. I'm teasing... I shouldn't tease. I'm really nervous and I'm taking it on you"  
Abandoning finding his socks, Keith walked over to squat down in front of Lance. His boyfriend's cheeks dusting light as he looked away. Taking his face in his hands, Keith smiled at his husband. Formal dinners weren't as scary as they sounded. It was just his mother's excuse to force everyone to sit down to a fancy meal and make him socialise more  
"I didn't mean to sleep all day, and I can't help it that you drive me fucking crazy. I don't want you to feel forced into something you're not ready for, ok. It was pretty weird... I dreamt I woke up then you woke me up"  
"So sex with me was weird?"  
Lance sounded troubled, maybe a little insulted   
"No. We didn't have sex... I was uh... you know, I should get dressed"  
"We were what?"  
Lance was killing him. Did he actually want to know, or was this his revenge?  
"It doesn't matter. I like this Lance better"  
"Well, I'd prefer you kept your kinky side for when you're awake. We both smell like sex, and nothing happened. The whole bed smells of your arousal"  
"I thought you wanted to smell of me"  
"I do, but I don't want your friends thinking we just boned..."  
How was he supposed to control his near wet dreams? Lance knew it wasn't something that could be controlled. He wasn't thinking rationally because of his nerves. Releasing Lance's cheeks, Keith rubbed at Lance's neck with his wrists  
"No one is going to think we had sex. And even if they do, we're married. We're married and we're adults. It's not like half the people around here aren't seeing each other"  
"I know. You're right. Maybe I should keep my mask up the whole night and my mouth shut"  
Keith's heart hurt for his boyfriend   
"Babe. No. I'm nervous too, but this is more like a big family dinner that Krolia throws so we have an excuse not to eat purple goop and I have to socialise. Let me get dressed and we'll go"  
"Ok... But don't leave me alone. It was awkward as hell talking to Krolia. She didn't say anything, but she gave me that "mum look", the one where they think they know something and you have no idea what that something is, and you can't ask, because they make you keep guessing until you hit the mark"  
"That's just mum"  
Leaning up, Keith kissed Lance softly. The echo of that searing hot kiss from his dream coming to mind. He didn't want to forget it, but it was already slipping away. 

 

20 doboshes later, Lance and Keith were standing in an alcove just short of the dining room. Lance had started breathing roughly, so Keith had pulled him out of public sight. Rubbing Lance's back, his boyfriend had his face hidden against his neck as he hushed him softly. They'd bumped into a guard following one of the maids. She's slipped past them easily with her tiny stature, both of them were half-turned, apologising to her for nearly walking it on her, as they both walked right... right into the built man. Extremely apologetic, the massive Galra was like a Galra version of Hunk, apologising despite not being in the wrong and repeatedly asking if they were alright. Lance had been shaken, holding it down until he'd started to shake physically. Taking the few moments to themselves, Keith was proud that Lance was able to bring his breathing back under control with minimal intervention. Kissing the top of Lance's head, Lance let out a long breath, taking another through his nose, then releasing again through his mouth  
"I'm ok now. I'm ok"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. He was... solid"  
Keith snorted before nodding  
"He was. You're so much better at handling your attacks now"  
"I don't always recognise the start... or what starts them"  
"No, but you just bumped into a Galra you didn't know, and you were able to bring your breathing back down and under control"  
"I was just breathing in time with you. You like embarrassing me too much"  
"Want to hear something even more embarrassing?"  
Lance looked as if he wasn't sure, his eyes staring right into Keith's as he frowned  
"What?"  
"I love you and I..."  
Raising his voice, Lance slammed a hand over his mouth to silence him. Keith promptly sticking his tongue out, causing Lance to pull away in disgust  
"Ugh! You're gross"  
Shrugging, Keith shoved his hands in his pocket, his voice still raised as he casually threw back  
"Doesn't make me love you any less"  
Lance wasn't expressed, arms wrapped around himself as he shied back  
"I love you too, are you happy now?"  
"Very"  
Walking out into the hall, Keith held his hand out until Lance finally took it. Dragging him towards the dining room doors, Lance pulled his mask up properly. Hopefully, nothing bad would happen during dinner... or nothing that would upset his boyfriend too badly.

 

Taking their seats at the table, Keith was forced next to Krolia, with Lance sandwiched safety between himself and Coran. Lance's small team sitting to the right of him. After exchanging a warm hug, Coran had taken Lance's hand and wouldn't let go until they'd sat. Instead of finding relief in the comfortable presence of friends, Blade members sat directly across them, all of them way bigger than Lance was, and all of them leaving his boyfriend uncomfortable. His own team was seated with them, Ezor opening her mouth to tease Lance, but shutting up before saying anything when Keith glared at her. With them not being the last group to arrive, they'd had time to change seats, only Keith knew Lance would insist that was rude.

Shiro's team was the last to arrive, a hyperactive Pidge amongst their numbers. Apologising for their tardiness, the group took their seats next to the Blades and his team. Curtis sitting next to Shiro, then Pidge, Hunk, Shay, and Veronica... as well as the rest of the team, but he didn't really care for them. At least James and the rest of the MFE pilots weren't there. Practically bouncing in her seat, Pidge wore a smug grin as she looked between Lance and Keith. Lance not noticing, but when Keith cocked his head sideways, all he got was a shaking of his head from Hunk. That didn't tell him anything. Pidge obviously had something she was dying to tell them, she looked sure to self implode if she didn't get the words out soon.

Welcoming to them Daibazaal, Kolivan was a man of few words. Krolia laughing lightly at her boyfriend's stiffness and warmly enthusing over happy she was to have them all there. By some force unknown to mankind, Pidge managed to keep her mouth shut... all the way up until the first course was delivered. The moment the plate was placed down in front of her, the magic holding her mouth closed broke  
"I built you a finger!"  
Lance dropped his fork. Keith's stomach clenched with dread. Shiro groaned loudly, Hunk covered his face and Pidge beamed through it all. Trust her to be obsessed with tech  
"I built a whole hand, but you didn't need a hand, so I adapted a finger... Can I see it?"  
Picking up his dropped fork, Lance scowled at Pidge over his mask  
"Pidge, we're at dinner. No one wants to talk about my missing finger"  
"I do. I haven't see it, myself. None of us have"  
Patting Pidge's shoulder, Shiro shook his head  
"Lance is right, now isn't the time. Why don't you tell us what you've been working on, on Earth?"  
Setting about dissecting her meal, Pidge still wore a smirk. The finger clearly not the only thing on her mind  
"I show up for a surprise visit and this is how you act. I would have talked to Lance earlier, but you said he and Keith were busy"

Awkwardness radiated off of Lance. Keith clearing his throat as he covertly dropped a hand to rest on his husband's thigh   
"We had a lot to discuss"  
They still had a lot to discuss. Napping wasn't great for keeping the flow of discussion going. Probing gently, Coran was allowed to be nosy given he didn't know "discuss" was code for "sleep like the dead".  
"You had a lot to discuss?"  
Leaning past him, Lance nodded at Coran  
"I bought some property out in my region, and kind of just dropped it on him with no warning"  
"You did, my boy?"  
Coran sounded worried. Keith wisely kept his mouth shut so as not to put his foot in it   
"Yeah. The club I used to live in, and a rebel outpost. You know, making all the life decisions without consulting everyone important"  
Keith mentally sighed. He didn't want to fight  
"The one on Erathus?"  
"Yep. Th'al's going to run it much the same as it is at the moment. Then I want to turn the outpost into a safe hub. I actually have a few things I need to talk to you about later, if that's alright?"  
Coran released his knife to move his hand to the left side of his moustache   
"Of course, My Boy. Anything for you. And what do you think about this Keith?"  
Couldn't Coran see he was trying to be as neutral as possible?  
"Lance is right, are you free after dinner so we can all talk about this? He has so many big plans that I don't even know where to start"

Across the table, Hunk had his brow furrowed. His curiously getting the better of him  
"Why would Lance need to run this past Keith?"  
Hunk. The poor teddy bear he was, still hadn't put two and two together. But Pidge had  
"Because Huuuuuunk, I heard them earlier. They've been holding out on us. Keith was very loudly telling Lance he loved him in the hall..."  
"I tell Lance I love him all the time, see, I love you, man"  
Hunk gestured to Lance. Around the table, there was a small moment of silence to appreciate Hunk's purity. Laughing weakly, Lance was a little shaky as he replied   
"Love you too, bro"  
"See!"  
Grinning, Hunk thought his point proven... Pidge just grew louder   
"Hunk, they're dating! Lance and Keith are dating. Why else would "I'm Mister Loner Keith" need to tell Lance he loved him, and why would Lance need to run buying property by Keith? Plus, they were together during the mission, and Keith stayed by Lance's side as he recovered"  
Hunk weakly replied, deflating as he began to mentally tally up the evidence   
"Because it was the right thing to do?"  
"Didn't you walk in on them cuddling on the Atlas? And..."

"Alright, Pidge. That's enough"  
Pidge looked to Shiro. Blessed Shiro, who was pinching the bridge of his nose while looking regretful as he interrupted her  
"Oh my god! You knew! Why didn't you tell us? Wait, how many of you knew, and why didn't I know?"

Veronica, who'd held her tongue, broke her silence   
"I didn't know either to begin with. Acxa filled me in after the crash"  
Waving her hands, Pidge was becoming more and more animated. Keith wanted to crawl into a hole and hide with Lance, or maybe hop planet and go for a long trip somewhere   
"Acxa knew? Come on guys, we're supposed to be best friends. Our best friends are dating and they didn't even tell us. Hunk, please be on my side"  
"I didn't know either... Lance has always been a very cuddly person..."

Hunk seemed hurt to have been left out. Under the table, Lance now held a death grip on Keith's knee. Taking Lance's hand in his, the only thing he could do was try to calm Pidge down. Or take the heat out of the conversation. She was excited for them, her teasings and deductions held no malice   
"Lance and I have been dating for a few phoebs now. We didn't want to make it public while we were still working things out, though I think most of the table knows anymore. Shiro, Coran, Curtis, mum, Lance's mum, his team, my team, Kolivan... Daehra's home planet..."  
He was rambling now. He didn't know why he'd jumped to listing names, but no one else was saying anything and now he had to the "think", almost as soon as he stopped Lance softly continued  
"... most of the staff at the hospital on Altea. The police on Erathus... it's not exactly a greatly kept secret... but it was our secret to share when we ready. So thanks for that Pidge. It's not like things have been hard enough to work out, without having the chance to talk things out properly with you when we were ready, taken away for us. We might as well fucking tell you that we..."  
"Babe. Calm down... you know how nosy Pidge is"  
Lance wasn't calming down. He was getting angrier if anything. Doing that frosty tone people do when it's gone past yelling. Pushing his chair back, the Cuban took his hand back, grabbing the edge of the table as he growled   
"There's "nosy" and there's "forcing people to talk about stuff in a setting where they can't politely decline". Like you didn't need to bring up having my finger cut off in front of everyone, then use it as a pretence to ask if Keith and I are dating. We are. We have been since before Hunk and Shay's engagement party. Or at least, we've been working through things on the way to dating! I'm sorry Krolia, Kolivan. I need some air"

Across the table, tears filled Pidge's eyes. Shiro wrapping an arm around her   
"I'm sorry, Lance. I was really worried when you were missing then hurt. I planned this whole trip out to see you. I... I'm really happy for you and Keith, but I didn't see why you wouldn't tell us. I thought we were all friends, but you and Keith are always running off and doing things without telling us anything"

Lance was done. Releasing the table, his lover strode over to the double wooden doors, throwing them both open dramatically as he continued to storm away  
"Lance just needs time to calm down. Keith, are you going after him?"  
Giving his mother a nod, that was as close as he came to excusing himself as he rose to follow after Lance. As unwarranted as Lance's scolding had been, Keith was in the same boat. He wanted to be the one to tell people they were dating, or at least with Lance when Lance told someone. It was their relationship. Their news to tell. And while Keith wanted to scream it from the rooftops, he respected Lance's trauma enough to not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dem awkward boners...


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little mornings fun never hurt anyone...

Finding Lance was easy, he was leaning against the wall a few steps away from the dining room doors. With his mask pulled down, he had one hand over his mouth as he leaned his forehead against his bent arm  
"I know I shouldn't have snapped. It's just Pidge being Pidge and trying to show she's happy for us. This on me, not her"  
"No. Yes and no. You're not the only one who wanted to be able to tell people when we were ready"  
Turning, Lance leaned his back on the wall with a sigh   
"I know. I wanted to... it wasn't a great secret, but everyone we told respected us enough to not make a huge deal. I wanted to talk to Hunk first. He knows something awful happened on that prison ship. Then Pidge... Like, when I was ready. And you... you just got outed in front of everyone for dating me"  
Walking over to Lance, Keith nodded as he flopped himself back against the wall to stand next to his boyfriend  
"I don't care. I have no idea how we're going to work out any of this if we're both working separate jobs, but I know that I want to be with you, no matter how frustrating you are"  
"Well, that's great. I'm frustrating and you're gay"  
Looking to Lance, Lance had a smile on his lips  
"Tell me something I don't know?"  
"I wear a size 10"  
Keith raised an eyebrow, Lance lifting his right foot to roll his ankle and show off his boot   
"I didn't know that"  
Shrugging, Lance seemed to be doing better than he thought he was. Especially if he could crack a joke  
"You asked for something you didn't know"  
"I know I did. How do you feel? Do you want to talk about it?"  
"There's not much to say. I snapped at Pidge. Pidge caused me to snap because she doesn't know I'm messed up in the head. I'm still angry, and now everyone knows we're dating... I'm sorry, babe. If I hadn't freaked..."  
Nudging Lance, Keith slipped his hand in Lance's   
"There's nothing to be sorry about. I was the one teasing you in the alcove. I have no idea how Pidge managed to hear us"  
"The gremlin probably built some super spy tech she wanted to test and then heard us by accident"  
"That does sound like something she'd do. I swear I didn't know she was coming"  
"It's ok. I mean, if I'd known, it would have been something else to be a douche over"  
Keith rolled his eyes. So Lance wasn't crying because he internally berating himself   
"You're not being a douche. You're shaken up. We can totally skip out on dinner. Go back to my room, eat the metric ton of chocolate I had your mum pick up for us. Take that bubble bath?"  
"Yeah... I mean, I'd like to say yes, but if we don't go back, it's going to be worse. Pidge and Hunk are going to be asking if we're alright. We're getting to get smothered all over again. Coran can keep a secret, but he often blabs when it comes to comforting someone else..."  
That was true. Lance had nearly blurted out they were married. He'd been literally ticks away from saying so. Coran probably wouldn't have someone to interrupt him in there  
"So you want to go back in?"  
"I don't want to but that's, you know, part of being adult"  
"Being an adult is overrated. Can I hold your hand?"  
Laughing at him, Lance pulled him off the wall, stealing a quick kiss  
"You're already holding my hand, mullet"  
"I know. I want to hold it when we walk back in. I've waited so long to tell everyone you're finally mine"  
Lance's smile wavered  
"I'm sorry... I should have..."  
Shit. He didn't mean it like that. He wasn't trying to accuse Lance of anything. He needed time. They still needed time  
"No! No, babe. I mean, I'm so fucking proud to be yours. That's all. I love you"  
"I love you, too. I'm sorry, you couldn't tell everyone sooner because of me. I'm still... I don't know. I know I love you, but you know how it goes. First comes kisses, then making out, then sex... and I don't know how to cope with that... I didn't know how to cope with... earlier. I wasn't.. disgusted. You know that right? You don't disgust me. I just wasn't expecting it... or to, you know, react to it. I don't know what to do"

Tugging Lance up to him, Keith wrapped his free arm around him  
"Babe. I don't expect you to do anything at all. And I think this is a conversation we need to sit down and have. We can work out what's ok, what's too much, and what makes you feel good. I want you to feel good"  
"I want you to feel good too... What was happening in your dream?"  
Keith hadn't meant having the conversation here, ok... he could do this. They probably weren't expecting them back at all, and if it helped him calm, then it was worth it   
"Well... You don't get to laugh, ok"  
"No laughing. I promise"  
"Have you ever had a dream where you wake up in it, and you think you're actually awake?"  
Lance snorted, Keith growling  
"Not laughing. But yes... mostly back on Earth"  
"I had a dream I woke up with you in my arms and I was horny as hell, but when I went into the bathroom you caught me as I came. Then you said you didn't want to run away anymore. I was eating you out, kind of moaning your name and woke up when you threw those clothes on me"  
Lance shivered against him. Keith's words had tumbled out in one long embarrassing mumble  
"Shit... that's kind of..."  
"I won't make you do that"  
"No... no... ugh... I was going to say hot. I can see why you... Maybe I shouldn't have asked. Let's just go back to dinner?"  
"Are you ok, babe?"  
Lance smelt aroused. It wasn't strong, but it was enough for him to want to whisk him away  
"Mmm... yeah... you can smell it. I can hear you sniffing"  
Sniffing was bad. Quiznak. Sniffing was bad because Galra had repeatedly commented on Lance's scent and now he kind of felt like was acting as they had  
"Sorry. I promise I won't do anything"  
"I know you won't. Ok. Let's head in..."

 

Dinner had continued without them. Their barely touched first courses had been replaced with cooling soup for the second course. Pidge was now talking, arguing, with Zak over some tech thing. Daehra and Lucteal were whispering to Coran. Shiro had his "worried dad" face on, but that softened when they walked back in the room. Possibly warned against making a scene, Pidge continued talking to Zak as they took their seats  
"Sorry about that. I'm sorry for losing my temper"  
No one expected an apology from Lance, but being Lance, he couldn't help himself. Leaning in, Keith kissed Lance's temple  
"It's ok, babe. Let's eat?"  
"Yeah..."

Slowly picking up on the conversation, Keith covered for the lapses in Lance answering. Fine tremors seemed to be running through his boyfriend without his mask up to protect him from the smells of the room. Hunk was staring at them like he was confused, as he had been before they'd taken those few doboshes, but Shay was happy. Congratulating them politely, Keith was reminded why Shay was the best out of the partners around the table, not including Lance. Curtis could be grumpy. Veronica was scary. Kolivan didn't speak, and Ezor was Ezor. Shay was always soft and genuine, yet fiery when she needed. Curtis earned himself a mental demotion with no clue at all... but none of them compared to Lance, and he wasn't dating any of them, so his opinion really didn't matter that much. It was all Lance's fault he was even thinking about everyone else. His boyfriend had made him realise how weirdly shallow his world was, or was he not shallow because simply accepted it all, as long as his friends were happy... 

Now he just needed Lance to eat a little more, and things would be perfect. 

Keith knew the Galra across from the table weren't a threat, Lance knew they weren't a threat, but the slightest loud scrape of cutlery from had Lance inching closer to him discretely. Or it had been discretely. Lance was nearly in his lap now. His shaking had only grown worse. Nudging him gently, Lance looked paled as he faced him  
"Babe, do you want to go back to our room?"  
Nodding, Lance placed down his cutlery clumsily  
"Sorry, I don't feel very well"  
"That's fine... Mum, Lance and I are going to grab his stuff from the Telula. We'll see you later"  
Krolia nodded with a kind smile that didn't reach her eyes as she realised Lance didn't look well  
"Of course. It's wonderful to have you here. If you, or your team, need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask"  
"Thanks, Krolia. Thank you for dinner. Sorry guys, I'm still a bit wiped out from work. Breakfast tomorrow?"  
Posing the question to the table, Shiro's team and his both agreed. Speaking up for Lance's team, nothing got by Daehra  
"We shall accompany you to collect our own belongings. Thank you for your kind hospitality. Daibazaal is a beautiful planet"  
"We like it. Enjoy your stay. Keith, don't forget to let Kosmo out for the night"  
"I won't forget. Goodnight, everyone"  
He wouldn't forget because his wolf had already deserted him. Kosmo was probably prowling the grounds in the search of anyone who'd give him belly rubs and pats.

 

The walk back to the Telula was more a stagger for Lance, who was leaning heavily against Keith. Getting him into the Telula, Th'al, Tobias and Lucteal left Keith with Daehra. Lucteal pausing to fetch a trashcan, which Lance needed as only a few ticks later he was throwing up. Preparing Lance's injection, it was a lighter red than he remembered, and the vial chamber was only half as full. Jabbing the gun up against Lance's arm, Daehra sighed as Lance heaved again  
"I was hoping you'd be able to keep a meal down. I know you threw up breakfast, you probably also skipped lunch"  
Nodding his head, Lance released the side of the bin to give them a weak thumbs up  
"He threw up breakfast?"  
Keith wasn't impressed. Lance had said he'd eaten. Not that he'd eaten and thrown it all up, and hadn't eaten since. Napping all day didn't make up for not eating  
"Babe! I could have had food delivered to our room"  
Spitting into the trashcan, Lance wiped at his mouth as he reappeared   
"Sorry. My stomach didn't feel great. It still doesn't"  
"It's a side effect from weaning him down on his medication"  
"That and all these quiznakking scents"  
Keith was sure it could be a combination of any number of things. Not simply due to withdrawal, and scents, but nerves, anxiety and trying not to be triggered by Blade members that Lance didn't know  
"Is there something you could have him for the nausea?"  
"No. Lance has requested not to be put on anything else, even natural herbal remedies. Shiro would like for Lance to meet with Kre'el tomorrow. He will be taking both of you after breakfast. Coran has offered to show me how to work the new programming he made up for my holopad. The Atlas holds man advanced scanners, so I am also receiving an updated and more accurate mapping system"  
"Our mapping system is fine. Also, the program is for all of us. So make sure Lucteal knows how to operate it, and make sure Zak doesn't tamper with it. The last thing I need is for..."

Throwing up again, Keith rubbed his boyfriend's back in sympathy. The quintant had been ridiculously long, and he still wanted to talk to Lance about the outpost he'd bought. The Gilded Cage was for Th'al. If he told himself that, then it wasn't so bad... It wasn't great. He didn't think it was a smart or sane investment... but if Lance was going to remain in that sector of space, Keith wanted him to have every bit of support he could... because he sure as hell wasn't letting Lance move out there alone. He considered this "transitioning" thing to be bullshit. It wasn't like he was dead, but Blade members died, and everything continued on. New members were sworn in. Old members sidestepped into new roles. The Blades had been operating for thousands of years. He was simply another cog.

"Leandro. Please. Keith, he should be alright shortly. I know we said we wished to gather our belongings, but we would all feel more comfortable here. I, myself, am quite exhausted. Shiro gave us a thorough tour on the back of yours, and we had very little time to rest. So I will leave you now. If anything happens, please let me know. Seizures. Dizziness. Headaches. Bleeding..."  
"Daehra, stop scaring Keith. I'm ok. Tomorrow I'll try something drier like crackers. I'll see you for breakfast..."  
"Keith, do not let him fool you"  
Keith gave Daehra a tight smile   
"I won't. Thank you. Babe, let's get your teeth brushed and you into bed. It's been a long day"  
Whining, Lance handed over the trashcan. Apparently, it was coming to bed with them?  
"A long day with a with 9 varga nap... why am I so tired again?"  
"Because you insist on pushing your body. Now, please rest. Keith, please call if you need me"  
"I will. Don't worry, he's not getting off that easily"

 

Sending Lance ahead to their room, Keith rinsed the contents of the bucket out then washed then washed the mess away down the toilet, before heading down to join Lance in their room. Despite all the ups and downs, and despite the fact that the Telula was Lance's ship and not his, their bedroom there felt more like it was his than his own bedroom in the palace. This was his safe place with Lance, and if he was honest, it was just about his most favourite place in the universe, second only to being at Lance's side. He was most well and truly whipped.

Finding Lance's bedroom half-buried in a small stack of what seemed to be strategically set out papers, Lance had crawled up to his side of the bed and was now half hanging off like he was drunk. Carrying the trash can around the side, Keith squatted down beside his lover as he placed the trashcan beside the bed  
"How are you feeling?"  
"Embarrassed"  
Pushing Lance's fringe back, the Cuban gave a tired sigh   
"What have you got to be embarrassed for?"  
"This... this whole day. Nothing went like I wanted it to. I was going to come home to you. Tell you what I'd done, you'd yell, then we'd look at the outpost plans together. Then we'd cuddle and I'd ask you to spend my heat with me... because I wanted to build a stupid home with you..."  
Lance's eyes filled with tears as he sniffled softly  
"... but instead, I'm trying to come off this red stuff and it's worse than the blue and I can't just go cold turkey because we have all this other stuff going on, and I'm crying because my emotions are all over the place and I thought weaning myself off wouldn't be this bad... but it's been awful. And now I've stopped working nonstop again, I feel like I've stalled and fucked up all over again... and I don't want to be like this... I want to apologise to Pidge again, and I want to talk to Hunk, and... Coran... and I really want to snuggle up with you and have you hold my hand"

Keith gave an affectionate snort, his boyfriend was too adorable when he was asking for attention and affection. His very public boyfriend was adorable when asking for attention and affection. The novelty of now being able to say it out loud wasn't going to wear off anytime soon  
"That's a lot of "ands" babe. You had two small hiccups tonight. Two. That's all. I know you're super conscious of scents. I also know how hard it was for you at dinner, but you snapping at Pidge wasn't unprovoked. You stepped out, calmed your breathing down and you came back inside without running away. The second hiccup, that's not your fault. You're working so hard to get clean and I'm so beyond proud of you for that"  
"I feel stupid. If you really don't want to live at the outpost, I can turn it into something else... I just... I know I need my job right now... but I feel like I'm slipping because of how I acted around those Galra. They probably think I'm the rudest idiot in existence"  
"Babe, that's not the case at all. You're letting your emotions get to you. Now, you said you want to snuggle, but your room's a disaster. These papers, what are they?"  
"Charts. Maps. Plans for the club, and the outpost... mission records and stuff from rebel camps. We were missing for two phoebs... I did the maths... you know... we've been together for 9 phoebs to the outside world. 9. For us, it's barely been 6... We missed that anniversary. We missed my birthday, we missed your birthday. Mami probably wanted us to come back to Earth because Christmas is next phoeb... All this missing time... it's depressing. I'm tired of you ending up in a pod, me ending up in a pod, you getting caught up in stuff because my head decides I need to go backwards. I just want to cuddle my boyfriend and do my job. Why does that have to be so hard?"

"I don't know babe. Why don't you strip down while I clean up a little? Then you can have all the cuddles you like"  
Lance frowned at him  
"How is that fair on you? You have questions"  
"I have questions that can wait until the morning. You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?"  
Groaning at him, Lance rolled back onto his back, both hands covering his face   
"I selfishly rant at you, and you tell me I'm beautiful?"  
"Yep. Because you might not have been listening to your rant, but I was. The day didn't go as you planned, but you wanted to come home to me"  
Lance huffed  
"Of course I wanted to come home to you. You're my boyfriend. I just had to clean up all the mess the Atlas made first, plus you know, the funeral. It was a nice service and all, Annla was gutted. So I took her out with me for supply runs and stuff... and why am I rambling again?"  
"Babe, you ramble a lot when you're sleepy"  
That's one thing that hadn't changed. Lance used to ramble quite a lot when he was sleepy and they were living on the castle. Back when they'd met it'd been annoying, now... he was more than happy to let Lance ramble  
"God. I'm so cringe-worthy... why do you date me?"  
Carefully starting to collect the papers around the room, it looked like Lance had put more effort into buying both properties than he'd made it seem  
"Because as dorky, and stupid, as you are. My dorky, stupid, idiot, that I've missed too. Tomorrow will be better, you'll see"

There were a few ticks of silence before Lance yawned again as he started struggling with the jacket from the clothes Krolia had made them wear  
"I'm not rambling, you're rambling. You and that mullet of yours... like some perfectly toned Adonis... stupid hot husband... stupid perfect arse... stupid abs..."  
Lance continued his list of "stupids", while trying to undress as Keith listened on smiling as he cleaned up.

 

*  
Morning two on Daibazaal was how morning one was supposed to have been. Tangled up in their blankets, Keith had spent the whole night spooned up in his arms. His boyfriend stirring just about the same time he had. Ignoring morning breath, they traded soft kisses. Lance enjoying the way Keith blushed softly as he played with his silky hair  
"Sleep well?"  
"Like you wouldn't believe. I'm sorry for being weird last night... and pretty much all of yesterday"  
Leaning up to capture his lips again, Keith smiled into the kiss, his lips still against Lance's as he spoke  
"It's alright, babe. As long as you're feeling better"  
"I am. I don't want to get out of bed"  
Not with everything they had to do. Sliding his hand up Lance's side, Lance shivered as he grew wet between his legs. Keith might not have been the one having pretty extreme dreams...   
"Ita a good thing no one's expecting us to rush. I'm pretty sure we can get a full half varga of cuddling before we have to human"  
Lance gasped, pushing Keith down as he faked shock  
"Keith! You want to play hooky? What, you're not going to force me up to train? Prod at me or tell me that I have to go do my job?"  
The soft-touch on his side turned to unplanned tickling. Lance screaming as he tried to escape the unprovoked attack.

Howling with laughter, Keith flipped them over. Lance wrapping his legs around his boyfriend as he fought him off. Begging for mercy, Lance was finally freed of torment. Keith huffing like he was from how hard they'd laughed. Staring into his boyfriend's sparkling eyes, Lance was struck all over again by Keith's beauty. His slightly long lashes, his soft cheekbones and parted lips. This man loved him. He loved him like there was no tomorrow. Surging up, he poured all the love he could into the kiss. Keith squeaking then moaning as he relaxed into the touch. Between his legs, Keith ground up against him, Lance embarrassed as he mewed at the feeling. Rolling his hips back shyly, Keith groaned, abandoning his lips to start mouthing at his neck, Lance's face forced into the crook of his boyfriend's neck as he inhaled Keith's musky scent. Nipping at his soft flesh, Lance moaned out Keith's name, Keith biting harder at the sound. Unsure where he was supposed to be grabbing, or what he was supposed to do now, Lance moved his hands up to cup Keith's face as push him back. Keith flushed as a tick passed and his lips were back against Lance's.

Clumsy kisses slowly turned to sloppy making out, both men grinding hard against each other as Lance followed what his brain was trying to tell him. Unexpected making out was a great wakeup. Dream Lance had been right to tell Keith that he needed to stop running away. This wasn't sex. He was still covered. He could end this at any time... and it was nice to feel wanted because he was loved. Feeling the heat pooling in his belly, his inner thighs trembled, breaking the frenzy of kisses, he gasped for breath as Keith reattached to his neck. Pulling Keith tighter against him with his legs, Keith let out a growl, warmth spreading across his boyfriend's boxers and soaking into his own lust flooded his senses. His underwear was sodden now, Keith's providing the perfect friction as he ground up to seek all the pleasures given by Keith's lust... Rutting through his orgasm, Keith's lust pushed him over, Lance panting out Keith's name as he came in his boxer briefs, clinging to Keith as he whimper moaned softly, body awash with the warmth of release   
"Keith... Keith... oh Dios... creo que acabo de morir..."

Rolling them sideways, Keith sat him up in his lap. Soft warm hands moving up his chest and to cup his face  
"Babe... are you ok?"  
"Mmm... that was... unexpected... oh Dios..."  
"I... don't... I didn't mean to"  
The look on Keith's face caused his chest to tighten  
"Babe, I know. I know you wouldn't... I wanted it... when you looked down on me while tickling me, I wanted it... You're so fucking beautiful Keith"  
"You didn't... I didn't?"  
He should of panicked? Shouldn't he? But... it felt good...? Keith was panicking though... he could smell it under the lust. He didn't want Keith to panic. Not when that... had felt good... Keith would have stopped if he'd asked. He knew Keith would have. This was there safe space that now stank to high heaven of them and them alone. Leaning down, Lance kissed Keith softly. He liked the intimate moment. He'd felt normal. Like a normal person with their lover  
"No, babe... no boundaries overstepped... but we might need a shower"  
"Are you sure? I... fuck, you're so perfect. I love you. I love you so quiznakking much"  
"I love you too. I haven't been able to sleep well without you there... but waking up like this... I don't feel scared"  
"I won't let anyone hurt you. Never again"  
"I know... let's take a shower?"  
"Ok. I do you want to go first?"  
"I meant both of us. If we're already running late, they can't be mad at us if we're conserving water, right?"  
"I like the way you think. If you need me to back off, or space, you'll tell me right?"  
Keith was perfect. His husband was perfect...  
"Quiznak! That's right. I found them... hang on"

Climbing off Keith, his underwear was soaked and squishy... not a great feeling, but he needed to act while e remembered. Opening the top drawer of his bedside table, he pulled Annla's two gold hair clips out   
"What are you doing?"  
"Here. I found them. Stick your left hand out for me"  
Keith's brow was drawn with confusion as he held his hand out. Popping the tiny magnet clip, Lance clipped it around Keith's ring finger. With the ridges on the inside digging in, it didn't make a great ring, but he kind of wanted to wear them now he'd found them again. Pulling his hand back, Keith stared at the golden accessory   
"Where did these go?"  
"I found them behind the bed. It's not exactly a ring, but I wanted... to maybe wear them? I don't have the hair for it, but you do. And I can wear it over my glove... am I being stupid?"  
"No... no. I had no idea where they went. I thought I put them in the bedside drawer but they weren't there"  
"They're the closest thing we have to wedding rings"

Letting out a growl, Keith scrambled across the bed, hefting him up into his hold as he stepped off the bed. Clinging to Keith, Lance let out a weird kind of giggle as his accidental husband nuzzled his neck   
"As your husband, I say it's time we get you out those wet clothes"  
"Oh? Getting bossy now?"  
"Not at all. Your health and comfort are my number one priority. Hang on tight"  
"I've got you, babe"  
"And I've got you"

 

*  
Keith had gone to town on Lance's neck. The bold hickeys made it look like he'd been mauled. The bold hickeys also made him blush... and feel slightly smug. Anyone to see his neck would know exactly what he and Keith had been up to... Showering each other down, Keith had let him clean himself without saying anything when he took the cloth back. Unlike the heat of the bedroom, the shower was soft and loving. Each tracing their lover's lines and scars. Keith's fingers hovering over the scar on his shoulder, as well as a new one on his arm that he hadn't had the heart to break to his husband. Dropping his head to nuzzle at Lance's neck, Keith let out a shaky sigh  
"I don't want to admit it, but... I think... I think you needed those three movements without me. I think... that maybe something in you needed it. When you ran away because of my mother, I realised how little I know about being a true leader. Leading Voltron was hard, so hard that most of the time I didn't know if I was doing it right. I wouldn't have gotten any of it right without you... But you... Maybe you weren't born to be a leader, but you became one. I realised I've been keeping a wall between me and my team this whole time. If I... if I went through what you did, I don't think I could say it. To anyone. Not to my team. Not to the man I liked... I realised that... I need to work on trusting my team as friends, not as an outsider. I don't like it. Not being by your side. I want to protect you from everything... always. I want to keep you close and be the only one you love... I wasted these three movements missing you. Every day I did what I was supposed but... I don't think I reached out to my team. Not like you would have... I don't know what to do if I'm still serving the Blades, while you're off doing your own job. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, and being by your side out there, I brought something in me back to life. For years I longed for a loving, stable family. For my dad to magically come back... Now I have this stable home, I still don't know what I'm doing. Everything you do, you do so well. You were never just an extra spare wheel on the castle. Never. I was too chicken shit not to tell you that... you weren't the best Paladin to begin with, but you worked your arse off twice as hard as anyone. You... you have this habit where you think your life means nothing... but you mean so much. So fucking much to me... Promise me, you won't try to throw your life away. You want to build a home... I want to build a home with you too. I always thought it would be on Earth. I always wanted you to get your wish to go home. How do I get better at this? Loving you and not controlling you?"

Lance melted into his hold, wrapping his arms firmly around his husband as he nuzzled into Keith's collarbone   
"You don't control me. You want what's best for me. But when everyone wants the best, they forget that I'm the one who has to cope with it. I have to keep up with who knows what. Have to keep up with what they do and they say... when you treat me like it didn't happen, that's what feels best. When you ask softly to make sure I'm ok, or you're there when I have a panic attack... that's good too. But what's even better is when you open up to me. I think you're closer to your team than you think. You wouldn't have stayed together so long if you didn't get along. Even when ordered. I mean, you came back all infinitely patient and that from your space whale cruise, but you can still be a total hothead when you're in a situation you don't like. I want a safe and healthy relationship with you. I want to transition into having you around all the quiznakking time, but you need to make peace with you. I can't do that for you... I can't even make peace with me..."  
"How do you know all of this?"  
"People watching... I was kind of a weird child..."  
"Not much as changed then"

Nipping Keith's collarbone slightly harder than intended, his husband yelping as he stepped out of his hold  
"What was that?"  
"Revenge. That's what you get for being rude. Besides, you marked my whole neck up. It's fair that I get to leave a few marks of my own"  
"That's... fair. I might have overdone it"  
"No... you were showing how much you love me, in your own clumsy way"  
"I do love you. I feel like I'm saying it too much"  
"I'm getting used to it... I feel... I can love you better than I could before. You did that for me... I still feel like this is all a dream... because I never knew what it was like to really love someone like this. And I thought you said I only rambled when I'm sleepy"  
Ending with a joking tone, Keith smiled at him   
"I secretly love it when you ramble"  
"And I secretly love that you let me. We should dry and dress... Quiznak only knows how long we've been in here"

 

*  
Opting to dress in nicer causal clothes, Lance's withdrawal decided to sneak up and gut-punch him while he was trying to tie his boots. One tick he'd been on the side of the bed, the next he was face-first on the floor with Keith's by his side. The room spinning as tried to blink it into focus, his stomach rumbling to remind him he hadn't eaten anything... that he'd kept down since before arriving on Daibazaal   
"Babe? Are you listening?"  
"I'm ok... I think I'm hungry"  
Closing his eyes, Lance could practically hear Keith counting to three before opening them  
"You're hungry?"  
"Hungry or withdrawal... probably hungry...?"  
"You scared the quiznak out of me"  
"I'm sorry. Help me up?"  
"No. You can stay there until I've done your boots up. Then I'm taking you to the dining room, where I expect you to eat"  
"Why else would anyone go to the dining room?"  
At least he hadn't threatened to sik Daehra onto him...  
"The moment you're done eating, you're going to see Daehra. I would take you there first, but you need food more than you need a lecture"  
And yet...  
"I'm fine. Just a little near faint spell to keep you on your toes"  
"I'd rather you didn't..."

 

Piggybacked by Keith, Lance kept poking at his cheek. Keith was wearing Annla's hair clip now on the end of his braid, while Lance had his clipped to where his little finger should be over his gloves. His reasoning being that he'd probably bump into Pidge, so his gloves weren't going anywhere anytime soon. Not until he was comfortable enough to show her. On his own time and in his own way. He got that she'd been scared and on the outer of everything happening and that she was a hyperactive gremlin with her heart in the right place, but the previous day had been super stressful, and he was starting to get that sick feeling in his stomach knowing he'd have to head out and face the world.

Hitting the hand pad next to the dining room door, laughter flooded out the room. Lance peering cautiously over Keith's shoulder. The tables of the space pushed together to make a long table down the middle. In the kitchen area, Hunk and Shay were cooking away like they owned the place  
"Uh... are you seeing this?"  
"Yeah... do you think we can back away quietly before they noticed?"  
Judging by the look Curtis was giving them, they'd already been noticed   
"Your brother in law is staring at us... and now he's telling Shiro"  
Whispering to Shiro, Shiro looked at the pair of them   
"Good morning. Th'al said you hadn't eaten breakfast yet, so we came to collect you"

Loosening his hold on Lance's legs, Lance slid off Keith's back. He was kind of happy that they weren't headed into the palace to find everyone, but it was weird as hell to have them all in his ship  
"Babe?"  
"It's ok. They've noticed us, so we can't run..."  
"We could"  
"Don't tempt me. Make for Coran, it looks safe at the end of the table"  
Coran was wiping at some spot on the table. Lance didn't have the heart to tell him that it would never come off. The tables came with the ship... And space pirates were dirty arseholes  
"Ok"

Holding his hand as Keith led him over to the two free seats at the table, the table hushed as he and Keith sat. Praying nothing was on the chair, he'd half checked before he sat... but that was only half checked and there was a whole other half   
"Will you stop staring? We slept late"  
Pidge cackled. Lance didn't know what to do. They'd innocently slept late... then fooled around that morning. It was Keith's fault for having dirty dreams about him... and for being so intoxicatingly sweet. Clearing his throat, Hunk yelled from the kitchen  
"I hope you feel like pancakes. You're better stocked than I imagined"  
"Hunk, there's no way we'd ever say no to pancakes. We picked up fresh supplies that not long ago"  
"Daehra was telling us"  
Lance nodded, now he didn't know what to say. She would have been able to fill them in on everything that happened out there... Nope. Nope. He could do this...  
"So what's been happening since last night?"  
"Nothing much. We were waiting for you two to both wake-up. You know Lance, I'd be happy to take a look at your ship's security if you need?"  
Pidge gazing at him hopefully, Zak shooting her a glare that went ignored  
"Her programming is fine, thank you. Zak takes careful care. All the major systems require you to be in the database and have clearance to use them. It's safer that way"

The last thing Pidge needed access to, was anything from any of the armoires or holds. If she, Lucteal and Zak were to work together, the consequences would be terrifying   
"Fiiine, but if you change your mind, I'm up for it. I've never been on a ship like this before"  
"There's no ship out there quite like the Telula. She's my good girl. The love of my life"

Th'al looked up from the cup she was nursing, fixing Pidge in her stare   
"You haven't been on a ship like this junker, because you haven't picked fights with smugglers before. Or weapons dealers, or pirates... you said it was pirates, but I thought you got this heap of trash in a skirmish with smugglers?"  
Hissing at Th'al, Lance hugged the table in front of him  
"What's a few battles between friends? It's not my fault you have no sense of taste. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining when we were using all the appropriated GAC to buy you that club..."  
Picking the knife up off her plate casually, Th'al pegged it at his chair where it embedded itself just above his back  
"Oi! Stop damaging my ship!"  
"Then don't be rude! She's a junker!l  
"She's my junker! Let me enjoy my spoils of war!"  
"Then get better spoils!"  
Groaning, Lance rubbed his cheek against the table  
"Don't you listen to her baby. She's just cran... Ahhhh! Stop throwing cutlery at me!"

Throwing her fork, it embedded itself near his nose, Lance opting to safely and less than gracefully force himself into Keith's lap  
"Keith! Why aren't you protecting me?"  
"Because she's fucking scary"  
Around the table their friends laughed, Lance, groaning at them all. Tipping her cup towards Keith, Th'al gave a nod  
"I approve"  
Who was she to approve?! He didn't need anyone's approval. He needed her to stop picking on him, and the others to stop laughing   
"We don't need you to approve. You got your GAC, so place nice with everyone. Besides... a certain someone had banned me from... picking fights with everyone..."  
Mumbling out the second part of his sentence, Lance pouted  
"... so don't go damaging my girl"  
"Whoa! You actually managed to muzzle this idiot? I've known him for phoebs and he's always been a stubborn idiot. Like that time..."  
"La la la. No one needs to know"  
Th'al raised her spoon, Lance shrinking back into Keith   
"You didn't even let me start"  
And nor did he want her to. With no one at the table helping him out, Lance looked to the kitchen   
"Hunk, buddy. Bail a brother out. Is breakfast finished?"  
Hunk hummed, talking loudly to Shay like he hadn't heard him. Why was everyone picking on him so early? And why did this make him feel... ok with it? No. He was just too hungry to focus on anything other than his stomach... which chose then to let out a loud growl.

"Keith, you were supposed to make sure he ate"  
Pulling the knife out the back of the chair next to them, Keith gently pushed Lance out of his lap and into his own chair   
"Sorry, Daehra. We slept through the whole night, then had a shower and came here. The plan was he was going to eat before we came and saw you"  
Daehra nodded, able to sense the mostly truth in Keith's words. No one needed to know they'd dry-humped like rabbits  
"Isn't Daehra your medic? Why did you need to check in with her?"  
Lance wasn't sure if Pidge was asking the question out of concern or curiosity. He wasn't going to force the others to lie for his fuckups   
"Daehra is also my second in command with Lucteal. She mentioned Coran had a program for her, so we were going to check in with her before the day began"  
"You forgot you organised breakfast, didn't you?"  
Lance rolled his eyes at Pidge   
"I didn't forget anything Pigeon. I just have things to do and no idea what the time is here"  
Poking her tongue out, Pidge didn't seem to be holding a grudge over him losing his temper the previous night, still, Lance wanted to apologise. It didn't sit right with him. He knew too well what it was like to be on the outside  
"How can you not know Daibazaal Standard Time?"  
"Because we don't use it where we live?"  
"You don't? I thought it was as standard as GAC?"  
Lance shook his head. He really hated everything to do with time now  
"Nope. There's something a little strange when it comes to time out there. We were talking about this. For you guys, it's been about 10 phoebs since Keith first came looking for Guile. For us, it's closer to 7 and a bit. When we were at the outpost, it was a matter of few quintants, but for you, it was two phoebs. So there's no point using Daibazaal time when everything's so hinky"  
Keith gaped at him  
"That long?"  
"Didn't you keep track? It's been like 16 phoebs since I last went back to Earth"  
16 standard phoebs... Holy Quiznak... time had flown at an insane rate since Keith came back into his life...  
"I did, but this time thing... Holy quiznak, why didn't you guys tell me we've been together that long? Dae!"  
Dae smiled at him   
"Because it feels like only yesterday we met. It feels natural to be by your side"  
"See guys, this is why Daehra is my favourite"

Bringing over two plates stacked high with pancakes and berry syrup, Hunk placed them down in front of him and Keith  
"Hunk's rising up the list to a close second. These look great. Thank you"  
They looked great and a little too rich for his tender stomach, but Lance wasn't saying no to fresh pancakes without any strings attached  
"No worries, man. As I said, you were better stocked than I thought you'd be"  
"I'm not cruel enough to make my crew eat goop. No offence Coran, but real food is sooo much better"  
Coran chuckled  
"No, I quite understand. I'm glad you got some rest, you looked quite pale last night"  
"I'm fine. We still need to talk to you... Shiro, how long do I have before you want me to talk to Kre'el?"

Shiro exchanged a look with Curtis. Lance lowering the fork he was starting to pick up as his stomach clenched. Was he not meant to ask?  
"Shiro, what's happening with Kre'el?"  
"Her condition worsened overnight. Her stay in the pod wasn't enough to stabilise her body. We wanted you to have a good breakfast before telling you"  
Lance drew his brow in anger. Was this why the whole team had shown up here? Not because he'd missed breakfast, but because they were worried how he'd take the news? Or did they think he skipped breakfast because he was avoiding doing his job?  
"Who knew? Did you all know?"  
Turning his glare on Keith when no one replied, Keith raised his hands   
"I had no idea. Shiro. Why didn't you tell us sooner?"  
Curtis answered for his boyfriend   
"How much sooner?"  
"I don't know, like the tick we walked in! She fucking tortured us, and what, you were going to let her die before Lance could get answers?"  
There went the good mood. Lance's glare turned to self annoyance... He needed to stop letting Kre'el rule his emotions. Placing his hand on Keith's arm, he squeezed softly knowing that he wasn't the only one who needed those answers. Clearing his throat, Shiro sat a little straighter   
"You both need breakfast. Her condition is being monitored. She's worsened, but not quite at death's door yet. We have time for breakfast and have you scheduled to talk to her shortly before lunch. I know what you must be thinking, but we weren't hiding it from you. Her condition worsened overnight. There was nothing immediately that could be done, and waking you both wouldn't have changed anything. It was better you both get a good night sleep"

Lance nearly snapped. It was on the tip of his tongue to snark back at Shiro. To ask him how it was better for him and Keith to sleep and potentially miss the chance to question Kre'el. He quiznakking wanted to. His good morning had been ruined by the small bit of news. No longer did he want to look at everyone, and he definitely didn't want to eat. The table atmosphere had fallen heavy at the word "torture". Pushing the plate away from him, Keith turned his arm to capture Lance's hand in his before he could run. Not that he'd intended to run. He just didn't feel like eating now  
"Babe, you need to eat. For me, please"  
"I don't know if I can"  
"Just a little. You need the calories. Two pancakes and I won't push it"  
"Two...?"  
Keith nodded, his thumb tracing circles on the back of Lance's gloved hand. Two... might be manageable. Eating anything more would only lead to him throwing it up  
"I promise. If you eat two, I won't force you to eat more"  
"Two. For you. But I want to see Kre'el straight after breakfast"  
Keith looked to Shiro   
"We can do that, can't we?"  
Shiro nodded, Lance almost grateful the man knew he was messed up in the head. It prevented him from kicking up a fuss over Lance eating so little   
"Two pancakes and we'll go. She'll only talk to Lance, so you'll be monitoring the conversation with me, Keith"  
"Absolutely not. I'm not letting her talk to him alone"  
"She'll be cuffed and unable to touch him"  
"That doesn't make her any less dangerous! She's a psychopath!"  
"I know there's a risk, but I swear I would do nothing to endanger Lance. Nothing to endanger either of you"

For quiznaks sake. He hadn't missed bickering at all. Shaking Keith's hand off, Lance grabbed the top two pancakes, rolled then into a tube, then stuffed the whole lot in his mouth. The coldness of the syrup saving his mouth from the heat of the fresh pancakes as he choked the mess down. The deal was two pancakes. That'd been two. It'd also stopped Keith and Shiro from arguing as they stared at him  
"Babe..."  
"Lance..."  
Making sure he wasn't about to spit food everywhere, Lance ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth before swallowing again. Ignoring that Shiro and Keith had both tried to get his attention at the same time  
"You said we could go. I ate. Now Keith has to eat, then we're going. Before then, can I talk to you outside alone, Pidge?"  
"Me?"  
Blinking at the question, Pidge pointed to herself  
"Yeah. It'll only take a tick or two"  
"Sure. I mean, I guess... you're not going to kill me, are you?"  
"Nope. I'm not planning to. Can you guys make sure Keith eats? We won't be long"  
When Keith made a grabbing motion for him, Lance slipped out his chair to escape his grasp. If Keith got his hands on him, he'd try to make him see sense and Lance didn't particularly want to see sense. He wanted to apologise to Pidge before he lost his cool again.

Leading Pidge a short way down the hall from the dining room, Lance leaned back against the wall with Pidge standing in the corridor. The woman was unusually meek-looking as she stared at her feet  
"I'm not going to yell at you. I want to apologise for snapping at you last night. It's not really an excuse, but I had a lot on my mind, then you started with my hand, and my relationship with Keith. I know to all of you, we've been together for phoebs, but we're still trying to work out things between us. That's why we hadn't told everyone that we were together. We were planning to, but when we were both ready. When all of this wasn't hanging over our heads. And when people wouldn't be putting us getting together with us being captured. So it hurt when you told everyone what was our news to make public, and I snapped. I'm sorry for that"

Pidge gazed at him liked he'd grown another head  
"You're apologising to me?"  
"What else was I going to do? You're hearts in the right place Pigeon, even if that genius brain of yours can't keep up. I know what it's like to be on the outside of things and to not know what's going on. It quiznakking sucks. Keith and I are dating, and I hope that doesn't freak you out or disgust you... We're serious about this. He's serious about this... probably too serious... Grabby cuddly Keith is a lot to get used to... but it's nice. He's nice..."  
"I thought you were straight!"  
Bursting out her exclamation, Lance sighed at her   
"Because I hit on all the girls? It's called being bi. Society just sees it as more acceptable to go around flirting with girls than guys... and I wasn't really sure I was bi until Keith came into my life... he was my first bi crisis... Things are so hectic... and..."  
Waving his hand, Lance didn't know where to go next   
"That explains a lot... this explains a lot. Still, I can't believe you two are dating... Naaaaw. Keith and Lance are gonnnnna get married!"  
"Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Between missions, trips to the pod for both of us, recovery and work, there's been about three good phoebs for us"  
"Hang on... hang on, how long before the engagement party were you dating?"  
"Umm... a phoeb or two?"  
Like he could remember. So much had happened, and for all he really knew he could be wildly off with the dates. The harder he tried to remember them, the more things seemed mixed up and confused. He was sure now that the bit of his brain for memories was the bit they'd scrambled up   
"How did I not notice this?!"  
"Because I wasn't on the Atlas for that long... We were going to tell you. And Hunk..."

Scratching the back of his head, he cast his gaze down the hall towards the dining area. He didn't know what came after an apology anymore. Pidge did though. Throwing her small frame on him, she pulled him tight  
"You idiot! You're always going off and getting yourself into trouble without telling me! I didn't realise how little we talked anymore... I get so caught up in work... and that's no excuse, but you're my brother. You're both my brothers. I don't want to lose either of you. I want you to both be happy. I'm sorry for outing you. I got too excited to keep my mouth shut"  
Hugging the younger woman back, Lance sighed. He wasn't about to change his job, or his life. Things weren't fixed with Pidge, but she'd given him what he'd needed to hear. That she knew she'd let things between them slide  
"It's ok now. But maybe think next time?"  
"Being told to think by you... what is the universe coming to. No more nearly dying. I couldn't work at all worrying over both of you"  
"I promise to only nearly die, but not to cross over to the other side just yet"  
"That's good enough. I missed you, you big dork"  
"Thanks, Pidge"

Lance wasn't sure how he missed Pidge. Everything was so incredibly complicated as it was. He was having to let too many people. So maybe once things got better... he could work on being friends with her again? He didn't hate her. It wasn't that. Not anymore. It was like when they were thrown together as a team and he didn't know how to relate to her. Still, he'd gladly give his life for her. He hoped she could forgive him a little longer for being the selfish idiot he was  
"We should head back. Keith's probably nearly blown a fuse having to wait"  
"Is he that bad?"  
"Yes and no. It's kind of sweet. He's a total softy. If I don't want to get up, he skips training for cuddles"  
Pidge released him, her eyes wide  
"No way"  
"Yep. "Mr always has to have a blade on him", is a cuddler"  
"Wow..."  
"You never would have guessed it"  
"What's he like in bed?"  
Lance groaned. He should have expected this... Starting towards the dining area, he left Pidge behind as he threw back over his shoulder  
"That's none of your business. You're too young for such things"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters again?  
> Well, theres a reason for that. I write on my iphone, which is an old girl (she was second hand from a friend 3 years ago). Her charge port has gone a stuffed its self, so now I'm resorting to charging her through my computer... she takes aaaaaaaaaaages. Given I can't afford a new phone, my focus is updating this before she decides something else needs to break lol


	47. Chapter 47

Lance's nerves started to grow as he walked with Shiro and Keith through the palace. Keith was still miffed about not being able to be in the same room as he and Kre'el, while Lance was trying not freak out over the fact that Kre'el could easily divulge all his secrets. It scared him more than each Galra they passed. More than when he'd shamefully screamed at Keith that he'd been raped. More than admitting that he had feelings for Keith and being swept away into a relationship with a man he still felt he wasn't worthy of. Every little thing had his heart racing in fear. His hands clenched as he grit his teeth, not trusting himself to breathe through his mouth in case those pancakes ended up on his shoes. Both men at his sides knew he wasn't ok. Shiro said he smelt like dead mouse again, and Keith had growled at him over it, insisting that Lance smelt like rotten fruit. Neither scents appealing, or what he wanted associated with him. To him, he smelt like Keith. He could smell him all over his clothes and skin. He could almost feel his soft lips against his own... But there'd be no Keith in the same room as him. No retreating once he saw Kre'el. The Cuban's throat felt tight, as if the water he'd forced himself to sip while Keith ate, was filled with poisonous thorns that formed with each step closer to Kre'el he came. What did he say to her? "I'm sorry my friends shot you after you nearly killed Keith and me?". "Come here often?", or his personal favourite "Why didn't you ask me for help sooner?". Lance knew losing his temper wouldn't get him anywhere... but she was behind it all... If she was as old as the ship, she'd had thousands of years to change her ways. To find a peaceful way to get what she wanted or needed... Did the fact that she failed to find peace, mean that there'd never be a day when everyone found common ground? The thought was thoroughly depressing. His depression showing in his leaden steps. His whole body tingled with the feeling that this was a horribly horrible idea, and that he'd be absolutely rubbish at "interrogating" her.

The room where Kre'el was being held was a converted laboratory. A long double-sided window ran along the far length of the room, the space where Keith and Shiro would watch on. Stopping at the guarded door, Lance stumbled back as Veronica came out of the room. Holopad in hand, and a fierce scowl on her face. Veronica... he absolutely couldn't let her know... stumbling back, he smacked into Shiro's chest  
"Lance?"  
Looking up to Shiro, Lance's eyes were silently pleading with the man who wasn't surprised that his sister was there   
"You never said Veronica would be here..."  
"That's nice, little brother. We're not letting you be harmed by her"  
Tugging him away from Shiro, Keith wrapped his arms around Lance as Lance continued to stare at his sister in shock  
"Shiro, I don't think this is a good idea. It could get... pretty graphic"  
"Veronica is..."  
No. Uh uh. If this was happening, it was under his terms. If he had to go in there, have his secrets spilt to the world and be put so far out of his comfort zone that he didn't know where the hell his comfort zone was anymore, he had a right to do this in his own way  
"No. No. I'll let her die. I'll let her die without asking her a thing. I know you can stick her back in a pod, but if Veronica doesn't leave, then I'm not going in there"

Lance's words took him by surprise, yet they summed up how he felt deep down. Veronica pushed her glasses up with her pointer finger  
"Lance, I'm a professional. Whatever you have to say..."  
"You're my sister V. You've been my sister since the first time you held me. Remember how it all was before the Galra? You know how bad things got... I don't want you listening to what happened. I don't want you thinking about what could have been prevented. I don't want you listening. Shiro, please. If you and Keith are listening, don't let Veronica listen"

Shiro was on the edge of his trust circle. He was trying to let him further, but it was hard to be that way with his "childhood hero-cum-space dad". Veronica was out of the circle after their fight. He wasn't useless and he wasn't a burden. His mami had said so  
"I'm your sister. I want to be there for you"  
"You can be there by letting me tell you things in my own time"  
"In your own time? You have yet to make a statement over what happened out there. Keith made a statement to the Blades, but that was a phoeb and a half after the incident"  
"It's been two phoebs Veronica! Two! I'm not ready yet!"  
"You need to do your job"  
"I have been doing my job! I am doing my job. I know it ended up with a heap of trouble on your end, but you have no idea what it was like, and frankly, I pray you never do. Shiro is the Commanding Officer of the Atlas, otherwise, I wouldn't have him here either. No offence Shiro. I'm just sure that if you were in my place, you wouldn't want me there"  
Shiro got it. He dumped the unsure manner, as he rose to the full height of "Commander mode"  
"Veronica, the plan was for you to stand here and guard the door externally. Kre'el had stipulated that she will only talk to Lance privately. That's why Keith can't be in the room with them. Now. Lance, remember that we can hear you and if anything at all happens, we will intervene. I trust you to handle this. I know you can handle this. You've grown past the age where you need your hand held... That doesn't mean I won't... if you need... or Keith will. I just mean that... you've got this"  
Giving Shiro a tight smile, he appreciated his words. Keith nuzzled into his neck, pressing a kiss against the curve to his shoulder   
"Say the word, and we'll get you out"  
"We don't have a safe word"  
Lance missed the way Shiro rolled his eyes at them. He hadn't even meant it sexually so he wasn't thinking of it in that way   
"What about chocolate?"  
Chocolate could work  
"What if I forget?"  
"I'll be watching babe. I know how to read those moods of yours"  
Lance might have been offended if he wasn't doing everything he could to be brave right now. He'd waited so long for answers, yet now he was so close to them, he didn't know if truly wanted them. Once he knew, he couldn't unknow. Whatever Kre'el had to say, he would carry for the rest of his life  
"That makes one of us. Now, let's do this. Please. I want this to be over"  
"Ok, babe. I quiznakking wish I was going in there with you"  
"I know..."  
Lance didn't reply with "me too", as he knew Keith wouldn't be able to keep his temper. They needed Kre'el alive long enough to answer everything she could  
"I'll see you soon"

 

Sitting propped up on the hospital bed, Kre'el's pale maroon form seemed to be paler. The marks on her cheeks glowed so softly they looked as if they'd flicker out of existence completely within doboshes. Swallowing hard, Lance forced his shaking legs over to the visitor's chair where he sat down on the very edge. He could smell the death rolling off Kre'el. An unsettling scent, kind of like burnt coffee mixed with the sweet scent of rotting meat. Watching as Kre'el's cracked lips parted, Lance still jumped when she spoke  
"Lance... thank you for coming to see me"  
"You didn't leave me much choice"  
Coughing, her breath rattled as she then rasped  
"I'm sorry. You're the only one who would understand"  
"I understand that you sold me to your stupid friends. Now two of my friends have to watch me talk to you. Who are you? I thought we were friends. I thought of you as a genuine friend, but now I don't even know if Kre'el is your true name. And why... did you have a whole prison ship?"  
He'd been so close to asking "why me?", but chickened out   
"It wasn't supposed to happen how it did... none of it was supposed to happen"  
"Oh, so I'm meant to forgive you, just like that!?"  
"No. No... I... you had what I needed, but it's too late now"  
"You couldn't have just asked me for my help? Instead, you dangle this job in front of me? Let them fucking torture me. Let them try to kill me. Because I had something you needed?!"

Lance knew he was quick to jump to emotional extremes. He wore his heart on his sleeve and would do anything just to make everyone else happy. This was a rubbish idea. Absolutely quiznakkingly rubbish.

"You never would have understood"  
"How can I when you won't explain anything?! You know exactly what they did to me. Over and over! You came to the hospital. You helped me get my job and my feet under me. Was it out of pity?! Or to keep your experiment close? Did he send you the footage? You told him to observe me... did you watch it?!"  
Rising from the visitor's chair, Lance started to pace  
"Do you know what it's like?! I came back from the dead wrong! My girlfriend died and left me behind. I wanted to stay on Earth because for some stupid reason I thought planting junipers would bring her back. I tore my whole family apart. But none of that compares to what Klearo did! Why didn't you stop him?!"  
"Lance... sit down"  
"Why should I?"

Pushing herself up, Lance stopped pacing to stare as Kre'el tugged at the bandage around her left arm, just above her elbow. What did that have to with any of it? All he wanted was answers... Oh quiznak. Shiro was watching... he'd forgotten. Shit. Shit... He was letting him down by not being professional. Fuck. Leandro. Leandro. Not Lance. Not weak and worthless Lance. Pulling the fabric of the bandage loose, Kre'el freed her arm with one hard tug. Lance clamping a hand over his mouth as the skin began to stretch, her arm slowly tearing from her body in horrifically slow motion with a kind of stretching and popping noise as it did. Arms weren't supposed to do that! Throwing up in his mouth, he backed away from the Altean   
"I cannot maintain this body much longer, but before I die. I want to tell you about my story... I want you to understand"  
Nope. He didn't want to understand. He wanted out...  
"Leandro, please. What I did wasn't simply for myself. I did what I needed for my people. The people that Alfor and Voltron abandoned"  
"Alfor didn't abandon you. He died!"  
"He turned his back on Altea!"  
"He had a war to fight!"  
"A war his friend caused! Altea wasn't some peaceful and happy planet! You know life doesn't work like that"  
"I know they weren't cutting people up like you were"  
"Please sit. It makes it so hard to have a conversation with you standing over there"  
"I think I'm just fine here. You said you wanted to explain, so explain"

Covering the stump of where her arm was, there was no blood, or oozing or... anything should come with losing a whole freakin' arm. He couldn't bring himself to look back at the sight, or to look Kre'el in the face. He was haunted by her oddly cute pig-faced nose and curly blonde hair  
"You know by now that the ship was an Altean prisoner ship. Alfor thought of himself a kind and generous king. He loved an extravagant lifestyle with his friends, bragging over how peaceful his world was. Even before Zarkon, bad Galra existed. Galra that took what they wanted without mercy. That wasn't a lie. The Galra in my blood wasn't out there by choice. I hated my blood because of it. Our family was shunned. It got slightly better when Zarkon and Honerva wed, then soon whispers spread of her madness. Blinded by his own ego, Alfor had his lions. Lions he handed to his friends, who weren't even Altean! Who he valued more than his own people. Instead of entrusting the future to the soldiers who'd lay down their lives in a heartbeat. So we protested. We screamed over Zarkon's threat and we're arrested for treason. We were arrested for threatening his much-loved peace. Sentenced to spend our days working the mines for ore needed for him. For phoebs, you could be held on Altea before you would be moved"

Kre'el paused, letting her breathing settle before continuing   
"There were 547 of us on that ship. 547 people he simply did not wish to deal with. We weren't even all Altean... but they stuffed us into pods and sent us away. None of us were conscious when it happened. When the wormhole we had entered was corrupted by the shockwaves of Altea being destroyed. By now your princess had escaped with her bumbling servant. For us, we'd only just fallen asleep before we were waking again. Those not in the pods hadn't survived. Realising we were alone, many fled the ship and onto the planet, we landed on. You have to understand, this ship was carrying everything through to the vilest people you could think of. All of us stuck together in the space with no foreseeable way off. Those who didn't kill themselves killed each other so they wouldn't starve. There wasn't enough food for us all. There was no rescue ship coming. Then the sickness began. Those who huddled close to ship at night falling ill first. We weren't medical experts or technicians. No. They were all dead. So long gone that their bones had crumbled when we crash-landed. A few of us came together. When we crashed and the pods opened, there were those who locked themselves away in the bridge. Those who prayed and called it the "decision of the stars", called us wicked and tainted, who told us we all deserved to die. They died. They starved to death in the bridge because they believed that was the only choice. Phoebs had passed by now... So we broke into the bridge. We broke in and found the ship still had power, but do you know why it still had power? When we were put in the pods, our quintessence mixed with the ships as if to hold our consciousness until we woke. The ship had power because of our quintessence"

Lance was starting to get a headache from trying to keep up. Dizzy and confused, he trembled as he walked over and dropped back down on the visitor's chair.

"So the ship was powered by your quintessence?"  
That was the only thing important from everything she'd said so far. Kre'el nodded, her right hand  
"Yes. Not all of it was transferred back in the crash. The corrupt wormhole changed the nature. The radiation fall out changed our bodies. We hungered for quintessence with no idea why. It took movements to unlock the ship. To finally open the logs. We didn't believe it at first. What was quintants for us, had been 9 thousand years. We shouldn't have been alive. We agreed to keep it secret, then one spoke. He screamed it out to the whole populace, then killed himself in front of them all. Things fell into chaos, reverting back to as they'd been after the initial crash. But activating the ship had turned the distress beacon on. Finally, someone knew we were out there..."

9 thousand years had to be a shock to the system. Allura had been heartbroken and shaken to her core to find she and Coran had slept for ten thousand.

"The Galra came for us. Their ships small, yet plenty. So many people were cut down by them... They screamed in confusion, holding onto the notion they'd be rescued. The Galra had thought we might be a lion. That's all they came for. Many thought fighting back was useless. Most of us had no military skill. Most of us were sick and dying. When they found no lion, they left us to die"

Lance couldn't picture it without thinking of when they'd seen Hunk's parents back on Earth, in the hands of the Galra where they had no idea if they'd ever be rescued. His stupidly selfless nature found him sympathetic towards the abandoned criminals.

"We had no food. No water. Only the desperate will to survive... When the secret of the ship being powered by quintessence spread further, there were many who gave their lives so the ship might fly again... by the end of the journey, only 180 of us were left. We found a planet with food and water. We settled. Changed our faces and took personal pods to other planets. Only to find that the Galra ruled all. Alfor had failed in his duty. The criminals he'd cast away and forgot from Altea were now the last of the Altean's. The Galra were looking for the lions, but so were we. Especially the Red Lion. Alfor's hope and dream for Altea. We spent all the time we could searching, until the began to run low on power again. That's when we realised that there was a whole universe of Galra in front of us. No one wanted them alive. They had no right to be alive. Our planet was gone from the maps. All hails went unanswered. The ship's cameras catching Altea's final moments. Alfor had destroyed it all by not listening to his people. His idea for a utopia impossible when not all people are born equal"

Lance had shifted from sympathy to anger  
"Are you seriously telling me, this was all because of a grudge against a man who'd been dead for 9 thousand years?! You said you found a planet, so why couldn't you be happy?"  
"Could you be happy? If you woke up in the future and everything was gone? You don't get it. You're clearly loved and wanted! You didn't have to fight each day to live. You didn't have to watch your whole species grow ill and die. You didn't have to live as something less than human! Even when we left the planet, we still needed to return the ship frequently or we'd grow ill. It took us hundreds of deca-phoebs to establish ourselves. We shifted and blended in. Killed and took what we could. You've done the same. You killed and killed. You painted who ships red with the blood you spilt. You have no right to take the high ground"

Lance wanted to scream. He also wanted to slap Kre'el senseless  
"I've never killed someone who didn't deserve it!"  
"How do you? How do you know that they deserved it? How do you know that was the right call to make?"  
"They fucking tortured me, Kre'el. And you've got some sobbing backstory that we've heard a dozen times before. Boohoo. Your precious king didn't do as you wanted. You could have found another way. There's always another way. You didn't need to start killing people to keep your ship running!"  
"There was no other way. If you interrupt, I won't continue. I won't explain why it was you that we needed"  
"You said you needed my quintessence..."  
Kre'el burrowed back against her pillows. Lance releasing he'd interrupted again and was forced to play her game   
"I'm sorry. Please continue"

"As I said, we had no one. Nothing. Altea was gone, and building our own colony was slow. We took jobs for those supporting the Galra, they didn't know what we were. We turned our backs on everyone to survive, took citizens from every planet we could. When the Galra built outposts, we helped. We filled their ranks and spread only as far as our region of space. We watched them crush everyone with well-placed whispers. They were already experimenting on bodies by then and we needed the data. Then we started to grow sicker. The corrupt radiation from the ship... it'd become part of us. We couldn't leave. We couldn't stay. Children stopped being born... The children we had were sickly, most dying in their early years. We needed more people to power the ship. We needed time to find a way to survive. We allowed the Galra to capture the ship. They couldn't move it off the planet, so they sent scientists to investigate. Deca-phobes had passed between visits. They were strong. Galra genetics are impervious to most common diseases. Even half breeds live a long and mostly healthy life. We hated the Galra but we needed them. Our bodies were failing us. What else could we do? We shifted shape, we lied and said we followed the empire. We killed the teams that were sent to power the ship and studied their remains. The pods were all corrupt, taking the quintessence and powering the tainted Balmera at the core. You have no idea what it was like. My own daughter... she wasted away before my eyes..."

 

Lance felt a tear roll down his cheek. Kre'el was right. He didn't know what it was like. He'd lost the thing inside of him before he knew it was there... but to have a daughter and to lose her...

"Why me? Voltron was back. You could have turned to us..."

Kre'el let out a laugh  
"Alfor's precious Voltron. If Honerva hadn't been tampering with things she shouldn't have been, none of this would have happened. Voltron was built with no idea how it even worked. You showed up from nowhere. Then you disappeared again. You never once came close to our corner of the galaxy. We'd already been awake for a thousand years. We were dying and the only thing we had left was our hatred for Altea. You know a government can't operate on peace alone, but that gets swept under the rug. No one wants to talk about those not living happy peaceful lives, and when or if the media hears about it, they always want to know "why did no one step in?". It's all a farce. So when Voltron returned, we wanted the Red Lion. We wanted all the lions. The lions that should have stayed rightfully in the hands of Alteans"

Lance shook his heads. He didn't get it. Kre'el had said Altea wasn't the peaceful paradise Coran looked through rose coloured glasses at  
"It was their differences that made Voltron what it was..."  
"Yet it took a group of humans to save the universe. We all hated you. We hated you and you returned Earth. Then we heard the most interesting of news. That a human born male was walking around with Altean marks. Can you imagine what that was like for us? A non-Altean species with the marks? We wanted you, but didn't know how to approach you"  
"So you used Klearo?"  
Kre'el nodded  
"He wanted power. He a small man who thought himself large, so we helped him into the spotlight. We made small attempts at his life, so he'd have a need for a bodyguard"  
"Why didn't you contact me... Why didn't you contact me when I landed on Erathus?"  
"Because we didn't know how your body worked. He was supposed to monitor you and report. But you... Your natural magnetism outshone his. People wanted to hear from the Paladin who wanted peace for the people. The Paladin who'd tragically lost the love of his life"  
"I would have fucking helped you!"

Screaming at Kre'el Lance shot off the chair and over to the closest to the wall  
"You didn't need to put me through that! You know what they did! Three fucking movements. Kept stabled naked like I wasn't even worth clothes! Do you understand what was it was like? I was hallucinating my ex-girlfriend watching the whole fucking time! These marks have ruined my whole fucking life! She ruined my life trying to help me! And I still don't know if I hate her or if I'm still hurt she chose the universe over me! You say you're a parent, you should have some idea what you wanted for your daughter! Was rape part of that? To be raped repeatedly and violently? To have Galra go crazy for your scent like you're a drug? Do you know what it fucking hurt? How much it still hurts? I can't have a normal love life with my boyfriend! Keith... God. He has the patience of a fucking Saint. I still feel them on my skin and hear them in my ear. I still fucking jump every time I see Galra and freak over the fact they can smell me. They raped me over and over until I couldn't speak. Sometimes nonstop all fucking quintant! So tell me, did you want that for your daughter!? Did you want that for anyone!?"

Kre'el let out a sob. Lance whipping around so he was no longer screaming at the wall   
"No. No. You don't get to cry!"  
"It wasn't supposed to go that far. I didn't care if he tortured you. But I had no idea he'd do that to you. When we found you... When I looked into your eyes and saw your pain... I knew I messed up"  
"Oh, you knew you messed up, so that makes it ok!?!"  
"No! No, it doesn't. I wish... I could take that from you... but I... I know what happened. I saw the results when I went to the hospital. The positive readings... and I grew selfish again"  
Positive... Lance stumbled. All support gone from his knees. She'd known for that long... She'd known and hadn't helped him  
"I thought..."  
"Don't say it..."  
"If..."  
"Don't you fucking say it! If you ever fucking cared, even once you won't fucking say it"  
"I put you in the club so you'd be safe... but talking with you... you had so much hate in your heart... and so much love. I wanted to hate you. I wanted to keep hating you... but the more time past... the less I could... I started to waver on my mission. But I couldn't turn back, so when Daehra and Lucteal took you, I prayed for your sake you'd stay away. But you didn't. You wanted to fight even harder for those who'd been hurt... before I realised it, no one trusted me anymore. Lasandi was sent to be by your side and I was recalled back to the ship... I didn't want for you to be raped. That is a thing I wouldn't wish on anyone else... We just wanted your quintessence. Your readings were so high. We wanted to know how to raise our own... and how a human could carry so much without exhibiting more signs. When you zapped Keith, most of us were so excited... but I knew what it meant. You were showing signs of controlling your Altean magics. Someone who should never have had that power. We argued and I won. I told them you wouldn't let all you'd seen of our outpost experiments go. You were to brave and noble to do that..."

Sinking down the wall, Lance wrapped his arms around himself. None of this needed to happen. None of it. He didn't feel brave or noble. He felt so quiznakking stupid that he wanted to throw himself off the nearest cliff. Behind him, Kre'el wheezed and cough. Some monitor beeping   
"We were last... the others have gone on... to the new home. I'm sorry Lance... I did love you... you were a friend... I didn't lie about that. I didn't want your friendship... but I still... valued you... I wish we could go back to those days and work together... I'm grateful... I met you..."


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna casually keep posting chapters because I have no life

Shoving his way out the observation room, Keith was running. The stupid hall looped around, meaning other than breaking through the glass there was no way he could get to Lance as fast he wanted to. The moment Lance had begun to sink down, Keith was pushing Shiro out the way to get to his boyfriend. Shiro who was still in shock over what he'd heard. His adoptive brother breaking down into silent tears when Lance had thrown being raped back into Kre'el's face. The absolutely gutted expression in Shiro's face had been something Keith never wanted to see again. No doubt so much more made sense in Shiro's mind now. Lance's aversion to the Galra beyond weariness of strangers. The things he'd said about what Allura had done to his body... But Keith couldn't care about any of that. Not when Lance crumbled in on himself. He'd tried to fight Shiro to let him go the first time Lance had stood up, yet let himself be reassured that Lance was strong enough to do this. The second time he'd tried to bolt was Lance sat back down, the third when Lance begged Kre'el not to talk about the positive test. Shiro had no idea... but the words cut through Keith's heart. Soft growls coming from the back of his throat as he was forced not to intervene. He hated being on the wrong side of the glass. He hated that the didn't care that Kre'el's arm literally tore off before their eyes. He hated her stupid backstory and the way it made him hurt.

Rounding the corridor, Veronica was startled as Keith didn't slow, slamming his hand down on the hand pad and rushing into the room to his crying lover. Gathering Lance up in his arms, his boyfriend was limp. His eyes red-rimmed as he stared past Keith's face. Tapping his face, Lance didn't rouse, his scent overwhelming Keith's rationality as he hurled him up with him as he rose to stand. He didn't know what would have been better for his Lance to hear, but he knew his boyfriend had shut down because he was trying to process everything he'd been told. Kre'el had developed feelings of friendship for Lance and tried to push him away, only to fail, or for her to have simply hated Lance all along and it'd been a lie. She must have been beyond desperate to turn around and try to kidnap both of them on that ship. Or had that been an act for Lasandi's benefit? What would have happened if Lance hadn't interfered with the wormhole? And where was this new home? They were supposed to be the last of them, her and Lasandi? Or was this another lie of hers? Another misdirection in her scheme? It wasn't like she could go anywhere. 

Medical staff were shuffling into the room as Keith tried to carry Lance out. Lance felt frozen in his arms, Shiro and Veronica were waiting outside the space, Veronica being scolded by a very worried Shiro. Turning to him both stared at Lance, Veronica's face morphing into something akin to fear  
"What happened!?"  
"I think it's a panic attack. I'm taking him back to my room"  
"I'll help..."  
Veronica might be Lance's sister, but his instincts were going crazy. Growling at her he exposed his sharpened teeth and slightly yellowed eyes, as he hiked Lance up in his hold   
"I know you're his sister. I know you want to help him, but he doesn't need it. He's an adult. He's not your baby brother, but a fucking bounty hunter. He's not the same little kid. He doesn't need you coddling him. He doesn't need your help. I've got him. If you want to help, make sure that bitch doesn't die before I get my hands on her"

 

Lance's body temperature continued to fall as Keith carried him back to his room. The Telula was too far, and Lance was clearly in shock. Getting him into the bathroom, Keith settled Lance down in the tub, cautious as he started undressing his lover. Water and being touched... Lance feared both and he didn't want to push him over into snapping with no control over his "fight or flight" instincts. Starting with his boots, he worked his way up, talking to Lance the whole time to let him know it was him. Lance continuing to stare past him, the occasional tear rolling down his cheek. 

Pouring in a generous douse of bubble bath that Lance's mother had bought for them on Earth, Keith started the taps, slowly warming the temperature until it was on the warm side of lukewarm. Lance still shaking too much for his liking. Cursing softly, Keith struggled his way out his boots, throwing them and his communicator across the room toward the door, before moving Lance forwards to climb into the tub behind him. Sliding down, the half-Galra positioned his husband so Lance was laying along him, forehead tucked protectively just under his chin as he hushed his boyfriend gently, his features losing their Galra twinge the longer he held Lance. He really needed to stop swapping between the boyfriend and husband in his head. They'd agreed on boyfriend's while they worked this out, and this was definitely not worked out or something their friends needed to know in further detail.

 

A varga or so passed before Keith was happy with Lance's body temper. His eyes had slid closed and he seemed to be sleeping off the strange panic attack. Nearly asleep himself, the knock that landed on the bathroom door jostled him back away. A growl on his lips as he held Lance tighter   
"What?!"  
"It's Shiro. Do you need help? You've been in there a while now"   
He didn't want Shiro in there. Lance wouldn't want Shiro in there, but he didn't know what had happened in his boyfriend's mind. Sure, Lance could get spacey, but this was like super spacey. He didn't know what the best way to handle this was or if it was normal for Lance to sleep this off. Or if it was safe for him to sleep it off. Making sure Lance's modesty was covered, Keith kissed his boyfriend's hair  
"Come in... he's sleeping"

Dried tear tracks remained on Shiro's face. His white hair a tousled mess, adding to his washed-out appearance   
"How... how is he?"  
"Sleeping. I've never seen him like this before. That wasn't a usual panic attack. I don't know what to do"  
"Is his breathing and his pulse rate regular?"  
Placing his fingers on Lance's neck, he felt for his pulse   
"It's a little fast. He's breathing normally"  
"Then he's probably sleeping the attack off... I'll get you a towel for him. I doubt he wants me touching him"  
This is what Lance feared. Everyone treating him differently   
"No, but Shiro. You can't... you can't blame yourself and you can't treat him any differently. He's so fucking scared of you all finding out. He doesn't want to be treated any differently. Coran's helping him find a therapist he's comfortable with. The first one was a flop, and Coran doesn't have what Lance needs in a therapist... and..."

Grabbing his towel off the rack, Shiro held it towards him  
"Keith, you're panicking. This is a conversation we should be having with a clear head. What do you want me to do?"  
"I want to sit him forward so I can get out, then get him out"  
"Do you have spare towels?"  
"In the cupboard"  
Bending down Shiro draped the towel over Lance's midsection, before guiding him up off of Keith's legs. Sliding out from behind Lance, water sloshed over the floor, Shiro supporting Lance longer enough for Keith to gather him up and lift him out the bathtub   
"I'll grab you out some towels"  
"I'll dry him off in here, then I can put him to bed out there. Can you wait outside for us?"  
"Want me to grab you something to wear?"  
They didn't have clothes in the bathroom... Lance was far too naked for his liking, and far too naked in front of Shiro, even with the towel covering most of him. Being runt sized to most Galra had its advantages, towels were practically single sheets  
"Yeah. Some sweats and shirts. He can take vargas to come back from a normal attack, but..."  
"Keith. I've seen his attacks before. I should have stepped in, but I thought he deserved answers to his questions... None of us could quite expect what Kre'el had been through"  
Glaring at Shiro, he didn't want her name spoken near Lance, let alone thought  
"That doesn't make her actions alright. You have no idea how hard it's been to bring him back... He's fucking fighting so hard to stay strong. He was out there with none of us for 6 phoebs... I want to fucking kill her... I want to kill her but now I'm stuck sympathising with her... I can't take the truth away... and I have no idea what he's going to say when he wakes up"  
"For now, worry about getting dry and cleaned up. I'll find those clothes for you"  
"Thanks, Shiro"  
Keith knew he didn't need to ask Shiro to keep this to himself but was sure they'd be having that conversation whether about what had happened he liked it or not  
"You're welcome. Anything either of you needs, you know I'm always here for you"  
"We know... Um... maybe don't mention this to Lance. He's... he doesn't like people touching him when he's unconscious"  
"The secret's safe"

 

Lance roused as Keith was drying his hair. His boyfriend was sitting on the toilet, the best place to keep him stable as he dried him down. Letting out a sniffle, Keith pulled the towel down to find Lance's pained eyes staring at him. Leaning in, the half-Galra kissed his boyfriend's forehead before resting his own against it   
"K-Keith...?"  
"You're ok, baby"  
"What... what happened?"  
Lance's voice was soft and broken, stuttered with disorientation   
"You had an attack. We're back in my bathroom. You were freezing cold so I got us warmed up. Do you understand me?"  
"She was a mother..."  
"Babe. Babe, hey. I need you here with me. Did you hear me?"  
Lance nodded, raising his head to kiss Keith's forehead before settling back against him  
"We're in your bathroom"  
"Good. That's good. We're going to have a little lie down until you're feeling up for talking again"  
"I feel drained"  
"Yeah, it was a bad attack. You were really out of it"  
"'m sorry"  
"It's ok. Let me just get you dry and warm"  
"And we'll cuddle?"  
"Yeah... Oh, quiznak!"  
Lance jumped lightly, whining at Keith's curse   
"What?"  
"I forgot to put Kosmo out last night... I don't know if he'll be here or with mum"  
"It's ok... I'm ok... I just need to process what she said... you and... oh..."  
Lance's breath hitched. Keith gave him the best smile he could  
"No. No, stay focused on me. It's ok"  
"He knows... too..."  
"We'll talk about it after you get some rest"  
"I'm so fucking stupid!"  
Lashing out, there was no real bite, but self-derision   
"You're not..."  
"I am! She... she went through so much! She had to watch her daughter die... what happened to me..."  
Lance wasn't up for this, not when he was too out of it to  
"Babe. No. What happened to her, she had decaphoebs to find another way. Any other way. You're going to work yourself into another attack in you don't calm down for me"  
Sighing, Lance raised his left hand to his face Keith narrowly missing having his eye impaled on his fingers   
"Sorry. My head's all messed up"  
"It's alright. You're alright, just let me take care of things"  
Lance gave a small nod  
"Yeah... I feel... out of it"  
"Maybe a little bit"  
"I... want to see her again"  
No way was that happening. She hadn't given them much of anything in terms of her operation. She'd only served to break Lance's heart further   
"Ok, that's enough talking for now"  
"Still want to see her..."  
"We'll talk about it later"

Carrying Lance out the bathroom, he was awake and cuddly. Nuzzling into Keith's neck, Keith wouldn't be swayed. Lance was resting, and he was resisting his cuddly charms. Pulling back the covers for them, Keith pulled a face at Shiro who was looking at them like he'd seen the most precious baby animal video in existence. Slipping in under the covers, Shiro covered them back up, Lance yawning as his nuzzling was disturbed   
"Hi, Shiro..."  
"Hey, Kiddo. I thought you were sleeping"  
"I am..."  
Shiro gave a soft chuckle, about to sit on the edge of Keith's bed until Keith let out a warning growl. Smacking him on the chest, Lance scolded him  
"Bad Keith. No growling at your brother... Shiro... don't take it to heart... he gets growly"  
"I'll give you growly"  
Nuzzling at Lance's hair, Keith kept it up until Lance started trying to push him off, twisting himself to face away, but burrowing back into Keith's hold  
"Ok. Ok. Shiro, can you stop this?"  
"Sorry, Lance. He's yours now"  
"Ugh... ew!"  
Licking the side of Lance's face, Lance wiped at the spot with annoyance. Keith was kind of trying anything he could to keep Lance's attention on him and not his brother. He didn't want Shiro touching his boyfriend, or near their bed. He wanted the bed to be Lance's safe place to hide until he bounced back. The half-Galra couldn't stop his instincts or desire to monopolise Lance for himself   
"Shiro's trying to ask me if I'm ok, and I want to sleep. Can you stop it long enough for me to tell him ok, and I'm sorry"  
"Babe, you don't need to apologise"  
"I do. I was supposed to do better"  
Shiro moved his hand, going to place it down on Lance's forehead before stopping himself. In his hold, Lance deflated. So much for not treating Lance in any way except for normal   
"It's fine Shiro, you're not going to get dirty... I saved that for your brother..."

Keith and Shiro's hearts broke. Climbing onto the bed, Shiro pulled both Keith and Lance into an awkward hug. Keith was sure the hug was for Lance, but he wasn't letting go. Even if his body was protesting how he had to move for the hug  
"Don't ever say that about yourself. I didn't want to upset you or cross your boundaries after a panic attack. You're not dirty. You're not... You did well, you got her talking. She spoke more to than to any of us"  
"I lost my head"  
"It happens to all of us. Whatever you need, Lance. You can rely on us"  
"Please don't tell anyone... I don't want to be different. I don't want any pity"  
"I won't. I promise you that I won't. You get some rest for now. I remember how exhausting it was coming face to face with Sendak again was. You're safe and allowed to rest"  
"Thank you, Shiro... I'm sorry I f-fucked everything up"  
"You fucked nothing up. Don't think that for a moment"  
Lance sniffled, trying to lighten the mood like he did when things got too much   
"Space Dad swore. Did you hear that Keith?"  
"I did. Whatever would the others say?"  
"I don't know... I'm so sick of resting"

Shiro released then both  
"Rest is important. Take some time and talk things through. If you can't talk to Keith, or myself, then talk to Coran. Don't keep it bottled up inside"  
"Keith's been... he's been good. Better than I deserve..."  
"Don't say that either. You nothing deserve to be happy. I'm going to let you rest. I need to check some things out and check them with what Kre'el said. I'll let you both know later"  
"Thanks for keeping us in the loop"  
"You're welcome"

Left alone with Lance, Keith pulled him back down to spoon up with him. Rubbing his hand up and down Lance's right arm, his boyfriend let out another yawn  
"Shiro's right, you need rest"  
"That's all I've done since I got here... I don't know why I'm so tired"  
"Because you had an attack"  
"It's not even lunchtime"  
"That doesn't matter. Take a nap and we'll talk about it all later, ok?"  
"Matters too much"  
"That's because too much matters to you. You're too kind for your own good"  
"Something else to fuck up... Dios... I'm shutting up now"  
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You heard Shiro, you did good. Now stop avoiding sleeping, I'm right here"  
"So bossy..."  
"I thought you were shutting up..."  
Lance grumbled under his breath as Keith held him tight. For all their travel, he'd swap it all to be able to go back to that morning and find a way to be by Lance's side in that room with Kre'el.

 

*  
Lance napped for a few vargas before waking again, shifting around in his hold as he tried to fall back into a nap, then gave up. It was only early afternoon, Kosmo having teleported in while Lance was dead to the world. A note attached to the wolf's fur that his grandmother wanted to talk to his father at his earliest convenience. Scrunching the note up, Keith tossed it across the room. His mother wasn't going anywhere, and he wasn't going anywhere without Lance. Still sleepy, Lance rolled in his hold. His lips pushed against Keith's before Keith knew what was happening. The kiss was small but filled with love. Breaking the kiss, Lance raised his hand to cup Keith's face, his thumb tracing the edges of Keith's lips in a caring, yet ticklish way  
"Hey you"  
"Hey. How do you feel?"  
"Mmm. Like I have a lot on my mind"  
"Wanna tell me?"  
"I... I think I need to talk to Kre'el again"  
"Babe..."  
"Please, Keith..."  
Keith knew he should let Lance talk, but his heart was starting to race. The little bell going off in his head, telling him this was a bad idea   
"No"  
"Keith, please..."  
"You had a panic attack! You stopped functioning and your temperature dropped! You don't owe her anything!"

Screaming at his traumatised boyfriend was definitely not how to handle the moment. His soft and loving boyfriend racing to get out of his bed and away from him. Pushing himself up, Keith closed his eyes. He had to calm down. Counting to three, he opened his eyes again  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled"  
Wrapping his arms around himself, Lance didn't come closer. A thick lump forming in his throat at the rejection   
"Babe. I know you think you need to be strong, but she got into your head"  
"Of course she got into my head! You heard what she said..."  
"She ordered Klearo..."  
"She didn't order him to rape me"  
"No! She ordered him to torture you"  
"I know! I was fucking there... but Keith... I need to talk to her again"  
"Why? What could you possibly want to know?"  
"I want to... I want to know what happened. I want to know what happened to Helo. I want to know why she couldn't tell me. I want to know... I want her to know I kind of get it"

Keith was staggered. Lance "kind of got it". What? What did he get? That even though Allura gave her life, nothing could have been done for Kre'el or her people because they'd been affected by the radiation a bad wormhole had bathed the ship in? Because that was the only thing he got. Things went to shit for them. They tried to make it on there own out of sheer stubbornness and hate, but that got them nowhere at all. Lance had been a last-ditch attempt to selfishly save themselves.

No. He didn't really think like that. Not deep down... But he did. Kre'el wasn't there to piece Lance back together. She'd been right there. She should have protected him from the beginning, not felt shame after the damage was done. If he was a parent, he'd never wish this on his kids. Did other people's kids not matter? Because she hadn't birthed him... The smiling shifted Kre'el looked in her late twenties at the most... Her being more than 50 times their ages refused to sink in. How long ago had she lost her daughter? His thoughts were getting off-topic again.

"What the quiznak do you mean you get it?! She could have stopped him at any time! She could have stopped all at this at any time? Or have you forgotten she cut your finger off? Or that she had that thing put in your head! I love you! I love how fucking brave you are, but I can't... I don't know how to keep letting you hurt yourself! You weren't talking. You were ice cold. You weren't even blinking, just staring like you didn't see anything at all! How do I pick you up from that again? I refuse to let her hurt you again"  
"I'm hurting because I'm confused! I'm confused!"  
"You're hurting because she tried to fucking kill you!"  
"I'm hurting because I was pregnant too! How could she not tell me? I tried to do the math on Altea and I ended up fucking wrong, but I would have been giving birth there if that was still inside of me! She was a mum. She wanted to save her kid and had to watch her die. She... she said she wouldn't wish rape on anyone... and... she's been there. I don't know how... but she's been there... She's been there and she's been so full of hate. She could have said it out loud, but when I asked if she cared she stopped... I want... I need to know if she was just stopping because she remembers or if she did care... I need to know if she was ever my friend, or if she was trying to let me down gently. I need to... I need to know if she killed everyone. She said they were taken care of. The ones I didn't kill... she... she promised they had all gone away... Keith... they could be out there. More of them with that tattoo... I need to know... and I... need to know if they filmed it... What if they survived? What if there was more than I remember? I have to know. How can I be with you, if that's out there? How can I be with you if I always have to wonder? I want to start a new life with you, Keith. Which means I need to leave my past behind. I can't leave it behind when it's constantly clawing to be let in..."

Keith groaned, covering his face before sliding his hands up and his fingers into his hair  
"I don't want to smother you. I don't want to act like I own you. Like you're some damn pet. So why can't you get it already? How much I love you. That when you hurt, I hurt too. I want to be your husband. I want to make you happy, but when you do things like this, put yourself in harm's way, I don't know how to protect you or help you. You always want to do everything alone when you're trying to spare someone the pain of being hurt, but babe, that's not what you wanted from a relationship. You wanted us to be equal. I'm telling you I'm scared for you. I'm scared that seeing her again, is going to... is going to break you so badly you won't come back to me"  
"Can't you have faith in me?"  
"I do"  
"Then let me talk to her again. Let me ask what I need to know. How do you think it would look if the media got the videos? How would it look for a former Paladin acting like such a slut? And for you... people might turn their backs on you and the Galra again... That would ruin everything you've worked for. The Galra are still called brutes. Having four of them rape... having four of them touching me... If people see it, they're not going to see them as just a small section of the Galra. Their minds are still healing from the war... and this... this going to send it all back there. I need to know. And I'm going to talk to her..."

Lance trailed off, arms still firmly wrapped around himself   
"... Keith"  
"I don't want you in there with her alone. Can you understand why? You've old just woken up from an attack. You're shaky and vulnerable to another straight after... what if it all goes wrong? What if... you get stuck in your head. I'm doing everything I can to support you. I'm trying my fucking hardest. I don't know what you want from me"

The problem wasn't having faith. He had faith and trust in Lance. He was just... he was so tired of walking on eggshells because of Kre'el. Lance was the one having the attacks, he could soothe Lance through the attacks, but it made him feel so weak and helpless. He couldn't handle things he didn't know how to handle  
"What I want from you is to understand I'm doing this for both of us... I want my boyfriend to understand that I want to leave this behind. I want to... I want to understand, Keith... Why don't you come to see her with me? I know it's going to be hard for both of us, but you deserve as many answers as I do. I... I couldn't have... I probably would have been dead by now, without you"

Climbing off the bed, Keith walked over to Lance who instantly reached for him. Hushing him, Lance nuzzled into his neck   
"I want to put this behind us. I want to make sure it doesn't get even bigger and I want to make sure no one else is suffering. I know this hurts... I know you never asked to be dragged into my mess. And if I could take it back, I would. I would, because I know you're taking all this pain on as well as mine. I hate talking about it. I hate feeling weak. I hate having this between us. You're the one who forced me to confront this, so come with me a little further"  
He'd take it back? How much was he taking back? Them?  
"Would you take back us being together?"  
"No! Not for a single tick. You're the... you're the only one for my pining bi arse. Out of everyone, you're the one who's opinion mattered to me the most. That's why I couldn't tell you I was out here... I was so fucking ashamed... you... you kept talking to me, even when the others gave up. You made me open up. Open up to my team. Be honest with them, with you, with Coran and myself. We're so close to the end with her. Come with me? Let's see this through to the end together?"  
"I lost this argument the day I realised I'd fallen for your stubborn Cuban arse"  
"So you'll come with me?"  
"I'll be there with you... but if I stab her..."  
"Can you wait until it's over first? Until we've heard her out?"  
"If she even looks like she's about to hurt you..."  
"Babe, I think she just wants to get everything off her chest first"  
"Fine... but at least let me carry my blade"  
"Deal. I know how attached to that thing you are. Most people choose a soft toy for comfort, but you wouldn't be you without your knife"  
Keith nuzzled into Lance, pressing kisses to the skin just shy of the hickies he'd given his lover that morning   
"You're more comforting"  
Lance gave a soft chuckle  
"I thought I was a stubborn pain in the arse?"  
"You are. The most quiznakking, overbearing, loud, idiot, that means more than life to me"  
"Then for this idiot, why don't we finish this?"  
"Yeah. Lance and Keith, neck and neck to the end"  
"Then we ride off into the sunset like the accidental husband's we are"  
"If we ride off into the sunset, what happens to all the chocolate you bought? I'm not riding off into the sunset without it"  
"Lucky for you, most of its peppermint"

Lance hissed as he pushed him away  
"Peppermint! The travesty! It's a traitor to its race!"  
Walking over to their bed, Lance threw himself down dramatically   
"Babe?"  
"Moment ruined. Why would you ruin chocolate that way?"  
Coming up behind Lance, Keith prodded him in the side. Lance's mood changes were just as confusing as the rest of him   
"I'm joking. I'm joking... The chocolate can come with us. The peppermint is limited"  
"Can we take some with us? No one can say no to chocolate... maybe if... we show her that what happened before doesn't faze us, it'll give us the upper hand"  
"But it did faze you"  
"Keeeeeith"  
"Fine. Fine. Let's get some chocolate and go see the she-devil"  
Rolling over, Lance glared at him   
"I'll decide if she's a she-devil or not, once we have answers"  
Keith huffed. He didn't want any of this, but for Lance, he'd be there  
"You already know my answer. I'll get the chocolate, you get our boots out of the bathroom"  
Smiling at him, Lance moved to stand back up, kissing his cheek as he started off towards the bathroom. Kre'el might be a woman of mystery, but no one would ever be as mysterious as Lance. What he wouldn't give to know what the quiznak went on his head at any given time.


	49. Chapter 49

Veronica was standing guard in front of Kre'el's room, halting the progress of their mission to visit the woman with minimal fuss made. They'd darted though the palace, as if on a secret mission. With Krolia wanting to speak with him, his mother was likely to pop out of nowhere and spoil their plans. Doubling back, it was a slight trek to find a vent opening they could both reach. A mural decision that had been made with a roll of Lance's eyes and a groan on Keith's behalf at the sight of a grumpy looking Veronica. If he'd had his comms, he could have sent Acxa to distract her but they'd left their comms behind to prevent being interrupted. The half-Galra supposed he would have to apologise to Veronica at some point, but that point wasn't until she apologised to Lance for treating him simply as her little brother.

Unhooking the vent cover, Keith dropped down first, nearly taking out the visitors chair as he lost his balance when his eyes met Kre'el's. This plan of theirs seeming somewhat stupider now they'd reached their end goal... and a whole lot stupider when Lance dropped the block of chocolate they'd brought with him down on his head. Mentally glaring at his husband, Keith leapt down off the chair to retrieve the chocolate as Lance lowered himself down, somehow ending up on his arse instead of standing. In her bed, Kre'el gave a coughing laugh. Lance looking to her with too much interest. Resisting the urge to growl, Keith threw the chocolate at Lance, before stalking to lean against the back of the visitor's chair, attempting to glare her into shutting up until Lance was ready to talk. Kre'el knew exactly what she was doing, using her left hand to lift her oxygen mask off to sit under her chin.

"You came back?"  
Nodding, Lance was tense  
"I had to. We haven't finished talking"  
"I see you brought Keith"  
"He's staying"  
"He's handsome... If I were three hundred years younger..."  
Then what? That was plain creepy. Plus... she had nothing he was interested in  
"He is right here. Lance had questions, and you're going to give him answers while no one is watching us"  
Kre'el ignored him  
"What do you want to know? I thought I explained before"  
Lance took a breath as he started to fiddle with the chocolate wrapper  
"I want to know about his men. Klearo's men. I want to know what they sent you. You said he was to observe and report to you... did he... did he film me?"  
Kre'el moved her left hand towards Lance, leaving the mask down under her chin. She barely looked alive, let alone like the woman that had tried to kidnap them  
"Lance, I'm not sure that will change anything... They're dead. Taken care of after Klearo abused the power we bestowed upon him... I couldn't let them do it again"  
"So he did... Why? What happened to the film?"  
Breaking off the chocolate, Lance's hands were shaking   
"I erased files... after you agreed to help kill Klearo. The data he provided was next to useless. Your pain threshold was higher than expected, as was your healing time. The drugs processed through your system too fast to be effective, only serving to tell us that it wasn't a suitable form of sedation. Other than your marks and high quintessence, there was nothing particularly fascinating until we knew human males weren't biologically designed to carry young... Klearo... he got what he deserved. I never imagined he'd take things that far or that way simply because you bruised his ego"  
Passing Kre'el a piece of chocolate, the Altean took it in confusion   
"It's chocolate. It's good..."  
"Why?"  
"Why are you giving this to me? You should hate me, as your partner does"  
"Honestly. I want to hate you. I want to shake you and yell at you, and throw you out the nearest airlock. I want to demand answers to all the questions I have... but when I look at you... I can't... I still see her... Those god awful coffees... Sitting at the bar while you complained about your boss... but I guess he was a friend after all. Kre'el, what happened to Helo? Did you... did you kill him? Did any of them survive?"  
Gasping, Kre'el coughed as she shook her head  
"That wasn't me. Not personally. It was... on behalf of Erathus, at the outpost. He was getting to close to our operation. Looking into the missing ships... Pollarck could only do so much in his position... I was told he was apprehended by your Earth friends. I never wanted him to die... I wish we could go back to those days, but it was always going to end like this..."

How Lance could sit there nodding, Keith didn't know. Helo was a friend to both of them. Someone else who didn't need to die  
"And his body?"  
"Parts... the ones with low quintessence... they served so we could live"  
Keith drew his brow in disgust. Lance was acting too calm. As if he was simply visiting a friend, not a mass-murdering bitch. He was barely holding his tongue. His teeth hurting from how hard he was gritting them. Lance needed this and so far had kept his temper, but he didn't know if that was better or worse   
"What do you mean?"  
Placing the chocolate in her mouth, Kre'el sighed around the piece   
"This is good"  
Lance wasn't buying it, his voice firm  
"Kre'el, what do you mean they served so you could live? They served the ship? Then why did they need to be in pieces?"  
"Lift the blankets... I can't..."

Lance went to move as Kre'el said, Keith, stopping him by placing both hands on his shoulders and pushing him down. There was no way Kre'el had a weapon on her, but Keith wasn't chancing Lance's health   
"I'll do it"  
Stepping around the visitor's chair, Keith was slightly rough as he pulled the blankets back to expose the hospital gown Kre'el was wearing, not sure what he was supposed to be seeing   
"Break the tab on the side, and pull it back. We're all adults here"  
There was no tab, just the string that tied at the back. Taking the thin fabric in his hands it snapped with ease. With her arm in the left sleeve, Keith gave up and tore the fabric, revealing a sunken stomach littered with thick scars. Eyeing it in revolt, Keith backed away, gathering Lance against him as his boyfriend said nothing   
"Our bodies are breaking down... you saw my arm... we... wanted to live... We weren't the only ones trying to extend our lives..."  
"That doesn't make any of this right. You fucking let them hurt him. You could have confessed to him. You could have come to us! You killed thousands of people... How many lives have you destroyed?! Where are the rest of you? You said something about a new home. Where?! How do we get there? How many of you are still there?"  
"Keith, just... just stop. Please..."  
Reaching out, Lance pulled the blankets back as Kre'el tried to help. She could freeze for all he cared  
"She broke... they broke you. How can you just sit there? What happened to all your questions? What happened to you needing these answers?"  
Lance shot him a glare, smoothing out the piece of the blanket near Kre'el's hand. His voice was soft, and far too understanding  
"Because they just wanted to live... We all want to live... Kre'el, is there another planet? Another home base now that the outpost and ship are gone?"  
"Yes... a world... we tried to make our own. I don't know if any more will live... not without the ship..."  
"How do we get there?"  
"It's all on the ship... the... the passcode is "hope"... you... have an Altean... don't let them use the pods..."  
With Kre'el running out of breath, Lance broke his hold completely to lift the mask back onto her face. Telling them to go back to the ship was a cop-out, in his opinion. Kre'el could be stringing them along. Lance feared having been filmed, and she'd confirmed it.

A few doboshes of awkward silence past as Kre'el regained control of her breathing. Lance was biting his lip as he stared at his former friend. It didn't look good for Kre'el. It was like death was in the air  
"Lance, I think you should ask any other questions you have"  
Looking up to him, Lance looked back to Kre'el. Just because Lance had accepted things, didn't mean Keith was ready to jump into the same boat. Someone had to stay objective... Which he definitely wasn't being... but wouldn't admit. Taking Kre'el's hand in his was the last straw for Keith. Walking over to the wall, he leaned back against it. If Lance was going to be an idiot, he could get himself out of whatever she did to him  
"You don't have to talk... just nod or shake your head. Is everyone with that tattoo gone? From Klearo's crew?"  
Kre'el nodded  
"And there's more of you out there? That could be dying without the ship?"  
Kre'el nodded again  
"And if we unlock the ship, we'll be able to access the records? Including that data you took on Keith and I?"  
Nodding again, Kre'el was letting one rattling breath after another  
"And us... our friendship. You regretted what was done? But you were still desperate to survive?"  
Pulling off her mask, Kre'el coughed   
"I'm sorry... I wanted you dead... I wanted... if you had a child... I wanted... I wanted... why we had to die... why she had to die... didn't... want you to die... wanted to live"

The machine monitoring Kre'el's heart started to beep louder, her hand grasping Lance's harder as she wheezed, trying to talk of her daughter to his boyfriend. Rising, Lance placed her hand on forehead  
"Babe... should I get Veronica?"  
"She's dying"  
"So I should get Veronica?"  
The beeping was getting louder, Veronica was sure to be in the room any tick as it was. As Kre'el started to flatline, Lance pointed to the door while keeping his eyes on Kre'el  
"No... Let her go. If they come back in here, they're only going to revive her over and over until her body fails completely. If we do that, we're no better than they were. Let her rest... Que Dios te lleve a su abrazo amoroso y tenga piedad de tu alma. Que descanses en paz en los brazos de tu hija, en el paraíso que es el cielo... Sleep and when you wake, might your daughter be there to accept you with open arms"  
"Babe?"  
"It's ok. Kre'el, it's ok to let go. I forgive you..."

As the door to Kre'el's room opened, Veronica glared at the pair of them  
"What are you doing in here? Lance, step away from the prisoner"  
"She's dead V. It's time to let her go"  
"She holds important information"  
"Her body is failing. Bringing her back is too cruel"  
"I can't simply look the other way. Neither of you are supposed to be in here unsupervised"  
"God. Put the rules aside. She was a mother and she wanted to save her people. Let her pass in peace. Let her rest"  
"You don't have the authority to make that decision"  
"As the person, she hurt most here, I say I do"  
"You're not..."  
Pushing off the wall with his foot, Keith stood between Lance and Kre'el. Veronica might have a job to do,  
"Call Shiro and ask him. He'll agree with Lance"  
"Keith, you..."  
Behind them, Kre'el continued to flatline, Veronica pushing Keith out the way, before stopping just shy of Lance   
"She's gone already V. Let her rest with her daughter"  
"She was valuable"  
"She was a person. A really fucking misguided person. If Honerva could find rest and redemption, so can she"  
"You can't make decisions like this"  
"I make decisions like this all the time. I've lost team members and friends, V. If mami can accept what I do, so can you. You never would have had access to her at all, or to her ship without us. Now it's time she rests..."

Placing down Kre'el's hand, Lance moved past Veronica, Keith moving to catch his boyfriend in his arms before he escaped  
"Babe?"  
"I'm ok... Not ok, but... I knew it was coming"  
"What do you need?"  
"Can we go back to the Telula? I need my holopad..."  
What did he need his holopad for? Kre'el has just died, and Keith's head was still full of questions. Shiro probably wouldn't be too happy that all they got was the code for the prison ship's systems was "hope". Pidge had probably already hacked it, or one of his other officers. They should have kept Kre'el in a pod longer. Even if they'd only taken her out the morning she was being transferred, it'd have given them more time for Lance to talk to her  
"Babe, I think you're in shock"  
"I want to write everything down before I forget it... We need to get to that planet to search for any survivors"  
He should have seen the one coming from a mile away. There was no way Keith was agreeing to them checking it out, but a panic attack or an argument in front of Veronica wouldn't end well for Lance   
"Ok. Let's get everything written down and talk to Shiro?"  
"And Coran. Coran knows what "hope" is in Altean. It's probably not been the same word as "hope". Shit. Shiro's not going to be happy"  
"Shiro said he was happy with what you got from her. We should get out of the way"

With Kre'el flatlining and Veronica not yelling directions at medical staff, the staff filtering in to deal with her body were in no rush. Taking Lance out the room, Lance looked back as Keith tugged him on  
"What's going on?"  
"I forgot the chocolate... do you think she liked it?"  
For the second time that day, shock was starting to set in, Lance stopping again to stare back at Kre'el's room. Chocolate wasn't a priority, and Keith had given Lance's mother more than enough for the stockpile in his possession. Being Lance's mother, she'd wanted to pay for it all, but understood when Keith explained he wanted to pay as it was a personal gift and not just a want.   
"Yeah. I'm sure she did"  
"Maybe I should have given her more?"  
"You saw how sick she was, babe. You made her happy for a few moments"  
"Do you think she liked it?"  
Wrapping his arm around Lance's waist, Keith kept guiding him away from the room. There was nothing that could be done for Kre'el now  
"Babe, you just asked me that"  
"Oh... Oh. I want to go to the Telula..."  
"That's where we're going"  
"Ok. I hope she finds peace"  
"I'm sure she will. What was it you said to her in Spanish?"  
"Oh... um... just a prayer. I couldn't think of a bible verse that fitted for her... so I said a prayer. I think... I hope she's at peace with her daughter... What she must have gone through... Veronica's going to be pissed"  
"That's her problem, not yours. You just lost a friend"  
"I know... I feel like I should be crying, but I'm not"  
"It hasn't sunk in yet"  
"Yeah... maybe..."  
Shoving his hands in his pocket, Lance didn't return the hold. His feet still heavy as slow, even once Kre'el's room had long disappeared behind them.

 

*  
By the time they reached the Telula, Lance was walking taller. The glint in his eyes not his soft boyfriend's but that of when Lance donned the mask of Leandro. Heading on board, Shiro was waiting for them in the cargo bay, the man poised to attack them with a hug, only to stop and raise an eyebrow at Lance's lack of tears. Giving a slight jerk of his head, Shiro silently asked him if Lance was alright. There was no way to silently reply to that. Keith wasn't even sure he had the words to vocalise a reply  
"Lance?"  
Blinking at Shiro, Lance then out a weary sigh   
"She passed. I'm sorry. I couldn't let them bring her back again. Not after everything. Keith needs to talk to you. Do you know where Coran is?"  
"The others are in the medbay. Pidge wanted in on the programs Coran was gifting Daehra with. I can go get him..."  
"No. No, it's ok. Thanks. I'm just going to borrow him for a bit. Keith, why don't you take Shiro down to your old room for some privacy, I'm going to head up to the bridge"  
Keith wasn't sure what he was meant to talk to Shiro about. He was more worried for Lance. Even if he was seeking out Coran, Keith still wanted to be there for him... It stung... and the half-Galra would be lying if he didn't say he was confused as to what he was supposed to be feeling. The feelings of anger and disgust were morphing into something else... Maybe he did need to talk to Shiro? Was it in his scent? Is that what made Lance think it was better that he talk to Coran instead of him?  
"Ok, babe... I'm here if you need to talk"  
"I know. Just gotta do this first"  
That was a whole lot of nothing explained. Lance said he wanted to write things down... So how did Coran work into that? Still, in search of something to hug, Shiro slung his arm over Keith's shoulder  
"Take as long as you need. Keith can fill me in"  
Lance's only reply was to give a nod before striding off ahead of them  
"Is he ok?"  
"I don't know, Shiro. I really don't know"  
"Ok, kiddo. How about you and me go have this talk?"

 

It looked to Keith like in his absence his room had been turned into a storage room for Lance. The bed was made but was made with all of his spare blankets. The pile was so thick that it was almost impossible to roll into a pile then on to the floor. He stupid instincts didn't want other people's scents on things, despite another's scent clearly being on their blankets. He didn't know the scent, it was soft like faded fabric softener. Something floral at a guess. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Shiro sat down next to him. His one-armed hug moving from his shoulders to around his waist, having been broken to make space for them. Burying his face in his hands, Keith rubbed at his eyes, nudging softly Shiro prompted   
"Veronica called ahead"  
"I figured she would. She wanted to revive Kre'el when she flatlined. Lance wanted to let her pass"  
"Did she talk? I didn't expect you two to head back to her so soon"  
"I didn't either. But the first thing that idiot wanted was to finish talking to her"  
"Did he get the answers he needed?"

Keith let out a bitter laugh. That was the question of the varga. Did he?   
"He said he forgave her"  
"And you don't?"  
"I don't know. It was easier to hate her before I knew everything else. She fucked him up so much. He was suicidal, throwing himself headfirst into all his missions because he didn't care if he died. He's been popping god only knows what, shooting up the yellow shit they got him addicted to. Picking fights with everyone. Hunting down dangerous criminals. He only escaped them the first time by killing everyone, then he went right back in there and did the same to Klearo... and now he finds out the sick fucks filmed the whole thing. Kre'el said she deleted it, and he believes her. He believes her because he... he still sees his friend in her. I don't know what to do Shiro..."

Shiro gathered him up against him as tears started to well in Keith's eyes   
"It sounds like you've been there for Lance, but he hasn't really been there for you"  
What no?  
"What do you mean?"  
"That was all about Lance, but how do you feel about Kre'el's death?"  
"I don't know. I said I don't know. Why would you say that about Lance?"  
"That came out wrong. You sound exhausted, and you've only just reunited. Neither of you have stopped since you came back together. Naps and sleeping don't count"  
"It's... complicated. He's good to me. I promise..."  
"Keith..."  
"He is. He's there. He listens to me most of the... some of the time. It's been hard to get him through things, but it's also brought up a lot of things I haven't got through either... and he helps with that. I still have nightmares... and I understand things differently to how I did. I didn't understand how people could rely on something so much... like the drugs, but now I realise you were my drug. I was relying on you so heavily I went crazy when I lost your support. It wasn't healthy... I mean, if you went missing now, I'd hunt your arse down and kick you back to Curtis. But I understand why those kids couldn't just stop... and... When he went back, he asked me to come with him. For us. He wants to put this behind him for us... but now we've found out there's this whole other planet that might be filled with dead aliens... and I just know he's going to want to go"  
"Did she give you coordinates?"  
"No, she said they were on the ship. The password is "hope" in Altean. She mentioned some other alien called Pollarck? I have no idea who he is... I don't think I can forgive her like Lance did..."  
"You don't have to forgive her. You know what happened now"  
"I don't know if I do. I feel like I still have questions, but I have no idea what they are. Lance said he had questions, and I don't know if he asked them all or gave up because she was so close to death"  
"That's a talk you're going to have to with him"  
"I know, but he's swapped into work mode now. He said he wanted to write everything down... I'm worried, Shiro. They took a heap of personal data from us on that outpost. I'm worried that when the technicians are looking through the ship's data, they're going to find everything out. He was already scared that they had filmed him, then she went and confirmed it, only to say it was gone. But what if it's not? What if it's still on the system? What if it gets out?"  
"It won't get out. The ship is on lockdown. We have it under surveillance in case the rest of her network come for it"


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, there is an epilogue but I don't know if it fits with the theme of part 1 (smut. theres smut... glorious lance bottoming smut)... I was thinking of posting it as a separate mini in between work... but it's up to you all

Spending the afternoon with Coran, Lance had no idea where the vargas went. It's been around lunchtime that Kre'el had passed, but by the time the others came up to the bridge, the sky outside was mostly painted in a deep purple. Hiding his holopad, Lance was still in shock from Kre'el passing. He'd cried into Coran's arms the tears he hadn't been able to find when Keith was with him. Due to Kre'el's information, he had to make some hard decisions, and face some truths he didn't want to. He hadn't even realised he'd slipped into work mode until Coran had pointed it out to him while he typed up everything he could remember about what Kre'el had said. The other planet. The rest of her group. That weird alien who's name had started with "P". Coran was helping him put together what Kre'el had said because it wasn't fair to ask Keith to feel anything else but what he felt over Kre'el's death. If Keith had been there, he would have sided with him, listened to him... coddled him. This was a puzzle that Lance had spent so long on, dating back to when he was still tracking Klearo down. Together he and Coran had searched the star maps for likely planets. They'd searched the ship logs for any unusual signals going back to when the Telula first became his. The fact the ship had caused so many time anomalies was the basis for their search as they complied a list of the most affected planets, and spaces where another entrance such as the one to the outpost might have existed. Of course, all of this was a well-educated guess. Lance able to rule out maybe a third of the planets on their list from having visited them to offer relief or chasing down a bounty. After spending most of his time asleep since arriving on Daibazaal it felt good to be doing something that could be actually helpful to Shiro and the Blades... even though he also knew that everything he was doing was a bandaid measure to hide the rest of his tears over Kre'el. Thoughts of all the "what ifs" were threatening to send him spiralling again. The itch beneath his skin to scratch or cut constantly niggled in the corner of his mind. It didn't matter how many times he told himself he wasn't that man anymore, the thought that he'd been right about being recorded while being tortured was almost too much. Work kept the memories from forcing their way forward... but as their work came to an end, the full force of the memories started to spread through him. The stain on his heart pumped through his bloodstream with every beat. He had a choice to make, and whatever he chose, the outcome was too heavy for him to take on alone.

Leaving Coran to decide it was time to return to the palace, his friends were ushered away as Lance remained in place. His weird "space uncle" hadn't only brought gifts for Daehra and ship, he'd also brought the names of two separate therapists he thought Lance might be able to connect with. If ever he needed to talk to someone or have someone talk him out of doing something incredibly stupid, it was probably about now. The anxiety gnawing at him was only growing worse. His temper flaring into something akin to a tantrum as he threw his holopad down, and stalked from the bridge. Tearing at the collar of his shirt, he felt like he couldn't breathe. As if there was something inside of him bursting to get free. He wanted to run. Not as in fire up the Telula and take off, but run as in run until he couldn't breathe and there was nothing left in the world other than the feeling of accomplishment and fatigue. He'd been too scared to spar with everyone else in case he lost himself in his memories, plus regular scrapes and run-ins with all kinds of people wanting you dead tended to keep one in shape... He hadn't had to do much of that lately. His extended recovery had left him feeling weaker... 

Lance wasn't thinking of anything other than running. The nervous energy bubbling away. Jogging down the loading ramp, the moment his boot crunched on the gravel beneath his feet he was running. With no destination in mind and no idea where he was going, he embraced the feeling.

 

 

*  
Running himself until he couldn't breathe, Lance hunched forward his hands on his legs as he tried to suck down air. His body drenched in sweat as gave up on standing and threw himself down to lay on the middle of the road... or path. They were roughly the same size for no good reason, especially towards the outskirts of the inner city.

Staring up at the night sky, the content sigh about to form on Lance's lips evaporated as a long wet tongue dragged across his face as large paws landed on his chest  
"Gargh! What the quiznak!? You're a menace!"  
Yipping happily, Kosmo dumped his whole weight down on him  
"What are you doing?! Where's your human!?"  
"His human was still catching up"  
Craning his head backwards, Keith was jogging along the path? he'd just sprinted up  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I saw you take off. I've been following you this whole time"

Lance fended off another attack from Kosmo, Keith coming around the side to wrestle with his wolf. Kosmo not giving up his human cushion. Wrapping his arms around the doper animal, Lance hauled him up as he sat up   
"I didn't even notice you were there"  
"I noticed. It didn't seem like a fleeing run, so I hung back. Everything alright?"  
Not really. Kre'el was dead and now he'd stopped he was thinking about it... mostly because he didn't know how to talk to Keith about it   
"Kind of. Coran and I got a fair few leads on potential planets that another opening could be near... How was your talk with Shiro?"  
"Good. Ok... yeah. I went and talked to my team, then mum found me... I was coming back to see when I saw everyone leaving, except you"  
"That's because I was... you know what, sit down. I can't talk to you while you're up there"  
"Were in the middle of a road"  
So this was a road? Not a path? Galra really needed street signs... or idiot signs  
"No ones here. Besides, I'm still catching my breath. I got a bit carried away"  
"You were running for the last varga. I'm not surprised"

A varga wasn't horrible. Letting himself flop back, Keith lowered himself to sit next to him, resting his hand on Lance's hair   
"I feel like you've been thinking again, babe?"  
"Mmm... that's because I have been"  
How he'd snagged Keith would always remain a mystery to him  
"I also have the feeling you're going to tell me you're taking off again"  
Stupid Coran. He couldn't keep his mouth shut. Opening his mouth, he closed it again as he tried to pick his words. Sighing at him, Keith moved his hand away  
"You just got here. You don't have to rush off into battle after battle... Can't you just... rest?"  
Keith sounded hurt, and somewhat annoyed with him  
"Did Coran tell you?"  
"What? No. I haven't talked to him. You've got that look on your face like you've gone and decided something again"

That... That stung. Especially when Keith hadn't let him explain. Of course, he'd decided something. That's what was what happened. First, he did the "think", then he did the "do", and sometimes the "think" happened during the "do... When he'd been with Coran, he'd done the "think" extra hard due to Kre'el. Keith was stirring up his anxiety again. The choices he'd made were hard and harsh... but if he was ever going to move on, he had to leave the past in the past... and Dios, he wanted to move on with Keith.

"You're right. I'm leaving again. Kre'el said a lot of things that I've been thinking about while Coran was helping me out. I was trying not to think of her, but that didn't work as well as I told myself it was, so I talked with Coran and we made some decisions"  
"So you decided with Coran you're leaving?"  
Keith still sounded bitter. He couldn't blame his boyfriend for not getting it when he had no idea what Lance had decided. He just wished Keith was a bit more willing to let him explain himself   
"No, I decided I was staying on Daibazaal until the end of the phoeb, then I was intending on taking my boyfriend home. Kre'el got me thinking of family... and I really wanted to see my mum... 'cause, you know, she was a mum. I want to talk to mum... I want to take you home and introduce you to everyone... I want to show you the places that I used to love... and I want to meet your dad. I want to see your shack again... I'm taking Kre'el's ashes back to Earth, to bury her on our farm. She... she wanted to be with her daughter in the end, but I don't know where she was buried... so I thought I'd bury her on the farm"  
"You want to stay here?"

Seriously? Had Keith not heard anything else he said?  
"I want to stay with my boyfriend. I asked you to take those last few steps with me, and now that I'm at the end, I'm stepping aside. Coran helped me with it. I want to find those people if by some chance they're still alive, but... I want to be with you more. I want to cherish my time with you, and for... for the sake of my mental health, we agreed it was time to let Shiro take on more. The Atlas and the Blades. Even if I found them, I don't have a magical pod to cure them. I want to take you home for Christmas. I want to tell my family I'm your husband. That I want my life to be with you. I'm not going to tell them everything. I don't think they need to know everything, but I have to tell them I'm with you, because out of everything, I'm not ashamed of that. So yes, I went off and made decisions aga..."

Kosmo was forcibly pushed off his lap as Keith launched himself on him. His lips pressing a firm kiss to Lance's as he rolled them so that Lance was straddling Keith's lap. Breaking the kiss, Keith sat up, holding him tightly. The half-Galra's face buried against his neck  
"I thought... but... you..."  
"You're not making much sense"  
"You're really going to stay?"  
"I thought about it before. You know, when I was stuck in that stupid hospital. About what I could do and what I couldn't... then I was thinking about what's more important to me. I couldn't make my mind up there because I couldn't shake the depression of having everyone smothering me. Chasing leads and leaving you to tolerate me, or accepting that... accepting that I'm out of my depth and that I still have a job I can do. So yeah. I want to stay. I want to help you out around here... Even if all I can do is provide intel on planets that the Blades might want to investigate... or lend an ear when you're frustrated. You're what's important to me. I know you... might have doubted that. Especially after I sent you to talk to Shiro so I could talk with Coran"

None of these decisions had been made lightly. He'd sobbed into Coran's shoulder every mixed up thought he had, until he helped him understand that he was still trying to do too much alone. Especially while battling his PTS over everything Kre'el had put into to play, and withdrawal making him its bitch. Lance didn't want to give up on Kre'el's people, but like he said, he wouldn't be able to give them the help they needed... and he had no idea what to do with any of the data that was on board the prison ship. It didn't benefit the job he wanted to do. Any names that needed chasing up, he could do that. He could do that in the course of continuing his work as a part-time bounty hunter. Shiro had the advantage of being able to open wormholes, so once someone was apprehended, he'd be able to call through to him, or to Daibazaal or to Altea... He just... had to keep pushing out of the safe shell he'd built... or nothing would move forward... he wouldn't move forward.

"Shiro gave me a few points too. About talking with my team..."  
Shivering in Keith's lap, Keith moved to start pulling his jacket off, the Cuban moving to accommodate him without thinking. Lance not paying enough attention to notice, already jumping onto the next train of thought. If he was taking Keith home, he was going to have to deal with all the judgmental overly religious family members... wait... What about Acxa? She was like a sister to Keith, and in some weird way, if she married Veronica, they really would be   
"Do you think they'll want to come to Christmas? It'd be nice to show Acxa the farm, Veronica would probably hesitate to ask"  
"I think they'd love that. Christmas isn't a thing out here, so they're probably going to be confused..."  
Placing his jacket over Lance's shoulder, Lance leaned down to inhale Keith's scent. God. He loved how his boyfriend smelt. Nuzzling into the warmth, he was so fucking lucky to have Keith   
"... but it's a nice idea. Are your team coming?"

Nodding, Lance hummed. He might not have thought everything through, like where everyone one sleep, and how the others would go in church, but Kre'el had reminded him how important family was... not he didn't know...  
"I want them to. I didn't think I'd want to go back so soon, after telling mum I wasn't ready. I think maybe that was... me still trying to prove I don't need to be babied. I'm not ready to show people my hand, or my scars. I'll probably... show you some really embarrassing sides... and you should probably know I had... a lot of problems adjusting without Allura..."  
Rubbing his hands up Lance's arms, the smile Keith gave him was filled with love   
"I know you didn't have the best time with your family. But I'd like to meet them all again. I'd like to be there as your boyfriend. You're not lying to them by not telling them everything, before you get that in your head. We can take it slow. We don't need to tell them any more than what we're comfortable with. So while you're here, with me, we'll talk about it. We can call your mother, and talk to her about Christmas. That way she knows we're coming"  
"Will Krolia come?"  
Keith frowned at his husband, Lance's heart giving an uncomfortable flip  
"Mum's not big on Christmas"  
"I know, but... I might just be being selfish here, but a full family Christmas. Curtis and Shiro have probably got their own plans... but we can invite him too. I really... I really want to have a family Christmas with you. My family and your family..."

He was talking too much. Lance knew he was talking too fast but all of it was coming out like word vomit. If he went ahead and made all these plans with Keith, then there was no way he could back out.... but at the same time, he was worried he was being selfish by asking Keith to come home for Christmas. Keith probably never had a proper Christmas when he was in the foster system. He probably never experienced the let down of socks and jocks as a child... or eaten way too much then thrown it all up in the shower because the water was too hot. He'd probably never gone to church and sing carols, or set off homemade fireworks... All the things Keith had probably missed weren't fair. He wanted to be the one to do all of this with him. He wanted to see the way Keith's face would light up. He wanted to see his family fawn over his boyfriend, who'd probably be as confused as his team over what was happening. Yeah. He was definitely being selfish... Keith might not even want to celebrate Christmas. For him, the day more than likely held no special place in his heart... 

The Cuban's smile fell as he forced himself up from Keith's lap, Kosmo threatening to knock him over as he "nudged" Lance's leg looking for attention  
"I'm sorry. I was being overbearing. You don't have to come if you don't want to, or if it's too hard... My family is kind of massive, even without my team there... and it's not like my family knows I'm bi, apart from mum and V... my extended family can be stupid about things like that... I still love them, but they make me mad... I shouldn't have pushed all this at you. We haven't even sat down..."

Climbing off the ground, Keith scooped him up off his feet. Strong arms wrapped around him just below his arse  
"You're talking too much"  
Spinning him around, Keith lowered him down and immediately moved to cup his face, while Lance was trying to prevent Keith's jacket from slipping off  
"You're a quiznakking idiot, babe. I'm terrified of meeting your family, but you are my husband. My accidental husband that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I just said we can call your mum, make sure it's ok. And... I love you. I shouldn't have been so moody before... I didn't want you to go so soon. I still don't feel like I've actually... like I've actually caught you. I feel like you're going to float away from me the moment I let go. I can't guarantee I won't mess anything up"  
Biting his lip, Keith looked away  
"Hey, no. Trust me, Mullet. Most of them will absolutely love you. The important ones will. Mum already counts you as her son"  
"But I didn't..."  
It was too dark to see if Keith was blushing, the streetlights a tad too far, yet Lance had the feeling he was  
"But, what?"  
"I... I didn't even ask for your hand in marriage..."

Letting out a laugh, Lance didn't expect to be laughing so hard on the day he'd lost Kre'el. Insulted, Keith pulled away, turning and starting to stalk from him. Jogging the few steps, Lance grabbed Keith's arm  
"Babe, wait"  
"No. You laughed at me"  
"I laughed because nobody but you would do that these days. Seriously. I'm my own person, not a possession. I'm the one who gets to choose who I want to be with. A decaphoeb ago, if anyone had asked for my hand, I probably would have shot them up with tranquillisers and left them in a dumpster. But you and that mullet of yours went and tore down all my defences. Threw my life into chaos and decided that I wasn't as dirty and disgusting as I feel. You know my secrets, you know I'm a mess, but you still tell me you love me... It took me movements but I'm getting there, aren't I? I'm getting better, right? I'm starting to believe you're not going to dump me and run... so much so that I want us to work off base on different missions... I've fallen so fucking hard for you. I still have stuff... I can't tell you. And stuff I don't know how to get through... but I... with you, I want to work through it... I can't guarantee I'll never have another panic attack. I can't guarantee I won't relapse. I can't even promise you I'll stick to not hurting myself... because for so long, it's been the only thing keeping my monsters in my head... but I can promise you I want to make you feel happy every single day, even on my bad days because I love your dorky arse"  
"Lance, there's only one thing I want you to promise me?"  
"What's that?"  
"That you'll talk to me. Don't stop talking to me"  
Snorting, Lance slid his hand down to hold Keith's, his head resting against Keith's shoulder   
"Babe, might I remind you I never shut up?"  
"You know what I mean"  
"I do. Sometimes I might need to work it out a bit before I can let you in. But I will... And you have to make me a promise too"  
"What's that?"  
"You have to talk to me too. I won't push your past, but when you're upset or angry, we need to use our big adult words. Even if you're as confused and messed up in the head as I am, I need you to use your words. I want to be someone you can be proud of, and someone you can really rely on"  
"Babe, you've always been my stability"  
Giving another laugh, Lance nudged his husband   
"If you're relying on me, we're both screwed"  
"At least we'll go down together"  
"Keith and Lance, neck and neck"  
Lance could almost hear Keith rolling his eyes at him  
"When are you going to stop that?"  
"Sometime around the twelfth of never. But, you know, with the brain damage I wouldn't be able to tell when the twelfth of never comes"  
"You're incorrigible"

Nudging Keith again, Keith nudged him back. There was still so much they needed to talk about, but walking by Keith's side under the weird purple sky of Daibazaal, Lance felt lighter and happier now that the self-imposed weight on his shoulders had eased by sharing the load. Things weren't great. His anxieties were taking issue with being out in the dark with Galra around, but he was holding his panic down because he was so quiznakking happy that Keith would be coming with him back to Earth. He wasn't a mother, and couldn't understand that maternal bond, but he knew if he wanted to one day have a family with Keith, he first needed to make amends with his own. He needed to apologise for nearly tearing them apart. For running. For all the missed calls and avoidance measures, he'd taken... They'd forgive him, at least say they did. But his previous behaviour would be there lurking in the backs of their minds. He wanted to show them he wasn't spending nearly every night drunk to drown the pain of Allura leaving, and that he'd found someone to love all the good and bad sides of him. He adored Keith. The man bent over backwards and always had his back. They couldn't change the past. It'd always be there, and his anxieties would never truly leave, but as long as he kept walking forward, he had a chance to work through everything. 

Smiling softly, Lance rubbed his cheek against Keith's arm. Anxious to return to the Telula or Keith's room, somewhere they could be alone to form their plans   
"You wouldn't have me any other way"  
"No. No, I really wouldn't"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to sincerely thank every single person who came on this ride with me... part 2 is going to be soooo damn fluffy... with maybe a little klangst as our idiots try to navigate work and a married life... and maybe even a baby? I do take requests and throw them in if it's possible... So lemme know if you want the epilogue here or as a mini in between work :)


End file.
